What’s really sad is that this isn’t a joke at all and that my mom actually was subjected to all of these emails

A series of inappropriate emails I sent to my mother which she has not responded to at all. (This is all totally true, by the way.  That’s what makes it so very awful.  FYI: Lisa is my sister.  Gabi is my niece.  My mother is a saint.) To: Mom Sent: 2:02pm Weird. I can’t evenContinue reading “What’s really sad is that this isn’t a joke at all and that my mom actually was subjected to all of these emails”

I didn’t even know people still used America Online. Except for my grampa. He fucking loves it. He also might be one of the people yelling at me. True story.

It’s Sunday, which means it’s time for my weekly wrap-up but instead of the usual “shit-I-did-this-week-when-I-wasn’t-here” banner I’m going to share a picture of an actual sign in my neighborhood because how-did-someone-not-catch-this?: This week on my sex column (which is satirical and relatively safe for work if your boss isn’t a douche canoe): Four Things ToContinue reading “I didn’t even know people still used America Online. Except for my grampa. He fucking loves it. He also might be one of the people yelling at me. True story.”

If I wake up as a puddle of blood tomorrow he’s going to feel really bad.

me:  I’m dying. Victor:  You’re not dying.  You have a cold. me:  I have hemorrhagic fever. Victor:  Did you just make that up? me:  No, I’m deadly serious.  First of all, I have a fever, and last night I had a nosebleed, and now my teeth are bleeding. Victor:  I’m pretty sure teeth can’t bleed.Continue reading “If I wake up as a puddle of blood tomorrow he’s going to feel really bad.”

%d bloggers like this: