I am totally overrated – Page 5

Watermelon is the secret code word

Whenever I’m at large events and I’m asked to write my name on those “HELLO, MY NAME IS” stickers I instead write “Watermelon is the secret code word.” Most people just look at me like I’m off and avoid me. Some people (usually the ones in large, boisterous groups) loudly yell “Secret code word for what?”Continue reading “Watermelon is the secret code word”

Day = made

I kept getting strange emails and tweets from people who said they’d seen me at Emerald City Comic Con yesterday but were too shy to say hi. And that’s weird because I’m usually the shy one, and also because I’m not at Emerald City Comic Con. And I wondered if my evil doppleganger had appeared, orContinue reading “Day = made”

Worst. Pet Shop. Ever.

Yesterday Victor and I took our nine-year-old to a pet shop to look at ferrets, because holding ferrets automatically makes your day brighter (both because ferrets are hysterical and also because they’re stinking up the pet shop and not your house). But when we started to walk in I saw this note on the door:Continue reading “Worst. Pet Shop. Ever.”

Well, that doesn’t bode well.

So, this is going around Facebook: I decided to try it, and the book next to me was the German translation of my book. The sentence is: “Der Familienlegende zufolge schlug der Mann meiner Ur-Ur-Grobtante, als die schon Über dreißig war und eines Tages am Frühstückstisch saß, seiner Frau von hinten einen Nagel in denContinue reading “Well, *that* doesn’t bode well.”

I’d kill everyone just out of spite, but I’m possibly too old and might break a hip.

Conversation with the guy at the video game store: Clerk: Can I help you find something? me: I’m looking for a new game. Something where you explore and solve puzzles but you don’t have to shoot anyone. Something like Myst, maybe? Clerk: I’m not familiar with it. me: Really? Myst? It was a super-big-deal videoContinue reading “I’d kill everyone just out of spite, but I’m possibly too old and might break a hip.”

I assure you, that was not my nipple.

So this week I did a keynote address at the Texas Conference for Women. The other keynote speakers were all uber-professional and awesome, and one was a nobel peace laureate, and they all said very important, inspirational things. And then I got on the stage and panicked and decided to do a reading from myContinue reading “I assure you, that was not my nipple.”