Just sad – Page 3 – The Bloggess

Netflix thinks I’m a religious psychopath

So last week Victor installed Netflix on our Wii and I don’t understand how that works so I just stared at him blankly when he tried to explain it and the entire time I’m like “You are wasting money” but he did it anyway and now I can’t stop watching movies about serial killers. AndContinue reading “Netflix thinks I’m a religious psychopath”

Motherfucker.

I just went to brush my teeth but we were out of toothpaste so I pulled out this tiny little travel tube that the stewardess gave me when I went to Japan and it’s the size of a hamster femur so I squeezed it all out onto the toothbrush and then I started to feelContinue reading “Motherfucker.”

I honestly still don’t know what the answer is. UPDATED: Wait. Yes, I do. But I think I was happier when I didn’t.

Conversation with Victor at iHop: me: Ugh. I hate it when they don’t give you enough spaces to write the answers. Victor: What? Why the hell are you doing the puzzle on the kid’s menu? me: Because you’re too busy playing with your phone to talk to me and also because puzzles help stave offContinue reading “I honestly still don’t know what the answer is. UPDATED: Wait. Yes, I do. But I think I was happier when I didn’t.”

WTF, me? (UPDATED)

I can barely even type this because my hand is all swollen but I was just putting Barnaby Jones to bed when he suddenly did this flip which almost broke my flipping-off finger and then he ran in between my legs and I fell so hard that I couldn’t even move and the dog wasContinue reading “WTF, me? (UPDATED)”

RIP, Aunt Ollene

My sister, Lisa, just called to tell me that our great aunt Ollene just died and we decided to go in together on a flower arrangement and so I ordered it online from the florist across the street from the funeral home and it was very nice because their website basically pre-populates all the funeralContinue reading “RIP, Aunt Ollene”

Dear Google: Stop trying to help. You’re making it worse.

This morning someone asked me why there are 12 days of Christmas. And honestly, I have no fucking idea. So I decided to google it and then I stabbed myself in the head. Why? Because I don’t want to live in a world where so many people are asking Google ridiculous questions that Google is allContinue reading “Dear Google: Stop trying to help. You’re making it worse.”