When did Science turn into an accessory?

1.  Whose idea was it to schedule school picture day on the same day that Science Project Hats are due?

sciencey

2.  When did we stop making science projects, and instead make science projects that have to be worn on a hat?  Is this just a Texas thing?

3.  FYI…Science projects don’t balance well on hats because hats are round.  (THAT’S SCIENCE.)  So now you have to make a working solar system and also balance it on a round, moving, hyper child.

4.   Hailey couldn’t get her project to balance on a baseball cap (An electrical current she made that lights up and makes noises like a space battle) so we wired it onto an easter basket because it was flat and she could use the handle to keep it on.  Then she was like “Are you sure about this?  Will the other kids make fun of me for wearing a basket on my head?” and I was all, “Who is going to make fun of you?  The kid with a baking soda volcano dripping all over his forehead, or the one balancing a giant food pyramid on her bicycle helmet?”   And she was like, “Fair enough.  Just make sure you take pictures of everyone else at the Science Experiment Hat Parade in case I need those pictures in the future.”  Bonus lesson: Mutual mortification is a great equalizer.

sciencey2

5.  This is unrelated but I just got a catalogue for Easter stuff and this was one of the 200 types of Easter Eggs.  I’m pretty sure that’s Fat Buddy Jesus.  And that seems a little sacrilegious but it’s probably okay because Jesus has his thumbs up.  I think.  Hard to tell.

Also, I just noticed that the thing on the bottom right says "Jesus Has My Easter Eggs."  Not cool, Jesus.
Also, I just noticed that the bottom right says “Jesus Has My Easter Eggs.” Not cool, Jesus.

PS.  This is a picture of Hailey launching a flying saucer with her electrical circuit, (which you can’t see because it’s up on the ceiling) and it’s incredibly blurry but I’m sharing it because Ferris Mewler thought  it was so fantastic he smiled in spite of himself.  SCIENCE!

spaceship

PPS.  As requested, here’s a link to buy Jesus eggs and another to buy Snap Circuit boards.

 

126 thoughts on “When did Science turn into an accessory?

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Ferris Mewler is just happy because he knows that Hailey is a valuable asset to his world domination plan.

  2. Are there “Jesus ate all my potato chips” easter eggs in that catalog? If not, I suppose the chubby “thumb up!” Jesus will work.

  3. The smiling kitty made my day. As did the smiling daughter. The needed ray of sunshine in an otherwise gloomy day. Thank you!

  4. I need one of those Buddy Jesus things!

    Also – that’s an amazing science project/hat. I always failed at that sort of thing because it was entirely too stressful to come up with something do make.

    Science fairs still make me sick to my stomach.

  5. I just love the look of joy on Hailey’s face in every single picture you post of her! So infectious, makes me want to smile, too.

  6. Nope. I’ve never heard of science fair hat day. All of our science projects are still on the tri-fold poster boards. I can see how the hats could add an element of fun — or stress — yeah that’s not a good idea.

    And points to Haley for having the forethought to take embarrassing pictures of everyone else – level the playing field.

  7. I always thought I was born too late (missing all those groovy decades before I was born) but now I realize I was actually born too early! Science project hats? This decade RULES.
    PS: Haley looks awesome ^_^

  8. The other day, I saw Jesus jelly beans. Each color was assigned a religious meaning so black was sin and red was Jesus blood. I like black licorice so guess I would be eating a handful of sin.

  9. Keven Smith is so going to sue those guys for ripping off his Buddy Christ.

  10. Hailey will be the envy of all the kids who wish they were smart enough to wear a basket for a hat – Ferris Mewler is smiling because he knows that!

  11. I’ll just bet the whole class was mortified. they had to wear their science projects! I would have been sick that day if it had been me. kudos to Haley. she’s cute no matter what she has on her head.

  12. My daughter had to make a music video for her calculus class her senior year of high school. WTF does that teach you about calculus other than your teacher is a pain in the ass?

