What Jenny Lawson quote are you?

I don’t really believe in astrology, because I’m a total Capricorn but I do heartily endorse these “What Jenny Lawson quote are you?” horoscopes which are at least 85% accurate.


PS. Yes, you can totally steal these graphics if you want.

88 thoughts on “What Jenny Lawson quote are you?

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Perfect fit for Taurus, AND this is the quote on the card you sent me with my signed copy of Furiously Happy. I keep it in my wallet, and I showed it to my therapist last night, who lived it and said it’s a great way to live.

  2. It hurts my OCD that these are out of order, yet I’m oddly satisfied that Cancer is first. Has anyone seen my backhoe?

  3. Let’s not overlook “I don’t really believe in astrology because I’m a total Capricorn”. This Virgo sees and appreciates your (not you’re) clever way with words, Jenny!

  4. Totally accurate for Pisces, but may I also humbly suggest…
    “People say nice guys finish last, but I’m okay with finishing last, because who wants to hang out with the assholes in the front? That sounds miserable.”
    -Jenny Lawson

  5. Capricorn is 1) the most boring sign ever and 2) never fits me. But your Capricorn is bang on the nose 😂

  6. Thank you Jenny! These are the very best part of this challenging week! You are a gift!

  7. Taurus… YES! And I just happen to be wearing my “Be Kind” shirt today.

  8. Scorpio is spot on! My collection of knives are always sharpened! Haha

  9. Virgo, and very accurate (yes, I’m aware that’s not a complete sentence)

  10. Libra. My granny actually said to me, “I thought you were gonna make some sense, but now you’re just a shitass.” I took it to heart.

  11. Does this mean there’s a calendar coming out? It’d be perfect with these quotes and seasonal pics of your menagerie of fur babies (living and taxidermy!)

  12. This makes me wish I was a Virgo cuz that quote is fab. But the Sagittarius is sadly accurate for my life.😂

  13. Mine is “Depression Lies” I use it often and sometimes daily. I also share it with the teens I work with in a hospital ED. They may not understand but I hope it echos in their heads until they can.

  14. Neither my father nor his mother (my grandmother, of course) were Libra nor Scorpio, but those two signs sound just like them. BOTH of them. ALL THE TIME. I, of course, am a perfect Leo. 😇

  15. I don’t believe in astrology at all, except that I am such a total Virgo, and this quote is totally me.

  16. LOVE Cancer (the sign, not the disease) and also Gemini…but I’m in a quandary. My birth date is June 21, so I can be either one of these. Do you have anything special for those of us on the cusp? (Something stabby would totally fit me.)

  17. My birth certificate makes me an Aquarius but I want to be a Libra. Can I do that?

  18. I think Aries is accurate. It’s the first sign and so is a “baby” and I think optimism comes with that

  19. I’m a Pisces, and I’m kind of all of them.

    Which is on-brand for Pisces. 🤣

  20. The Aries one is so incredibly relevant to this week for me, it’s a little unnerving. I’d say get out of my head, but I could probably use the company.

  21. Sagittarius here, and yeah, that’s what happens every time I attempt spontaneity. 😹

  22. In real life I’m Sagittarius whatever that means. Capricorn is truth!

  23. My daughter (6yo) and bestie (47) are a Taurus and Cancer, respectfully, and these are bang on for them! 😆

  24. Keep shit in order Lady! I read these from the bottom, as you do, and had to make my way through all of them until I finally found Cancer. In which Astrological tomb (sic) di (not sic, please fix) you find that Cancer starts the cycle?
    You know me. Reading hurts my head, so that was like work. Plus, if I didn’t already sound like a sour puss after that, I will after this next bag of verbal garage (why do I keep on doing that?)
    I have always known that it sucks to be a Cancer. It’s not much of a mental leap to see my point. After all, what other star sign is named after anything remotely like “a disease caused when cells divide uncontrollably and spread into surrounding tissues.” (www.cancer.gov)?
    I stopped believing in any of this Astrology baloney when every entry I read as a teenager was sadly on the nose. Whereas the other entries had their recipients expecting to be blessed by good fortune, or finally realize that long held dream, us crabs could only look forward to a day not being worse than yesterday. “Hang on in there” it would say ” after all, things might get better. Not promising anything, but you can always hope.”
    As to your quote – yes, it’s lovely, and I love it, just as I love you and want to have your babies. But once again it isn’t true. I don’t trust anyone to help me. I can do it better than them on my own. They end up getting in the way most of the time with their “how can I help?” “You can help” I’d like to say “by not bothering me, so I can get this done in peace.” Then, relenting, say “hold this trowel and stand over their, and keep a look out for anyone that looks like a cop.” That way they can happily go along their way thinking they’d done me a solid.
    And maybe that is why my body is so screwed up, from all that digging.

  25. I don’t relate to your Pisces quote, I like comment number 14’s quite much better. Like, nice gals finish last, and who really wants to hang out with the assholes up front? I’d rather hang out with the outcasts and weirdos in the back, biting their nails and bandaging the wounded left behind.
    But I have a Sagittarius rising and an Aries moon and was raised by a Scorpio, so I have lots of fiery defensive wounds I’m always licking in the corner of the room. And I’m divorcing a Cancer, because they can’t handle life and their “everything in life sucks” routine started to include me.
    Actually, all the quotes fit me on different days or different times, depending on which way the current is flowing, which is how is Pisces keep on swimming.

  26. My best friend and I refer to each other as “shovel friends.” We both have shovels and are ready to hide a dead body for each other at any moment.

  27. As a Cancer this is totally accurate, but I’ve got a strong option on Capricorn as well which is my half-birthday so….

  28. My birth certificate says I am an Aquarius, but I am definitely your definition of a Cancer.

  29. 100% accurate on Scorpio. But I think I must also be a Capricorn rising or transiting or whatever, because that’s my house you’re describing. 😀

  30. My own sister who has a daughter who is a Scorpio says their behavior indicates that they live by “Strike Without Warning.” Your quote goes hand in hand.

  31. You should become an astrologist and maybe put out a calendar with your beautiful drawings or photos of weird stuff and add the astrological forecasts.

  32. Can, definitely, verify Leo.
    I am the Empress of the Magnificent Mistake.
    But, as we say in the handcraft industry, “It isn’t a ‘mistake’. It’s a Design Feature.”
    (That’s my story, and I am sticking to it.)

  33. Virgo is 100% correct, damnit 😠
    But I prefer Libra’s & Capricorn’s lol

  34. Are these things based on when you were born or when you were SUPPOSED to be born? I was a month early and have been discombobulated ever since. Fine quotes Jenny!

  35. As a Leo, I quite agree with my horoscope. I have impressed a great number of people with my mistakes. I think I need to write small book, a pamphlet, really, about them to pass on to my descendents. Then they can blame all their mistakes and weirdnesses on me. btw, I am wearing your “sometimes you have to lean into the weird” t-shirt today. How appropriate!

  36. I’m definitely a Cancer, but I just ordered two of these for my Sagittarius daughters.

    Jenny, please, please, please leave Xitter … the Fediverse is so much friendlier.

    (I don’t know what Fediverse is but I’ve started using threads and I’m liking it. ~ Jenny)

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