Where’s Rory? He’s fucking everywhere. (I mean, not literally. Ew.)

An update:

A few days ago I wrote a post about how awesome it would be if Rory the raccoon traveled all over the world to see the places most of us might never see and you said, “YES, LET’S MAKE THIS HAPPEN.  SEND ME A RORY.  NO -FUCK IT.  I CAN’T WAIT FOR YOU.  I’LL PRINT OUT MY OWN” and then suddenly there were pictures all over the internet of Rory in Italy, in airplanes, in refrigerators, in dunk tanks, eating funnel cake, and someplace that is actually named “SPIDER ISLAND” which I just think should be burned to the ground on principle.

wheresrory7

A few of my favorites are here and I’m updating it daily because you people are made of magic.  (It sucks that pinterest requires you to get a free account {STOP BEING A DICK, PINTEREST} but it’s the easiest way to pull it all together.)

The pictures are amazing, but even better are the comments I’m getting from people who – like me – are afraid of leaving the house, but who are excited to have a small raccoon companion who gives them a reason to get out and go someplace ridiculous and amazing.  And I totally get that because today I was thinking that I live pretty close to the world’s largest pair of cowboy boots and that seems like something Rory needs to see.

So today I’m going through the comments on the last post to pick out a few dozen people who want to take Rory to amazing places, and then they can look at the comments and email the next person to pass Rory onto.

And if you don’t hear from me by tomorrow and just can’t wait then you can print and make your own here.  Or if you want a small, plastic version you can take anywhere I have one in my shop.  It looks like this:

Hunter S. Thomcat imaging ways to murder me in my sleep.
Hunter S. Thomcat imagining a plethora of ways to murder me in my sleep.

If you upload a picture on instagram or twitter or elsewhere, tag it with #wheresrory so I can find it.  Also, I went back to the doctor yesterday and I’m on a LOT of codeine so it’s possible this makes less sense than normal.  Sorry about that.

#wheresrory?  He's stealing the tongue depressors while I cough a lung out.
#wheresrory? He’s stealing the tongue depressors while I cough up a lung.

78 thoughts on “Where’s Rory? He’s fucking everywhere. (I mean, not literally. Ew.)

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Rory is still on my desk because I’m forgetful like that. Sorry it’s not the Eiffel Tower or Mars or whatnot.He has a good view of an adding machine and a magnet from Newk’s.

  2. You know, when you first posted about Where’s Rory, I instantly thought of a shelf elf. This is sooo much better than an effin shelf elf! I’m hoping to run into (well not literally, that would be weird) random Rorys around town. 🙂

  3. I really hope I win this chance for a real Rory stand up. I just made a copy here at the library, and it cut off the tip of his left hand second from the left finger. Rory is now headed to the ER. kzelezatgmail.com

  4. I really hope I win this chance for a real Rory stand up. I just made a copy here at the library, and it cut off the tip of his left hand second from the left finger. Rory is now headed to the ER. kzelezatgmail.com

  5. I think Rory and I need to take a little sightseeing trip around Vancouver together this weekend. I’ll never turn down a chance to do touristy stuff in my own city, especially if I have an adorable raccoon as my date.

  6. I have a pocket Jamie from Outlander, and need a Rory so they can go on highland adventures (or to Costco). Alas, no color printer, so maybe I need a plastic one.

  7. You make me happy. Well, I don’t know you, but your writing makes me happy. Looking at Rory makes me happy, too. Is it OK if he drinks? I’m thinking of taking him to a Tiki bar tomorrow.

  8. Dammit, Jenny! I just got back from Alaska and I suck ASS at photoshop. Fine…I’ll learn just for you.

  9. Yep, Spider Island. My husband is always leaving me behind in zoos and gardens because I read all the signs and he…just doesn’t. We were at the Botanic Garden and it was really hot and sunny and I was lagging behind as he was heading for some shade. He stopped dead in his tracks and I have never seen him read something more carefully in my life. He could probably, years later, tell you everything you ever wanted to know about Spider Island. We agree that it should be burned down, just on principle. I think we only made it a couple steps onto the island and felt pretty brave for doing so, even though there is no mention of spiders, and no spiders were spotted. Spider Island. C’mon.

