My dog is an internet icon.

We’ve had Dorothy Barker for a month and I’ve been trying to teach her some tricks, like “not running around like a maniac at 3am” and “the rug is not a toilet” but she’s having none of it.  I tried fetch and she brought back the ball once and then after that she was like “You know what?  No.  I just brought it back to you and you immediately lost it.  How are you going to learn if I keep doing this for you?”  Then I explained that it was a game and she looked at me like “I’m a dog.  I don’t speak english.  What is wrong with you?  Also, I’m peeing.”  And it’s fine because she’s very little and I’m patient, and honestly it’s hard to fault a dog who is all, “Whatever.  If you don’t want that ball here then I don’t either.  I respect your decisions, lady.”  I suspect she’ll learn the basics eventually, but she’s weirder than the average dog and I don’t know if that’s because we’re rubbing off on her or if she’s legitimately odd.

Hunter S. Thomcat and Dorothy Barker.  And uneasy alliance.
Hunter S. Thomcat and Dorothy Barker: An uneasy alliance.

Then yesterday Dorothy Barker did that thing where she forgot the end of her tongue was out and just left it lolling out of her mouth even though it was shut.  I kept trying to push it back in her mouth but she was all “Stop trying to change me.  I like it this way.”  So I gave up and took a picture and it turned out so ridiculously awful that I decided to put it on instagram because  1) it’s nice to remember that even dogs take bad pictures now and again, and 2) it’s just more proof that this dog is broken.

Then my friend Norma pointed out that maybe Dorothy wasn’t intentionally trying to sabotage my photo and was actually doing a perfect impression of an internet icon.

And she’s right.

emoji

That’s my dog, y’all.

133 thoughts on “My dog is an internet icon.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Your dog is awesome and adorable and makes me smile. Have you tried litter training? Think Hunter S. Thomcat would share his bathroom?

    (I totally want to do that but Victor is afraid it’ll make Ferris Mewler territorial and then he’ll start peeing everywhere. Dog pee is easy clean. Cat pee is something you just have to move away from. I don’t want to move. ~ Jenny)

  2. Our home also has a new dog. He’s a 3 year old Puggle (pug/beagle mix) we got from the local rescue place. He does this thing where he gets an Elvis lip and he puts it away to pose when I get the camera out to get a pic of it. He also competes for attention with my youngest child like he thinks he’s supposed to be on my lap at the same time. When he does something bad, he rolls on his back and shows his belly like “I’m dead, I couldn’t have stolen the 3 year old’s stuffed toy.”

  3. I want to hug your puppy!

    Now if only I could convince my husband that we needed a dog because he’s all “NO dogs, we have enough to take care of” And I’m all “But my babies aren’t babies anymore and I need something small to nurture and the cat hates everybody!”

  4. Dorothy Barker is perfect (except for the peeing on the carpet, that has got to go). Mine doesn’t do the fetch thing either (he always does the first one). He smiles with his eyes shut and never puts his toys away. But he is not an emoji. What am I doing wrong?

  5. Toys dogs are hard to potty train because their bladders are so small. Have you tried pee pads? It will minimize the damage and cleaning.

    (I keep reading that pee pads just keep them from learning to go outside. We’ve been crate training her at night and taking her out every hour or two in the daytime but she’s still having a few accidents a day. She’s little though so the messes are tiny and easy to clean at least. ~ Jenny)

  6. FYI – most dogs love a strict schedule. Get up at a specific time, go out at a specific time, eat at a specific time, play at a specific time, go to bed at a specific time. Once I got my dog (or to be more accurate, once my dog got me) onto a regular routine of going out and eating. He was less likely to have “accidents” in the house because he knew when he was going to be going out. Loved that dog. He was the best thing for me.

  7. I don’t think your dog is broken. There is a huge difference between being wacky and odd than there is to be broken. She still seems to be in one piece to me!

  8. A dog with personality quirks. Huh. Never heard of that before.

    Can’t get my dog to fetch either. I think they’re both in the “fetching is for fools” doggie club.

  9. I had a dog who did no tricks. He had self-esteem, which is much more important. I did get him (eventually) to poop outside. Peeing was easier. He liked to pee on shrubs. A walk of 1/10th of a mile took 45 minutes.

