There might be some sort of voodoo curse on me.

I’m three weeks behind on this but I actually do have a very good reason which does not involve drinking or taxidermied alligators, for once.  Victor got a really horrific infection in his broken arm and was in the hospital for so long that I forgot where I lived.  Then Hailey and I both came down with strep and when they finally let Victor come home they put him on an antibiotic that costs $2,300.  After insurance. Then all the corpses from the Indian burial ground beneath our house started floating up in our pool and I considered moving to Canada and investing in my own bone saw.  (FYI…only that very last sentence is an exaggeration.  We don’t have a pool.)

But after all of that crap I realized that I probably need to have a bit more in savings in case this happens again so I’m going to stop turning down graphic ad offers on my blog and start offering them in between actual posts (labeled as ads right up front, of course).  I promise they won’t be awful.  And I’m not using an ad network so if you see an ad it’ll be from companies/bloggers/artists who actually contacted me directly and are bad-asses who are cool with advertising on a blog which no sane company would ever be advertising on.

PS.  If you want one they start at $250.  Email me advertising@thebloggess.com if you want details.

**********

Let’s begin the weekly wrap-up, shall we?:

What you missed on Ill-Advised:

What you missed on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle:

What you missed on my sex column (which is satirical and vaguely safe for work if your boss isn’t a complete douche-canoe):

What you missed in my shop (tentatively named “Eight pounds of uncut cocaine” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

What you missed on the internets:

This week on Shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

The week’s wrap-up sponsored by my real-life friend, Stephanie Smirnov, who just started a truly fabulous blog about finding horsemeat in your refrigerator (among other things). I once found a sack of sheep intestines in my refrigerator. There’s a lot of that going around. Also, I just want to point out that Stephanie is in charge of a PR company that isn’t afraid to invite me to molest the hot, gay guy from Project Runway. She’s not paying me to mention that but I’m going to anyway because that kind of bad-ass PR-ness should be rewarded.

102 thoughts on “There might be some sort of voodoo curse on me.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I saw your tweets about the cost of the antibiotic and it still shocks me. Did the doctor not warn you ahead of time about the price? Or were you left to ask the pharmacist, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

  2. When I saw you post that it cost 2k for antibiotics I thought you were shitting. Then I read this and said self, “you’re an idiot she lives in the U.S. Of course she’s not shitting you”. Dang woman, move to Canada where infectious diseases don’t cost you your other arm and/or leg. Well, if you can find a doctor and don’t mind crazy ER times.

    on that note, hope you are all feeling better really soon.

  3. So glad I read that first link… I had him all setup to go onto the BBQ pit, was gonna email asking if I could borrow your bonesaw and everything. So now, I’m sort of stuck with like 5 gallons of BBQ sauce. Suck.

    Have you considered maybe taking a picture of YOURSELF holding twine and sending it to @NathanFillion? Maybe that’ll break the curse?

  4. I’m left with a sort of shocked daze-y feeling and I don’t know why. But I do love that Nathan Fillion picture.

  5. I’m so sorry to hear about all the drama going on! My gosh u must ne exhausted after all of that. Sendin u positive thoughts that I hope include some curse breakers. Try spitting or throwing salt… I learned that from The Golden Girls. 😉

    Best,
    Li
    @LaLicenciada
    @HerDeepThoughts

  6. I feel ya on the expensive staph meds!! When my husband got MRSA, we called my sister-in-law since she works at a pharmacy and has for years and years to see if she could get it for us ‘at cost’. Oh she could alright! But ‘at cost’ was $1,000. That’s when our doc switched to Plan B – pairing two ‘cheaper’ meds together. Ugh.

  7. They did warn us on the cost but the other alternative was to have a home health nurse come for 10 days to administer IV’s and this worked better for us. Apparently this type of infection is untreatable with anything other than this type of drug. Luckily (?) we’re probably at the our annual max payout so we may get reimbursed for it eventually. And we had money in savings so we’re fine. I just wonder what people who don’t have extra money do. Oh, America…get your act together.

  8. You know how Alltop makes those badges that everyone and their mom sticks on their blog sidebar? I’m thinking you need to make a badge: “The Bloggess Thinks I’m Bad-Ass.” New revenue stream, people would pay big do-re-mi for the privilege of slapping that on a sidebar. Or tattoo to their ass.

  9. 2K for a prescription?? That’s HORRIBLE! I thought it was bad when I had to get a script filled for an anti-inflammatory and it was $40 after my coverage. Bit of culture shock there. How do you even deal with that?

  10. You could make millions hosting a photogallery of pics of celebrities with random items if only you’d whore your blog out.Chances are Nathan Fillion would cave to that kind of peer pressure, since Wil Wheaton alone wasn’t convincing enough. Wil Wheaton should be offended and go kick Nathan Fillion’s ass for that. And then send you a picture of him holding Nathan Fillion’s ego.

  11. You wouldn’t have these problems if you didn’t have the ghosts of taxidermied animals haunting your home.

    “I SAAAAAW YOU EEEEEAAAAT THAT BAAAAACOOOOON…”

  12. I hate the healthcare system in the US. I truly do. One of the main reasons I don’t want to move back. When The Spouse broke his arm (in Ohio last summer) his 2 hours in the ER (with a missed diagnosis and crappy x-rays) cost more than the surgery and week in the hospital to fix that mess here in Luxembourg. With a private room.

  13. LET’S PAYPAL 50 CENTS EACH TO JENNY AND BUY VICTOR’S ARM!!! WHOOT! Sorry for the shouting but wanted to stick out!

  14. I’m glad Victor’s home. Sorry it’s been such a shit-show. Hang in there.

    Also? A Midsummer Night’s Dream is my favourite play. No, not kidding. I knew the line WAY before those fools did. They were still funny though. I hate ketchup!

  15. I wouldn’t dismiss the ghosts of those indians. They were probably killed by your great great grandfather. You’d be surprised what indians will do for revenge…dead or alive.

  16. Thanks for the distraction. I just found out I’m pregnant and I needed a break from the freaked out, staring contest I have been having with my husband all day.

  17. You should make some sort of tshirt that mocks our pathetic and greedy healthcare system.
    Then sell away. You earn your money girlie.

  18. Unless those $2500 antibiotics were actually “antibiotics,” by which I mean heroin, that’s a complete screw job, and it’s to all of our shame that we’ve let America progress to this point.

    Keep fighting the good fight, and writing the best blog and columns on the internet.

  19. Wow…he gets those fancy expensive infections. I really hope he feels better and your lives get back to normal soon!

  20. I can’t believe you have to pay that much for antibiotics!! You literally make me afraid of visiting America in case I accidentally stump my toe or something! Next time, it might be cheaper to ask me to get it and pay for the fedex over from England.

  21. Whoa, tough weekend. And yet you still manage to entertain the hell out of all of us. Thanks!
    Hope all gets better quick. Thanks for pointing the compass to the March of Dimes, worthy cause.

    And on a more personal note, thank you for always being so supportive of gay & lesbian issues. It means so much.

  22. So all the talk in the last election about improving health care and you are paying $2300 for pills after insurance. Instead of fixing our health care situation, the politicians have been focused on shutting our government down.

    Good idea to increase your rainy day funds. With the state of the banking industry, I would suggest lining your mattress with the extra cash, not putting it in the bank.

  23. What Stephanie (Smirnov) said. Do it. Now. Or whenever you finish up with the bone-saw because those bodies won’t just go away on their own, you know.

    Also? You might consider placing your family in a bubble. You know, like that awesomely cheesy ’70’s movie with John Travolta… except you could be the Family in the Plastic Bubble. Just sayin’.

  24. Jenny, I think you may be in luck! I’m pretty sure Canada has a “Free Bone Saw with Immigration” promotion right now. It’s sort of a modern take on that whole “40 Acres and a Mule” thing from the 19th century.

    I cut off my daughters finger once. Two surgeries, anesthesia, physio, et al cost us $7 – and that was to park our shitty van.

    Also, if you shouldn’t eat babies, the what the hell is the “Baby Bullet” for?

  25. I’m no priest (why hello, boobies) but I was Catholic for the first half of my life and I have seen the blessing they do to keep dead folks, um, dead. So I would be more than happy to come exorcise your demons for a very reasonable fee. As in a picture of you holding a ball of twine or something.

    Also, I’m pretty sure Nathan Fillion is responsible for this whole vodoo curse thing. I’m not sure what we can do about that, but I’m sure Twitter will know.

  26. You are so freakin’ awesome. I hope you do get it back and insurance isn’t a jerk and oh my heavens the American health care system scares me silly sometimes and I’m really glad I live in Canada.

  27. Last year i had to give my daughter some shots after surgery for 7 days…after insurance $1400. For me to inject my child in the stomach…yeah, good times.

    Sounds like your week sucked…if you want someone to bitch to, i’m old enough to be your mom and honestly, i’m a whiz at medical catastrophes.

    TRUST ME!! a fucking whiz!

    that is all

  28. $2,300??? What is truly disgusting is the mark-up on said drugs. Gag. I’m sorry about Victor’s infected limb. That blows. And then to top it off with Strep for the rest of you non-infected limb people??? Not fair. I think you should at the very least stomp your foot while whining.
    P.S. I was told that if your house is indeed on a burial ground you need to burn some sage (or smoke the peyote and make peace). Pissed off ghosts are the worst…. or so I have heard. 🙂

  29. Not sure the ” states” would want to part with you ( three) but I know most Texan’s fit seamlessly into Alberta. It’s OK once you get used to snow up to your hips. STAPH tell be careful.

  30. You know, I’m from New Orleans, & voodoo curses can only be broken by sacrificing a live chicken. But do it properly or you’ll have chicken zombies to worry about & then you’ll have to sacrifice a live goat. But do it properly or you’ll have – eh, maybe it’s best to ride out the voodoo curse…

  31. Sorry to turn this into something level-headed and serious but…..WHY NOT LET US ALL HELP YOU? You do amazing things for us like helping us laugh at our somewhat decrepit lives, we adore you and (though I don’t know how to do PayPal, kudos to @Em who had the same thought that I did. Jenny, don’t be stubborn, this is what family is all about. How about a P.O. Box that you should happen to open up that we could essentially send you a Get Well card or whatever……..Don’t Be STUBBORN even though I know you are. Please think about it!!!!! Your good friend, Laurie F. (anyone with me on this?)

  32. Not that $2,300 isn’t atrocious but at least it’s not the new $30,000 price tag that a woman who may go into labor prematurely will now have to pay due to the FDA name branding progesterone shots that she’ll have to be given for her entire pregnancy. (Insurance won’t cover this).

    So $2,300, kind of a deal, no?

  33. Seriously $2300!? I’m so sorry. I’d punch someone. The last time I had to get an antibiotic because I got a few pimples and flipped my shit it was $500 and I nearly reached across the counter and strangled the Walgreens employee!

  34. So for $250 one could just have like ‘poop’ put up? I mean, we’ve all wasted way more than that on nights out at the bar…

    And on the burial ground issue, was just having a conversation about a gladiator burial ground in England and just imagine you’d never get anything done.

    “What should we watch, hun?” -80 ghostly voices whisper ‘Gladiator!’- ..or..you could never watch the movie ‘Airplane’ without a number of ghostly yesses coming up when asked if Billy likes gladiator movies..

    I think I’ve caught the crazy..like speaking italian if you spend enough time in Rome.

  35. “Wil Wheaton should be offended and go kick Nathan Fillion’s ass for that. And then send you a picture of him holding Nathan Fillion’s ego.”

