This isn’t a real post but it’s a nice one

So today was my last day of TMS treatment.  40+ hours in the chair.  And I think?  I think maybe I’m in remission from my depression?  I’m afraid to say it out loud in case I jinx it all but I feel good and I’ve felt good for a few weeks, which is a long time for me to go without a depressive funk.  It’s probably not forever, but it’s something…and I’ll take it.

In the last month I’ve worked on my book.  I’ve left the house.  I’ve answered emails and phone calls.  Victor and Hailey usually travel without me because I’m not a traveler.  They’re going to Japan in a few weeks and Hailey asked if I’d come with them this time.  And I said yes.  I’ve already warned them that I’ll probably stay in the hotel and just read while they explore but even that is a big step and one I’m happy about it.  And scared about.

I’m feeling a lot of stuff right now…lucky, afraid, hopeful.  But it’s good to feel.  It’s a nice change from the exhaustive numbness of depression.  And I’m writing this down so that I remember that it’s worth fighting for the good days even if you know the bad days will probably come again.  You’re worth fighting for too.  I promise.

 

 

197 thoughts on “This isn’t a real post but it’s a nice one

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I’m so happy for you. I just made an appointment with a new psychiatrist based on my therapist’s recommendation because I’ve been in a funkier funk lately. It’s so nice to read about you doing well, and gives me hope. 🙂

  2. Hurray! So happy for you. Trying to dig my way out of that hole as well, it’s been 6 months this time around and just doesn’t seem to want to quit.

  3. You go girl!!! You have hope and that above all is the most important thing. Even if all you do is stay in the hotel and read, you’ve accomplished more than you had before!

  4. Scrambled Depression = I Pressed On. <3 That’s what you’re doing and you’re LIVING and ain’t it grand?? 🙂 I am so joyful for you, and proud of you, and loving you.

  5. Thank you. Reminder received and appreciated! I’m going on a little vacation this weekend with a dear friend who I met through your Bloggess Pals on Facebook. I wouldn’t have this precious relationship with her and her family without you. “Thank you” doesn’t cover it, but it is something. Merci!

  6. This is about the most real post, ever. I’ve been in a deep, dark hole, and having to “fake it til I make it” is exhausting. You are a beacon of hope.

  7. Yay!! I’m happy for you, and glad the little dwarf drills have helped you.

  8. It’s been many years since I went to Tokyo and I get your mood, but there are toy stores you might be interested in, and toys are always worth an adventure.

  9. I am so happy for you. You are doing good things by taking care of yourself.

  10. I’m so happy for you. This made me cry. Have a good time on your trip. And thank you for giving me hope.

  11. Feeling is good! Keep the feels going, and keep being true to you. What a great thing to travel to Japan (again)! Think of all the fun and funny things you’ll get to share with Hailey! So, so happy for you and whatever hard earned progress you’ve achieved!

  12. Hey, bloggessian Annette – I got your 2nd postcard day before yesterday. Thank you SO much!!

  13. Congratulations!!! This is a big step for you……on another point now that you are Principal, Teacher, Janitor and Librarian, why don’t you scratch your itch for a bookstore by assigning books for us to read, and maybe asking for recommendations and we can send in little book reports….
    Just a suggestion……

  14. High fives to you! I hope the toilet in the hotel is not as… unique… as the one in Furiously Happy! LOL (and if it is, please take a pic?) 🙂

  15. That is fantastic! I was fortunate enough to have had 30 treatment sessions of rTMS and think I am improved too…not happy per se, but hopeful which I will take..

  16. Days like today I need good things. I’ll coast on your good things. My mom is in ICU. I drive to see her over an hour one way. I get there and my two sisters are there. They have gotten matching sister tattoos. They stood and chatted together. I spent two hours with my thumb up my ass feeling like an asshole. Then I left because I just could not handle any more of their little in jokes. Oh, I also found out that all 3 of them are going to Florida as a family with the not my kids grandkids. And the only reason I found out is they want my kid to house sit my mom’s pets. Fuck my life right now.

  17. You talk about the things we’re afraid to discuss, and while you may not be miraculously cured, your improvement gives us hope! <3

  18. What do you mean this is not a ‘real’ post? This is about a real as it gets! Thank you for sharing and best wishes for a wonderful family trip!

  19. This news has brightened my day. Go to Japan, do what you can and don’t feel guilty if there are days that you can’t. You give me hope for the future of us all.

  20. I’m so, so, so glad to hear this. I’m so happy for you. That depression numbness is the worst, when the nihilism takes over and you sit there like, “What’s the point in anything?” I’m so glad the TMS has helped you climb out of the well and back into the sunshine. And Japan???!!! You have to go to one of those cat cafes! (If you’re up for it.) 🙂

  21. Jenny, I am so delighted that these treatments have worked for you. It’s good to see you stepping out of your comfort zone to go to Japan and at least you’re being honest with yourself about what you may or may not be able to do while you’re there. It’s a start, just going!

    You’ve provided people with a lot of hope, sharing your journey with your treatments and I want to say thank you for that. You didn’t have to go public with what you were doing, but you so graciously did and I think that was a tremendous boost for everyone with depression. Just knowing that someone is getting better is a huge sense of possibility for others. You’ve lifted many a dark cloud and that makes you something special.

  22. That’s great. Here’s hoping it’s a complete remission. 🥳🎆 Thanks for sharing this, it gives hope to us all.

  23. I sincerely hope that this is a real post. Maybe you just wrote that title so you wouldn’t worry about jinxing yourself. (And YAY!!)

  24. That is nice. I hope that this remission lasts a very long time. And I hope you enjoy your trip (even if you never venture forth from the hotel).

  25. As a rule, you just cause me joy. This post makes me really joyful for you! Seize the moment! I hear there is crazy taxidermy in Japan.

  26. Such good news. I hope you can venture outside in Japan, but if not then you’ll still have the fun of hearing Victor and Hailey talk about what they’ve seen each day.

  27. I’m so glad you’ve found relief! And 2 weeks is HUGE for people like us who suffer. I just told my husband the other day I’d pay a million dollars for one whole week of being “normal”. Not depressed. Not nervous. Not in fear of having panic attacks, especially in public.

    I hope your treatment is lasting. What a blessing you could get it. I can’t even get my insurance to improve half the meds my dr wants me to try, let alone something like that. Amazing! I’m so happy for you.

  28. You inspire me. Thank you for your transparency. Always be gentle with yourself, you are worth it <3

  29. While in Japan, you can always watch tons of Kung Fu movies and pretend you’re Leeloo. This way you’d also get exercise. Have a wonderful trip. The scary one are the best ones.

  30. so jealous! would love to go to japan. you go & do whatever you are comfortable doing. but, i bet you would get some crazy-ass photos of food & stuff there. plus their toilets!!! you might wanna wear & dress & pinafore, as you will probably feel like Alice down the looking glass….

  31. “And I’m writing this down so that I remember that it’s worth fighting for the good days even if you know the bad days will probably come again.”
    This!!! Keep fighting!

  32. Oh my gosh! Japan is so great. I just got back from there. We spent time in Hakone and it was beautiful – even from the hotel! Have fun!

  33. I did TMS back toward the end of 2018, and I’m also in remission from my depression. It’s AMAZING after so many years of horrible anxiety and depression to feel good on a daily basis! I keep thinking the other shoe will drop, but it’s been six months now, and I’m happy. There are normal fluctuations in my mood (because I’m human), but I haven’t been suicidal in over six months now. I can go to work without feeling like I have to take days off to survive. I’m going on vacation with my extended family later this summer and actually really looking forward to it. I’ve been able to cut back to therapy every other week instead of every week (or twice a week, where I was a couple of years ago). I’m only on one med (I was on 12 at one point). This life feels livable! I know I may need booster doses in the future, but I’m enjoying the present fully. Yay for both of us!