  13. Does anyone else here want to buy the “Jesus has my <3” eggs just so you can cover the heart with random tiny stickers? “Jesus has my shoes” would be safe, but I’d probably use the cherry or the bone sticker, because I’m probably already going to hell anyway.

    (I feel a t-shirt design coming on. ~ Jenny)

  14. Ooh! Are those snap circuits in the last picture? My girls LOVE those things! They’re always shooting helicopter blades off towards my face…

    (Totally Snap Circuits. I’m embarrassed to admit that I’ve learned more about circuitry from Snap Circuits than I learned in school. I highly recommend if you have kids: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00008BFZH?ie=UTF8&camp=213733&creative=393185&creativeASIN=B00008BFZH&linkCode=shr&tag=thebloggess-20&linkId=QTVGPVXY22NSGSXW ~ Jenny)

  15. I love the hats! My daughter’s school had to create 100 Day hats in Kinder. They were so cute, but very hard to stabilize with so many things. They then paraded around the WHOLE SCHOOL showing them off. Thank goodness for the self-confidence of 6-year-olds! (Yes, I’m from TX too, and love it!)

    The Jesus eggs…no words!

  16. Hailey is a beautiful, smart riot.
    I’m impressed that she came up with the future potential blackmail photo strategy. I never think of those things until my humiliation is complete and I’m at home and sulking with a can of Pringles to my left and a bag of Reeses Peanut Butter Cups to my right, my dogs scrambling to both fit on my lap because SNACKS, playing Candy Crush Soda Saga until I’m numb and then I go to bed.

  17. Just realized how fiercely protective I am of a little girl I’ve never even met. I believe you’ve created a tremendous community here, and Hailey now has 1000 Aunts and Uncles who love her dearly. That is one kick-ass science hat, and anyone who says different is completely lacking creative vision. You guys both rock and I hope she knows that!

  18. Science became an accessory when we stopped electing people who were smart enough to understand it to political office.

    Jesus eggs. Gimme a dozen, please. Because without Jesus I am damned, right?

  19. Holy shit your kid is adorable and smart. She makes me want to hang out with her, and I DON’T EVEN LIKE KIDS. (I’m sorry, but I just don’t.)

    DAMN YOU, LAWSON!

  20. My son once did a science project on kitty litter. That would have made one heck of a hat

  21. Pretty sure the Texas angle would be making them all practice square dancing while wearing their science hats.

  22. Am I the only one who thinks this is the cough cough dumbest science project ever? Or is it a science/fashion design collaboration? You did good with the Easter basket, though. Very inventive.

  23. What catalogue are those Jesus Easter eggs in? I want to get those for gag gifts, and googling “Jesus Easter eggs” is letting me down. (Coming up with a lot of disturbing images, but not the right one.)

  24. I haven’t had a cigarette in 32 days and I just posted on FB that I hate everything in the entire world. Thanks for making me a liar Jenny. I hate liars.

  25. Not a Texas thing, just a dumb thing. Hailey did a great job of making a stupid project into something badass!!

  26. Science…project…hats. I know what all those words mean, but I have never seen them used together before today. This did not happen in my school, which is a good thing because: (a) I sucked at science projects and they ususally caught fire, which would have been an even greater problem if I had to wear them on my head; and (b) at that age, I lived in mortal fear of hat hair (come to think of it, I still do). I suppose that (b) might not have been a problem, because you can’t have hat hair if it all burned off, but still…

    Setting my rambling aside, Hailey looks gorgeous, the basket is genius, and she’s clearly way smarter than me because she is not on fire in any of the pictures and her project/hat actually works.

    Also: is it just me, or do the Jesus eggs look a little like South Park’s Cartman??

  27. What I want to know is when did kids start making things with 3D printers for their science projects. Someone donated a 3D printer to my son’s school and now he’s printing out a trebuchet for the science fair. I don’t know. Sounds like cheating to me.

  28. I think it might just be her school. My 3 kids go to school in Austin and they do traditional science fair projects. The project itself is optional but no hats are required. 🙂

  29. My friends and I virtual-toasted each other last night, because our kids finished their damn invention convention projects. Dear god. The pain. Plus, I’m one of those moms that actually makes my kids do his own work, unlike some of the parents who engineer the crap out of a 9-year-old’s invention. My son’s project LOOKS like a 4th grader made it, even with me helping with the hot glue gun. (I have to admit to a brief moment of pity, watching the poor kid typing up his project–but the pity was gone once he started pounding on my keyboard in frustration.) All I can say is–we moms need more cocktails when it’s project-time.

    And seriously–what genius decided the hat-thing was a good idea? WHY? The basket was an awesome save.

  30. Snap Circuits are the best! How can you learn about circuits without connecting them and making stuff happen?

  31. This is one of your greatest posts for a variety of reasons (mostly the look on Hailey’s face), but really, those Jesus eggs with the thumbs up? I wouldn’t have believed it without the pics. Thanks for my morning guffaw!

  32. While you are considering t-shirts, I’m pretty sure there needs to be one that says “Mutual Mortification = the Great Equalizer.” I mean, the picture options are endless.

    All though, in this instance, I don’t think your daughter is holding up her end of the bargain because she’s adorable, even in a really cool, wonderfully ridiculous basket hat. That’s a gift.

  33. At first, I thought you and she had come up with the hat addition because you’re awesome, and you just phrased your post funny.

  34. Well, I’m hoping that’s Jesus’ thumb. Because it would be very worrisome otherwise.

  35. Now I need to go home and find my Buddy Christ figurine to put out with my Easter decorations.

  36. My “Do Goldfish See Color?” experiment would have made an unforgettable hat. I believe all that I actually proved is that goldfish are kind of stupid, but still. Hat!

  37. In 1982 when I was in grade 12 I was disqualified from the Australian National School Science Competition because my experiment comparing and contrasting three immunoassays to determine rubella immunity in mice used live mice, i.e., live animals. How else was I going to do this experiment if the mice weren’t alive? Apparently if I used dead mice I wouldn’t have been disqualified, but I mean the experiment would have failed. So rather than let me enter, I was disqualified. Oh well, in 1982 I started studying medicine, human are much better than mice to study.

  38. Oh my gosh! Those are totally Buddy Christ eggs! I need those eggs, you know, to put a little “pop” in Easter.

  39. Well, my friend needs to come up with a tapeworm costume for her child for their school performance….this may be a Texas thing as well.

  40. Does anyone have a hen sitting on one of those Jesus eggs in an attempt to bring back the savior?

  41. My ‘Happy Drugs’ are not nearly as uplifting or entertaining as reading anything you write, Jenny Lawson. You, Mz Lady, WINS the Interwebz with every blog entry.
    Thank you for that, BTW!

  42. Woah dang your child is a little genius! Way to go Hailey!! There’s no way I could come up with something like that for any sort of class.

  43. I sure hope Hailey had at least once school picture taken with her hat on, because she looks so cute wearing it. It put a smile on my face, just like Ferris Mewler’s.

  44. Jesus stealing the show as if resurrection doesn’t get him enough attention? Who knew the answer to wwjd would be clean up at the egg hunt? Jesus- really?

    If my kids had to fashion a science project that doubled as hat the theme would be how much heat does the body save if you wear a hat? Skull cap. Done and done. I’m not being a smart ass- im being a smart head. Obviously.

  45. Regarding Hailey feeling embarrassed at first, my 1st grader is like that every time they have “pajama day” or “crazy hat” day or the like at school. I’m like, “EVERYONE will be in their PJ’s or crazy hat”. Of course one time I thought I had those two days backwards and then worried about it the rest of the day. In that case, yes, he would have totally been justified in being embarrassed.

  46. This is as good as the video of the dog with all kinds of veggies on his head:). I want to know who came up with the hat bit? Mrs. Frizzle from Magic School Bus?

