The 80th argument I had with Victor this month.

Me: Do you think telekenesis is real?

Victor: Probably not.

Me: I bet you five dollars I can move that glass with my mind.

Victor: Okay.

Me: Done. BAM. I picked up that glass WITH MY MIND.

Victor: Uh…no, you picked it up with your hand.

Me: My hand may have helped, but my mind was the one in charge. And I didn’t say with ONLY my mind.

Victor: You need to be more specific.

Me: You need to stop betting against me. And you need to give me five dollars.

(He did not give me five dollars, but later I got $10 out of his wallet WITH THE POWER OF MY MIND {and also my hands, and a flashlight}. The lesson here is that 1) It’s amazing what you can do with the power of your mind, {and also a corporeal body}. And 2) I will charge you a late fee if you renege on a bet.)

Winner: Me. Unless Victor reads this and takes back the $10. Then I guess we’re even. Except that I do have telekinesis to fall back on so I think I’m still winning. With my mind.

101 replies. read them below or add one

  1. My brother could play the flute with his nose. But I like your skill better.

    notquiteold recently posted Midnight Conversations.

  2. Yep, your skill is definitely more profitable

  3. I’m able to vibrate my eye balls. Never really picked up girls :-/

  4. Yeah, you were the clear winner. Tell Victor I need five dollars, too

    Michelle recently posted Surrendering And Why I Love Denis Leary.

  5. You have just proven the reality of telekinesis. Clearly you win this one and deserve the $10.

  6. Yes, you’re right. Of course you’re right. Can I have $10 now?

    Manicmom recently posted Teen Drivers and the Tao of Natural Consequences.

  7. Sometimes people are sore losers. It was nice of you to take your winnings when he didn’t have to be traumatized by knowing about it. 😉

    velezita recently posted Cozy At Home - And A Challenge.

  8. You absolutely won, Victor should know about the fine print when making a financial wager so he clearly owed you.

  9. Now you need to get rid of the $10. Spend it on something. With your mind! There’s a place down the street from me that’s selling $4.99 bottles of wine. It’s probably not good wine, but for $10 you could get two bottles of wine, and since you took the money from Victor it’s technically free wine.

    You are creating wine…with the power of your mind!

    Christopher recently posted The Return Of The Werewolf..

  10. If he takes it back, since it’s Back to the Future Day, you can go back in time get TWENTY DOLLARS and you win life, the internet, super powers and 10 extra bucks.

  11. I see a future career as a pick pocket if the book thing dries up. You go girl!!!

  12. Yep – We have a winner!

  13. And I thought “telekinesis” was the ability to get family members to change the TV channel for you???

  14. Thanks for letting us all know how to practice telekinesis on our unsuspecting partners’ wallets. 😀

    janice recently posted A very different reaction to being sick.

  15. You do not need to be more clear; Victor needs to make more specific bets. He’s not paying attention. He’s just jealous that you are more clever than he is! Well done!

  16. That means you also have pyrokinesis with the power of your mind (and your hands and a lighter)

  17. I agree with you – obviously your hand can’t do anything without your mind! So, telekinesis!

  18. giggles you’d think Victor would have learned by now… but I’m glad he hasn’t. Go you bad ass you…. what will your X-Men name be?

  19. This is actually a contentious philosophical debate about the nature of mind and consciousness. Our minds and bodies clearly could not act on their own: one controls the other, while the latter enables the former to interact with the material world. However, if the body is only a tool of the mind, is the mind directly manipulating the external reality? Or is it only interacting with our surroundings through the filter of perceptions provided by the body’s sensory apparatus? How can the mind be said to act when it has no direct physical contact with any stimulus?

  20. You absolutely won, the argument AND the bet. BTW, my day started off totally horribly awful, but I checked the mail after dropping off my kids at school and there was a letter with a sticker and your handwriting on it, and now my “Furiously Happy” book is complete! Well, not complete as in I’ve read it all yet, but that should be soon. Thank you for brightening my rainy, dreary morning!

  21. Hahaha! That is great. I can pick up a $10 bill with my toes.

    Joe…stop it.

    Marianne recently posted My Friday Off.

  22. So much we can do when we set our MINDS to it!

  23. In my mind is the only place I ever win anything.

  24. LOL! Where do you come up with this stuff?

  25. I call it a tie – you got 10 dollars and the glowing pride of punking Victor, and he got a valuable life lesson about welching on bets and underestimating the power of outside the box thinking 🙂

    Anna Kristine recently posted Marriage is the Worst. And the Best..

  26. telekinesis is totally real. what is all is in our heads. we move things around just by way of looking at them.

  27. You are always winning Jenny.
    PS Thanks for sticking with us in Toronto last night. It was long and wonderful but you must be exhausted! You did a great job of pretending you were good at being an extrovert. #FuriouslyHappy

    Kristine @ MumRevised recently posted An Open Letter to My Laundry.

  28. Clearly, Victor needs a lesson in biology and how the body actually works. You absolutely won. I typed this comment with my mind, so there’s even more proof that telekinesis exists.

  29. @comment no.18 (joe): while all i really want to say is i really appreciate your comment, you asked a question so i’d like to throw a reply back. the way i experience it our minds are parts of our bodies and they all work together. the conscious stream is the voice given to our bodies. i’m tired of this binary minds v. bodies shit.

  30. Of course you won! Even when you don’t win, you really do win because you’re really just letting Victor win to show him what a good sport you are!

  31. Lmao that was so dam funny. You are amazing.

  32. At the dinner table, my brother used to extend his hand toward the salt shaker or whatever else he wanted and focus on it as if he were trying to use the Force to pull it to him. Eventually, someone (usually me) would get annoyed at the act and just hand him the salt shaker. He would smile and say, “You see? The Force is strong in me!”

  33. Love it. I do believe I will use telekinesis to get some $$ out of the husband’s wallet. With the help of my hand and a flashlight of course! Thanks for the idea AND teaching me that we’re ALL telekinetic.

    kdcol recently posted Uninspired.

  34. And I’m a time traveller! – with my mind . . .

    Anubis Bard recently posted August Travels.

  35. I win every argument. In my mind.

  36. 36

    What Joe said.

  37. Would it be ok if I started using this argument on random people in bars and then collected money from their wallets using telekinesis while they’re thrown off-guard by my brilliance? Or is that just…theft?

  38. I went into a spate of giggles from the image of you tip toeing in the dark, with your hair in giant curlers, wending your way through your house to Victor’s wallet using only a tiny penlight, rifling through his wallet and taking the $10 bill. I giggled so hard my eyes started sweating.

    Thanks. I needed that.

  39. Sounds legit to me. Next time up the ante because I bet you can get him again with the same argument.

  40. Thank you for this laugh, Jenny. I really need it today.
    @Nick (#32): is it wrong that I still practice my Jedi skills? (Except not in public at the dinner table for the purposes of getting others to hand me stuff.)
    I also find myself wishing I could do a Summoning Charm when I misplace things.

    Library Heather recently posted In which I ponder librarianship in the wizarding world – Part 1..

  41. 41

    Id say you win. But then again, id always say you win, so I’m not sure that I’m a reliable source

  42. What if he takes back $20?

    A Crock of Schmidt recently posted When Your Vote Doesn’t Matter.

  43. Your method of reasoning is remarkably similar to that shared by both my husband and I.

    We don’t argue so much as just try to out-loophole each other.

    Spoken Like A True Nut recently posted Then the morning comes..

  44. Since you made the bet, I guess you win since nothing was specified.

  45. I think this webpage is about 20 years old and probably doesn’t work anymore, but it was fun to play with back in the day:
    My favorite was the bell curve. The clock drove me nuts. I was almost always statistically average.

  46. oh victor…why do you try so hard….silly boy!

  47. Clearly, Victor is a sore loser. He should know better than to bet against you!

  48. This reminded me of a cat I once had that had mastered the Great Levitating Hand trick. He would stare intently at a hand until it would magically rise and move over to scritch him. It was quite the impressive feat. Others have tried something similar, but never with his style.

  49. I can make fart sounds with my hands, and not at the same time as with my butt! 🙂

  50. I can keep my eyes open when I sneeze. Does that qualify? For anything?

  51. the real lesson here is never bet against a smart (or smart ass) woman.

    Lauren recently posted Opinions are like Assholes.

  52. I can use my mind to make things invisible. I see a lot of stuff that no one else does. I also use my mind to do thinking. From what I’ve seen, not many people can do that.

  53. Of course there is telekinesis. You willed your hand to move the glass. Simple.

    Gary Lum recently posted My 15 favourite things from Eat Drink Blog 6 #EDB15.

  54. If he takes back the ten, I’d make sure a hair “mysteriously” ends up in his eggs the next time you fix breakfast. Karmic score– even.

    Gina W. recently posted Pumpkin-Flavored Junk (*NSFW).

  55. beat going to the casino… i’ll try this with my husband tonite…

  56. You totally won…Victor did not think it through clearly!

    stephanielsheppy recently posted Life this week.

  57. With my telekinesis I found this:
    You have been highlighted on all my favorite book blog sites!

  58. You are technically correct; the best kind of correct!

  59. You won, obvi. I think everyone who clearly understands that fact needs $5 from Victor’s wallet, too.

  60. Seems more useful than, say, wiggling your ears (without your hands, I mean). At least $10 buys you a bottle of cheap wine. Or a coffee and a half from Starbucks.

    Jess @ NoPithyPhrase recently posted I Might Be A Jerkface.

  61. Girl, you a genius..

  62. In case your telekinesis powers fail you (IF EVER), there’s always that messed up line of arguement)

    Mila recently posted Babies don’t like to be poked.

  63. Books on the Nightstand is my favorite podcast. Are you a Booktopian?

  64. Well played, you. I must remember this bet for future arguments with my own hubby. 😆

  65. Betcha he does that on purpose just to see what you will come up with and just how far you can contort reality to suit your purpose. You are The Master.

  66. I applaud your genius. And your talent, obviously! 😉

  67. Thanks to you & Victor for making me smile 🙂

  68. Ahh, I have accomplished so much, with my mind, lately. I wish it showed that I totally cleaned the house and renovated our property last week IN MY HEAD. While my hands were…painting my nails. Because I’m a multi-tasker like that. 😉

    stef recently posted My "Disconnected" Life.

  69. You won. Hands down.

    KitKaper recently posted Our Thoughts on Open Adoption.

  70. Rules for Victor:
    #1. Jenny is always right.
    #2. When Jenny is wrong, refer to rule #1.

    P.S. Your motor cortex is totally in your brain. Your motor cortex sends signals, via motor neurons, to the effector organs (your muscles). Sensory neurons send messages back up to your brain for coordinating and modulating movement and determining your body’s position in space. This integrated activity allowed you to move the glass and the cash — you win coming (sensory) and going (motor)!!!

    P.P.S. If Victor still ain’t buying it:

  71. Why does he even bother?

    Elyse recently posted Customer Service.

  72. “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.”
    –Arthur C. Clarke

    Behold, with nothing more than this mundane rectangle of plastic, metal, and glass I hold in my hand, and a few simple mystic gestutes, I have cast the spell, Summon Pizza.

  73. If you spend the $10 quickly, Victor won’t be able to take it back! If he does, just charge another late fee.

    Eden recently posted Things to do in Bangkok, Thailand (and What to Avoid).

  74. 74

    Notice to Victor: Don’t be such a sore loser. Be a man and admit your mistake.
    Notice to Joe: Knock it off. You are not making any friends here…other than the above mentioned Victor and what does he know anyway?

  75. Victor should pay us all $5 just for the honor of considering his point of view. You still win.

    Cassandra recently posted Tesla-ing My Life.

  76. 76
    Rachel CrazyMum

    I just realized that when I ran out of cash and needed some for the next morning, I totally performed telekenesis on my husband’s wallet without knowing it! He didn’t know about it either, lol.

  77. That is so gorgeously passive and yet slightly aggressive…I think It’s like you are a bookie and you WANT YOUR MONEY!!!!!!

    The Snarky Dandelion recently posted Surgeons, Cigarettes, Crohns…….

  78. I do a lot of exercising in my mind.

    Diane Holcomb recently posted Writing: How To Do It.