  34. This is so great! I just got back from therapy and feel so uplifted. Everyone should have a therapist. #treatyoself

  35. I’m so happy to hear that, I hope that you do get to Japan and that you have a wonderful time in the hotel. Japanese hotel buffets look amazing if Youtube is to be believed 🙂 Here’s to brighter days~

  36. So glad for you! That bear 🐻 must be bringing you good karma! Have a wonderful time in 🇯🇵 Japan, even if you just get to hang and try out a different 🛌 bedroom!

  37. Thos is a really important post. I’m very happy the treatment is bringing new light to your life.

  38. Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. — Confucius

  39. I’m in a similar spot today!! Months of deep depression and two weeks, with a new med, of suicidal ideation and numbness. Got off that med and have been on a different one, and in therapy, and I’ve had three good days. So, I too, am being Cautiously Optimistic!! Ish. I so want this to last!! Sending you love and hugs and continued Wellness. I have two mantras right now, btw: Depression Lies And Depression Doesn’t Own Me. It shows up, it moves in and tries to control everything but PUSH, I push it hard with meds and therapy and proper sleep and eating better and eventually I KICK THAT FUCKER OUTTA MY HOUSE…my therapist read me a poem entitled The Houseguests by Rumi. It encapsulated the experiences of my depression! Anyway, love and hope to all of us in the Bloggessvere!! Xoxox

  40. You are such a freakin inspiration and I don’t say things like that to anyone ever, possibly because I have a cold stone for a heart? Or else it’s because I’m awkward and don’t connect easily and I get sucked into the abysmal whirlpool of sadness all too often. Either way. Thank you!!

  41. I bet I am one of many many people who can honestly say you give me strength to keep fighting. When you are having a bad day remember how many people you help, and that you aren’t alone. We’re all in this whirlwind together.

  42. I’m in depression remission right now too. While I thrilled to see the light and have feel the feelings sometimes it’s too lighty and too feelingy. Working on finding the balance in therapy.

  43. Japan and it’s people are lovely. If you venture out, even a little, you will be rewarded. (My son lives there)

  44. Ooops: need to edit the poem I referenced is called The Guest House by Rumi!!

  45. As I am someone who understands the struggle with depression first hand, I am so happy to know you are doing well and that you press on even in the tough times. I know I appreciate your encouragement, positivity and example to others in pressing on and looking forward to good times and good moments. Everyone has a unique struggle, but it is so helpful to know you are not alone and good days do come despite how bad a bad day can be. Thank you Jenny and everyone else for sharing and being an encouragement, it’s so appreciated!

  46. Go you! When in Japan get some of the different flavors of kit-kat bars. A friend once brought me back green tea ones and I’m always curious about the other flavors 😀

  47. I’m so happy for you! And jealous that you might get to see Japan! Don’t forget – You Are Not Alone – your tribe is here, rooting for you, and trying to remind you that Depression is a Lying Motherfucker, and for you, at least, TMS seems to WORK! Yay!

  48. Great news Jenny! I am so excited that you are writing a new book. You are more than amazing. I feel so much affection for you and all of the Tribe. It’s like belonging to a club but you don’t have to go to meetings or see people. Perfect for me.

  49. I’m so glad for you, and I hope the improvement trend continues! Enjoy traveling with your family. Even if you just stay in the hotel, you’re staying in a hotel in Japan and that’s awesome.

  50. I bet the hotel room in Japan will be pretty cool. Even if you don’t leave I bet there is some neat room service or really different hotel shampoos to experience. I love tiny hotel toiletry bottles.

  51. Thank you for saying so, but there are so many days I can’t get out of bed and feel totally worthless. I am excited and happy for you (hopefully) finding relief and thumbing your nose at this illness. Go to Japan! Enjoy the hotel room and the view from the window if that is what you feel like. Go out for a little walk if you feel like that. Whatever you do enjoy your wonderful family and know we are back here cheering you on. Sending Love, always. <3,<3, <3

  52. I wish there was a “love” emoticon for responding to this post. Hope is really small sometimes, but I’m really glad to hear that you’ve found some.

  53. As they say, you can’t appreciate the good days without the bad ones. I am so happy to hear you’re feeling better. Japan – wow!! You are brave!! Even staying in a hotel room, you are still brave. And I bet after a few days with Victor and Hailey telling you all their adventures, you will venture out a little bit. Maybe to the lobby. Maybe to a nearby restaurant. After that – who knows???

  54. Reserve before you leave to go to the Ghibli Museum in Tokyo. It sells out nowadays! I know you must have fans who can parse their website.

  55. You’ve put so many smiles on my face and drawn guffaws from my belly, I wish I could give back. All I can say is, you are wonderful and magical and genuine. You are not your depression; you are not your anxiety. I wish the best for you to keep them away. And I hope you have a good trip and find some really weird shit to bring back and show us.

  56. I miss traveling. Part is becoming poor (long story: a riches to rags one) and the other is me unable to walk or really move anymore. Enjoy Japan if you can: it was on my bucketlist before I ended up tearing mine up. I have a thing for Japanese stationery & stickers.

  57. Oh My God, Jenny! Can’t wait to see japan through your eyes! You are going to LOVE IT!

  58. Hope has wings and you are taking flight….yay YOU! Just remember, Japan is the favorite place to visit for David Sedaris. And I think it just might be yours, too.

  59. So glad you’ve been feeling well and hope it continues. Enjoy your trip to Japan. You might just surprise yourself and be up for sightseeing!

  60. This is awesome!!. Japan is AWESOME . If you can, before you go, watch “Lost in Translation”. It should be seen by on the big screen , but next best would be the biggest screen you can find. A very young Scarlett Johansson and Bill Murray, 2004. Lots of awards and accolades . Enjoy your trip!

  61. Enjoy your trip! I hope the hotel is amazing.

    You have a good thing today, and you will again.

  62. Hip hip Hooray you’re feeling better! 💖💖💖 you deserve good things Jenny along with this trip!

    Bourdain went to the Robot Restaurant and I think he actually liked it! It seems like a weirdo vortex-like all a cast of Sanrio characters, transformer robots and neon rainbows had a psychedelic restaurant baby. My kind of place! Might be worth experiencing if you’re up to it! Also Jenny… they have OWL cafes there… OWL cafes!!!! You can actually touch them! Eee!!!

  63. Halle-effing-lula, Jenny! Congratulations on being done, for sticking it out, for being SO brave, and for sharing feeling better with us. Love you!

  64. You can get a Blythe in person straight from the homeworld! Visit Junie Moon or Mandarake! I hope you love Japan, even if only from a hotel room.

  65. Check out Ron Ron in Tokyo. It’s like a sushi train only with unlimited desserts. And a. Micro-pig cafe opened up while I was there last month but it was booked solid for our whole vacation so you need to have reservations. . They also have cat cafes snd hedgehog cafes in Japan. Just seems like something you’d like. : )

  66. That’s AWESOME,Jenny! I’m on my 33rd Treatment and have 3 more to go. I’m also feeling better. I’m in Sarasota and my treatments are only 18 minutes long and have not been painful. They’re not supposed to be. Normally they would make a small adjustment should you feel any discomfort. Also, most insurance companies cover another 36 treatments after 90 days though if someone does start crashing again,it usually takes a year until it does,if it will at all. TMS,along with therapy, has a 75% Effectiveness rate. I have high hopes. I’ve been battling mine for 27 years. I’m doing mine at Comprehensive Med Psych, on Florida and they use Neurostar,which I think is the best device out there. I do hope we both continue to feel better and stay better ❤️😺❤️

  67. I am so so grateful that you write. Books, blogs, not-real posts, anything. Thank you for existing and for sharing yourself with us I’m super excited that you might go to Japan and I understand and I appreciate you reminding me about the good

  68. Omedeto-gozaimasu! I am so happy for you! Can’t wait for you and your family to visit us. You could stay at a Ryokan instead of a hotel and just lie down on a tatami floor all day! That’s an ideal vacation for us Japanese too;-) Sending lots of love from Tokyo.

  69. My daughter is in her second week of treatments. We both think – cautiously – that it is working. Yay science!

  70. Keep up the “good” fight! You can do it, you are amazing and strong.

  71. Oh please please please do another the Bloggess does Japan series! That is how I found you and I am truly grateful to have you and this community! Sue me I’m awesome! So very great. And so very great that you’re treatment has helped you (and others who follow)!

  72. I am delurking here to say that you have a big fan here in Japan who is squealing to hear you’ll be here! This is awesome!! If you need info on weird and funky places to go to (esp in Tokyo), I would love to help…

  73. That’s so wonderful, Jenny! I’m so very happy for you and your family. Have a wonderful time in Japan.

  74. Enjoy it and talk about it all you want! I don’t think jinxing is real thing, unless someone is typing this at the exact same time as me in which case…poke poke you owe me a coke!

  75. Good for you! I wish I could afford that treatment, I’d try it in a heartbeat. But the Effexor is keeping me sane for now, so it’s all good….
    Hey completely off-topic: I LOVE all the pretty dresses you wear. They are all so happy! But I don’t think I’ve ever seen a picture of you in jeans/shorts/pants. Do you not care for two-legged clothing? Or maybe the Texas heat is more tolerable with dresses? Just wondering if dresses are A Thing With Reasons, or you just like a cute frock.
    Love to you from DC!

  76. Such a lovely not real post.
    Glad to hear you are feeling.
    So grateful to you and you’re honesty.
    Hope your trip (and everything in between) is fabulous!

  77. Ok. Japan is a LONG flight away. Please get with your doctor about having xanax or valium to take the edge off. Just a flight to Maui from Texas had me going out of my mind with being claustrophobic plus the screaming babies. No offense to little frightened babies as they are having their own troubles dealing with the flight.

    But my son has been to Japan and the food is amazing there. It can be like living in a cartoon, there is color everywhere. I’m glad the treatment is helping!!!

  78. You absolutely have no idea about HOW MUCH you have helped me with my depression. Thank you for being so honest and vulnerable. I’m celebrating all your victories <3

  79. So furiously happy for you! Cannot wait to see pics from Japan! 🙂 This is completely a real post, and I thank you for being real. It is impossible to express how thankful I am for you and this network, a place where there is support without judgement and full of understanding.

  80. Jenny, for someone who is so good with words, you certainly can do better than “I’ll probably stay in the hotel,” and “the bad days will probably come again.” Have you ever considered speaking nicely to yourself? Have you heard of neuro-linguistic programming? (Advertisers certainly have.) Believing you need to FIGHT depression puts you in engagement with it. Stop beating that drum! I suspect your depression is a lot like Donald Trump–a bully who thrives on attention, even negative attention. Ignore it and maybe you can make IT suffer, too! (Here is where you can engage in some satisfying dreams of revenge.) And in case you think I’m being a jerk (oh, maybe I am, but even jerks have their purpose), June is going to be the last month of an 8-month process of eliminating antidepressants after taking them for 35 years, so I’m not unfamiliar with the whole scenario. Focus on one thing and one thing only: Excited anticipation of what can be. And thank you SO MUCH for all the laughs!

  81. So very very happy for you Jenny!! I hope it just gets better and better from now on! Big hugs and habefun in Japan!!

  82. I am also tentatively calling my depression “in remission” right now thanks to my most recent med change, and I know how it feels exciting and amazing and unexpected, while also feeling a little bit like it might be lurking behind a corner and waiting to take you out again. I am trying to concentrate on all the things that I can do to keep myself in this good place, as well as my 100% certainty that all those lies my depression used to tell me were not true.

    I am so happy for you!!

  83. YEA!!! Careful on the flights however. Jet Lag put me in a deep dive coming back from Europe last year. Doc gave me two anti anxiety meds and one depression med to take the day we leave and stay on until two weeks after we come home for our next long trip over the pond.

  84. It’s a good idea to take a snapshot the good days. In words. In a mental image. I always put on my favorite scent, so I can put myself back in the good day on a bad one just by putting on the scent. Just remembering there can be a good day can make all the difference.

    Kelley Jo Burke
    Kelley.jo@sasktel.net

  85. It’s a good idea to take a snapshot the good days. In words. In a mental image. I always put on my favorite scent, so I can put myself back in the good day on a bad one just by putting on the scent. Just remembering there can be a good day can make all the difference.

