Not sure what’s “traditional” about this, but I still love it.

So I got a couple of copies of Let’s Pretend This Never Happened in traditional Chinese recently and I love the cover but I just took a closer look at the back and it’s my favorite thing ever:

The front.

And the back:

That’s me with my arm jammed in a spermy cow vagina as my sister dressed as a giant hawk tries to pull me out and it’s all over China.

That’s it, y’all.  I’ve finally made it.

76 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Once you make it big in China, you’ve made it big everywhere. Good to see you have AI skills for cattle.

    Gaz recently posted Australian Wagyu New York Strip Steak by Sous Vide.

  2. That’s awesome. Lol

  3. That is some of the weirdest cover art I’ve seen. Epic.

  4. Doesn’t get much better than that!

  5. That’s the most wonderful thing I’ve seen today.

    babbsela recently posted Retired T Shirt I Know Everything About Everything Humorous Short-Sleeve Jersey T-Shirt by BabbselasDesigns.

  6. 6
    Heather Torrey

    I have to stop reading your posts at work. It’s hard to explain the laughter from my cubicle. 😆

  7. Seconded on what babbsela said above. That’s the most wonderful thing I’ve seen today!

    romcomdojo recently posted How To Succeed in Acquiring 5,000 Kittens (Without Really Trying).

  8. 8
    Mike Richards

    ‘My arm jammed in a spermy cow vagina as my sister dressed as a giant hawk tries to pull me out’ sounds like what you might get if you ask Google to translate ‘Hello and Happy New Year’ from English to Mandarin via the Icelandic.

    Congratulations Jenny, I think you’re going to make a unique contribution to East-West relations.

  9. […] sure what’s “traditional” about this, but I still love it. Site Link Tagged as Feedly, […]

  10. At least people won’t have trouble finding your book. This cover is so….YOU.

  11. What’s not traditional about your arm jammed in a spermy cow vagina as your sister dressed as a giant hawk tries to pull you out?

    theycallmetater recently posted Post-Christmas Blues.

  12. Nothin’ like being up to your shoulder in cow! You belong to the world now!

  13. OMG I love it! I want a teeshirt of that.

  14. Can. Not. Unsee. This…

  15. 15
    Lee Ann Perez

    I can only dream of such immortalization….

  16. 16

    At one point you did want a picture of you with your arm in the cow…now you have a drawing!!!

  17. 17
    Rebecca in SoCal

    Surreal. I understand part of it, but why is your sister dressed as a hawk? (It’s been a while since I read LPTNH).

    And what’s with the other picture? Throwing a cat or dog at…your father??

    So many questions.

  18. I feel like the arm in the cow drawing would be on one of those bizarre clothing items Amazon likes to recommend…

  19. I’m going to reread my copy of the book.

  20. 20
    Sara Powell

    🇨🇳 China 💖

  21. Well now I want to read this book more than ever. Lol. Got it for Christmas and waiting til all the crazy holiday stuff has settled down before I start because I know I will not be able to put it down.

  22. I’m SO tempted to share this with my client walking in the door. But do you think that will tip them off that I’m crazy, too? 😉 #TherapistDilemmas

    alchemistsheart recently posted Winter Solstice Tree and Winter Tree with Baubles.

  23. There’s a good limerick here somewhere, with lines ending in China and vagina.

    I’m just not sure I have the fortitude (read: enough wine) to put it together.

    OwnLessDoMore recently posted Go big or go home? Went big. Bought new home..

  24. Wow, talk about aspirations! There’s another thing on my list of things I could probably have lived without every knowing about!! 😉 Love your work!!!

  25. I don’t even know what to say except that I hope you bought the cow dinner first.

  26. Is there also a Japanese translation of your book? If there is, I’ll absolutely have to get it for my mom!

    introvertinmedicine recently posted Top 5 Highlights of 2018.

  27. Omg I love it. That’s one of my favorite stories that always reminds me no matter how bad my week is at least I didn’t get my arm stuck in a cows vagina. Ps the pic of the raccoon attacking your sister is amazing too bad it wasn’t wearing jammies

  28. OMG And is that your dad throwing the bobcat on Victor?! Yeah, best cover art EVER.

  29. Cue Laverne & Shirley music…

  30. It certainly screams comedy!!

    askyermom recently posted Christmas week at Smashwords.

  31. Congrats Jenny! Now China can understand the deep power of “getting stabby”

  32. of all the stories I’ve been told,
    the strangest one comes from the East;
    where a student brave and bold,
    was told to impregnate a beast.
    and that is why when I’m in China,
    I stay away from cow’s vaginas.

  33. I love this so hard, Jenny! You immortalized with your arm up a cow vag on the back of your book is the best thing I’ll see on the internet this week.

    Terra recently posted Out With The Old, And In With The…Old?.

  34. Raccoon! Oh!! Makes sense now. (I guess there are no raccoons in China?)

  35. That. Is . Amazing! I thought it was Beyonce at first and I was super impressed they were making Beyonce part of the cow story. I have to know, are you sending a copy of this to your high-school principal?

    knockingonfortysdoor recently posted “As you wish…” aka I finally saw “The Princess Bride”.

  36. The bob cat thrown at Victor was a nice touch. Those must have been the illustrators favorite chapters 🙂

  37. I believe I’m seeing an amorous Bobcat as well, correct? 😉

    You are just about the coolest person I know (and I know some pretty nifty people!).

  38. Best thing EVER. Now I have to go read the book again. For the 1,976th time. Goody.

  39. My book club is reading your book right now, and the how-did-I-get-stuck-in-cow’s-vagina chapter is my favorite part!

    Becky Weaver recently posted Becky After Anesthesia–Sneak Peak.

  40. 40

    There are no words to describe my awe. Your arm will be immortalized in Chinese Literature. You will be “Woman with Arm in Cow Vagina” forever.

  41. You now have options in the employment market, especially in China. Maybe only in China, but specialization is a good thing to have.

  42. I love how the front cover makes it look like some cool manga!

  43. Confucius say Bloggess arm stuck in farm animal vag cause Bloggess to yelp, “Holy Cow!”

  44. That is some crazy cover art!! But it does its job and gets people’s attention!!

    Lisa Orchard recently posted Gratitude in the New Year.

  45. The images on the back are so freaking fantastic

  46. LOL!! And yes, you have made it!!!

  47. That is definitely your dad throwing the bobcat on Victor and not your sister being attacked by raccoon. I must be a HUGE fan because I immediately knew exactly what was being illustrated. I will now listen to your audiobook, again!

  48. Will somebody please explain the sketch of the extremely large cat that is … um … on top of a person? Apparently whatever is taking place is enough to knock off one shoe and a pair of glasses. I don’t have any point of reference in my boring life to figure this illustration out!

  49. Hand in the cow va-China

  50. Your next tattoo?

    Lisa recently posted I hate when the landlord visits & my kid is suicidal..

  51. You always set the bar higher. Now what can any of us do to make waves after you have done this?

  52. Why is your dad wearing a unitard to throw a bobcat on Victor? I have so many questions. Besides the obvious bobcat throwing ones, of course.

  53. OwnLessDoMore: let’s see…

    Jenny’s book was amazingly fine-a,
    So much it was published in China!
    With her hair all in curls
    And her wisdom in pearls
    And her arm up a cow’s vagina!

     I'm not sure about the scansion, but I think I got the syllables right.
     And Jenny: did you see that China has landed a space rover-type-craft on the dark side of the moon? They're planning to send another. See if they'll send copies of your book (maybe with some flashlights) for the aliens I think we all know are hiding out there. This could be your biggest marketing opportunity yet.


    rfeiertag recently posted An October Kindness.

  54. Re: Traditional Chinese
    In the 50s and 60s, the People’s Republic of China had a government push to modernize the language. Anyone who had emigrated before then isn’t likely to be familiar with the new characters. And some people continue to prefer the old characters — particularly older readers who might not want to re-learn each word.

  55. Every time I think you’ve peaked, you prove me wrong, Jenny.

  56. A masterpiece, Ruth. Well done!

  57. and Trump says China doesn’t support Made in America products! BOOM!
    you GO jenny – or is it Yugo-Jenny ???

  58. Such a weird coincidence… a friend just came to our house last night and had us watching episodes of “The Incredible Dr. Pol” (he’s a veterinarian) and he was doing that exact thing to cows (only it’s up the poop chute) to see if they’re pregnant. Apparently you can feel it from there… thank goodness for shoulder-length plastic gloves, is all I’m gonna say. You can watch it on YouTube if you’re interested, and knowing you, you might be. Congrats on your book in Chinese! Funny, funny stuff, those illustrations!

  59. 60
    Auntie Linda

    Yeah, someone had a great idea: T-shirts! Of the front on the front and the back on the back! I want one! Good luck in China–it’s almost their new year there, in like 3-4 weeks. Books for everyone! Happy New Year–here and in China!

  60. #lifegoals <3 That is fabulous!!! I don’t read chinese, but my sister in law can, I think I have to order one of these for her, and maybe one for me just so I can show people I have the book with the best cover art ever! <3

    The Stitchress recently posted New bags for the new year! PLUS A SALE!!!.

  61. Since China will rule the world someday, and you will be as popular there as here, perhaps someday you will rule the rulers of the world. We can hope!

  62. The only thing I’m really missing is the squirrel handpuppet!

    mydangblog recently posted My Week 223: Amusing Museums.

  63. 64
    Remy Tankel-Carroll

    When did you learn to do bovine OB/GYN exams? Lol And who is that getting mauled by the cat?

  64. You’ve taken “big in Japan” to a whole new level!

  65. What a way to achieve immortality.

    Adie // The Cupcake Witch recently posted Sayonara, 2018, you prick..

  66. It isn’t everyone who manages to get backcover art like this, no indeedy. I keep seeing the reality this fantasy depicts, and it won’t go away.
    You’ve made it in China, bask in the glory. (The cow, to be honest, does NOT look happy about any of this. Who could blame her)

    judyt54 recently posted The Curmudgeon Returns T13.

  67. And your dad throwing a bobcat at Victor. I think this is only trumped by the book you signed for me with the Misery reference you put in the front. Thanks for that, by the way.

  68. Headline on CNN I just saw: “Five teens die in Poland escape room blaze”. See my last comment on the escape room topic…

    Marcheline recently posted What's a New Year without a little Withnail?.

  69. Well GORRAM. I think you’re now bigger than Firefly. <3

    Shannon akaMonty recently posted 'Tis the season to be...something..

  70. Not wanting to take away from this amazing achievement (and it is all sorts of cool and amazing), but traditional Chinese refers to the Chinese character script, and is used in Taiwan or Hong Kong, not mainland China, where they use simplified script. It’s rather complicated…. Anyway, nice cow vagina 🤣

  71. 72
    Cameron Sacarny

    Love the illustrations! Suggest one for each chapter; make all into traditional scroll art suitable for wall hanging. I really would like to know how your humor comes across in Chinese language and for Chinese audience — apparently it may transcend cultural boundaries….

  72. Congratulations!


  74. I’m so glad you included the explanation because I was that cow birthing a human while a giant chicken helps? lol

    Candy Keane | Geek Mamas recently posted How to Drink Wine Like a Mother.

  75. Not related to this post, but when I read this story on Ozy, it struck me as a story that sounds like one you would experience:

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