I am totally overrated – Page 4

In twitter, much like life, there is no rhyme or reason

I’ve never noticed it before, but apparently now you can look at your Twitter Activity Dashboard to see which of your tweets are actually being seen. I could already guess which of mine would be the highest ranked this year because I can see which ones get retweeted or favorited, but I thought I’d check to seeContinue reading “In twitter, much like life, there is no rhyme or reason”

UPDATED: As soon as ASU gets back to me I’ll be available for consultations and endorsements. And it will be awesome.

I’m not sure how it happened (I suspect voodoo) but I was somehow named the Distinguished Alumna of 2014 by Angelo State University, my hometown college. (ASU Magazine clipping at right to prove I’m not just drunk right now.) It was very flattering but equally baffling, and I spent the weekend pretending to be “distinguished” and hoping thatContinue reading “UPDATED: As soon as ASU gets back to me I’ll be available for consultations and endorsements. And it will be awesome.”

Forgive me. I’m only human. Or possibly not even that.

I just tried to leave a comment on someone’s blog, but instead of posting my comment, the blog stopped me and was like, “Not so fast, you. Are you even human?” Is this really a problem? Are there a lot of houseplants and robots trying to leave comments on blogs? Also, what does this even mean? WhyContinue reading “Forgive me. I’m only human. Or possibly not even that.”

I think I fucked this up.

I’ve never used Storify before so I decided to try it out. I have no clue if this will work or why it won’t let me post the whole thing without you having to click “go to the next page” at the bottom. (For the love of God, don’t click “view as a slideshow” orContinue reading “I think I fucked this up.”

This is why I’m almost never asked to write for the news.

So HLN asked me if I’d write a piece for them about having sex after babies, but I pointed out that I think sex after having a baby isn’t all that different from sex after any other desperately demanding job that causes complete exhaustion and irritability. An overworked, kid-free friend of mine told me that her husband recentlyContinue reading “This is why I’m almost never asked to write for the news.”

You’ll shoot your eye out.

I just saw this on the “Buy-one-get-one-half-off” rack at our local toy store: I assumed the eye-patch was for after you’d shot your brother’s eye out, but Victor thought that it was perhaps preventative, because if you were pretending to be a pirate while being shot at you’d have one less eye exposed to the crossfire. Either way,Continue reading “You’ll shoot your eye out.”