I was talking to a girlfriend about how you could divide everyone in the world into people who do or do not have a crush on Alan Rickman and she agreed, saying, “Oh he’s hot. I would totes swipe right for him.”

And I was like, “Ew.  You should already be wiping right.  Do you not wipe unless you think you’re going to get lucky?  Because that’s how you get a urinary tract infection.”

Turns out that she said she’d “swipe right” which is apparently what you do on the Tinder dating app when you like someone’s picture and are interested in them.  That made more sense but I can’t help but think that maybe some of these people are single because of communication issues like this where you never have a second date because the person thinks you don’t wipe correctly.  Long story short, I think Tinder is trying to keep people single in order to keep up demand for their product.

PS. Please wipe correctly.

PPS.  Also, stop using the word “totes.”  Unless you’re using it ironically.  Or you’re talking about plural tote bags.

PPPS.  #TeamRickman

224 thoughts on “TEAM RICKMAN

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I am totally Team Rickman, but I am too old to be totes Team Rickman (as is anyone over the age of 16). I am also totally in favor of proper wiping techniques. Luckily I am totally too old and too married for Tinder (or totes).

  2. Alan Rickman now, or Alan Rickman as of, say, Die Hard? Because if you’re going to bother choosing a celebrity to be your fantasy sex object, you might as well choose one in their sexual prime.

  3. Ditto for “adorbs.” It creeps me out.

    (Also: serious headcanon for Snape was that he’s all secretly byronic and tragic and whatnot. So yeah, Team Rickman.)

  4. haha, I JUST told someone 5 minutes ago that I only used “totes” ironically. Actually it was “totes adorbs” but still.

  5. Totally Team Rickman, except in Notting Hill because Emma Thompson is such a better woman than Miss “It’s all for you”.


  6. p.s. he is delightful in the movie “snow cake.” if you haven’t seen it, you should.

  7. Totally Team Rickman since I saw Truly, Madly, Deeply years ago. Totally for wiping right. Not so totally for totes. I thought tinder was something you used to get a fire starter . . . oh. I get it.

  8. I want aware there was even a question about Alan Rickman. I just assumed everyone loved him. And based on all these comments, it looks like I was totes correct! 😀

  9. Completely agree that I have been #TeamRickman since Truly, Madly, Deeply and I was so happy to be right about Snape all along

  10. Hell yes, Team Rickman.

    Also, if he ever googles himself for fun, now his name will be matched with wiping “right.” And that’s just…well it’s definitely something. Probably not expected of Professor Snape.

  11. You can tell how old and married I am(happily for 22 years) when you quoted your friend as saying swipe right I was wondering if it was weird Dora the Explore Swiper the fox reference.. I was wondering if she thought he was foxy and was going to steal him like Swiper tries to do in Dora. I could see trying to steal him for herself, makes sense to me.

  12. back of the line ladies, i’ve been waiting since the late 80s for a crack at him!

  13. Totally Rickman, ever since Prince of Thieves “Because it’ll hurt more, you twit!”

  14. I saw Alan Rickman in a play on Broadway called Seminar in which he played an English professor that all the chicks wanted to bang. There’s actually a lovely little monologue where he talks about Lily Rabe’s character with his balls in her mouth.

  15. If he were just some moody guy in a bar (and yes, he would be the moody guy) I would be like “Uck!” – But now.. sexy moody guy on the big screen who makes me go “WHYTHEHELLDOISQUEEFORTHISDUDE?”

  16. saw the words Team Rickman and don’t remember anything else about your post. All I can think about now is Alan Rickman. Everybody leave me alone. I’m busy.

  17. But he played Tibault…and he cheated on Emma Thompson because he was bored….twice, evidently…
    Yeah, I can see #teamrickman….

  18. Team Rickman, if only because of that sexy voice. I don’t have to swipe or wipe anything to hear him do I?

  19. You know you’ve reached the right level of man-crushiness when you find Alan Rickman more attractive than either Kevin Costner or Christian Slater in Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves. (This does not apply if you are under 30).

