Victor: JENNY. COME HERE.
me: No. I’m sick. I’m dying.
Victor: You’re not dying. What happened in here?
me: I think it’s pretty obvious. A happy ending happened here.
me: I don’t know. I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t stop coughing and they looked lonely and it was 2am and I thought, “Hey. Look at all these great dead animals going to waste. Let’s make a family.”
me: I was on a lot of medication. Or not enough. I can’t even tell anymore. But look how happy they are. Plus, Dorothy Barker is totally into it. She’s the overly involved Godmother. Also, she might want to chew on the baby. Hard to tell with dogs.
Victor: I don’t even know what to say.
me: Say “Congratulations on your beautiful new baby, sirs.”
Victor: I’m not going to say that.
PS. 11% less dead than yesterday. Winning?