My nose is an asshole. But not literally. Thank God.

(My blog ate this post an hour ago. Even the internet is fucking with me. But apparently all is fixed. Trying this again. If it doesn’t work I’m just going to go set fire to the house.)

Yesterday I was talking to some (now estranged) family members and one said that a local indoor skydiving place just opened. Apparently a super-strong wind is blown up from the floor and you float on it, but I wondered aloud how people keep from suffocating when all that wind is blowing on your face and then everyone looked at me like I shit on the floor because apparently most people don’t completely lose the ability to use their nostrils when they stick their face out of the window in a speeding car. I assumed they were just fucking with me but I’ve asked several other people and apparently this is not a “normal” thing. Or it is a normal thing and everyone I know is conspiring to make me think I’m insane. Except that I looked on the internet and found at least 4 people in the world who’ve asked the same thing so I can’t be alone. Unless I’m those four people and I’ve blocked it out. So I’m asking here. Is it just me?


252 thoughts on “My nose is an asshole. But not literally. Thank God.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I hate wind. Wind and contact lenses are incompatible. But if they give me goggles I will try to float on the air. I’ll wear pants so no one can look up my dress. That worked for Marilyn Monroe but I’m 65 now and I don’t believe it will have the same appeal.

  2. I actually find it easier to breathe when there is a breeze directly in my face. Does that make me weird? Or weirder? I also find that a stiff wind in my face when I am on a sailboat prevents me from barfing. Not sure why. Or why I told you this. Hmm. Breathe on!

  3. That happens to me too! I can’t breathe in a really hard wind. Same for babies when you blow in their face…to get them to stop crying, not cause I am being sadistic!

  4. I jumped out of a plane, and not only could I barely breathe, but I could not close my mouth. G-forces are a total bitch!

  5. I’m glad I’m in the majority thinking that I’m not sure if I can breathe like that or not.

  6. I’ve often wondered if others had this problem. My grandma called ‘getting your breath stolen’ by the wind.

    (I LOVE YOUR GRANDMA. ~ Jenny, bloggess)

  7. Trying to figure out what’s “not normal” – trying to breathe against a head wind, or sticking your head out of a car window? Because the whole point of sticking your head out of a car window is to black out a bit from all the air pummeling so that you can’t breathe. It makes a long journey go faster. (Note: This is most effective on the kind of highways most people use for a long journey. It doesn’t work well in rush hour traffic, especially when there are those lunatics on motorcycles zipping between the car lanes.) (Another note: It’s probably best if you don’t try this while driving. And not only because you might drop your cellphone.)

  8. I totally wanted to leave a comment no one will ever see. Mercury in retrograde is messing with us all! (Insert evil, maniacal laugh here).

  9. I think I can. I mean, I don’t stick my head out of the car window but I’ve been out in pretty strong winds and I’m still breathing. I’m pretty sure I’d have noticed if I’s suffocated.

  10. It’s much harder to breathe when you are busy letting your tongue and jowls flap in the wind when you have your head out the window. So I’m guessing my dog would have trouble breathing too.

  11. I went for a sleep study and they fitted me for a machine that would help me breathe if I stopped breathing during the night. Apparently these things are commonly used and help lots of people not die in their sleep. Thankfully I don’t have sleep apnea because I couldn’t breathe at all with the thing on. Too much oxygen would totes kill me.

  12. I’m sure we’ve evolved to not deal with air blowing in our faces. If it was meant to be fun, our nostrils would face forwards like dogs, instead of down. Don’t know about other animals, I’ve never seen anybody drive round an elephant or a giraffe.

  13. I’m just happy I can finally read your post! Worth the wait 😊

  14. Woman, you are in Texas! Have you paid no attention to the size of our bugs lately? Please don’t stick your head out the window of a moving vehicle. A passing mosquito could put your eye out, and really, isn’t a Red Rider BB Gun the proper tool for that job?

  15. If the wind is strong enough, I can’t breathe well. I hate blasts of air — hot, cold, someone’s exhales: yuck. Stay off my poor smashed facebones, please!

  16. This exact thing happened to me the one time I went skydiving. No one had told me that I might have trouble breathing with the air coming at my face at 120mph. It was terrifying. Never again.

  17. I don’t know if I can breathe in a strong wind, but I DO have trouble breathing if I think about it. Which I am now. Crap. Thanks a lot

  18. My husband is going actual skydiving on Saturday. I’m more worried about the not being able to breathe when he splats on the ground and his lungs shoot out his back. Hadn’t even considered the suffocation aspect. Thanks Jenny!

  19. I feel as if it’s easier to breathe if a fan is blowing air towards my nostrils, but that I would suffocate in a strong wind and drown in sweatlodge

  20. You are not alone! I have it too. In fact, your post is giving my nostrils a panic attack. This condition is a serious side effect of too much awesome in one person.

  21. Thank god! I really really really wanted to know why your nose is an asshole!

  22. Glad the Internet stopped being an asshole, finally! I like wind in my face because it makes me feel calm. I’m not talking about gale-force winds, just regular wind. However, if I stick my face into the air coming in the window while driving down a highway I will freak the fuck out because I can’t breathe. At least that’s what I believe.

  23. I was on oxygen after surgery and I kept having to remove the tubes, just so I could breathe. And the nurses kept putting it back, and I kept taking it out. Too much wind and I can’t breathe.

  24. Well, actual sky diving would be different, no? Because the wind is strong, but not strong enough to keep you suspended… you are still falling. Fake sky diving wind must be more forceful. Also, my grandmother also talked about the wind stealing your breath. WTF was with the wind in those days?

  25. There was one of those indoor skydiving machines in Orlando, but I never tried it while I lived there, although I was tempted at times. Now I’m glad I didn’t, because you’ve given me a new thing to fear besides the whole “What if it broke and I fell to my death?” scenario I’d already worked out in my mind. I have trouble breathing in exceptionally cold weather; cold winds take my breath completely out of my lungs. I think, now that I’m looking back, there was a time in Philly where the wind down Market Street was so bad it was like a wind tunnel and I was having trouble breathing as I walked against it toward the train station to go home. So perhaps I would also suffocate while skydiving. Thanks Jenny, now I can cross that off my bucket list with good reason and not feel like I’m wimping out. I’m just trying to stay alive so I can do other things on my bucket list!

