no one thinks this is funny but me – Page 20

And then I got bit in the face by a fox. Or stabbed. Depends on who you talk to.

I’m back. I spent the week in Gruene (pronounced Green) working on my book. Final list of accomplishments: 11 new pages Fell into the river Bit on the face by a fox Sat on a bar in a ghost town while dressed as an armed prostitute Gruene is one of my favorite places on earthContinue reading “And then I got bit in the face by a fox. Or stabbed. Depends on who you talk to.”

True fact: I like Victor better before he has coffee and turns into a grown-up.

Conversation I had with Victor at the gas station that we go to every morning for coffee after we take Hailey to school: Victor: Dude, we look fucking crazy. Everyone else in here is in a suit on the way to work. You’re wearing pajamas and my shirt says “That’s MY potpie”. me: We don’tContinue reading “True fact: I like Victor better before he has coffee and turns into a grown-up.”

Good to know.

The most baffling compliment I’ve gotten this week:

It really ties the room together.

Me: I bought a rug for the living room. Victor: Oh. It’s okay. me: It’s “okay?” It’s awesome. Victor: Really? Is it bulletproof? me: Um…no? But it matches the couch. Victor: Well, clearly we have very different standards. ***************** And now for my weekly wrap-up of shit-I-did-this-week-when-wasn’t-here: This week on my sex column (which is satiricalContinue reading “It really ties the room together.”

I suspect Victor is lying to me because he feels threatened by my powers

I was just outside and I heard this thrumming noise and I stopped short because I thought maybe it was a snake and I looked around and finally realized that I was hearing the sound of a hummingbird flapping it’s wings and I was all “Victor? I don’t want to alarm you but I thinkContinue reading “I suspect Victor is lying to me because he feels threatened by my powers”

The Stanley Hotel: Totally fucking haunted. Maybe.

So this weekend Victor and I dropped Hailey off at her grandparents and went on a one-day vacation to the Stanley Hotel. (This is not a sponsored post, by the way. We totally paid for it ourselves. Which is why it was for only one day.) I’ve always wanted to go to the Stanley. ItContinue reading “The Stanley Hotel: Totally fucking haunted. Maybe.”