Category Archives: You’re invited

HELLO, STRANGELINGS!

me:  Hello, and welcome to the first ever meeting of the Fantastic Strangelings Book Club!

You:  Wait…what happened?  I just walked in and everyone is staring and I didn’t even know I had reading assigned and THIS IS MY NIGHTMARE.

me:  No, it’s cool.  This is a super laid-back book club.  I’m not even wearing pants.

You:  I see.  Well, now it’s even more awkward.

me:  It’s a talent.  So here’s what you missed.  I started a book club for introverts who want to read strange, wonderful books.  The first one went out last week (along with book club stickers and pins and signed bookplates for the first 1200 people who signed up) and I just published a post on the Facebook page where people can discuss the book but some people hate Facebook so I’m also posting this right here in case people want to discuss in the comments of this blog post.  Or if you want to just read it and never discuss it at all that’s totally cool too.

You:  Oh.  Well, that actually sounds like something I’d very much be into.  How do I get in on this?

me:  Well.  We’re all sold out of January’s book but you can still get it from other indie bookshops or from the library.  It’s called FOLLOW ME TO GROUND by Sue Rainsford, and it is deliciously weird.  We actually had so many people interested in the book club that we had to stop offering new memberships for a bit but we are now adding more for February so you can click here to join if you haven’t already.

You:  Oh wait.  I just remembered that I already joined this club in a drunken haze last month.  I guess that explains why that book arrived in mail today?

me:  Hello, soulmate.  Welcome.

You:  So…what now?

me:  Now you read the book and if you want to discuss it you can do that here or over here on the Facebook page but no pressure if you just like to lurk or save up all of the years books until summer vacation or leave them in Little Free Libraries.  THERE ARE NO RULES.

You:  This sounds amazing.  So…can you tell me what next month’s book is going to be?

me:  OMG I’M SO GLAD YOU ASKED. (Although technically since you’re a member you should already have an email from me from last week where I spilled the beans early to members.)

Next month’s book is AMERICAN SHERLOCK: Murder, Forensics, and the Birth of American CSI, by Kate Winkler Dawson.  I devoured it in one night.  If you are a true crime aficionado like me you will LOVE it and even if you aren’t it is such a fascinating book.  It’s all about the life of Edward Oscar Heinrich, one of America’s first forensic scientists who cracked at least two thousand cases starting in the 1930’s.

You:  Oh.  That does look good.

me:  And the author is from Texas so she’s coming down this week and signing copies of the book for us, so as a member you’ll be getting a signed edition of  the book.*

You:  What.

me: I KNOW RIGHT?

You:  And what’s the book pick for March?

me:  I’m still working on March but I can tell you that April is a humor memoir/essay and the author is one of my favorite writers of all time and I love her IRL.

You:  Hmm…I think I can guess.  Is it-

me:  THE FIRST RULE OF BOOK CLUB IS THAT WE DON’T SAY WHAT THE NEXT BOOK IS UNTIL THE MONTH BEFORE.

You:  You literally just told me there were no rules.

me:  I am a complicated woman.

You: So will the authors ever show up in the comments of the book discussions?

me:  They’re all invited to but some are introverts too so no pressure on them.  I do though send them questions and I’ll share the answers here and on the Facebook page.  Sue is working on hers right now so look for them in the comments when she’s done.  And as a special thank you members will get an email with answers to THE WEIRD FIVE, which is a special five-question list every author will be given.

You:  Thank you.  I feel very important.

me:  You should.  You’re literally helping to create an entire bookshop just by being a member.  That is some heavy magic.

You:  Okay.  I’ve got a book to curl up with.  Any suggestion as to which cocktail to pair it with?

me:  Hmmm… since the main character is a magic vegetable creature maybe a bloody mary with lots of root veggies in it?  Tomato juice, celery, blood thinner….It’s practically a health drink.

You:  I’m sorry, did you say “magical vegetable creature“?

me:  Yes.  And this is exactly why you need to read the book because it is like nothing I’ve ever read before and I need to discuss it right now.

You:  I am both scared and intrigued.

me:  Then I’ve done my job.  Happy reading, friend.

*Just a note here that while we are currently accepting new members, only the first 2,000 members will get a signed copy of this book because that’s all we bought so if you are already a member you’re golden and if you aren’t yet but want to be just do it as soon as you can.  🙂  As always, if you have any questions just email us at orders@nowherebookshop.com.  This post will stay open for months so no worries if your book hasn’t arrived yet or if you’re a slow reader.

PS.  A few people are saying they can’t get access to the Facebook page when they click on the links.  It’s open to anyone so if you have issues just search for “fantastic strangelings book club” in Facebook and that should work.

You are Here book bags! (They’re free. FREE! Get one quick.)

UPDATED!  It’s March 2 and 5,000 bag have been given away.  Yay!  Totes will be coming soon to those who got in on time!

Just a quick update.  Remember the book bags that my publisher is sending out for free as a special thank you to people who preorder my book, YOU ARE HERE: An Owner’s Manual for Dangerous Minds?  Well 3,700 of them have been claimed so far but they just got their shipment in of them and there are another 1,000 available so if you haven’t already claimed yours go do it now.

They just sent me pictures of them and they are big and awesome.  Wanna see?

bag

Click to embiggen

Click to embiggen

bag3

So if you want one, click here and fill out your information before they’re all gone.

screen-shot-2017-02-23-at-9-11-48-am

Click here for a free book bag, y’all.

Also, I’m going on tour starting next week (!) and I’m hearing that some of the stops are already sold out of inside room or are running out so if you can come drop them a line to see how you can reserve a spot.  (Usually preordering a book from the store gives you a guaranteed spot and you get to get into the signing line before everyone else.  Every store is different though so give them a call.)

urhere

PS. I know going to signings can be scary but you never met a nicer group of people who will understand if you need to hide under a table, and I’m happy to sign anything, from boobs to babies to books, so please come if you can.

PPS.  People are already starting to get their copies of YOU ARE HERE early (mostly in Canada and Germany for some reason) so when you get yours, let me know what you think?

I’M COMING TO YOUR TOWN. (But only if you live in one of the towns on my upcoming tour. Otherwise you may have to take a road trip.)

So!  YOU ARE HERE: An Owner’s Manual For Dangerous Minds comes out in 3 weeks and that means I’m going on tour!  Yay!  It’s just seven stops but we tried to add a few places that I’ve never toured before so hopefully it will be awesome.  And if it isn’t and only two people show up then we will skip the reading and just go to a bar and drinks are on me.  Either way, you win.

More details to come closer to the date but here’s a quick look at where we’ll be next month:

urhere

I’ll update as I get details but I can tell you that usually all my readings/signings are free (one place has a $5 ticket fee because they have to rent a place to host it) and usually if you buy the book from the bookstore hosting the event you get a guaranteed seat and you get to go first in the signing line and you help keep the bookstore in business, which is a very good thing.  I will happily sign anything you want though, no matter where you got it.  Boobs, babies, books, Beyoncés….whatever.

Also, if you can’t make it to any of the events but you want a signed copy of one of my books (or several) you can usually call and order one from any of the stores and ask them to have me personalize one for you while I’m there and they’ll mail it to you or you can pick it up.  You have to do it a bit early though because sometimes places run out of books quicker than expected.

Please come!  My readings are totally laid-back and filled with introverts and weirdos.  The good kind of weirdos.

More details to come…

IT’S HAPPENING. IT’S REALLY HAPPENING.

I got an email from editor saying “HAPPY PUB DAY!” and I was like, there’s a special day just for going to pubs?  My God, we released my book on exactly the right day, but then I realized “pub” was short for “published” and OMG ::KERMIT FLAIL:: Y’ALL, MY BOOK IS OUT TODAY.  Did you get it?  Did you read it?  Are you now running away because you realize I’m even crazier than I may have let on?

I stayed up late watching lovely people who were counting down the minutes until midnight when my book would show up on their reader and it seems surreal that after years of working on this it’s finally in your hands.  Thank you for making me write this.  Thank you for supporting me and passing on my work to others and for sharing and for helping me when I find myself stuck.  Thank you.

And tonight?  We party as if we all had ponies.  Tonight is our launch and instead of doing tv shows and fancy parties I’m staying home and broadcasting live from my house as I do a reading and a Q&A for you guys and I’m nervous as hell but also very excited because over 1000 of you have already RSVPed and that’s about 998 more people I’ve ever had at my house in real life.  To watch it just click here at 7pm central tonight.  You don’t have to have a camera or an account…just computer that can pick up a video feed.  With luck it’ll go well and not crash, but if it crashes just follow me on twitter and we’ll regroup.  You can chat in the hangout, I think, but it’ll probably be easier if you do it on twitter using the hashtag #FH so everyone can follow along.  Or just lurk.  Or come late and watch the recorded video and pretend it’s live.  Or skip it and go spelunking.  Whatever makes you (furiously) happy.

PS.  I just checked and my book is #3 on Amazon in biographies right now.  Yeehaw!  Number one is Mindy Kaling who is too adorable for me to stab so I can take her place, but number two is “Bill O’Reilly Killing Reagan“.  WTF?  I already didn’t like O’Reilly and now he’s killing Reagan and beating me in rankings?  This is why we can’t have nice things.

PPS.  Last night we did a test to see if I could make google hangouts work and I super fucked it up at first but then we got our shit together and giant thank yous go out to the hundreds of people who showed up to tell me what I was doing wrong and also to see my beaver.  If you want to see what you missed it’s recorded right here and if you click on “cc” for subtitles it becomes even more ridiculous.

See you at 7?  Yes?  Right here.

furiouslyhappypubday

 

What if I fuck this up?

First off, my book is officially released to the public at midnight tonight and I’m terrified and excited all at once.  I’m getting tons of tweets from people who’re getting notifications that it’ll arrive at their house in the morning, and a few who somehow got it early and are already enjoying it.  I can only assume those people convinced their bookstore that today is Tuesday, or possibly they know the value of well-placed bribes.  Either way, I salute you.

Tomorrow is the book launch party and you have to come.  If you don’t know what I’m talking about go here for the details.  It’s all online so you can come even if you’re in your pajamas or nude or a cat.  (I mean, you can even come if you are a cat.  Not if you’re in a cat.  Don’t do that.  Ew.)  I’m still looking though all of your party name suggestions and I can’t pick just one so I’m currently leaning toward “The Church of Bloggessianism Presents The Furiously Happy Hour Fight Club Nonsexual-Orgy Featuring John Stamos If He Feels Like Getting In a Blanket Fort with Ferris Mewler and a Taxidermied Raccoon: The WE’RE HERE AND WE’RE NOT USED TO IT Party“.  I doesn’t quite fit on a t-shirt though.

introvert

BUT!  I’m afraid of technology so tonight let’s do a 5 minute test, okay?  If you happen to be online tonight (Monday) at 6pm central go here to this test page I just made and we’ll see if it works, okay?  This is not the same page that the actual party will be tomorrow (Tuesday).  See my last post for that link.  And if everything goes pear-shaped on Tuesday then we’ll just take over twitter, or I’ll break into the business center down the street and conduct the largest conference call in the world.  Whatever.  It’s our party and we’re winging it.  Prepare to take to the streets if necessary.  And by “take to the streets” I mean “hide in your bathroom with your phone.”

PS. John Stamos is not in any way expected to be here but he hasn’t blocked me yet on twitter and – in fact – he’s following me so I suspect he’s an introvert like us and will be lurking.  He seems like a lurker.  But in a really good way.

PPS.  I think this is the first time I’ve ever shared a recipe on this blog but just in case you want to match what we’ll be drinking here tomorrow during the Furiously Happy Hour I’m sharing a few of my drink recipes…

Cheap Shame:  Mix one part Strawberry Hill to one part Sprite.  Serve over ice in a disposable cup.  Remember 7th grade with equal parts fondness and horror.

Booze slushie:  Make a snow cone using your vintage knuckle-scraper Snoopy snow-cone maker.  After 15 minutes, a broken knuckle and two inches of melted snow-cone give up and curse loudly.  Go buy a real snow cone maker or a blender.  Pour whatever you have over the snow cone.  I prefer Chambord, cheap amaretto, box wine, or that rum Kenny Chesney makes.  Stop judging me.

The menstruating unicorn:  Smirnoff Ice over Cherry 7-up served with a lit sparkler.  Watch your bangs, y’all.

Water:  It’s just water.  It’s what I drink when I’m thirsty and it’s very refreshing.  I recommend.

No Pants Party. You’re invited.

So.  My book comes out next week and I’m 50% excited and 70% terrified and 100% not sure how math works.  Normally when a book comes out you have a big launch party in a big city and big people come and then I have a big panic attack and everyone wanders around making a big deal about the fact that the author won’t come out from under the table (truth) and that’s why this time my editor agreed to let me have my FURIOUSLY HAPPY launch party right here in my house with the best people ever.  My cats.  And you.  The very people who helped me write this book and who often have the exact same fears about leaving their house.  EVERYONE WINS.  So, you are officially invited to my house (via the internet) on launch day for a reading and fun and ridiculousness.  It’ll be this Tuesday, September 22nd at 7p central.  It’ll probably last an hour, or until we get bored or too drunk to internet.  Or if you hate looking at me you can join in on twitter using the hashtag #FH (short for “Furiously Happy”).

CLICK HERE AND BOOKMARK FOR THE LINK TO WHERE THE PARTY WILL BE.  

But I need a name for this.  I was calling it “The Agoraphobia Party” but I thought people might misunderstand, and then I thought maybe “Introverts United” but that sort of already exists on a t-shirt I own (INTROVERTS UNITE!  But separately.  And at your own houses) and that seems like cheating.  Then I thought maybe “The No Pants Party” because the great thing about staying home while attending a party is that no one knows you don’t have pants on, but then I remembered that in the UK “pants” means “panties” and 1) I don’t want to have a “no panties party” because ew.  And 2) I hate the word panties so much that I want it destroyed.  I want to destroy panties.  Jesus.  That came out wrong.  How did I get here?  

Then I thought maybe “The Blanket Fort Coalition” because most of us with anxiety issues can’t wait until the party ends so that we can go home and hide in our blanket forts with our cats and books and phones and this would be nice because I’m basically inviting you into my blanket fort.  (Not a euphemism).  Except it’s a blanket fort with twitter and video and booze and I’ll probably end up saying something ridiculous that will live on the internet forever.  But it’s probably not going to be any worse than “I want to destroy panties” (hopefully) so it’s (possibly) all uphill from here.

I still don’t think I’ve come up with the perfect name though so I’m asking you.  Double Unicorn Success Unconference?  Sloth Lovers Anonymous?  The Assembly for the Advancement of Not Assembling Anyplace We Have To Make Smalltalk?  The Worst Orgy Ever?  The Apple Dumplin Gang?  Conscious Uncoupling?  Obviously I need help.

And the second thing is…would you come?  Is that a weird party to have?  Would you go online and watch a party that consists of me doing a book reading in front of my cats while my friend Marlena pours booze slushies and pulls together questions from twitter for the Q&A?  Would it make you more likely to come if I say that we’ll do a drinking game where every time Trump says something stupid we do a shot until one of us dies of alcohol poisoning?  And I’ll have special guests (who might all be taxidermied, if I’m being honest) come join me?  And maybe someone famous will show up and then you can tell everyone that last night you went to a book launch and John Stamos showed up and then your coworkers will be like, “UNCLE JESSE?” and you’ll just shrug like, “Yeah, I guess.  No biggie”?  And I’ll give away books and tiny raccoons and maybe some taxidermy and I’ll show you how to french braid a dog and then we’ll all share funny videos of people that we hate falling, or hamsters eating tiny burritos, or hedgehogs being hedgehogs?  I can’t tell if I’m making this more or less inviting.  This is exactly why I never have parties.  And why you should agree to come to this one.

PS. If you are an extrovert and hate being alone you can get together with your book club that night and all watch me doing my reading and it’s like you just brought an author with you to your book club.  YOU WIN BOOK CLUB!  I assume.  I don’t know the rules of book club.  Other than (I assume) no one talks about book club.  I might be mixing that up with something else.

OH!  WHAT IF WE CALL THE PARTY “FIGHT CLUB”?  I always wanted to be in Fight Club.  But that name’s taken.  Never mind.  Still thinking.

PPS.  John Stamos will not be at the party.  Unless, I guess, he really wants to come.  I mean, he’s not not invited.  You know what?  I take it back.  John Stamos might be at the party after all.  That man is totally unpredictable.

PPPS.  Look what I got today!

furiouslyhappy audio cds

My audiobook!  If you come up with the winning name for this party I’ll send you a signed one.  Or a book.  Or someone else’s book if you hate me.  Whatever.  Not judging.

"WHY ISN'T THIS AVAILABLE ON AUDIO SO DJ'S CAN MIX THIS SHIT UP?" ~ said no one ever. Yet.

“WHY ISN’T THIS AVAILABLE ON VINYL SO DJ’S CAN MIX THIS SHIT UP IN THE CLUB, YO?” ~ Said no one ever. Yet.