  26. Normal. I stick my head out the window and my air is immediately cut off. Don’t understand why. My dog sure loves it, though!

  27. Hahaha I love that you know what happens when you stick your face out of the window of a car. That’s amazing. I’m trying it ASAP.

  28. You need to have a falcon beak (maybe your nose is too dainty). I have heard that Falcons have a special bone that breaks up the air flow so that they do not suffocate when they are diving. So I was going to say that Falcons would understand your problem, but I suppose that they actually wouldn’t.

  29. I like that I can select all four answers. It’s perfect for someone as indecisive as me.

  30. That’s not how skydiving works. They are just blowing so much wind at you that you float in the air. Real skydiving involves jumping out of an airplane when you are up so high everything below looks like toys, and trusting that the parachute in your pack will open when it should, unfold without tangling, and let you drift safely to the ground. That is real skydiving.

  31. It can be done but it makes many people very uncomfortable. This is why no one likes Cpap machines. But you can breathe with them.

  32. In of those machines I’d worry about catching the wind at the wrong angle and then careening out of the jet stream and into a wall or something. So, I’ll never need to worry about whether I’m breathing or not, just whether the impact would kill me.

  33. I don’t want to vote in the pole because I too sometimes have difficultly breathing when there’s a lot of air in my face, but I’ve never died from it. Just turn your head a little. But it was especially bad at 7 am on cold fall mornings when we were speeding uphill in the landscaping truck in the back while waiting to be dropped off at our designated flowerbeds.

  34. I don’t actually suffocate, but I do have trouble breathing sometimes. Therefore, I can’t vote properly. But I’m going to go skew the results in your favor anyway.

  35. While I hate the imagery of ‘noses as assholes’ (my nose is really VERY sensitive and I can smell things I really wish I could not smell, making elevators not so much fun for me). I’m with you on the wind thing. I can’t breathe in a heavy wind. My solution, of course, is to wrap a scarf around my face. You won’t find me sticking my head out of a car window (not a doggy) or jumping out of a perfectly good plane (that seems unreasonable to me, I’ll stay in my seat, thank you). I’ll take my adventure elsewhere… say, stepping up on stage and pouring my guts out to a bunch of folks who don’t know me. That’s scary enough 😉

  36. Until recently, I wasn’t able to breathe with both nostrils at the same time. I had surgery to fix this, but the swelling and pain medication conspired to give me a huge “can’t breathe/going to suffocate” anxiety attack. I still get these from time to time. There’s an anti-smoking commercial that airs at night that plays the sounds of someone unable to breathe due to emphysema. It’s a huge anxiety trigger for me & I need to switch stations quickly when it comes on or I won’t sleep all night.

  37. Though I have no direct experience, I would imagine that it depends on the direction of the wind relative to your face holes and the speed of the wind – wind perpendicular to your face will tend to draw air out of your lungs, while wind parallel will make exhaling difficult. Stemming from Bernoulli’s principle and human breathing having more muscle power for inhaling and relatively less for exhaling.

  38. I’ve never seen a reporter die from suffocation while reporting on a hurricane, so I think it’s just you.

  39. I googled about this after reading this post. You can sleep peacefully, you are not alone!
    Also its 3 am here. So, I am going to sleep thinking about this. Pretty sure I am going to get a nightmare about nostrils poking out of car windows and jumping out of planes. Just the nostrils, no face or body (Otherwise it wouldn’t be a nightmare, would it?).

  40. I’ve done indoor skydiving and it is awesome. First go I was worried about breathing so came out early but second go was awesome.. Where I went in the uk you do short bursts so even if you couldn’t breathe you’re not really in there long enough to die

  41. My husband just gave a completely scientific explanation for “yes” . He says yes because sky divers don’t die — unless they crash or have a heart attack or the parachute doesn’t open!!!

  42. I can’t breathe with a strong wind blowing in my face. Even worse, winds during the Minnesota winter won’t let me breathe, and seem to have the ability to suck the breath out of me. Double assholes!

  43. I’m assuming since people have skydived in the past and this is the first I’ve heard of this question that breathing isn’t the biggest danger in falling out of the sky

  44. Anytime I am in the backseat of a car and the windows are open I feel like I’m drowning. I have to cover my nose so I can breathe. This happens on roller coasters and other theme park rides too, You are not alone!

  45. It depends on the temperature. If a super cold wind is blowing in my face I can’t. Of course now Victor is going to have to test the thing out for you.

  46. I wanna one of these wind thingies! But beings that I’m overweight, I’m terrified I’m “too big” for the wind to actually pick me up. So I just end up standing there….. going nowhere… then slink off in shame.

  47. I have skydived (or is it “skydove”?) and extreme wind right in the face can make it difficult to draw in a good breath. (Same with being thrown in or jumping in a river in NC on a December day. The military called it training.) I’d imagine a wind machine would be even worse.

    It took 4 tries for the blog to appear but it did this time. Obviously, right? After all, I’m leaving a comment. No need to set fire to the house.

  48. Yes too much oxygen will kill you..
    It’s not you or your computer it is Mercury. Mercury fucked up our computers at work today too.
    When someone says they are not here to Fuck spiders, I think they mean they are not here to fuck Spiderman.

  49. Thank goodness someone else knows about this! I’m 48 years old and my family STILL mocks me and gives me sh*t because when I was a kid, I’d say, “I can’t breathe!” when I was riding in the back seat of a car and the front windows were rolled down.
    It truly did take my breath away.

  50. Youre not alone on this. I cant breathe when a strong wind is blowing at me. Now that Im thinking about it, this might be why Im scared of roller coasters – I apparently subconsciously don`t want to suffocate.

  51. I won admission for two to one of those places. Is I die, I’ll have someone post a warning here in my memory.

  52. I went skydiving once. It was 90 seconds of insane air pushing my face back and flopping my jaws around. I decided that day that I am not into wind. The next 7 minutes was very nice. I didn’t die of whooshed air, however I don’t want to repeat it.

