Celebrating. Sort of?

Today I was driving over a bridge near my house and I noticed that the water level on one side of the bridge was way down from where it normally is and I saw a fish splashing around at the end who was obviously dying and stuck in just a few inches of water way down at the shallow end of the river and I considered driving on but then I felt bad because what if the fish couldn’t flop over to the deeper water by itself, so I drove down to where the fish was but I kept thinking that even if I wade out into  the mud to grab the fish I have to be able to carry it to the other side of the river fast enough to not have it reverse drown so I thought I’d probably have to pick it up, run back to my car, drive to the other side of the river and throw it in from my car window and then Victor called and I was like, “I have to go.  I’m working,” and he was like, “You sound weird.  What are you really doing?” and I was like, “I think I have to give a fish a ride in my car and I need to have both hands free so I can hold him” and then he was like, “What” and I was like, “I HAVE FISH TO SAVE” but then I got to the edge of the water and I couldn’t see  any fish and suddenly a duck popped out of the water and apparently the duck had been pretending to be a needy fish and didn’t need my help at all.

Fake Fish River (Not the actual name. Probably.)

So, long story short, today I didn’t have to drive with a floppy panicked fish in my lap and I sort of want to celebrate that because sometimes I think it’s a good idea to celebrate all the stuff that didn’t happen to you.

Did you not sprain your ankle today?  Did you not get attacked by geese?  Were you not get arrested for public indecency again?  CELEBRATE.  These are all wins, y’all.  And you deserve them all.

 

149 thoughts on “Celebrating. Sort of?

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I love that you’re always willing to help a creature. If it’s dead then you still care with taxidermy.

  2. I don’t want to brag, but I’ve gone 37 years straight without dying once.

  3. I didn’t sprain either of my ankles when I tripped last night! Okay, so I really need to clean the house, but little victories. I take them where I can get them.

  4. I did not get caught in the bank robbery I did not commit! I’m winning this life!!!

  5. I don’t want to turn this celebration sour, but is it possible that the duck also saw the flopping fish and thought “easy lunch!” ?

    (Oh damn. o_O ~ Jenny)

  6. This perfectly illustrates why I love reading your blog, the fact that you were trying to figure out how to transport a fish to safety without it reverse drowning makes you a hero in my book. The fact you didn’t run screaming from the Duck, too, but that may be my intense fear of birds speaking there. I’m celebrating the fact I have to take my two year old to a last minute meeting and not a single person saw my bra. It could easily have gone the other way.

  7. You’re amazing Jenny! And you have no idea how much I needed to hear the message, to celebrate stuff that didn’t happen, today.

  8. I totally did not sprain my ankle today!! Tomorrow is another day, but today I am winning.

  9. Since that looks like a toxic algal bloom, it’s probably good that you didn’t have to wade it to save a fish.

  10. Did NOT punch anyone in the face today and considering the anyones that I encountered, THAT is a huge accomplishment.

  11. I’m celebrating NOT having to file a tax return this year! Yes, we are that poor, but very happy.

  12. I love this!!!

    “I sort of want to celebrate that because sometimes I think it’s a good idea to celebrate all the stuff that didn’t happen to you.”

    Sometimes we get so caught up in all that does happen that we don’t appreciate all that didn’t.

    Thank you for the reminder!!!

  13. I think it’s wonderful and brilliant that you quickly assessed the situation (albeit incorrectly) and developed a plan and were ready to jump into action even though it would’ve involved mud and fish stink and algae. You’re like a secret agent for imperiled animals! In other news, I did not throw out my back today, nor did I accidentally send a poorly thought-out email. Hooray for us!

  14. I didn’t lose a bet and have to streak through the office…again! Win for EVERYONE!

  15. Every day that isn’t a complete disaster is a good day right now. I’ll take it.

  16. I didn’t break my 38 year streak of being married to the same man! This shit is hard. Congratulations to all of us 😀

  17. Hi Jenny, well nothings going to top that “floppy fish in my lap as I drove story”. I got my work ID stuck in the elevator but I was able to pull it out just in time before some Final Destination movie scenario happened. Which would have only meant that the elevator in my building would have gotten stuck in between floors until security came to push the idiot button on the outside….so yep it was a good day!

  18. “Did you not sprain your ankle today? Did you not get attacked by geese?”

    Funny you should mention geese. I was walking my dog the other day, and in the back yard of one house we walked past, there was a rooster and a goose. (This is in Houston, by the way, near downtown. I see the occasional yard chicken, but the goose was a first.) And in fact, neither my dog nor I were attacked by either the rooster or the goose. You might argue that the fence around the yard should get the credit for the non-rooster/goose attack, but last I checked they were both birds and could have flown over the fence to come at us. So, I do consider it a victory that I have gone at least a week without being attacked by geese. Or roosters.

  19. The pessimist in me thought the same as Stephanie- that duck totally ate the poor fishy.
    But the optimist in me says thankfully we’re the top of the food chain, at least here in Texas…

  20. Celebrating that both of my kiddos went on their first feild trip to the zoo. I’m celebrating that I didnt get a phone call therefore hope they werent eaten by the tigers my daughter swore she was going to talk to. (4 yrs old)

  21. I didn’t get my headphones caught in the pottery wheel today, and a glaze kiln didn’t blow up and kill me, so it’s a good day!

  22. Contrary to what my stepfather with dementia believes, we did not get attacked by someone with a bomb last night. I’m pretty happy about that.

  23. Today I couldn’t get my bra on correctly. I got one boob in but the back was all twisted up and for the life of me, I never thought I’d be able to fix it. I was going to be late for an appointment. Finally, after a lot of swearing and giggling and falling over and giggleswearing some more, both boobs ended up in their appropriate cups. I am celebrating that today I did NOT have to explain that I got tangled up in my bra and that’s why I was late for my appointment! It is a good day!

  24. Today I noticed a tiny round indentation on the tip of my nose that I swear was not there before, and I was all worried that it was just another annoying bit of the aging process….but after reading your blog post I’m thinking I should actually be celebrating that I still have a nose and it still works well. Thanks, Jenny, for always being there to cheer us up!!

  25. I am celebrating that I did not shrink today. It rained on me, and I know what water does to wool. I was fully expecting to shrink, which would be very inconvenient. But no shrinking here. Yay!

  26. Today I celebrate the fact that it did not snow here in Massachusetts. My family in Minnesota is getting snow there today and are not too happy about it.

  27. I once didn’t have to save my baby from an aggressive bee. I picked up a kids book in the car to give her and this bee flew towards her so I swatted it with the book, but it just kept flying back towards her and I was desperately trying to save her from this kamikaze bee. I battled quite awhile until I suddenly realised it was rhythmic. Turns out it was a sultana/raisin stuck to the book I picked up by a long hair. I was essentially playing a heated paddle ball battle with a raisin. I really should clean the car more often.

    (This is my new favorite story. ~ Jenny)

  28. This seems like the definition of gratitude (which really is an important life skill), as always you’ve included a lesson along with a super funny story!

  29. I did NOT pee my pants today!!
    However, the day is not quite over…so crossing my fingers….and my legs!!

  30. I was thinking of you today – there is a facebook page you should follow. The Hairy Farmpit Girls are a couple who run a small farm in Georgia and sell soap and lotions and they have the BEST names for their animals. They have a pair of donkeys called Mama Ass and David Asselhoff, a chicken named Beth Amphetamine, and the newest baby goat is named Billy Baaaah Thornton. They also have a sense of humor that reminds me a lot of you.

  31. I did not break my nose today. (Have actually been doing something similar to this to find tiny positives through the times when I’m freaking out from remembering medical trauma from last year and having to get ready to have my gall bladder out anyway…)

  32. I do wanted to see a picture of you saving the fish…but I’ll celebrate your bravery to even WANT to save the fish. You are AWESOME.

  33. Irritated for no good reason this afternoon; oh wait, yes it was 91 degrees so that may do it. I was muttering under my breath about the Recycling Truck being late and heard them on the next street over. Decided to BE NICE and went out and took them cold water. I was rewarded by being told ‘you are so nice!’ I’m not always nice but glad I was today.

    Jenny, good for you for always looking out for the critters!

  34. My “win” today was being able to find a themometer that I’m pretty sure has never been used rectally on one of my kids, because I’m pretty sure I’ve got a fever, and that’s normally EXACTLY when you can’t find anything but the kids’ rectal themometers! Of course when nobody’s sick, you find them everywhere 😉

  35. I’m still cheering the fact that I wasn’t arrested by the secret service for having my service dog per on the carpet directly in front of the West Wing in the white house. I am banned from returning to the white house while trump is in office, but it’s a small price to pay.

  36. I’m celebrating that first paragraph being one long glorious sentence. WHY do we teach kids run on sentences are bad? It was beautiful poetry. Mahalo!

  37. I’m still cheering the fact that I wasn’t arrested by the secret service for having my service dog pee on the carpet directly in front of the West Wing in the white house. I am banned from returning to the white house while trump is in office, but it’s a small price to pay.

  38. I did a walking field trip with fourteen 4-year-olds today and none of them died! Me, FTW!

  39. I’m reading a book called The Gifts of Imperfection, and she talks about the every day courage and I’m pretty sure you are the most every day courageous person I know of. (Also, if you read the book every say courage is way better than the other kind.)

  40. I am celebrating that I did not get reprimanded for threatening to show up at work in a Tank top and shorts (80+ degrees in here!) Next step: Threatening Beach Attire Wednesday. Nearly nude Thursday.

  41. I have been sick for three months and was newly diagnosed with Crohn’s disease BUT I didn’t shit my pants today so…YAY ME!!

  42. It’s Canada Goose nesting season here. Any time I am not attacked by a nesting couple of geese, I count it as a reason to celebrate. Wine for everyone!

    PS: We strange folk call Canada Geese “Cobra Chickens.”

  43. I did NOT have an RA Flair today! YAY !!!!
    Also, I did not have to put on “people” clothes today because I worked from home. 🙂 double win for me ! ;p

  44. If you are bored, and craving weird information, learn about Mallard penises an how rapey Mallard dudes are.

  45. It’s Canada Goose nesting season here. Any time I am not attacked by a nesting couple of geese, I count it as a reason to celebrate. Wine for everyone!

    PS: We strange folk call Canada Geese “Cobra Chickens.”

  46. I think this solves my problem of not having enough “gratitude” items for my journal … 😉

  47. I saved a lost dog yesterday. Mostly because it tried to play with one of my cats and she freaked the fuck out so I had to rescue her first and then save the lost dog which turned out to belong to my next-door neighbour. Why didn’t I know they had a dog? I know they have two cats, one of which is a total freak, but not a dog. Strange. Maybe they keep it hostage in the basement! Maybe the dog wasn’t lost but trying to escape!! Geezus! Maybe I enabled dog-nappers and sentenced a perfectly nice dog to a doom worse than death! I’m going to have to watch these neighbours. They’re English. Is that suspicious? They drive a mini-van. That’s definitely suspicious! What kind of dog-napper drives a mini-van? Don’t they drive large white vans? I need to Google dog-nappers and their nefarious methods.

  48. I didn’t have an accident driving in the snow today after having my summer tires put on… because I didn’t go out.

  49. I did not lose my way going to a cemetery, requiring me to drive around in circles due to road closures because of a train derailment, arriving late, and ending up anxiously standing in a massively long line to attend to the wrong memorial service today. Yeah … okay … that did happen to me. But not today!

  50. I rode my bike down a road that had been under water. There were terns eating fish that got stranded when the water receded. Is this the opposite of your experience? I didn’t have an aggressive doe stomp her hooves to warn me off. Probably because no fawns have been born yet. Any day I don’t have a female deer staring me down is a good day!

  51. My dog didn’t chew up the rest of his frisbee – there’s still enough left for him to play with – yeah! And I didn’t not check this post and all the comments – so much fun!

  52. Today I did not have public diarrhea, and isn’t that really the best case scenario?

  53. This is hilarious.

    And I bought cotton batting on sale, which I count as a victory. I’m making a tiny alpaca and needed the batting to stuff him with.

  54. i managed to finish my taxes today, without screaming 🙌this yr. which is amazing considering the frustration and confusion😭😭 of the new form tax. tho thats a real accomplishment, rather than an almost one

  55. The duck would only eat the fish if it was small, so I believe there was no fish. I didn’t get lost going to a new client’s house which I consider a huge win.

  56. Today I didn’t embarrass myself in public! I didn’t swear in front of small children, nor did I mistake someone’s child for the wrong gender…the second thing happened to me twice and I wanted to sink into a black hole and die. They were super mad.

    What is with me embarrassing myself in front of parents?! Oh well. I’ll probably be a terrible parent someday. 😄😂

    Hip, hip, hooray! 👍👍👍

  57. I’m reading the post thinking about how afraid of fish I am. Like super afraid (I know there’s no reason it’s just my crazy brain) and I’m like omg I’d have to save the fish too even tho I might die from a panic attack just picking up the fish. So I was so happy it was just a duck 🦆. I’m celebrating ducks not being fish. Ps I have no fear of tigers and if one walked up to me I’d hug it. I should be afraid of tigers not fish but 🤷🏼‍♀️

  58. I would love to be a fly on the wall watching Victor talk to you on the phone so I could see his face! I love the way you think/write.

  59. Ok, so we can acknowledge that No Fish Were Harmed in this blog, because ducks don’t eat fish. At least normal ducks. Maybe there are ducks in Texas that eat fish, not sure, but you may also not have broken the law against driving while holding a fish, and it’s not clear your insurance would have covered that either, you may need to ask.

  60. I was having second thoughts about finally agreeing to a mammogram, and the drs office called today, asking for a reschedule due to faulty machinery.

  61. I got 2 lovely pieces of mail today from other members of Jenny’s Tribe! Hooray! Makes the day even better since I was already celebrating NOT rocking over my puppys tail when he got it under my rocking chair. A good day for both of us!

  62. Well, I didn’t need to hide my aching head in the pillow cave again today, and DID manage to go to work and get stuff done through the pain. That counts both ways, right?
    Also? That was one splendiferous run-on-sentence!

  63. Hey, Jenny – I love you; but I have a fish biologist in the family. Technically you shouldn’t rescue fish who are out of the water, for a good reason – most of the time “saving” them only makes their condition worse. In addition you don’t know whether they have some illness that beached them that is now on your hands).

    But it was a duck anyway, so you’re good. ;D

    And I didn’t fall asleep standing up in the management mtg today (though it was close). I consider that a victory. \o/

  64. My friends and I did not trespass in order to get a little closer look at an eagle’s nest (though we discussed it) and therefore were not arrested! Hurray! (Thinking about Friday, though!)

    Don’t worry. We would still be a respectful distance from the nest so as not to disturb the eagles. Unless the cops show up with sirens and lights.

  65. You always have the most interesting stories! Let’s see, I didn’t have an anxiety attack today. I didn’t have to clean up any dog-made mess because my dog did not get out of his cage while I was on errands. Oh, and the smoke alarm didn’t go off while making tuna helper, which is kinda a miracle because it goes off at the slightest little thing.

  66. I seriously almost broke my knuckle doing laundry Sunday because DOOR KNOB and LAUNDRY BASKET. I’m thankful I didn’t need 911 or surgery but it hurts like a mofo… so there’s that.

  67. I totally know Fake Fish River! Probably. Not.

    Still loved this. Thanks for brightening our day!

    I did have a lukewarm (why does autocorrect change that to Luke way?!) shower this AM but had tremendously great service by a local plumber and all is well before even going to bed! I feel very grateful 🙂

  68. I did not give up on getting my kid to Karate today even though we were having a mutual meltdown fueled by his horrible attitude when his blood sugar drops. I made the call and took him anyway and he had a good time.

