March 2016 – The Bloggess

Kids today, right?

Things I wrote on my phone at 2am and then later found and read and wondered if maybe I need to cut back on my sleeping pills: It’s weird that kids will walk for miles just to see a dead body in a ravine when they could just walk into a funeral home and look atContinue reading “Kids today, right?”

Ow. That’s my earhole.

Conversation with Victor: me: This fortune cookie is confusing me. How would I peel my ears? I’ve heard of keeping your eyeballs peeled but who peels ears? And now that I think about it, why are we even peeling eyeballs? That sounds super painful. Victor: It’s a figure of speech. me: It’s not a good one. If youContinue reading “Ow. That’s my earhole.”

Not alone.

First off, Happy Easter to me: May you too have a basket made of dead armadillo filled with your favorite, weirdo things. Including an Easter egg glued to a dead mouse. Or Benedict Cumberbunnies. The usual. And speaking of weirdos, if you follow me on twitter you already know that this weekend you all gaveContinue reading “Not alone.”

Every Friday night. And Saturday night. And every night basically.

Every Friday night starts the pictures of friends who are out at parties and dinners and with more friends and strangers. I love to see them dressed up and happy but a tiny bit of myself looks at those pictures and feels like a loser because my anxiety disorder makes me run from crowds andContinue reading “Every Friday night. And Saturday night. And every night basically.”

I am a goddam fashionista.

You know those bloggers who write about jackets and foot clothes and hair things? The fashiony people? I never entirely got their deal until I discovered the joy of collecting purses. I mean, technically, they’re just coin purses and I didn’t really “collect” them so much as I just bought the set because they were cheaper thatContinue reading “I am a goddam fashionista.”

I AM STILL ALIVE.

Hey. I’m still alive but I’m super busy doing something I want to tell you about but I can’t say it out loud because I’m afraid I’ll jinx it so just rest assured that it’s something that 10% of you will say “OMG THAT IS THE BEST NEWS EVER!” and 50% will be like, “Okay.Continue reading “I AM STILL ALIVE.”