Well that’s embarrassing.

For those of you following along at home I just finished my 17th TMS treatment this week and I’m feeling some improvement especially in anxiety and motivation but I’m still dealing with some depression so today they moved the magnetic coil around to a different location to see if that will help.

I actually would have said that I wasn’t feeling much of a difference in motivation but then I realized that this week three things happened that were a big deal.

1.I finished a new chapter in my book and it actually made me laugh out loud when I wrote it.

2. I easily drove downtown to look at a bookstore location and I have NEVER driven downtown on my own because driving in busy places terrifies me.  And when I got back home I was still okay and not a giant puddle of exhaustion and I didn’t need to recuperate for a day.  That seems ridiculous to normal people but trust me, it’s rather shocking for me.

3.  When I went to TMS I had my phone in my pocket and somehow my leg unpaused the podcast I was listening to in the car and it blasted a sexy improvised musical theater number across the crowded waiting room of the psychiatric center and everyone was staring at me as I frantically searched for my phone which was screaming, “BECAUSE THE ARROW IS A DICK AND THE TARGET IS A VAGIIIIINNNNNAAAAAA” (thanks, Off Book).  Then in my actual session I was wearing headphones because the TMS machine is crazy loud but I heard this weird noise and then I realized it was farting and I thought maybe it was the counselor who has to watch me and make sure I don’t have a seizure but it was going on way to long to be healthy and I was actually starting to be a little impressed/concerned and then I realized that the farting was coming from me.

Not from my butt though.  When I’m nervous I rub my feet together and apparently the fake leather of my shoes rubbing against the chair was making these incredible farts.  I have no idea how long I’ve been loudly farting-but-not-farting during my hour-long sessions but I suspect the answer is “Forever, you idiot” because the counselor was just taking phone calls like everything was normal even though probably the people on the other line were like, “Is she farting?”  And the me of last month would have been like, “Well, clearly I can never come back here and also maybe I should burn the building down” but me of now was like, “Honestly, if you’re going to be horribly awkward and do mortifying things it should be in a psych unit because it’s probably encouraging for everyone else around who is feeling like shit and needs a good laugh.”

The real killers.

And that’s how my week has been going.  You?


146 thoughts on “Well that’s embarrassing.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. You are so amazing and funny and wonderful, and I’m glad the TMS is helping you. I can’t wait to read your new book.

  2. I expect you’ve had many bookstore owners reach out to you since you posted your interest in opening one, because it’s an incredibly supportive and collaborative community. But if you need anything at all, please feel free to ask.

  3. by the way, you rock. and your accomplishments this week are wonderful. good luck with the bookstore location hunt. and keep farting – real or fake leather farting.
    big love,k

  4. I’ve got a pair of farting Burkentstock sandals. The sole separated from the shoe last Spring, and a bunch of water got trapped inside, so every other step I made this distinctive juicy-fart sound….but it was a small price to pay for such good arch support 🙂

  5. current quote loop in my brain “everyone says i’m so strong.. i’m really just so so very tired.”
    and i am. i just want to be done already.

  6. What a great, uplifting, funny, farty post. Thanks. I needed this today. #hopeexists

  7. I love you Jenny! So funny, but so honest and truthful. When I was young, my mom farted and it was sooooo bad that the dog came out of the room gagging! Thanks for bringing back those funny memories.

  8. I can’t wait for your new book. I am glad your treatments seem to be helpin 🙂

  9. My week has been one bad thing after another. Thanks for the laughs, I definitely need them right now.

  10. I’m at my desk trying to laugh silently but it’s not working. I’m making squeaking sounds and my office mates are like are you ok over there. This really is the best thing on the Internet today.

  11. As seen on the Twitter yesterday:

    Kait Feldmann @kaitfeldmann
    Apr 10
    Not to toot my own horn or anything, but one time I was at the library and a librarian bent down to shelve a book and accidentally let one rip, so I farted back to make her feel better (she hurried away but I’m sure she appreciated it). Just sayin: Librarians, I’ve got your back.