  69. You have one of the wildest minds, and one of the biggest hearts of anyone I have been privileged to call my friend (no, we’ve never met, or spoken, or even shared more than a few words of text, but we’re friends because I like you. That’s how this friend thing works, right?)

  70. … well, I didn’t set anything on fire. That’s a lie, I grilled out, but nothing that shouldn’t be on fire caught fire. And I read a great book! 🙂 Seriously though, your stream of consciousness writing style keeps me in stitches. I even read this one to my husband and HE laughed. 🙂

  71. I’m four for four. I didn’t have to drive with a floppy panicked fish in my lap. I did not sprain my ankle. I did not get attacked by geese. I did not get arrested for public indecency again. All made easier because I didn’t leave my apartment today (but in a ‘planned rest’ kind of way, not a ‘I need/want to but can’t’ kind of way).

    Years ago I got through my divorce by looking for something to be grateful for every day. Often, it was just indoor plumbing, but at least there was always that. The day I lost my job, shortly after the divorce was final, I thought it was only going to be indoor plumbing, but was surprised to find I could come up with a fairly long list. (I did sprain my ankle somewhere in there, but it was healed by the time I got fired.) Come to think of it, I’m grateful that all of that is now years ago and not fresh anymore.

    Thanks for giving me all these reasons to be grateful today, Jenny.

  72. Look at all the glorious color in that picture. My eyes are hungry for color – – it is literally snowing for the second time this week where I live.
    I accept snow in the winter. I live in Maine. It is a fact.
    But MF SNOW in APRIL???

  73. I was on my way out of the house the other day, and saw something very small and gray curled up in a chair that the cats like to hang out on. I squinted and looked closer, but not too close, because dead mouse, got a paper towel and very gingerly picked it up and tip toed (out of respect for the dead) out the door to leave it in the woods for Nature to deal with, apologizing to the late mouse and telling it I hoped the cats hadn’t been too cruel, and bent down to lay gently on the leaf covered forest floor a piece of gray dryer lint. Which I picked up and tossed in the kitchen trash can, because Nature doesn’t need dryer lint.

  74. One of the things I really love about you is that, when I read your posts, you almost always make me smile. Sometimes you make me cry – in a good way – but, more often than not, you make me grin or chuckle or laugh out loud.

    You are fantastic and I love you. Keep being you.

  75. You are a beautiful riot, Jenny. Ear to ear mushy smiles over here. I’ve been there many times. Today I didn’t cry. Not that crying is bad. Crying is wonderful. Crying is essential. So, for a little back story, my mother (the one parent who I still have a relationship with) told me I am nothing but negativity, and my podcast (You, Me, Empathy—which is ALL about empathy and compassion and meeting people where they are) is also all negativity and that I need to shut up about my “diseases” (my depression, anxiety, anorexia), that I need to “prove” to her that I have cutting scars, that I am lying that her ex-husband abused me, etc. etc. etc. It went on like this for 20-30 minutes. I broke down and cried then. How can a mother not see her own son? Ugh. Anyway, I am processing it all, and will eventually be an episode of YME, but today (today!) I am proud that I didn’t curl up in a ball and wail to the sky because that’s not what I need right now. I need to write about the experience. I need to process it. I need to take this very first negative review of You, Me, Empathy and channel it into something great. Hugs!

  76. I love that you were going to try to save the not-fish. We need more people like you in this world!

    Also, today I didn’t run over any pedestrians. Win-win!

  77. Today I celebrate that I am still alive since yesterday I had a tent rod try to kill me by ejecting itself from the tent as I was struggling with putting it in and it hit my front tooth and bounced off of that and went for my right tonsil and tried to impale it to the back of my throat. I wish I had a video of it and the look on my face as I pulled it out….tooth still hurts, but it stayed in (it was a crowned tooth so it was cemented on) and my tonsil/throat is still tender but I do not have a rod coming out the back of my head which is a real “winning”!!!

  78. Even if it were a fish, it may have been one of those fish that can dry out completely and then come back to life when the water returns. Zombie fish — perfect for you! (Or maybe I just made this all up. But I think there really are some (very small) fish that evolved to survive in seasonal rivers and streams. Maybe in Africa.)

  79. I didn’t have to get my starter replaced (on my car – mine though could use a rebuild) – it was only the battery 🙂

  80. Last week I woke up in pain after I aggravated both my trigger finger (that had been fine for a year) and trigger thumb (which had been fine for 4 months). I have been doing what I am supposed to do and today my hand works. Today I celebrate not being the Supervillian “the claw”.

  81. Also, it has been many years since that deer bit me on the ass (no, not making that up. It actually happened.) So I’m grateful that it’s only a distant memory.

  82. I didn’t have a car accident and break my back (I did that three years ago. Every day I don’t break my back is a good day.)

    I didn’t yell at my husband because he didn’t want to take the dog to walk around the lake with me. I didn’t file for divorce because my husband didn’t want to walk around the lake with me.

    I didn’t get turned into a zombie because I’m a slow runner and probably not strong enough to stick a knife in a dead person’s head.

    I didn’t die today. That’s a total win #winning

  83. That whole not getting attacked by geese thing is a total lie. I was attacked by two geese, both of whom I raised with a loving hand. Why is it that no matter what, you always end up raising psychopaths despite all your best efforts?

  84. There needs to be a Life Achievement statue created and awarded to Victor. My design nomination is a small former-animal, who’s been bronzed and mounted on a walnut trophy base for the occasion.

  85. OH MY GOD! I received a phone call this morning, admonishing me for a thing I DIDN’T DO but also DIDN’T NOT DO, and so I was feeling pretty shitty, and when my husband tried to “solve” the problem with useless advice (when all I really wanted to do was cry for a minute while being mad at myself – for just a GODDAMM MINIT, A’RITE?) – we ended up fighting (over the stupidity of just being fucking human and the human tendency to beat oneself up for it, etc.)… and shortly after we’d resolved the argument, I got ANOTHER phone call saying, WHOA – HELL NO, YOU DID NOT do the thing I admonished you for earlier, and I’m so sorry I even thought to blame you!

    WOO HOO! I’m CELEBRATING THAT SHIT!

  86. I didn’t cut anything or trip or get a new bruise. For a klutz like me, that’s worth celebrating!!!

  87. I didn’t fart in yoga class after having a heap of brussel sprouts with dinner!

  88. True story: a few summers ago, the little creek that empties into the city lake was drying up and quite a few fish got stuck in little puddles with no way to get to the lake. My husband and daughter took a big cooler, filled it with water and rescued as many landlocked fish as they could, which we then drove down to the lake and released. I hope those fish are still alive and happy today 🙂

  89. Where I work not getting attacked by geese really is worth celebrating. We have a mated pair that make a nest on the roof of my building (don’t worry – it’s half underground) and the baby geese JUMP OFF the roof (on the half underground side). Those geese are MEAN!

  90. Biggest win this week: I did not scream fuck when a kindergartener riding my rolling chair rolled right over my finger while the rest of us were sitting on the floor in a circle. I also mostly didn’t cry. Oh, and this morning I didn’t run over a wild turkey that crossed the road in front of my car! Why did the turkey cross the road? No clue.

  91. Totally did not go down a slip and slide lined with tomato sauce and one long ass italian bread:)

  92. I so understand the plight you found yourself in. I’m glad it was a duck and not a fish. That would have been messy, lol. I believe we get extra good-Karma points whenever we can help out struggling creatures. I didn’t back over an old lady in a grocery store parking lot the other day, so yay!

  93. “I think I have to give a fish a ride in my car and I need to have both hands free so I can hold him.” Can’t tell you how hard I laughed out loud at this – both of my dogs looked at me like, wtf?

  94. My son got stabbed in the leg w/ a pencil at school so we use that as a gauge to how your day was. Didn’t get stabbed? Great day then!

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