I was looking at swimsuits at the mall but I didn’t want to try them on because I already hate myself enough and I told the lady helping me that they should have more realistic mannequins so that I wouldn’t have to try stuff on to see that there’s no way my boobs are going to fit in those skimpy things and the lady agreed completely in theory but said that if the mannequins were more realistic people would try to have sex with them and I’m pretty sure that’s a big jump but she was like, “Even the headless, armless, completely flat mannequins are getting groped and undressed every time I turn my back so I can’t even imagine what would happen if they were fully betitted” and I was a little sad for humanity, but also “betitted” is my new favorite word even though spellcheck says it isn’t real.
ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:
I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:
Flourish in Progress: (T)hug Life: Part hood. Part good.
Pregnancy Calendar at Alpha Mom: Amalah’s week-by-week guide to the miracle of pregnancy and all the various indignities that come with it.
Hyperbole and a Half Solutions and Other Problems.
Heather Mosko: Sharing the weird and crafty I find along the way as I research and write my next mystery.
The Mack Files: Digesting life in bite-sized pieces through the lens of clichés, quotes & “truisms”. Often irreverent, always honest.
Kieran’s Bullshit Humor: Not suitable for children, the sensitive or those hoping to get into heaven.
Candid Kay: A heaping pile of steaming good.
SNARK HEART: Subversive jewelry for trying times. Specializing in helping you say what you really want to say…in the prettiest way possible.
Talking Tatas: For the Love of Your Boobs.
Polly Morse Is My Human: Life as seen by Suki the Cat. Laugh until you cry.
David Thorne: So fucking awesome it hurts.