UPDATED X 10! I NEED a pony.

Conversation I had with Victor:

me: I wish I had enough money to buy a pony.

Victor: You’re not responsible enough take care of a pony.

me:  That’s the beauty of this pony.  IT’S ALREADY DEAD.

CLIP-CLOP, MOTHERFUCKER.

Victor:  That’s sick.

me:  It’s not “sick”.  It’s dead.   It’s way past sick.  Plus, think of all the money we don’t have to spend on feeding a pony.  We’ll make a mint just saving on pony food.

Victor:  We already don’t feed a pony.

me:  But this would be a solid reminder of that.  It would be a perspective pony and every time we looked at it we’d  think, “God, it would so expensive not to have a dead pony.”  Also, my favorite part of this ad is the part that says “Have one to sell?  Sell it yourself!”  As if there were tons of dead ponies for sell all over the place.

Victor:  No.

me:  We’d name it “Pony Danza”.  Everyone on twitter is on board.

Victor:  EVERYONE ON TWITTER DOESN’T LIVE IN OUR HOUSE.

me:  Well, they’d all want to if there were ponies here.  And the pony is estimated at over 100 years old so technically it’s an “antique”.  Those things only go up in value. Plus, I could sing “Hold me closer, Pony Danza” to him late at night.

Victor:  *sigh*

me:  I also need an ethically stuffed monkey to ride it.  Admittedly, this is getting expensive.

Victor: And stupid.  You’re not getting a pony.

me: Oh my God,  you sound just like my father.

Victor: WHAT THE FUCK WOULD WE DO WITH A DEAD PONY?

me:  We could leave it on the porch to guard packages the mailman leaves.  Or I could post ads on it and it could be my new mascot.  And then when I get tired of it I could mail it to my sister since I promised Gabi (my neice) a pony when I was drunk.  Remember that time she put that dead raccoon on my dad while he was sleeping?  WE ALL OWE HER FOR THAT.

Victor: YOU CAN’T HAVE A PONY.

me:  *sigh*  So I’m just beating a dead horse then?

Victor:  God.  That was awful.  Please tell me this whole thing was just a set up so you could use that terrible joke.

me:  Not a chance.  I really want this pony.  We can put him on casters and rent him out at children’s parties.  We’ll make back our money by the end of the summer.  BEST DEAD PONY INVESTMENT EVER. Plus the internet thinks we could nickname him “Al Capony” or” Pony Soprano”.  THIS PONY IS RIFE WITH COMEDY GOLD.

Then Victor left, mumbling something about not feeling safe in his own house and I went and checked my email to see if anyone wanted to buy some pony advertising and I noticed that Victor had strategically drained my paypal account only moments earlier.  Ow, Victor.  Just…ow.

PS.  This is what the ad would look like.

Except it wouldn’t be for coke because they’re a bit too conservative to advertise on dead ponies.  I need someone willing to take a chance.  Someone with the marketing genius to try something new.  Someone willing to lose $700.

I also need someone willing to buy a dead pony once I get bored with it because I have a feeling that this is an impulse pony that I’d probably regret buying a few weeks after he arrived.  Impulse ponies are always like that.

UPDATED! 

You guys, we have our first advertiser, Filing Jointly, who is willing to pony up (yeah, I went there) the cash for half of the pony.  Now I just need one more advertiser and Tony Danza is mine.  Until I’m outbid, that is.  Then I’ll just cry a lot.

Click for awesomeness

UPDATED AGAIN:  TONY DANZA IS MINE.  Or at least, he is if no one else bids against me.  The wonderful people at Camp Mighty (slogan:Making dreams come true) came through for the first half of the horse because even fucked up dreams need to come true sometimes.

Camp for Grown-Ups

UPDATED X3:  PMS Comics really wanted in but the pony was already paid for so instead they’re pitching in for the inevitable unicorn horn and stuffed monkey-rider.  THIS WILL BE THE MOST BADASS DEAD PONY EVER.

"What Would Bruce Campbell Do?"

Updated X 4:  Epiphanie Bags (which I love and own two of myself) is considering this pony a stable investment.  You should buy their bags.

These bags are badass. No ponies died making them.

UPDATED X 5:  Kimberly Santini at Turtledove Designs is so awesome that she not only bought a pony ad, but she even made a landing page for it:

Her art is really extraordinary.

Updated X 7:  And we have another advertiser that believes in the power of dead ponies!  A special thank you to Belethil Jewelry who specializes in jeweled elf ears:

UPDATED  X 8:  Cowgirl Red (Artist and Goddess of the Plains) is in for a pony ad as well.  My God, I love you people.

 

Updated X 9:  My friend from I’ve been there, Claire is in as well as she’s celebrating her novel!

 

UPDATED X 10:  There are few things more heartbreaking to read than “You have just been outbid on that dead pony that you REALLY needed.”  Unless it’s “You just got outbid again, you stupid bitch.”  I got both of those last night.  I’m paraphrasing here, but you get the gist.  The really disappointing thing is that I suspect Victor is one of the people outbidding me just so that he can tell the seller to keep Pony Danza away from me.  Even Wil Wheaton understands my need for this pony, Victor.  I realize I’m beating a dead horse here and I promise that very soon I will change the subject to something quite magical, but until then, pony ads are still open at $350 a pop.  IT’S TOTALLY WORTH IT.  Probably.  And if I get outbid again I promise to use that money to buy something equally ridiculous, entertaining and furiously baffling.

441 replies. read them below or add one

  1. So…are you kicking the dead pony or buying it?

    Shiloh Walker recently posted Interview and giveaway.

  2. How much do I love Will Wheaton’s tweet to you?! You should tell hubby, even Will Wheaton wants me to get it!

    Ari recently posted July book reviews, part 1.

  3. If I didn’t already adore you, the words “Impulse ponies” would have done it.

    Melissa recently posted Through Forests Dark and Golden-Lit....

  4. What a beautiful specimen! You should start bugging him for a /real/ pony and he might say yes to this one!

    Niven recently posted As promised….

  5. Pony Danza belongs in The Bloggess household…thus sayeth Twitterville!

  6. You can save all that money if you go with My Little Pony. They don’t have to eat either. Plus you get to brush their rainbow hair.

    nancypants recently posted BFFs.

  7. 7
    Leslie in Toronto

    I may or may not have splurted water when I read “Al Capony”. If taxidermy didn’t freak me out soooo badly, I would totally support your bid to purchase Pony Danza.

  8. I can’t see a dead horse without thinking about Phar Lap the Australian race horse whose skin is in the Melbourne Museum and his heart is in Sydney and I think something else is in New Zealand.

    They really love that horse.

    Deidre recently posted When it comes to Saturday nights, our fun knows no bounds.

  9. I have a book that starts with someone waking up with a severed head and I would be proud to advertise on your pony.

    Kate recently posted mental health mondays :: i'm with the gland [part 2].

  10. Someone should pony up for this

  11. How about Pony Orlando? The ethically-stuffed monkey can be named Dawn.

    Christina recently posted Falling Skies. It’s all harmless flirting until you stumble across your old girlfriend, half-dead and naked in the forest..

  12. I think that you really need this pony. Its uses are versatile and multi-faceted and it would be a crime not to have it!

    Alicea recently posted I'm afraid for teenage girls everywhere.

  13. If I was not insanely poor, this is the sort of thing I’d invest in. Maybe that’s why I’m insanely poor.

    Eoin Rie recently posted Monster Hunter International by Larry Correia.

  14. Oh sweet baby Jesus, this is hysterical beyond words. In addition to no food, just think of all the pony shit you WOULDN’T HAVE TO PICK UP! Another save right there :-)

  15. I’m not sure you can just go around tacking signs to dead ponies like that. Maybe you should get a dry erase board instead. Or… a chalkboard, like the fancy restaurants have. You could even rent the dead pony to the fancy restaurants for their fancy chalkboard menus when he isn’t doing the children’s parties. This is a double win. I should be in charge of marketing somewhere.

    Lisa Galaviz recently posted How to Survive a Wildlife Refuge.

  16. I’m so on Victor’s side on this.

  17. Oh. Migawds. You’re already looking for a buyer for your dead pony?!? For once – and I *truly* am shocked to day this – I honestly think you don’t deserve this dead animal and I generally think you are a *paragon* of dead animal ownership!

    Dead ponies aren’t just for Christmas, you know. They’re for LIFE.

    I’m sadly tsk-tsking your way…

  18. Why are there no bids on that yet? There should be a huge bidding war….or not. He clearly belongs in the Bloggess household.

  19. God girl… I need a friend like you…

  20. No seriously. Half a pony. I will buy you half a pony if you post about me in your weekly wrap-up. Um…I know there’s an email exchange somewhere…

  21. I now need to invent an Italian soft-cheese company with advertising money to burn so we can use him for our “Mascarpony” campaign.

  22. That’s why you need the ethically stuffed monkey. To stave off the regret. How does Victor not get this?

  23. Thanks for the hat tip!

    @suzyquzey

  24. I watched this unfold on Twitter. I saw one on American Pickers. I totally get it man.

    Mom Off Meth recently posted Home Improvements.