  47. Oh, science fairs, how I do NOT miss thee. I want to see the everyyear potato-gun mounted on a helmet. That really would be something…

    LOVE LOVE Ferris grinning on the sidelines there!!

  48. I was not aware that Jesus came in egg form. Christ on a cracker, all this time I thought when eggs floated in water that meant they were bad, but what if they were just Jesus eggs?! Have I been throwing away the son of God?

  49. Tiger #67, I totally want a bag of plagues. Wish they had shit like that when I was a kid, would’ve made Seders WAY more fun…

  50. I bet if you look up the definition of joy in the dictionary, you’ll see a picture of Hailey!

  51. So I don’t know much about TX, but it seems to me to be a state already a bit rocky on the science front (I understand that science proves God whipped out the universe in 7 days there, which, while admitedly amazing, I always feels deams him a bit becaise I feel like it’s much cooler to be able to take millions of years on a project). So requiring one’s science fair project to fit on a hat strikes me as doing nothing to make anyone thing more highly of science. Although I suppose it could be viewed as a (rather demeaning) way of getting girls more interested in science? I dunno – the whole thing makes my head spin.

  52. Finally! Thanks Micah at Clumsy Bloggers Workshop. It’s always worth paying an hourly fee to have someone skilled help integrate all yourselves into one.

  53. Jesus tienen mis huevos. Oh my. On an unrelated note, my ten-year-old son just threatened to rip his own nose off. (ah, Spring in New Mexico! Or Science in New Mexico.)

  54. Your daughter is brilliant AND shrewd. That’s a great combo (as long as she isn’t using it against you)!

  55. maybe “science accessory” was a Texas attempt to get girls into science. Though apparently, girls are already into science. I wish I’d been into science earlier, I’m such a NASA nerd right now. But for the purposes of Science FICTION. So I don’t know if that counts.

  56. Thank-you Vicki W for the link to Oriental Trading; and also to Tiger for posting the Passover Bag of Plagues. Brilliant. The holidays will be extra special this year.

  57. Can I tell you how glad I will be when my son is done with his Academic Decathlon competition this weekend? You will be able to quantify my happiness by counting the empty wine bottle, you can bank on that. Hope your daughter had fun with the science fair hat project!

  58. the basket hat is great. also – my kids love their snap circuits and have taught me a thing or two. i love them because I can look smart and like I know what I’m talking about. they get two chubby jesus thumbs up from me. also, we are here in texas and my kids have to do this ridiculous vocabulary hat every year. what the hell? I do not remember doing this as a child. it’s obnoxious.

  59. I want the ability to pan right on that photo and see more of Ferris’ funny face!

  60. You have made me very grateful for our dumb project this year. My 3rd grader had to come up with something to sell to the 2nd and 5th graders at school. We had no idea how many things, what they were supposed to do, etc. We also had to fund the project, but the items were sold for fake money. But at least they didn’t have to make a science project to wear on their heads. I will keep it in mind in case we ever do have that project, because we have the same set of snap circuits, and I’m pretty sure we have at least one Easter basket that would work. Hailey is awesome though!

  61. Hailey is a luminous being. Just looking at her makes me light up inside. Many thanks Jenny for sharing your gorgeous daughter and,indeed, your wonderfully weird life with all of us. It’s so validating for those of us who are “atypical”.

  62. Seeing Hailey’s picture makes me happy.

    It ain’t easy being happy since the House of Squalor burned down 2 weeks ago. Aside from losing everything material—I lost my 7 cats, too. Snorgle your furbabies tonight.

  63. Snap circuits are the BOMB!!!! Also love the “hat.” Can you fill it with Jesus chocolate?

  64. At last someone else mentioning “Crazy” School projects, kids in South Africa get crazy projects to do as well. You and Hailey – pretty Hat! Love it. CREATIVE thought, I’ll be sure to remember this idea for another Future Crazy project.

  65. I was raised deep in the backwoods of the bible belt but now live in the UK. Since then, many new acquaintances have made some very strange assumptions about my . . . religiosity before getting to know me better. When they find out that I’m not inclined to flop about speaking in tongues or play with snakes, I choose to interpret the looks on their faces as disappointment. That always makes me feel bad and I’ve often wished I had something to give them in exchange for shattering their illusions. What I’m saying here is that I need me some Fat Buddy Jesus Easter Eggs. For the poor disappointed heathens in England. I need’em BAD. Please, where can I order these online?

  66. Ditto on the comments asking for the catalog name! My husband and I throw a “Jesus is Gone” party every year on Good Friday. It’s not as sacrilegious as it sounds. We do a midnight egg hunt and fill the eggs with either gross stuff (real eggs, jello, etc) or tickets for prizes (Easter baskets full of booze). We NEED those Jesus eggs!

    … in hindsight, I see that it is exactly as sacrilegious as it sounds. We don’t hate Jesus, we just love parties.

  67. You let Hailey know, please, that with that 100 megawatt smile of hers, she could wear a traffic cone on her head, and look beautiful. Seriously, in years to come, that picture of her with an easterbasket hat will be a treasured relic among the family heirlooms. It will have a story, and that is worth so much more than gold.

  68. You have prompted such a delightful discussion with this whole post. Laughing is one of my favorite hobbies.

  69. I hate hat projects – my kid got head lice at a very expensive French immersion camp in New Orleans from a project where they made fancy hats out of paper grocery bags then tried on each other’s hats. When I saw the hats I knew. Sure enough, about 10 days later, had to start with the nightly combing. Kids + hats + trying on each other’s hats = lice transmission.

  70. Hailey is as awesome as you. Does that mean she’ll be more awesome than you when she’s an adult? That is really what we all strive for as mothers, isn’t it?

  71. After a crap-tastic full-moon Friday with my students, I cannot thank you enough for ending my day with a child excited about science. I (try to) teach science to high school students-its a struggle. For example, I never in my life thought I would have an argument about why chickens don’t have nipples.
    Again, thank you. 🙂

  72. We sold the Buddy Christ bank we brought into our comic book store on Wednesday yesterday, which was super-quick. I said we should bring in more tan one, for Easter, but I was ignored! I did, however, manage to order a copy of the Princless trade paperback for the store, which I had to excuse by saying I’d read it first. There seems to decided lack of respect for my opinions when it comes to the store, probably due to my being female and older. Stupid young, male demographic.

  73. OK, two things. One, she is freaking adorable. Second, are you sure you want to send her to school with something on her head a bomb squad might be afraid of? 🙂

  74. I think Science Fair on a Hat is totally insane, but she looks amazing. Hailey has such an awesome smile! And Jesus Easter Egg-chocolate-whatever is a riot. Thanks for the laugh.

  75. Made a comment on twitter about the Jesus Easter eggs. Now I’m being followed (and favorited) by a black guy who goes by the name “Light Skin Jesus.” This social media game is trippy.

  76. She is beautiful !
    And smart and creative…
    Be sure and let us know what grade she got

  77. cough cough nudge I think you meant to say that her project’s an electrical CIRCUIT that lights up etc. Putting an electrical current on your head can be a bad idea. Leads to frizzy hair.

    That aside, your little one is adorable and more than passingly clever.

  78. If u hid the Jesus eggs, every time u discovered one u could shout, “I FOUND JESUS.”

  79. I now have 5 dozen Easter eggs in my cart on the Oriental Trading site (Jesus, gnomes, pirates, sea creatures, and rocket ships – I would have included the ninjas but they’re too expensive) – thinking about telling my sister I’ll provide the eggs for my nieces this year.

  80. Science project hats?!? That sounds suspiciously like someone’s stupid idea of how to get girls more interested in science. Let’s mix some fashion into, cause all girls like fashion, right? Somehow I think not condescending to or stereotyping them would work better, but what do I know …

  81. According to what Maya B is saying it sounds like she goes to an all girls school. Does she go to an all girls school? Also, the easter basket hat idea was fantastic.

    real wishes

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