  79. Or is that with my mind?

    Yeah, that’s it. I do a lot of exercising with my mind. That way I don’t sweat.

  80. I’m trying to make my mind convince my feet to lift my fat arse off the couch, so I can walk to the kitchen and use my mind to convince my hands to pour me a gin. Not working.

  81. Totally believe in telekinesis, as well as poltergeists. I strongly suspect my daughter was a poltergeist, as I was frequently finding the screen doors locked themselves after I closed them. (It’s a long story, but she was my daughter from a previous marriage, & there was a real battle for contact & time together after our marriage imploded, which eventually I had to give up on. My ex does not believe in negotiation or compromise, it’s her way or the highway, right to the bitter end.) The weird thing is that this stopped after she passed away last week. Haunted by my live daughter, but she stopped haunting me after she passed away (from bone cancer). I don’t know which is more spooky, the locking doors, or the fact it stopped after she died?! She’s now my wallpaper on my laptop, as my ex can’t stop me having access to that memory of her (a photo I took of her standing outside the TARDIS when the Doctor Who Exhibition came to Sydney for the 50th anniversary).

  82. Your logic is undeniable!

  83. I was going to get all beard-stroke-y and bring up the still unsolved mystery of mental causation, but Joe beat me to it. Also I don’t have a beard. Oh well.

    trillie recently posted "Just do what you love" and other tips to make you miserable.

  84. I mean, let’s be honest: Victor should know better by now.

    Emelie Samuelson (@AwkwardlyAlive) recently posted It should go without saying, but just to clarify, I do not decorate with boobs or butts..

  85. Yeah, your mind matters most, Bloggess. Ha. Victor will never win on your terms. 🙂

  86. Love this! Its so fresh and makes me feel like I’m not the only one! =)

  87. You totally won.

  88. At this point in time, it escapes me why he even BOTHERS to argue with you. It seems like an exercise in futility. You’re obviously ALWAYS going to have the winning opinion. He should just quite while you’re ahead.

    terib19 recently posted OMG Bloodline!!.

  89. Next time he should really get his team of lawyers to look carefully into the exact wording of the agreement.

    BunKaryudo recently posted Why Rain Socks Are not the Oddest Pair.

  90. How has Victor not yet figured out that you will ALWAYS win?

    Karen Marie Peterson recently posted Winter Book Challenge 2015.

  91. I can’t believe Victor hasn’t figured out that he can’t win with you Jenny; he’s a clever guy, so it must be that the arguments are just a game to him, where he indulges your eccentricity.

    That said, I can’t not read your blog, or the stories of arguments with Victor in your books.

    Beware though, if Victor figures out that all the arguments are fodder for your rambling writings, he may start asking for a cut from your book sales!

  92. One of the favorite things I say to a new classroom of students who are shy about raising their hands is. “Ok, everybody who believes in telekinesis please raise my hand.” I then shoot my hand up. Sure, I stole the joke from comedian Stephen Wright, but if it gets a few chuckles, it’s all good 🙂

    John Robinson recently posted Cats! They Walk Among us!.

  93. Winning!

  94. 94

    To Brian Darby (comment #3) – I can vibrate my eyeballs, too!! It always freaks out my friends. 🙂

    And Jenny – you totally won that round.

  95. Funny.
    And technically true.

  96. Lol! The power of the mind. That definitely makes much more sense than what motivational speakers talk about.

  97. LOL!! Loved this! So right on and hilarious. (I found your page via a search for blogs on Facebook, out of the blue. Glad I stumbled onto it.)

  98. 99
    Deirdre Hill Brown

    Ahahaha You won, fair and square. Tell Victor, as long as he is keeping $10 bills around, I’d like one too, (my mind is working over-time on this one!) 😉

  99. Witty and telekinetic, sounds like you, my dear, are well on your way to unstoppable. Cheers to a good battle well won.

  100. Thank you so much. I’m listening to “Furiously Happy”. I don’t even know what or where to start. Your book made me feel better (about a fear of swans, about panicking a lot about just about everything, about never dusting, about arguing with my husband over something ridiculous especially when he has no idea what I’m talking about). Thank you.

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