  53. A good crosswind in the car will take my breath away. Is that not what the song from Top Gun was about? Great.

  54. My brother almost died when he stuck his head out of the car window while I was driving once, but that was because a bug went up his nose at about 60 mph. Needless to say he was too busy choking on the bug to breathe, so yes, technically his breath was stolen away. But I think I’ll leave it to others to stick their heads out windows to test your question out, I’ll go look for that wind tunnel.

  55. This reminds me of when I took a poll to find out how many pairs of underwear everyone in my workplace had, because my housemate looked at me like I was crazy when I said I had 30 pairs. (Since when is 30 too many?)

  56. Go on one of those ‘drop you 100 feet safely’ rides at a theme park (for which I was once a test subject) and you will learn how hard it is to breathe when air is moving very rapidly past or into your face.

  57. I DID THIS! I did. In Gatlinburg, TN. I was really worried because I lied a tiny bit about my weight and spent the whole time being terrified that I would die. I didn’t. I also didn’t know the air being sucked out because I totally get what you are saying about not being able to breathe.

  58. When you swim, do you have to wear noseplugs or does something inside your nose seal up? If the latter, my hypothesis is that your brain is interpreting the strong flow of air as a liquid invasion and trying to save your life.

  59. It is an anxiety response. The same thing happens when they put a c-pap on you. They have a button to push that starts the air at a lower pressure and it increases gradually so apparently lots of people feel like they cannot breathe when there is a sudden rush of air up your nose.

  60. Shit son. I HATE wind in my face. And I made the mistake of going for-real skydiving, completely not realizing that it was going to be windy as hell, RIGHT IN MY FACE. I was fucking miserable and it was a terrible experience and I’m kind of having a Vietnam flashback right now thinking about it. But in a happier note,

  61. this happens to me too. my whole body hates me though, so this is nothing new. today my depression has gobbled up the sky. if i’m lucky enough to emerge tomorrow, my nose will most likely fail me if i stick it out the window of a moving car.

  62. When I ride my motorcycle I can still breathe while going fast. I just can’t see while going fast because the wind makes my eyes stream tears.

  63. As a former demonstration skydiver, I used to get asked this question often. Apparently you’re not the only one who wonders about that. For the record, I never had any problem breathing with the wind blowing past me at 120mph.

  64. I thought of you when I read about the Florida man stopped for having an alligator foot in his ashtray.

  65. I thought not being able to breathe when a strong wind hit you in the face was normal. I live in North Dakota and sometimes in the winter when it is cold and windy I have to walk backwards so I can breathe!

  66. I tried this, and my afraid of heights teenager tried it too. It was ridiculously fun! I did breathe once i was horizontal, but it took a second to trust it.

  67. I wonder that no one commented on the fact people pay to fake skydiving. I mean that doesn’t say ‘wow I wonder what to do with all this extra money’ weirdness to anyone?

  68. Oh my goodness. I can not breathe when the wind is strong. I cannot breathe on the back of a motorcycle. Where does the phrase, “took my breath away” come from if not from the wind sucking it out of you.
    I also believe that I can get messed up by the earth’s rotation because I can be standing still (or sitting in a boat on a perfectly calm day) and all of a sudden~~~~whammo….I am on the floor. Like some invisible force just knocked my knees out from under me. Understandably, I never get to hold my baby grandchildren unless I am sitting in a chair and then their mother (my daughter) is eyeing me for any movement toward the floor.

  69. Yeah, it can be done. I went skydiving a couple of times and had to stand out on a strut on the wing of the plane. When I looked back into the plane and smiled at the instructor the wind was so strong my cheeks ballooned out and I couldn’t close my mouth. Then of course I started laughing which just made things worse. But through it all, I could breathe.

  70. I’ve never tried out a car window, but I did actually go skydiving and I nearly passed out (Not as a figure of a speech. It took every ounce of strength I had to stay conscious while strapped onto the front of some stranger as we floated back to the ground). Not sure what the exact cause of that was, but now I’m wondering maybe I wasn’t breathing?

  71. I put on a CPAP mask and felt like I couldn’t breathe. You’re supposed to adapt to it quickly but I had to take it off after 10 minutes of wanting to rip it off.

    …and now I have to take indoor skydiving off my list. Pity because I’m too much of a scaredy cat to do real skydiving (I mean, really? Falling to the ground from a height? Have that dream; hate it)

  72. No. THIS IS A REAL THING! I too tried my husband’s CPAP and thought I was going to die. Good thing that he can wear it or I would have to stab him in his sleep because he snores loud enough that people one floor below us can hear him……

  73. I did have my head out of a window of a speeding vehicle once – and only once – and I didn’t have any trouble breathing, but I DID get a bruise on my forehead from a bug. Also, I can’t breathe through my nose at the Dentists and the Hair Dresser. The first because I’m SUPPOSED to breathe through my nose but I’m contrary apparently, and the other because something there seals my sinuses shut.

  74. I need to go hang my head out of the car window and have the husband drive reeeaaallllly fast to see. But I think you are onto a thing. Like, only dogs can hear high pitched sounds AND breathe thru their noses when a high wind blows directly in their faces.

  75. My sister took me indoor skydiving for my birthday several years ago. It was totally awesome. Maybe you could work up to it by sitting in front of a fan. Suffocating would take the fun out of the whole experience.

  76. I’ve never gone real skydiving or fake skydiving or stuck my head out of a car window, but I can’t even sleep with a fan on because I will not be able to breathe, so it’s probably just as well I haven’t done any of those other things or I’d be too dead to type this.

  77. Try blowing in a baby’s face. They gasp because they can’t breathe. I wonder if it’s a reflex that typically disappears with time and yours didn’t. It’s your windy equivalent of an open fontanel.

