What did I even write?

LET ME LOVE YOU

Apparently Furiously Happy is in Turkish now because I just got a copy of a Turkish psychology article about it, but I don’t read Turkish so I put part of it into Google translate and it gave me this:

?

I’m not sure if this is an insult or just a poorly translated way of saying “so funny you’ll shit yourself” but either way, “Experience the subtle line between laughing and abdominal pain” is my new favorite blurb.

Also, Furiously Happy is being translated in Bulgarian and I was like, “It’s so strange to think that my stories will be read in Bulgary” and Victor was like, “Yeah.  Especially Bulgary isn’t a place.  It’s Bulgaria.”  But my way sort of makes sense because Calgarians are from Calgary so it would follow that Bulgarians are from Bulgary, but he must be right because spellcheck keeps changing “Bulgary” to “burglary” because even spellcheck is like, “What is even wrong with you?

Answer:  Lots.  But on the plus side, I can give Turkish people abdominal pain using only my words, like some kind of long-distance diarrhea-sorcerer so at least I’ve got that going for me.

110 thoughts on “What did I even write?

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Delicious Happy – sounds like a mistranslation I’d find on my local very awesome Asian buffet. I will now think about that, and you, every time I go there.

    Alternatively, maybe it just means you’re delicious?

  2. That’s awesome. I wish it had been available when I was in Istanbul back in 2015. I don’t read Turkish, either, but I still bought a copy of one of my favorite books in Turkish while I was there just to have it. Yeah. Kinda useless memento, but… I’m still glad to have it.

    And sometimes laughing does cause abdominal pain, so… maybe a good thing?

  3. I remember one time in elementary school, one of my classmates thought Ethiopia was the condition that made people’s hair fall out.

  4. I had no idea you were to blame for my chronic abdominal pains! Thanks a lot, Jenny! (Although, you’re worth it)

  5. I wonder how your other books translate? I know it’s in more languages. I wonder who is translating them

  6. I’m with Jess@NoPithyPhrase. I’ve got some requests for long-distsnce diarrhea that I’d like to make. You should market that ability. Call it Doo-Doo-grams or Inedible Arrangements. Another stream of income for you!

  7. Happy to delete, delicately happy, delicious happy… the important part is that you’re happy.

  8. Well my Dr has tested me for everything else under the sun and has no idea why I’ve been tortured with diarrhea for the past 18 months. So Diarrhea inducing sorcerer sounds very likely to me.

  9. cool!
    i am actually learning turkish right now (bc i live in germany and it’s about as common here as spanish in texas).. they have a very easy grammatical structure that must make the google translator worse: they can place words in almost any order in a sentence and it still means pretty much the same thing, just stressing slightly different words, like when we use italics.
    also he, she and it are all the same word.. you have to assume from context which english word..
    i bet “Delicesine Mutlu” is a much more interesting text to practice turkish on that what i am using..

  10. Melinda Green Harvey – I was talking with my children when they were young about their ancestry and where their father’s parents were from. I said, “Your grandmother is half Norwegian and half German.” To which they asked, “Where is Norwegia?” It’s not just your SIL.
    Jenny – You make me laugh almost daily. I don’t care if you cause me pain.

  11. this is great and it does make sense that Bulgarians should be from Bulgary. What does Victor know lol. And I am from Calgary so I should know 🙂

  12. Seems somewhat aggressive but it is a fair warning. I mean, if anyone is going to make me shit myself from laughing too hard, it’s going to be you. The people of Turkey have been warned – choose your reading pants wisely, friends.

  13. Years and years ago, there was a character in the X-Men comics named Plague, who could make people sick by touching them. But you’re giving people abdominal cramps from like 7000 miles away, so you would totally kick her ass in a fight. I hope they include you in the next movie reboot. #XMenOriginsBloggess

  14. When I visited Turkey and picked up some English versions of museum programs and guide books the translations had me in stiches…must be the source of the “abdominalpain”!🤣

  15. When I was little, I got a really bad stomach ache from eating a box of Turkish Delights. I think you have now channeled my childhood. Spooky.

  16. So what I wonder is this: when your writing is translated into Turkish, does it even make sense? I wonder if people buy the book, get through chapter one and wonder why you are even an author, let alone “delicately happy” – if the book doesn’t make any more sense than that description. They certainly may be “‘Happy to Delete'” – while scratching their head, wondering what the hell goes on in the USA.

  17. A quote from the Turkish article: ” You will have a unique taste that will literally swear at all of your knowledges, forget your memories, and make you happy to be delighted.”

    I have always been delighted when I am happy, or happy to be delighted. It’s the forgetting my memories I object to. But if I forgot reading Jenny Lawson, think of the delight every time I picked up her book Delicesine Mutlu.

  18. Shout out to my hometown! It’s OK here – but I really don’t think we should be the standard for anything, including what to call ourselves. Calgary is such a dumb name.

  19. I was afraid it was advertising delicious roadkill raccoon. glad to see Google translate is so literal.

  20. When will I learn not to read these at work? I’m crying I’m laughing so hard and I’m trying to be quiet!! I’m well past the subtle line of abdominal pain haha <3

  21. It WAS “Delicious Happy.” I ate my copy. It was a challenge, as I have the digital version, but I persevered because, you know, art and stuff.

    I haven’t read the previous comments, so maybe someone else has made the connection. Is Victor actually VICTOR CRUM? You know, the Quidditch player from Bulgaria? Because I think that’s how he knows.

  22. Let’s hope when they translate your book into Bulgarian, they start with the English version. Can you imagine what would happen if they used the Turkish translation? After a few trips through the ‘deciphering apparatus’ I’d love to read a version retranslated back into English. Oh the abdominal pain we’d have together!

  23. @Thomas (MJ) #XMenOriginsBloggess is totally a movie I would go see at the theatre. I hear the script includes a scene where Jenny rescues Victor from a bobcat, and the main villain named Jenkins is a real motherf#$%@#r.

    Starting the letter-writing campaign to Stan Lee now.

  24. Thank you Jenny…..I needed that laugh; that led to abdominal pain (the great kind) which included watering eyes of joy!

  25. Hello lovely Jenny! I am from Calgary! When is your book going to be translated into Calgarian? Just kidding! I have your Calgarian translation in my library and have purchased another half dozen for Calgarian friends so we can all laugh together….with you….not at you! Hmmmmm spell-check does not like the word Calgarian either, good thing we read and write in English hahaha! But your books just make us laugh…not poop our pants…..but they are so funny I can see the analogy! Luv & Light!

  26. And students still don’t get why it is obvious when they use google translate to do their language homework. With the bit of Turkish I’ve had to study I read your title as Insanely Happy, so not too bad, even with cramping and other side effects 😉

  27. Now I HAVE to gat a T-shirt printed that says “Long-Distance Diarrhea Sorcerer,” preferably in the most elegant font available.

  28. They missed it in Turkey. Laughing at yourself and circumstances is the best way to survive crap which we all have but you have a dump truck full of shit to deal with

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

  29. I spent quite a bit of time in Bulgary a few years ago. I had no idea it’s people were so lovely without the help of your book. It’s a credit to them, but I can’t wait to go back and see what an impact your book presence will make

  30. I’m from Calgary, too! Just like Anonymous, except I have a name.
    The Viking is from Denmark and he says things in Danish that can’t possibly mean what it sounds like in English. On the other hand, I say things in English that can’t possibly mean what it sounds like in Danish. This means that for approximately 45% of the time, neither one of us can understand the other. :o)

  31. I came close to that subtle line just reading the sentence, “Experience the subtle line between laughing and abdominal pain”

  32. Having power over people’s bowels is pretty much the most powerful power that you can possess. Take no prisoners. Make the Bulgaries move in way they’ll never forget.

  33. Embarrassing myself laughing in the airport right now. I was doing so good until @Robert followed @Thomas about the #XMenOriginsBloggess where Jenkins is the villain. 🤣🦃

    Oh shit, do you think the people of Turkey will be offended when they discover the villain is a rowdy turkey? Better call him a jumbo quail just so we don’t start an international incident.😜

    Love you funny fuckers

  34. “Diarrhea Sorcerer” is my new go-to answer for “If you could have one super power, what would it be?” It used to be teleportation, but now instead of teleporting to kick someone in the abdomen to induce diarrhea, I can just wave a wand.

  35. “Meeting readers to laugh at things which should not laugh at all….” It sounds like dangerous sport, when you consider the many things that should not laugh at all.

    Like paintings of your long-dead great-grandmother; gargoyles; surgeons, as they contemplate your inner recesses; cracked, peeling doll heads; or your image in the mirror, glimpsed for a terrifying moment right before the lights go out.

  36. Quick! I need a t-shirt that says “Long Distance Diarrhea Sorcerer” so that I can identify all other 1-Bloggess loyalists vs. 2- those other people. Responses from 1- “I know, right?” Or “Yeah, he he he” 2- “What?” “What does your t-shirt say?” “HUH????”

  37. Dear Jenny, I was in Mendocino,CA last week and saw a taxidermied raccoon holding a sign that said “Howdy”! I immediately thought of you and would gladly send you the picture I took on my iPhone if I could figure out how to do that, but since I don’t know how to do that, I sent the picture to my friend Kirsten who also adores you, knowing that she would totally get it. She did. Thank you for everything. You are a force for good in the universe!

