Pick up the book nearest you…

Someone just sent me this:

page45

So I decided to test it with my books.

The first full sentence of page 45 of the advance copy of Furiously Happy:

“It was like the Jesus-beach-footprint-in-the-sand poem, except with less Jesus and more bleeding.”

Huh.

Trying again with the final version of Furiously Happy:

“It wasn’t enough blood to be worrisome.”

So that’s…not much better.

Okay.  Let’s try the paperback of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened:

page 45 bloggess

Yeah.  I think we’re done here.

Your turn.

*******

And now, the weekly wrap-up:

bloggess sid

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit-you-may-or-may-not-want-to-see:

This week’s wrap-up is brought to you by You Made Me a Mother, a super cute picture book about motherhood. It looks innocent at first, but you start reading it to your kid and suddenly you’re draining your eyeholes of tears and your kid is asking you what the hell you’re crying about. The book came about because of a viral video and Harper Collins was quick to pen a deal with the writer, Laurenne Sala, and Robin Preiss Glasser, the illustrator behind the NYT Best-selling Fancy Nancy series and their adorable picture book that hits shelves March 8th. If you want to watch anyone weep immediately, this is the present for them. Works on all kinds of moms, especially moms having baby showers, moms whose kids are going to college, moms with taxidermy collections, moms who never have a hair out of place, and moms who strictly wear holey yoga pants. Probably not for moms who totally hate their kids. Pre-order at YouMadeMeAMother.com

541 thoughts on “Pick up the book nearest you…

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Looks like what drives me crazy don’t have no effect on you– but I’m gonna keep on at it till it drives you crazy, too.

    Selected Poems of Langston Hughes

  2. Respect for husbands is an unfamiliar idea for many wives, but there certainly are reasons for their attitude.

    Cant say that describes my love life, I have great respect for my husband.

    I think I like your books better!!

  3. Place the thumb of the right hand on the V-groove label and place the index and middle fingers on the front of the base. – The Complete Guide To Basic Mat Cutting

    thinking very dirty thoughts here

  4. “What are you waiting for?” Louis asked him.

    From a book i grabbed for my son at the library – ‘George Brown, class clown It’s a Bird, It’s a Plane, It’s Toiletman!

    hmmm. i’m sensing a different trend here – i think the nearest book TITLE describes your marriage?????

  5. “Next Round: Knit 1 (2, 1), *k1, k2tog; repeat from * around — 15 (18, 19) sts.”
    Geek Knits by Joan of Dark & Kyle Cassidy
    (which btw is HUGO AWARD ELIGIBLE – vote, y’all!)

    I mean… I guess it could be a seen as a metaphor for the comfortable monotony of long-term relationships…?

  6. “Upon hatching, the entire complement of tadpoles is carried by the male.” I have no idea what to do with that.

  7. …a stick if she needed to escape, OE to use the dense balls to knock the guards unconscious. Exhausted, she returned to her bedroom and finally hoisted herself on the enormous bed.

  8. “Yahweh left then; I don’t know if he went into the city or back up into the sky or what, the Bible doesn’t say, but it does say that Abraham turned around and went home.” ~The Holy Bible: Best God Damned Version (The Books of Moses)

    That does kind of sum it up.

  9. Greg read each item on his list and asked himself,”So, what do I want?”
    Oh, Greg. You’re killing me.

  10. “At the studios, she and the other extras changed into short-sleeved school blouses, white socks, gym shoes and the shorts that the film-makers worked into the curriculum at every opportunity.”

    Um. My love life is in porn? (It’s a biography of Vivien Leigh)

  11. “At first I think we’re the shadow, but then I see illuminated statues of Frank and Jesse James in their secret hideout below.” Leisure Time by Michael Zadoorian

  12. So you’re saying that all these books are just laying around, full of pages that explain our love lives, while I’ve been stuffing my face daily at The Asian Buffet just to get that fortune cookie at the end for nothing?!

  13. “He was also very seriously irreverent and he really did not have any patience for pomposity or pretension.” PERFECTION. (Page 45 of a Grateful Dead coffee table book, opening on Lhil Lesh.) ❤️

  14. Honest to God (!) in “This Explains Everything” by John Brockman: “Sex is not entirely a pastime of mutual pleasure between consenting adults.” I think my love life is well summed up by just the first half of the sentence….”Sex is not entirely a pastime.”

  15. “She was never seen again,” Galen said as he slid the sword into his belt.

    Either I am not doing this right or it is a commentary on loss of self after having children. Either way, I need to reevaluate what I am reading to my 5 year old…. because it is his book. >.<

  16. “The man in Jersey said: ‘Your luck, some broad’s pickin’ us up on her electric dildo.’ ” (Skin Tight by Carl Hiaasen). This is the book that should have been next to me, but I left it in the kitchen. The one actually nearest to me said, “The major spoke to an orderly who went out of sight in the back and came back with a metal basin of cold cooked macaroni.” (A Farewell to Arms by some dude called Hemingway who couldn’t be bothered to have his first name on the front cover. 😉 Cold macaroni, huh? Hmmm.

  17. My book was the nearest to me…”Tell me everything you know!” Was the sentence. Well. Strangely appropriate.
    😏

  18. Well the closest book was Let’s Pretend This Never Happened. So I went with the second closest….”Potash has been used for millennia for making everything from soap and glass to fertilizer and bleach.”

    Yeah, that about sums it up.

  19. ‘”Not a hope darling,” panted Prince Charles.’ [The Queen and I – Sue Townsend]

    Well I’m not sure what to say about that…

  20. “A picture so ludicrous entered her mind that she chuckled out loud.” Tennessee Williams Collected Stories
    Yep, sounds about right.

  21. “From Fatalism to Hope” pg 45 is apparently a chapter title page in Henri Nouwen’s Turn My Mourning into Dancing and it is incredibly fitting. But also possibly depressing since all my love life ever seems to be is hope…

  22. “Why don’t you check your system again?” she said through gritted teeth.
    Yikes. Gritted teeth, though. Unfortunately that part does fit.

  23. Unfortunately, the nearest book to me is a coding manual. So apparently my love life is:

    protected void CreateStaticMenu() {

    which is… worrying.

  24. “I don’t think so,” said Richard, coldly, and he walked out of the office, leaving his briefcase behind him. — From Gaiman’s Neverwhere.

    I really wish this didn’t resemble my love life in any way. O.o

  25. Re #28 Integratedexpat – you must have the hardcover of “Skin Tight.” The paperback’s first line on page 45 (and I swear I read it before I read these comments): “Christina couldn’t be sure, but she thought she saw a hungry spark in the eyes of Reynaldo Flemm.”

  26. “Jeez. I think I’ll get Jane a skirt-length of tartan instead.” Dragonfly in Amber (2nd Outlander book). Rather tame, considering the books. 😉

  27. The nearest book is a guide to Japanese kanji characters. The top of p.45 is the character for “hard, difficult, bitter.”

  28. the blank page before the next chapter . . . well, yeah, I guess that does describe it perfectly. How uncany, how do They know these things?