  78. I can’t swallow with my mouth open. Apparently other people can. I don’t really believe them.

  79. I just hope this poll data will be ysed for the greater good of himanity. Somehow.

  80. I just hope this poll data will be used for the greater good of humanity. Somehow.

  81. I cannot breathe when air blows in my face but I thought I was the only one! This is why I cannot ride those roller coasters that take off at like 60 mph. The air makes me immediately stop breathing and I feel like I’m going to die until the coaster stops accelerating. It’s an awful feeling. But I also sneeze when I walk out into bright sunlight. I’m weird.

  82. You would not like the hurricane simulator at our local science museum. GIANT WIND TUNNEL.

  83. I know that babies stop breathing when you blow on their face. I assume most people grow out of it as they age but maybe you just never did? Like that thing in a babies heart that bypasses the lungs when they are in utero that is supposed to close but sometimes doesn’t and then they have to have surgery or they die.

  84. I’ve been skydiving for real twice and it was hard for me to breathe during free fall from the rushing air. I think having a hard time breathing bothered me more than the fact that I was rushing toward the ground at 100+ mph!!

  85. I have a hard time sleeping with a fan blowing towards me because it makes me stop breathing. In the interest of full disclosure I worry a lot about not being able to breathe. Those tube slides at the water park make me nearly pass out from nervousness.

  86. Ha! Fun fact, if you try to do it in the subway, people will stare at you like you’re crazy or something…

  87. Been skydiving twice and can confirm: not possible to breathe through your nostrils with strong winds in your face. In fact, also very difficult to breath through a wide open mouth. Luckily it’s over quick or I’d have suffocated!

  88. Went (static line) skydiving last summer. Didn’t suffocate. Probably helped that I was so terrified I forgot to breathe anyway!
    P. S. I’d do it again, too.

  89. All I know is I feel like this is a mystery I’m fine with ever knowing the answer to. No crazy winds or jumping out of things for me, please. 😉

  90. I thought I worried about way too many weird things, but you take it to another level! Thanks for giving me new ideas, Jenny, so I can get even less sleep! Lol

  91. I’ve always wondered why dogs don’t die when they stick their heads out the car window.

    We used to own a small speed boat. I am only alive to type this because I would turn my head and look backwards so I could breath and/or see (My eyes don’t like to remain open in high winds either, apparently). Obviously, I was not allowed to drive. Ever. Which just means more wine-slushees for me, right? (Spell Check doesn’t think there is such a thing as a wine-slushee. What a sad life Spell Check must lead).

    The most I can tolerate is a box fan on medium…while talking like Darth Vader into it…

  92. I have honestly had asthma attacks brought on by really strong wind! So it literally stops me from being able to breathe. I’m as shocked as you to find out that this is not normal!

  93. It totally happens to me! I almost suffocated in the dentist chairnecause the the air hose thingie. Totally forgot how to breath, had a panic attack, snd stopped trying. It was bad. Once I calmed down enough to recall how, he used it again. I may need laughing gas to survive my up coming extractions!

  94. I’m able to breathe fine in strong winds as far as I know. But as for the rest, I just wanna say #TeamFreddieMercury #TeamMakePlutoAPlanetAgain #TeamDowngradeMercury #TeamRetrogradeAgainAlready? etc. etc. etc.

  95. If it’s cold and windy I breathe, but I cough a lot. That makes it hard to breathe. Cough-variant asthma but only after/during a cold (in the nose).

  96. And how embarrassing to look like you have a mouth full of gophers trying to get out.

  97. Randomly, I just read an article where a doctor (I think an actual ENT) referenced how hard it is to breathe when your head is out the window to describe a possible explanation for a scary sounding disease that may or may not exist. Look, it’s hard to describe, here’s the link so that you can have proof that you’re not alone:

  98. My husband has skydived (or skydove?) and he said he could breath fine. But he’s not weird like my daughter and me so next time she and I are out driving I’ll see if I can get her to stick her head out the window for the true test. Stay tuned.

  99. It seems like inhaling would be easy but exhaling might be a problem? Really have to try this now and I will be happy to report my results if I live through it.

  100. I thought this post was going to be about Austin allergies, because Oh My Great Grandmother I can’t breathe right now and it’s driving me crazy!!!! Sneezing and sniffling and itching and nose blowing- yay, Austin? 😓

  101. It’s not so much that I can’t breathe with hard wind in my face, but more like I’m being tricked into a different way of breathing. Suddenly I have this cold blast in the back of my nasal passage, the air is violently swirling all around and I guess my brain thinks I actually took that breath. But that makes it almost impossible to sniff in more air through my nose, it doesn’t even give me a choice! I know exactly what you mean.

  102. I can’t breathe in 50 mph wind gusts. I would probably pass out in the skydiving machine and tumble aimlessly. Asshole nose…

  103. When wind speeds get beyond a certain threshold, they actually suck the air out of your lungs, preventing you from being able to take a full breath and essentially suffocating you. Peregrine falcon have specially developed nostrils that counteract this effect, enabling them the ability to breathe as they dive-bomb their prey, typically reaching speeds of 180 mph.

  104. Several years ago, I had a first (and last) date with a super cool guy who picked me up on a motorcycle. As soon as we hit the freeway, I had a total panic attack from not being able to breath with the wind in my face (the fact that he gave me a helmet with no face/wind guard – while he had one) should have been a clue that he was a douche. I went home early and soon met my (now) husband…he drives a Honda.

  105. I hate when you put out a random thought and ppl look at you crazy, like there are no stupid questions!….right? Maybe….

  106. I can’t believe I took time away from Neko Atsume to vote in that poll. 😉

  107. It must be at least a little common. One of the arguments against trains when they were first invented (yes, there were technophobes opposed to trains) is that people wouldn’t be able to breathe while moving at the breakneck speed of 20 miles per hour.

  108. CPAPs – I use a breathing machine at night. You absolutely need to relearn breathing to have that much air coming at you at once. It takes some effort! After you learn? No more panic! Time to find a friend with a CPAP and practice! Than you can go indoor skydiving – and isn’t that just oxymoronic?

  109. Nostrils are not designed for super-fast sniffing, and so can’t keep up with the speed of the car/air interface. Dogs catch it on their tongues: that’s why they have no problem. (And why they are always smiling – because they are so smug that they can breathe and humans can’t). #fact

  110. Once when I had an oxygen canula (is that the right word?) up my schnoz, I found it harder to breathe when it was turned up higher, so yeah. Also, think of all the bugs that could shoot up there while you’re free falling. Also also, no sooner would you part your lips to speak, and your mouth would whip open like your parachute, so you can’t even tell someone you’re suffocating. Yep. Totally with you on this.

  111. First of all can I just say this..I HATE WIND! I always have and always will. So I would not be doing this at all. My grandsons are always saying, its windy out Grammy you will hate it today…they know…

  112. didn’t get to finish…hit the button by mistake, I may or may not have been out in the wind or had a glass or two of wind I mean wine….

  113. I haven’t tried to skydive inside but the Museum of Science and Industry in Tampa has a hurricane chamber that creates winds up to Category 1 hurricane strength. I never had a problem breathing, just a problem brushing my hair afterward.

  114. I can’t even breathe if my husband is breathing on me when I’m trying to sleep, I doubt I could deal with wind. In fact, I usually wear a scarf on windy days to block the wind, so I think it is a real problem. Now that you have everyone thinking about it, I’ll bet no one will be able to breathe with wind on their face. You don’t realize it’s a problem until you think about it.

  115. This absolutely happens to me. I have described it as drowning from air. I feel like a moron but there it is.

  116. This exact sensation was described in an article I read yesterday! About halfway down: “It’s like if you stick your head out the window of a moving car, you can breathe in through your nose and feel the air moving through there, but I almost get anxious, because the air seems like it’s so poorly moving through the nose.” So even though I have no idea what you’re talking about, clearly you’re not alone.

  117. Great. Guess what’s going to keep my insomnia alive tonight …

  118. Wait, how do we know for sure people who died in a skydiving accident didn’t have trouble with their chutes or have cardiac failure because they couldn’t breath? I mean, it’s not like we can ask them.

  119. I can’t either. My husband has sleep apnea and has to use a cpap machine. I put the mask on once to see what he experiences every night. DEAR LORD!!! The very machine that keeps him breathing felt like it was suffocating me. OFF!!! OFF!!!

  120. Your nose IS an asshole. Bikers & dogs know the sole purpose for wind is to stick your face in it and breathe deeply. You.Can.Smell.Everything.

  121. what if you shat out of your nose

    i’m sorry, I’m up way too late and I’m also on a sugar high because apparently eating 5+ cookies in one sitting is a talent and also a HUGE mistake

    I also need a break from school

    what’s a life outside of school again?

  122. I suspect this is like susceptibility to atmospheric tension at heights. I personally have a severe tendency to faint, as demonstrated repeatedly during my Outward Bound trip in Utah and Colorado to severe atmosphere. I warned my friend in Denver that I wanted to visit but I may faint, but it was okay, faints don’t kill, and to just make sure to get me some oxygen if it happened. She freaked out ,and didn’t remember it (big party) and I was fine, but it’s weird to have to tell people, hey, I might pass out for several hours at a time, with no warning, and also you literally can’t do anything about it. But if this happens, I probably mostly need to breathe, so if you have some pure oxygen, that’d help, but since you don’t, please don’t get a huge crowd pushing co2 at me.

  123. I have gone outdoor skydiving (jump out of a plane) and indoor skydiving (giant wind machine). It felt hard to breathe for a little bit but it has not stopped me from a skydiving again.

  124. I have no idea and I’m not sure how to test it without getting bugs in my teeth. I get ice cream headache in the middle of my spine instead of my head, though, and same thing – a few people online asking about it and no answers.

  125. I can NEVER breathe with a strong wind hitting my face! I thought it was normal!!!

  126. None of my babies can breath in the wind, or when you blow in their face. I think it is the same reflex that keeps babies from drowning.

  127. I’d have thought when you tried to breathe all the air would blow into your lungs and you wouldn’t be able to breathe it out.

  128. I jumped out of a plane and the free fall before the parachute opened and we were falling at hundreds of feet a minute, I could not breathe. It’s real and everyone who says it isn’t is a fucking liar. 🙂

  129. I’ve tried indoors skydiving for real, and I seriously got a panic attack in the middle of it, because I was suffocating. Or maybe I was suffocating, because I got a panic attack. Whichever way, it was a fun experience. 😛

  130. I stuck my head out of the window, going down a pothole infested road…[I live in kenya and the roads are PATHETIC] I was singing, TITANIUM by Sia n David Guetta, guess what happened…. A fly went down my mouth n added its crazy symphony to my sexy baritone. Totally stole my breath away.

  131. I can’t breathe in the wind. I have 35% lung capacity and have always had asthma, now I have the loveliest black mould in my lungs (Christchurch New Zealand earthquakes 2010 – 2012 house damage, very long and horrible story). My lung specialist said that it is normal to not be able to take a breath with wind on your face if you have lung issues, in fact even having someone blow on my face stops my breathing therefore all the lovely devices like CPAP machines are out of being a possibility for me. People who have COPD however love the wind on their face (bastards!). Can’t imagine wanting to indoor skydive it sounds like torture. I mean why would you???

  132. So my boyfriend and I recently tested this theory… There was a giant wind storm predicted with winds supposed to be strongest at about 2pm. At 11am we decided that although it was already windy it was an excellent time to walk to the shops (even though we have a car). It later turned out that the peak of the storm was at about 11-30am and we had walked in winds of 60km/h (35mph) with gusts of 120km/h (75mph)… I can thus confirm from first hand experience, high speed winds steal your breath away! It’s like the wind is moving so fast past your face, you can’t catch it…
    Maybe the sky diving needs to happen facing upwards away from the wind? Because it sure seemed a lot easier to breathe on our way back when the wind was not blowing directly in our faces but at our backs…

  133. I remember the panic of not being able to breathe but turned my head or tucked my chin and was able to sneak in some breath sideways or something. I have not tried this lately.

  134. For what it’s worth, in South Korea it is commonly believed that having a fan in your bedroom is extremely dangerous, as the wind from the fan could suck the air away from you and cause you to suffocate in your sleep.

    I can attest to the fact that this is not a reasonable fear. (Unless the fan in my bedroom is actually killing me every night and I resurrect each morning unaware of it.) But seriously, this belief is far from rare.

  135. I can’t breathe when there is a strong wind blowing in my face. I always hated going on fast boat rides because I felt like I was suffocating. I just assumed it was normal, and that everyone felt that way.

  136. Pretty Cool, Jenny! Congratulations! You broke the Internet! That ranks you right up there with Kim Kardashians ass! And I bet she’s really glad her nose isn’t an asshole? Well, I don’t know? She’d be getting more publicity so, maybe she wouldn’t mind that at all? Oh, forget the original thought process here. It’s gone. ADD strikes again!

  137. I went bodyflyinglast year and I am def alive. 🙂

    No, you are not paranoid. I am Zieschlerns boyfriend. 😉

  138. Dammit! I miss one day because we’re doing so much stinkin’ work on our house, and you break the internet with your nose wind?


    I may have gotten a few facts confused.

  139. I thought I was the only one who suffered with this! Nobody around me ever has the same problem and I think that’s weird.

  140. So, I’ve been sky diving 3 times in my life, twice in Australia where it is well, hot as hell and once in the great country of Texas, when it was coolish. The 2 times in Australia I was fine, had 2 great jumps! Here in Texas, it hurt my nose, felt like I could not breath….and I have not been again. Tho, if I went back to Australia, I’d probably do it again, just to test out if it was the heat factor (not because I was strapped to a hot Australian man)…….love you!

  141. I ride a motorcycle and it is way better to breathe through your nose than ride with your mouth open….

  142. The wind machine is a thing. I have a really cute video of my granddaughter doing it. They put a helmet on you so the wind is not actually blowing in your face. But that begs the question – if this is safe, why do I need a helmet?

  143. I think that’s why, when teaching a baby to swim, you blow in his/her face before putting in the water – so they will not breathe while under. So that would make it a natural response to wind in the face – you win 🙂

  144. I’ve gone in one of those indoor skydiving places and I definitely had to focus on my breathing to keep it normal. I think my body naturally assumes that the wind is going to be a dick and throw something in my face.

  145. I’ve always had this problem!! Wind hits me in my face and my body seizes up and I can’t breathe!! I always assumed it was a result of a traumatic childhood event, but maybe it’s our shared neurosis?

  146. If I ever did any of that crap, I’d be screaming the whole time. So I’m sure that would entail a whole ‘nuter set of problems, not the least of which would be that I’d alienate everyone who was doing it with me. So I’ll just avoid that sort of thing generally. I feel the same way about downhill skiing.

  147. I have bizarrely tiny nares, and have never experienced this. I wonder if how big your nostrils are makes a difference? New poll!!

  148. Umm… aren’t you supposed to protect babies from strong winds so they can breathe? How are adults different? Just asking.

  149. I have horrible allergies – so I can’t breathe like normal people most of the time. But in high wind – I start to suffocate and have to breathe through my mouth. And I hate mouth breathers….

  150. And remember ‘pushing’ your hand forward and letting it get ‘blown’ back? After your face got tired of making the mouth sounds from the ‘window-down’ wind?
    I also used to see how many times I could gag myself before actually throwing up.
    Those were LONG car rides with two sisters in the backseat of that ’66 Convertible Impala SS….

  151. I live in north Texas so the wind is always blowing. Until August of course when the temp is over 100′ and you’d kill for even a breeze.

  152. When the wind blows very strong, I do find it harder to breath. Sometimes I even have to remind myself to do it, so I don’t think you are insane at all.

  153. I tried one of those indoor skydiving things, and had no trouble breathing. I did have a problem “relaxing.” Apparently you float better if your body is relaxed, which means you are higher above the floor, which makes it harder to relax. Employees telling you that you MUST relax is also not particularly helpful. In the end I’m glad I tried it, but I wouldn’t go again. They took our pictures when we were inside. My husband looks like he is floating peacefully in space. I look like I am desperately trying to hold on to something and finding NOTHING BUT AIR.

  154. I’m starting to think your posts are somehow timed to correspond thematically with my life. Apparently my body has decided that oxygen is just overrated and that I can live without it. I’ve just learned that there is something called ‘exercise induced hypoxia’ which might be what I have. At first it was amusing to think that I have a medical reason to never workout ever again, but the amusement has worn off. Until the specialists work together (possibly around the time it starts snowing in hell) and figure out what’s wrong with me, I’m pretty sure that even indoor skydiving is off the list of activities I’m allowed to try.

  155. I would probably have a hard time breathing in the indoor skydiving thing, but it would probably be anxiety-induced rather than…uhh…whatever-the-term-is-for-what-you’re-talking-about-induced. Mighty winds freak me out. Too many repeated viewings of Wizard of Oz as a young’n, I think. Or, you know…general craziness.

  156. It sounds like waterboarding, only with air. I have trouble breathing when I drink water from the tap. Is that normal? Anyone?

  157. I always thought this was an asthma thing. I can’t breathe through my nose or mouth when it’s windy. I need a cowl like a monk from the middle ages, which I hold over my face to keep from dying. Well, dying from hypoxia. It would not prevent my dying from some other thing.

  158. “Yesterday I was talking to some (now estranged) family members…” You were talking to them yesterday, but they’re estranged now? I feel like we’re missing a dramatic story about planes, a missing parachute, unforgivable insults, and a bit with a dog.

    (Well they’re estranged now because they made me feel stupider than normal. But I’ll forgive them by tomorrow. I don’t have a long enough memory for estrangement. ~ Jenny)

  159. I never really thought of my nose as an asshole, per se. Just a big, huge ball of (I assume) mucus and cartilage that makes it hard for me to breathe. I assumed it was more of a survival tactic: only those who can fight for oxygen through plugged up nostrils are allowed to survive.

  160. I hate wind. Literally hate it… Makes me anxious, nervous. I want to crawl in my bed and stay there. Despicable wind….

