So tonight I’m going in for my 5th ketamine treatment for depression and I know some people really enjoy getting just off-their tits high but personally I enjoy a little bit until I fall into another dimension because I’m always sure I’m going to be stuck there forever but I’ve just found that if I don’t listen to the recommended meditative music and instead listen to music with words it helps remind me that people still exist and that’s helpful. Not as helpful? The fact that my playlist was all Taylor Swift and when I got to Vigilante Shit I was convinced that Tay-Tay was going to murder me so I went back in and only picked happy songs for a playlist but so far it’s only two songs by Lizzo and Billie Joel’s Zanzibar. Please give me suggestions?
And in semi-related news, I was just walking Dorothy Barker and I saw the first bloom on my magnolia tree and it was so lovely because it made me realize that maybe I’m getting a little better because I’m able to recognize something beautiful.
And then I noticed a bunch of dead petals on the ground and googled “When do Texas magnolia trees bloom?” and turns out they bloom February to April so I think what I’m actually seeing is the fucking last bloom, and I can’t tell if that’s really sad because I’ve apparently been so oblivious with depression that I missed a ten foot tall blooming tree, or really great because maybe this is a sign that I’m coming out of it.
I don’t have a good way to wrap this up because I’m starving and have to fast and I can’t have caffeine or my ADD meds so my brain is meh but I promise I’ll be better soon. Lizzo and I love you.