I bought a lipstick at the drugstore but when I got to the car to try it on I couldn’t pull the lid off so I tried using my teeth but there were two guys sitting in a truck next to me and one of them was staring at me weirdly so I rolled down the window and explained, “I can’t open my lipstick,” and he was like, “Oh. Want me to try?” and then I felt like I was breaking feminism by letting a man open lipstick for me but I also wanted lipstick so I let him try but then he couldn’t open it either and I yelled, “I GUESS THE PATRIARCHY CAN’T FIX EVERYTHING HUH?” (but only in my mind) and the guy was like, “I think this is busted. You should go get another one” and then his friend got out of the car and was like, “Dude, what are you doing?” and he tried to explain and the other guy laughed at us and took the lipstick but he couldn’t pull the lid off either and then he was like, “DUDE, THIS SHIT’S BUSTED” and the other guy was like, “YEAH WE ALREADY KNOW THAT, KEVIN” and he rolled his eyes at me like:
…and then the cashier from the store walked out toward his car and the two guys yelled, “HEY DUDE, THIS LIPSTICK IS BROKEN” and the cashier looked baffled at being confronted by a parking-lot gang of angry makeup failures who’d been bested by lipstick, and the cashier was like, “May I?” and Kevin handed it to him and said, “Good luck, buddy” but then the guy easily opened it because it was apparently a screw top (?!) and he looked at us all like we were insane, and the two truck guys stared at each other for a hot second and then they started hooting and pointing at each other for being shown up by the cashier and then I took my lipstick back and drove away.
That was the longest run-on sentence I’ve written all day and all that to say, how many men does it take to unscrew a lipstick?
Three. It takes three.
I’m having a weird day, y’all.