The Stanley Hotel: Totally fucking haunted. Maybe.

So this weekend Victor and I dropped Hailey off at her grandparents and went on a one-day vacation to the Stanley Hotel.  (This is not a sponsored post, by the way.  We totally paid for it ourselves.  Which is why it was for only one day.)  I’ve always wanted to go to the Stanley.  It was the hotel that inspired Stephen King to write The Shining and it’s supposedly one of the most haunted locations in America.  Hi.  I am a tremendous dork.

Disclaimer:  I’m too busy to write the whole thing out properly so instead I’m just copying straight from my journal.  If you’re easily grossed out or don’t believe in ghosts you might want to skip this one.

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Last week: Victor called to get us a room and I told him we needed to be on the 4th floor because that one’s the most haunted and he looked at me like I was insane but turns out that the only room still left on the 4th floor was room 401, which was still available because it’s supposedly the most haunted room in the hotel.  Victor says it was probably still available because it costs like $100 extra to stay in that room.  Then I demanded that Victor book us that room and he was all “We’re not paying extra to sleep in a room you probably won’t even be able to sleep in” and I was like “BOOK THE DAMN HAUNTED ROOM OR I WILL BURN THE HOUSE DOWN” and he was all “You could use that extra money to get a massage at the spa” and I was like “Is it a haunted massage?  Because if not these aren’t even remotely on the same level.  I’m kind of baffled I’m having to explain this to you. Baffled” and he was all “Yeah, there’s a lot of that going around” and I was like “Just get us a haunted room, okay?  But don’t get us the room where that man-bear-pig was giving the butler a blow-job.  I don’t want to stay in that room” and he was all “…WTF?” and I was like “Dude, have you even seen The Shining?  Why are we still talking? ORDER THE DAMN ROOM” and then he did.  Probably because he was too stunned by my man-bear-pig-butler-blowjob retort to think straight.  Which is why I said it. These are the things they should teach you in debate class.

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Stanley Hotel. Not to scale.

Arrived at the Stanley and went straight to the bar.  I insisted in calling the bartender “Lloyd“.  Victor thinks I’m insane.  I think I need to buy Victor more books.  The bartender somehow splashed booze on us but was very sweet about it.  I considered making a joke about being surprised by “spirits” but I didn’t because I figured he probably gets that shit all the time. You fucking owe me, Lloyd.

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Checked into our room (401), which is supposedly haunted by the vaguely evil Lord Dunraven and the nanny prostitutes that stayed there.  It’s the same room Jason from GhostHunters stayed in when the closet door opened and closed and his glass was shattered.  According to legend, if women stand in the closet they are often molested by Lord Dunraven.  Stood in the closet. Nothing. Loudly exclaimed “Oh!  I seem to have forgotten to wear underwear.” Still nothing. Awesome. Now I just feel unattractive. Lord Dunraven is an asshole.

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Told Victor that I forgot to bring the EMF detector but that I did bring Hailey’s Mexican jumping beans and they’d probably work just as well at detecting ghosts because they jump when they’re hot or cold or angry so they probably jump when they feel ghosts too.  Victor asked me why I think they jump when they’re angry so I shook them in their box to show him how they’d react.  They just layed there.  I explained that they were probably just stunned.  Victor won’t stop sighing.

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There’s a ton of tour groups that keep stopping outside our door.  The guide is telling them about how haunted the room is.  Victor starts scratching on the door and making strangling noises.  I do love that man.  I felt bad for all the people who were going on the tours but couldn’t see our room so I invited 42 people into my hotel room so they could all attempt getting groped unwillingly.  Feels a lot like college.

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Went on the History/Ghost Tour with our adorable tour guide (Kevin) who probably quit right after we left.  He was really excited to be able to show us room 217 (the room Stephen King stayed in when he came up with The Shining) because it’s almost always booked so we explored it while Kevin told us that one couple had left in the middle of the night after the ghost of “Mrs. Wilson” crawled in between the two of them in their bed.  Kevin subtly explained that the couple was unmarried and that Mrs. Wilson was old-fashioned and probably just didn’t like unmarried couples sharing a bed.  Then I said “Or maybe she just likes threesomes” and I thought I just said it in my head but apparently I said it out loud because everyone looked at me strangely and so Kevin tried to change the subject by pointing out that this was the room in The Shining where the corpse was floating in the bathtub and jokingly asked if anyone wanted to get in the bathtub and so I totally ran into the bathroom and Victor was all “What the fuck are you doing?” and I was all “I’m trying to beat the rush” and he was like “NO ONE ELSE IS GETTING IN THE BATHTUB.  KEVIN WAS BEING SARCASTIC” but I just rolled my eyes and climbed into the tub because who turns down the chance to take a death portrait in Stephen King’s bathtub? Apparently? Everyone.

If you’re easily freaked out you shouldn’t look at this.  You should look at this instead.  Oh wait…no.  That one’s worse.  Maybe this one? You know what? If you’re easily freaked out you probably shouldn’t be reading this blog anyway.  This was a terrible decision for you.

I had to photoshop the blood in because otherwise it just looked like I was some drunk chick passed out in an empty bathtub. This is the kind of artistic shot I'm always expecting when I go to Sears Portrait Studio. I am *continually* disappointed.