  10. We’ve had dogs over the years that do the same goofy tongue-face. Even the most noble looking dog turns into an absolute goober when they leave their tongue out. Same for humans now that I think of it…

  11. If it makes you feel any better my 13 year old dachshund has always stuck her tongue out like that. She’s never quite managed to look like an emoji, then again, she’s older than emojis.

  12. I have yet to have a dog that by any stretch could be called “normal”. I think they come that way and they rub off on us more. Example: I have a dog named Piglet who is part chow and part lab maybe a little pit bull thrown in. Instead of dragging her butt in a line like other dogs, she sits and spins.

  13. We had a pup for a few months last year (I’m still devastated we had to give her up), and she was absolutely silly. We bought her one of those Potty Patch type things, where it’s fake grass, in a plastic tray and they’re supposed to pee on it if they can’t hold it. She decided it wasn’t a potty — it was the BEST BED IN THE WORLD!!! No matter what we tried – all she wanted was to sleep on it, not potty on it. Hee.

  14. Personally, I think she looks less like an emoji and more like she’s trying to cut the cheese. What have you been feeding her?

  15. You absolutely don’t want a dog that plays fetch! Once you have a dog that plays fetch, all they’ll ever want to do is play fetch and deposit progressively nastier things to play fetch with onto your lap. All. The. Time.
    Speaking from bitter, bitter experience here…

    Dorothy Barker is adorable! You should see what other emoji faces she can pull!

  16. Perhaps she is already going through her traumatic, mood-swing-filled teen years (being an advanced dog and all) and is just sticking her tongue out at you. In defiance. While smiling. Which is such an angsty, sarcastic, teen-like thing to do):.

  17. Two words – Nature’s Miracle! A lifesaver for carpet messes of all kinds. Even cat pee – a true testament to this great product. (I should know. I have a regal cat who believes litter boxes are for commoners. The bathtub drain is a proper place for poo and a flat surface is the proper place for pee. Luckily she uses pee pads but every now and then she prefers the carpet adjacent to said pad. Just a reminder of who really is in charge in the house.)

  18. Schedule and crate training is the best way. I’ve got a 12 pound tiny mutt and you’d be surprised how long that little bladder can hold it. I don’t give him water after 6pm. He has gotten into the routine of running to the back door to go out. Also he knows what “do you have to go pee?” means and gets all excited when he has to. Just be consistent and she’ll get it!

  19. I’ve got a smaller dog and know people with toy pups–you just keep training them. Since they’re puppies, accidents are bound to happen, but you just keep doing the scheduled peeing time and praise them like a mofo when they get it right. It takes a bit longer, but they get it when you keep on it!

  20. My dog would play fetch, but thought it was more fun to deposit the ball three feet in front of me, and then bark at me until I got off my ass, got up, and threw it again, forcing me to play fetch as well. I could never get her to bring the ball to me directly. So who was teaching whom?
    Also, my friend taught her new puppy to potty both outdoors and on a pee pad in the garage. That was best for late nights and rainy days…

  21. I want to squeeze that doggie SO hard!! With my luck, I’d squeeze the pee right out of her. Oopsie.

  22. If it makes you feel at all better, Bazinga the Wonder Dog doesn’t fetch either. And her only impression is that of a step stool…when the toddlers stand on her head. And she lets them.

  23. I’m suffering through the growing pains of a chihuahua/yorkie puppy right now too. We got one of those grass topped pee pad/box thingys. So now he won’t pee anywhere but on grass! I’m only mildly worried that now my gigantic horse-dog will take a crack at the pee pad and I’ll have to swim through my kitchen.

  24. Small dog,small attention span.
    Though after 3 years I continue to wonder if my chiweenier was standing behind said door when the brains were handed out…
    She’s adorable.

  25. My cat used to leave her tongue sticking out if she got distracted by a loud noise while washing – it was adorable. My current cat does not do this, alas. But she does other ridiculous things like chasing her own tail and attacking bits of her kitty litter.

  26. Hello Jenny and fellow Strangelings:

    Please do what you can to help my friend Sandi and her two daughters. She had to flee her home this weekend with her girls because she discovered her husband was sexually abusing her daughter. At this moment, she is staying with friends while trying to find housing, and her husband has been arrested.

    Prior to this, she was living with the girls and her husband at her in-laws. Her husband had quit his job sometime before Thanksgiving, and she earns what she can freelance writing. It wasn’t enough to keep them from losing their home and having to move. She also struggles with medical issues. So as you can imagine, they fled with a backpack full of belongings and very little money to their names. She had to leave her two cats behind, but they are going with police escort to get today.

    Friends have set up a GoFundMe page for her and the girls. http://www.gofundme.com/nkz8jk I was given her permission to share it with you and our fellow Church of Blogganism believers. (She loves this community.) Anyone, please help. Even if you cannot give cash, there are other donations that can be mailed to the address listed in the updates.

    Jenny, would you be able to send her an email with some kind words? (Please email me for it). Or even comment on the site? She is trying to hold it together for the girls in this whirlwind of a nightmare that is happening. She needs to know that she is one of the bravest, strongest women and mamas that I’ve ever met, perhaps any of us have met. And that she and the girls are loved.

    Please help if you can.

    Related to this post: your cats and dog are the cutest things ever. Somebody should create emoticons of them…or the many faces of Saint James Garfield.

  27. That’s SUCH a cute pic of Hunter and Dorothy!! My dog would play fetch 24-7 if I’d let her…She drops it by my chair even when inside and looks at me and I know she’s thinking “You know what to do, don’t make me wait here any longer than I need to.” So I throw the tennis ball across my kitchen and so far I haven’t broken anything…knock on wood…

  28. I won’t post this again. I would have emailed, but your page says you’re really bad at answering. So I hope this reaches you and anyone willing to help.

  29. My female Rose does that with her tongue all the time when she’s resting. It always makes me laugh. She does do fetch but wants to play ALL THE TIME. Some dogs never learn fetch. My male Mr. Brown is more into treats and people. He backs up to people for a scratch because he has itchybum. He also does kangaroo for treats which as you can imagine is endearingly cute.

  30. Toilet training for dogs is totally overrated. Just think what you would miss out on. It’s so much olfactory delight and visual fun to spend a leisurely hour cleaning feces out of the soles of your sneakers with a toothpick or a screwdriver. Not to mention the joys of washing and disinfecting them afterwards. You always complain about not having any hobbies, don’t you?

  31. Natures Miracle spray gets rid of cat pee smell… it is my lifesaver and the most glorious invention since taxidermied weasel aprons. I tried other stuff but this stuff… manna from heaven… but like, don’t eat it.

    Anywhoodles, in case you decide to litter train her and Ferris isn’t having that shit, you have options. Also we use pee pads for our older cat who is too much of a diva to pee in the litter tray where other cats have even sniffed and it works out rather well for us.

    She’s freaking adorable but stepping in pee in socks would get old fast. Maybe one of those ones that looks like grass thusly http://www.amazon.com/PetZoom-Deluxe-3-Piece-Relief-System/dp/B007X36BSM/ref=sr_1_3?s=pet-supplies&ie=UTF8&qid=1425400812&sr=1-3&keywords=indoor+pet+potty

    Not endorsing, never tried it, just a thought.

  32. Have you tried the bell trick yet? Put a bell (that makes enough noise that you can hear it) on a string and tie it on the door knob for the door you usually go out of to potty the dog. Hit the bell when you go out and get excited about going out. It usually only takes a few days for the dog to get ringing the bell to go out. I have one dog who would stand in the dining room when he had to go out – not helpful. We put up the bell and once he figured out to ring the bell, he hasn’t had accidents since. Or you can get the doggie panties for incontinent dogs.

  33. When we got Lois, she was 18 months old but totally untrained. We started by putting her in her crate overnight and when we were away from the house until she was socialized enough to hang with the big dogs outside. The crate was big enough for her to have a bed and a pee pad. After she got used to not peeing at night, we let her come sleep with us. There were a few accidents where she peed on the bed (back into the crate immediately), but she doesn’t do that anymore. If she has to pee at night, she wakes me up and I take her out. Usually about 2:30am. It took a while for us to find the rhythm, but she’s an excellent dog now. It did take about 6 months for this to happen – patience is paramount.

  34. While I wasn’t paying attention (sorry – sometimes real life blows) you got a dog! I didn’t think it was possible to love you any more. I cannot wait to hear your doggie tales. 💗

  35. I can’t get my dog to fetch for more than one or two throws – but I’ve got a cat that will fetch and return hair ties all day long… providing I’m sitting on the toilet.