    Actually, I think you could cover a year’s worth of healthcare costs by selling a picture of Wil Wheaton holding Nathan Fillion’s ass. To the right buyer of course. A true connoisseur (or, y’know, Fillion paying you to NOT sell it 😉

  36. Healthcare sucks. My husband spent half of Saturday depressed because of the rising insurance costs. Luckily, his company gave him a 2% “merit increase” to offset that 3% insurance increase. Yay, we’re in the hole! Hope that high dollar medicine kicks the infection’s butt. It should clean your house too.

  37. Um, wait, how much does the antibiotic cost? Shouldn’t there be a law against that or something? I mean geez.

    I hope everything is on the mend now.

  38. You should have asked for the antibiotic cat! I think he works for mice and wouldn’t charge you $2500.

  39. Isn’t paying out all your savings for medicine better than living in a socialist country? ….No? (waves US flag with made-in-china tag)

  40. We pay a TON of money for top of the line insurance. Two weeks ago I spent 6 hours in the ER getting fluids and pain meds. They send me home with a prescription for Zofran so I would stop throwing up. My insurance company needed a prior authorization on it, so we paid cash and it was only $20! And they wanted to ‘think about’ paying for it, knowing I had just spent hours in the hospital. Awesome.

  41. People are screwing with you, Jenny. The ad is there. Otherwise, they’re not scrolling down enough or need to refresh their browsers. Bet they’re Nathan Fillion minions, sent by him for a campaign of harrassment. You will go insane and kill someone, he’ll submit it as an idea for “Castle,” win an Emmy, buy the world’s supply of twine and burn it in effigy.

    Wil Wheaton could be a hero here.

  42. Burning sage is simply to clear the area of all negative energies/spirits. Only a temporary fix before you do some heavy exercising. It is practiced in various cultures, though.

    And I’m sure you wanted to know this. Nevermind. carry on.

  43. I can’t believe that Nathan Fillion doesn’t have time between his Castle duties to hold a ball of twine. There has to be a ball of twine on that set somewhere – they could probably do it between takes.

  44. So sorry to hear Victpr’s break wasn’t bad enough and he decided to step it up with a cause of the icky in it. Meds are crazy, fact of American life these days. Thank heavens we have so many in Washington fighting against healthcare reform. (re: SARCASM)

    Also, as a known co-hort and member of the GGB…your ad for Absence of Alternative’s site is both visually perfect and completely deserved. She is a phenomenal woman and everyone should out her!

  45. Odd, Nathan Fillion seems like the sort of dude that would jump at the chance to send you a photo of himself holding twine.

  46. Here’s what you need to do: For the meds, day trip down to the Valley and over into Mexico. It’s a four hour drive plus bridge fees, but still cheaper than drugs on this side of the border.
    Then, either while you’re down there, or hit the south side of San Antonio on your way home, go to a yerberia and tell them you need a bruja to come do a cleansing. There will probably be a chicken involved, possibly a goat, maybe both. But you should be set. Oh, and if you hang an aloe plant upside down, by the back door, as long as it’s alive you’re in the clear from evil. … My culture seems really weird when I sit down and write it all out like that.
    Also, I’m a new reader, and I read some excerpts to my husband, and he told me I’m not allowed to try and hang out with you when we move back to San Antonio. Something about too much chaos in one place, and that it’d be sort of creepy for me to try and be your friend just based on your blog? IDK.

  47. You should start a fund called the “Two Thousand Dollar Antibiotics so Victor’s Arm Doesn’t Fall Off” or “…Start Necrotizing and Turn Him Into A Partial Zombie”. Because when you look at the alternatives, those pills are worth it at any price, right? And we would gladly contribute so you don’t end up having to chop his head off with a shovel – or keep him in the basement and supply him with brains. Because over the long term, that would cost $2300 easily, if not more.
    Hope that puts things in perspective!

  48. Pack up your family and come to Vancouver! As long as you guys don’t mind sharing a five hundred square foot studio located next door to a bar/chicken ranch frequented by rednecks who believe that having sex in the alley is better than not getting laid at all, then we’ll be set!

    ps. Anti-joke.com is like a deep-tissue massage for the soul.