  12. Squeaky fart shoes are both the best and worst thing. At least your fart shoes are super cute. I’m super impressed about the downtown driving – I’ve driven there a handful of times, the first time was when I was visiting my grandparents at 15 and
    had my learner’s permit, my Gran decided there wasn’t any reason I couldn’t drive her to church. Let’s just say I didn’t need church after that drive and it’s in the trauma file of my brain, next to the shrunken head incident.
    All of this to say, I’m so happy you’re seeing improvement, I’m cheering for you and your farty cute shoes!

  13. I am dying laughing at my desk right now, so I’m pretending I’m having a coughing fit to cover it. You should call them your Fart Slippers!

  14. I can make fart sounds when the arms of the chair rub against the table – and I do it sometimes in meetings at work, just to make myself laugh inside!

  15. Haha! That musical sounds amazing. I love that you pay attention to your life and then share it with us!

  16. You bring joy and life to all! I’m glad things are looking up. My friend is starting TMS therapy and your posts help put his mind at ease. 🤗 💨 💨 💨 …just keep tootin’!

  17. Thought I was rocking the week professionally until I misspelled my clients name on a contract and missed a meeting that I had scheduled. But I’m STILL HERE

  18. I said “penis” instead of “peanuts” while interviewing a candidate for a job I have open last week. And then proceeded to try to say “peanuts” about 3 more times only to realize I simply can’t. I then just asked the candidate another question.

    And don’t ask how peanuts came up in conversation… they just did, ok?

  19. Well, my week: it appears the stabbing headache in the side of my head is not the onset for another stroke, but just a nerve cluster being a dick. So yay(-ish). No fart problems though, I have that going for me.

  20. I was at the chiropractor once and I’d had chili for lunch. With beans. He adjusted my back and when he squeezed me I farted.

    His response? “Ehhhh, whatever. We hear lots of body noises here.”

    I am totally shocked that this has only happened once.

  21. My husband just got a new Tesla. Scrolling through the fancy menus, he discovered the car is programmed to produce fart noises through the speakers. You can pick the kind of fart, and which speaker it will come out of to embarrass whomever you choose. I’m now a little concerned for my safety when I ride in it as the car was clearly designed by 12 year old boys. But, farts are funny peeps. 😂🍑💨

  22. It really sort of makes me want to see if any of my shoes have ‘qualities’ I’ve overlooked. I’d like to replicate the sound effects in public and what the various reactions. It’s like if a ventriloquist were combined with a whoopie cushion, don’t you think?

  23. I’m so glad you’re feeling better. Fart noises are universally funny, so I’m surprised and impressed that the counselor kept it all together. For some reason, this made me think of the Gilda Radner/Roseanne Roseannadanna bit where she talks about accidentally making a fart noise with her chair in front of Walter Cronkite. Unfortunately, YouTube seems to have deleted the original video from existence, so this entire reference was unnecessary, and probably confusing.

  24. be careful with thinking you must burn down a building in which you just farted – kaBOOM! i would call those ‘musical’ shoes. (beans beans, the musical fruit)……. So much anxiety inside. i SO needed that laugh. love you!

  25. From the outside, you look and sound better.

    I started reading when you were hiding in the bathrooms, and when I read that you had driven to look at possible places to open a bookstore and talked to complete strangers about their properties, I remember thinking “I wonder if she realizes how much better she is coping now?”.

    I know that from inside you may not see it, but it’s obvious to the rest of us.

    I also have the same shoes and next time I wear them I will have to see if I can rub them together to make a fart noise. You never know when that could prove useful.

  26. to: Billie Tigyore Lusk: of course you are tired. Being strong IS TIRING. you are actually doing better than you give yourself credit. keep it up. we are here for you too!

  27. My week took a drastic turn when the trip I was planning to go on for months, which was sunny, and with my niece and fun friends, and a fun team event complete with Will Ferrell costumes, was cancelled due to Minnesota asshole weather blizzards in April. I’ve been crying for two days.
    But my shoes didn’t fart. Yet. That would probably cheer me up a bit. I know your farting shoes and the progress you’ve made helped me to stop feeling sad for a minute or two.

  28. when I first looked at your post and the picture of your feet, I thought – but your shoes match – what’s the problem here…good job girl – it’s a personal goal – matching shoes, not fart noises but that would be fine too…

  29. I am a foot rubber too! I didn’t know other people did that when anxious. Sadly, I don’t have farty shoes that I know of. (Wow autocorrect changed that to “fatty” shoes, so judgement autocorrect!) So glad you are getting some relief from the treatment. Can’t wait to buy the next book.