  36. We adopted 2 months ago and she’d never had a home before (brought to the shelter as a baby 1.5 years ago). At first when we tried to play she was terrified and confused. Now she plays fetch, tug-of-war, carries her toys all around and down right begs to play. Meow meow meow…this is my new CAT!

  37. Very cute. Can she see out of that shut eye? Because, if she can’t, that might explain not chasing the ball the second time….

  38. I can only imagine what Hunter is thinking about Dorothy being in his bed! Or, is he in her bed? She is an absolutely adorable puppy!

  39. My dog will only fetch if she’s inside. When I throw the ball outside she starts after it, then looks around and decides she will not be so undignified as to fetch where someone might see.

  40. Just be patient. Some dogs take longer to figure out the “pee outside” thing than others. Luke, our Main Dog, came trained, but was also used to having a doggy door, so he has never learned the art of scratching on the door to go out. He just stands on our chests and gives us sad, soulful looks to express his distress. Jasper, our Emergency Backup Dog, came to us as a puppy and we didn’t think he would ever get the hang of toilet training. It FINALLY clicked by the time he was about a year old, and he is now excellent about holding his pee until he gets outside and scratching on the door to go out!

  41. Congrats on the pup… I have been in a fog this last month, missed you were getting and got a dog!
    Honest to goodness, please read, have husband read, have daughter read. Mary is so clear and positive in lessons it makes you feel faint. Everything you can ever need to know about training your pup. 🙂 http://www.clickerlessons.com/index.htm

  42. I have two Papillons. Dorothy sounds exactly like my girls so she is obviously perfect.

  43. It’s like a Dorothy Barker was posing for her DMV photo. Or passport. Or mugshot. Yeah, probably her mugshot. I mean, that’s pretty much how I look in all my mugshots.

  44. Your dog is fine, given her situation. See, you live in a multiple cat household, so really Dorothy is being raised by cats. She is slowly learning to believe she is a cat. Soon she will be fully indoctrinated and you will have a dog who views you with haughtiness but loves to snuggle and go for walks.

  45. Go on Amazon right this very minute and buy “Smarter Than You Think” by Paul Loeb. It’s a fun read and you’ll find out how freakishly easy it is to train Dorothy. I swear by it.

  46. Teeny dog = teeny bladder. Just keep at it and don’t scold. Positive reinforcement only. She’ll learn soon enough, especially once you learn her currency. She’s still very young. Of course, it probably doesn’t help that you have her around those nutbar cats of yours.

    My dog (10 this year) does not fetch. You will throw something, it will sail over her head as she watches, and then she will turn to you with a look on her face that plainly says, “Well, you threw it. Now you go and get it. I certainly hope you don’t have me confused for a servant or something.” She dances for nobody, that’s for sure.

  47. Number ONE – Adorable! and Number TWO – I didn’t want to say anything but your dog is a CAT. The CAT is rubbing off on her… =^..^=

  48. Call Jasmine Skala at FamilyDogObedience.com. She’s the best dog trainer in San Antonio and she’ll help you with your dog issues.

  49. New dog here too. A 9 week old Beagle. It’s been 11yrs since I’ve had a pup and it is definitely persistent positive reinforcement training that helps…:) I love my new baby Bleu though <3 Good luck your baby is a cutie

  50. The more they go in the house the longer it will take to break the habit. You have to prevent the accidents from happening. Stay outside with her until she goes, give her lots of praise and treats. Then she gets free time for 10-20 minutes then back in the crate until time for the next potty break. If she doesn’t go when you take her out put her back in the crate without any free time. I have foster hundreds of puppies and this will work and it will work quickly. You can keep her on a leash tied to your waist, instead of crating her but you absolutely must prevent the accidents.
    Good luck, she is adorable.

  51. I tried pee pads with my dog and she just sat on them, looking at me like “What do I get for sitting here?” I’m mostly successful in getting her to use her doggy door (except when asshole neighborhood cat scares her back inside) and through persistence and luck, I’ve gotten her to go to the bathroom mostly on demand. I did this basically by saying the command while she was doing the deed, and then learning to anticipate when she was going to squat and having her associate the command with the deed (+ treats) and now when I just say it, she goes…if she’s not saving it up for her walk. (I did say ‘mostly’ on demand.)

  52. Jenny, Pee Pads are a training tool. The proper way to use them is to find the slot she likes to go the most and place the pad there. Once she gets used to peeing on the pad, move it a foot closer to the door you want her to use when going outside. She will learn to follow it. It takes time, especially if you have a large house. Be patient she will learn.

  53. Crate training. And if it makes you feel any better, it’s a lot harder to house train a little dog than a big dog, and not just because of the size of the bladder. It’s the size of the dog relative to the size of the house. Crate training works because a dog won’t voluntarily soil her den. But a den is small and cozy, so a little dog in a big house has a hard time figuring out that the entire house is her den.
    By contrast, my English Mastiffs in my small house are house trained by 9 weeks. (But they too don’t understand the concept of fetch, and also forget to pull in their tongues when they close their mouths.)

    Try allowing Dorothy to be on the floor in only one room, make it the only room that she’s allowed to play in and be loose in. If she’s not in that room, she’s in her crate or on someone’s lap. Once she figures out to not pee in that room, allow her a second room, and so on. The trick is to make the free area as small as possible relative to the dog.
    So start with a small room, and if necessary, put up barriers to make the room even smaller.

    Sorry if i’m telling you what you already know, but dog trainers, you know…..

    But what i really want to say is: Ferris is the most awesome cat. I want Ferris. Can i at least snuggle with Ferris?

  54. When our cats do that, we call it “dork tongue”. As in, “Cripes, would you look at Inky’s dork tongue? That cat has no dignity.”

  55. My cats wink. Also, my cat Jade leaves her tongue sticking out. They are both nut jobs but it’s ok because they fit in my family, too.

  56. I had a cat that did the tongue thing ALL the time. I wish I had know she was an internet icon….I am sure Dorothy Barker will become an internet sensation all on her own!

  57. Train her to pee on command! It’ll save your sanity some days when you just desperately need her to pee because you won’t be home in time for her to decide to do it on your own. Basically every time you take her out give her the command (“Get busy” is popular) and wait until she does then immediately reward her with something awesome she loves. Eventually she’ll go whenever you tell her to.

  58. I love reading the comments from the tribe…usually. Today there is too much pee and poop talk. Usually you only get this much pee and poop discussion on new mommy blogs. I’ll be back when you’re talking about wine. Or being stabby. Or both.

    (Today I’m feeling stabby and drinking wine because there is too much pee and poop in my house. WE BOTH WIN. Or lose, I guess. ~ Jenny)

  59. What you have there is a thoroughly normal, typical Papillon! Just so you know, they’re known as “the little generals” of the household. Don’t worry, you’ll be trained in no time! And always entertained—

  60. She is awesome hey we all have our quirks you just embrace it and move on Now the pee oh no but she will resolve that eventually after new carpet is installed We have all had an accindent on the carpet at some point in our lives if were honest lol http://lachiquitamissi.com

  61. haha. we have a puppy in our house right now too. Her name is Gail and her newest trick is “diarrhea on the shag rug” Her favorite time to perform this trick is 10 seconds after coming inside from a walk.

  62. My dog doesn’t play fetch either and honest to goodness I’ve explained it in almost the same way you did in your post. She just stares at me like I’m an idiot for throwing the ball away. She also doesn’t like having her picture taken and will hide from cameras. I think, she thinks, we’re tying to steal her soul…

  63. My small dog will fetch but he insists on having you tug o’ war it outta his mouth. He’ll bring it back, drop it at your feet & when you go to pick it up, he quickly grabs the other end of it to wrestle with ya.

  64. Why did you stop calling her Knives?

    (She’s still Knives when she’s fucking shit up or running around the house like she’s insane. ~ Jenny)

  65. I am a firm believer in the fact that each dog is hand picked for his/her owner. My collie is stubborn; independent most of the time, but super needy and cuddly others; quirky; sleeps in crazy positions; has ninja focus; has way too much hair that is out of control; and is a great nurse/therapist when mom’s had a bad day. She was made for me. She is me in dog form.

  66. Our little dog would do the tongue out thing. We loved it and thought it was amazingly cute. Yours seems to be fitting in well!

  67. My dog is offended by fetch. After we throw it he looks at us as if to say, “What the hell?I just gave you that and you THROW IT AWAY?! Ungrateful bitch.” He will get the ball, return two feet shy of me, and just stare at me. I lost toy privileges, apparently.