  161. Zannah42 – Comment #197
    THANK YOU for asking!!
    Jenny, forgive and forget is always backwards with me, too…

  162. I have never tried to stick my face out a car window. Have I? I don’t think so. I did, however, put on a ridiculous number of miles riding in the back of the family pick-up truck (we were northerners, not hillbillies – no offense, hillbillies, not judging, just specifying) and I don’t remember turning into a mouth breather or dying from lack of oxygen, so I don’t think it’s a thing for me.

    Why do I only leave some ridiculous, rambling comments on YOUR blog? Is it you? Do you infect me?

    So glad you didn’t allow the internet to keep this important post from the world. Too random and good to miss out on.

  163. My nose is an asshole (figuratively) but for different reasons (allergies). Wind is cool with me.
    I’m sorry strong wind treats your nose like shit.

  164. I love you. You are the best. Making me laugh when i don’t wasn’t too. I can’t imagine trying to breathe through my nose with wind in my face. I think no. So you are not alone.

  165. I went skydiving once and the only thing I was surprised by was that it was hard to breathe during freefall. But I didn’t think it had anything to do with the wind in my face – it seemed the wind pressure against my chest was the the limiting factor. I noticed right at the start of freefall that my chest felt constricted and I had to focus just a little on breathing into my lungs hard enough to make my ribcage slightly expand and then I was totally fine.

    But I also have asthma so maybe this is why I felt it more in my ribcage than my nose.

  166. Beyond the obvious breathing challenges this would pose, it is simply unnatural to willingly zip yourself into a jumpsuit a la Schneider on One Day at a Time (minus the key ring…that would be dangerous) and pay for the honor of flinging yourself onto a giant fan in a public arena, hoping like hell that the fan in question — which is no doubt being operated by someone who simply couldn’t cut it on the high-pressure carnival circuit — doesn’t give out mid-float, dropping you to the floor like the corpse of what used to be a live person. I’d say your relatives should be grateful for your discerning questions…!

  167. I’m a little here but I can confidently say that I found it hard to breathe when I rode in the back of a pick-up going highway speed as a child and I put my face to the wind. (It was the 80’s we were more hardcore than today’s children – in that our parents didn’t believe in “Safety” and being “law abiding citizens”.) I assume that is similar to what you are describing. I would still try the indoor sky-diving though – in fact I was just thinking about it the other day.

  168. AGREE. WIND IS SO SUFFOCATING. But also I can’t smell when it’s too noisy, so I might not be the best person to offer an opinion on this.

  169. I live in Southern Arizona. Super strong wind in one’s face is like trying to breath into a hair dryer on high.

  170. I CANNOT breathe with wind blowing in my face. Never have been able to. Mom says as a baby she had to face me away when carrying me or cover my mouth as I would gasp and wheeze. I have suspected my whole life that everyone else in the world is lying when they say it is no big deal….I believe we may be related.

  171. This also happens to me, not ALL of the time, but I used to work downtown and the street corners get this strange wind-tunnelly thing happen some days, and I HATED standing on the street corner waiting for the light to change because I felt like I was suffocating!! I also HATED going for rides with my ex-boyfriend on his beloved Harley because I always had to have my head directly behind his in order to breath. It must be something to do with our nostrils – that the wind pushes your breath back in as you exhale, so you can’t take in a complete breath…. you are NOT alone!!!

  172. My boyfriend loves to skydive. I read this post out loud to him and now he’s just sitting at his desk staring at me with a baffled look on his face. All he’s said is, “I mean…yeah…”

  173. My nose also stops working when someone opens a bottle of isopropyl alcohol. I don’t know if they’re the same issue, but with the wind issue, I feel like I’m drowning, it’s scary

  174. I can’t breath with wind in my face either. And not even a strong wind, like anything over 10mph. I always thought it was because of my asthma, but maybe everyone is lying and it’s totally normal. Either way it sucks when it happens.

  175. I work outside and have felt that I couldn’t breathe when it’s windy, even to the point that it feels like the wind is sucking my breath away. Not a fun feeling.

  176. I got off a bus in a downtown with lots of tall buildings, aka wind tunnels, and I nearly choked because I couldn’t exhale into the gale-force winds hitting me square in the face. I had to turn my back and cover my face to exhale and then inhale again before I sprinted to the corner where I turned to could at a right-angle to the wind AND breathe. Crazy. It’s never happened again but I’ve never forgotten how surprised I was.

  177. This doesn’t happen to me…but I DO sneeze in the bright sunshine. And I can actually plug my nose with my lips. Very handy for swimming underwater; detrimental to my never-lucrative modeling career.

  178. Definitely not just your nose! I have been distracted in movies when somebody is traveling fast without face protection. Example? Umm…Superman carrying Lois? I mean, I know HE can breathe, but how can she? Or people on the outside of a rapidly moving vehicle. And hurricane reporters: how can they talk?
    I think this post should serve as a public service message (MAYbe with a different heading…) A lot of people canNOT breathe with fast winds in their face!
    Now I have to call my sister to ask about her skydiving days! (She’s made many jumps.) And yes, to somebody…I have the Top Gun song (You Take My Breath Away) going through my mind now.
    And now I’m scared of CPAPs!

  179. I live in Wyoming and we get crazy wind gusts, when it blows right at me it really does make me feel like I can’t breathe!

  180. Interesting. This is one concern I have not had, concerning indoor skydiving – possibly because I’ve been on enough speeding motorcycles without breathing problems. (Judgement problems, yes, because riding around on the back of people’s motorcycles, but not breathing problems.) I would be more concerned about my eyeballs being blown out of my head, or feeling as if they could be. Other reasonable concerns include the wind-controlling-wizard-people being unable to turn off the machine and just being stuck flying there forever, and by the same-physics-defying chain of logic, somehow getting launched out of the little wind chamber and hitting the ceiling. But breathing should be ok.

  181. I have no idea – and now I AM going to test this theory. But not by jumping out of a plane. Because breathing will be the last thing on my mind after I shit my pants.

  182. I can’t breathe through my nose OR mouth if there’s a lot of wind in my face. I feel like I’m suffocating unless I hold my hand in front of my mouth and nose to block the wind.

  183. I’ve actually been sky diving, and I have to say that you are sooo correct!!. The whole time I was falling (before the parachute was pulled), I was having trouble breathing. I kept having to turn my head to the side to breath. It was mildly terrifying. lol. However, once the chute is pulled, it is breathtaking in a whole different way. I’d do it again if it wasn’t so darn expensive.

  184. I did this with my family last year. The instructor had to keep telling me to breathe. I think it’s more of a hyperventilation issue, rather than not being able to breathe. It’s pretty rough on your back, too.

  185. We have iFly here in Dallas and it is pretty cool. I have not seen anyone suffocate while I was there so I think we are good. The fan is actually pulling air from the top rather than blowing air from the bottom. I found this out because I asked what would happen if the grate came off the floor and someone dove into the fan. After a very concerned look, the instructor said that the fan was at the top of the tube and not the bottom. My kiddo had a blast, but as I have back issues, I opted to stay on solid ground.

  186. Now my boyfriend is looking at me like I’m nuts when I’m asking him to drive faster while I stick my head out the window on the highway.

  187. Suffocation aside – if you’re going to try the whole indoor skydiving thing, don’t. Did it. We’re approximately the same age. The pressure that it puts on your skeletal frame is incredible. By the end of the six minutes, I was totally Princess Bride Wesley on the Death Machine at Level 20 wimpering. My daughter loved it though.

  188. Funny post. I totally always thought everyone had a hard time breathing when wind was blowing hard on them. I would see dogs with head out car window and wonder how they could breathe with wind in their face and look so happy at same time.

  189. My limited understanding of physics leads me to believe that this is because moving air has lower air pressure. Like if you blow between two balloons they’ll pull together because the air pressure between them was lowered. So wind in your face is lower air pressure than the air you normally breathe, so you’re actually getting LESS oxygen. And I totally can’t breathe properly in the wind either. Someone please correct me if this was just totally false

  190. There is a hurricane simulator at our local children’s museum. I went into it to show my daughter it was perfectly safe to use. Ten seconds in and I was pounding on the glass to have them let me out manually because I couldn’t breathe, prompting my poor daughter to have a fit because she thought her mommy was going to die. So yes, it is a thing to not be able to breathe in strong winds. I now avoid that area of the museum because I have traumatic flashbacks.

  191. I live in Chicago – multiple kinds of wind keep me from breathing. Having gone to school on the lake, there were many times in the winter that getting to class was an effort not to pass out from lack of oxygen. I thought that maybe I was crazy because I have asthma and my anxiety attacks take the form of my lungs forgetting to work… it’s nice to know that perhaps this is a form of reality and maybe not one of my flavors of crazy… or a flavor of crazy enjoyed by other wonderful people. Either way, I win!

  192. I’m totally with you. Any time I stick my face out of the car window, everything shuts down in the breathing department. YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

  193. while this doesn’t happen to me – i’m sure it’s a thing. proof of concept ? glad you asked – a similar situation is a scene in a book i was reading – Curse of the Nandi by Vered Ehsani. So unless you moonlight as an writer of African Paranormal Creatures & Curious Animals mystery novels…yes this is a thing

  194. Not only can I not breathe when there is wind in my face, I cannot speak. My head and throat go on lockdown and my swallow reflex is triggered with rapid-fire succession. My husband thinks it is HILARIOUS, and it comes on very suddenly. We will be walking the dog, having a pleasant conversation, when a medium breeze kicks up and -BAM- my throat closes up and I’m trying to swallow my own tongue. I have to hide my face in the crook of my arm or under the collar of my jacket to eek out a few desperate gasps.
    That being said, I have gone actual sky diving and was not able to breathe. The worse piece was, though my throat was clenched shut my nostrils were open like two meat parachutes on my face. I could feel the high-pressured wind whipping up them and whistling around through my sinuses with nowhere to go.

  195. I can’t speak to this particular wind+breathing situation. I do know that breathing while running in strong winds is hard. Not just the running bit. I feel like my breath is being swept away. Not the most pleasant feeling, but not suffocating, either. Not quite.

  196. I totally cannot breathe with wind blowing in my face. It’s one reason why I hate jogging. I also feel like I’m drowning and gasp and pant after I drink water…. At least we’re weird together?

  197. You didn’t put in the option “I don’t need to breathe”! You know, I’d say that qualifies as racism against ghosts.

  198. This happens to me on roller coasters! It’s bad enough to cut my scream off mid-drop! I mean, it’s not a big deal since the wind force is only strong for a few seconds, but I always wondered by everyone else could scream the whole way down and mine would go away after, like, 2 seconds.

  199. I cannot breathe if someone breathes/blows in my face, but I’ve never had a problem with wind. When my children “accidentally” breathe in my face, I tell them they are stealing my breath and to stop. I seriously feel like I’m suffocating, so I can feel your pain there.

  200. FWIW, this is the same argument that was used 150 years ago when engineers talked about building trains that could go 60 MPH. Some people were convinced that you couldn’t breathe in wind that strong and all the passengers would die of suffocation. They were wrong.

    Anyway, if you couldn’t breathe in an indoor skydiving facility, how do you suppose that actual skydivers breathe?

  201. I was just wondering the other day if I was ever going to try the ifly place near my house in houston and the I read your post and I was like holy shit why have I never thought of that my brain is so fucked up. Jenny thank you, you might have actually saved my life right now.

  202. Good grief, my motherinlaw & husband wouldn’t let me have the window open when we were driving with my then-infant daughter in the car and I thought they were loopy. Now I know they aren’t alone.

  203. I went skydiving as a teenager and I was so surprised that no one warned me I would have to concentrate on breathing. Practically missed the view!

  204. Strong wings aggravate my asthma and having the fan on while I sleep will make me wake up with severe flu like symptoms – stuffed up nose, eyes crusted and watering, and now, body aches and skin sensitivity (part of the fibro). But I’ve never liked strong winds or using fans on higher than low setting, it makes me irritable and stuffed up.

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