    Kelley Jo Burke
    Kelley.jo@sasktel.net

  86. OMG I can’t believe you’re going to stay in a Japanese hotel again. Hopefully no shenanigans this time because I hope good things for you, but also low-key can’t wait for the stories.

  87. I heard an interesting interview with Michael Pollan on his new book How to Change Your Mind and the benefits of magic mushrooms on depression, worth checking out!

  88. Here’s hoping that you will be able to travel. Even if you don’t leave the room you will have made tremendous progress. However, I’d leave Vin Weasel at home.

  89. It’s not just nice it’s WONDERFUL! Tokyo looks way to peopley for my taste, but the rural areas look like heaven. I hope you enjoy your visit!

  90. Jenny, first time replying, long, long time reader. Love everything about you, keep up all your good works, all of it! And so glad your feeling better 🙂 Real quick, I sincerely hope you do make it to Japan with your family and that you do find a way to make it out of the hotel. Some things you might find very freaky and interesting is Japan’s long, long history with haunted EVERYTHING!!! A bit of research and you can find history and stories of creepy interesting tradition everywhere! I so envy your family being able to take such a beautiful journey together, have a blessed trip!

  91. I loved Japan, but I have one piece of advice. Stay away from the desserts! They look absolutely fantastic…but I didn’t try one thing that I didn’t want to spit out instantly.

  92. I’m so happy for you!
    And for me – I can’t wait to see the unique things you find in Japan.

  93. I am more than elated that you have feelings and energy. Kinda losing those great feelings here. Doo happy for you!

  94. Thank you. I’m hiding in the bathroom right now feeling completely overwhelmed by things demanding my money and time and instead of eating a cupcake I decided to see what you might have posted. Thank you for sharing your highs and lows with us and making it ok to have highs and lows. Enjoy your trip!

  95. How wonderful you feel as you can accompany Victor and Hailey! But also wonderful when you’re not able, that the two of them do amazing things together.

  96. This speaks right to my heart so that I remember that it’s worth fighting for the good days even if you know the bad days will probably come again. You’re worth fighting for too. I promise.

    I am in the middle of my 6th seven-day chemo cycle. There are moments I think this truly sucks, and my spirits drop. And, then I read or hear something like you’ve written here, and it inspires me to keep on ‘fighting’. Thank you! <3

  97. Hells to the yeah!!! Take the days and “yes” moments whenever they come and hold them; they’ll keep you warm if the dark comes back.

  98. I’m so happy for you, Jenny! And…JAPAN!! I’ve always wanted to go to Japan, it’s definitely on my bucket list. I hope you enjoy the trip, even if it’s just to relax & recharge in the hotel.

  99. Wow! I hope you stay in remission. Have a wonderful trip to Japan, and tell us all about it. So happy for you.

  100. I hope you have lots of happy days AND you should love Japan. It and its people are unique. You’ll find loads of strange things to puzzle out. Take time to read any English printed on shirts, or cars…it won’t necessarily make any sense, but is very interesting. (“Happy outdoor time” on an SUV as an example)

  101. I finished TMS last week, amd though my scales said I was in remission, I wasn’t so sure. The small symptoms I was still feeling were frustrating, even if they were an improvement. Then I realized they were all the result of a job I’ve come to hate. I applied for another one that closes Monday. Please keep me in your thoughts.

    I may never have come to TMS, at least not so quickly, if not for you. Thank you for sharing your life with us. It means so much to so many. And I know we are all proud to hear you are doing so well.

  102. Agreeing to go to Japan is a huge step.

    One thought to get you out the door and exploring: you’re soon going to have a bookstore that needs lots of decorating. Just Imagine the Things You’ll Find Out There.

    (Come to think of it, that should be the name of the book you write about going to Japan to find decorations for your new bookstore…)

  103. I just came back from spending a month in Okinawa Japan. Please allow me to give some advice.
    1. to get a general idea of what something costs just move the decimal left two spots. if something costs 500 yen it is about 5.00 u.s. dollars. not exact but close.
    2. carry a small coin purse: any denomination under ten thousand yen ($10) is coins. I kinda felt like I was in the Renaissance paying for a taxi ride with coins. With all the vending machines the coins come in handy.
    3. three words used most often during any given day: Konichiwa (good afternoon), Daijoubu (it’s all good, it’s okay) and more than any other word I used Sumimasen (excuse me or I’m sorry).
    I hope you get out of the hotel room cause its an amazing place to visit and the people wonderful.

  104. MISFIT DREAMS – Fuck your sisters. I am majorly pissed off on your behalf. Tell them to hire a petsitter.

  105. Congrats on your remission. Thank you for recording your mental health journey. It gives me hope for us all. Blessings to you and your family.

  106. Go and enjoy Japan, it’s a great country with great people. Find quiet time in the parks and temples…even in Tokyo it’s possible to find time to oneself if you want. Or just wander the city alone, down the alleyways and off streets and experience the feel of the country.
    Enjoy!

  107. This is a REAL post. An honest & inspiring one. Thank you for keeping the faith.

  108. I am firmly of the opinion that you need more kimonos, even if you only wear them around the house.

  109. I wish you well in every way. I’ve been following you for a couple of years since my son committed suicide and my niece suggested your Furiously Happy book. I had few supporters at that horrible time and I’m glad to se how many supporters you have. How brilliant of you to start blogging. Not something I ever thought of. It’s been quite a journey but I’m finally doing well. I read Michael Singer’s “The Unteathered Soul” a few weeks ago and it has entirely changed my way of thinking. I can’t believe how much happier I am. Just thought I’d share. Thank you for your openness and gift of writing and wonderful humor.

  110. I just wanted to tell you that my mom is about to start this treatment. My dad is really worried because they don’t know anything about it, so I have sent them the link to all your TMS blogs. It made my dad feel reassured even before he read them. Thanks so much for sharing! I think you help more than you know.

  111. This post made me feel ridiculously happy and hopeful for you (and me)! I’m glad you’re feeling more and have recognized the progress you’ve made! Even the things you think are small are awesome! 🙂

  112. I love you, I’m happy to read the good news, and I’ve written a whole lot of cool shit about staying in Asian hotels over the years. I never made it to Japan, though. Let us all know what I missed. Getcha camera ready.

  113. Thank you so much for posting about TMS. I am starting tomorrow the MT and brain scan process and finding the spot tomorrow. I’m already a huge fan and you really were they only person that had continuing info on how it was throughout the entire thing. I’m scared. But reading your blog has helped. Thank you.

  114. Thank you for sharing about TMS!! I finished my second full run of 36 treatments 10 weeks ago. I did my first run on a Neurostar machine and that ended a little over a year before I did the second on a Neurosoft machine. I didn’t think the neurostar hurt, it wasn’t comfy sometimes but other times I fell asleep. The people with the neurosoft encouraged me to read and I rarely even felt like that was uncomfortable. I had been doing touch up tms appointments every 4-6 week so as recommended by the first dr, who’s been doing neurostar treatments for 10 years. (Touch ups not covered by insurance.) and since the second run I haven’t even thought I needed it until now.

    FYI, I didn’t start to think I was getting depression improvement until treatment 28 the first time. So if you’re here learning about tms, know that if can stick it out you can get huge improvements in that last bit.

    The part that was totally life changing for me was the anxiety protocol, they sometimes call it the “drip” . It’s not covered by Insurace but got rid of my crippling post partum anxiety in less than 7 treatments. I’d had it for 3 YEARS!

    I moved to this new place with the neurosoft on the rec of my psychiatrist who likes the machines and that’s they also did ketamine treatments there. Without ketamine since two summers ago I think I’d be dead. Ketamine + TMS has helped me feel more like me than I have inso very very long.

    Thank you for sharing this very real account of it.

  115. Thank you for articulating so well what I’m feeling locked in the exhaustive numbness of depression and anxiety, with wit, grace and reality. And thanks for your words of encouragement which touched me

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