  68. I think I’ve identified the problem here. You’ve allowed Dorothy Barker to hang with cats and now she thinks she is one. Yeah, sure, cats don’t pee all over the house unless a bitchy alpha cat decides to stake out the litter box and attack the one at the bottom of the pecking order every time she tries to use it (yes, I know I should have figured out that was what the problem was sooner! Stop looking at me that way, dammit!) But it definitely explains insouciance and indifference to training.

  69. She is sooo adorable! Come on, how much pee can she make at one time? I mean really. A teaspoon? A tablespoon? I have a chihuahua. He is years old. I have pee pads at all his favorite spots. Poop is easy to pick up too, as long as you don’t step in it, or open the door over it. I gave up. He wins. I will not, however allow him to clean the cat’s litterbox. That is off limits.

  70. My pup did well training with potty pads (though we still use them for days when we won’t be home to let her out during the day.) I’ve heard really good things about Fresh Patch – supposedly since it’s real grass it’s easier than learning to go on something synthetic.

  71. My papillon does this too! Like she just forgets to put her tongue back in her mouth. It’s hilarious.

  72. The cat being so close to her is making me very nervous. Kind of the way I’d move out if my cat were the same creature but in a 500-pound size, like a small lion.

  73. I read somewhere that some dogs take cues from their owners and act accordingly. I find this contradictory because I had a dog once who loved everyone and would sometimes lay there with a vacant expression. Good luck with potty training!

  74. Take her for a walk every afternoon or evening for at least 30 minutes – she’ll sleep through the night and it will help keep her digestive tract moving in the right direction. If she’s peeing in the same spot all the time then use one of those sheets or newspaper, and once she’s been going on that for a few days then start moving it toward the door. Otherwise, ask if she needs to go potty every hour or so, and when she looks at you let her out back. Give her a treat every time she pees outside. Once she’s doing it on her own, slowly stop giving her the treats.

  75. Lola was the worst, the absolute worst, dog to ever potty train. Even the vet and two trainers wanted to shank themselves. It took 10 months of my life and I almost threw in the towel and put diapers on her. But we overcame it with the Potty Patch. It’s fake grass with trays to hold the pee and she eventually realized if it isn’t green and waving in the wind, you didn’t pee there.

    It was odd since she’s so smart. I think she just wanted to control one tiny aspect of her life and she thought pee was the thing to pick. Either that or she liked watching me have a complete mental breakdown every day. Sadistic puppy.

  76. Could you get a 2nd litter box for Dorothy Barker so that the cats don’t get territorial? Sort of like having a little kitties’ bathroom and a little puppies’ bathroom.

    I recently got a dog who enjoys fetch but feels that I need to move, as well. As such, she’ll bring the ball a few feet towards me and wait until I come over and tell her “drop”. I guess it’s fair?

  77. It’s because you named her Dorothy Barker. She now knows she can be as wacky as she likes, and she’ll still be a huge icon.

    I know that’s stupid, but I get it all the time. My cat’s name is Loki, and she’s evil.

  78. There’s a whole category on reddit devoted to mostly cats with tongue bits hanging out. It’s referred to as “blep”

  79. Even though I can only see his profile, I can tell Hunter’s expression is saying, “I’m tolerating this. FOR NOW.” Your pets are awesome.

  80. Geez, with a face like that, who cares if she ever learns to fetch!

    As another Strangeling noted, she may be a bit confused because she’s being raised by cats — so, forget the fetch. My little guy spent the first 9 mos as an only dog and kind of didn’t know how to be a dog when he came to us — learned to howl at sirens by studying our older female dog; got better about going outside to do his business because he’s so enamored with her (but still uses a pee pad to get through the night). He loves to play with her, but tries to break it up when we try to play with her or other animals try to play with her or us. He seems to think that our cat is an intruder that needs to be chased off (poor kitty).

    Which is to say, I have no sage words of advice because I’m a terrible pet parent. But I don’t think Dorothy Barker is broken — I think she’s as unique and entertaining and awesome as you!

  81. Have you tried using a clicker? That’s how I toilet-trained Cazaly… start by just clicking and giving a treat so that they know a click is a good thing. Do that for a day or two. then click and give a treat each time she pees outside… by day 3, Cazaly had got it (and she has ADHD!)

  82. Fenced yard with a dog door. Let her go in and out as she wants. I would not have a dog without a doggie door… All the difference in the world.

  83. A friend of mine adopted a toy dog that wasn’t socialised at all. Didn’t know toys, stairs, ect. She used pee pads in addition to taking him outside. It took a while, but he got it. One of the funniest times was when she brought him to my place and he jumped off the porch and was watering the flowers in the side garden. She uses them now too, but that’s just because it’s cold and we have massive amounts of snow and he’s about 5 pounds.

  84. Jenny, pee pads work, it just takes patience. (lots of patience) Start by putting pee pads in every room and praise her a lot when she uses it as well as giving a treat. (This will take months, but in the end it IS worth it.) At the same time, take her outside and if… and I mean if, she pees or poops outside make a REALLY big deal with praising and treats. Once she uses pee pads only when she’s inside then stop giving treats for using the pee pads and give treats only when using the bathroom outside. Worked for me and maybe it will work for you! Good luck!! (This took me about a year to work out.)

  85. She is so awesome!!!

    Our Papillon is litter trained and goes outside, too. He will pee in the upstairs hall if I don’t block off the stairs. One of the things we did is limit his territory while he was litter/house training, gradually letting him have more freedom (or cutting it back) until he got the hang of it. We keep his litter box in a much larger crate/cage. The cat doesn’t use it (different texture of litter), but she does eat his food to show her “dominance.”

    Also, he didn’t figure out the whole fetching thing until 2+ years. And now he will fetch, especially if we have a second toy to throw. We just have to be sure he leaves the first one, or he is confused… He will run after the second toy with the first one in his mouth and come back with either none or still with the first one. So, DB may surprise you at a later date. Maybe much later! 😛

    Last bit of doggie advice: teaching “wait” was the best dog direction we ever accidentally taught. Wait before eating (thus our fiercely timid cat learned to chow on his kibble); wait before getting out of the car, his crate, the front door or any door. Even “wait” to get him to stop spazzing out.

  86. Perfect! Our king and benevolent leader Bubba (cat) did a bang-up job of training our behemoth Doberman mix respect and manners when he was a puppy. I’d suspect Hunter can show Ms. Barker a thing or two.

  87. I totally agree that pee pads will prevent a dog from learning to go outside – I have a papillon who joined our family due to that exact problem. Thankfully, it was a win for us, because he was a year old and had so much more bladder control. Surprisingly, the choice between a small puppy who needs to be let out every couple hours and a very young dog who had been pissing all over the house for a year was a no brainer – we had him housebroken in two weeks.

    It was closer to eight months for our last little dog who we got as a puppy. And she still won’t hold it if she doesn’t have to – if we’re gone for more than six hours we usually come back to a puddle on the back mat – it’s like she’s taunting us, “I was here, stupid, and you weren’t, so there. Why don’t I glue down some toilet lids and see how you like it?”

    On the ball thing, my papillon wasn’t too crazy about them until we discovered these;
    http://www.amazon.com/KONG-SqueakAIR-Balls-Extra-Yellow/dp/B000MCZV5A

    They are the perfect size for a small mouth, and also soft and squishy so that they are easy to catch even in mid-air or at speed, plus they sqeauk, so they have the added benefit of allowing the dog to get your attention, i.e. drive you bat-s&^* crazy until you play with him.

  88. A few suggestions as one of my boys was so difficult to train (he was a few years old, traumatized from abuse and totally not potty trained or leash trained).
    In addition to the many helpful tips (Nature’s Miracle is your friend, no pee pads). I bought extra special yummy treats that were only given when a walk outside produced a successful potty activity. Other, more bland treats are for everything else. My neighbors might think I’m batty, but I made up silly phrases and even a little song about going potty that made the event cheerful and praised him when he was successful that he only hears on potty runs. It took him 18 months to begin to understand. So if my older dog could overcome his past and learn new habits, I’m sure Dorothy Barker will learn much more quickly. Puppies are excitable and distractable, she’ll figure it out. You’re not doing anything wrong and she’s certainly not broken!
    And that photo of her, so precious. Needed that today. Tonight we get our 3rd snow and sleet fest of March. I shouldn’t complain as Boston was practically cut off from the rest of the world with their record breaking accumulation of snow but things are just so dreary and the ice is treacherous and I just want my dogs to have actual grass to walk on instead of ice and sleet that hurts their paws.

  89. Hang a ribbon with bells on it from the doorknob of the door to the back yard. Every time you take her out, grab a paw and use it to ring the bells. My cats have even picked this up, and love being able to demand that we open the door!

  90. I suggest you get at eye level with ms. Barker the next time she refuses to fetch and slowly and deliberately say:
    Uptown Funk u up, uptown funk u up.
    Music is a language understood by all species.
    Ball back in your court.

  91. Considering Dorothy Barker is surround by katz, she is remarkable non-combustible, despite the occasional tongue extrusion. Cute goes a long way.

  92. So I have a papillon who is now 14 and she still regularly falls asleep with her tongue sticking out and then it dries out and sticks to the wood floor so when she wakes up her tongue is weirdly dry and she struggles with getting it back in her mouth. She also has never really grasped the concept of fetch. However, she does love being spoken to in French, maybe it’s a breed thing?

  93. I had a cat who played fetch perfectly. None of my dogs ever did. My first dog did hang his tongue out, too. And two of my dogs grew up with cats and behaved like a mixture of cat and dog. You alredy got some great advice about potty training. If you like to have some more, look at this: http://www.dogstardaily.com/ This site was founded by Dr. Ian Dunbar, and you can download two free ebooks there: Before you get your puppy and After you get your puppy. Great information, fun reads, and good advice. There is a wealth of information on this site, in general, with free video clips, and of course, you can buy stuff, too. No, I’m not affiliated, I just love their message about dog training. 🙂

  94. My sister’s Staffie has this expression where she cocks her head with her left ear up, left eye open, right ear down and right eye closed. I took a picture of her to work and everyone agreed that she looked just like one of our coworkers.

  95. Oops, i meant Hunter. Not that Ferris isn’t a totally awesome cat, but Hunter is King of Snuggle. May i have him please?

  96. My German Shepherd isn’t much of a retriever either. You throw the ball. He runs like hell to get to where it is. He stands there and looks at you like “Here. I found it!” I’ve decided he’s brilliant because he’s figured out that if he just stands there long enough, we’ll go to where he is and throw the ball again. All the fun, half the work.

    And, I wish that my dog and cats got along as well as Ferris and Dorothy!

  97. Pee pads & fake grass are great … until the moronic malti-poo you inherited from your grandmother decides to pee on them, then lay in the puddle. THEN your 55 lb hunting dog decides he needs to pee where the little dog does… THEN the cat gets involved and starts marking every pad, blanket, and fake grass area that either dog has even thought of peeing on (because it’s his house, dammit, dogs need to go outside). Cat pee is gross and stinky. But you know what’s worse? Cat shit not contained in a litter box. All I can say it, GOOD LUCK. In our house we have the rule: As long as the cats are happy (because really, they will go out of their way to make your life hell if they are peeved), don’t worry about it. At least your little dog is cute and doesn’t roll in filth. Granny’s former dog is an asshole that smells like pee and needs daily baths.

  98. “You know what? No. I just brought it back to you and you immediately lost it. How are you going to learn if I keep doing this for you?” is possibly the hardest I’ve laughed in a month. I think you just saved my life a little bit.

  99. Oh Jenny, you NEVER cease to brighten my day and make me laugh out loud! I’d like to hashtag”emoji like a motherfucker” but I don’t think it’d catch on!

  100. Pap’s tongues are often too large for their mouths, so you may find she really cannot pull that sucker in. It’s kind of a breed thing due to over-breeding for a small, cute face–better than the hip dysplasia German Shepherds are prone to, I suppose.

  101. My parents have a standard poodle, he’s almost 4 and we can’t get him to do anything. He has no understanding of reward and punishment. But he loves hugs so we keep him.
    He doesn’t emoji like a mofo, go Dorothy Barker!

  102. My dog prefers to play catch, chase or tug to fetch. It think he feels fetch is not enough of a challenge. Catch lets him show off some mad skills. Although little Dorothy Barker might not have the jaws for catch. Find what she enjoys and go with that. Unless it’s breaking into chicken coops. That will get you both shot. You know, with most people you wouldn’t need to add that last part, but I think better safe than sorry. 😉

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