  20. Love Alan Rickman in anything he does. Also Totes to some of us refers to practical but not particularly attractive brand of Mom boots.

  21. Ohhh…and to the ‘totes’ person.. (can’t remember which comment…don’t care enough to look it up): Are you the totes police? How does one get that job? I bet it totes pays great.


  22. Yeah, he’s hot…and I’m just not going to tell my husband I think that, because, well, it’s easier that way.

  23. Totally Team Rickman. The other day my baby brother posted a youtube link that was a compilation of all of Snape’s scenes. It made me feel all the feels.

  24. Just had a total mind conversation about saying “totes” and “adorb”. Seriously the stupidest slang ever. And somebody shoot me if I ever say “amazeballs” in a conversation and mean it in a non-ironic, non-sarcastic way!!!! It’s literally worse than literally not meaning literally anymore!

  25. Team Rickman since ‘Truly, Madly, Deeply’ with Emma Thompson. Yes, I am that old. 😉

  26. When I was young I got really sad for weeks when I realized that I couldn’t actually marry Colonel Brandon.

  27. I want Rickman as my designated stand in parent for when my daughter gets in trouble. I feel she would take a lecture from him way more seriously then she does me. Plus I’ll get to stand back and bask in his awesomness.

  28. I vote yes for Rickman, yes for wiping right (every time), no to tinder, and a big fat HELL to the no to using “totes” unless you’re referring to a reusable shopping bag…then yes, because saving the environment.

  29. Team Possibly Rickman.. ? I’m not sure.

    And, yes– totes are things you carry stuff in. Because, like, EVERYone totally knows that “totally” is the correct usage in that phrase.

  30. First, #teamrickman!

    Second, my daughter started saying “totes” after she met a drama teacher. Every time I hear/read that word I feel compelled to make a guttural growling noise. This thing has been banned from my house. I suppose this is how I know that I have become old.

  31. I am very happy to say that Alan Rickman is not too young for me (only twoyears) and still totally hot!

  32. Team Rickman…ever since that classic movie Calendar Girl starring Kevin Kline and him and (I think) Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio

  33. Most definitely yes to Rickman. Love at third sight when I saw Dogma (I was finally old enough to appreciate him). Thank you binkiebot (#26) for mentioning it for everyone else. 😀 I HATE “totes,” adorbs,” and all of the rest and when I hear an adult say it, it takes much energy not to punch them in the throat (and also wash their mouth out with soap).

  34. Toting swipes!? I’ve heard of smoking some good shit, but THIS went too far.

    Why oh why do I only catch errors after hitting the post button?

  35. You use “drug” as a past tense of “drag,” so you don’t get to sneer at “totes.”
    If you’re “wiping right” you’re doing it wrong. Front to back, dear.
    I’m not sure how Victor responded to this, but however it was, he’s right, because Victor.

  36. OMG I love/lust Rickman. So talented, and sexy and awesome. And even sexy-creepy. There could be something a little wrong with me. But not him! Be still my libido!

  37. Really, he’s an excellent good guy and an excellent bad guy and just a great actor all around.

  38. I always crushed on Alan Rickman until he cheated on his wife in “Love Actually.” Then I decided he was just one of those guys. Sorry, but I have to hold it against him.

  39. A friend and I have had many a conversation about the joys of Rickman. Just don’t ask me to choose between him and Kenneth Branagh, because I don’t think I could.

    Ironically, I used “totes adorbs” earlier today, also ironically, and possibly for both the first and last time ever.

  40. Totes and adorbs hurt my head, but I majored in English, so I’m obviously horrible. I used to feel strange about my Rickman obsession, but you know? “Give me an occupation, Miss Dashwood, or I shall run mad.” How am I supposed to react to that? I am but a woman, after all.

  41. Omg. You’re talking about Professor Snape. I will never be able to think of him as anything but–and sexy does not come to mind. I do have a secret crush on Steve Carrell, but that’s about as far as I go into unusual:).