Then Victor gave me that look like “Why are you like this?” and I was all “I dunno.  I’m probably possessed” because that’s the best excuse to use when you’re staying at a haunted hotel and you want to do something ridiculous.  Or when you need pancakes at 2am, or when you spend too much money in the gift shop  Or when you accidentally murder your daughter’s Mexican jumping beans.  I used it a lot.

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Part two is here...

186 thoughts on “The Stanley Hotel: Totally fucking haunted. Maybe.

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I love this. Your adventures are the exact kind of adventures I wish I could think of going on or else I do think of it but then I forget.

  2. If I were a chick I would make a period joke about the bathtub picture, maybe reminiscing about one time when something very similar happened to me, but it would be super-insensitive of me to say that as a dude so just forget about it. Glad you had a fun trip!

  3. Lord Dunraven=Douchelord: Lord of the Douches.

    I’m new to your blog, but I don’t think it’s too soon to tell you that I’m in love with your writing. I want to be you. Or on you. Pick your favorite.

  4. Who wouldn’t jump in that bathtub! I mean seriously, you’re on the tour, he offered. Now if it was a guillotine on a Tale of Two Cities tour I might reconsider…

  5. This is the BEST, I love how enthusiastic you are about this hotel! I would be too. Oh, I would be too.

    What the hell is the point of living life if you don’t act like a child? They have the most fun!

  6. WOW. You are quite possibly the bravest girl… ever. I totally believe in ghost. I have one in my house, and was convinced a goblin was living in my closet. I finally cleaned the closet. No goblin. It must have moved into my girls room (they like mess and clutter ya know!)
    Both my husband and I have seen children walking in our darkened hallway…while the kids are IN the room with us. No windows, so not shadows. I’m afraid to take pictures because something just might show up!! (and it would be proof I live in a cluttered mess) Ignorance is bliss..and not quite as scary.
    Can someone come take the ghosts home with them? And that scary critter that lives out on our acres??

  7. Wow. You are BRAVE, lady! That movie scarred me FOREVER! I wouldn’t go within 100 feet of that hotel and there you went right to the heart of its darkness. Bravo!
    My day will now be totally haunted by the pig-man-butler-OH DEAR GOD!!!!

  8. I must say, you made a beautiful and unnaturally serene corpse. If it were me it would look like a sumo-wrestler died trying to squish someone underneath them in the tub. I think I’ll got have some celerynow.

    Victor completely redeemed himself with the scratching and strangling noises!

  9. Ugh. I saw your tweets while you were there and I live in Denver. I totally tried to convince my husband to make a trip in the middle of the night to Estes, just to see you. Because I’m crazy like that. Be flattered.

  10. If you want to be freaked out, you should go stay at Timberline Lodge where The Shining was filmed……Jack still haunts those halls……..well, I’m sure he will once he dies but considering he isn’t dead yet I guess he can’t really haunt anything huh. I really need some medication.

  11. I tried to watch the shining once when I as 14 before an exam. I ended up not sleeping for weeks and can no longer watch jack Nicholson movies.
    Or Nicholas cage movies.
    But that’s just because that guy is a terrible actor.

    I would read the book but I don’t want to. I like sleep and have an overactive imagination.

  12. I would have totally jumped in the bathtub. I would have flirted with the bartender too – told my husband I was possessed! Rock on…

  13. You are the coolest of cool, I could never never EVER do that. I am waaaayy to big of a chicken shit. Can’t wait for part duex!

  14. Haha awesome. the photo reminds me of when my friend and I filmed a horror movie in high school and splattered fake blood all over her bathroom. though the best part of that movie was when my cat ate her dad. I’m pretty sure it gave me nightmares even though I was the one that mixed the tuna/food dye that the cat ate off of his arm.

  15. I don’t believe in ghosts, but if I ever did a tour like that, I’d want you to be on the tour too. You’re hilarious! “Or maybe she just likes threesomes”

  16. That would be an awesome place to stay!!!! FUN! And maybe you didn’t get molested because he knows you could kick his pervy ghost ass!

  17. I’m anxiously awaiting part 2 .. and it damn well better include a story about freaky twins and utterances of “red rum” at night, in the hallway. If not, I’ll be incredibly disappointed. I have however, printed out your death portait and I’m hanging it on my bathroom mirror (a subtle reminder for my hubby to refill the toilet paper with a note says… “Change the TP dammit, or this could be you.. ” What do ya think… too subtle?

  18. And this is one of the reasons I love you. If you ever come to GA, we totally have to go ghost hunting together (and, I mean Atlanta, not South GA. It’s freaky down there, and then in the north we have mountain people…Just come to Atlanta). I’m really surprised that you were able to stay there with the panic disorder, because I really want to do something like this, I might have a room booked, but I’m all worried I will have panic attacks and ruin it for everyone. Even the ghosts.

  19. I totally relate to this story because, even though I’m not afraid of ghosts (because I don’t believe in them), I do have this phobia and recurring nightmare of becoming or going on vacation with the type of person who would want to do this sort of thing.

    Hello, Jenny the Bloggess.

  20. I don’t have the cajones for a ghost tour. An overnight trip would scare me dead. I always tell myself I need to go to Waverly Sanitarium because it’s in town but I can’t. Me = Pussy.

  21. You are that person inside me that says “Go ahead, open that door.” or “I’m gonna tell him he’s hot and see what happens.” or “If I just took that money out of the register, she will never even notice.” Ok, well maybe not that last one but you are my guts, my balls, my moxy. I knew you were there, I just never take advantage of you. Wait, you’re inside me and I never take advantage of you?? This comment went all kinds of wrong.

  22. When you stood in the closet, was Victor there? Maybe Lord Dunraven is a decent gentleman: he does not take another man’s woman right in front of him. He’ll only do that after the man is “out of the picture”, one way or another. So you kind of saved Victor’s life. He’s welcome.

  23. Best. Vacation. Ever. Booze, paranormal activity, AND interspecies fellatio? I hope when your daughter is old enough (like next week) you start taking her with you on such excursions. Those are the kinds of memories that will last a lifetime, and possibly longer.

  24. I’m such a loser for stuff like this. I went on a ghost tour in the Edinburgh Vaults which would have been scary if my friend hadn’t fallen down the stairs before we’d even got in. There’s something about trying to stifle uncontrollable giggles while dodging death stares from the tour guide.
    Oh well.

  25. I’m not even a big Stephen King fan, and I would’ve been taking creepy tub pictures. That’s the kind of thing a tour guide should know better than to sarcastically suggest around anyone with even a slight vibe of awesome about them.

    Also funny that Victor was sighing at your antics, but adding some door scratching spice to the ghost tours past your room. He’s secretly the same kind of cool as you. He’s just in the closet about it. And by that I mean in the metaphorical shame closet, not the molesty closet at the hotel.

  26. Ohhhh, now I know why my parents wouldn’t let me see The Shinning. Thanks!

    Yes, shaking jumping beans too much is like shaking babies. Not good, unless you want to kill them. Then it’s ok.

  27. I used to live in Colorado and one afternoon, my kids and I went up to the Shining Hotel (it has another name?) and had a picnic on the grass out front. Then we explored the hotel and I prayed we’d see ghosts. I wanted to go play on the elevator and hit up different floors, but apparently you’re not allowed to do that. I know because I got in trouble. Anyhow, I have a collage of photos on my wall from this day and in the center is a photo of the actual hotel. It’s surrounded by photos of my kids and I. My husband thinks I’m strange because the hotel is the focal point. I just think he’s an idiot.

    That photo of you in the tub with the photo shopped blood is totally hot! You should frame it and hang it over your bed instead of mirrors to help set the mood.

  28. 2 things 1. DId you know today is Stephen King’s Birthday? Well it is, for real. So I think that means that you guys are somehow psychically connected. 2. I love in Maine. MAINE! We’re all the crazy Stephen King shit goes down. Also, it’s his homeland, his habitat if you will. If you ever come up here you can visit where all the creepy towns would be if they actually existed. OR just go hangout in front of his house and stare at the gate. I’d totally go with you, bail you out/and or drive the getaway car.

  29. That last comment should say WHERE all the crazy Stephen King shit goes down, not We’re. But now that I think about it, we kind of are crazy Stephen King shit up here…

  30. I lived in Colorado for 10 years and never managed a stay at the Stanley. I did, however, drive past it several times a year on my way to the YMCA of the Rockies camp. Maybe I need to take a vacation out there. Yeah, except the Spousal Unit would probably rather stay at the YMCA camp. I married a crazy man.

  31. My sister stayed in the Stanley on her honeymoon. They got divorced a year later. There’s probably no connection, but you can never be sure.

    PS: You are awesome at pretending to be dead. If I ever have a Halloween party, you are totally invited.

  32. Part 2. Now. I’m dying over here – I watched that Ghost Hunters and now I have to know how this slumber party went down.

  33. Out of all your posts, this one is the most disturbing. Some are more entertaining or amusing or horrifying. But this? Disturbing.
    I can’t believe you have a sequel planned. That’s just sick.

  34. Wow, Jenny. I totally know the woman who does the ghost hunting stuff at the Stanley. And, I have some other major ghosty connections. You should e-mail me. We need to talk.

  35. Do you realize that Mexican Jumping Beans are haunted by moth caterpillars? They shift around inside the bean and then they move… maybe that’s not really haunting and more like a tricksy psychic, making you think you’re talking to old Uncle Bart but it’s not your uncle at all.

  36. Here’s how dumb I am. I didn’t even know this place really existed and I LOVE The Shining.

    So, now I’m going to have to give my husband head so that we can go.

  37. OMG, this post is freakin’ hysterical! New to your blog but I just had to comment cause this is good, good stuff! I’m still chuckling! Will definitely return for part 2!
    Bella

  38. Ewwwww. I’m just weirded out that you are in the bathtub, I mean, think how many other weirdos have been in that bathtub. I can’t ever get in bathtubs, it could be because mine was full of shit twice last month, but I had an aversion to bathtubs before that. Haunted or not, that’s just gross, wallowing in your own filth. AT *least* you kept your clothes on under all of the blood (Im assuming), but maybe you would have moved your molestation along a little if you had stripped down….. I bet Kevin would have been all over that like white on rice.

  39. ZOMG BESTEST!!! i love that photo of you! i cannot WAIT for part two. i hope it’s not too long because i’m not stalking you, obviously, but i love reading your posts. and looking at your pictures. and basically stalking you. without, you know, ACTUALLY stalking you.

    but who WOULDN’T have jumped in that tub? really. i don’t even love stephen king or ‘the shining’ but i would have been right behind you. because when else are you going to be able to do something like that?

    NEVER is the answer. or at least, VERY RARELY is the answer.

  40. OK so it’s really clear you need to come down here to my neck of the woods, we are famous for our spooky ghosts. But I cleared my land had it checked for dead bodies and built the house myself because I like to visit crazy, not live it. Which is probably why I read your blog.

  41. I talk such a good game when it comes to ghosts. I would LOVE to stay there or any number of other inns and hotels I’ve seen on Ghost Hunters… but to actually do it? I’d be way too chicken shit to actually do it.

    I cannot wait for part 2 and I’d totally have gotten in the bathtub, too. You know, if I went there. Which I won’t because of the aforementioned chicken-shittedness.

    HM

  42. I had so damned much fun reading this post. I would love to go to the Stanley Hotel and play around in there but hubby/plaything isn’t into hauntings or spending $100 extra for room 401. He says it’s scary enough trying to keep me from spending money needlessly. Personally, just to have the experience of being in a haunted place is cool for me.

  43. The Shining is weird. I’ve spent far too much time trying to understand it. Plus, why would man-bear-pigs be wearing super cheap costumes when they’re freaking GHOSTS? Can’t they conjure up something a little classier than that?

  44. You’ve got a big, hairy pair ‘cos you couldn’t pay me to even walk past that hotel, let alone stay in it. Maybe that’s why Lord Dunraven didn’t fondle your goodies. He was intimidated.

  45. I do like to hear about exploits that feature the supernatural. Except that you haven’t yet featured the supernatural, only the possiblity of it. I don’t mind that though, because part 2 is coming up tomorrow and I bet you will deliver. The only thing is, that hotel looks like it was built what, like 50 years ago? It can’t be that haunted surely?

    I live in a house in England that was built in 1546. One bedroom is haunted. I came back last week to find the door shut, the lights on, and all the closet doors and drawers open. I felt like I should have been scared, but to be honest I was a bit pissed off that I had to shut them all again.

  46. You’re totally brave, Bloggess; I punched my husband for saying he thought he saw my dead grandpa standing by the water heater in the creepy basement of my grandparent’s house where we were forced to sleep on a hide-a-bed that I’m pretty sure was possessed also. Or maybe the springs were just bad. And this was after my grandma told me that there were ghosts in the backyard who you could hear chatting at night, so naturally I was pretty pissed off that my husband thought it was appropriate to freak my shit out further by saying he saw the ghost of grandpappy by the damn water heater. I’m super intolerant of scary ghost shit, probably because my parents let me watch Poltergeist when I was like eight years old. Same reason I’m irrationally afraid of sharks, even in swimming pools, which is totally ridiculous because there is NO WAY a shark could get into a swimming pool, but fucking Jaws messed my shit up.

  47. Oh, and I lived in a really, seriously haunted house when I was younger. One time, what looked to be blood started coming out of the faucets when they were turned off. It was awesome, and terrifying, but awesome and I wish I would have had a camera (that was before digital cameras came in the quarter machines). And I used to hear footsteps all the time, and my curtain-for-a-door would move like someone was pushing it out of the way. And the screaming… there was screaming. But I think it may have been me.

    AWESOME, I tell you. I would move back in a heartbeat.

  48. My mom and step-dad got married in the Stanley. No ghost-sign when I stayed there either.
    We’re overdue for a stay there.
    On our first anniversary we stayed at the Fairplay Hotel – also supposedly haunted. http://www.hauntedcolorado.net/Fairplay.html and yeah, it had been remodeled and was about as haunted as my laundry room.
    Sadly, we’re still haunted by the memories of the dinner we had… which was so awful it was laughable. I had mashed potatoes and gravy that literally had no flavor. Like water with texture. No seriously.

    Anyhoo…. LOVE the pic. Love.

  49. This was crazy cool. I sooo wanna go to the Stanley hotel too. But I would probably be freaking out if I saw little kids.
    I wish you my best friend!

  50. The first time I saw The Shining I was 15. At that time, I played softball on a team that travelled around for tournaments and so we would stay in hotels a lot during the season. After seeing the movie my family continued to be put in room 237 (which was the room in the movie instead of 217) and it totally fucked with my head.

    Then one trip, a teammate’s 16 year old brother decided that he wanted nothing more in life than to make out with me which I happily agreed to because he totally had a truck. He came to my hotel room while my parents went out for dinner. When my parents got back we both got yelled at and I was grounded.

    What I’m trying to say is, getting felt up in a creepy ass hotel room by some dude (even if he’s a Lord and/or has a truck) isn’t always what it’s all cracked up to be.

  51. I’m so living through you. This was amazing. My husby is too much of a wimp I’m pretty sure. I have been begging for weeks now for him to say “yes dear, we can go on the haunted ghost walk this Halloween”. I LIVE in a haunted town for the sake of Pete! There is an old haunted speakeasy up the street and the basement of the pizza parlor is all dead cowboy spirits. But no, I married a wuss puss.

  52. I was at the Stanley in June, and I only got to stay in one of the crappy, non-haunted rooms. (Where “crappy”=”still pretty cool because I still got to watch ‘The Shining’ on an endless loop”.) I’m so jealous of you for getting to stay in room 401. I would totally kill a small animal for the opportunity to stand in a closet and dare Dunraven to grope me.

  53. Your photoshopping talents are A+. Sears portrait studio should defnitely hire you.
    You could be the “death pose” sepcialist. You would only have to work like 2 months out of the year… September for the early Halloween enthusiasts and October for those of us that forget it is that time of year as it is 90 f*ing degrees in San Antonio.
    You should utilize some Hershey’s syrup and reenact the Psycho bathtub scene next fr your portfolio. But a second bathtub soot might paint you into a corner, so you would need to add in an outside death to show proper range.

  54. My mom made me watch The Shining with her when I was about nine years old. This experience didn’t affect me whatsoever. Except I’m terrified of typewriters, twins, blood floods and fast-paced aging women. Oh, and axes.

  55. Thanks for bringing up beans with bugs in them. I had totally forgotten about that. Now I’ll probably never be able to eat a pinto bean again. Nice-going, Jenny.

  56. I heart you.

    I think JC Penney’s photo studio will do the blood thing, though. Sears won’t because they’re constantly touting their “Softer Side.” Which is not going to get too many people rushing to make appointments for photos of that quality.

  57. You must have moved much farther west than I imagined. Driving to Estes Park is not a short trip…I’ve passed by the Stanley, but I never stayed there. Love the fake blood and ghostliness of the picture! (Who wouldn’t jump in the tub? People are lame)

  58. Oh how I wish I could have gone to the Stanley hotel with you!! It sounds like I would have appreciated it much more than Victor, lol. 😉 And I totally would have posed in the bathtub too.

  59. Awesome!! I’m so jealous you got to stay there, I LOVE anything ghosty, although I probably wouldn’t have been brave enough to get in the closet for the groping. (No matter how good it supposedly is.) Looks like you had a great time, can’t wait to hear more!

  60. I seriously hope that in part 2 you actually run into some kind of spectral being, and I’m not talking about Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan!

    Tell Victor that if he needs to read the book it’s in your freezer, right?

  61. You make me laugh, we so could be friends except your younger and I have two teenagers. I tried to write a comment before and it vanished. Seriously.

  62. Dude! KEVIN was OUR tour guide when we went on the Stanley Hotel Ghost Tour last fall. He IS adorable. He made ghost orbs chase my 8-year-old son down a long hallway. It was totally awesome. Did he take you into the basement??

  63. This summer I dragged my two teenage daughters on a “haunted” tour of Bangor (where Stephen King lives, except when he’s living in Florida or wherever) Not only did we not see one single ghost, the tour guy got all the facts wrong. SO, to everyone’s great relief I corrected him repeatedly. I’m fun that way.

    In 1988 my boyfriend and I sat in front of Stephen King during the movie Rattle and Hum. He read a book the whole time. Dude is weird.

    Oh and I am insanely jealous of you. Well for all sorts of reasons, but visiting the Overlook–most of all.

  64. Its not truly haunted until someone does a dramatic reading of The Dreamcatcher. People will be jumping from windows and everything.
    Nah, but seriously? You’re so lucky. The Stanley Hotel is my version of Disney World. Forget Mickey (though Mickey is pretty metal); quick, cuddle up to Jack and see if he’ll stop foaming at the mouth for a few seconds. Nevermind – the foam adds character to the picture.

  65. Ok, it’s official…you are my new hero! Sometimes, I think…”how incredible, someone who’s mad world parallels our own”, but you are obviously much more creative than I.

    *bows down to the bloggess*

  66. That is so awesome. If I had been on that tour, I would’ve raced you to the tub. There is no way I could pass up an opportunity like that.

  67. manbearpig giving dude a blowjob. i must have missed that scene when i watched the movie in junior high. or i didn’t understand it. or something.

  68. Where are the hoses? You went to The Stanley and forget to get pictures of fire hoses? Amateur.

    The late husband and I honeymooned at The Stanley because he was a huge Stephen King geek/fanboy. There were no ghost tours, but we wandered about until the lack of haunting bored him and he went to take a nap. I went to take a swim. The pool was sorta creepy. Did your guide mention phenomena there? Cuz it would totally fit if he did.

    Seriously, hoses. The tub was good, but you need to show hoses for full effect. Sigh. Hallowed ground. You are SO lucky.

    P.S. If you want to really experience haunting, come to my house for a weekend.

  69. The front of the Stanley and the bar was also used in Dumb & Dumber – “WE’VE LANDED ON THE MOON!”

  70. I just wanted to say I’m a dork too, in that here in St. Louis we have the actual Exorcist house. The actual house the possessed boy lived in that they made the movie about. Unfortunately it’s closed to the public, but I have seen video of the inside and it is IDENTICAL to the movie house.

    Now I’m going to go back and read your post.

    See? Dork.

  71. So this is why me and you should be friends. Because not only would I have jumped in the tub too but I totally don’t see why that is weird. I don’t understand why more people didn’t get in the tub. I mean they are on this tour with you so I am SURE they have seen The Shining (or read the book) or why else are they there? SO of course they want to take the once in a lifetime opportunity to take a picture in the tub! THEY are the weirdos. Not you….or me….<3

  72. do you watch The Office? The one where Jan is talking about having the baby in a birthing tub and Creed comments that with the afterbirth it must have looked like the tide at Omaha Beach there?

    Yeah, I can’t do better than that on a comment on your last picture.

    Except the Sears thing. Damn, you are GOOD!

  73. My in-laws recently took our 10-yr old daughter on this tour, and while I was at home worrying about her getting scared, she was being disappointed in the total unhauntedness of the tour.

    And I’ll have to ask if she got Kevin.

  74. I think Mrs. Wilson MADE you say aloud that she digs threesomes because she wants to get the word out. It’s hard to discuss sexual proclivities with anyone, let alone a stranger, let alone a stranger in another astral realm.
    On an unrelated note, I can’t wait to give a haunted massage! I’ll turn off the lights, play some scary sound effects or Mike Oldfield’s ‘Tubular Bells’. Then, I’ll apply lotion to… whoever I sucker into this. Then I’ll stop touching them and gently blow air across their moistened skin to try to get give them goosebumps. Then I’ll just randomly touch them w/ various object until they are creeped out and/or annoyed, at which point I’ll yell “BOO!” and poke their ribs. And that’s all they’ll get. Because haunted massages should be like haunted houses: overpriced, disappointing, and ultimately not really that scary.

  75. OMG Jenny! You make me laugh. I love that about you. I’ve met Jason from Ghost Hunters. Just thought I’d throw that out there. And The Shining is one of my favorite movies of all time. The Kubrick version, not the crap TV version. Anyway, I’ve decided that when I grow up, I want to be just like you. Nevermind that I’m already 38 and that may be a little creepy. I don’t mind if you don’t.

  76. I drove to the place in winter once. It’s very creepy when all the trees are dead and there’s very few people there.

    Also, I may be too big of a scaredy cat to look at the photos. Am thinking about it. Might need a Valium first.

  77. i really thought more people would have commented on the man-bear-pig. is it weird that i’m disappointed? i was hoping someone would explain what, if anything, it means.

  78. I’m thinking of photoshopping my head onto that pic, printing it out, framing it, and putting it on the nightstand of our guest room when my mother visits next month. Maybe she’ll go home early. That would be awesome. Can you send me a high quality copy to start with? K’thx.

  79. I thought I lived in a haunted house once. I’d hear scratching and tapping on the windows and strange lights circling around outside. The dogs and emus would get all stirred up and start making a racket. I set up some security cameras and finally caught the culprit on film. The house wasn’t haunted at all. The prankster was a fugitive spider monkey wearing a mining helmet riding a chupacabra. Man, was I relieved.

  80. You know, if I owned a hotel that inspired somebody to write a horror/thriller, I’d be a little offended. Surely the service wasn’t THAT bad…

    I want to go there now. Though the outside reminds me of a hotel in some other, non-scary movie. I dunno. There’s probably a lot of movies about large white hotels in semi-secluded places. Right?

    You should’ve done a seance in that room. Maybe Lord Dunraven would’ve explained that he was too busy with his nanny prostitutes, or actually prefers red-heads.

  81. Great. Just great. After 22 years of pretending that I never saw The Shining or ever heard about the Stanley Hotel, you had to go and bring it up! Geesh. I wonder how long the nightmares will last this time around?

  82. You totally freakin’ rock. I love the bathtub pics. And this line…”Victor starts scratching on the door and making strangling noises. I do love that man. “

  83. Holy Shit! Or should I say unholy shit?! Which is probably why I adore you sooo much. I can’t wait until Part 2…and let me just say for the record, that I LOVE your new column @ The Stir. Fucking Fabulous!

  84. I must go stay there! Awesome!
    This is similar to the hotel my husband and I stayed at in Holland it was full of rats, tranny hookers, and rotting furniture. Wait…I don’t think it was haunted per se I think that’s the Amsterdam experience. Not that I have anything against tranny hookers, actually, it was the damn rats that freaked me out, so much so, I ironically left my valium there. Sneaky bastards I bet that’s what they wanted. This time I’m talking about both the rats and the tranny hookers. The rotting furniture was just gross.

  85. Hells no! That would be the ONE hotel I would NEVER stay in. I STILL think ‘The Shining’ is real. REAL. It happened. For real. It did. I swear. I’m just surprised you weren’t killed. Whew. You got out just in time.

    P.S. We used to have twins in our school that were creepily look alikes like the twins in ‘The Shining.’ They were evil too.

    That movie is REAL……..

  86. I can’t wait for part II. Did you know there is a google app ghost finder. Oh yeah. There is. Someone was telling me about it. A friend of mine worked for the company that manages catering operations for The Stanley (or did, anyway). They wanted her to task force there. She was like, are you f’ng crazy? I think she was crazy. What an opportunity.

  87. Sooooo…I am th wussiest person in the planet, especially when it comes to scary movies. I watched Pet Semetery in 6th grade. I’m now 33. I STILL run and jump on my bed…in case that little creepy kid is under there. ANYHOO I decided I would watch The Shining when my hubs was out of town despite him repeatedly telling me it wasn’t a good idea. I didn’t think it was all that scary until the bathtub scene, with which you’ve chosen to traumatize me again here, then I was pissed at him for not warning me about it.
    Because? I am terrified of shower curtains. And slugs. Not related but still.

  88. Are you kidding? I would TOTALLY hop in that tub if he asked/offered!! My husband and I would both love to stay at the Stanley for different reasons! I’d so be wiling to pay the extra cash to stay in room 401!!! You’re lucky! Can’t wait to see the net post about the hotel!!

  89. lol @ Lloyd. I live in Colorado and have been to the Stanley many times. My best friend got married and stayed in the room that supposedly inspired Stephen King to write the Shining. Could not resist sneaking into her room the night before the wedding to write REDRUM on her mirror : )

  90. So insanely jealous. We go to Estes every summer (we live an hour away) and even got married there but we always seem to miss out on the ghost tour. Then we tried to take it last summer and they told us we couldn’t with a kid. Hello, ghosts love kids. Kids love ghosts. But they’re discriminating against us for another 4 years until she’s 6.

  91. Every time I read one of your posts that’s prefaced with, “I copied this straight from my journal,” it makes me think I need to steal your journal because seriously? That shit is AWESOME.

  92. So sorry you didn’t get felt up in the closet. He could have at least gone for a little over the shirt action. I mean you paid the extra $100 expecting some form of ghostly servicing, there should be some sort of refund scheme for lack of groping.

  93. OK, I have a few things to talk to you about.

    1) I had a dream you included me in your weekly wrap-up. I KNOW WHAT AN AWESOME DREAM that gave me the sads to have to get up with a 1-year-old to give her milk. It’s total BS.

    2) How did you land Victor and he actually stays with you? K-Dub could not handle my Taco in the VCR shenanegans because he was 30 going on 92, and didn’t have one fun bone in his body. So now I am alone and should probably be that chick in the bathtub.

    and 3) HOW DO YOU LOOK SO HOT DEAD?

    That is all.

    NO WAIT! 4) Are you doing Christmas cards this year? Please say yes. That would be about the only cool thing to recieve again this year. Even if I have to pay for it. Fuck.

    I am so pathetic.

  94. Rakazan: I totally wanted to volunteer for the haunted massage, until you got to the end and that was it. I get you about ripping off people, but, like, not ME! Oh, you didn’t mean me, exactly. Well, nevermind.

    Jenny: You are awesome as always. The picture is very evocative of the pose in the cemetery in the infamous red dress. You definitely have a flair for death poses. Waiting for part deux.

  95. Oh man, I love Jason from Ghost Hunters. Too bad he wasn’t in the closet doing the molesting because I would totally book that room then. That sounded less creepy in my head.

  96. Dead relatives visit me in my dreams so it’s kind of like seeing ghosts but with my eyes closed. It’s annoying as they’re always bitching about someone else in the family and I’m all like, can’t you go talk to them? I’m trying to sleep here. Man! Can’t they find a better portal to the living world other than my REM cycle?

  97. Your posts keep growing larger and larger on my crack-me-up scale. I’m so envious that a)you were able to stay at the Stanley Hotel, and b)you say things that most (warped) people (such as myself) won’t say out loud. I hope you post a lot of pictures!

  98. I think that photo of you in the bathtub will end up plastered all over the vampires-with-a-drinking-fetish sites. So you may want to stay away from bats.

    Also, why did you murder Hailey’s jumping beans? Was this the latest “aggressive parenting by proxy” thing?

    ~EdT.

  99. I am still too stunned by the lack of A) pre-booking for Room 401 B) A line to take pictures in the bathtub

    What is our world coming to?? Why did these people even go to this hotel? Wasteful!!!

  100. I was moved by this to go on Twitter and see if Stephen King has an account so I could send him the link. Turns out he doesn’t. No wonder his books are so long. Dammit. And yes, I totally heart you.

  101. oh bloggess.. I’m thoroughly thoroughly ashamed at not having found your awesomeness earlier than this.. i adore you… I so wish I could spend just one day with you though….

  102. This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a loooonnnng time! My husband is a lot like Victor, except he never would have caved in to taking me to the Stanley.

  103. I’m SO JEALOUS!!! My best friend lives in CO and I told her that the next time I come to visit, I want to go stay there! I’m a bit over Ghost Hunters, unfortunately. I found some stuff on the interwebs where you can see that some of it is fake. (they have video of Grant pulling Jason’s hood with an invisible string.) I was SO disappointed that I can’t watch it anymore. And I loved that show!

  104. Mom-visit Update:
    Apparently, she reads you blog too because the mere thought of that picture seems to have resulted in a visit two days shorter than I thought. Awesome. You rock deathtub girl!

  105. betadad,

    If women could just get drunk and pass out in the tub to get the monthly inconvenience overwith, we’d do it. I’ve tried. No dice. Sitting on a toilet until you develop hemorrhoids that look mildly hermaphroditic, though? That’s works. Plus…sexeh.

    d

  106. Thank God, you are back to your style!! I freaking(you might choose to read this otherwise) love this post, I wondered what was wrong with you, because you did not sound remotely funny in your “Attic guy” post… Writing to you as a die-hard fan!!
    Rachana

  107. I told one of my friends that I can use “I’m possessed” as an excuse for anything because your blog says so. She said, “They lied.” and I said, “THE BLOGGESS DOES NOT LIE EVERY THING ON HER BLOG IS COMPLETELY TRUE.” and then linked her to your blog. She still doesn’t believe me.

  108. That’s so weird… I know that the hotel used in the film was actually Timberline Lodge on Mount Hood in Oregon (near Portland). I always assumed that it was just the whole inspiration…. so why didn’t they film the movie at Stanley Lodge then? Cause really, Timberline Lodge looks nothing like the Stanley Hotel….

  109. I went to the Stanley’s website and noticed on their Ghost Tours package that there are no children or small dogs allowed on the tour. Hmm. Large dogs OK? Do people just grab the small dogs and throw them at the ghosts as a sacrifice? Or the children for that matter? The mind boggles.

  110. Does the bar still look like the bar scenes in The Shining?
    I would have called the bartender Lloyd too…I’m pretty sure that’s just part of the gig. If he wasn’t game for The Shining references all of the time, he should have picked a different path in life. Just sayin

  111. I’m pretty sure that I now officially hate you. Because you get to do things that I’ve always wanted to do. And because you’re cooler than me. But don’t go spreading that around, because I’ll totally deny having said it. Also because sometimes your husband plays along instead of just looking at you like you’re crazy.

    ♥Spot

    PS- I am sorry for you that Lord Dunraven was such an asshole.

  112. that picture is so full of win it hurts.

    also totally using the man-pig-bear retort whenever I want to end up winning a convo. I don’t care if it won’t make sense either.

  113. I loved that episode! And I have a huge crush on Jason and Grant. Can never decide which one I like better, but really I would rather EMF-detect with them than fool around. For real.

    I would’ve stood in that closet to try to get felt up.

  114. I am reminded of The Shining whenever I see my 7 year old run: – for ages my hubby & I couldn;t work out who she reminded us of when she was doing her spazzy run and then we watched The Shining again and both were like “OMG she runs like Shelley Duvall in this movie” (but without the kitchen knife)

    Sounds awesome – I’ve done those Ghost vigils before for fun, but I fell asleep at a haunted prison in Oxford and missed the one and only sighting of anything remotely interesting. Bummer!

  115. I think I would totally want to vacation with you. I mean, the Shining hotel? Are kidding me? Cemeteries, all that. Come on, I used to rush home from elementary school to watch the original “Dark Shadows” and then dress up in my mom’s old negligees and pretend to be a vampire and freak out the little screaming sissies who lived on my block. See if you can dig up “Poltergeists: the Hauntings and the Haunted” – good stuff in there, maybe future vacation sites?

  116. I dunno if anone said this or not but I’m pretty sure that Mexican jumping beans jump because they have bugs in them. Maybe somehow the bugs can detect ghosts? I wish I had an emf detector.

  117. Dude, mexican jumping beans give me the creeps. There’s tiny critters inside, that’s why they jump. Technically, you did kill them. Good going! But really, it’s not your fault. The asshole who put them in the bean could have been nice and let them live and figure out how to make 50 cents without causing another being harm. Or, they could have been smart enough to not let some asshole put them inside a bean and close it up in the first place. So really, you just put them out of their misery. That’s exciting, you’re a hero.

  118. I am sure Jack Torrance ended up in the sack with Bathtub Lady, despite her slight algae problem. Not to be mean, but his wife was played by Shelly Duvall! Of course he slept with Bathtub Algae Lady.

  119. Although scrolling down to the bottom of the page seems a bit of an over-exhertion for a beginner, I’m glad to read your blog and even gladder to tell you that we’re planning our stay on Sunday, October 17th. Wish us luck!!!!

  120. one thing is that i have stayed in the stanley hotel and in room 401 so i know what goes on in that room…. so try to make up stuff cause i will konw if it is true or not.

  121. Pingback: Good Mom / Bad Mom
  122. Sorry but ghosts are not said to haunt a place they never visited or lived. Dunraven last visited Estes in 1888 and the Stanley was built in 1909. He partied hard and had ” hired help” but he is being accused by hotel tour guides of pimping as well. Pure lies that never show up in historical documents. He was thrown out of his own hotel for partying. He is seen as a villain but think about it. He wanted to preserve the beauty of the valley although selfishly, Stanley was a crass commercialist consumed by building his wealth. Look at the traffic and mess that is now Estes, who did more damage?

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