Over the last few weeks I’ve been feeling a little paranoid because a lot of the neighborhood squirrels have been wearing fake beards.
I considered tweeting about it but then didn’t because it makes me sound even crazier than normal but then my mom came to stay for the weekend and was like, “Does…does that squirrel have a moustache?” and I was very relived to be able to prove that I hadn’t been hallucinating all these squirrels going incognito.
(This video = me that time I tried to learn how to knit.)
Turns out that Squirrelly Temple (the squirrel that lives in our backyard) has been ripping fluff out of the lawn furniture. I suspected that it was a terrible disguise from Owl Roker (the owl that lives in our front yard) or maybe she was just trying to vote multiple times but my mom said that she’s probably just using it to make a nest and that this is a sign of a cold winter to come.
Regardless, it’s nice to know that I am not insane and that my destroyed lawn furniture is making the neighborhood festive as Secret Santa Squirrels cavort around the town.
Also, I just realized that Squirrelly Temple may have a penis so possibly the beard is simply an effort to get me to stop misgendering him but I don’t have a good male squirrel name yet.