  38. Former Calgarian here who totally loves Bulgary and can’t wait to buy your Diarrhea Sorcerer t-shirt when you’ve got it made.

    Now, here’s my question and I don’t want Victor to flatter himself, but I live in Victoria now, so should I be pronouncing it VicTORia as the natives do, or VICTOR-ia which sounds more like diarrhea?? Curious Canadian minds want to know!!!!!

  39. Damn I wish we could edit our posts here. The critical letter “a” is missing at the end of the word VICTOR- ia. Which was key to the whole joke. Stupid brain weasels! Carry on. Nothing to see here

    (Fixed for you. ~ Jenny)

  40. I have a Turkish friend – she will translate the review if you send it to me! It probably won’t be as funny as Google translate, though.

  41. I’m Bulgarian, so I can help with translating that one! Ah, after all of these years, my language skills are finally useful

  42. At least your spellcheck isn’t as evil as auto correct. One time my phone ‘corrected’ me, and told my bff to go to Uganda ( corrected from “You can do it!” ). And now, me and my bff have this secret inside joke, which people are like WTF when they see UGANDA pop up in the comments of my status updates.

  43. it’s so confusing! I still haven’t lived down saying, “Hungarians come from Hungaria.” Sigh.

  44. Delicately Happy makes me think of pretty things in a very attractive shade of shell pink…indeed makes me happy.
    But that power to make people poop their pants from a distance, priceless!
    Keep up the good work Jenny!

  45. My Guess is that “Experience the subtle line between laughing and abdominal pain” was trying to be “You will laugh until your sides hurt.” Then again it may be an idiom that makes no f’ing sense unless you are from Bulgary.

  46. And don’t even get started on why people from Holland, who are also from The Netherlands, are Dutch. Make up your minds you silly Hollandianetherdutchlanders!

  47. Being from Calgary…I am slightly proud that you know that we are Calgarians. Therefore…Bulgary makes total logical sense to me. You go girl. Listen to NO ONE!

  48. An English translation from the Turkish is required. We need to know what else your words are doing to people in Turkey.

    Also I got a phishing call from someone with a very strong accent that I couldn’t identify, telling me he could help me get my insurance to pay to treat my “bodypain. ” Now I understand! So maybe the Turkish version should come with health insurance?

  49. The perfection with which you capture the hilarity of word play is my FAVORITE thing about your writing.

  50. Hi Jenny, I was hoping you could help us out because we think you are amazing! I’m a part of a group that represents chronic pain patients that are fighting for the rights to access pain medicine. Everyday, chronic pain patients get closer to taking their own lives due to severe pain straight out of nightmares. They are unable to access pain medicine even though it helps and it’s sitting on a pharmacy shelf due to strict CDC guidelines.

    Anti-pain medicine groups believe that pain should be ignored and that playing harps in the hallway to treat the pain of broken bones works best instead of pain medicine. This is the future we are facing-draconian laws are being set into place and pain medicine is being denied to millions.

    We are begging you to post this petition on behalf of millions out here that are suffering which also include many of your BloggessTribe members that are going through this. Thank you Jenny!
    https://petitions.whitehouse.gov/petition/repealretract-unlawfully-generated-cdc-guidelines-prescribing-opioids-chronic-pain

  51. I would think “Bulgary” would be perfectly logical when the country of our beloved Bloggess fans is pronounced with a soft, Texas accent.
    Google says “добре дошли скъпи приятели” and I cannot argue. Welcome, dear friends!

  52. Hi! I just needed to say this to someone today. Life has taken a jig rather than a jag today – just an unexpected turn. It’s for the best and I feel sure it will be okay. But sometimes it’s just so damned hard to keep my chin up. Hugs.

  53. Oh my goodness! You are hilarious and I constantly find myself crossing the line between laughter and abdominal pain. And I thank you for that!

  54. Long distance diarrhea sorceress would probably make a great super duper long German word. Also I had some Turkish friends on college and from what they’ve told me Turkish is good for making descriptions that you supposedly can similarly do in English or translate well (I tended to believe the friend who told me this since she went to an American school there and sounded American and possibly spoke better English than me). So if it makes you feel better, it’s probably some super cool description that only makes sense in Turkish.

  55. I really needed to laugh today, and “subtle line between laughing and abdominal pain” just cracked me up. Thank you.

  56. Found Furiously Happy in a “Little (Free) Library” in my small town in Upstate NY, read it in one night, and put it back there the next day to share the joy. I laughed out loud on a plane back to NY from FL when I read your first book, so I had to read this one too. Keep writing, keep blogging and keep being yourself, because you help us all to realize that being our crazy self is OK, even when no one else gets it.

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