  42. I would totally Wipe Right For Rickman.

    And oh god oh god, please no “totes”, “adorbs”, or, dear god, “cray cray”.

  43. One of my co-workers dresses as Prof. Snape at every opportunity. I don’t know what that says about our jobs. Yes, to Rickman except for in Love Actually (yes, to Hugh Grant, Colin Firth and pre-Rick Grimes Andrew Lincoln as replacements.)

  44. I totes love you to death, but for the love of Rickman please don’t use the word “girlfriend” to describe a female friend unless you are also spooning/holding hands in public/smushing your face together with that person. It’s totes heteronormative.

  45. I love you to death, but for the love of Rickman please don’t use the word “girlfriend” to describe a female friend unless you’re also spooning/holding hands in public/smushing your faces together with that person. It’s totes heteronormative.

  46. Can you be #TeamRickman without the willingness to swipe right for that? I think swiping right might break one of my marital vows…although now I’m thinking about it, wiping right is something we should all have enshrined in our vows. (You know, just in case. That, and brushing your teeth and wearing clean socks. #hygieneclause.)

  47. Guess I need to check out this truly madly deeply thing. I’m #TeamRickman for Galaxy Quest and Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. AND all the HP movies. I think I’m attracted to him for different reasons than the rest.
    He cracks me up and I think that is sexy.

  48. Can we also agree to eliminate “preggers”, “cray cray”, and “bae”?

    Oh, and Alan Rickman in Robin Hood Prince of Thieves!?! I never understood what Maid Marion saw in Robin Hood when the Sheriff was smokin’!

  49. I would totally marry Alan Rickman.. whether he wanted me to or not. Yes, I know how that sounded. And yes, I meant it how it was taken. TeamRickman! because I still haven’t figured out the hashtag thing

  50. There was a girl on the Bachelor who apparently didn’t shower regularly, and the guy was totes into her into he found out she was craycray. So maybe some people dig that shit (pun intended). And by “people,” I mean Alan Rickman.

  51. I think my mom used to use a feminine wipe called Totes back in the day. While trying to find out if I was recalling correctly, I found one called Swipes. So there’s that.

    I find Alan Rickman’s voice to be very sexy, but his physical presence does nothing for me. I guess I’d be up for phone sex with him, but not much else. I’m not sure where that puts me.

  52. My mum once had a conversation with some people who – she thought – were members of the Bedpan Society. Well, OK, that makes some sense – people collect all sorts of things, so chamber pots sound like an amusing hobby.

    But it began to appear that they weren’t just ‘collecting’ these bedpans. As one of them said after a time, a key lesson is the importance of sitting properly – good posture makes an enormous difference. That should conjure much the same mental image in your minds that my mum had. And over the next few minutes the conversation began to get even more surreal until Mum eventually had to stop and said something like, ‘I’m sorry, what? You did say the Bedpan Society, right?’ And they said no, back pain.

  53. HILARIOUS! My daughter says totes and always confuses me but sadly I knew what swipe right meant although I’ve been very unlucky on that ap. I’ve only had perverts message me so I got off.

  54. I don’t know anything about toting wipes or swiping totes or whatever the hell we’re talking about, but I do know I would definitely do Alan Rickman anyway he would like to do it.

  55. Yes yes team Rickman.

    However, assuming Victor agrees, I feel there is a lot of possible blog content from you exploring Tinder. Please please please set up a Bloggess Tinder account?

  56. Love Alan Rickman. I guess I am old, I don’t get what totes means at all. I use Tinder to light our woodstove.

  57. I hate “totes”. My friend used to taunt me with it as I hate it so much. But then she doesn’t like adorbs so we have a stand off. lol
    Team Rickman all the way.

  58. Okay, so “totes” reminded me of the time I worked at Starbucks and the guy I worked with said to me, “here come some custies” when some people walked in. Fuck. Seriously.

  59. If anyone wants another reason to have a crush on Mr Rickman, check out the totally under-rated movie Blow Dry.

  60. I might have missed it above, but I didn’t see anyone mention Rickman in “Something the Lord Made”, a true story about the doctor who pioneered a particular heart surgery for infants and his assistant who actually did all the work. Amazing acting as always.

    And I only use “totes” when I want to make my pre-teen cray cray. Because, as an original Valley Girl, I like totally know when I should like totally say TOTALLY. Like, oh my gawd, gag me, totally.

    And now my inner English freak can’t tell if totally is spelled correctly because I used it too many times.

  61. Alan Rickman’s birthday is tomorrow (Feb, 21) He is still with his very first girlfriend, after many years. I have never approved of “totes”. “Toots” has a place, all be it small. Used sparingly and at the right moment it can jazz up a paragraph like nothing else. I am alive and happy because I read your book.

  62. Team Rickman all the way! And if I can pick a time frame too, I’d take Dogma. I think looks-wise he was at his prime those days. Younger Rickman looked a bit more arkward, and I didn’t like his Snape-looks at all.

  63. Team Rickman…but not in a I want to wear his skin kind of way. More like a keeping him confined in my house so I can hear his sexy voice way. My husband would have to deal with it. But he’s a Die Hard fan so I may just slide by.

  64. YES! I love him in truly, Madly, Deeply. That movie is such a joy, and he plays the cello and smiles and he’s so dreamy and happy. I love it. Not as Snape, though, greasy git. (I like Snape as a character but as a man he’s the worst. I ship Snape/nobody ever haha).

  65. For the first time ever, I read every single comment, because it seemed so skewed I started keeping score. So far only 6 readers are not on Team Rickman, (one of which is due to sexual preference), 2 more are on Team Rickman’s Voice-only. It’s not a solid statistical sample, though, as all participants are self-selected as Bloggessians so there’s not really a control group. #TeamGiantFlamingNerd

    Also +1 for Rickman. Even the Hitchhiker’s Marvin one.

  66. Wait, there are people who have a crush on Alan Rickman? Have you seen Snape – not cute. Is this a crush on the character or the actor? If it’s a crush on the character which character? For instance I have a HUGGGGE crush on Legolas, but no crush on Orlando Bloom. Maybe this crush is shared by people of a “certain age”? (I’m 34)

  67. Whoever invented the word ‘totes’ and NOT meaning the umbrella or tote bags needs to be taken outside, stripped naked and made to shovel the snow from my driveway. I’d ‘totes’ enjoy that shit.
    And Alan Rickman is awesome. I don’t know which way you’re supposed to ‘swipe’ for him, but yeah, thumbs up for Rickman.

  68. I remember watching “Die Hard” and thinking he was the sexiest bad guy, ever. #teamHansGruber88

  69. Bring on the hate mail – I don’t see it. Sure the voice, sure the acting, but I can’t picture me and Alan Rickman. Now, me and Sean Connery or Christopher Walken of 20 years ago – now you’re talking.

  70. jenny, when do you think your new book will be out? I am excitedly waiting lol
    I’ll help look for typos if you’d like help!! Hope to see it soon… Before that pesky AARP joins me up! Lol love your work, brings out loud laughs and chuckles all day.

  71. He is the only reason I watched Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (the horrible movie with Kevin Costner) more than once. His character was the best!

    “I’m gonna gut his heart out with a spoon…because it hurts, you twit!!” Awww, yeah!

  72. “Totes” makes me cray cray, which makes me need a vacay, all of which makes me need to Avadakedavra somebody NOW. And yes, go Team Rickman.

  73. I use the word “totes” around one particular friend because it irritates the ever loving snot out of him when I declare that his cat is “totes adorbs!” or some such nonsense. In my defense, he probably shouldn’t have let me know that it bothers him so much. How could I possibly resist?!

  74. I have been #TeamRickman for YEARS. Like way more years than I am willing to put down in writing. Let’s just say I’m one of the original members.

  75. I was going to post that music video but someone beat me to it! When I was a kid, my mom told me that the Sheriff of Nottingham was the sexiest character in Robin Hood: Men of Thieves, NOT Kevin Costner or Christian Slater. I didn’t get it then but OH MY GOD MOM YOU WERE RIGHT AND I WAS WRONG. Ever since Sense and Sensibility.

  76. Off topic, but wanted to let you know I bought two calendars at Zazzle and had problems with them so I ended up with 3 calendars and all my money refunded. I want you to get your share. Is there somewhere to send it or a charity you would like it donated to? On topic, #neutralonrickman

    (That’s weird. I ordered a calendar and mine was good. What was the problem, so I can make sure there isn’t an issue? PS. I’m a fan of any no-kill shelters and they’re always looking for donations. 🙂 ~ Jenny)

  77. I lurve me some Rickman. So smooth I want to spread him on my toast. (I did not say, I “totes” want to spread him on my toast).
    Anyway, nom, nom, nom.

  78. I am team Rickman, Sense and Sensibility was the clincher. Also, I had a former coworker who spoke in all internet vernacular when not with customers….drove me crazy, or in her words, cray cray. Totes.

  79. TeamRickman all the way. If you haven’t seen his Tybalt in Romeo and Juliet – you are missing out.

  80. Alan Rickman is awesome, but not in a swipe right kind of way.

    He does an excellent Neil Gaiman impression in the Harry Potter films.

  81. I would totes swipe Alan Rickman. Do you think I’d get arrested for that?

    Also, that’s the first time I’ve ever used the supposed word “totes” in that manner. I feel dirty. For the “totes,” not stealing Alan Rickman.

  82. I absolutely adore Alan Rickman.
    I have absolutely no clue who, what, or which way to swipe when it comes to Tinder (I do know about wiping right, though. I am not a complete heathen).
    And I absolutely loathe the word “totes.” So much so that if I had multiple tote bags, I would refer to them as “multiple tote bags” rather than “totes.” Out of an abundance of caution, you know.

  83. When I hear the word “totes”, I totally wish I was an unicorn so I could stab people who use it. “Totes” – supposed to be cute but is not. Same concept applies to a stabby unicorn.

    Unless Rickman is riding said unicorn…

  84. Alan Rickman. That man’s voice melts my sneakers. “Truly Madly Deeply” is one of my all-time favorite movies.

  85. okay, I have goats and sometimes, when no one is listening, I exclaim “totes mah goats!” at them. But only when no one is listening. I used to call them goatsies until someone told me what that was. So my endearment terms for goats are limited.

  86. Definitely team Rickman. Although he would have to be dressed as Snape and say ‘obviously’ in ‘that voice’ when I ask if he fancies a Shag.
    Too much?

  87. Truly Madly Deeply is my favorite Alan Rickman movie. Beautiful movie with a beautiful man.

  88. Thanks for the “swipe right” explanation. I had seen references to swiping left or right but was never completely sure what it referred to. And obviously I was too lazy to google it. I learn so much by coming to your website. For real. Not being snarky or sarcastic. Every other post is like a PSA of some kind. Thanks Jenny.

  89. Okay. My Alan Rickman story is embarrassing and true. When he was in the above-mentioned Snowcake (which was wonderful), he stayed in a cabin in a tiny little town in a small town in Northern Ontario. I had occasion later to stay in the same cabin. There was a plaque there announcing that he had stayed there, and when I saw it, I LOST MY MIND. I lay down on all the beds, sat in all the chairs, looked out every window . . . you get the picture. I personally agree with other folks here and think a lot of the attraction is his voice, which is maturing beautifully. I have loved him in everything I’ve ever seen him in. and can’t believe nobody has mentioned “Blow Dry” – the coolest movie ever about how family is family no matter what. #TeamRickmanAllTheWay

  90. I meant “tiny little resort in a small town.” Just to emphasize how special it was to get THAT CABIN. I’m still not over it five years later.

