Come see me on tour without ever leaving the safety of your couch.

So last week the paperback of Broken was released and I did my first live book tour stop in literally years. We did it at Nowhere Bookshop (naturally) and it was also our first ever live reading at the store so it was terrifying on both accounts, but also amazing.

Please note Beyoncé the giant metal chicken staring at me from the back of the room as if she also cannot believe we’ve come so far.

(Insert mental image here of Paul Rudd saying, “Look at us. Who would have thought? Not me.”)

We kept it really small, which was nice for everyone concerned and it held many nice surprises including this gift from a sweet woman who thought I’d enjoy it, and she was very right. I assumed it was soap in the shape of a dental mold but later when I opened it up to shower with I discovered it as an actual teaching model and I was even more pleased and also thankful that I hadn’t tried to loofah up with actual teeth because that seems dangerous.

But if you missed that you’re in luck because I’m doing a free virtual book tour stop in conjunction with my publisher and a bunch of lovely places, and it will be the first time ever that I will be appearing in conversation with...Victor.

This may be a terrible idea but it will at least be entertaining. So click here to see all the places offering a zoom spot and then pick your favorite bookshop/library/foundation from the list to sign up and they’ll send you a link for next Tuesday night. Also, several of these wonderful places have special bookmarks or bookplates or other things that they’re offering if you also buy a copy of the book from them so just check their descriptions for more info.

They asked for a bio for Victor so I sent them this:

Victor Lawson has been married to Jenny for 25 years and still hasn’t figured her out.  Some would call that “keeping the mystery in a relationship.”   He agrees but would still like to know a few things, including why he just opened a box of eyeballs.

Jenny Lawson would like to clarify that it’s a box of old dolls eyeballs (THAT BLINK WHEN YOU MOVE THEM).  Not just random human peepers.  That would be ridiculous because real eyeballs need to be stored in jars, not cardboard boxes.  She would also like to point out that if Victor didn’t want to find a box of eyeballs he shouldn’t be opening her mail.  This is all basic common sense.

Victor would like to point out that the box of eyeballs was actually addressed to him and also wants to know why Jenny is currently in his bio rambling about human eyeballs in jars.

Jenny is reluctantly admitting that yes, the eyeballs *were* in Victor’s name but that’s only because she bought them using his ebay account because she’s forgotten her password again.  And also, it can be scary being a woman in the world who is buying a box of eyeballs from a stranger on the internet and so using a man’s name on the packaging makes it less likely that she will be stalked by some kind of eyeball-collecting maniac.

Victor is sighing deeply and considering pointing out that the maniac buying eyeballs on the internet is literally her, but is deciding that discretion is the better part of valor and is changing his eBay password as soon as he writes this.

Jenny is wondering if it counts as “discretion” if you actively mention the thing you’re supposedly not mentioning, but is willing to drop it because she is too busy making Victor a bunch of fantastic rings with blinking eyeballson them because that way he’ll see how amazing they are.

Victor is wondering if this whole event is a terrible mistake.

Jenny is certain it probably is.  A wonderful, wonderful mistake.

They did not end up using that bio because I guess people don’t want to learn about the correct way of shipping eyeballs, or maybe it was too long but I’m including it here because it’s a good idea of what you’re getting yourself into.

Click here to sign up.

45 thoughts on “Come see me on tour without ever leaving the safety of your couch.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Darn! I’ll be traveling on Tuesday night. I hope you record this! Thanks!

  2. Awww! My daughter’s birthday is on May 17, so I won’t be able to attend. I’m so sad! I would *love* to listen to you and Victor talk. I hope you’ll do it again soon! I love Victor’s practicality – it’s the perfect foil for your view of the world, making the sweetest couple on the planet! 🙂

  3. See you and Victor on May 17!! I am looking forward to it.

  4. The picture of you and Hailey is Perfection 🙂
    If there were a computer program that blended photos of a mom and dad to see what the child would look like, they would be the poster child for that program.
    Love your smiles – they are identical and heartwarming. Thanks for sharing your family with us.

  5. I absolutely can not wait!!!! I already have 2 hard copies to loan out, a kindle copy to highlight, and the audiobook for driving to dr appointments!

  6. I just signed up, I’m so excited! And we get to meet VICTOR!!! This is going to be so much fun. Of course I bought the hardcover as soon as it came out and I always buy it on Audible because I like to hear you read your books Jenny and I have them all. Please bring the box of eyeballs so we can see them… 😶‍🌫️

  7. This is the ticket of the century!! However, the Anderson’s link doesn’t work. I really can’t wait to watch you two together!!!!

  8. Having surgery in the afternoon that day, hoping I won’t be too loopy to attend–though a certain amount of loopy seems advisable.

  9. oh! Now I have to google each store and see which is closest to me. No locations on your linky.