  25. you could start a music fest in the hill country and call it “pony-palooza” and only hire musicians willing to bring their own stuffed pets or at least a following who would appreciate the cause. it would pay for itself.

    Angee recently posted The Before..

  26. I’m pretty sure that “Hold me closer Pony Danza” almost killed me. Literally. Choked on my water.

  27. Wow. I really almost want to risk $700 right now. It’s the cost of shipping that gets you… who knew dead ponies cost so much to ship? Do you think it’s cause you can’t send them pony express?

    kelly recently posted Happy Monday!.

  28. Oh. Migawds. You’re already looking for a new owner for your dead pony?!? For once – and I am truly shocked to be saying this! – I don’t think you deserve this dead pony…and I usually uphold you up as a *paragon* of responsible dead animal ownership!

    Dead ponies aren’t just for Christmas, you know. They’re FOR LIFE.

    I am sadly tsk-tsking at you…

    Leslie recently posted How A Slurpee Made Me Jackhole Of The Day. Damn Slurpees. They Should Be Called "Sloppees." (You're Welcome, 7-11 Marketing Peeps.).

  29. Red Bull. Then you could add wings to it and get a dead pony disguised as a pegasus.

  30. ewwww — that’s just too far. Getting into dead stuff cat territory.

  31. Part of me wishes this was all a joke. The rest of me is glad it’s not.

    Stay random, my friends. :D

  32. My boyfriend is currently singing “Hold Me Closer Pony Danza” and offering to send you cash. He now wants to build the structure for you to roll him around on casters. He says, “Victor is hanging out with comedy gold,” and he should, “buy this bitch her pony. Nut up, get that pony.”

    I hesitate telling you all of this, because if things go south with Victor, I think you might steal my man or he might run off with you, but really he doesn’t do Texas or scary movies, so I think we’re all safe here, and Victor should just buy you a dead pony. Seriously, I had real one, and he was an asshole. Had he been dead, I probably would have liked him a lot more.

    califmom recently posted Things What Peeve Me: Also A List.

  33. You are a New York Times Bestselling Author.

    You can have a pony if you want one.

    Teresa Hill recently posted My Head is Full.

  34. YOU COULD HAVE A BEDAZZLED SADDLE!!!

    It really is fun for the whole family!!! Hunter S Thomcat would even throw a wee little hat on and ride him. And who doesn’t want THAT on a card!?!

    THE DEAD PONY JUST PAID FOR ITSELF.

    You’re welcome, Victor.

    Hugs!

    Valerie

    Valerie recently posted Johnny 5 is Alive!!!! (That's code for "I didn't die during Zombie Survival Training.").

  35. Pony Danza almost made me pee my pants. Seriously. If I had the money, I’d buy it for you. Can’t you set up like a donation thing online and we can all pitch in, then we’d all own a piece of Pony Danza and can ship him around to all his respective homes? Pony will be the most epic lesson on sharing.

    Keaven Neely recently posted Shallow, I know... But that's what you get..

  36. I think you need to open a shop and call it Dead Animals. Oh wait…there IS Beyonce. Maybe…Dead and Metal Animals. And Birds. Also, I thought you said you needed an ETHNICALLY stuffed monkey, and that puzzled me as I couldn’t understand why a monkey stuffed by someone ETHNIC would be better. Or maybe you wanted it stuffed WITH ethnic people? Then I realized that a) everyone is SOME kind of ethnic so, technically, all animals are ETHNICALLY stuffed, and b) I needed to take out an “n”, so it really didn’t matter worth a shit whether it was stuffed by an ethnic person or a robot. Also, if you open the store, you could BUY the pony and it would be a business expense, and you could sell all the other animals that you DON’T want, and keep the pony with a big NOT FOR SALE sign on it. Tell Victor this is a winning business plan and he really needs to get behind it or get LEFT behind. Behind a stuffed pony, that is. Which isn’t so bad because they don’t poop, because they don’t EAT, because as you’ve already told him, they’re DEAD. Really…what is he not getting here?

  37. I can’t believe I just wasted $700 paying off my car loan when I COULD have been buying ethically taxidermied ponies. What the FUCK was I thinking?

  38. I would totally advertise on a dead pony, but only if you go with Pony Danza, because I NEVER hear the song Tiny Dancer without hearing Pheobe singing, “Tony Danza”.

    Anna Nonamus recently posted Interview, anyone?.

  39. P.S. Sorry, my phone posted my comment twice. My bad. In the spirit of fairness, I hereby recall one of my tsks.

    Leslie recently posted How A Slurpee Made Me Jackhole Of The Day. Damn Slurpees. They Should Be Called "Sloppees." (You're Welcome, 7-11 Marketing Peeps.).

  40. I just finished reading your book (and holy shit did I love it. it was fucking hilarious and brilliant and random) and that made this post even funnier bc I knew exactly what you meant when you mentioned the dead raccoon. you’re a genius Jenny. and everyone should be allowed to purchase an impulse pony.

  41. You have totally sold me on the dead pony idea. My husband keeps saying that HE wants a pony. It’s driving me crazy because I know I will be the one that ends up taking care of it. The thing is he never said anything about the pony having to be alive…anyway, if you find yourself in a high stakes ebay bidding war over this pony it might be with me.

    Lily from Itsadomelife recently posted Why I Will Always Support The LGBT Community.

  42. OH… if you buy this pony you must get a horn to put on his head! PLEASE? Let him be a Horny Pony Danza! For all us USCer’s out here.

    Keaven Neely recently posted Shallow, I know... But that's what you get..

  43. My dream is to own a mini horse. I know your pain. If I had the money, I would totally buy this for you. But only if you named it “Pony Shalhoub.”

    John B recently posted nice guys finish... the same time as EVERYONE ELSE!.

  44. My impulse ponies are always like that. I got one at Target the other day. BIG mistake. Should have gone for the snickers. They’re not as cute though.

    Amber recently posted My Friday night and MARGARET ATWOOD.

  45. I MEAN, I really need a pony for my house so whenever someone tells a joke about how my dogs are as big as horses, I could say “No they aren’t! See this horse? They’re clearly smaller than this horse.”

    Kari recently posted Why I love my husband and also sort of want to punch him in the face sometimes.

  46. Money, schmoney. All you need’s some kind of pon(z)y scheme to sucker–er, I mean “sweet-talk”–a bunch of people into chipping in. Tell them you’re selling shares in your pony. People will invest in anything these days.

    Hm. Or maybe not. “Selling shares in your pony” kind of sounds dirty, doesn’t it?

    Jason Black recently posted The three worst words in fiction.

  47. You could also put wheels on it and offer neighborhood children rides to make some money back. So it would be like an investment.

    Jessie Marie recently posted Waiting for my new circular needles!.

  48. 48
    When I Blink

    The “knock, knock” pony tweet from Will just made my day. It *had* to have made yours.

    When I Blink recently posted Why I Love Twitter.

  49. Also…exactly how big IS this dead pony and why does the background look like a casket? Was it buried? And don’t they have dead ponies HERE in the US? I mean, we really can’t be outsourcing shit all the time. That’s why our economy is in the toilet. First its call centers in India, and now it’s dead ponies in Stockton-on-Tees, and what kind of name is THAT anyhow? I am sure we can find some people here with ponies. Most of them are probably alive and I’m not suggesting we go in all ninja style and start killing ponies, but you know, strike up some strategic friendships and then when the pony DIES, OMG THE FABULOUS BLOGGESS IS HERE TO TAKE THE PONY OFF MY HANDS. You could even tell them you are famous and then they’d probably want to just GIVE it to you for the publicity: “Do you know where our pony is now? With THE BLOGGESS.”

    We have guinea pigs. When they die – assuming they’ll die before I do, which I realize is extreme hubris on my part – I’ll be happy to send their little carcasses to you. I’m not stuffing those little fuckers though. Dead animals scare me.

    Leila recently posted The Kids Started Camp and….yawn.

  50. Terrifying and magnificent.

    Chooplah recently posted If Job Rejection Letters Were Honest.

  51. 51
    Melissa Allen

    This may be the 2nd funniest thing I have ever read. After Beyonce of course. Brilliant!

  52. You just made my whole day and, considering it’s 11pm EST, you just got in under the wire. I promise on the Soul of Pony Danza, if I win the lottery, I’m using all my flash money to buy you as many stuffed antique ponies from Great Britain as humanly possible … or before my husband takes away all my hypothetical lottery winnings.

  53. Where is the buy it now button? I would totally buy you this pony.

    Bryan recently posted Fabulous show Saturday.

  54. When you get bored with it, you could do a little pony makeover: spray paint it white with just a hint of glitter, add a white horn in the middle of it’s head and POW – you’ve got yourself a unicorn.

    You’re welcome or maybe I’ll just stop typing now.

    Rhana @ Dumb {Squared} recently posted Is it over yet?.

  55. Pony Danza is awesome! Victor should let you buy him!

    Amanda recently posted You Just Never Know What Might Be Hiding Under The Bed….

  56. Oh lordy, FUCK ME. Pony Danza?

    Just when I start to lose sight as to why I love you nearly as much as air, you go and hit me in the face with a blinding sun storm of reality. Gads woman. The love, it hurts.