  30. The 12-year old boy inside me thinks the fart shoes are FABULOUS and wishes I had my own pair so that I could make people believe I was farting all the time. Also, speaking of podcasts with hilarious things that would be totally embarrassing if other people heard them, please check out “My Dad Wrote a Porno.”

  31. Thanks for the hilariously uplifting and farty post! Glad that the TMS therapy is helping. Reading this post and others’ comments, I can’t help think that the title: “Farting Shoes and the People Who Wear Them Anyway” would make for an interesting something or other.

  32. I started some new meds a few months ago for a very (like 5ish years) long bout of depression/PTSD. This week I started a new job wherein I actually voluntarily leave the house and smile at strangers. This is huge progress for me as I haven’t left my house beyond absolute necessity for uh almost 5 years. I don’t know how long this feeling will last, but I am not doubting it and I am determined to not overthink it and enjoy it while it lasts.

  33. Fart jokes, even real-life ones – or maybe ESPECIALLY real-life ones – always make me laugh. Keep ’em up, please. And I TOTALLY understand about driving in busy areas. It is nerve-wracking and exhausting. Being able to do it without totally succumbing to exhaustion is a major accomplishment. You rock, Jenny!

  34. I absolutely love you and I’m so glad you’ve found therapy that is helping.. and that you’re noticing the difference. I’m still undecided if anything different is happening for me.

  35. Billie Tygore Lusk, hi, I see you. Yeah, being strong is tiring. You’re doing well, though, probably better than you realize. And tomorrow is a different day. I will be thinking about you. Hang in.

  36. Just want to say about the farting noises: I have never met you, but we are twins separated at birth. I love you so much, I will be the evil twin and you can be the good twin. Because you are good for my soul and spirit. Love your posts. So. Much.

  37. OMG that’s funny! You find the best in the craziest of situations. I can’t tell you how helpful you have been for me. I am currently undergoing a huge transformation (I am retiring so it’s a good one) that is causing me anxiety because it’s a new and strange and scary journey. The other day while colouring in your brilliant book: You Are Here, I came across the page with: “We all find the end eventually,” she said, “So why take the easy way when there are so many other paths to explore?” “But I’m afraid of getting lost,” I explained. “You can’t get lost,” she laughed. “You just choose a direction and your journey finds you.” I am envisioning the voice of wisdom is yours and there is so much comfort in knowing that that and I can’t thank you enough. You are wonderful.

  38. My psychiatrist also runs an addiction recovery clinic, and whenever I feel like I’m going to sound like a whiny pain in the ass patient, I remind myself that people getting off meth are probably WAY more weird and distressing than me. So if I tell him I have to lock myself in the bathroom and cry after any afternoon spent with a group of people, he’s not going to be that shocked.
    I guess my point is, people in the psychiatric care business almost ALWAYS have seen much worse, so don’t be embarrassed.

  39. I heard chapter of new book. Woohoo! My werk’s been OK except I picked the wrong career but hey it happens. I’m going to see family today so cool on that. So it goes. 🙂

  40. I’m so very very glad you are doing better, I’m glad the treatments are helping.

    …. As for me, I’m having a really difficult time right now because my mom had knee replacement surgery on Wednesday and will be in the hospital and then in a rehab place for at least a week and she’s totally my rock and my best friend and being in this house alone for an extended period is just really freaking upsetting and depressing and I’ve been crying constantly and then an hour ago I found out she’s now getting sick and they are doing x-rays to make sure it’s not anything serious (she had a small cough before the surgery so it’s possible it’s just a cold or something). And she’s upset and anxious and worried, mostly about me because she knows how hard this is for me, and I want to tell her to just focus on herself dangit but I can barely talk to her without crying so…. deep breath Sorry. Felt good to get that out.

  41. Stop it..I just busted out laughing at work while checking your blog when of course I am not supposed to be checking your blog at all. Funny stuff GF! XOXO

  42. Congrats on feeling better. I hate when random things make farting noises. It makes me want to over-explain. Then I just sound guilty.

  43. The last heart attack my mom had was at home. I frantically drove her to our local hospital, only for them to helicopter her to Indianapolis for a better hospital. So, there I was, a thirty something, big, black woman sitting all by myself in the cath lab when they finally opened up for their regular morning appointments.

    I was surrounded by nice, older, white people when one of my (white, giggle) aunts called me, causing my “Hairspray” ringtone to echo through the waiting room at full blast. “The darker the berry, the sweeter the juice…”

    I could not get out of there fast enough. My family could not laugh hard enough.

  44. And now there will be an incredibly expensive study done on the incidence of unrestrained continuous farting caused by TMS. Look at you, creating research jobs and all!

  45. “Honestly, if you’re going to be horribly awkward and do mortifying things it should be in a psych unit because it’s probably encouraging for everyone else around who is feeling like shit and needs a good laugh.”

    Words to freaking LIVE BY. <3 <3 <3

  46. Well this week has been a rude awakening to losing one’s full mobility independence.
    After heel surgery, and full non-weight bearing, I’ve peed on the floor twice in an urgent scramble to the toilet. Only to get trapped with crutches, clothing, bath mats etc.

    I’ve asked for my own little box at the side of my bed with the promise that I will cover over any indiscretions

  47. You have motivated me to finish a chapter! Thank you! Congratulations on driving downtown! I cab it in Chicago. Way to scary!

  48. Thank you for brightening my day with laughter and self-recognition (is that a thing?) Also, it seems to me you are making great progress.

  49. Farting – fake or real – happens to be extremely cathartic. After my open heart surgery, they made me pass gas, which I refused to do for 2 days. When I finally did, the nurse was like “THAT’S AWESOME. Do it again.” So I continued farting for an entire day, until I felt better.

  50. Aw have just laughed out loud to myself ( not done so for long time ) such a hilarious experience 👋😳😄😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂xx

  51. I’ve decided you need an affiliate link on your page to NeuroStar. Sure, the Timex slogan seems perfect but that’s a trademark so maybe, “NeuroStar- while it’s tickin you don’t sicken!”
    Also laughing at your own writing is the very best of all. When it happens to me it means the Muse got through all the mid-ocean drift of crap that keeps me from my bliss. Be well, friend.

  52. Locked myself in a port a potty and had to call the park staff my cell to get released. Turns out there’s a latch AND door handle (with 2nd latch) on the new ones.

  53. I had to quit wearing my favorite Birkenstocks on my teaching day because they make foot-farts with every step I take, and it is impossible to convince 8th graders that it was the SHOES, dagnabit!

    I am so glad that you are feeling some major improvement!

  54. This week has been MUCH better than last week was. I have a pet that is not for everyone, but I love him and he makes me HAPPY.( He’s a bearded dragon) Not that I have to defend myself here! Well,to make a long story short,he had a bump on his neck that shouldn’t be there. After TWO different vet visits and one surgery ,his bump was cancer. Then I had a friend who has been more a surrogate parent then friend tell me bad news as well as a dear family member who has been having medical issues of her own. So there’s that. I’m.so grateful for this community,and thanks for the card and postcards!

  55. When I got radiation therapy (which makes a similar loud clicking noise) they let me blast 80s pop music from a boombox. It would totally cover up the sound of your footsie farts. 🙂

  56. You’re a humdinger of a human, Jenny. DELIGHTFUL through and through. I’m so happy to hear that you found some improvement. Depression sucks, and I know it well, so I hope you find some respite from that soon. Oh, and comedic levity in the darkness??!! My marmalade jam. As for the week, not terribly considering the preceding weekend. I saw a neighbor walk past our house with a goat on a leash so I think that’s PRETTY DARN SWEET. Hugs! xoxo

  57. I crashed into the ground with my face last weekend and almost died and decided to use the anguish to make some positive life changes since I’m still here. Thanks for the healing laughs!

  58. My Dr put me on Pristq, which I didn’t realize was the insidious little sister of Effexor until it dawned on me yesterday that I felt tremendously shitty, yet still jussssst shy of feeling like I should play in traffic. Today I picked myself up, overcame my overwhelming exhaustion and general terrible shittiness and went out and got ALL THE THINGS done. I am proud of myself and tired in a good way.