    (It’s virtual so any one of them will work for you. 🙂 ~ Jenny)

  10. Love the picture of the group in Nowhere !! And yes will sign up for a zoom…… eyeballs, oh my.
    Good choice using his name for purchase haha

  11. Do you know if this will be recorded for viewing after? I have to work that night and so want to see it!

  12. All signed up to the one that is closest to me (Towne Book Center). Can not wait! P.S. are these eyeball rings going to be on sale???) 😁

  13. I hope you are going to record and post the event on this blog so I can see it, as I am busy that day. Congratulations on your first live book event in what seems like forever!

  14. I can’t wait for this event! It will be oh so much less freaky than the impromptu elevator conversation that I initiated. And Victor IS funny!

  15. I signed up Using the Magic City Books link, because I thought it was B’ham Alabama….you know, THE Magic City…….turns out that store is in Tulsa? Now I have a d—ed earworm “Livin’ on Tulsa Time” I don’t know whether to blame the book store or Victor. But it has to be somebody’s fault!
    Looking forward to this. Knock Knock Beyoncé!

  16. I love you so much. That’s the best bio I’ve ever read! Signed up and ordered the paperback version – can’t wait for next week!

    Next Tuesday is going to be an amazing day! A Mani/Pedi, then watching the second most adorable couple, in the world, do a Webinar.
    The only reason that you are the second most adorable, is because my Mr. Man and I are the most adorable.
    He is the Gomez to my Morticia.

  18. None of the bookstores are near me (Beautiful British Columbia Canada!) So I just went Eenie Meenie Minee Moe and picked one at random, Old Firehall Books! Can’t wait! I feel like I should gather the family around my laptop and listen like they did to those old timey radio shoes back in the day!

  19. May we please see a picture of said rings-of-eyeballs? This sounds both horrifying and charming.

  20. Can I just say, as someone who hates public speaking but has had no choice but to do so, that the short wall you got to stand behind would be so awesome! I never know what to do with all my body parts not involved in the speaking and hiding them would be so comforting! Plus, being able to lean… I’m a big leaner.

  21. I was going back and forth about signing up for this, because I was afraid I would forget despite so many reminders. But I decided that I just had to see Victor trying to hold is own against you in front of an audience!

    Love you, Jenny! I hope you eventually make it back out to the San Francisco Bay Area again sometime!!!❤️

  22. OhmygodIcantwait
    The last time I saw Jenny speak, live, was on her You Are Here tour and I was 50 months pregnant with my now 5 year old. This is going to feel so special! I may cry!! In a good way!!!

  23. I cannot wait to be there! It will also get me out of a meeting that normally goes until 5:15! This will be fabulous.

  24. @27 Karen: Holy crap it’s been 5 years?!?! That tour was when I met Jenny and is still one of the most exciting and terrifying things I’ve ever done, how on earth has it been that long?

  25. I will be at work for another hour buuuut I’m going to try to listen w headphones through Zoom on my phone! Will most likely be cleaning anyway.

  26. Will this virtual tour stop be closed captioned? I’d like to watch with my best friend, who is Deaf.

    (Yes! ~ Jenny)

  27. First of all, squeal and hip hip hooray to this awesomeness of this book tour! You two being the dynamic duo you are is just too adorable and hilarious to be missed! 👍👍👍 the bio of Victor is the best 😄😆

    Secondly this upcoming event (that I’ll book soon) is a welcomed distraction from the very dramatic situation my hubs and I find ourselves in.. like if our little condo is going to burn down or not 😬( we’re uncomfortably close to the Coastal Fire). Yay socal fires! I’m watching our local fire map like 👀!! Thankfully only one fireman has been hurt. Let’s hope it stays that way.

    In times such as these I say to my husband that I’m simply “grouch.” Grouch has become me, and I it.

    Mercury (being in retrograde) can kiss my ass! 😂 cannot wait for the book tour stop next week! 😊

  28. *) Alexandra @31, consider signing up in a more congenial time zone?
    *) Jenny, do they not know ANYTHING about you? Their squandering of your Victor bio worries me.
    *) I have eyeball earrings. They don’t open and close, but they DO have eyelashes. I might need a ring…
    *) Their elevation in the photo says everything–I’m mentally smoothing your shoulders down for you. (Save the sensation for when you next need it.)
    *) Is this Beyonce’s new digs?
    *) Biscuit @34, YES! (And mine.)

  29. I just got my copy of Broken in the mail and I couldn’t be more tickled by Jenny’s signed inscription!

  30. Oh no, I missed it!🤦‍♀️ To be fair, I was in book club last night, discussing your wonderful book “Furiously Happy”, my pick! Is there a link where I can watch and share it with my book club girls? PLEASE say yes!

  31. FUCKING BINGO, LADY. YOU NAILED IT. p55. This book is providing frequent LOL moments. Well done.

  32. This is going to be so much fun. Of course I bought the hardcover as soon as it came out and I always buy it on Audible because I like to hear you read your books Jenny and I have them all. cheap tickets

  33. If there were a computer program that blended photos of a mom and dad to see what the child would look like, they would be the poster child for that program.

  34. This is going to be so much fun. Of course I bought the hardcover as soon as it came out and I always buy it on Audible because I like to hear you read your books Jenny and I have them all.

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