Just sad – Page 4 – The Bloggess

What’s really sad is that this isn’t a joke at all and that my mom actually was subjected to all of these emails

A series of inappropriate emails I sent to my mother which she has not responded to at all. (This is all totally true, by the way. That’s what makes it so very awful. FYI: Lisa is my sister. Gabi is my niece. My mother is a saint.) To: Mom Sent: 2:02pm Weird. I can’t evenContinue reading “What’s really sad is that this isn’t a joke at all and that my mom actually was subjected to all of these emails”

I didn’t even know people still used America Online. Except for my grampa. He fucking loves it. He also might be one of the people yelling at me. True story.

It’s Sunday, which means it’s time for my weekly wrap-up but instead of the usual “shit-I-did-this-week-when-I-wasn’t-here” banner I’m going to share a picture of an actual sign in my neighborhood because how-did-someone-not-catch-this?: This week on my sex column (which is satirical and relatively safe for work if your boss isn’t a douche canoe): Four Things ToContinue reading “I didn’t even know people still used America Online. Except for my grampa. He fucking loves it. He also might be one of the people yelling at me. True story.”

Let’s vow to never have 2009 again.

Tonight I’m sitting here at home reflecting on the success of my last year’s New Year’s Resolution, which was to never, ever come up with New Year’s Resolutions again. It worked out well, if by “worked out well” you mean “failed to accomplish anything of value at all”. Which I do. So, yay me. ThisContinue reading “Let’s vow to never have 2009 again.”

If I wake up as a puddle of blood tomorrow he’s going to feel really bad.

me: I’m dying. Victor: You’re not dying. You have a cold. me: I have hemorrhagic fever. Victor: Did you just make that up? me: No, I’m deadly serious. First of all, I have a fever, and last night I had a nosebleed, and now my teeth are bleeding. Victor: I’m pretty sure teeth can’t bleed.Continue reading “If I wake up as a puddle of blood tomorrow he’s going to feel really bad.”

Baby, don’t go back.

You know that guy who sings the “Baby Come Back” song? She should totally not come back. Because first the guy is all “Any kind of fool could see I was wrong” but then right after that he’s all “You can blame it all on me” like he’s being so fucking noble for letting herContinue reading “Baby, don’t go back.”

One day I will be normal. (Updated)

Warning: This is utterly unlike me and if it’s the first time you’ve come here you should skip this whole post and go read this one about how the GPS lady is trying to murder me. I just needed to get this off my chest tonight for me and for everyone else who suffers fromContinue reading “One day I will be normal. (Updated)”