  10. ♡ this is the best! No printer, so i’ll just enjoy Rory wherever he goes. .. NOW, he needs to visit the TARDIS…..

  11. I am seriously thinking about doing a where’s rory with my kids? kind of like flat stanley, send him around with a journal!

  12. Rory is in my backpack and will be heading to NJ with me tomorrow…we are packing up my dad’s house, so the trip is bittersweet. What better way to remember the place I grew up than Rory on the front porch?!!!

  13. I was the one that took the Spider Island picture. We took the sign as warning and moved along to the miniature railroad garden. Seemed much safer.

  14. Love Rory, look forward to his travels. Can’t wait for the book! Please consider kratom for depression and social anxiety. It has changed my life. Ignore the bad pr and do your own research. Em me for more info. No, I do not sell it.

  15. I can’t decide if I’m happy Rory gets to travel, or sad that I don’t. If I were going anyplace exciting, I’d definitely bring him along. Go Rory!

  16. PERFECTION! I’ve loved following Rory around the world. I’m going to print one out and take him around town…

  17. When I read the first paragraph I accidentally read “eating funeral cakes” and I thought “that’s a thing? That sounds terrible, but also delicious”

  18. Like Flat Stanley, but with roadkill! BTW, you totally need to keep this going so that there can be holiday versions. Imagine Rory in Jack-o-lanterns, raw turkeys, stockings. The ideas are endless! Rory could be like an even better Elf on the Shelf (cause let’s face it, EotS are f*cking creepy)

  19. I think Rory needs to come to Vegas with me next week!!! Until then he can do boring stuff like ride a Hippo and Feed some Ducks…

  20. I was all excited to print out my Rory, and then found out my printer was running low on ink, so he came out all weird and pink and blue… I think I’ll get some new ink so that he can look “normal.”

  21. Pleasepleaseplease send us a Rory…we don’t have a printer and Foo foo (my 5 year old daughters stuffed raccoon) needs a friend

  22. Yes!! North Star Mall boots!! Is the pink sombrero still there (it used to be a Sombrero Rosa’s)? That seems like a good spot, too!

  23. I remember when having a cold used to mean having a staycation. You know, staying home, building forts out of blankets. Nowadays, having a cold means sneezing so profoundly your liver shoots out your nose.

    I sympathize. The last time I had a respiratory illness I coughed so bad my back went into spasm and I couldn’t move. I called the emergency room and the doctor looked up my medical history and said, “oh, you have Lorazepam. Take one. It’s a muscle relaxant.” And I said, “yesssssss!” And when it kicked in, I just didn’t care about being immobile on the floor.

  24. I just decided I’m taking Rory to the Lake tomorrow…and maybe Target. I like Target.

  25. I wanted to mention that the small plastic Rory could easily be used as a substitute game piece for games like Candyland. As it is my son and I both fight over the green piece. I know I should be the adult and let him have It but dammit sometimes I want to be green. I’d much rather be tiny Rory. Of course there’s a chance we both might fight over THAT piece. I may not have thought this all the way through. Or else you need to make more game pieces…

  26. I HAVE to print out my own Rory. I leave for vacation in 6 days. No time to wait for shipping. Rory’s heading to the Jersey Shore!

  27. I wish we could respond to each other. Otherwise I would ask the Chicagoans above if Spider Island was added after 2010, because I don’t remember it from my last visit. Maybe we just missed it. There has been so much new stuff added since my previous visit around 2005 or so.

    Also, to Heather H. Some of the old Pink Hats (and yes, I always called them that) are now Taco Cabanas. One is a Pasha Mediterranean Grill. And they took the hats off of them back in the 1990s. Without the hats, they look more like toilets than hats.

    Alas, I’ve already come back from vacation. I was in New York and Philadelphia July 14-20. Rory would have looked awesome in the High Line, perhaps. And I live in San Antonio, so there’s not many place I can take him that are that unusual for you. Maybe I’ll take my kid state parking Sunday or this coming Thursday and we can take a printed-out Rory with us. Do you think Rory would like Guadalupe River State Park?

  28. Rory is going to the lake with me tomorrow. My friends and I will be swimming, but he can cheer us from the shore. I’m pretty sure he won’t like the water.

  29. Oh my goodness comments 7 and 30 win the internet!!! Waco is a pretty boring town so I’ll let the experts with imagination take Rory places.

  30. I wish Rory had been at the neurologist with me today for my occipital block shots… He would have really enjoyed that! Stabbity stabbity!

  31. I love looking at the pictures. Seems like Rory is living a more exciting life than me. I don’t have any nice background to take pictures of Rory unless he wants to take it in bed with me (sounds wrong on so many level) instead I’m gonna put Rory as my handphone wallpaper.

  32. Rory can come to work with me in the morning to get a rabies shot. I’m a vet. And no one wants rabies.
    (Actually Jenny I live in San Antonio. We’re neighbors!

  33. Rory is about to have some fun at the Bowls Club. Maybe pick up a 78 year old bowler with too much swag and arthritis for Rory to handle…so they might just have a beer instead

  34. I’m seeing a trend in the Rory photos. That guy loves a good manicure, but he’s all about the thrill. I didn’t know that wild animal manicures were a thing, but he’s seriously into it.

  35. I hope this keeps going for a month bc we have some travel coming up and I’d love the kids to show Rory places. 🙂

  36. Feel better. And watch out for Hunter. Seriously.

    I’m not on any social media stuff and still enjoying Rory’s shenanigans. 🙂

  37. Jenny, do you think Rory might be able to live on a t-shirt? I realize that his smile is upside-down on the inside of one already, but I was thinking he wouldn’t get motion sickness if he was right side up on the outside so he could see and had the rest of his body for company and maybe his back on the back of the shirt so he could be seen coming (ewww, not like that!) and going (ewww not like that either– must be the allergy meds). I also realize that I just wrote the world’s longest runon sentence.

  38. Looking at the Pinterest page made my Monday morning sooooo much better. Laminating my Rory today and will be hitting the sites of Cleveland. And Chautauqua Lake this weekend (have to remember to pack the little guy). Rory needs a Cavs shirt!! 🙂

  39. I love this so much. Seeing Rory’s hilarious little self in these pictures is just giving me the giggles.

    I should totally take him with me today, because I’m doing EXCITING THINGS LIKE DROPPING OFF KIDS AND PICKING UP CAR LICENSE TABS, and everyone knows those are things that Rory shouldn’t miss.

  40. I can’t get any codeine or cocaine or whatever it is you’re on, but I think tequila might be a reasonable substitute, so I’m going to start on that soon to see if you still make sense when I’ve got a snoot-full. Rory, too.

  41. That explains a lot. My Facebook site was filling up with Rory and I didn’t know what the hell was going on.

    It always feels better being in on the joke.

  42. Not sure if you know this but plethora is one of my all-time favorite words. It’s worth more than .25 and it makes you sound all smart n’shit.

  43. I LOVE this Rory shit …..well not literally! or on second thought maybe I would love that too ( sidebar….might want to add a little pile of in to the store) . I will be sending some Rory pics soon, or I should say as soon as I get new ink in the printer so I can print him up and get this party started.

  44. Gah, I’m late to this conversation, but if you send him here, I’ll take him to Mt. Rushmore. Or to Crazy Horse Memorial. Or Deadwood? Or all three?

    But I think there is someone else in the Black Hills who also reads your blog, so maybe you’ll send it to her and she’ll take it to these places instead. Either way, he’ll be well traveled.

  45. Taking Rory with us to a trip to Cabela’s, a massive hunting store, because of the irony. Pictures tomorrow.

  46. Rory needs to visit Ely! I’ll take him to the Boundary Waters, the International Wolf Center, something called Pillow Rock, a giant hockey stick, and some other ‘fascinating, can’t-miss’ sites of northern Minnesota.

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