  91. I adore Alan Rickman, but not in a sexual way, more in a zombie crush kind of way. ( So far the only mega-star I have had the sexy crush on is Hugh Jackman, as Wolverine. He has to be playing Wolverine though, there is something about his rippling arms and chest contrasted with that ridiculous hair style that makes my heart pound.

    Alan Rickman I would listen to for days, without eating or drinking, until I passed out on the floor at his feet and proved myself a true wierdo.

  92. I don’t understand. Why would anyone have a crush on that guy, much less someone who says “totes”.

  93. More Knives, please. I would like to see more Knives. Preferably, in a pirate costume.

  94. Hell yes Team Rickman. And agreed with the commenter above about Dogma Rickman (though all Rickman is good Rickman.) Also I watched the video of Snape’s scenes in chronological order, and now I’m tearing up again. “Always.” sobs


    I used to work for a clothing store when I was around 25 (maybe a bit younger) and we all would “name” our favourite folding board after a “hot” star. One girl wrote “Josh Hartnett” on hers, etc. I wrote Alan Rickman on mine. None of the younger girls I worked with knew who that was, so I started naming movies he’d been in. Round of blank stares. I grudgingly said “You know… Snape from Harry Potter” and got a huge “EWWWWW!” in return. Sigh.

    I can’t help it if I like old guys.
    See also: David Bowie

  96. I’ve crushed on Rickman since Robin Hood and Die Hard. Die Hard was difficult for me because I also had a thing for Bruce Willis.

  97. “Do you not wipe unless you think you’re going to get lucky?” HAAAAAA! I don’t know about this “tinder”, I mean, I know what it is, however, I’ve never looked at it, because I don’t need it, nor am I curious to look. That being said, I wouldn’t have known what the whole “swiping right” would have meant. Now, to google this guy that people would swipe right for, hoping to see some beautiful looking man 🙂

  98. What? Snape is not creepy. As a character, Snape becomes more & more tragic, romantic and heroic (which in my books equals attractive…but then, I like the dark lone wolf brooding damaged intelligent types) while Harry just gets more annoying and entitled, son of a horrid bully. I wish there was a twist where Snape is actually his real Dad…had to pretend to hate Harry to protect him. Rickman is awesome. However my heart-pumping vote goes to Antonio banderas circa desperado. Seriously, google it. But I digress…this vote doesn’t include banderas, so I’ll vote #TeamRickman

    Seems there are two kinds of people in the world, those who don’t like Rickman, and those who love the Bloggess. 🙂

  99. I met my boyfriend on Tinder, which he was on ironically and I was on drunken-lonely-ing. We were each other’s only Tinder date. He’s meeting my family tomorrow and we’re still trying to come up with a lie about how we met. Something involve dinosaurs or cats or batman, probably. We’re open to suggestions.

  100. When the first Harry Potter movie came out my then-husband and I went to see it with my best friend and her then-boyfriend. When the movie was over all four of us agreed that we wanted to go to bed with Alan Rickman.

  101. Loved Alan Rickman after first seeing him in Truly Madly Deeply with Juliet Stevenson many years ago, great actor, lovely resonant voice and by all accounts a great human being must admit to shedding quite a few tears when I first heard the news RIP lovely man xxx

  102. Alan Rickman was the first man who helped me master the nuance between “hot” and “attractive”. Alain Rickman was SO attractive.

    I can’t quite wrap my head around him not being around anymore.

  103. I have to get my hands on Blow Dry. I saw it in high school, and it is awesome. Completely underrated and wonderful.

  104. I saw him for the first time in a movie, I was with some loser boyfriend – well it was actually a professor who was 20 years older than me and who was being totally unethical by dating me, and we went to see that horrid Bruce Willis movie and then there was Alan Rickman in it – this was about 30 years ago. Alan Rickman appeared on the screen and all I could do was look at Alan Rickman. And listen to him. And wonder how on earth to find him again because this was Pre-Internet. I miss him already and what the fuck are people like Kanye West and Donald Trump doing around when Alan Rickman isn’t and what the FUCK is that about?

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