    (I have no idea what that means.)

  49. I’ll second Wicked Shawn’s sarcastic remarks: We definitely need to save the corporations from paying all the taxes (in GE’s case $0)…

    I am so very sorry for what’s been going on and for the ginormous bill. I hope Victor recover swiftly and completely.

    Thank you for the College Humor vid. Did not know it existed until now. LOVE Danny Pudi. Indeed I am surprised that he hasn’t been nominated for an Emmy yet! (And may I add, it is my contention that PUCK needs to be played by an actress!)

  50. Awww…geez. So sorry everyone is sick. Hopefully the drug$ will help Victor get well soon.

    Just wondering it the drugs are made of zombie brains or something really cool like that. Because quite frankly, one could purchase copious amounts of wine slushies for that kind of cash.

  51. I don’t know much about how voodoo works, but I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to bake a pie out of toenails and pubic hair and then bury it in your back yard (or mail it to your insurance company?). Then you’ll be good.

    I mean, it couldn’t hurt, right?

  52. Just for the record…Nathan Fillion should be paying YOU for a picture of him holding twine. Ads away girlie. Sorry to hear about the craziness going on in your life. Hope things get better. 🙂

  53. is it sad that my favorite joke is listed on the first page of anti joke? Probably. but what’s funnier is I actually got all excited at first.

  54. Wow $2,300 for a script?! Okay you win…I only pay that on a yearly basis for my dogs meds.
    Exactly WHAT is in this drug? Kryptonite? I hear you can normally only get that on the black market these days. For that price, Victor better be cured instantaneously or at least flying like Peter Pan for a few days.

  55. Sacred Smokin’ Sheepshit that’s a lot of scratch for antibiotics! I think I went into shock on your behalf! On the bright side, at least Victor gets to keep his arm, so you won’t have to worry about him having interchangeable attachments like a bad He-man villain. Though, that might be cool. Depends on what you’re into I guess.

  56. I can totally see the ad.

    And once you have enough in the savings from ad revenue, and you want to go buy fun things with it, they have all the little house on the prairie episodes on DVD at Costco. It made me think of you.

  57. Ok it’s just us and were all friends here so be honest;
    how long did you consider how invested you are in Victor, and if it would be worth it to just say you paid $2,300 for the antibiotic while really spending the money on a dead something, something, and giving Victor tic tacs in a pharmacy bottle, while practicing your “I don’t know why your not getting better sweetie, I love you so much, wish there was something I could do…” speech/act in front of the mirror?

  58. I vote you use Nathan’s $400 to put toward Victor’s Antibiotics, and then send Fillion a picture of yourself holding twine. Or you can scrap the meds and just invite me over, I had to spend 2 weeks giving my cat intravenous meds/fluids and I am a pro at inserting the horrible, huge needle in just the right place on the scruff of the neck. I think I could totally be of help.

  59. I noticed “Steph”- above had a good idea- fundraiser T-shirts. and I will be happy to donate this Phrase for the front of the T-Shirt (I even have a pdf of the letter-you could screenprint onto a t):

    Anesthesia is “Medically Unnecessary” during a colonoscopy – Anthem Blue Cross, reviewing pedo-trician Seymour Butts.

  60. I absolutely think you should make a button that says, “The Bloggess thinks I’m bad-ass” and then go around bestowing it! Then, when Nathan Fillion desperately wants one, you can, in turn, ignore him.

    I just want to point out that if Victor had given you the $1000, no questions asked, you would not have received over $400 via PayPal (eleven cents at a time), and then you wouldn’t have asked Nathan Fillion for a picture of him holding twine, and then you would not be under his voodoo curse, so there would be no infection and no super-expensive antibiotics, and you would have saved money!

    Serious note: I do hope Victor is feeling better. Those types of infection are no joke.

