I swear to God I donate to Doctors without Borders

Dear internet: You have lost your damn mind. Never change.

If this is your first time here you should skip this post. Really. Go away until tomorrow. It’s one long run-on sentence and makes almost no sense and it’s filled with typos. I haven’t slept in two days. The last 36 hours has been strange even by my personal standards. First of all, after twoContinue reading “Dear internet: You have lost your damn mind. Never change.”

I blame the earthquake

I get hundreds of emails a week asking me to help with charities but I don’t do anything with them because I get too depressed when I read about them, but this particular email made me laugh in a particularly guilty sort of way so I’m reprinting it here: Dear The Bloggess (Jenny) – FirstContinue reading “I blame the earthquake”

If I wake up as a puddle of blood tomorrow he’s going to feel really bad.

me: I’m dying. Victor: You’re not dying. You have a cold. me: I have hemorrhagic fever. Victor: Did you just make that up? me: No, I’m deadly serious. First of all, I have a fever, and last night I had a nosebleed, and now my teeth are bleeding. Victor: I’m pretty sure teeth can’t bleed.Continue reading “If I wake up as a puddle of blood tomorrow he’s going to feel really bad.”

We've all established that Sarah has an anteater

Yahoo’s most popular news story last week was (for real, y’all) breaking news about an ant invasion in my neighborhood. I heard there was also some sort of earthquake somewhere, but it wasn’t in America so no one cares. Anyway, Victor suggested a pet anteater might stem the coming invasion so I went on the net and stumbled on this “I’ve gotContinue reading “We've all established that Sarah has an anteater”

I both sicken and amuse myself.

What I just heard on the radio: “…and as of today over a million shoes have been donated to Feed the Children in Darfur.” Me to myself: The hell? Why are we feeding shoes to children? Oh waaaait. Now I get it. Ha! I should blog this. I should totally find the sound bite for this commercial and say something about howContinue reading “I both sicken and amuse myself.”