Pick up the book nearest you…

Someone just sent me this:


So I decided to test it with my books.

The first full sentence of page 45 of the advance copy of Furiously Happy:

“It was like the Jesus-beach-footprint-in-the-sand poem, except with less Jesus and more bleeding.”


Trying again with the final version of Furiously Happy:

“It wasn’t enough blood to be worrisome.”

So that’s…not much better.

Okay.  Let’s try the paperback of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened:

page 45 bloggess

Yeah.  I think we’re done here.

Your turn.


And now, the weekly wrap-up:

bloggess sid

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):


This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by You Made Me a Mother, a super cute picture book about motherhood. It looks innocent at first, but you start reading it to your kid and suddenly you’re draining your eyeholes of tears and your kid is asking you what the hell you’re crying about. The book came about because of a viral video and Harper Collins was quick to pen a deal with the writer, Laurenne Sala, and Robin Preiss Glasser, the illustrator behind the NYT Best-selling Fancy Nancy series and their adorable picture book that hits shelves March 8th. If you want to watch anyone weep immediately, this is the present for them. Works on all kinds of moms, especially moms having baby showers, moms whose kids are going to college, moms with taxidermy collections, moms who never have a hair out of place, and moms who strictly wear holey yoga pants. Probably not for moms who totally hate their kids. Pre-order at YouMadeMeAMother.com

541 thoughts on “Pick up the book nearest you…

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Looks like what drives me crazy don’t have no effect on you– but I’m gonna keep on at it till it drives you crazy, too.

    Selected Poems of Langston Hughes

  2. Respect for husbands is an unfamiliar idea for many wives, but there certainly are reasons for their attitude.

    Cant say that describes my love life, I have great respect for my husband.

    I think I like your books better!!

  3. Place the thumb of the right hand on the V-groove label and place the index and middle fingers on the front of the base. – The Complete Guide To Basic Mat Cutting

    thinking very dirty thoughts here

  4. “What are you waiting for?” Louis asked him.

    From a book i grabbed for my son at the library – ‘George Brown, class clown It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane, It’s Toiletman!

    hmmm. i’m sensing a different trend here – i think the nearest book TITLE describes your marriage?????

  5. “Next Round: Knit 1 (2, 1), *k1, k2tog; repeat from * around — 15 (18, 19) sts.”
    Geek Knits by Joan of Dark & Kyle Cassidy
    (which btw is HUGO AWARD ELIGIBLE – vote, y’all!)

    I mean… I guess it could be a seen as a metaphor for the comfortable monotony of long-term relationships…?

  6. “Upon hatching, the entire complement of tadpoles is carried by the male.” I have no idea what to do with that.

  7. …a stick if she needed to escape, OE to use the dense balls to knock the guards unconscious. Exhausted, she returned to her bedroom and finally hoisted herself on the enormous bed.

  8. “Yahweh left then; I don’t know if he went into the city or back up into the sky or what, the Bible doesn’t say, but it does say that Abraham turned around and went home.” ~The Holy Bible: Best God Damned Version (The Books of Moses)

    That does kind of sum it up.

  9. Greg read each item on his list and asked himself,”So, what do I want?”
    Oh, Greg. You’re killing me.

  10. “At the studios, she and the other extras changed into short-sleeved school blouses, white socks, gym shoes and the shorts that the film-makers worked into the curriculum at every opportunity.”

    Um. My love life is in porn? (It’s a biography of Vivien Leigh)

  11. “At first I think we’re the shadow, but then I see illuminated statues of Frank and Jesse James in their secret hideout below.” Leisure Time by Michael Zadoorian

  12. So you’re saying that all these books are just laying around, full of pages that explain our love lives, while I’ve been stuffing my face daily at The Asian Buffet just to get that fortune cookie at the end for nothing?!

  13. “He was also very seriously irreverent and he really did not have any patience for pomposity or pretension.” PERFECTION. (Page 45 of a Grateful Dead coffee table book, opening on Lhil Lesh.) ❤️

  14. Honest to God (!) in “This Explains Everything” by John Brockman: “Sex is not entirely a pastime of mutual pleasure between consenting adults.” I think my love life is well summed up by just the first half of the sentence….”Sex is not entirely a pastime.”

  15. “She was never seen again,” Galen said as he slid the sword into his belt.

    Either I am not doing this right or it is a commentary on loss of self after having children. Either way, I need to reevaluate what I am reading to my 5 year old…. because it is his book. >.<

  16. “The man in Jersey said: ‘Your luck, some broad’s pickin’ us up on her electric dildo.’ ” (Skin Tight by Carl Hiaasen). This is the book that should have been next to me, but I left it in the kitchen. The one actually nearest to me said, “The major spoke to an orderly who went out of sight in the back and came back with a metal basin of cold cooked macaroni.” (A Farewell to Arms by some dude called Hemingway who couldn’t be bothered to have his first name on the front cover. 😉 Cold macaroni, huh? Hmmm.

  17. My book was the nearest to me…”Tell me everything you know!” Was the sentence. Well. Strangely appropriate.

  18. Well the closest book was Let’s Pretend This Never Happened. So I went with the second closest….”Potash has been used for millennia for making everything from soap and glass to fertilizer and bleach.”

    Yeah, that about sums it up.

  19. ‘”Not a hope darling,” panted Prince Charles.’ [The Queen and I – Sue Townsend]

    Well I’m not sure what to say about that…

  20. “A picture so ludicrous entered her mind that she chuckled out loud.” Tennessee Williams Collected Stories
    Yep, sounds about right.

  21. “From Fatalism to Hope” pg 45 is apparently a chapter title page in Henri Nouwen’s Turn My Mourning into Dancing and it is incredibly fitting. But also possibly depressing since all my love life ever seems to be is hope…

  22. “Why don’t you check your system again?” she said through gritted teeth.
    Yikes. Gritted teeth, though. Unfortunately that part does fit.

  23. Unfortunately, the nearest book to me is a coding manual. So apparently my love life is:

    protected void CreateStaticMenu() {

    which is… worrying.

  24. “I don’t think so,” said Richard, coldly, and he walked out of the office, leaving his briefcase behind him. — From Gaiman’s Neverwhere.

    I really wish this didn’t resemble my love life in any way. O.o

  25. Re #28 Integratedexpat – you must have the hardcover of “Skin Tight.” The paperback’s first line on page 45 (and I swear I read it before I read these comments): “Christina couldn’t be sure, but she thought she saw a hungry spark in the eyes of Reynaldo Flemm.”

  26. “Jeez. I think I’ll get Jane a skirt-length of tartan instead.” Dragonfly in Amber (2nd Outlander book). Rather tame, considering the books. 😉

  27. The nearest book is a guide to Japanese kanji characters. The top of p.45 is the character for “hard, difficult, bitter.”

  28. the blank page before the next chapter . . . well, yeah, I guess that does describe it perfectly. How uncany, how do They know these things?

  29. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. “Clutching his broken glasses to his face he stared around.’

    Also I just want to quickly say Thank You to Gray for sending me a copy of Furiously Happy! I sent a thank-you via Amazon but also wanna say it here. 💚❤️💜

  30. I am surrounded by books about medical coding and electronic health records. They will make no sense, which makes perfect sense.

  31. I only had a French-English dictionary, but the first entry on page 45 was, remarkably, chef-d’oeuvre: masterpiece.

  32. “Manny started to fuss and his pacified came half-way out of his mouth”. Hahahaha! This seems strangely fitting. And disturbing.

  33. “Straight lines in curved space time look curved to us for precisely the same reason that lines of longitude on the surface of the Earth look curved to us; the space upon which the straight lines are defined is curved.” -Human Universe, Prof. Brian Cox & Andrew Cohen

  34. “He woke up late next morning after a disturbed sleep. ”

    Huh. Welp. Uhhhhh. My poor husband????

  35. “With or without papers… Many people recommend that prospective goat buyers see the goat being milked, or better yet, milk her themselves”… Uhhhh ok? (Storeys guide to raising dairy goats). That’s kind of awkward!

  36. “Laira watched as the man before her stripped off her clothes.”

    Mated by Gwendolyn Cease (that’s me)

    And that’s a pretty good sentence if I say so myself. LOL

  37. From Unspoken, “I feel that I shall stand henceforth in thy shadow.”
    Well, that seems a little depressing.

  38. I think I have the winner! This is from the Reader’s Digest Fix-it-Yourself Manual: There are several reasons for draining the plumbing system.

  39. “Ethics,” he sneered. “I couldn’t name one man, rich or poor, who wouldn’t discard them for the right price.”
    Dreaming of You by Lisa Kleypas

    Timely with Trump seemingly everywhere these days.

  40. “I didn’t realize just how stuck Ronaldo was, until a few summers ago when my wife and I spent several days trying to clean out his gutter.”
    -Ronaldo, by Andrew D. Cohen in the Spring 2015 Missouri Review.

    I’m going to be wondering about that for the rest of the day, thank you.

  41. “People often referred to us as The Beginner’s Press, but that was most definitely not our name; good Lord, no”

    I’m not sure what to make of that…

  42. “When my best friend Jamie finally broke up with her evil boyfriend who had the personality of a raw potato, I considered it a hallowed day.” — The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club, by Laurie Notaro. I have no idea what that says about my love life… doesn’t sound good, though. (But it was my hubby who gave me the book, so..?)

  43. “We’ll see you in seven days,” said Andrew. (Cartwheel, by Jennifer DuBois). Hmmmm.

  44. “I suppose it’s possible that, giddy in her liberation, Ada decided to go see the Iffley oak.” Well that’s spot on! (Gregory Maguire’s “After Alice”)

  45. “If only I had been able to meet her, if just once.” Uh, so…I’m gay and didn’t know it because I missed meeting my true love? Thank you, Brandon Sanderson (Elantris), for the enlightenment.

  46. “You use to have a crush on my,” she teased him.

    Mary Higgins Clark
    Nighttime Is My Time

  47. “Ask students to apply a newly mastered skill in a more challenging situation.” -Teach Like a Champion: Field Guide by Doug Lemov

    LOL! So…does this mean I need to start up a Bull Durham style education harem? I dunno if I got enough Susan Sarandon in me to pull that off 😉

  48. “CHOKER – this hunched-over wretch has long, pliable arm like tentacles capped with five wide, spiny claws.” Pathfinder Bestiary

  49. “Altogether, the Old Bailey, at that date, was a choice illustration of the precept, that “Whatever is, is right”; an aphorism that would be as final as it is lazy, did not include the troublesome consequence, that nothing that ever was, was wrong.” A tale of two cities
    I don’t even know what that means. Lol

  50. “We call on it to explain our experiences and put them in order”

    So, yeah. A chapter about the neuroscience of trauma.

  51. “We’ve got to take cotton quick before the land dies.” -The Grapes of Wrath

    Nope, yeah, that definitely makes sense. I think it’s actually a suggestion for the argument I can make when I steal my husband’s t-shirts to wear to bed and he’s all “stop taking my clean clothes! You have your own t-shirts.”

    “No babe, I’m doing it for climate change. It’s the only way to save the earth.”

  52. “Packing all of your belongings into a U-Haul and then transporting them across several states is nearly as stressful and futile as trying to run away from lava in swim fins.” Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh

  53. First closest book was Furiously Happy.

    Next closest book, The Insomnia Solution: “This was a very fertile time for me.” Ummmmm, ok?

  54. “When the affair finally ended, Maud decided to quell any rumors that had surfaced about her character and get married.” – Petticoats, Patriots, and Partition by Shannon Haire

    Umm.. that really doesn’t sound like me.

  55. “…know that grasping at this hope is a source of misery that makes a short-term pleasure a long-term hell.” – From Pema Chodron’s “When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times”

    This sentence actually starts at the bottom of page 44. In its entirety it reads:

    “We’ve done it so many times that we know that grasping at this hope is a source of misery that makes a short-term pleasure a long-term hell.”

    Either way… it’s still pretty fuckin’ legit.

  56. “Hang on,” blurted Harry. “What about my punishment?”…Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. 8^O

  57. “And when he hugged me I felt a little weird because it felt like a stranger was hugging me.” Page 45 of Bream gives me hiccups by Jesse Eisenberg. No comment necessary.

  58. “Shipping protection for heavy-duty machinery, large parts and bulky items.” -U-Line Catalog

    Promising, considering I’m at work and this is the only book here besides the tax codes.

  59. Midway through the concert, he grew giddy, at both the advisory of the band and the crammedness of the space, and began inexpertly missing with JB, the two of them springing off their neighbors and bystanders until everyone was crashing into one another, but cheerfully, like a bunch of tipsy toddlers.
    – A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara

  60. “What a difference a day can make.” Fifty shades darker. Well that was a boring one

  61. “Vogon poetry is, of course, the third worse in the universe”
    -Hitchhiker’s Guide

    Is this saying that I am a Vogon poem and that nobody wants me?

  62. “The diagram is a representation of the isometric axes, each labeled to indicate relative position and direction.”– WT-fiddy-F??!!!

  63. “What is it, Mom?”
    From Welcome to Night Vale.
    That DEFINITELY does not describe my love life D:

    Therapists are human, just like everyone else.
    From When Panic Attacks by David D. Burns, MD
    I don’t think that one is terribly well suited either…. I mean really, I’m definitely not human three-fourths the time (and certainly never before my coffee), so why should I believe that everyone else is?

  64. The first book I picked up had a blank page where 45 was…which I think is pretty accurate in regard to my love life. I tried again: “Given how much they’ve invested in protecting whatever’s going on down there, I’d say they believe thy’re way ahead of anyone else.” –The Mask, by Taylor Stevens. I think it makes me sound like a prostitute and I’m okay with that.

  65. Mine is pretty disturbing….!!
    “You’d have to be deaf not to hear those stupid girls, moaning and groaning and squealing like boiled kittens….”
    A Tale for the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki.

  66. “He would show them!” – S is for Space, Pillar of Fire – by Ray Bradbury.
    What?! That makes no sense!
    Oh, yeah..right. Got it now. Slow on the uptake.

  67. “You make a lot more sense now,” Stoke said.

    I suppose I do now that I have a healthy relationship.

  68. Marion Lake, Kings Count Park, California C 1925

    (From the works of Ansel Adams – its just a book of photos and location titles)

  69. “The scrape of wood on rock jerked my eyes to a surface demon, it’s gaunt shadow rising up black against the still-darkening horizon.” I’d say the majority of my relationships have been with surface demons.

  70. The nearest book is a Vietnamese Banh Mi cookbook, and page 45 is a picture of a delicious chicken salad baguette…may actually be accurate.

  71. “They had a picture that’d shoot a few steroids into their saggy-ass circulation, and they fucking used it.” Stephen King, Mr. Mercedes. Well then. I wish I’d been reading something a bit more highbrow, cuz this sounds like my lovelife is based on weird porn.

  72. “Not enough blood to be worrisome” is the most perfect description of a successful relationship I can think of. But the nearest book to me is a Junie B Jones; she smiled at us with big white teeth. This also works.

  73. “Load the cart, Will Henry,” the doctor directed me,as he, with a firm handbook the old man’s elbow, guided- or forced- Erasmus toward the basement steps.”. The Monstrumologist by Rick Yancy

    This implies I participate in some very interesting activities.

  74. The fFN screening test detects a protein in the vagina only present of there has been a separation in the amniotic sac from the uterine wall.


  75. “You make a lot more sense now,” Stoke said. (from Alterra by Zackary Bonelli)

    Incredibly accurate since I am now in a healthy and happy relationship. Ten years ago that wasn’t true.

  76. “Hang on,” blurted Harry. “What about my punishment?” -Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

  77. “It’s embarrassing to pick your life partner according to what television shows he watched as a child, but in a way that’s exactly what I did” (first line on page 45 of “We Need to Talk About Kevin.” Not really relevant to me; my boyfriend never watched Nicktoons growing up, and Nicktoons were my life.

  78. By myself rafter noon, people shuffle to the dining room, anxious to play away an hour or two.

  79. Sometimes she wispered the word “Mama” and saw the face of her mother a hundred times in just one afternoon. – Ehh, no! Well, I didn’t expect The Book Thief to explain any part of my love life, to be fair.

  80. “You are… you are…” the merchant tried to control himself. “You have nothing… You are nothing”
    Star Wars – The Force Awakens

    Now that’s encouraging… Hurray for the single life! (Please note the sarcasm)

  81. “Your hands are bound, and your feet are hobbled, and you’re leashed to a stake in the ground.” – The Golem and the Jinni

    Fortunately, couldn’t be further from the truth!

  82. Book:
    The Sandman Vol. 10
    The Wake
    By Neil Gaiman

    (Yes. This was my closest book.)

    First sentence on page 45:
    “When I first met him… He was the most gallant of lovers.”


  83. “forgive me!” he said.
    hahahaha – no, I need more – hahahahahahaha .. how true (The Lie Tree, Frances Hardinge)

  84. From “Supporting Windows 8.1 Exam Ref 70-688”:
    “With the package created, you are now ready for deployment”.

    Sounds kinda kinky. Related: I flunked this exam yesterday. 😐

  85. “What Bertie needed was a good friend, somebody who thought the same way as he did, and who was neither selfish, like Tofu, nor bossy, like Olive.” Yup, Alexander McCall Smith definitely explains my lack of love life.

  86. “They say that a leopard cannot change his spots; neither, perhaps, can a gunman scrub his clothing hard enough to wash away the red.”

  87. “I didn’t succeed in ignoring the sensations that were coming from my arm, but I tried awfully hard.”

    ….. arm?

  88. My entire bookshelf was closest to me, but the one on top of the pile:
    “warming, drying, and otherwise altering their habits” The View From Lazy Point by Carl Safina
    Next book down in the pile: page 45 is the start of a chapter entitled: Sex, Pregnancy and Making Babies, first line reads “Many of nature’s wildest behaviours concern matters of sex and reproduction.” – Genetics in the Wild – John C. Avise

    Hmmm…there seems to be a theme about altered behaviours here….

  89. “That seems to be a risky plan, because Jon might adopt the beliefs of those around him and conclude that he is in fact not worthy of unconditional love.”

    From Your Soul’s Plan, peeking in on the soul’s planning meeting of Jon to determine if he planned to contract AIDS during his lifetime (yes), and how doing so could produce soul growth (read the book – it’s amazingly enlightening).

    The only way this relates to my love life is that I planned to meet my husband before I was born, and we shared a mutual agreement that our relationship would support our mutual soul’s growth; and so far, it has.

  90. “Preparing your kitchen for healthy foods requires proper tools”. I’m just going to assume this in a euphemism?

  91. “ABJURE, RENOUNCE, FORSWEAR, RECANT, RETRACT mean to withdraw one’s word or professed belief.” I had a feeling the dictionary on my desk would provide some good material for this.

  92. “It’s so effective that I now rely on it almost exclusively when I need to get myself to do something important.”
    Hyperbole and a half, UK paperback.

  93. I’ve broken with tradition on some points. (Neil Gaiman – Trigger Points)

    Yep, That seems to speak for him, maybe less so for me, but I can work with it.

  94. Spot on:
    “A severe attack usually left the victim completely drained, and often with the lungs still dangerously twitchy.”
    ~Diana Gabaldon, MOBY (aka In My Own Heart’s Blood)

  95. “Adventurers are extraordinary people, driven by a thirst for excitement into a life that others would never dare lead.” –D&D Player’s Handbook, 5th ed

    Oooh…I can’t wait!

  96. “I’ve seen a positive benefit from every negative thing that has happened in my life, including every injury” – Ronda Rousey

  97. “Chatterton collected his gear from the rear deck and began to suit up while Nagle attempted to hook the wreck.” – from Shadowdivers by Robert Kurson. My love life sounds… interesting?

    Or perhaps “What are you holding in your hands?” from the Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up – which leaves me with even more concerns.

  98. Bahaha: “The ability to determine the superiority of an individual rooster by the quality or rate of his crow allows dominant males to identify other dominant adversaries, while subordinate roosters are able to maintain a ‘respectable’ distance in order to avoid attacks.” Chicken, by Annie Potts

  99. “He laughed aloud, a fine bass laugh through which his eyes gleamed merrily and with infinite shrewdness.” – The Wind’s Twelve Quarters

  100. If you can believe this, the book I picked up has NO PAGE NUMBERS. So I manually counted to 45 and got this:

    “Unable to bring myself to part with it, I would try the item on repeatedly, standing in front of the mirror, but in the end, would be forced conclude that it just didn’t suit me.” – From The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up

    Yeah, that about sums it up.

  101. Ummmmm:
    “A radish-eyed old geezer in hiking books [sic] walked by, pushing a grocery cart. He saw the two of them looking into the cooler and piped, “You catch some fish?”

    I love me a hot geezers in hiking books. Doesn’t everybody?

  102. As God is my witness: “‘A true benefactor,’ said the face at the hole.”

    Then I tried Jane Eyre: Nonsense! But you are rather put upon, that’s certain.

  103. I put out a hand impulsively to touch him, take his arm, but he drew away and stood back, watching impassively as Bobby nailed down the lid.

    I guess this could be taken as suggesting a voyeuristic threesome of some sort. Unfortunately the preceding partial sentence is “the shroud gently up over his wife’s cold face.” Ick

  104. (From me: this is from The Rocky Mountain Mushroom Book, which is actually a booklet, but it was the closest.) “Head 1/2 to 1 1/2″ wide and 1 1/4 to 2″ high, green and wrinkled; covered with olive-green slime…” (This is me again: this is regarding the Phallus impudicus mushroom, aka Stinkhorn; there is also an interesting picture included. I may have included too many words, or not enough; I was laughing too hard to count.)

  105. “We went into the bedrooms.” — The Lady in the Lake, by Raymond Chandler

    Because one bedroom is boring.

  106. He was seated in isolated splendor amid the heavy victorian furnishings in Miss Thelma’s front room. -The Cove, Catherine Coulter

  107. My book (Naked by Saps Sedaris) is mid-sentence, and that sentence reads, “I watched as he picked it up and leafed through the first few pages before raising his head to search the parking lot, combing the area as if he might spot either a surveillance camera or, preferably, a vanload of naked singers pressing their bare breasts against the window and inviting him to join the fun.”

  108. “What’s more, thankfully, I did not resemble him in any way.” from The Valley of Amazement by Amy Tan.

  109. “I always wonder if I would have done any of those if Mom and Dad had still been alive.”
    from ‘God, No’ by Penn Jillette.

    Finally. The clue.

  110. Endolye: “I see,” it said, wiping its forehead with one of its arms, and placing two others where its hips would be, if it had any, which it didn’t, “and why are you doing that?”

    Hmmmm, yeah, maybe so. This is page 45 on my computer, since the book isn’t in print – but I’m assuming it still counts?

  111. In Pete’s opinion, kids who wanted a little mental health vacation from their parents also won.

    Finders Keepers – Stephen King

  112. Music book, Down to the River to Pray page 45 first line, “As I went down to the river to pray, studyin’ about that good ol’ way and who shall wear the robe and crown. Good Lord, show me the way.”

  113. “In addition to the physical value of things, there are three other factors that add value to our belongings: function, information, and emotional attachment.”

  114. ‘The noise will wake everyone.’

    (This is hilarious for too many reasons…)

    (From page 45 of The House At The End Of Hope Street by Menna Van Praag.)

  115. “Use TWEEN ANGST whenever Barry experienced this state, as described by himself or his mother, during his sixth through eighth grade school years.”

    The Coding Manual for Qualitative Researchers (2nd ed.) – Johnny Saldana

  116. “This will help prevent you from feeling a loss of identity.”
    Page 45, from: Promoting Recovery from First Episode Psychosis. A Guide for Families.

  117. OK, so I am visiting at a friend’s house and the nearest book is an architectural and building trades dictionary, with a bookmark on page 45…
    BOX COLUMN: A type of built up hollow column used in porch construction; it is usually square in form.
    Not even gonna go there… Also, who could eat such a cookie?

  118. Hook a weight belt to your left ankle and harness it to a weight machine.
    My DH’s book laying on the coffee table: “Cycling Endurance and Speed” by Michael Shermer
    Does this mean one of us is “shackled?”

  119. “God’s ways are not man’s ways, God’s reasons not man’s reasons, so when God told Charles Guiteau to shoot the president, Charles Guiteau agreed.”. The Tale of Dueling Neurosurgeons by Sam Kean.

  120. ‘I’m drinking fucking Dewars and what’s it to you.’

    I think I need a better psychic.

  121. “By their third day, Isabelle was numb with exhaustion.” (I feel I need to explain that this is from The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah…a book about women WWII)

  122. No, ma’am, most certainly not.

    From Ira Levin’s Son of Rosemary…..pretty good fit.

  123. “She hoped that people couldn’t hear her teeth grinding.” Yep. Pretty much sums it up.

  124. I’m not even kidding, the book closest to me was a book about pilates and the first sentence on page 45 says, “Initiate the movement from the pelvis, not the shoulders.” WELL DUH.

  125. So…there were two books close by. The first line of its 45th page says:

    “Do not fear the ghosts in this house; they are the least of your worries.”

    The second:

    “Some anthropologists also began taking ethnographic photographs, and by the 1890s some began shooting documentary films or recording speech, songs, and music of these so-called vanishing peoples.”

    I’m not sure which is better/worse.

  126. “I don’t think you can help me there, but thank you,” I answered.
    Page 45 from Crouching Vampire, Hidden Fang (an unfortunate line to be sure but not exactly wrong. 🙂 )

  127. well, the closest book is “let’s Pretend This Never Happened” – (currently about to start page 265) but since THAT one’s been done . . . the second closest book says:
    “Here are some general thoughts to keep in mind when you are approaching treatment of a resistant pathogen” –Herbal Antiobiotics Natural Alternantives For Treating Drur-Resistant Bacteria
    the third closest book is about dog cancer, soooo . . . can i just go swoop one offa the bookshelf ?

  128. “Evelyn opened her purse and gave Mrs. Threadgoode one of the pimento cheese sandwiches she had wrapped in waxed paper and brought from home.”


  129. “‘Listen, I don’t want to pry,’Quentin said, ‘but I’m assuming you have some secret magical way of dealing with the negative health effects of all those cigarettes.'”-The Magicians, Lev Grossman. No cigarettes or magic here, but there were several other books on the table.
    This one worked better.
    “Bobby apparently wasn’t the dodgeball winner often, because when they congratulated him, he didn’t seem to know how to respond.”- Games Creatures Play
    Yep, sounds about right.

  130. Oh, and it would make a bit more sense, I suppose, if I told you what they were! The first was the first line of Neil Gaiman’s poem “The Hidden Chamber” in his book Fragile Things. The second was an anthropology textbook called “Anthropology: The Human Challenge.”

  131. “She pivoted and walked, back straight, iron grey waves glinting in the sun, along the path of light.”

    Outlander by Diana Gabaldon

    Just received my package of the first four of the series, purchased on half.com, haven’t started them yet, need to finish my current read first (The Martian, can’t see the movie until I’m done!).

  132. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: “Errol!” Said Ron, taking the limp owl from Percy and extracting a letter from under its wing.

  133. It just didn’t occur to me that we wouldn’t be able to get out at the other end.

    Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

  134. “They sit on their beds and then take off their shoes. Their shoes are worn right through. So are mine.”
    That about sums it up! It’s been a good life but surely am worn out now!! lol

  135. “Well, Baby is completely out of her mind,” I overheard Isabelle saying to the social worker.
    (From Lullabies for Little Criminals by Heather O’Neill)

  136. “REI gear and clothing give you the performance and reliability you need for the outdoor adventures you love.”

    I’m in a store, so I had to go with the nearest package label. It’s for down-filled booties. That’s good, right?

  137. On first sight it looked distressingly forlorn, huddled there in the laps of the great Olympics,

    The Egg and I by Betty MacDonald

  138. “How to get it down.”

    Yes. This describes my love life. I’d love to learn a simpler, less…invasive way. And if I’m not involved at all- even better.

  139. “I never saw fields of such puny and unpromising looking corn as in this town.” Oh, good lord that’s funny. And sad. And funny again.

  140. “The final autopsy diagnoses were the following: AIDS with opportunistic pneumonia (Pneumocystis jirovecii), multifocal leukoencephalopathy, mild cerebrocortical atrophy, B cell lymphoma of the brain, streptococcal pyelonephritis, and opportunistic infection of the small and large intestines (cytomegalovirus).”
    From The Nature of Diseases. Hmm. Rather depressing. Let’s try the 2nd nearest book.
    “And nobody said anything?” From Magic Dreams by Ilona Andrews (granted – I had to count pages as it’s on my kindle). Hmm. Clearly rereading books isn’t helping my love life either.

  141. “These will be of youngish middle age, with nothing aside from the REEK OF WRONGNESS to give away the fact that they report directly to the DARK LORD”


  142. “When the Chiefs made the last agreement with the government, it told the people that the government would always pay in gold or silver, now they heard that it would pay in paper, and the Pawnees did not want that.” from Some Things Are Not Forgotten.
    No, we do not……

  143. “The Priest?” he said dryly.
    -The Bloodbound by Erin Lindsey

    Well this is awkward. And no, definitely not. O_o

  144. “I’m looking through Mia’s baby book when it hits me: in second grade she had an imaginary friend named Chloe.”

    What the fresh hell. XD

  145. I don’t want to say, because it actually is about sex lol. Take into account, I’m reading BLACK DAGGER BROTHERHOOD, so vampire p0rn basically.

    “Oh my god, I’m going to come-I’m going to come-“. 😃😳

  146. ‘Unlike “tactical” strikes aimed at an enemy’s military forces, “strategic” bombing focused on transportation systems and factories, the economic infrastructure necessary for waging war.’

    Command and Control by Eric Schlosser

    This explains so much.

  147. In the course of these duties he also learned, in an entirely informal way, to fly.

  148. “I don’t believe the fear of pregnancy was the main block to female sexual participation.”

    You have no idea how true that actually is.

  149. “His body still hadn’t been found.”

    Yep. That about sums it up. From All-Night Party: The Women of Bohemian Greenwich Village and Harlem, by Andrea Barnet

  150. “Well, well,” I said, “perhaps you have – still I don’t see them”; and I handed him the paper without additional remark, not wishing to ruffle his temper; but I was much surprised at the turn affairs had taken; his ill humor puzzled me – and, as for the drawing of the beetle, there were positively no antennae visible, and the whole did bear a very close resemblance to the ordinary cuts of a death’s-head.”

    Either this doesn’t really work with Poe, or I have invisible antennae. I always suspected as much.

  151. Technically the book nearest me is the World Atlas and page 45 is a geographical map of Arizona. There are no sentences on it. Hu, my love life is a vast desert, that’s so accurate it’s spooky.

  152. “As we drove off, she leaned against the ramp and lit a cigarette.”
    Yep, that’s about the right amount of What-the-Fucked-Uppedness.

  153. “Her argument was radical enough” from Notorious RBG (about Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg

  154. “Elizabeth, having rather expected to affront him, was amazed at his gallantry; but there was a mixture of sweetness and archness in her manner which made it difficult for her to affront anybody; and Darcy had never been so bewitched by any woman as he was by her.”

    Hm. XD

  155. “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz: “Use white magic, beginning with yourself.”

  156. … another coin, which Kennerly caught on the fly. “Surely. You stayin’ a little?” — maybe The Dark Tower was the wrong book to pick up for a heartfelt love life? But at least I’m getting paid in this version.

  157. “During the next year or two he had turned up fairly often, coming unexpectedly after dusk, and going off without warning before sunrise.”
    The Fellowship of the Ring 🙂

  158. Nor were her clothes the kind of rough-and-tumble play clothes that the Whitshank children wore. From A Spool of Blue Thread by Anne Tyler. Guess it depends on what kind of play clothes we’re talking about!

  159. Clouds rose in peaks and valleys like vast mountains, an entire realm of slow grace and breathtaking beauty.

    Academ’s Fury by Jim Butcher

  160. “In 1992, the television show Dateline NBC aired footage from inside a garment factory in Bangladesh that featured a Walmart production line where kids as young as seven were operating machines and trimming garments.”

    … I got nothin’. Maybe I should have gone with one of my other school books….

  161. from “William” by E.H. Young; “Oh, did you?” sorta sums THAT up…

    “Unhallowed Ground” by Mel Starr–‘I made no reply to these pleas for some minutes’

    Not going there….beg all you want, baby, Im not giving in. nope.

  162. From my Kindle: “I got the whole thing so mixed up that I decided that it would be a sound scheme for me to stop on in America for a bit instead of going back and having long cosy chats about the thing with aunt.” Much more accurate. (My Man Jeeves)

  163. “She survived, but another nun who was put in her room afterward came down with smallpox, went confluent, and died.” This can’t be good. From The Demon in the Freezer by Richard Preston.

  164. “It was dark space to fly in–a bad place for seeing who was getting close to you, but a good spot for a quiet rendezvous with people whose looks you already knew.” (Star Trek #18: My Enemy, My Ally)

  165. ‘Usually it was like spillage – cold and heavy, slippery and gray – but once in a while some stars had the nerve to rise and float, if only for a few minutes’
    From ‘The Book Thief’

  166. The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure. – Joseph Campbell in Brené Brown’s “Rising Strong”

  167. I have a shelf full of books to my right. So I held my arm out straight and picked the one most aligned with me.

    “What makes you think you’ll outlive me, you dirty dog?” (The Cat Who Sang for the Birds.)

    Doesn’t seem very promising.

  168. “He fell over onto the floor before me unconscious with a thump.”

    Uprooted by Naomi Novik.

  169. Keep them too warm and potatoes’ll sprout or go bad.( In search of perfection by Heston Blumenthal.)

  170. “Alii possunt, alii nequeunt.”
    Whatever that means. It’s from a Latin version of Winnie the Pooh that I forgot to give my daughter the last time she was in town.
    The next sentence mentions Heffelumps though, so that sounds about right

  171. “The satisfactions and pleasures of life consisted less in doing them than in having ticked them off the list.”
    All that I am – Anna Funder

  172. “The long-nosed monkey of Borneo must be skinned out quite to the tip while the specimen is fresh, or it will dry up horribly.”

    I’m scared! Lol

  173. “That little slanty-eyed butt-wiggler.” Enders Game. Orson Scott Card, Signed Author’s Definitive Edition.
    Wow, just wow.

  174. “It is tempting to regard this period as a grim catalogue of cruelty and abuse, but it is worth reminding ourselves that not every good-time girl came to a bad end.” – from a history of prostitution in London. . . wish I had been reading ANYTHING else

  175. Shadow washed his face with the rest room’s liquid soap, then he lathered his face and shaved.

  176. “Milankovich used his comprehensive mathematical and astronomical expertise to calculate changes in the passage of the earth around the sun and the rotation around its own axis.” From Quicksand by Henning Mankell. I’ve not got to p45 yet, but the book is the authors story of dealing with his own mortality after being diagnosed with cancer, so I really wasn’t hopeful – this, though, was unexpected.

  177. “Most people would be alarmed if a stranger pounced into the passenger seat of their car without invitation and made themselves comfortable.” Really not sure how to interpret that.

  178. “Their only hope is to come with me.” ~Rick Riordan The Red Pyramid I suppose it all depends on how you interpret that 6th word.

  179. …Oh, no… the book nearest to me is a history book.

    “Holmes knew- everyone knew- that as skyscrapers soared and the stockyards expanded their butchery, the demand for workers would remain high, and that workers and their supervisors would seek to live in the city’s suburbs, with their promise of smooth macadam, clean water, decent schools, and above all air untainted by the stench of rotting offal from the Union Yards.”

    As much as “stockyards”, “high demand for workers” and “stench of rotting offal” are all things you don’t want associated with your love life, the worst bit is “Holmes”. It’s referring to H. H. Holmes, the serial killer who built a murder palace in Chicago in the 1890s.

    Maaaaaybe I just shouldn’t date?

  180. Uh. I’m reading NeuroTribes (a book on autism) and got “There are thin cracks in the lid of an antique camphorwood chest at the foot of Craig and Shannon’s bed, because the chest made a perfect launching pad for experimental flights towards their mattress.”
    Yes. I believe I can fly. And am also luging hard enough to snort right now.

  181. “But she crept out of the room, and was very much relieved to find an excuse for doing it.”
    from A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett. I’ve been reading it to my daughter. But also an apt depiction in this context. Ha.

  182. “Part of the funerary ritual required the creation of ancestor tablets for a deceased emperor and empress.” From “worshiping the ancestors Chinese commemorative portraits” Huh.

  183. First attempt, “Blogging for Writers”- a reference book. “In the welcome section, you’re encouraged to “Customize your site”, as well as “Write your first blog post, and “Manage widgets or menus”. Second attempt, I used my favourite read, “Wild” by Cheryl Strayed: “The words are purposes. The words are maps.”~ Adrienne Rich, in Cheryl Strayed “Wild.

  184. “I’d gone to their show to prove that I was ok with the way things turned out.” (I’m always the bridesmaid) Twice Tempted: A night Prince Novel by Jeanine Frost.

  185. “And so on.” Black Girl Dangerous by Mia McKenzie.

    That’s actually … pretty accurate.

  186. I’m in the middle of three books:
    Infinite home by Kathleen Alcott- “The kid always said hello.”
    The Marriage of Opposites by Alice Hoffman- “…and in the end you’ll become used to him.”
    Bed of Roses by Nora Roberts- “Only fourtynine to go”
    Not sure they make sense, been married since 1984 and together since 1980.
    What do you think?

  187. “Jeanette Nord’s cousin knew someone who’d been whacked so often in the head with her own arithmetic stick that she’d suffered brain damage and permanent baldness, according to Jeanette.”

    Wally Lamb’s She’s Come Undone.

  188. “‘Kunyant has a baby in her tummy,’ my mother told me.” (Slave: My True Story by Mende Nazer)

    Oh, dear! I surely hope not!

  189. sheesh, my pocket Constitution was the nearest book…can tell there is no love life…

    “On September 25, 1789, Congress transmitted to the state legislatures twelve proposed amendments of which the first two deal with Congressional representation and Congressional pay.

  190. The book (Death Investigator’s Handbook, vol. 3) starts with pg.649, so I added 45 to 649 (already this seems accurate)
    Page 694 is blank.


  191. “In that case, it was perfectly acceptable to relegate them to the role of “deaf-mute orphan” and “houseplant’ whenever you made up games.”
    This is eerily accurate.
    The book is “Hypocrite In a Pouffy White Dress -Tales of Growing Up Groovy and Clueless” by Susan Jane Gilman.

  192. “For moment it was as if a cloud had dimmed the sun.” The Desert and the Blade, by S.M. Stirlng.

  193. “But now–oh, now, all is lost: everything is lost, and there is no help more!”

    ….thats a damn shame.

  194. Coach: “Ah, gee, Ed, I don’t know”; we’ve had so many good boys. (this seems to be strangely appropriate).

  195. “How…How dare you call me a stalker! If you ween’t a demon, do you think I’d even dream of hanging around you, you Devil Welfare King?!”-The Devil Is A Part-Timer book 3

  196. Mr. Brown Can Moo! Can You? Doesn’t have 45 pages.

    Even still, I think it says something completely dark, twisted, and inappropriate about my life…

  197. “They also liked to tell prisoners of war they were going to straight up raped them” from page 45 of The De-Textbook. I never win these games.

  198. “What I tell you in the darkness, speak in the light; and what you hear whispered in your ear, proclaim upon the housetops.”

    I’m batting 1,000 today… There’s also my own journal next to me, but I’m afraid of what would be at the top of page 45. O.o

  199. “Only 49 more to go.” This makes my love life sound much more ambitious than it actually is…

  200. “In fact, I recall a fair amount of initial reluctance on their part–overcome by my successful begging.” for me.

    “This was greeted with good-natured laughter.” for my husband.

  201. My WIP (cause I have no time for anything else 😭):
    The woman’s face paled and her head began to sway to and fro, the word ‘no’ forming on her lips.

    Yeah, sounds aboit right.

  202. Curiously opened the nearest book (Franny and Zooey by JD Salinger) and page 45 is blank. Depressingly accurate.

  203. Apologies if someone has already posted this, but it’s worth noting that the 45-minute mark of the Furiously Happy audiobook says something along the lines of:

    “So it’s bestiality AND necrophilia? And a three-way, I think?”

    I’m DYING!

  204. Curiously opened the nearest book (Franny and Zooey by JD Salinger) and page 45 is blank. Depressingly accurate. Went to the second closest (Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov) and got “But for almost three weeks I had been interrupted in all my pathetic machinations”

  205. “Jan had a child, baby Lisa, but didn’t know who the father was.”
    Honestly, from a book called “The Murder Room,” this is more uplifting than I expected.

  206. Dune: “Duncan, the moral,” Paul said, “and Gurney the valorous”
    I dont know how I feel about this.

  207. My nearest book was an old journal, so I thought this should be interesting… “The elevator kept going up and every time it stopped I worried it was going to open to the orcas again” 😆😆… Then for good measure actually grabbed the nearest book, which was “Almost Somewhere: 28 days on the John Muir trail”: “how old are you?” 😬

  208. “Tell me everything. Leave nothing out.”
    from the mass market paperback of The Outstreched Shadow by Mercedes Lackey & James Mallory

  209. “For that, we thank you,” remarked the priest in a condescending tone.
    ~ Canticle by R.A. Salvatore

  210. From Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi……..”I can trace my nightly tremors back to the time when, in my sophomore year, while studying at a horrible school in Switzerland, I was summoned in the middle of a history lesson with a stern American teacher to the principal’s office. ” huh, that can’t be good 🙂

  211. As for me, I’d come across two people so far, and exactly both of them had wanted nohing to do wit me.- Dorothy Must Die, by Danielle Paige.
    Ahem. Ha ha ha.

  212. “Aunt Petunia found a few moldy blankets in the second room and made up a bed for Dudley on the moth eaten sofa.”

    So accurate, its scary!

  213. “As long as the ties that bind us together are stronger than those that would tear us apart, all will be well”

    Awww….from Just for Today

  214. “She’s still strapped in” says the other one of sergeants people. From The Girl with all the Gifts

    I wish.

  215. No book handy but thanks for the link to The Oatmeal. Lost a couple hours there but saw it’s going to be ok which left me crying. It’s true though – sometimes you need someone to tell you and sometimes you need to be the one telling and I think that is something that you’ve made the point of as well but damn it is easy to forget sometimes.

  216. Postcards by E. Annie Proulx: “Don’t be embarrassed, honey, I hate to say it too. ‘Prosthesis.’ Sounds like a nasty poison snake.

  217. The pain in my head and legs dulls, and becomes distant. – In a Dark Dark Wood by Ruth Ware

  218. “Saying he’ll grow up to be a demon just because his dad became one is like saying a mouse with its tail cut off will give birth to tailless mice”. – Good Omens
    I don’t know what this means for my love life, but I don’t think it’s good.

  219. This medallion graced the dining-room floor of a house of the Roman period (second century AD) uncovered in the excavation on the site of the former Diana Theatre.

    from Alexandria Rediscovered by Jean-Yves Empereur.

    Well, I did once tell my kid that once I get out of South Texas, I hope to do some volunteer work on archaeological digs and that, if I ever get married again, I’d be likely to meet my husband somewhere like that.

  220. This was my new reality, and I had better learn to deal or the tears would never stop flowing. Alice in Zombieland, Gena Showalter

    Hm, this doesn’t bode well.

  221. She took a few steps back and then cut down another corridor.
    from Simple Genius by David Baldacci

  222. Hmm, the nearest book to me was a whole stack of books, of/about Greek mythology. Let’s see if any of them explains my lack of a love life…

    “As seen above, Styx is the first to accept this offer; accompanying her are her children Zelos, Nike, Kratos and Bia.”

    Well, it’s sufficiently ominous, but…too many kids. I don’t think it explains anything. Let’s try the next one…which is actually Volume II of the same book…

    “But against this possibility is the fact that the shield-relief offers no sign of a woman or child, although there is certainly room for them.”

    Closer, but I don’t really feel any wiser on the subject of my love life…

    Let’s try the next book in the stack, a copy of the Iliad.

    “By this time the heralds in the city were bringing the lambs for the sacrifice, and the generous wine in a goatskin.”

    Ominous, but too much wine. Next!

    “The rocks clashed together as it passed, but only the tip of its tail was caught.”

    Um, does that mean I should be glad I don’t have a love life?

    One last book in the stack, a different copy of the Iliad. (Yes, I have two different translations of the Iliad sitting right next to me. And another one in the other room.)

    “There is the heat of Love, the pulsing rush of Longing, the lover’s whisper, irresistible — madness to make the sanest man go mad.”

    That’s definitely talking about someone else’s love life! (Whoever it is, it sounds torrid but not terribly successful. I’m glad it’s not mine.)

    Actually, in retrospect, I think this stack of books in itself is all the explanation I needed…

  223. Without oars you cannot cross in a boat~ Japanese proverb Certainly explains the last four sexless years of my existence. No oars. Huh? Euphemistically speaking this is spot on.

  224. “Decreasing is a method of reducing the number of stitches to narrow a piece if knitting” I’m not quite sure what this means, but I’m sure it is a very deep metaphor.

  225. The shock catapulted him into silence, a second stretched to infinity, as the room held its breath, waiting for the apoplectic shrieking to begin. (A God In Ruins) Sounds about right.

  226. “We were informed that Felipe could never again come to America – unless we got married.” (Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert)
    If you substitute vagina for America, this is dire. (Also, very Catholic.)

  227. If you find something new but want it to look old, you need a technique for distressing.
    Well that seems rather rude!

  228. “She’d never been alone except in her cell, and that didn’t feel like being alone because she knew there were girls in the other cells all around her and the keepers were always present and always checking on her.”

    Vision in Silver – Anne Bishop

    This is a terrible game.

  229. “No hint of any character, or even any info to keep the plot moving.” Sad, but true.

  230. “He had seen it blow smoke when it was upset, but there was never a hint of flame.” Bahhaha!

  231. “Though to be fair, it was less a laugh and more of a cackle.” From Amy Poehler’s Yes Please

  232. But the rooms were all vacant. No sign he’d been here at all. -Mari mancusi, scorched

  233. “Let’s do it!” — Fahrenheit 451.
    That’s surprisingly literal and relevant. I’ll take it.

  234. Since page 45 says “Finally, she put twenty feather quilts on top of the mattresses.” I think that page 42 should be used seeing as 42 is the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything…in which case I get “Once upon a time, in a faraway place, there lived a handsome prince.” Yup, my prince is long gone and was too far away to begin with…sounds about right.

  235. “I suppose every single one of us that comes here, knowing that his work will mean contact with extraterrestrials, thinks that he will be an exception, that he’ll find a way to make friends with at least some of them.”

    That just about sums it up, doesn’t it?

  236. Is there a reason you take the bus? – no idea what this says about my love life but it made me laugh.

  237. “Are you one?”
    (“I don’t think so.”)

    From: Adam Nergal Darski – Confessions of a heretic

    I really do not know what to make of this.

  238. ” ‘Careful, there, boy, don’t drop it.’ ”

    Augusten Bourroghs, ‘A Wolf at the Table’.

  239. We did this on Christmas day. My sister-in-law got a page with a picture of the entire Chicago Blackhawks team. I had a book on dog training. You can imagine the results of that one. We laughed and laughed.

  240. “What are you here for?” from King Me (poetry) by Roger Reeves.

    I have, indeed, been wondering this.

  241. I’m really enjoying this creative time right now where women are speaking about their stories.

  242. Somebody left a book of erotic bookplates outside my house. So basically it’s no words and just a bunch of dicks. Not sure what that says about me.

  243. ” It is tempting to believe that the author’s impersonal reference to the corpses belie some sense of discomfort with his activities.” From STIFF by Mary Roach…who is also 50 kinds of fabulous.

  244. “Do not fight him, and do not think he means to murder you when he takes you in his arms.”

    Really, that is the first full sentence on page 45 of Alice Hoffman’s ‘The Marraige of Opposites’.
    Well, okay, I won’t.

  245. ” I won’t even take it out of the box and what’s the point in receiving something I’ll only have to send back?” Let’s explore diabetes with owls

  246. “Spit it out right now.” from To Kill A Mockingbird (which truly was the book nearest me when I read this post, and which I did promptly upon reading the line.)

  247. “But I’d grown that mustache as soon as I’d been able, and it hadn’t left my lip since.” (The Swan Gondola)

    I’m a single woman.

  248. “Obviously you are making excellent progress.” <– really? doesn’t seem like it…
    “These upper class women were clad in provocative dress, acted with a lack of decorum, and departed radically from the image of modesty that epitomized the traditional roles for wives and widows.” <– hah!

  249. I have a launcher that does a manual install and run of fixxer.exe, which would then spread on its own from there; that is, I use the botnet version of fixxer to install the worm version of fixxer.

    Not sure at all, but I think it’s saying that one of us is a virus. This does not sound unreasonable.

  250. Nick stumbled to his knees and planted both hands on the wet beach, clutching the sand to steady himself. This is from The Child Thief by Brom.His illustrations are wonderful, this is a very different version of Peter Pan.I loved his book Krampus,too.

  251. The tragic irony of cholera is that the disease has a shockingly sensible and low-tech cure: water.

    Um, no. Let’s try that again.

    “One would feel easier about it”, said Sir Kevin, “if the pursuit itself were less … selfish.”

    I don’t think I like this game.

  252. “That’s a death sentence too, in addition to everything else we’re planning to do to him.”
    Neil Gaiman, ‘How the Marquis Got His Coat Back’
    Thanks, Neil, that’s just great.

  253. “Sudoku is dangerous stuff.” That EXACTLY describes my frickin love life. Amazing but true.

  254. “What is this stuff?”
    Tia replied “He doesn’t know. He doesn’t even know what to call these things until he labels them in his sleep.”
    Turbulence, Samit Basu. Eerily correct.

  255. “She opened her mouth to give the Red sister a chance to defend herself at the same instant Nynaeve opened hers, yet Elayne spoke first.”
    ~”The Path of Daggers” by Robert Jordan
    Sounds spicy!!

  256. “A bundle of fur and cloth breaks down our door, and I can see two eyes, brown and reddened at the rims, and I think of the cucumber martini with the chili rim I drank with John the night we decided to split.”
    This is from the short story The Snowstorm, in the book After the Gazebo, by Jen Knox. She just so happens to be my most favorite daughter-in-law!

  257. ” Some cats are special because they were exactly what someone needed at exactly the time they needed it: a soulmate, a companion, a distraction, a friend. ”
    I have to include the next line because it’s so true. “And some cats are just plain crazy.”
    From Dewey’s Nine Lives

  258. “Over time the pressure builds and builds, until the plates slip, releasing huge amounts of energy in the form of earthquakes.” – The 5th Wave, Rick Yancey. **I looked at two others but neither one made any sense. 😉

  259. “Slowly his hands relaxed, and he began to tremble.” – The Fellowship of the Ring. Could be sexy if it wasn’t about Bilbo Baggins.

  260. “Neil went over and kissed his wife hello.” Not really sure how that applies to me, since my husband is Mark.

  261. “Bird shot'” said Black Mabel and collapsed on the tarp draped over the corner that had once contained a fireplace. Meh.

  262. “She asked Brenda instead of one of her siblings because she didn’t want to have to lie about where she would spend the money.” I feel like I should thank Brenda for being there in my time of need, even though I don’t know a Brenda.

  263. ‘She felt the anguish of any mother unable to stop her child’s torment.’ – Oh good god. Now I want to cry.

  264. Couldn’t be more true if I had written it myself. Paper back copy of the Martian. “After all that work and getting blown up, I’m exhausted.”

  265. “Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures, has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation.”

    haha. from The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. hmmmm I dig it.

  266. Platelets usually return to normal shortly after the drug is discontinued.
    Closest book- Merck Veterinary Manual

  267. I work in a major university library. The first book I picked up was in Cyrillic. I have no clue what it says.

    That’s a good explanation of my love life.

  268. OMG – This could NOT be more perfect!
    “I asked myself again, What had I find to deserve this?” (Michael Moore – Here Comes Trouble)

  269. “In elemental form, phosphorus is nasty stuff, particularly the white phosphorus allotrope, discovered in 1669 in Hamburg and responsible in 1943 for helping burn that city to the ground in one of the great firestorms of World War II (magnesium incendiary bombs leveled the buildings; white phosphorus burned the people driven outside).”

    Terrible… I’m just going to give up now.

  270. “In one case his class met in an outdoor ditch that had been turned into an air raid shelter”

  271. “By the end of the day, his gait was almost normal and the questions were coming from him.”
    the enchanted life of adam hope by rhonda riley.

    i don’t know if i should be pleased with myself or embarrassed.

  272. “Life is a series of experiences.” From page 45 of The Mayo Clinic Handbook for Happiness – A 4-Step Plan for Resilient Living. Love is definitely a series of experiences, which I am very happy to go through with my husband!

  273. “It was not merely the extraordinary beauty of the face that had impressed itself on her memory, but the other’s expression: livid, yet strangely exhilarated.” The Cuckoo’s Calling, my nearest book happens to be in on my phone in ibooks 😉

  274. “Of course you can have whiskey. I’d like it if you did”

    Not sure if this is hilarious or terrifying.

  275. Maggie moved in tandem with her uncle: He put the gear into park.

    from an ARC of “Cop Town” by Karin Slaughter

    Ugh, I have to go and vomit now.

  276. “For a fee, the exchange will ‘flash’ information about buy and sell orders for just a few fractions of a second before the information is made publicly available.” From Flash Boys by Michael Lewis.

    That’s just wrong. Except in Amsterdam I think.

  277. “I started to say “No,” but looking at his big friendly smile, I smiled back and said, “I guess I have.” – Where the Red Fern Grows


  278. This is what I get for coming here while at work: “Notice that EQUAL returns NIL if it recursively has to compare an atom to a cons.”
    I’m guessing “Programming in Common LISP” is a rather obtuse source for advice on one’s love life – but that’ not really bad advice.

    The next closest book is a vintage copy of “Structures to Resist the Effects of Accidental Explosions” – I’m guessing it’s best to not go there…

  279. “This fake version of Morris Day is a progenitor of the real Chris Brown, the self-absorbed R&B superstar who assaulted Rihanna in 2009 and was instantly despised by everyone in America (except Rihanna herself who seemed to like him slightly more).” – I Wear the Black Hat, Chuck Klosterman

    Um…this is very much not what I was hoping for.

  280. The book nearest to me? Trigger Warning by Neil Gaiman.

    The sentence? “The man said nothing, only grunted.”

  281. The city of Philadelphia was, for the most part, still living frugally in those days, but Henry designed White Acre as a brazen affront to the very notion of thrift. “The Signature of All Things” Elizabeth Gilbert
    Heaven knows, thrift has been a problem………:-)

  282. Unfortunately the book was my Employment Law textbook: “A number of factors will be considered significant when determining the amount of damages to be imposed on an employer for discriminatory conduct.” Quite a disastrous love life I have.

  283. “The neurotic individual, on the other hand, does not simply experience a temporary inability to cope with specific difficulties…his reaction is consistently inappropriate…” OK!!! Lo!!

  284. “When Michel Callon argues that “to transform something into a commodity, and two agents into a seller and a consumer, it is necessary to cut the ties between the thing and the (…) human beings,” this does not seem to hold on the art market.” But, it was a good deal.

    Olav Velthuis, Talking Prices: Symbolic Meanings of Prices on the Market for Contemporary Art.

  285. “In third person objective, you are restricted to what the character, he or she, sees or hears; nothing interior is allowed.”
    – Storyteller by Kate Wilhelm

  286. “Now look back at all your check-marks, and don’t deny yourself a moment (or longer!) to be proud of what you’ve accomplished ad give yourself the much-deserved credit for all your hard work.” – Whole30 Cookbook by Melissa and Dallas Hartwig

  287. Oh, noes, I have a Kindle and I’m reading a Perry Mason mystery “The Case of the Beautiful Beggar.” How can I tell what’s on page 45, you ask? Well, it’s a crappy PDF-translated-to-mobi and it still has the page numbers on it.

    “That’s right,” Judge Ballinger said, “you answered that with a flat ‘no’ without hesitation a short time ago.

    Oh, that’s sadly accurate given my upcoming divorce to a charming loser-jerk who has lost his charm.

  288. “Talking is something that dysfunctional ___________ (PLURAL NOUN) should never attempt to do, but there are times when it cannot be avoided, such as at family ___________. (NOUN)”

    My nearest book is dysfunctional family madlibs!

  289. “I’m just wondering how this did end up on YouTube.”
    Better go clear my browser history…

  290. “How long she would manage to keep Sea Folk elsewhere – and the accursed mainlanders – from learning that she held these islands, Suroth did not know.”

  291. “Fire Panel and Pull Station Locations Appendix 10″
    :There are two Enunciator Panels that control our fire system”

  292. “Stop it!’
    -Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban..
    The chapter is The Leaky Cauldron. I say this experiment is quite accurate.

  293. “Another practical reason is that few of the long-term studies on which we are forced to rely have good measures of family income.”


  294. “In midautumn that year, when the leaves had turned and the wind had showered them down from the trees like red and gold snow, when evenings were chill and smoke from the chimneys at Faldor’s farm rose straight and blue toward the first cold stars in the purpling sky, Wolf returned.”
    ~Volume One of The Belgariad

    I could take a few possible meanings from this:
    1. Someone I loved and lost will return to me. (seems unlikely)
    2. That I’m drawn toward somewhat creative windbags. (possibly true)
    3. That I will continue my long dry spell at least until the ‘autumn’ of my life. (very likely)
    4. That this exercise is totally meaningless and not worthwhile. (DingDingDing, I think we have a winner!)

  295. I’m at work, and the book nearest me is Unleashing Excellence. In a cruel twist of fate, the page numbers somehow jump from 14 to 47, meaning there is no page 45. Draw your own conclusions about what that means for my love life…

  296. “Ugh who is brooding in here! The air stinks with it.”
    Step Aside Pops, from the glorious Kate Beaton of Hark! A Vagrant fame.

  297. “Hide for a minute – someone’s approaching fast” from Julius Caesar (play plus plain english translation – plain english is on the odd numbered pages)

  298. References to e-mail messages, as to other forms of personal communication (see also 2.12.47, Unpublished material), should be listed parenthetically in the text and should include (1) the name of the person who sent the message, (2) the sender’s email address, and (3) the date the message was sent.

    I’d say it’s about as thrilling as my love-life, so there’s that.

  299. “The threat of nonbeing to man’s ontic self-affirmation is absolute in the threat of death, relative in the threat of fate.”
    The Courage to Be by Paul Tillich
    I think I need some lighter reading material…

  300. “we’ll almost certainly find numbers or letters etched on the surface, even a drug company symbol.”

  301. Closest book is a medical dictionary as I am trying the whole back to school while working and being a single mother, a little stressful truthfully and the first definition on pg 45 is alcoholism : a chronic behavioral disorder manifested by repeated drinking of alcoholic beverages in excess of the dietary and social uses of the community and to an extent that interferes with the drinkers health or his social or economic functioning.

    oh hell
    how did it know
    I need a drink, it’s 5 o’clock somewhere?

  302. ” ‘They consider themselves solar harvesters now – turning sunlight into grass and then into meat and milk, ‘ says Stephanie Rittmann, who wrote her 1994 master’s thesis (University of Wisconsin-Madison) on the swelling movement and how and why it is spreading.”

    Have to admit – this is a great sentence and I’m a little turned on.

  303. At work, so not something I would read for my own entertainment: “The Behavioral Advantage.” Somehow, the sentence still manages to hit the mark:

    “However, as we will see later, they sometimes don’t get it.”

  304. She probably was already angry, before she got in the door, thinking about Elmer.

    Fuck, that just about sums it up.

  305. “Do your parents know you’re here?”

    Rather creepy in this context. Sure hope it isn’t pointing towards some repressed memories or something … 😉

  306. From Microsoft Visual Basic Step by Step: “Now you’ll add a picture box to the form to graphically display the payout you’ll receive when you draw a 7 and hit the jackpot.

    That sounds way better than my love life.

  307. “But though I won ribbons for recitation and could conjugate the most irregular of French verbs, I did not earn the affectionate touch of my stepmother’s hand.” ~Mary: Mrs. A Lincoln

    WTF does that mean?!

  308. Velva Jean Learns to Fly by Jennifer Niven

    “At the end of each day, my feet hurt like I’d been running barefoot through the woods back home”.

    *Note that I had an appointment at the foot clinic just a few short hours ago. BAHH HA. Ha. ha.

  309. “For the next several years there was a nearly complete cessation of archaeological work.”

    Well, that’s not very flattering…

  310. …”perhaps it was because she wasn’t human, but was almost.”

    Well that explains everything!

  311. “This other room was larger and much less crowded than where he had dined.” Not sure what that has to do with my love life or lack of one…but I like the “larger” part…

  312. Having worked with Effective Questions for years, Wagner clearly understood the value of building on successes, not problems. ~ “Be a Trusted Leader” by Ed Oakley.

    Wagner may understand the value, but I’m not sure my husband and I always do. Probably because we haven’t worked with Effective Questions (no idea what that is) for years. Maybe I will read the book and find out. I was hoping for a little self-improvement at work, but maybe this will also help my love life???

  313. Closest: “Droids harvesting spare parts… That rings a bell” – Doctor Who coloring book

    2nd closest: “I’d probably need to have the proposition defined in a little more detail before I would presume to comment” – Marabou Stork Nightmares, Irvine Welsh

  314. I’m reading my book on Kindle. So, do I use location 42? Or 42%? I tried counting 42 pages and then realized if I change the font size, the sentence would be different. So I gave up.

  315. “Terrified.”

    From The Historian by Elizabeth Kostova

    I actually haven’t read it yet.

  316. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe- “One has only to look at her and talk to her to see that she is not mad.”

    Now I’m crying ;_;

  317. “Here is the truth: Sometimes life is complicated.”

    Yup. That would sum up my love life for sure!

  318. Someone sent me not one but 2 books. I don’t know who to thank, but 🙂 About page 45 of closest book: it’s a sketch book. It’s a blank page.

  319. “Oh, I couldn’t sleep for the worry.”

    Page 45 of SIn City: The Hard Goodbye.

    No idea what that means, but it seems vaguely appropriate.

  320. “A gas stove. How, exactly do you turn on a gas stove? And what happens if you do it wrong? The Readers of Broken Wheel Recommend by Katarina Bivald

  321. “We had the Scots tied to our tails for good.”
    Oh my.
    Josephine Tey, The Daughter of Time

  322. “My friends, we have had quite enough of talk: The battle is upon us, let us go.”

    From The Empire Striketh Back.

    An earily appropriate quote.

  323. “Bosch looked at the property report that was taped to the inside of the box’s top.” Wow – that seems even more boring that I thought my love life was…

  324. “The mall was far busier than it had been during her visit the day before.” From The Winner, David Baldacci
    I do appreciate a retail lover more than a literal lover…

  325. “Find arccos (12/13) for a first-quadrant angle.” – An old college mathematics text..
    Shit, I don’t remember how to do that crap anymore.
    Yep, I guess it’s accurate! Let me check the back of the book anyway though…

  326. “Projects have not been properly considered or adequately addressed.” -The Cost of Living

  327. “For example, a man with leprosy came to Jesus and said: ‘If you just want to, you can make me clean.'” – from a Bible study book I had lying around

  328. “Hey! Hide if you have to, but by thunder, stop nibbling!” ~ “Dr. Seuss and Co. Go to War” by Andre Schiffrin

    Yep. Sounds about right…

  329. from To Kill a Mockingbird –
    “Spit it out right now!”
    (can’t stop laughing…)

  330. “But the whip line promptly snapped and there went the we-only-had-one-of-those-you’re-in-big-trouble-now gauge into the sea.”

    Hmm something about a whip? Nothing so interesting happening around here unfortunately…

  331. Oh, and mine (468) was from “Don’t Tell Mum I Work on the Rigs: She thinks I’m a piano player in a whorehouse.”
    Also no pianos or whorehouses around here. I either need another book, or another husband.

  332. “A round pie with a firm jelly which fits comfortably into the pocket, was the huntsman’s midday snack when in pursuit of the fox.”

    That could go so many ways.

  333. I ate it with a spoon, chewing the wax like gum, letting the honey flow into my mouth, sweet and sticky with an aftertaste of wild flowers. -The Ocean at the End of the Lane (holy crap that was sensual!)

  334. “DMing Notes: Hyraksos is not likely to interact with the characters until they are at name level and mingling with Karameikos society.”
    – Gazetteer, The Grand Duchy of Karameikos.
    Not, strictly speaking, a book, but lol.

  335. “Feel free to position your gadgets anywhere you’d like them.” I’m not that kind of girl, I do not have gadgets, but maybe it’s time to get some.

  336. I have an old PhotoShop textbook at my desk at work. The first two sentences are too technical to be relevant but the third paragraph, ah there’s the humor!
    “At this point you can click OK to accept the predefined settings or proceed with step 3 to choose custom settings.”

  337. (Now the dilemma is do I share this one with my husband? LOL…talk about custom settings!)

  338. “Microscopes are essential for studying microorganisms.” Brock Biology of Microorganisms, 13th edition. Perhaps stating the obvious? I am really good at taking difficult concepts and making them understandable…

  339. “Landon gets into a bar fight with some of the scar triad.”

    This is actually impressive since the nearest book to me is the Fate Core System guide book (basically, the how-to a super easier version of Dungeons and Dragons). So that means I narrowly avoided “Once you have mapped out your character’s phases and chosen aspects, it’s time to pick skills”, or “Once everyone’s done with phase two, you’ll trade adventures with whatever method you chose before, so long as everyone has an adventure that isn’t theirs or the one they just contributed to.”

    So hot right now.

  340. “Perform the detailed steps to complete the activity”
    …’nuff said.

  341. Lawrence Kohlberg suggested
    a. a single level of morality.
    b. two levels of morality.
    c. three levels of morality.
    d. preoperational thought as the basis for all morality.

    From Encyclopedia of Counseling: Master Review and Tutorial for the National Counselor Examination, State Counseling Exams, and the Counselor Preparation Comprehensive Examination (Third Edition)

    So… My love life is a series of headache-inducing multiple choice questions that results in a super expensive piece of paper which gives me the legal ability to conduct psychotherapy?

  342. “Geez, who gives a damn what a …..what?” (from Falling in Love with Hominids by Nalo Hopkinson) and, alas, all too accurate.

  343. When winter settles in, it tucks us away indoors with time on our hands and the itch to make the most of it. (from Mary Engelbreit’s Winter). Apropos, I think.

  344. “NO-training is done by and large with tone of voice.”
    -Dog Training in 10 Minutes a Day, Carol Lea Benjamin
    (although it’s worth noting that this advice resonates with What Shamu Taught me About Life, Love and Marriage – so same difference.)

  345. Holy waste-of-time…since it’s just going to look like a smashed up Oreo once I eat it anyway.

  346. “I never asked where we got them, but some of them looked a lot like the ones people left at the graveyard.” From Rick Bragg’s “All Over But the Shoutin'” Yeah, that’s about right….

  347. Well, considering i’m at work and the only books I have are medical/anatomy atlases….. “Inspection of the Oral Cavity” LOL

  348. ‘We had undergone an experience which my bunkie, The Rebel, termed “an interesting incident in his checkered career” but which not even he would have cared to repeat.’ Okay…

  349. “Imagine dainty Cinderella, red-faced, puffing and perspiring, as she tried to shove a glass Hush-Puppy on her Prince’s foot, to see if it fitted him.”

    Ooh, I’m intrigued – but will probably be let down when this is put into context.

  350. Just tried it.

    The first sentence mentioned Stalin and a whip – positively uncanny.

  351. (From Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell:) “Welcome to FanFixx.net – where the story never ends.”
    Yep, that about sums up my current love life.

  352. “The human body generates stress hormones(adrenaline and testosterone) in response to excessive heat; hormonal activity has been linked to aggression” (Criminology text book)

    Huh…. my love life is a crime???

  353. First full sentence on page 45: “So, I got through to the clinic at 9 a.m.” Lordy, I hope that’s not about my love life – oh yeah, and it’s from my own journal. Funny.

  354. “Alas, if worth be based on beauty, Snow White has surpassed you, cutie.”

    I might want to move Politically Correct Bedtime Stories further away from me.

  355. “And so it was settled.”

    I’ve been married nearly 20 years and have two school-aged children. I’d say “settled” pretty much nails it.

  356. I work in a rare book library. All the books near me today are in Cherokee and are a complete mystery. Seems accurate.

  357. “The whole block would clear out just to run home and watch him” Steve Harvey’s Act Like a Success Think Like a Success

  358. “She’s still strapped in”, says the other one of Sergeant’s people.
    (The Girl With All The Gifts)

  359. “He plucked off his hat” … aaand … it wasn’t for me.

  360. Especially since she’d been pretty direct in telling me she’d rather see me with Joe than with Mason.
    -Thirty-Three and a Half Shenanigans by Denise Grover Swank
    Yeah, not sure where to go with this one.

  361. “It was sort of a minor drawing room, if you know what I mean, and it gave the impression of being overfurnished.”

    My drawing room is just fine, thank you very much.

  362. It is not at all easy to explain in words how one can make intelligible thought-shapes

  363. “This questioning process helps because, as you can see from my answers, regardless of our willingness to do vulnerability, it does us.” That’s oddly romantic…and totally encouraging…

    Or I could use the book’s title…Daring Greatly. That sounds like fun.

  364. ‘The whole thing is a mystery to me.’ (‘The Hyde Park Headsman’ by Anne Perry) Yep, that pretty much describes my life right now. I don’t know if I’m up, down, or sideways most of the time.

  365. I have a book filled house, but all of the books near my desk are genealogy related, so I don’t have great hope for my love life. Nearest book was a self-published book written by a family member… 1st line on page 45 was “April 4, 1980” (the birth date of a distant cousin.)

  366. “News style specifies that yes and no should be offset with commas.” — June Casagrande, The best punctuation book, period.

  367. “Polyamorous communities exist online and in person, as well as overlapping with several other communities of nonconformists.”

  368. Then toward the end of the campaign, when it looked like Bush had a good chance of winning, Lay quickly made another donation of $12,500.

    So… I’m doomed to a loveless existence because Lay is against me… but it’s just as well because if he weren’t then another Bush would be elected to office. Either way, my love life is a political catastrophe. That sounds pretty accurate, really.

  369. “Morgan made this point in Ancient Society, writing, ‘This picture of savage life need not revolt the mind, because to them it was a form of marriage relation, and therefore devoid of impropriety.'” pg 45, Sex at Dawn

  370. Be sure to do it subtly. Try, “If you happen to be passing by a liquor store . . . ”
    From Eat Your Feelings: Recipes for self-loathing by Heather Whaley

  371. “Because archival records can be complex physical and chemical objects having different handling and storage needs, an archivist’s primary responsibility is to become acquainted with the increasingly wide range of record materials, both historical and contemporary.” – Preserving Archives & Manuscripts, 2nd Edition

    What? I’m at work.

  372. “The Royal Crown Sinnet is the product of Crown Knots and Wall Knots stacked up on top of one another”

    Hmmmm, interracial knot orgy?

  373. “2) Action to be taken once you’ve identified an illness in your coop:”
    I believe this exactly sums up my recent love life…..

  374. “Common to any wood-framed structure are the accessory connector items such as screws, nails, adhesives, hangers, connector plates, straps, angles, and hold-downs.” Um… that’s honestly more planning than I usually put into it.

  375. High-yield general principles: there comes a time when for every addition of knowledge you forget something that you knew before.
    First Aid for the USMLE Step1