  59. Loving the pink skirt (?) with black cats. Please tell me I can order it on Amazon?

    (It’s from eshakti but it’s a few years old so I don’t think it’s available anymore. https://amzn.to/2Dc7Px4 ~ Jenny)

  60. A tree fell on my car — not just a branch — the whole tree. So that’s how my week has been.

  61. I think you should wear that head gear to that big horse race where all the women wear big hats. Either there or to a British wedding of some royal person. Just stick a feather in it or a kibasi.

  62. I can’t tell you what I do for a living, but a major project that was due to go live on monday, about which we’ve been fighting the project managers continuously for the past several months (because they called us in as experts, and then promptly ignored everything we told them), has suddenly gotten a one month extension. This means we’re going to be buried in phone calls about a website our stakeholders have been told they HAVE to use, and it AIN’T gonna be live Monday morning. The project managers cut ALL the corners, and then leadership found out, and they were like OH HELL NO, and we’re like OMG/WTF/LMAO/AYFKM and my new wallpaper at work is going to have to be that willy wonka grinning meme.

  63. I did not have anything embarrassing come out of either myself or an electronic device today at the pre-op clinic before my gallbladder removal in a few weeks. I would have been embarrassed if it had happened to me, but I would have laughed so hard if it had been someone else. Would have helped the anxiety, at any rate…

  64. I just started therapy last week. Out of the two sessions I’ve cried about five different times and the first one didn’t really include any deep shit besides mentioning trauma. The session yesterday was hard but (this shocked me!) I am starting to think “maybe there is hope”, like I felt a bit lighter after leaving. You seem to never give up and that gives so many others hope too so thank you!

  65. I’ve had shoes like that. I tried to walk a certain way so they wouldn’t fart, but always failed. So I just call them my Farty Shoes (kind of like party shoes) and hope that explains why I seem to have a really touchy digestive system!

    Jenny, I’m so glad you feel better, That means there’s hope for others who have mental health issues, too. And everyone needs hope. Or Farty Shoes.

  66. Oh lordie, that is the hardest I have laughed in a while! And then, reading the comments, I got going all over again. Sitting here sniffling happily in the aftermath… hee hee hee…

  67. Oh good lord, thank you for this laugh. it’s been a week and I needed it.

  68. The farting part of your story just made me think of when my boys were teens and would laugh manically about clearing a room. Thank you for the smile and just remember, everyone farts – either by their butt, armpit, or their feet

  69. I thought incredibly embarrassing things like this only happened to me! I would have actually run out of the waiting room and never to return and probably totaled my car in the parking lot from nerves. That takes balls, confidence, and unicorn powers to stay in that kind of situation. Kudos to you.

    The overstimulated exhaustion from anxiety…ah, I know it soooo very well. Wowzers that the brain zapper has really helped with that!! This may be something to consider for me someday. Thanks Jenny. Btw I’ve got to say-love your fashion sense. The dresses you wear are just adorable! I love dresses too ‘cause they are comfortable AND classy. Your cat dress is the cats pajamas. Get it?!? Ahahaha! Ahhhhhhhh.

    This week has made me punchy. 🤣😂

  70. I had my first TMS treatment 7 years ago and my severe, lifelong depression has been in remission ever since. Every week you will feel better and better. So happy for you!

  71. You made me laugh…it’s been a long week, Jenny. One of my coworkers (who works a second job as well) had a personal implosion and was out for most of the week. Then today, another coworker had to leave mid-shift to deal with a family emergency AND I had to try and heave trashbags like I was in some kind of Olympic trash-bag shot putting type event because the damn dumpster was overflowing and the only place the bags could go were on top of the other bags that were overflowing the dumpster. I’m lucky I didn’t have one break and spray me with old food. That would’ve sucked.

    But my house is clean right now, the laundry is laundering and I’m going to lay down on the couch with some microwave popcorn and “The Hate U Give” on Blu-ray which I hope I don’t fall asleep while watching (like I did with “Creed II which is frigging amazing. Seriously.).

  72. LMAO!! At least your fart noises weren’t actual farts. I’ve been a gas bag the past few days, tooting my own horn far too often. Congrats on your TMS progress. Huge!

  73. You are the most awesome of the awesome, Jenny. Shoe farts are hilarious. Love you! So happy the TMS is helping you.

  74. I have had a horrible, dark week of depression with a smidge of anxiety. I cry-laughed reading this. Thank you!

  75. Fun fact: when you leave the in patient psych ward without permission, the official term is to ‘elope’. Weird.
    Glad you’re feeling better!

  76. So, today I had a few packets of food to donate to the food bank, and the grocery store usually has a donation bin. When I went in I couldn’t find the donation bin, and so I panicked because I didn’t want them to think I stole the food, so I put the packets on the grocery store shelf, where they would go if the store sold them. Which they don’t.
    So now I’m all anxious that someone saw, and that I’ll get in trouble and I live in a very small town, so anonymity is not guaranteed.
    I need better panic/impulse control.

  77. You rank up there as one of the bravest people I know. Not #1cuz that is my daughter, going through stage4 breat cancer treatment. She had a double mastectomy last week. But YOU, voluntarily choosing to zap your brain is crazy brave. Foot Fart all you want!

  78. We have a bathroom at work that has incredible acoustics and it’s fairly close to an area filled with people. You can imagine what goes on on outside the bathroom as people think they’re relieving themselves in privacy: people are doubled over in laughter (we have a happily immature group of workers who love good farts.

  79. I think you missed one. You’re seriously considering opening a book store. Where you’d have to deal with people ALL DAY LONG. That’s amazing and awesome!

  80. It’s so delightful to see you feeling so much better Jenny! Terrific!!
    I peed my pants in WalMart today and kept shopping anyway. Just didn’t quite make it to the bathroom. I thought “WTHeck”, never did this before, so I just shopped anyway!

    This seems like the perfect time and perfect place to come clean about something I’ve kept to myself for a long, long time. When I was about 8, I was at my little BFFs house. Her family was having a rip-roaring time letting loose of … gas…farts … and talking and laughing about it. At my house, we were not allowed to ever say the “f” word and I don’t mean the one having to do with procreation. We were taught it was disgusting, it’s private and one should never do it much less talk about it. So, back to my friend’s house. I decided to be brave and join in the family fun and made some comment about a … fart. Probably the first time I ever said the word. But! Her mom began yelling at me and cursing me for using the word! I was so confused! Then she sent me home for it! Of course, I couldn’t tell my mom what happened. So, to this very day I have never, ever said “fart” again. It’s hard to even type it out! I am 67.

  81. God, I love you! You make me smile and laugh deep and good. You are needed by so many you will never know. ❤️CMW

  82. I just thought, Jenny, if you could switch out your tinfoil hat for one of a ferrous nature your magnetic head treatments would probably make it stay on even in a high wind.

  83. Ha, I’m sort of almost healthy now, but you know if I’m in Austin SOMEONE ELSE IS DRIVING. I’m directionally disabled, have agorphobia and mazeophobia. Leaving the house is no longer torture for me and I’m pretty sure street signs don’t lie, but you never know.

  84. Thank you always demonstrating courage, strength and resilience. You are an inspiration and you always make me laugh and see the absurdity in life. I am glad that you are feeling better. I wish you well on your journey to happiness.

  85. I’m in my 40s and farting is still as hilarious as it was when I was a pre-teen. Apparently, I never grew up? Driving is my #1 anxiety, so I’m super impressed with you not needing a whole day to recuperate. Yay for progress!

  86. Jenny & The Fart Shoes is the name of your new rock band, but only because I don’t think it would make as much sense as the name for your book store, even though we’d all totally get it.

  87. I am seriously considering ketamine therapy. I have heard that it has made a big difference for many people
    The only problem is that it is $$$$$ and not covered by insurance. There is also the new FDA approved esketamine nasal spray.

  88. I am seriously considering ketamine therapy. I have heard that it has made a big difference for many people
    The only problem is that it is $$$$$ and not covered by insurance. There is also the new FDA approved esketamine nasal spray.

  89. Glad you’re feeling better. However, I’m still getting sweet and wonderful notes from people on the list you had posted of people needing mail, and I want to send more cards. Is that list somewhere I can access it?

  90. I can’t tell you how much this comforts me: “And when I got back home I was still okay and not a giant puddle of exhaustion and I didn’t need to recuperate for a day.”
    Thanks for saying it and making me feel normal and quirky and funny (like you) instead of like a hot mess – you’re awesome sauce!

  91. I fell on my face in my backyard after watching a sexy burlesque show and look like I fought with a lion plus concussion; a couple of co-workers are annoyed with me because I don’t think swapping the beautiful room my class has been in for years for a dirty, darker room is fair; they keep trying to find new ways to ditch my health care options and RA is expensive; my daughter is almost ten and I’m pretty sure I’m failing; at least I didn’t break my teeth when I fell and I have a roof over my head.

  92. You’re killing me Jenny!!! Next time I’m at the dentist, I’m going to try and make fart noises to see if it helps relieve my anxiety!!!

  93. My week has been a horrible avalanche of anxiety. If I medicate, I cannot do anything. Your blog is what gets me through, one
    day, at a time.

  94. I am planning to go through with the TMS treatments (36 total) here in this little big town where I live and am employed. It is a last resort and the Doctor has 2 different machines. One is a Neurostar which requires 26 minutes and a new one which only requires 9 minutes. Since I can do either of these at 7:30am, I will not need to miss work (lucky me). I don’t know which machine will be used but I am hoping that whichever it ends up being will re-direct and re-connect my insanely non communicative neurotransmitters that are apparently useless and probably have no danger of being harmed as they don’t work anyway. Wish me luck!

  95. So glad TMS is helping! I just drove myself around back roads for the first time in years. I am a puddle of exhaustion and plan on hiding in a fort the rest of the weekend! If you care to answer, did you try ECT? Is it a similar stimulation of the brain?

  96. I want that dress! Where did you get it?

    I’ve had farting shoes before. They are the best. Right now, I’m saving up for a pair of old fashioned, white Keds, just like I wore in high school.

  97. I was out at karaoke for the first time in over a month after major laryngitis (which I am STILL fighting). And I went in the men’s room to test the voice a little before my turn. I sang for about 30 seconds, then started giving myself a pep talk when a voice from the stall said, “It was great. Now can I take my dump in peace, please?”

  98. It’s wonderful how recovery sometimes looks so remarkably unremarkable. It’s doing things without thinking of them as things and then realizing how impossible they would have been under the weight of depression.
    Thank-you for sharing this, I hope you have many many more realizations of the things you are doing as if they weren’t things

  99. The TMS clinic chose just the right name plate for you Jenny: NeuroStar. No brighter star in our sky than you. So grateful for the twinkle in your eye and heart, and for all the warm light you furiously shine on those around you.

  100. I am so happy your treatments are helping. You have so much love and support here and we’re all pulling for you. Stay strong and keep on keeping on!

  101. Just saw a T-shirt on Etsy: Be Fearless. Fart as loud as your anus will allow. Love your humor and as a 66 year old Nana with a 12 year old sense of humor, you speak to me.

  102. You make me laugh. Hate farting shoes or shoes that fart…whichever. I’m b.c vsure someone was entertained. Glad you are feeling better.

  103. I am monitoring my students as they’re taking a test, and I laughed OUT LOUD during their testing at the farting part of the story… and then I remembered that I discovered this blog about 10 years ago ALSO while I was monitoring students taking a test. The first post I ever read was about Copernicus the taxidermied monkey you bought. This is bringing me a lot of joy today, and that doesn’t happen for me at work much, as I have a VERY difficult group of 9th graders this year who don’t often give me much to smile about.

  104. Dunno about you, Jenny, but I’ve never met a fart joke I didn’t like!

  105. I’ve just had my 16th treatment and have been re-reading these old TMS posts to compare since I don’t have anyone I know personally to talk about it. This makes me feel optimistic about my treatment. I’ve had one day where I found myself looking forward to my tutoring job and working on a cross stitch for my roommate. It hasn’t happened since (that was a few days ago) but it gave me some hope and is a big deal! Even if I, also, would’ve said I wasn’t noticing much of a difference. I’ve got a check-in with my TMS psychiatrist tomorrow so we’ll see if they adjust the coils like you’ve talked about. Thanks for your blog and for your books. I hope you have some smiles today. 🙂 Can’t wait to read Broken!

  106. I’m starting TMS next week and my friend showed me this blog. AND you mention Off Book right off the bat, so I know we’re best friends already.

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