functions I shouldn’t be allowed to attend – Page 5

I don’t think it’s even humanly possible to fart in front of Katie Couric.

This week I’ve still been in the last stages of recovery from one of the strongest bouts of depression I’ve ever faced. Next week I’ll be on the Katie Couric Show. Life is weird. I taped it before I fell into the black hole I’ve been crawling out of, which is good because I would’veContinue reading “I don’t think it’s even humanly possible to fart in front of Katie Couric.”

It’s like a hoodie. But with fangs.

Last week my friend Suebob pointed me toward an enormous taxidermied wolf on Etsy THAT YOU CAN WEAR. It was made of awesome, and I was able to verify that the wolf died of old age/kidney failure so I could buy it with a clear conscience and PETA couldn’t throw blood at me when I woreContinue reading “It’s like a hoodie. But with fangs.”

I think I just became a professional scientist. A dangerously unqualified one.

Yesterday I got an email from Scientific American magazine asking if I would be interested in submitting some ideas for science experiments for children. And I was all, OF COURSE I WOULD. After all, this is the same prestigious magazine that Einstein once contributed to. My actual response: Have you considered experiments regarding the properContinue reading “I think I just became a professional scientist. A dangerously unqualified one.”

I’m also getting a lot of spam insults from foreign robots. Which is sad, because this is probably going to put a lot of local trolls out of business.

Actual comment I just got: “Your site looks very interesting to me. I found it doing a search for butt hairy woman.” For the love of God, let that be spam. **** And now, this week’s Shit-I-did-when-I-wasn’t-here: (Illustration courtesy of the lovely @MissMortis) What you missed on Ill-Advised: Lesson 17: Maids. Not Murders. What you missed on GoodContinue reading “I’m also getting a lot of spam insults from foreign robots. Which is sad, because this is probably going to put a lot of local trolls out of business.”

Of conferences and anxiety disorders

Sorry I’ve been MIA. I was in New Orleans at the Mom 2.0 Summit where I spoke about the time I got crabs of the hand from a Japanese sex dungeon. (FYI…when I got back to America I found out that it was just a rash from petting some rabbits but I never actually clarifiedContinue reading “Of conferences and anxiety disorders”

There might be some sort of voodoo curse on me.

I’m three weeks behind on this but I actually do have a very good reason which does not involve drinking or taxidermied alligators, for once. Victor got a really horrific infection in his broken arm and was in the hospital for so long that I forgot where I lived. Then Hailey and I both cameContinue reading “There might be some sort of voodoo curse on me.”