  61. Jeez, I hope Victor really appreciates his arm after this. Maybe you should set up some kind of daily punishment, er I meant worship where he has to use it doing important things like cleaning toilets or your hairbrush.

  62. Really sorry to hear that Victor’s arm has gotten to this point. I’ve seen an Rx almost that high; but I gambled and left the meds at the pharmacy since we didn’t have that much $$. Lucky for me it worked out in the end; but it took a long time. Sending him some healing vibes.

  63. I once found a dead raccoon in our freezer. It looked just like the one who bit me. Then I realized it WAS the one who bit me. My parents froze it, intending to have it tested for rabies, but they forgot or something and just threw it out after while. I didn’t get rabies.

  64. I couldn’t help but notice that in your picture of your Shorty Award speech, it says “Polticis”. Does that mean you really won two and didn’t want to brag?

    PS – A bone saw is always a wise investment. It will now make it so much easier to fill the (now empty) Indian burial ground.

  65. Jeez! I hope that antibiotic was laced with narcotics or SOMETHING. That’s nuts.

  66. Holy crap!! How in the world did you have all of that going on and still find time to blog…and make it interesting??!!? I’m baffled! I’m about to explode with all the crazy that is rising up around me…I’ve been AWOL from bloggyland forever. I’m a hot mess over hear. I sit in awe, mama!!!

  67. That prescription price is HORRIBLE! We get tons of prescriptions all the time (we’re such druggies, apparently) and I think $50 has been the maximum price. That must be some good stuff. I think I need to borrow some, STAT.

    Best wishes to all of you.

  68. $2,300.00 after insurance! Holy hell…perhaps you should have his arm gold plated after this! I hope your family is all on the mend soon.

  69. The Good: Victor is on the mend (along with you and Hailey too). The Bad: It cost a shitload of money these days to mend. The Ugly: What your future blogs will say about all of this…ok, switch Ugly to Awesome. Hang in there Jenny.

  70. You should really just start clean. At some point you’re going to be two or three years behind on your wrap up and it’s going to be really fucking confusing. I forgive you. We can all pretend the last three weeks just didn’t happen. K thanks, love ya.

  71. Your Sexis blog has been blocked from my work computer! And now the IT guys probably think I’m a creepy sex fiend. Tsk.
    Oh well, totally worth it.

  72. I was sorry to read about your cyber stalker. Hopefully it’s just somebody with poor enough judgement to mistake your raunchy humor for permission to send the kind of emails he has. If not there are ways to track him down and make it stop.

    Remember, That which does not kill you makes you stronger. (Unless of course it acutally kills you)
    You can look at it this way: either you’ll get stronger or you’ll get to meet God! itsa win-win baby!

  73. I swear to God that I did not place a voodoo curse on you
    by saying you were made out of it.

    But your taxidermied alligator probably did.

    I mean,
    have you *seen* his shifty shellacked eyes?

  74. I was all giddy to counter your non baby eating reasons. A couple of friends and I have seriously considered entering the dead baby trade so I had plenty of ammo. Let down… 🙂

  75. I hope you don’t skip reading comments this far down. I just have to say that my first reaction to reading the play date shirt was how awesome it would be if I wore that TShirt at work. I do child protection. I’m sure parents would really appreciate it. Ooooh, or even better, if I wore it to court. I do solemnly swear that if I am trying to get fired, this will be my first act.

  76. I don’t often comment but I have to say that ani-joke site is something I’ve been searching for my whole life!

  77. hi. new huge fan, first time commenter. xD (I hope you somehow get to read your comments this far back) The “aw” link took me to this:
    http://www.happyplace.com/9907/david-thorne-makes-co-workers-life-a-living-hell
    and then this (“a more in-depth look at the Beiber incident”) :
    http://www.happyplace.com/3701/guy-photoshops-justin-bieber-face-into-coworkers-entire-stock-photo-library

    and I thought you might appreciate it. 😀 I suddenly have a craving for a pickle.

Leave a Reply

%d bloggers like this: