BUT WHAT DOES IT MEAN – The Bloggess

I’m having a hard time finding the words.

I wanted to announce this last night but I couldn’t find the words. Last night I found out that this strange little book I wrote (one I was sure would scare people away – one that I struggled with for years) made it on the NYT bestseller list its first week out. I screamed andContinue reading “I’m having a hard time finding the words.”

I’m on a lot of cold medication so it’s possible this isn’t as funny as I think it is.

I’m on a lot of cold meds but I thought you’d enjoy. Or not. Stop judging me. I’m sick. They’re in my shop if you want one, but be aware that everyone you wear it around is going to tell you that your shirt is on inside out. But then you can flash them a raccoonContinue reading “I’m on a lot of cold medication so it’s possible this isn’t as funny as I think it is.”

Colorful and terrible and beautiful all at once.

I took this picture a few days ago for several reasons: 1. It’s hilarious. 2. It’s the perfect example of human nature. Doing exactly what you’re told not to do. 3. It’s very pretty, in a strange sort of way. A small, colorful art installation in a sea of beige office supplies. 4. The helpfully cheerful “OK!”Continue reading “Colorful and terrible and beautiful all at once.”

Ho ho ho. Green ballsack.

I was just wondering if the Jolly Green Giant was made of vegetables, because if so it seems sort of cruel to make him a spokesperson for eating vegetables. I looked it up and it urns out that the original Jolly Green Giant was neither “jolly” nor “green” and was actually some sort of angry caveman in aContinue reading “Ho ho ho. Green ballsack.”

There should be a yelp for places you visit in your sleep.

Do you ever have dreams so real and bizarre that you are certain you must’ve actually been somewhere that exists because there is no way that place came from your head? Because I have them sometimes and it’s very odd, and I always want to reach out and say, “Hey, has anyone else been toContinue reading “There should be a yelp for places you visit in your sleep.”

Good Luck Satan

Yesterday I went to a thrift store and I saw an old hand-embroidered tablecloth and I thought, Does that say “GOOD LUCK SATAN”? Then I looked closer and realized that no…no it doesn’t say that. It actually says “GOOD LUCK ON SATURN”. Which makes…slightly more sense? Then I unfolded it and realized it says: “GOODContinue reading “Good Luck Satan”