  29. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets. “Clutching his broken glasses to his face he stared around.’

    Also I just want to quickly say Thank You to Gray for sending me a copy of Furiously Happy! I sent a thank-you via Amazon but also wanna say it here. 💚❤️💜

  30. I am surrounded by books about medical coding and electronic health records. They will make no sense, which makes perfect sense.

  31. I only had a French-English dictionary, but the first entry on page 45 was, remarkably, chef-d’oeuvre: masterpiece.

  32. “Straight lines in curved space time look curved to us for precisely the same reason that lines of longitude on the surface of the Earth look curved to us; the space upon which the straight lines are defined is curved.” -Human Universe, Prof. Brian Cox & Andrew Cohen

  33. “He woke up late next morning after a disturbed sleep. ”

    Huh. Welp. Uhhhhh. My poor husband????

  34. “With or without papers… Many people recommend that prospective goat buyers see the goat being milked, or better yet, milk her themselves”… Uhhhh ok? (Storeys guide to raising dairy goats). That’s kind of awkward!

  35. “Laira watched as the man before her stripped off her clothes.”

    Mated by Gwendolyn Cease (that’s me)

    And that’s a pretty good sentence if I say so myself. LOL

  36. From Unspoken, “I feel that I shall stand henceforth in thy shadow.”
    Well, that seems a little depressing.

  37. I think I have the winner! This is from the Reader’s Digest Fix-it-Yourself Manual: There are several reasons for draining the plumbing system.

  38. “Ethics,” he sneered. “I couldn’t name one man, rich or poor, who wouldn’t discard them for the right price.”
    Dreaming of You by Lisa Kleypas

    Timely with Trump seemingly everywhere these days.

  39. “I didn’t realize just how stuck Ronaldo was, until a few summers ago when my wife and I spent several days trying to clean out his gutter.”
    -Ronaldo, by Andrew D. Cohen in the Spring 2015 Missouri Review.

    I’m going to be wondering about that for the rest of the day, thank you.

  40. “People often referred to us as The Beginner’s Press, but that was most definitely not our name; good Lord, no”

    I’m not sure what to make of that…

  41. “When my best friend Jamie finally broke up with her evil boyfriend who had the personality of a raw potato, I considered it a hallowed day.” — The Idiot Girls’ Action-Adventure Club, by Laurie Notaro. I have no idea what that says about my love life… doesn’t sound good, though. (But it was my hubby who gave me the book, so..?)

  42. “I suppose it’s possible that, giddy in her liberation, Ada decided to go see the Iffley oak.” Well that’s spot on! (Gregory Maguire’s “After Alice”)

  43. “If only I had been able to meet her, if just once.” Uh, so…I’m gay and didn’t know it because I missed meeting my true love? Thank you, Brandon Sanderson (Elantris), for the enlightenment.

  44. “Ask students to apply a newly mastered skill in a more challenging situation.” -Teach Like a Champion: Field Guide by Doug Lemov

    LOL! So…does this mean I need to start up a Bull Durham style education harem? I dunno if I got enough Susan Sarandon in me to pull that off 😉

  45. “CHOKER – this hunched-over wretch has long, pliable arm like tentacles capped with five wide, spiny claws.” Pathfinder Bestiary
    Hmmm….

  46. “Altogether, the Old Bailey, at that date, was a choice illustration of the precept, that “Whatever is, is right”; an aphorism that would be as final as it is lazy, did not include the troublesome consequence, that nothing that ever was, was wrong.” A tale of two cities
    I don’t even know what that means. Lol

  47. “We call on it to explain our experiences and put them in order”

    So, yeah. A chapter about the neuroscience of trauma.

  48. “We’ve got to take cotton quick before the land dies.” -The Grapes of Wrath

    Nope, yeah, that definitely makes sense. I think it’s actually a suggestion for the argument I can make when I steal my husband’s t-shirts to wear to bed and he’s all “stop taking my clean clothes! You have your own t-shirts.”

    “No babe, I’m doing it for climate change. It’s the only way to save the earth.”

  49. “Packing all of your belongings into a U-Haul and then transporting them across several states is nearly as stressful and futile as trying to run away from lava in swim fins.” Hyperbole and a Half by Allie Brosh

  50. First closest book was Furiously Happy.

    Next closest book, The Insomnia Solution: “This was a very fertile time for me.” Ummmmm, ok?

  51. “When the affair finally ended, Maud decided to quell any rumors that had surfaced about her character and get married.” – Petticoats, Patriots, and Partition by Shannon Haire

    Umm.. that really doesn’t sound like me.

  52. “…know that grasping at this hope is a source of misery that makes a short-term pleasure a long-term hell.” – From Pema Chodron’s “When Things Fall Apart: Heart Advice for Difficult Times”

    This sentence actually starts at the bottom of page 44. In its entirety it reads:

    “We’ve done it so many times that we know that grasping at this hope is a source of misery that makes a short-term pleasure a long-term hell.”

    Either way… it’s still pretty fuckin’ legit.

  53. “Hang on,” blurted Harry. “What about my punishment?”…Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban. 8^O

  54. “And when he hugged me I felt a little weird because it felt like a stranger was hugging me.” Page 45 of Bream gives me hiccups by Jesse Eisenberg. No comment necessary.

  55. “Shipping protection for heavy-duty machinery, large parts and bulky items.” -U-Line Catalog

    Promising, considering I’m at work and this is the only book here besides the tax codes.

  56. Midway through the concert, he grew giddy, at both the advisory of the band and the crammedness of the space, and began inexpertly missing with JB, the two of them springing off their neighbors and bystanders until everyone was crashing into one another, but cheerfully, like a bunch of tipsy toddlers.
    – A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara

  57. “Vogon poetry is, of course, the third worse in the universe”
    -Hitchhiker’s Guide

    Is this saying that I am a Vogon poem and that nobody wants me?

  58. “The diagram is a representation of the isometric axes, each labeled to indicate relative position and direction.”– WT-fiddy-F??!!!

  59. “What is it, Mom?”
    From Welcome to Night Vale.
    That DEFINITELY does not describe my love life D:

    Therapists are human, just like everyone else.
    From When Panic Attacks by David D. Burns, MD
    I don’t think that one is terribly well suited either…. I mean really, I’m definitely not human three-fourths the time (and certainly never before my coffee), so why should I believe that everyone else is?

  60. The first book I picked up had a blank page where 45 was…which I think is pretty accurate in regard to my love life. I tried again: “Given how much they’ve invested in protecting whatever’s going on down there, I’d say they believe thy’re way ahead of anyone else.” –The Mask, by Taylor Stevens. I think it makes me sound like a prostitute and I’m okay with that.

  61. Mine is pretty disturbing….!!
    “You’d have to be deaf not to hear those stupid girls, moaning and groaning and squealing like boiled kittens….”
    A Tale for the Time Being by Ruth Ozeki.

  62. “He would show them!” – S is for Space, Pillar of Fire – by Ray Bradbury.
    What?! That makes no sense!
    Oh, yeah..right. Got it now. Slow on the uptake.

  63. “You make a lot more sense now,” Stoke said.

    I suppose I do now that I have a healthy relationship.

  64. Marion Lake, Kings Count Park, California C 1925

    (From the works of Ansel Adams – its just a book of photos and location titles)

  65. “The scrape of wood on rock jerked my eyes to a surface demon, it’s gaunt shadow rising up black against the still-darkening horizon.” I’d say the majority of my relationships have been with surface demons.

  66. The nearest book is a Vietnamese Banh Mi cookbook, and page 45 is a picture of a delicious chicken salad baguette…may actually be accurate.

  67. “They had a picture that’d shoot a few steroids into their saggy-ass circulation, and they fucking used it.” Stephen King, Mr. Mercedes. Well then. I wish I’d been reading something a bit more highbrow, cuz this sounds like my lovelife is based on weird porn.

  68. “Not enough blood to be worrisome” is the most perfect description of a successful relationship I can think of. But the nearest book to me is a Junie B Jones; she smiled at us with big white teeth. This also works.

  69. “Load the cart, Will Henry,” the doctor directed me,as he, with a firm handbook the old man’s elbow, guided- or forced- Erasmus toward the basement steps.”. The Monstrumologist by Rick Yancy

    This implies I participate in some very interesting activities.

  70. The fFN screening test detects a protein in the vagina only present of there has been a separation in the amniotic sac from the uterine wall.

    (WIN. MINE SAYS VAGINA)

  71. “You make a lot more sense now,” Stoke said. (from Alterra by Zackary Bonelli)

    Incredibly accurate since I am now in a healthy and happy relationship. Ten years ago that wasn’t true.

  72. “Hang on,” blurted Harry. “What about my punishment?” -Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

  73. “It’s embarrassing to pick your life partner according to what television shows he watched as a child, but in a way that’s exactly what I did” (first line on page 45 of “We Need to Talk About Kevin.” Not really relevant to me; my boyfriend never watched Nicktoons growing up, and Nicktoons were my life.

  74. Sometimes she wispered the word “Mama” and saw the face of her mother a hundred times in just one afternoon. – Ehh, no! Well, I didn’t expect The Book Thief to explain any part of my love life, to be fair.

  75. “You are… you are…” the merchant tried to control himself. “You have nothing… You are nothing”
    Star Wars – The Force Awakens

    Now that’s encouraging… Hurray for the single life! (Please note the sarcasm)

  76. “Your hands are bound, and your feet are hobbled, and you’re leashed to a stake in the ground.” – The Golem and the Jinni

    Fortunately, couldn’t be further from the truth!

  77. Book:
    The Sandman Vol. 10
    The Wake
    By Neil Gaiman

    (Yes. This was my closest book.)

    First sentence on page 45:
    “When I first met him… He was the most gallant of lovers.”

    Damn.

  78. “forgive me!” he said.
    hahahaha – no, I need more – hahahahahahaha .. how true (The Lie Tree, Frances Hardinge)

  79. From “Supporting Windows 8.1 Exam Ref 70-688”:
    “With the package created, you are now ready for deployment”.

    Sounds kinda kinky. Related: I flunked this exam yesterday. 😐

  80. “What Bertie needed was a good friend, somebody who thought the same way as he did, and who was neither selfish, like Tofu, nor bossy, like Olive.” Yup, Alexander McCall Smith definitely explains my lack of love life.

  81. “They say that a leopard cannot change his spots; neither, perhaps, can a gunman scrub his clothing hard enough to wash away the red.”
    Welp.

  82. “I didn’t succeed in ignoring the sensations that were coming from my arm, but I tried awfully hard.”

    ….. arm?

  83. My entire bookshelf was closest to me, but the one on top of the pile:
    “warming, drying, and otherwise altering their habits” The View From Lazy Point by Carl Safina
    Next book down in the pile: page 45 is the start of a chapter entitled: Sex, Pregnancy and Making Babies, first line reads “Many of nature’s wildest behaviours concern matters of sex and reproduction.” – Genetics in the Wild – John C. Avise

    Hmmm…there seems to be a theme about altered behaviours here….

  84. “That seems to be a risky plan, because Jon might adopt the beliefs of those around him and conclude that he is in fact not worthy of unconditional love.”

    From Your Soul’s Plan, peeking in on the soul’s planning meeting of Jon to determine if he planned to contract AIDS during his lifetime (yes), and how doing so could produce soul growth (read the book – it’s amazingly enlightening).

    The only way this relates to my love life is that I planned to meet my husband before I was born, and we shared a mutual agreement that our relationship would support our mutual soul’s growth; and so far, it has.

  85. “Preparing your kitchen for healthy foods requires proper tools”. I’m just going to assume this in a euphemism?

  86. “ABJURE, RENOUNCE, FORSWEAR, RECANT, RETRACT mean to withdraw one’s word or professed belief.” I had a feeling the dictionary on my desk would provide some good material for this.

  87. “It’s so effective that I now rely on it almost exclusively when I need to get myself to do something important.”
    Hyperbole and a half, UK paperback.

  88. I’ve broken with tradition on some points. (Neil Gaiman – Trigger Points)

    Yep, That seems to speak for him, maybe less so for me, but I can work with it.

  89. Spot on:
    “A severe attack usually left the victim completely drained, and often with the lungs still dangerously twitchy.”
    ~Diana Gabaldon, MOBY (aka In My Own Heart’s Blood)

  90. “Adventurers are extraordinary people, driven by a thirst for excitement into a life that others would never dare lead.” –D&D Player’s Handbook, 5th ed

    Oooh…I can’t wait!

  91. “I’ve seen a positive benefit from every negative thing that has happened in my life, including every injury” – Ronda Rousey

  92. “Chatterton collected his gear from the rear deck and began to suit up while Nagle attempted to hook the wreck.” – from Shadowdivers by Robert Kurson. My love life sounds… interesting?

    Or perhaps “What are you holding in your hands?” from the Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up – which leaves me with even more concerns.

  93. Bahaha: “The ability to determine the superiority of an individual rooster by the quality or rate of his crow allows dominant males to identify other dominant adversaries, while subordinate roosters are able to maintain a ‘respectable’ distance in order to avoid attacks.” Chicken, by Annie Potts

  94. “He laughed aloud, a fine bass laugh through which his eyes gleamed merrily and with infinite shrewdness.” – The Wind’s Twelve Quarters

  95. If you can believe this, the book I picked up has NO PAGE NUMBERS. So I manually counted to 45 and got this:

    “Unable to bring myself to part with it, I would try the item on repeatedly, standing in front of the mirror, but in the end, would be forced conclude that it just didn’t suit me.” – From The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up

    Yeah, that about sums it up.

  96. Ummmmm:
    “A radish-eyed old geezer in hiking books [sic] walked by, pushing a grocery cart. He saw the two of them looking into the cooler and piped, “You catch some fish?”

    I love me a hot geezers in hiking books. Doesn’t everybody?

  97. As God is my witness: “‘A true benefactor,’ said the face at the hole.”

    Then I tried Jane Eyre: Nonsense! But you are rather put upon, that’s certain.

  98. I put out a hand impulsively to touch him, take his arm, but he drew away and stood back, watching impassively as Bobby nailed down the lid.

    I guess this could be taken as suggesting a voyeuristic threesome of some sort. Unfortunately the preceding partial sentence is “the shroud gently up over his wife’s cold face.” Ick

  99. (From me: this is from The Rocky Mountain Mushroom Book, which is actually a booklet, but it was the closest.) “Head 1/2 to 1 1/2″ wide and 1 1/4 to 2″ high, green and wrinkled; covered with olive-green slime…” (This is me again: this is regarding the Phallus impudicus mushroom, aka Stinkhorn; there is also an interesting picture included. I may have included too many words, or not enough; I was laughing too hard to count.)

  100. “We went into the bedrooms.” — The Lady in the Lake, by Raymond Chandler

    Because one bedroom is boring.

  101. He was seated in isolated splendor amid the heavy victorian furnishings in Miss Thelma’s front room. -The Cove, Catherine Coulter

  102. My book (Naked by Saps Sedaris) is mid-sentence, and that sentence reads, “I watched as he picked it up and leafed through the first few pages before raising his head to search the parking lot, combing the area as if he might spot either a surveillance camera or, preferably, a vanload of naked singers pressing their bare breasts against the window and inviting him to join the fun.”

  103. “What’s more, thankfully, I did not resemble him in any way.” from The Valley of Amazement by Amy Tan.

  104. “I always wonder if I would have done any of those if Mom and Dad had still been alive.”
    from ‘God, No’ by Penn Jillette.

    Finally. The clue.

  105. Endolye: “I see,” it said, wiping its forehead with one of its arms, and placing two others where its hips would be, if it had any, which it didn’t, “and why are you doing that?”

    Hmmmm, yeah, maybe so. This is page 45 on my computer, since the book isn’t in print – but I’m assuming it still counts?

  106. In Pete’s opinion, kids who wanted a little mental health vacation from their parents also won.

    Finders Keepers – Stephen King

  107. Music book, Down to the River to Pray page 45 first line, “As I went down to the river to pray, studyin’ about that good ol’ way and who shall wear the robe and crown. Good Lord, show me the way.”

  108. “In addition to the physical value of things, there are three other factors that add value to our belongings: function, information, and emotional attachment.”

  109. ‘The noise will wake everyone.’

    (This is hilarious for too many reasons…)

    (From page 45 of The House At The End Of Hope Street by Menna Van Praag.)

  110. “Use TWEEN ANGST whenever Barry experienced this state, as described by himself or his mother, during his sixth through eighth grade school years.”

    The Coding Manual for Qualitative Researchers (2nd ed.) – Johnny Saldana

  111. “This will help prevent you from feeling a loss of identity.”
    Page 45, from: Promoting Recovery from First Episode Psychosis. A Guide for Families.

  112. OK, so I am visiting at a friend’s house and the nearest book is an architectural and building trades dictionary, with a bookmark on page 45…
    BOX COLUMN: A type of built up hollow column used in porch construction; it is usually square in form.
    Not even gonna go there… Also, who could eat such a cookie?

  113. Hook a weight belt to your left ankle and harness it to a weight machine.
    My DH’s book laying on the coffee table: “Cycling Endurance and Speed” by Michael Shermer
    Does this mean one of us is “shackled?”

  114. “God’s ways are not man’s ways, God’s reasons not man’s reasons, so when God told Charles Guiteau to shoot the president, Charles Guiteau agreed.”. The Tale of Dueling Neurosurgeons by Sam Kean.

  115. “By their third day, Isabelle was numb with exhaustion.” (I feel I need to explain that this is from The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah…a book about women WWII)

  116. “She hoped that people couldn’t hear her teeth grinding.” Yep. Pretty much sums it up.

  117. I’m not even kidding, the book closest to me was a book about pilates and the first sentence on page 45 says, “Initiate the movement from the pelvis, not the shoulders.” WELL DUH.

  118. So…there were two books close by. The first line of its 45th page says:

    “Do not fear the ghosts in this house; they are the least of your worries.”

    The second:

    “Some anthropologists also began taking ethnographic photographs, and by the 1890s some began shooting documentary films or recording speech, songs, and music of these so-called vanishing peoples.”

    I’m not sure which is better/worse.

  119. well, the closest book is “let’s Pretend This Never Happened” – (currently about to start page 265) but since THAT one’s been done . . . the second closest book says:
    “Here are some general thoughts to keep in mind when you are approaching treatment of a resistant pathogen” –Herbal Antiobiotics Natural Alternantives For Treating Drur-Resistant Bacteria
    the third closest book is about dog cancer, soooo . . . can i just go swoop one offa the bookshelf ?

  120. “Evelyn opened her purse and gave Mrs. Threadgoode one of the pimento cheese sandwiches she had wrapped in waxed paper and brought from home.”

    Huh.

  121. “‘Listen, I don’t want to pry,’Quentin said, ‘but I’m assuming you have some secret magical way of dealing with the negative health effects of all those cigarettes.'”-The Magicians, Lev Grossman. No cigarettes or magic here, but there were several other books on the table.
    This one worked better.
    “Bobby apparently wasn’t the dodgeball winner often, because when they congratulated him, he didn’t seem to know how to respond.”- Games Creatures Play
    Yep, sounds about right.

  122. Oh, and it would make a bit more sense, I suppose, if I told you what they were! The first was the first line of Neil Gaiman’s poem “The Hidden Chamber” in his book Fragile Things. The second was an anthropology textbook called “Anthropology: The Human Challenge.”

  123. “She pivoted and walked, back straight, iron grey waves glinting in the sun, along the path of light.”

    Outlander by Diana Gabaldon

    Just received my package of the first four of the series, purchased on half.com, haven’t started them yet, need to finish my current read first (The Martian, can’t see the movie until I’m done!).

  124. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets: “Errol!” Said Ron, taking the limp owl from Percy and extracting a letter from under its wing.

  125. It just didn’t occur to me that we wouldn’t be able to get out at the other end.

    Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

  126. “They sit on their beds and then take off their shoes. Their shoes are worn right through. So are mine.”
    That about sums it up! It’s been a good life but surely am worn out now!! lol

  127. “Well, Baby is completely out of her mind,” I overheard Isabelle saying to the social worker.
    (From Lullabies for Little Criminals by Heather O’Neill)

  128. “REI gear and clothing give you the performance and reliability you need for the outdoor adventures you love.”

    I’m in a store, so I had to go with the nearest package label. It’s for down-filled booties. That’s good, right?

  129. On first sight it looked distressingly forlorn, huddled there in the laps of the great Olympics,

    The Egg and I by Betty MacDonald

  130. “How to get it down.”

    Yes. This describes my love life. I’d love to learn a simpler, less…invasive way. And if I’m not involved at all- even better.

  131. “I never saw fields of such puny and unpromising looking corn as in this town.” Oh, good lord that’s funny. And sad. And funny again.

  132. “The final autopsy diagnoses were the following: AIDS with opportunistic pneumonia (Pneumocystis jirovecii), multifocal leukoencephalopathy, mild cerebrocortical atrophy, B cell lymphoma of the brain, streptococcal pyelonephritis, and opportunistic infection of the small and large intestines (cytomegalovirus).”
    From The Nature of Diseases. Hmm. Rather depressing. Let’s try the 2nd nearest book.
    “And nobody said anything?” From Magic Dreams by Ilona Andrews (granted – I had to count pages as it’s on my kindle). Hmm. Clearly rereading books isn’t helping my love life either.

  133. “These will be of youngish middle age, with nothing aside from the REEK OF WRONGNESS to give away the fact that they report directly to the DARK LORD”

    Welp.

  134. “When the Chiefs made the last agreement with the government, it told the people that the government would always pay in gold or silver, now they heard that it would pay in paper, and the Pawnees did not want that.” from Some Things Are Not Forgotten.
    No, we do not……

  135. “The Priest?” he said dryly.
    -The Bloodbound by Erin Lindsey

    Well this is awkward. And no, definitely not. O_o

  136. “I’m looking through Mia’s baby book when it hits me: in second grade she had an imaginary friend named Chloe.”

    What the fresh hell. XD

  137. I don’t want to say, because it actually is about sex lol. Take into account, I’m reading BLACK DAGGER BROTHERHOOD, so vampire p0rn basically.

    “Oh my god, I’m going to come-I’m going to come-“. 😃😳

  138. ‘Unlike “tactical” strikes aimed at an enemy’s military forces, “strategic” bombing focused on transportation systems and factories, the economic infrastructure necessary for waging war.’

    Command and Control by Eric Schlosser

    This explains so much.

  139. “His body still hadn’t been found.”

    Yep. That about sums it up. From All-Night Party: The Women of Bohemian Greenwich Village and Harlem, by Andrea Barnet

  140. “Well, well,” I said, “perhaps you have – still I don’t see them”; and I handed him the paper without additional remark, not wishing to ruffle his temper; but I was much surprised at the turn affairs had taken; his ill humor puzzled me – and, as for the drawing of the beetle, there were positively no antennae visible, and the whole did bear a very close resemblance to the ordinary cuts of a death’s-head.”

    Either this doesn’t really work with Poe, or I have invisible antennae. I always suspected as much.

  141. Technically the book nearest me is the World Atlas and page 45 is a geographical map of Arizona. There are no sentences on it. Hu, my love life is a vast desert, that’s so accurate it’s spooky.

  142. “As we drove off, she leaned against the ramp and lit a cigarette.”
    Yep, that’s about the right amount of What-the-Fucked-Uppedness.

  143. “Her argument was radical enough” from Notorious RBG (about Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsberg

  144. “Elizabeth, having rather expected to affront him, was amazed at his gallantry; but there was a mixture of sweetness and archness in her manner which made it difficult for her to affront anybody; and Darcy had never been so bewitched by any woman as he was by her.”

    Hm. XD

  145. … another coin, which Kennerly caught on the fly. “Surely. You stayin’ a little?” — maybe The Dark Tower was the wrong book to pick up for a heartfelt love life? But at least I’m getting paid in this version.

  146. “During the next year or two he had turned up fairly often, coming unexpectedly after dusk, and going off without warning before sunrise.”
    The Fellowship of the Ring 🙂

  147. Nor were her clothes the kind of rough-and-tumble play clothes that the Whitshank children wore. From A Spool of Blue Thread by Anne Tyler. Guess it depends on what kind of play clothes we’re talking about!

  148. Clouds rose in peaks and valleys like vast mountains, an entire realm of slow grace and breathtaking beauty.

    Academ’s Fury by Jim Butcher

  149. “In 1992, the television show Dateline NBC aired footage from inside a garment factory in Bangladesh that featured a Walmart production line where kids as young as seven were operating machines and trimming garments.”

    … I got nothin’. Maybe I should have gone with one of my other school books….

  150. from “William” by E.H. Young; “Oh, did you?” sorta sums THAT up…

    “Unhallowed Ground” by Mel Starr–‘I made no reply to these pleas for some minutes’

    Not going there….beg all you want, baby, Im not giving in. nope.

  151. From my Kindle: “I got the whole thing so mixed up that I decided that it would be a sound scheme for me to stop on in America for a bit instead of going back and having long cosy chats about the thing with aunt.” Much more accurate. (My Man Jeeves)

  152. “She survived, but another nun who was put in her room afterward came down with smallpox, went confluent, and died.” This can’t be good. From The Demon in the Freezer by Richard Preston.

  153. “It was dark space to fly in–a bad place for seeing who was getting close to you, but a good spot for a quiet rendezvous with people whose looks you already knew.” (Star Trek #18: My Enemy, My Ally)

  154. ‘Usually it was like spillage – cold and heavy, slippery and gray – but once in a while some stars had the nerve to rise and float, if only for a few minutes’
    From ‘The Book Thief’
    Hahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  155. The big question is whether you are going to be able to say a hearty yes to your adventure. – Joseph Campbell in Brené Brown’s “Rising Strong”

  156. I have a shelf full of books to my right. So I held my arm out straight and picked the one most aligned with me.

    “What makes you think you’ll outlive me, you dirty dog?” (The Cat Who Sang for the Birds.)

    Doesn’t seem very promising.

  157. “He fell over onto the floor before me unconscious with a thump.”

    Uprooted by Naomi Novik.

  158. Keep them too warm and potatoes’ll sprout or go bad.( In search of perfection by Heston Blumenthal.)

  159. “Alii possunt, alii nequeunt.”
    Whatever that means. It’s from a Latin version of Winnie the Pooh that I forgot to give my daughter the last time she was in town.
    The next sentence mentions Heffelumps though, so that sounds about right

  160. “The satisfactions and pleasures of life consisted less in doing them than in having ticked them off the list.”
    All that I am – Anna Funder
    SCARILY TRUE!

  161. “The long-nosed monkey of Borneo must be skinned out quite to the tip while the specimen is fresh, or it will dry up horribly.”

    I’m scared! Lol

  162. “That little slanty-eyed butt-wiggler.” Enders Game. Orson Scott Card, Signed Author’s Definitive Edition.
    Wow, just wow.

  163. “It is tempting to regard this period as a grim catalogue of cruelty and abuse, but it is worth reminding ourselves that not every good-time girl came to a bad end.” – from a history of prostitution in London. . . wish I had been reading ANYTHING else

  164. “Milankovich used his comprehensive mathematical and astronomical expertise to calculate changes in the passage of the earth around the sun and the rotation around its own axis.” From Quicksand by Henning Mankell. I’ve not got to p45 yet, but the book is the authors story of dealing with his own mortality after being diagnosed with cancer, so I really wasn’t hopeful – this, though, was unexpected.

  165. “Most people would be alarmed if a stranger pounced into the passenger seat of their car without invitation and made themselves comfortable.” Really not sure how to interpret that.

  166. “Their only hope is to come with me.” ~Rick Riordan The Red Pyramid I suppose it all depends on how you interpret that 6th word.

  167. …Oh, no… the book nearest to me is a history book.

    “Holmes knew- everyone knew- that as skyscrapers soared and the stockyards expanded their butchery, the demand for workers would remain high, and that workers and their supervisors would seek to live in the city’s suburbs, with their promise of smooth macadam, clean water, decent schools, and above all air untainted by the stench of rotting offal from the Union Yards.”

    As much as “stockyards”, “high demand for workers” and “stench of rotting offal” are all things you don’t want associated with your love life, the worst bit is “Holmes”. It’s referring to H. H. Holmes, the serial killer who built a murder palace in Chicago in the 1890s.

    Maaaaaybe I just shouldn’t date?

  168. Uh. I’m reading NeuroTribes (a book on autism) and got “There are thin cracks in the lid of an antique camphorwood chest at the foot of Craig and Shannon’s bed, because the chest made a perfect launching pad for experimental flights towards their mattress.”
    Yes. I believe I can fly. And am also luging hard enough to snort right now.

  169. “But she crept out of the room, and was very much relieved to find an excuse for doing it.”
    from A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett. I’ve been reading it to my daughter. But also an apt depiction in this context. Ha.

  170. “Part of the funerary ritual required the creation of ancestor tablets for a deceased emperor and empress.” From “worshiping the ancestors Chinese commemorative portraits” Huh.

  171. First attempt, “Blogging for Writers”- a reference book. “In the welcome section, you’re encouraged to “Customize your site”, as well as “Write your first blog post, and “Manage widgets or menus”. Second attempt, I used my favourite read, “Wild” by Cheryl Strayed: “The words are purposes. The words are maps.”~ Adrienne Rich, in Cheryl Strayed “Wild.

  172. “I’d gone to their show to prove that I was ok with the way things turned out.” (I’m always the bridesmaid) Twice Tempted: A night Prince Novel by Jeanine Frost.

  173. I’m in the middle of three books:
    Infinite home by Kathleen Alcott- “The kid always said hello.”
    The Marriage of Opposites by Alice Hoffman- “…and in the end you’ll become used to him.”
    Bed of Roses by Nora Roberts- “Only fourtynine to go”
    Not sure they make sense, been married since 1984 and together since 1980.
    What do you think?

  174. “Jeanette Nord’s cousin knew someone who’d been whacked so often in the head with her own arithmetic stick that she’d suffered brain damage and permanent baldness, according to Jeanette.”

    Wally Lamb’s She’s Come Undone.

  175. “‘Kunyant has a baby in her tummy,’ my mother told me.” (Slave: My True Story by Mende Nazer)

    Oh, dear! I surely hope not!

  176. sheesh, my pocket Constitution was the nearest book…can tell there is no love life…

    “On September 25, 1789, Congress transmitted to the state legislatures twelve proposed amendments of which the first two deal with Congressional representation and Congressional pay.

  177. The book (Death Investigator’s Handbook, vol. 3) starts with pg.649, so I added 45 to 649 (already this seems accurate)
    Page 694 is blank.

    NAILED IT

  178. “In that case, it was perfectly acceptable to relegate them to the role of “deaf-mute orphan” and “houseplant’ whenever you made up games.”
    This is eerily accurate.
    The book is “Hypocrite In a Pouffy White Dress -Tales of Growing Up Groovy and Clueless” by Susan Jane Gilman.

  179. “For moment it was as if a cloud had dimmed the sun.” The Desert and the Blade, by S.M. Stirlng.

  180. “But now–oh, now, all is lost: everything is lost, and there is no help more!”

    ….thats a damn shame.

  181. Coach: “Ah, gee, Ed, I don’t know”; we’ve had so many good boys. (this seems to be strangely appropriate).

  182. “How…How dare you call me a stalker! If you ween’t a demon, do you think I’d even dream of hanging around you, you Devil Welfare King?!”-The Devil Is A Part-Timer book 3

  183. “They also liked to tell prisoners of war they were going to straight up raped them” from page 45 of The De-Textbook. I never win these games.

  184. “What I tell you in the darkness, speak in the light; and what you hear whispered in your ear, proclaim upon the housetops.”

    I’m batting 1,000 today… There’s also my own journal next to me, but I’m afraid of what would be at the top of page 45. O.o

  185. “Only 49 more to go.” This makes my love life sound much more ambitious than it actually is…

  186. “In fact, I recall a fair amount of initial reluctance on their part–overcome by my successful begging.” for me.

    “This was greeted with good-natured laughter.” for my husband.

  187. My WIP (cause I have no time for anything else 😭):
    The woman’s face paled and her head began to sway to and fro, the word ‘no’ forming on her lips.

    Yeah, sounds aboit right.

  188. Curiously opened the nearest book (Franny and Zooey by JD Salinger) and page 45 is blank. Depressingly accurate.

  189. Apologies if someone has already posted this, but it’s worth noting that the 45-minute mark of the Furiously Happy audiobook says something along the lines of:

    “So it’s bestiality AND necrophilia? And a three-way, I think?”

    I’m DYING!

  190. Curiously opened the nearest book (Franny and Zooey by JD Salinger) and page 45 is blank. Depressingly accurate. Went to the second closest (Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov) and got “But for almost three weeks I had been interrupted in all my pathetic machinations”

  191. “Jan had a child, baby Lisa, but didn’t know who the father was.”
    Honestly, from a book called “The Murder Room,” this is more uplifting than I expected.

  192. Dune: “Duncan, the moral,” Paul said, “and Gurney the valorous”
    I dont know how I feel about this.

  193. My nearest book was an old journal, so I thought this should be interesting… “The elevator kept going up and every time it stopped I worried it was going to open to the orcas again” 😆😆… Then for good measure actually grabbed the nearest book, which was “Almost Somewhere: 28 days on the John Muir trail”: “how old are you?” 😬

  194. “Tell me everything. Leave nothing out.”
    from the mass market paperback of The Outstreched Shadow by Mercedes Lackey & James Mallory

  195. “For that, we thank you,” remarked the priest in a condescending tone.
    ~ Canticle by R.A. Salvatore

  196. From Reading Lolita in Tehran by Azar Nafisi……..”I can trace my nightly tremors back to the time when, in my sophomore year, while studying at a horrible school in Switzerland, I was summoned in the middle of a history lesson with a stern American teacher to the principal’s office. ” huh, that can’t be good 🙂

  197. As for me, I’d come across two people so far, and exactly both of them had wanted nohing to do wit me.- Dorothy Must Die, by Danielle Paige.
    Ahem. Ha ha ha.

  198. “Aunt Petunia found a few moldy blankets in the second room and made up a bed for Dudley on the moth eaten sofa.”

    So accurate, its scary!

  199. “As long as the ties that bind us together are stronger than those that would tear us apart, all will be well”

    Awww….from Just for Today

  200. “She’s still strapped in” says the other one of sergeants people. From The Girl with all the Gifts

    I wish.

  201. No book handy but thanks for the link to The Oatmeal. Lost a couple hours there but saw it’s going to be ok which left me crying. It’s true though – sometimes you need someone to tell you and sometimes you need to be the one telling and I think that is something that you’ve made the point of as well but damn it is easy to forget sometimes.

  202. Postcards by E. Annie Proulx: “Don’t be embarrassed, honey, I hate to say it too. ‘Prosthesis.’ Sounds like a nasty poison snake.

  203. “Saying he’ll grow up to be a demon just because his dad became one is like saying a mouse with its tail cut off will give birth to tailless mice”. – Good Omens
    I don’t know what this means for my love life, but I don’t think it’s good.

  204. This medallion graced the dining-room floor of a house of the Roman period (second century AD) uncovered in the excavation on the site of the former Diana Theatre.

    from Alexandria Rediscovered by Jean-Yves Empereur.

    Well, I did once tell my kid that once I get out of South Texas, I hope to do some volunteer work on archaeological digs and that, if I ever get married again, I’d be likely to meet my husband somewhere like that.

  205. This was my new reality, and I had better learn to deal or the tears would never stop flowing. Alice in Zombieland, Gena Showalter

    Hm, this doesn’t bode well.

  206. She took a few steps back and then cut down another corridor.
    from Simple Genius by David Baldacci

  207. Hmm, the nearest book to me was a whole stack of books, of/about Greek mythology. Let’s see if any of them explains my lack of a love life…

    “As seen above, Styx is the first to accept this offer; accompanying her are her children Zelos, Nike, Kratos and Bia.”

    Well, it’s sufficiently ominous, but…too many kids. I don’t think it explains anything. Let’s try the next one…which is actually Volume II of the same book…

    “But against this possibility is the fact that the shield-relief offers no sign of a woman or child, although there is certainly room for them.”

    Closer, but I don’t really feel any wiser on the subject of my love life…

    Let’s try the next book in the stack, a copy of the Iliad.

    “By this time the heralds in the city were bringing the lambs for the sacrifice, and the generous wine in a goatskin.”

    Ominous, but too much wine. Next!

    “The rocks clashed together as it passed, but only the tip of its tail was caught.”

    Um, does that mean I should be glad I don’t have a love life?

    One last book in the stack, a different copy of the Iliad. (Yes, I have two different translations of the Iliad sitting right next to me. And another one in the other room.)

    “There is the heat of Love, the pulsing rush of Longing, the lover’s whisper, irresistible — madness to make the sanest man go mad.”

    That’s definitely talking about someone else’s love life! (Whoever it is, it sounds torrid but not terribly successful. I’m glad it’s not mine.)

    Actually, in retrospect, I think this stack of books in itself is all the explanation I needed…

  208. Without oars you cannot cross in a boat~ Japanese proverb Certainly explains the last four sexless years of my existence. No oars. Huh? Euphemistically speaking this is spot on.

  209. “Decreasing is a method of reducing the number of stitches to narrow a piece if knitting” I’m not quite sure what this means, but I’m sure it is a very deep metaphor.

  210. The shock catapulted him into silence, a second stretched to infinity, as the room held its breath, waiting for the apoplectic shrieking to begin. (A God In Ruins) Sounds about right.

  211. “We were informed that Felipe could never again come to America – unless we got married.” (Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert)
    If you substitute vagina for America, this is dire. (Also, very Catholic.)

  212. If you find something new but want it to look old, you need a technique for distressing.
    Well that seems rather rude!

  213. “She’d never been alone except in her cell, and that didn’t feel like being alone because she knew there were girls in the other cells all around her and the keepers were always present and always checking on her.”

    Vision in Silver – Anne Bishop

    This is a terrible game.

  214. “No hint of any character, or even any info to keep the plot moving.” Sad, but true.

  215. “He had seen it blow smoke when it was upset, but there was never a hint of flame.” Bahhaha!

  216. “Though to be fair, it was less a laugh and more of a cackle.” From Amy Poehler’s Yes Please

  217. “Let’s do it!” — Fahrenheit 451.
    That’s surprisingly literal and relevant. I’ll take it.

  218. Since page 45 says “Finally, she put twenty feather quilts on top of the mattresses.” I think that page 42 should be used seeing as 42 is the Answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, The Universe, and Everything…in which case I get “Once upon a time, in a faraway place, there lived a handsome prince.” Yup, my prince is long gone and was too far away to begin with…sounds about right.

  219. “I suppose every single one of us that comes here, knowing that his work will mean contact with extraterrestrials, thinks that he will be an exception, that he’ll find a way to make friends with at least some of them.”

    That just about sums it up, doesn’t it?

  220. Is there a reason you take the bus? – no idea what this says about my love life but it made me laugh.

  221. “Are you one?”
    (“I don’t think so.”)

    From: Adam Nergal Darski – Confessions of a heretic

    I really do not know what to make of this.

  222. ” ‘Careful, there, boy, don’t drop it.’ ”

    Augusten Bourroghs, ‘A Wolf at the Table’.

  223. We did this on Christmas day. My sister-in-law got a page with a picture of the entire Chicago Blackhawks team. I had a book on dog training. You can imagine the results of that one. We laughed and laughed.

  224. “What are you here for?” from King Me (poetry) by Roger Reeves.

    I have, indeed, been wondering this.

  225. Somebody left a book of erotic bookplates outside my house. So basically it’s no words and just a bunch of dicks. Not sure what that says about me.

  226. ” It is tempting to believe that the author’s impersonal reference to the corpses belie some sense of discomfort with his activities.” From STIFF by Mary Roach…who is also 50 kinds of fabulous.

  227. “Do not fight him, and do not think he means to murder you when he takes you in his arms.”

    Really, that is the first full sentence on page 45 of Alice Hoffman’s ‘The Marraige of Opposites’.
    Well, okay, I won’t.

  228. ” I won’t even take it out of the box and what’s the point in receiving something I’ll only have to send back?” Let’s explore diabetes with owls

  229. “Spit it out right now.” from To Kill A Mockingbird (which truly was the book nearest me when I read this post, and which I did promptly upon reading the line.)

  230. “Obviously you are making excellent progress.” <– really? doesn’t seem like it…
    “These upper class women were clad in provocative dress, acted with a lack of decorum, and departed radically from the image of modesty that epitomized the traditional roles for wives and widows.” <– hah!

  231. I have a launcher that does a manual install and run of fixxer.exe, which would then spread on its own from there; that is, I use the botnet version of fixxer to install the worm version of fixxer.

    Not sure at all, but I think it’s saying that one of us is a virus. This does not sound unreasonable.

  232. Nick stumbled to his knees and planted both hands on the wet beach, clutching the sand to steady himself. This is from The Child Thief by Brom.His illustrations are wonderful, this is a very different version of Peter Pan.I loved his book Krampus,too.
    m

  233. The tragic irony of cholera is that the disease has a shockingly sensible and low-tech cure: water.

    Um, no. Let’s try that again.

    “One would feel easier about it”, said Sir Kevin, “if the pursuit itself were less … selfish.”

    I don’t think I like this game.

  234. “That’s a death sentence too, in addition to everything else we’re planning to do to him.”
    Neil Gaiman, ‘How the Marquis Got His Coat Back’
    Thanks, Neil, that’s just great.

  235. “Sudoku is dangerous stuff.” That EXACTLY describes my frickin love life. Amazing but true.
    Dang.

  236. “What is this stuff?”
    Tia replied “He doesn’t know. He doesn’t even know what to call these things until he labels them in his sleep.”
    Turbulence, Samit Basu. Eerily correct.

  237. “She opened her mouth to give the Red sister a chance to defend herself at the same instant Nynaeve opened hers, yet Elayne spoke first.”
    ~”The Path of Daggers” by Robert Jordan
    Sounds spicy!!

  238. “A bundle of fur and cloth breaks down our door, and I can see two eyes, brown and reddened at the rims, and I think of the cucumber martini with the chili rim I drank with John the night we decided to split.”
    This is from the short story The Snowstorm, in the book After the Gazebo, by Jen Knox. She just so happens to be my most favorite daughter-in-law!

  239. ” Some cats are special because they were exactly what someone needed at exactly the time they needed it: a soulmate, a companion, a distraction, a friend. ”
    I have to include the next line because it’s so true. “And some cats are just plain crazy.”
    From Dewey’s Nine Lives

  240. “Over time the pressure builds and builds, until the plates slip, releasing huge amounts of energy in the form of earthquakes.” – The 5th Wave, Rick Yancey. **I looked at two others but neither one made any sense. 😉

  241. “Slowly his hands relaxed, and he began to tremble.” – The Fellowship of the Ring. Could be sexy if it wasn’t about Bilbo Baggins.

  242. “Bird shot'” said Black Mabel and collapsed on the tarp draped over the corner that had once contained a fireplace. Meh.

  243. “She asked Brenda instead of one of her siblings because she didn’t want to have to lie about where she would spend the money.” I feel like I should thank Brenda for being there in my time of need, even though I don’t know a Brenda.

  244. ‘She felt the anguish of any mother unable to stop her child’s torment.’ – Oh good god. Now I want to cry.

  245. Couldn’t be more true if I had written it myself. Paper back copy of the Martian. “After all that work and getting blown up, I’m exhausted.”

  246. “Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers to communication between different races and cultures, has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in the history of creation.”

    haha. from The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. hmmmm I dig it.

  247. Platelets usually return to normal shortly after the drug is discontinued.
    Closest book- Merck Veterinary Manual

  248. I work in a major university library. The first book I picked up was in Cyrillic. I have no clue what it says.

    That’s a good explanation of my love life.

  249. OMG – This could NOT be more perfect!
    “I asked myself again, What had I find to deserve this?” (Michael Moore – Here Comes Trouble)

  250. “In elemental form, phosphorus is nasty stuff, particularly the white phosphorus allotrope, discovered in 1669 in Hamburg and responsible in 1943 for helping burn that city to the ground in one of the great firestorms of World War II (magnesium incendiary bombs leveled the buildings; white phosphorus burned the people driven outside).”

    Terrible… I’m just going to give up now.

  251. “In one case his class met in an outdoor ditch that had been turned into an air raid shelter”

  252. “By the end of the day, his gait was almost normal and the questions were coming from him.”
    the enchanted life of adam hope by rhonda riley.

    i don’t know if i should be pleased with myself or embarrassed.

  253. “Life is a series of experiences.” From page 45 of The Mayo Clinic Handbook for Happiness – A 4-Step Plan for Resilient Living. Love is definitely a series of experiences, which I am very happy to go through with my husband!

  254. “It was not merely the extraordinary beauty of the face that had impressed itself on her memory, but the other’s expression: livid, yet strangely exhilarated.” The Cuckoo’s Calling, my nearest book happens to be in on my phone in ibooks 😉

  255. “Of course you can have whiskey. I’d like it if you did”

    Not sure if this is hilarious or terrifying.

  256. Maggie moved in tandem with her uncle: He put the gear into park.

    from an ARC of “Cop Town” by Karin Slaughter

    Ugh, I have to go and vomit now.

  257. “For a fee, the exchange will ‘flash’ information about buy and sell orders for just a few fractions of a second before the information is made publicly available.” From Flash Boys by Michael Lewis.

    That’s just wrong. Except in Amsterdam I think.

  258. “I started to say “No,” but looking at his big friendly smile, I smiled back and said, “I guess I have.” – Where the Red Fern Grows

    Well…

  259. This is what I get for coming here while at work: “Notice that EQUAL returns NIL if it recursively has to compare an atom to a cons.”
    I’m guessing “Programming in Common LISP” is a rather obtuse source for advice on one’s love life – but that’ not really bad advice.

    The next closest book is a vintage copy of “Structures to Resist the Effects of Accidental Explosions” – I’m guessing it’s best to not go there…

  260. “This fake version of Morris Day is a progenitor of the real Chris Brown, the self-absorbed R&B superstar who assaulted Rihanna in 2009 and was instantly despised by everyone in America (except Rihanna herself who seemed to like him slightly more).” – I Wear the Black Hat, Chuck Klosterman

    Um…this is very much not what I was hoping for.

  261. The book nearest to me? Trigger Warning by Neil Gaiman.

    The sentence? “The man said nothing, only grunted.”

  262. The city of Philadelphia was, for the most part, still living frugally in those days, but Henry designed White Acre as a brazen affront to the very notion of thrift. “The Signature of All Things” Elizabeth Gilbert
    Heaven knows, thrift has been a problem………:-)

  263. Unfortunately the book was my Employment Law textbook: “A number of factors will be considered significant when determining the amount of damages to be imposed on an employer for discriminatory conduct.” Quite a disastrous love life I have.

  264. “The neurotic individual, on the other hand, does not simply experience a temporary inability to cope with specific difficulties…his reaction is consistently inappropriate…” OK!!! Lo!!

  265. “When Michel Callon argues that “to transform something into a commodity, and two agents into a seller and a consumer, it is necessary to cut the ties between the thing and the (…) human beings,” this does not seem to hold on the art market.” But, it was a good deal.

    Olav Velthuis, Talking Prices: Symbolic Meanings of Prices on the Market for Contemporary Art.

  266. “Now look back at all your check-marks, and don’t deny yourself a moment (or longer!) to be proud of what you’ve accomplished ad give yourself the much-deserved credit for all your hard work.” – Whole30 Cookbook by Melissa and Dallas Hartwig

  267. Oh, noes, I have a Kindle and I’m reading a Perry Mason mystery “The Case of the Beautiful Beggar.” How can I tell what’s on page 45, you ask? Well, it’s a crappy PDF-translated-to-mobi and it still has the page numbers on it.

    “That’s right,” Judge Ballinger said, “you answered that with a flat ‘no’ without hesitation a short time ago.

    Oh, that’s sadly accurate given my upcoming divorce to a charming loser-jerk who has lost his charm.

  268. “Talking is something that dysfunctional ___________ (PLURAL NOUN) should never attempt to do, but there are times when it cannot be avoided, such as at family ___________. (NOUN)”

    My nearest book is dysfunctional family madlibs!