  57. I love it! You could name it ‘Pony Montana’ and totally wear out that “Say hello to my little friend” line :)

    Erin recently posted 10 Things I Am Thankful For This Week (July 8-July14).

  58. Its head is too big….or its neck is too small.

    I think you could do better- even in the dead pony arena. Pony…arena….get it??

  59. Beyonce needs a sister-friend-um, whatever. Beyonce NEEDS A PONY!!!

  60. …..and now my husband is hyperventillating with laughter. Thanks for that, he needed it.

    cassie recently posted snickerdoodle blondies.

  61. Maybe you could contact Amanda Seyfried and see if she’s tired of her pony. I bet you could work out a deal! http://ohnotheydidnt.livejournal.com/58531764.html

  62. Girl, I think you need to start a PONY 2012 campaign, with late night flier raids through cities and towns all over the world, and viral video and naked people shouting crazily in the streets. There is a precedent, you know.

    PONY 2012!!!

    Jon Jones recently posted MEET THE SPORTSRACERS - # 5 - sassypants Pt. 1.

  63. Thanks. Now I have the fictitious song “Pony Danza” stuck in my head.

  64. If Victor is smart, he’ll: 1) buy you that pony for your next birthday & 2) hire Tim McGraw to come sing “Hold me closer, Pony Danza” at the party. On a side note, I think you’ve permanently defiled that song for me.

    downfromtheledge recently posted Top 10 Reasons Why Facebook Is The Devil.

  65. OMG – Al Capony. Snort laughing. XD

    Adeena recently posted Sigh..

  66. Why hello, there. I heard you wanted a pony .. http://i.imgur.com/8arhD.jpg

    radioactivegan recently posted June Vegan Food Swap.

  67. But the real question is…How much would the shipping be?

    a recently posted First Captcha, now Wordpress.

  68. Victor drained your paypal account? ! WTF? Where’s a Spork when you need one? Sleep with one eye open Victor! I’d totally live in your house- it’s like a petting zoo – only better.

  69. You are a genius! I am 100% on board for Pony Danza!

    Jae recently posted Cycling.

  70. Oh I can’t take it… Pony Danza. Please sing that song in the video and post it with your dead pony.

    Lady J Wanderlust recently posted Another Ginger Kid Story: The Starbucks Ginger Kid.

  71. It would be a steal if it weren’t for the postage. Maybe you could get someone in the UK to get it, and find a cheaper way to ship it.

    It’s only once in a lifetime you have a chance to have a pony!

  72. I just got laid off on Friday and would love to be able to use the pony in my job search. I would take a picture of the pony and say “If you hire me, I promise I will NOT bring a pony, live or taxidermied into your office”… and while there might be a number of employers who would be thinking “well, I would certainly hope NOT”, there will be a couple who will start to wonder if, perhaps, they hire someone else they will, one day, walk in on a pony-palooza in their office with the cleaning staff thrusting a shovel at them and saying “Hey, we’re not cleaning up after that!”

    Alternatively, I could promise that if I am hired, I will bring the best Marketing Pony they’ve ever seen into the office. I completely agree with @LisaGalaviz that there is a restaurant somewhere that NEEDS a pony with a chalkboard for touting their daily specials. Or maybe a car dealership could use the pony… with something about “real horsepower”… (I’ll work out the details and get back to you!)

    Also, every time I hear “Tiny Dancer” now, I am going to think of Pony Danza! Well played, Jenny!

    MsDarkstar recently posted Unlucky Friday.

  73. Al Capony! Perfect name!

    Mayor Gia recently posted Sexual Harassment and Boyfriend.

  74. “hold me closer, Pony Danza”! that was a welcome twist!

  75. You *need* Pony Danza. You could buy him a saddle and then a seasonally appropriate monkey could ride him for each holiday. Think of the fun he would be!

    Shawn Walter recently posted Aren't I a good boy?!.

  76. Poor, poor Victor. Your husband will never know the joy of wanting a pony.

    KimikoMuffin recently posted 2012/07/14: Much Ado About TVTropes.

  77. OMGPONIES. I have nothing intelligent to say, but that was genius.

    Ashleigh recently posted Worsening Social Anxiety.

  78. I read the title of the post and immediately thought “AMEN SISTER!”
    When I realized you were talking about a DEAD pony, I thought “NOT cool!”
    The frustrating part (for both of us, I assume), is that my husband WOULD buy me a dead pony. If only to shut me up and say “I already bought you your damn pony” next time I ask for one, and to say “the dead one doesn’t cost us nearly as much as that live pony you keep asking for”.
    Feel free to take my husband. I don’t want Victor in return unless he’s going to agree to buy me a live pony.

  79. I don’t know, I think you should add to your “rusty metal sculpture” animal collection and look for a horse made out of old oil drums or whatever, to go with Beyonce.

    Jen recently posted Tasty Tuesday July 17 2012.

  80. Hahaha best name ideas ever – “CLIP CLOP MOTHERFUCKER”…gold!

    Kez recently posted But I have NOTHING to wear!!!.

  81. I read this, and it was hilarious. And then I was reading the comments, and someone said something about a Wil Wheaton tweet, so I went and read that…and nearly died of laughter. God, the Internet is just the most fantastic thing.

  82. I think your soundest argument comes straight from the ad itself:

    “Unlike alot of collectable items, taxidermy is hand made and impossible to mass produce. It is a very specialist item that does not go in and out of fashion and the value of your taxidermy will increase with inflation.”

    Screw the stock market. TAXIDERMY is the way of the financial investment future.

  83. Partner walks into our bedroom: “What are you doing?”
    Me: “Looking at Twitter. The Bloggess wants to buy a dead, taxidermied pony and …”
    Partner, interrupting: “Pony?”
    Me: “Yes, and”
    Partner, interrupting again: “As in a horse?”
    Me: “Is there another kind of pony? Anyway, in her post, she said that she told Victor that Twitterverse wants her to buy it, so I was looking up the conversation.”
    Partner: “Victor is competing with Twitterverse now?”
    Me: “So it would seem. See how good you have it.”
    Partner: “Oh, you just buy things without running it by me first.”
    Me: “Well, maybe The Bloggess will be a good influence.”

    See, you’re a role model. ; )

    Jen @ Bible Belt to Boulder recently posted Moving day, and why we’re not very adept at being The Beverly Hillbillies.

  84. What scares me most is that I understand this impulse. But the sensible side of me…the one that used to hang around barns with live ponies, wants to warn you that the pony might really smell. A lot. You might not be able to put him in the house…or anywhere near an open window. Pony smell is not a nice smell; the only thing worse is wet pony smell. It doesn’t smell like hay or anything like that. And I can’t imagine that stuffing the poor thing would actually get the pony smell outta the hair. But that’s just the sensible side of me.

    The _other_ side thinks he’ll look great next to Beyonce with Copernicus hugging him. Especially if he died from strangles.

    Sj recently posted Great American Pastimes: Baseball and Politics ..................in no particular order.

  85. I don’t know why you are even considering the possibility of NOT getting Pony Danza. Especially when you consider the opportunity to chop off his taxi-ed head and leave it under the sheets for Victor to find at a later date… stop delaying the inevitable. Make the purchase.

  86. You had me at perspective pony, and then Pony Danza was the icing on the cake.

    Kate recently posted To eat or not to eat, that was the question..

  87. I would so buy an ad on Pony Danza. He’s perfect for it!! And then when you are tired of him and he’s all advertising cliche (because soon everyone will be advertising on ponys), I’ll happily take him off your hands and tuck him under my Christmas tree and act all surprised on Christmas morning because Santa. Finally. Delivered. (granted, it took him so long, the damned pony died, but hey, a pony is a pony).

    Kimberly Santini recently posted Insert Cooper Here.

  88. I think you should get the meerkat:

    http://www.ebay.com/itm/MEERKAT-taxidermy-stuffed-animal-/271015831889?pt=UK_Collectables_AnimalCollectables_SM&hash=item3f19cd6951

    Sure, it’s more expensive, but it comes with a scorpion so it’s technically two for the price of one! And you could call it Meercat Stevens.

  89. holy crap that is funny. Dead Horse. Pony Danza. Man if I didn’t just have a glass of wine, I could remember my cheesy joke of the day, it was that good. Which reminds me, not only are there dead roak kill ceratures in my dad’s freezer, something you’d “get” but there’s a dead bug on my stairs that hubby refuses to toss until he can i.d. it. i say its a cricket.

  90. Introducing the latest Trojan mascot – more than a one trick pony.

  91. scratch my last post, dunno how to do that though. let’s try it again Sam
    holy crap that is funny. Dead Horse. Pony Danza. Man if I didn’t just have a glass of wine, I could remember my cheesy joke of the day, it was that good. Which reminds me, not only are there dead roak kill ceratures in my dad’s freezer, something you’d “get” but there’s a dead bug on my stairs that hubby refuses to toss until he can i.d. it. i say its a cricket.

    GDavies recently posted damned you pandora.

  92. OK, even for me the ultimate pet/pony lover says NO!! That thing is creepy in that it was not reconstructed well. Take a deep breath and let it GO…… Whoosh! Just creepy.

  93. This pony is dead. Victor’s argument is invalid.

    Banana Stickers recently posted Sad ponies and kittens wearing bow ties. Alternate title: Ummmm…….

  94. 94
    Mrs.Goodnight

    I’m sort of in awe right now because I’ve been using eBay to buy iPhone cases and gently used Alvin and the Chipmunks DVD’s. What the fuck have I been missing?!

    Ps… You need a secret “money I made cause I wrote a fucking book and can spend it on whatever I want” PayPal account.

  95. We could do a chip in through PayPal I just sent money so a dog could have its meds (’cause there is nothing worse than a crazed Corgi), why not do a chip in for a dead pony? Shoot, if everyone who comments on you post sent four dollars you’d have that pony next week. Pony up,everyone!

  96. Ahem… you actually need 3 of them, how else can you create a tribute band called: Pony! Poni! Poné

    With such epic lyrics as:

    Aaahh, aaahh, aaahh
    It feels good yeah / It feels good
    Oh it feels good / It feels good / sure feels good to me

    If the rhythm feels good to you baby
    Let me hear you sing
    If the rhythm feels good to you baby
    Let us take you away

    Words were their power.

    Victor will love it…. LOVE it.

    A.T.H. Webber recently posted Book of the month....

  97. How does Victor stand on Miss Tiggywinkle? I mean, you won’t save quite as much money on dead hedgehog food s you would on dead pony food, but at least she’s dressed!

    http://www.ebay.com/itm/MISS-TIGGYWINKLE-taxidermy-stuffed-mounted-hedgehog-beatrix-potter-/270885514555?pt=UK_Collectables_AnimalCollectables_SM&hash=item3f1208ed3b#ht_4798wt_1220

  98. I am thinking with a little work this could be the perfect mascot for the Unicorn Success Club.

    Which would make it a tax write off. It would be listed under advertisement or office supplies. Trust me. I do taxes.

    So, in truth, the pony/unicorn/mascot COULD actually MAKE YOU MONEY.

    Run that by the ol’ Vic-ster. And prepare to place your order, baby.

  99. Did you see how much it costs to ship that thing? Yowza!

    Sorry, I’m siding with Victor on this one!

    Dead horse not walking

    Cheryl D. recently posted Guest Post from a Fashionista!.

  100. I needed this blog post after the day I had today! I can’t stop laughing. It is frightening to me how much I resonate with your thought process. Thank you for your life.

  101. Technically, Pony Danza IS a horse- a Fallabella is the world’s smallest breed of horse, which is a TOTALLY different animal than a pony.

    However, there are no songs about Horsey Danza, so I’m guessing you could slide by naming him Pony Danza. Or Pony Orlando. Or Pony Soprano. Or Pony the Tiger.

    Wait. That last one wouldn’t work so much. Nevermind.

  102. I can’t believe people sell stuffed ponies online…. I feel like that’s something you need to “try before you buy” … like to see if it would scare you in the middle of the night and cause you to pee your pants.

    Jaime recently posted Knowing I'm no Oprah - GUEST POST!.

  103. I’m going to print out Pony Danza and a picture of you and glue you on his back. Then I will put you both on my vision board because that shit works! You’re welcome. p.s. If you wake up and you’re a centaur it’s totally not my fault. I’m trying to help, goddammit!

    Rach recently posted Girl Crazy.

  104. Wow. Shocked there are no bids yet. *not really, here is where a sarcatic font would come in handy*
    I’m with Victor. No. Way. Maybe if it weren’t so big. And dead.

    Michele recently posted Hawaii drivers are no ka oi!.

  105. Victor doesn’t sound like your dad because your dad would totally support buying a DEAD pony. Am I right?

    But I’ll be shipping on that thing is more than the bid.

    XLMIC recently posted An Art Car and Adrenal Fatigue.

  106. *bet* shipping. I’m not going to be shipping ;-)

    XLMIC recently posted An Art Car and Adrenal Fatigue.

  107. Oh please, it’s not like it’s their weirdest or even most expensive item! (Seriously, £1500 for a stuffed grouse? And why is a pig more expensive than a horse?) Victor should be grateful you don’t want to buy the hippo head or one of those pissed off looking foxes.

  108. So, I’ve got major depression and have been a solid supporter of the silver ribbon movement, especially after having to attempt to explain depression to my fiance who has no clue about how it works, and it’s difficult for him to understand at all. But here’s the thing: I think we need a SUPERDORK ribbon for this level of weirdness. Because I’m weird, I teach kids who are weird, and all that is weird is glorious to me. Can we somehow get both a depression ribbon *and* a DorkFestAwesomeFace ribbon? For those of us who celebrate taxidermy ponies, spock prints on regretsy, and dressing up as creepy fairies for funzies?

  109. 109
    Stephanie

    Victor clearly doesn’t see the potential… when your daughter goes through her “I want a pony” phase, you can say “you’ve already got one, sweetheart” and the topic will be closed. It’ll save MONTHS in begging!

  110. Is that pony standing in a casket? It’s fitting since it is dead after all. He could also make a cameo in Monk… “Pony Shalhoub”, the socially inadequate pony.

    Brandi @ String Cheese Runner recently posted Elevator Awkwardness.

  111. See, I think I have to send this to my boyfriend. He thinks it’s bad when I’ve bought 5 jackets in a week (What?! They’re all work appropriate except for maybe the green leather one, but for reals, yo, I *NEEDED* that jacket).

    Also, I will be singing “Hold me closer, Pony Danza” forever now. Also, I would advertise basically anything on Al Capony. Any.Thing.

    Sarah recently posted Where Is Your Placenta Buried?.

  112. Sorry Jenny, Victor is right. Even you’re calling it an impulse pony. Pony Danza needs a loving, permanent home. Think of the pony Jenny. THINK OF THE PONY.

  113. And you could make a mask for it … and name it Maska Pony

  114. It just dawned on me, I read this;

    “me: I wish I had enough money to buy a pony.
    Victor: You’re not responsible enough take care of a pony.
    me: That’s the beauty of this pony. IT’S ALREADY DEAD.”

    and it made me laugh so hard I had an asthma attack and I’m in the office and do you know where my pump is, in the blood car 4 floors down …….. hate you (not really)

    and do you know the other thing that popped into my head while dying of a Asthma attack I love Lucy – You and Victor could be the new Lucy and Desi !

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLzZmWGc8p4 The Fur Coat sums you two up I suspect…..

    Tom Stronach recently posted Twitter, Apps and iTunes.

  115. You see? THIS right here? Is why I love ya. Because any time I manage to work my hubby into a froth, I pull up your page and say, “Hey! You’re not alone, buddy. And at least I’m not asking for a dead pony!”
    Thank you for that! You may have saved a marriage…*grin*

    Chris Dean recently posted It's My Fault...Again!.

  116. The Brits ALWAYS have cooler stuff than we do…

  117. All I could thinks was, “I wonder if Tony Danza is reading this?” Which is weird, because there were so many other more logical first thoughts to have re: your desire to buy a dead pony on Ebay. So then I thought maybe I’m the freaky one for thinking about Tony Danza instead of just thinking my usual thought, i.e. how strange you are. Then I decided I was overanalyzing and decided the best remedy was to just talk it out here in a comment.

    Ernestine recently posted Okay, now I'm never leaving.

  118. Who’s the boss? Who’s the boss???
    That freakin’ pony’s the boss!
    That is all.

    Andrea Mulder-Slater recently posted Another reason to keep my mouth shut.

  119. Dead ponies are too sad. Leave it.

    tokenblogger recently posted My big brother….

  120. shipping a dead pony is a bitch – the postage will be more than the pony. trust me on this one.

  121. This may solve our problem with our horse-obsessed daughter…or it might send her to therapy. Still, it’s a whole lot cheaper than $650 a MONTH for boarding a horse. (But, ewwww.)

    Julie recently posted (International) Garden Bloggers' Bloom Day.

  122. 122
    Anonymous

    This impulse pony could actually be quite the cash cow. You could vend him out for use in various scenarios that would need only one line:

    1. For use at card games (or craps, or playing jacks for money with kids);
    2. For use in knee-breaking situations due to non-returnage of lent funds; and
    3. For use by the world’s best bill collector.

    The one line: “Pony up, motherfucker.”

  123. This could actually turn into quite the cash non-cow. You could vend him out in the following situations, all of which use only one line:

    1. For use in card games (or craps, or playing jacks with kids);
    2. For use in knee-breaking situations for non-returnage of lent monies; and
    3. For use by the world’s most efficient bill collector.

    The one line: “Pony up, motherfucker.”

    Arnebya recently posted Writer’s Workshop: Fame.

  124. I HAVE IT! Are you ready? The center of your taxidermied animal collection could be….a carousel made out of taxidermied animals! You could totally sell tickets to that.

    Beckles recently posted Nerd Alert.

  125. 125
    Pat Calchera

    That’s why they always have the dead ponies by the cash register. Definitely an impulse buy. And why is it that I now want a dead pony? Is it because you’ve made it sound like so much fun? Or that I see the marketing potential? Why not let Pony Danza be the mascot for a new political party? Awesomeness!

  126. That’s the cutest dead pony ever.

  127. Still laughing about what my husband would say about this. He was mildly supportive of my infatuation with getting a pot bellied pig which I convinced him we could toilet train like a cat but in the end we ended up getting a dog. He’s a Standard Poodle and my twins ride him like a pony. So, maybe a poodle is good for you too!

    BusyMomofTwins recently posted Should we stay or should we go?.

  128. I’d go more for Pony Manero. You still don’t have it and I’m already lmao at the future posts about it!

  129. I’m impressed by anyone who can use the words ‘beauty’ and ‘dead’ ‘pony’ in one post. Well played.

    Cathy D. recently posted And now the awesome sound.

  130. Hold me closer, Pony Danza is one of the best things I’ve heard all day. And I’ve heard some really good things today, so you know, you have that going for you. Don’t you feel special?

    You must have that pony. I think Beyonce needs a friend to help watch over your backyard. Why doesn’t Victor every understand your entirely reasonable requests? Sigh. Men, right?

    Misty recently posted Singin’ in the Rai . . . ..

  131. I don’t think LIVING ponies even cost $700. Possibly I’ve been out of the living pony biz too long. When I was a child you could get a living horse for $700. . . of course maybe they’re counting on the “look how much money I saved since the pony isn’t alive” angle.

    Really, that Pony looks pretty mangy, But, slap a horn and goat hooves on it, and you’ve got a SWEET unicorn. Probably it’s important to bring up to Victor how important a unicorn is to your continued brand recognition. . . you know, with the double unicorn success something something club thing.

    Jim W. recently posted Brave.

  132. You wouldn’t need to sell it after you’re done with it being “just a taxidermied pony.” You could use it as a towel rack, or something to drape your not-dirty-enough-to-wash clothes over because you can’t just hang them in the closet with the regular clean clothes again.

    Think of all the money you’ll be saving on clothes/towel racks! Victor isn’t seeing the big picture. Your picture is huge and he doesn’t even know it.

    (Also, that pony’s legs are weird. You’d also need to invest in a few pairs of legwarmers, so you don’t have to look at the legs and also so they stay warm.)

    breanne recently posted What Happens When You’re Too Lazy to Use the Internet.

  133. and at just over $300 its practically telling you “YOU MUST BUY ME!!!”

  134. Shipping is a whole nother thing entirely

  135. Nothing like a little “perspective pony” to brighten one’s day…you are undeniably awesome!

  136. No, no, NO. The monkey has to ride a pig. Haven’t you seen the Youtube video???

    Sarah B. recently posted Updates!.

  137. I’m going to buy this pony RIGHT now, just so I can call him Al Caponey. And then you can adopt him from me, so it’s like you’re doing a service.

    Ashley recently posted The little dater who could..

  138. So I’m lazy, and I didn’t read all the comments before me, but what if it was a metal pony? THEN would you be allowed to get it? You know, to keep Beyonce company. I think you need a giant metal pony.

    Amanda recently posted Mmmm…Cinnamon Rolls.

  139. You had me at “Hold me closer Pony Danza.” And that was before I even got to “beating a dead horse.” Add my name to the multitudes who believe you need that pony.

    Natalie recently posted And Then I Ended Up on a Gang's Hit List.

  140. 1. I’m so bummed I missed Will Wheaton’s tweet – I’ll have to go back and look for it.
    2. Pony Danza cracks me up.
    3. I love all the bizarre stuff you can find on ebay… who knew you’d find a taxidermied pony…

  141. We bought an impulse puppy once. I was two and a half months pregnant. Didn’t go really well.

  142. i fucking love you.

    i choked on my banana a little. (laughing though, so, totally worth it.

    always bring a banana to a party.

    danielle recently posted T-Shirt Restyle: Making the most of what you have..

  143. You can make your money back by renting Al Capony to the mob to put in someone’s bed they are going to whack. BUT it’s a reusable antique pony head so it’s green! Even mobsters are ecologically minded these days.

    condoblues recently posted I’m in a Magazine AND a Book!.

  144. You are awesome :) Thank you !

  145. That is like thinking Beyonce was an impulse buy.

  146. The name FALABELLA is so beautiful that I am sad you are not using it. I would be willing to advertise on a dead pony. Sign me up!

    Elle Persephone recently posted Match.com = Communists!.

  147. Victor might like it if you called it a porny instead of a pony.. men like porn..

  148. Tell Victor to ‘pony up’!

  149. 150
    oregonbird

    I think you ought to know – well, you probably know, but I’m going to complain anyway – that Facebook DOES NOT LET YOUR POSTS APPEAR ON MY FEED. I understand that Facebook feels I need to be protected from Al Jazeera and Mother Jones, and for some reason from street fashion of Beirut, Lisbon and Amsterdam, but I ask you — what’s the point of being on facebook when the very people you most want to communicate with are treated like communicable diseases?

  150. Oh Jesus. I am crying with laughter. I think Beyonce the chicken could totally use a friend. Don’t dead ponies and metal chickens always get along on the farm?? I would have totally sprung for this pony last year at my daughter’s WAY too expensive real-life pony party. You could have saved me a fortune!
    http://www.thedoseofreality.com/2011/12/07/double-the-friends-double-the-fun-double-the-spending/

    thedoseofreality recently posted Always Be Prepared.

  151. Genius. Good pony advertisement space is hard to come by these days.

    alaina recently posted Potty Mouths..

  152. And here I thought I was a genius for giving my daughter a toy pony that talks. THIS pony doesn’t say “Hi, I’m Sky Wishes” over and over and OVER again.

    I definitely should have bought her a dead pony instead of a toy one. Dead ponies don’t require batteries.

    Alexa O recently posted Messing with Texas.

  153. When my barking mutt gets stuffed for waking the rugrats over a cat walking outside I will give you him to go with your pony.

  154. Name suggestion – Pony Orlando. Then when you get the monkey, you can name her… Dawn. (I kill me.)

    Kara recently posted No Doubt – Settle Down.

  155. I would totally advertise on the side of your pony. I couldn’t pay like $700, but I would totally shell out $100 to pimp my jewelry with your pony. I would even make him an awesome pony-sized necklace! See, you’re practically rolling in the money that Advertising Superstar Pony Danza is bringing you!

  156. As you yourself almost said: tonight we’ll party as if we ALL had [ethically-taxidermed antique] ponies!

    Claire J recently posted Things Switzerland Has Taught Me – Or “How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Love The Naked Sauna”.

  157. If you find a dead deer, you could name them Pony Orlando and Fawn.

  158. Oregonbird – I have that problem with some pages that I follow – I created a list that I call “Pages I don’t see”. Then when new posts appear, I get the number notification thingy that there’s new stuff for me to look upon.

    Kara recently posted No Doubt – Settle Down.

  159. Seriously, “Clip-Clop Motherfucker” is the best line I’ve heard in WEEKS. Love ya

    Suzy recently posted Spicy Dill Pickles.

  160. I was thinking Hold Me Closer Pony Danza and then YOU SAID IT! It’s like we share a brain.
    Good luck with the pony purchase, I can’t even kick in a handful of dead grass to feed the dead pony at present time.

    dysfunctional mom recently posted Hold On - We're Headed for a Better Life!.

  161. Just thinking after Pony Danza has lost his sparkle, you can use him in the kitchen to rest a cook book on his back. The fur would keep the book from sliding around and well… it’s what I would do. You should watch “The Man from Snowy River” so when you are tired of him, it would still be a nod to literature to call him “Old Regret” (Another thought that JUST came to me ~ you could put a couple of baskets over him and use him for a fruit bowl – how many kids can say “I get my daily fruit from Pony Danza / Old Regret”)

  162. I have a feeling that the Pawtographer http://www.thepawtographer.com/ will be interested in getting his logo on Pony Danza, he seems no stranger to animals in weird positions and costumes! He might even do the photo shoot himself – There sponsor found – no go get him cowgirl! :)

  163. WOW, that is a lot of thought on a dead pony… I truly remarkable marketing pony though it appears.

    TheFeelGoodDepot recently posted Boss Gives Employees $7,500 for Dream Vacations – The Feel Good Depot Way.

  164. A woman I knew made her husband keep his trophies in their frog (finished room over garage) and the back corridor leading to it. Not that I’m suggesting this, because that hallway was really fucking scary, and many of your critters are small and smartly dressed, so you wouldn’t want them stepped on.

  165. Who the hell has had this pony before you? 100 years?! So other families have been arguing about keeping it and making bad puns for a century?!

    Pish Posh recently posted People of the Yard Sale, in Reflection.

  166. dead, dead ponies…you’ll own one someday
    dead, dead ponies…gotta drag them away

    Rene Foran recently posted widow in black.

  167. Read Victor the poem “Little Abigail and the Beautiful Pony” by Shel Silverstein and you may just get your way.

    Christina recently posted Visit to England, Part 3: Puppy Dogs.

  168. I think your assumption of a dead pony bidding war may be overly optimistic. I could be wrong but somehow I doubt it.

    Rebeccah recently posted My Jack Russell Terrier Is Actually A Water Buffalo In Disguise. Or Maybe A Wildebeest..

  169. Although, upon second thought, HALF a pony would be infinitely more macabre and interesting.

    Rebeccah recently posted My Jack Russell Terrier Is Actually A Water Buffalo In Disguise. Or Maybe A Wildebeest..

  170. It’s too bad he couldn’t be a spokes-pony, but he’s just a little hoarse.

    Anonyvox recently posted Stuff Doesn’t Make Us Happy, So Why Do We Want More?.

  171. I have to say that this one I am with Victor on. I know that is sacrilege and you can be mad at me, but really a taxidermied pony that will have to be shipped overseas? This is over the top even for you.

    I will willingly accept my backlash now.

    Sweety Darlin recently posted Don't hire family! PERIOD!.

  172. 173
    Sarahlalalalala

    We need the pony, and the monkey, and we can dress the monkey like a Spanish Don and name him Mon Key-hotay (phonetically spelled for the convenience of the interwebs.)

  173. Every girl should have the opportunity to own a pony. Stuffed or not.

    Becky recently posted A Magic Girls Night Out.

  174. I actually really DID have a pony named “Al Capony.” No shit.

    He could get out of any stall or paddock you put him in. We lived on a lake and he figured out that in the middle of winter, you can walk on the water, so at 2am he rounded up a couple of our horses and two of the neighbors and ran away. Maybe they heard about a hot pony party and were sneaking away for it. Damn, was my dad mad when he got a call at 3am from the sheriff. But not as mad as the neighbor when HE got the call from the sheriff that his mares were caught following our little white Al Capony across the lake.

    Good times.

    Dory recently posted Dare I dream?!.

  175. Im in, my website is not up yet but it will be soon, i own the domain
    Ucantmakethisshitup.net…..perfect for dead pony advertising.

  176. “Hold me closer, Pony Danza.” I almost peed my pants. True and true.

  177. I see a couple of potential problems with this scenario. First of all, the aforementioned dead pony would have to be shipped all the way from the UK. Big postage bill! Looks like his oh-so-ancient taxidermied hide is pretty fragile looking… I can see one of those little legs just snapping off. Then where would you be? With a three-legged Pony Danza. And that just ain’t right, girlfriend. Secondly, Hailey deserves to be able to hug a live pony who will devotedly follow her around begging for carrots, let her kiss it on the nose and cost Victor a fortune in vet bills. As it just so happens, I was downsized from my job in April (sucks) and have a spare pony for you! Eureka! Okay, so it’s not so much a pony as a very swaybacked 21-year-old retired Morgan broodmare… but still, she has four legs that won’t snap off. And all you’ll need to do is pony up the trucking fee from Maine because, well, being unemployed means I’m probably more broke than you at this point. Let me know…

  178. P.S. You can also advertise on the side of my broodmare. She’s pretty bombproof and certainly won’t mind wearing a sandwich board for a good cause. Just don’t staple the signs on her, please.

  179. I think you should ask yourself: Where will Pony Soprano ( I like that one ) end up? Will it be out back with the organically alarmed Beyonce? Or in the garage, next to the Chupacabra/Cobra love fest/battle scene? At some point, either Victor will go batshit crazy and call a removal service, or you’re going to have the most awesome yard sale ever .

  180. 181
    Conurekook

    You have me looking on EBay for weird taxidermy, like the AWESOME squirrel, bronc busting a giant rattlesnake, waving a teeny cowboy hat. If I were rich, it would have been yours. This pony however, Ewwwwww…just…Ewwwwww.

  181. Boy will Victor be surprise when we show up on your door step with all of our worldly belongings. He’ll forget all about the pony.

  182. You can lead a dead pony to Coke but you can’t make him slurp.

    Carrie - Cannibalistic Nerd recently posted The All-New Super Friends Round Up S2 Ep5D – “Energy Mass”.

  183. Not that pony..it’s pretty crusty looking..like it’s ears would fall off in transit..maybe you should get an ancient alive pony, feed it, and love it, and get used to paying for it and then when the poor thing kicks the bucket you can actually save on the feed bill, and you’ll know it was ethically stuffed because it will have died of old pony age..Or, you could just visit my alive horses, and take home pictures of them, which would be almost as nice as having a dusty old victorian pony that’ll prolly kill you in your sleep..if I’d have known you wanted a dead equine, we all coulda pitched in and bought you Trigger when he got sold from the Roy Rogers Museum.

    J. Martin recently posted Story post, part 1.

  184. Hey Jenny!

    My wife made me read your book and I absolutely loved it. It lead me to this blog. Where I read this post. You becamse my favorite person that I’ve never met because of it. So congrats. The awards ceremony is in the spring and we’d love it if you could come out. I’m not supposed to tell anyone you’ve one this prestigous award, so let’s keep it between us.

    But for serious, reading your blog inspires me to write in my own blog. I never do, but I still feel inspired and that’s something right?

  185. I love you. That is all. :-)

  186. this is amazing. genius conversation, and definitely needed the laugh this morning! best part, “hold me closer Pony Danza.”

  187. We’re cleaning out my mom’s house and she has a taxidermied pheasant and a duck. I know they are no pony, but they could each wear ad signs around their necks to raise money to buy Pony Danz.

  188. Ooh, I want to buy advertising on the pony! I really do. But I’m not sure if you can accept advertising from a dirty book writer. Hey, my stuff is better than that Shades of Grey nonsense!

    *insert joke about pony play here*

    Either way, I think you may have just launched a Pony-advertising business, which would be pretty much par for the course in your world. I know I’d sell more books via Pony Danza than those lame Goodreads ads. Hit me up!

    Annabel Joseph recently posted Seven Sentence Sunday – The Edge of the Earth.

  189. OMG! Im going to have nightmares… But I too love you….

    Kerry :) recently posted … Can it really have been thirteen years….

  190. Tell Victor, Wil said “Don’t be a Dick” and to Pony up for the Pony! Seriously, its like he WANTS you to be poor!

    Em recently posted Karma(l) apples and oranges.

  191. Hmm, you know, my company does use horse meat in the carnivore products we produce to feed the animals at the zoo. Maybe we could sponsor the other half and use Pony Danza at our conferences. I’m sure the zoological people would LOVE that.

    Gamanda recently posted A hard lesson learned.

  192. If you get Pony Danza, you could totally bring back Who’s the Boss..only with taxidermy animals. Brilliant.

  193. That’s a disturbing item. But the hold me closer Pony Danza joke was fucking hysterical.

  194. I’m with Lisa. No pony poop to pick up makes a dead pony possibly the best pony!

    Seanna Lea recently posted a week of ice cream.

  195. I nearly laughed up my liver at “Pony Danza” and your “Clip-Clop, Motherfucker” photo caption.

  196. Drea- Pony Orlando and Fawn made me bark with laughter. I scared the cat.

    *high five*

  197. I like that the shipping is more than the pony. Someone is out to make a killing.

    sorry.

    Suzy recently posted Working Out Means Never Having To Say No Dessert For Me.

  198. I’ve got $350 for your pony’s head! I mean, for advertising. Yeah.

    LaurenPMS recently posted PMS Adventures #9: WWBCD?.

  199. Ahhh! This horse is 10 minutes from where I live. I had no idea I could buy such wonders so close to where I live.

  200. I just wanted to tell you that you make my days a whole lot better. I just recently listened to your book on a long drive and it was amazing. I have struggled with depression and anxiety for a long time now and you write about that struggle so brilliantly it makes me see the other side. Plus you are bat shit crazy funny and I love that. I hope your pony arrives soon!

  201. Oh I’m SO glad the Twitter extravaganza resulted in your Pony Danza. Hahaha! My husband is still on Victor’s side, but I support your ponydom.

    Also, Tiny Dancer is now stuck in my head and I have visions of Sir Elton slow dancing with a taxedermied pony on stage. Which isn’t an impossiblity, really. Great. Thanks for that.

    Jess recently posted Why I Bellydance (This is not a funny post. You probably don't want to read it)..

  202. LMAO. I just spit coffee all over your “Pony Danza”. Thank God he is the same color as my coffee, so I didn’t stain him. Just a thought…I thought I would help Victor on this one…

    If you put Pony Danza outside….don’t forget crawly things and bugs…fumigate often…and even though this pony is a free feeder…the upkeep is a lot of work…brushing…braiding….fly spray…all that grooming…just sayin’.

    Momma Fargo recently posted Life With Eyes Open.

  203. Maybe Victor would like it better if it was named Pony Soprano?

  204. Couldn’t you find an American stuffed antique miniature pony?

  205. The people at Camp Mighty are awesome. I’ve been saying all week (yeah, two days) that I wish I could go. Congrats on getting Pony Danza!

    Mindy recently posted My First Visit to Cars Land!.

  206. The only thing with more potential comedy gold would be a taxidermied ass (the donkey-like kind). I tried to search online for you, but searching for a stuffed ass comes up with 38.9 million porn hits.

  207. The internet is awesome. I’m glad so many people came to your aid. A life without Pony Danza would be a half life.

    Lace recently posted Starbucks Review: Refreshers (UPDATED).

  208. Don’t you mean ‘PONY Danza is mine’? ;->

  209. Long live the internets! Without which, you would not have a dead pony.

    Jackie recently posted I'm Joining the Circus!.

  210. Sometimes I feel like I need a twitter account just to follow you and understand the rest of your posts. Totally jealous of Pony Danza. Make it a quadra-corn!

  211. Fun, fun, fun. Also, I love the word “Falabella.”

    Kathleen recently posted Fresh Out of the Oven.

  212. Bahahaha “hold me closer Pony Danza” is cracking me up! Congrats on your new addition!

  213. Time to shake the dust off the old “Mr. Ed” theme song…

    A Dead horse is, of course, a tour de force
    No matter if Victor will not endorse
    Because, of course, this tour de force is stuffed from ass to head

    Look out on the porch, you’ll know of course
    That clip-clopping nag has no remorse
    He’ll knock til you open up those doors
    That’s what Wil Wheaton said!

    Bloggess quickly sent a tweet
    Seeking funds with which to pay
    Her PayPal account is drained, you see
    Won’t someone save the day?

    This horse is much more than a tour de force
    It’s a viable advertising source
    I’ll bet even Elton John supports

    “PONY DANZA MUST BE HAD!!”

    “Pony Danza” lyrics to follow. Eventually.

    (And I’m quite sure Sir Elton would approve. It wouldn’t be the first time an old melody of his was refreshed with new lyrics.)

    Hermione Snarque recently posted Asked & Answered.

  214. 215
    Minnesota Red

    So, how’s Victor? :)

  215. So I totally clicked on those sponsor links because any sponsor willing to buy a dead pony for you to dress up is my kind of a cool company. You need to add a link to PMS comics. They are funny.

  216. YAY! Glad you got sponsorship for him. How big is he? I don’t see any measurements on the ebay listing.

  217. Lady! My bladder cannot handle all your funny. Jeebus.

    Kathy V. recently posted Ode To My Breasts.

  218. I cannot stop laughing about this! Everyone at work thinks I’m crazy now, because I spontaneously start laughing as I sit alone at my desk. Oh, this will be a good day. ^_^

    kat rowley recently posted I Fly Like Paper, Get High Like Planes.

  219. Love this so much! Wil Wheaton’s tweet was made of awesome, as well! Congrats on your new pony! Your daughter is going to have the most epic birthday parties complete with dead pony rides! :D

    Bethie recently posted Lost Children.

  220. Sponsors! That right there is awesome.

    Kelly at Cibatarian recently posted B/CS Food Truck News.

  221. just in case it’s been too long since the last time I said this…I lurve you.

    Karen recently posted Things (people, places) I love in 400 words….

  222. I just love you so much! This completely made my day.

  223. There is WAY too much awesomeness in this post. I think you should start looking for a second dead pony… so you could position it to be stratigically mounting the first dead pony. Then you could place TWO advertisements on the dead pony showcase!!!

  224. This was the best post ever. I love how Victor clears out your paypal and the internet jumps in to save the day. If I had any money, I would totally pitch in for the monkey.

    Melodie recently posted Asperger Syndrome.

  225. I, ha-ha-hi, ha-ha-hiiiiii…

    Dig a Pony….

  226. Just Googled “ethically taxidermied monkey jockey” to help you get a jump-start on Phase II. My computer crashed. I think I broke Google.

    kaela recently posted Shiro Plum & White Corn Salsa.

  227. I see big fat promotions for the people who decided to sponsor your purchase! What could be better than your company name superimposed on the front of a dead, stuffed pony??!! Genius!

    Mary recently posted A birthday surprise (Kura bed makeover).

  228. OMG, I almost fell off of my chair at implus pony. Love it!!!

  229. I wish the hell you could know how much joy you bring to my dreary days. I fuckiung love you, girl!

  230. HAHAHA!!!! This is too funny for words!!! I’m so jealous! And I would say Victor is only delighted!!! :)

    Colette recently posted incy wincy spider.

  231. 233
    Star Austin

    I’m pretty sure the word “FALLABELLA” translates to “BEAUTIFUL BLOWJOB.” Now, my Italian is a little rusty, and also I never knew Italian, so I could be wrong.

  232. You know how they put Live Animals on the crate when you get something actually alive shipped to you? Will they write Dead Animals on this one? I hope so.

    Adrasteia recently posted Caught in the act.

  233. Mazel tov!

    Hold me closer, Pony Danza
    Count the head lice on the highway…..

  234. Rationalize the impulse pony – Beyonce needs a new friend.

    Am I the only one who was bothered by the “Have one to sell?” angle on eBay here? Why, yes, I have a stuffed dead antique pony right next to the stuffed rainbow unicorn in my garage. And if you look in my mother’s basement, which could land a spot on Hoarders, I’m quite sure you’ll find six or seven she might be willing to part with.

    Denise Malloy recently posted Kirkus Reviews A Real Mother.

  235. Jesus, I need your negotiating skills in life.

    Specifically, your bid-to-own-taxidermied-animals negotiating skills.

    That shit is genius. AND INDEED, rife with comedy gold.

    *bow*

    Stephanie C | Seriously? Really?? Seriously? recently posted Oh. Hai..

  236. If your home were a museum I would travel to Texas SOLELY to visit it.

    Kelly@Sublurban Mama recently posted Picture Tutorial: Crap's about to get real..

  237. I didn’t read all the comments, so if someone else already mentioned, I apologize. But you know who would look awesome riding Pony Danza? Juanita the Weasel! Perched on his head all ” Jesus, I give up- you win- here’s you’re goddamn Pony!” ( as voiced by Victor, of course!) And also, Hamlet Von Schnitzel riding the pony would be a great cover for your next book, so of course it’s now a tax deductible business expense Pony!

    Erin recently posted Writer's Block.

  238. Jenny,

    Just sent you an email. Put me down for 100, just send me your pay pal account info.

    Karen

    Karen recently posted JINGLEHAMMER, The legend begins.

  239. I should not be as excited as I am about someone I don’t personally buying a dead, stuffed pony.

    Jaime recently posted Will now by stock in antibiotics.

  240. This is the most awesome idea ever! Can’t wait to see pictures of the real pony advertisement.

    Nat recently posted How much freakiness is allowed before breakfast?.

  241. Well, for the past 34 years Tiny Dancer has been “my” song for my daughter. She even married a music man and was seamstress for a band (true). SHE CURRENTLY OWNS A MINI HORSE THAT LOOKS JUST LIKE YOUR DEAD ONE. Thank god she has a sick sense of humor like the rest of our family (we’re Texans, too). I couldn’t forward your blog to her fast enough.

    “Hold me closer Pony Danza” – this was so funny it was worth destroying forever the tribute song for my first-and-only-born.

  242. Omg…”Pony Danza”. Can you please name all my pets from now on? PLEEEZZEE??

    Robin recently posted Little Things Mean a Lot.

  243. FWIW, I was totally singing ‘Hold me closer, Pony Daaaanza’ before I got to that part of your post. You totally need this pony. Impulse pony or not.

  244. …at least it’s not towels?

    jesspants recently posted 612 LUV.

  245. Just make sure you don’t let Hunter or Ferris hang out with it unsupervised. I have visions of scratching post-ed legs and taxidermied pony fur hairballs being hurked….

  246. You do realize that shipping for that is going to be like another $450, don’t you? Victor’s going to be PISSED! Better find more sponsors.

  247. You have made my day ridiculously amazing. Choking-on-lunch-funny-snorting-making-the-cubesters-near-me crazy hilarity right there chick. Thank you. That is all.

  248. 250
    Debs (Findawe)

    Everyone on twitter just WISHES we lived in your house

  249. You might want to check with customs enforcement. There could be special laws about bringing livestock (or deadstock- is that a word?) into the US.

  250. I have a co-worker with a few miniature ponies who might be able to stable her love of her precious pets in order to ride this new fad. Plus, they are far healthier than this one, which looks a little skinny.

  251. Simultaneously, somewhere on the other side of the Atlantic, a husband who looks a little like Victor with an English accent breaths a sigh of relief, “I thought we’d NEVER get rid of that impulse pony you picked up, Penny. God bless those crazy Americans and their web campaigns. I’ll get the packing tape.”

  252. OMG! Pony Danza is totally made of W.I.N. :D

    Cara(Eli) recently posted One down,.

  253. YES! A UNICORN HORN!!!! I could crochet one for you… and a top hat… because Pony needs a top hat. I could also crochet a stuffed monkey, but I think a real stuffed one is more your style.

    Keaven Neely recently posted Shallow, I know... But that's what you get..

  254. 257
    DearSweetMama

    I want a stuffed Woodchuck. We now live on Woodchuck Lane, and I think one peering through the window by the door would be awesome. The Concubine, not so much but I think she would come around. Know where I can find one?

  255. Copernicus needs to ride Pony Danza while Beyonce watches.

    NATurally Inappropriate recently posted Something horrible happened today.

  256. When the pony arrives, if it’s really good looking, can you please name in Anponio Banderas?

  257. OMG, this is worse than a 3-legged pony, and you ACTUALLY want it! No wonder you worked in HR at you-know-where. You make getting a dead pony sound desirable.

    Pony Danza would give me nightmares.

    mousebert recently posted My Little Pony.

  258. Thinking of starting a dead pony’s society?

    Juanita needs some more FRIENDS!

  259. That’s BeAUTIFUL! Btw I just had a brilliant brain blast, if I do say so my self:
    Dead petting zoo. You have enough animals now. Time to earn back the money you invested in them! You could do birthday partys, bar mitzahs, office party, etc. Guaranteed gold mine. You’re welcome.

    Izzy Mason recently posted Soo...This Story's Not True. Just Saying..

  260. Or, you could try one of THESE ponies: http://www.pony-expressions.com/category-s/1834.htm. No feeding, formaldehyde, or shit-schlepping required!

    Small enough to ride along in your pocket, loveable, and not dead OR alive so the ick factor (and smell) are minimal. Plus, for those with a spiritual perspective, the gemstones offer a menagerie of healing properties.

    Thanks for the guffaws. I needed that.

  261. I noticed that your ebay username is jamesjen. Is Victor not your husbands name? Victor sounds like it could be made up.

    (That’s his middle name. ~Jenny)

  262. What, no “Share” button? I totally want to share this!

  263. Since you firmly planted that ear worm, I give you:

    Pony Danza ~ A Plea To FedEx
    (with apologies to Sir Elton John)

    Taxiderm’d Pony, looks so lonely, stuck on a wooden stand
    Glassy eyed, dusty hide, it’s destined for Lone Star land
    #Falabella (may trend on Twitter) please no bids above a grand
    Desired by Jenny, has fans aplenty, Pony Danza must be had!

    Bloggess tweets to all her peeps
    Seeking funds to bring it home
    There’s no lack, they’ve got her back
    The Twitterverse if oft like that

    She’s got a plan, clever woman
    Unicorns for everyone
    Blogging on, knows it’s not wrong
    ‘Cause now Juanita’s looking glum

    You know now the need is real
    200 quid is such a deal
    But shipping fees are gonna kill me
    So I say FedEx, help me

    Ship for free her Pony Danza
    She’ll post your logo on its hind leg
    I’ll link to you in all my blog posts
    There really is no other way

    Ship for free her Pony Danza
    She’ll post your logo on its hind leg
    I’ll link to you in all my blog posts
    There really is no other way

    Hermione Snarque recently posted Asked & Answered.

  264. I LOVE Pony Danza! And when you’re sick of him you can just put him in the TARDIS. There’s lots of room in there.

    Janene recently posted We could all use a little glamour.

  265. I hope you win the pony. How can Victor object? It’s got to be tax deductible.

    Kudos to Filing Jointly, Camp Mighty, and PMS Comics for having a sense of humor.

    Sue recently posted Picking out a new dog.

  266. You realize, you’re moving out of taxidermy collection territory, into taxidermy CIRCUS status. And if you have a circus, you have to have elephants – which you could use both as circus animals, and posed with the donkey, er, pony, to represent the upcoming elections. it’s a two-fer!

    Beverly Diehl recently posted Popping My Cherry at ToastWriters.

  267. I thought this was just going to be a little mockery of Suri not getting her puppy- but you do what you always do and make me laugh at the most ridiculous things ever.

  268. I feel sorry for Victor, but I was cheering for you all along to get Tony Danza!!

    Sandy recently posted Comment on Beware of Contact Highs by Sandy.

  269. I am not entirely sure why we haven’t considered Copernicus to ride this horse?

    Amanda recently posted Why Literary Fellas Have Ruined My Chances For Love.

  270. You live a strange and mystical life, Jenny. I so love your wacky world. xo

    Lillian recently posted Sorry... but I'm gonna have to title this: Why Me.

  271. First, when Pony Danza arrives, you need to put him in front of Victor’s office with a sign that says, “WHO’S THE BOSS?”

    Second, I am a poor but proud blogger, but I want to support your understandable taxidermy habit. What will $100 buy the little, pony-less people? We are here for you in small, insignificant ways. Awaiting instructions.

    Julie the Wife recently posted Et Tu, Vending Machine.

  272. 275
    Wrecktacular

    Please make a T-shirt that says CLIPCLOP MOTHERFUCKER.

  273. HA! Ha. I was like, “I’ll go in on the dead pony,” and literally saw that Laura beat me to it while I was reading.

    Maggie Mason recently posted Come to Camp Mighty!.

  274. Weird Museum of the Week – 44 Dioramas of Dead Gophers http://manonthelam.com/44-dioramas-of-dead-gophers-gopher-hole-museum-torrington-alberta/
    Facing a closing school, a dying economy, and the exodus of both jobs and people, the town elders got together and decided to do what all town elders do to keep their town alive – they killed and stuffed gophers.
    Thought you might like this one!

  275. I’ve been reading this blog for a while, but did not feel compelled to join the madness until “Pony Danza”. How many of us just peed a little bit? I know I did. And I am thinking about changing my stuffed beaver’s name from Aunt Bea to something more creative. She has been Bea Verr for many years now; and if anyone suggests Justin Beaver I will projectile vomit.

  276. Exactly what search words did you put in when you came across this pony on eBay?

  277. I’m an awe that you were able to make that happen! How often do you need to brush a pony that out of curiosity?

    Jenny Starley recently posted Hey Mickey!.

  278. Gotta love the sponsors!! Hats off to Pony Danza :)

    Rachel recently posted Getting Kids to Smile in Photos.

  279. I’m sorry to inform you that the pony that people ponied up to help you buy did not die of natural causes. It was clearly malnourished. In fact, I know ponies quite well and I think that your Pony Danza is actually not a pony at all, but part goat/part Small Tufted deer. I’m so sorry that I crushed your dreams of owning a pony. On the other hand, goat/deer or “deoats”, as I call them, are still great at guarding packages and love to be sung to and held. They also like monkeys.

    http://www.123rf.com/photo_3889774_the-small-tufted-deer-lives-retiring-in-the-woods-of-birma-and-china.html

    Johi recently posted Even when you lose, you win.

  280. Falabella is a RARE breed according to the internet. Therefore, this is antique AND rare. Obviously, a MUST buy!

  281. Other names for the pony:

    Poni Morrison: In case the pony is deep and sad (which it probably is because it’s dead) and you really want to be on Oprah.

    Bone, Thugs, and Harpony: No explanation needed.

    HImbokal recently posted Chuck Norris Beats The Heat…To The Death!.

  282. i want to play with pony danza!!! does it give dead pony rides?

    jacky recently posted The saga of Bellas' maladies continues.....

  283. Wil Wheaton tweets to you? How awesome is that????

    Maria recently posted Burrito Baby At The 7 Wonders Of The Ancient World.

  284. Hell, put a horn on it and you have a unicorn…It could be the new mascot for the unicorn success club!

  285. Our marketing director carefully considered dead pony sponsorship.

    As attractive as that opportunity is, especially with the inevitable unicorn horn and stuffed monkey-rider, he has decided to wait for the inevitable dead elephant and/or spermwhale sponsorship.

    He figures we can get lot more logos on them.

    He’d also be VERY KEEN on a stuffed dead Tyrannosaurus.

    (Actually he’d pay MORE if it were a LIVE Tyrannosaurus and it did not eat him).

    We have a coupon for it somewhere around here.

    Please keep us on you Stuffed Dead Animals mailing list.

    HogsAteMySister recently posted On Loving Dogs.

  286. wow…I can’t wait to see it….hey what ever happened to the Mouse Orchestra?

  287. P.S.

    If you get a SECOND stuffed dead pony, before the stuffed dead elephant or spermwhale or Tyrannousaurus, we suggest this name.

    Pony Maronie.

    It comes with its very own theme song.

    In fact, in many, many versions.

    All the stuffed animals will be rocking.

    And Victor will love it.

    HogsAteMySister recently posted On Loving Dogs.

  288. Beyonce needs a boyfriend and I think Pony Danza would be perfect! They can be dressed in formal wear during prom season! Betsy Ross & Uncle Sam in the summer! Mr. & Mrs. Claus at Christmas! The possibilities, and entertainement value, are endless…..

  289. I came here hoping for writer’s block and more cute cat photos. I’m leaving with images of a dead horse and hoping for writer’s block tomorrow.

    Just kidding. That’s some funny stuff. Hope you win your dead pony.

  290. 293
    KellyBundysEvilTwin

    Wants to be at Customs when Ponyboy arrives….

  291. 294
    Kim Gourlay

    You. Are. AWESOME! I vote for Pony Soprano.

  292. At some point, Victor and you will have the most kick ass and hilariously weird 50th anniversary party one day and the slide show of your adventures will be epic. You should project it onto a white screen attached to Pony Danza.

  293. So happy to have been able to help! I even got myself a little something to commemorate the occasion. A very small version of Pony Danza. My very own Tiny Danza. I blogged about all of this today!

    Lauren@FilingJointly recently posted Hay I Just Met You, And This Is Neigh-zy, But Here's My Rear End, Purchase It Maybe?.

  294. I just had to explain to my coworkers why I am laughing hysterically at a story about a dead horse… thank you.

    Christene recently posted You Did What To Ducky?.

  295. You just made my headache go away. Thank You.

  296. Poor Victor can’t win when the internet enables your dead pony quests, lol!

    Hope you don’t get outbid!

  297. Love it!! What would be even better is if the ethically stuffed monkey was also holding a feather duster and had a voice box so it could yell out phrases like, “SO WHO’S THE BOSS, NOW, PONY DANZA??”

    Er, unless that would make it an “unethically” stuffed monkey… Honestly, I’ve never really understood where the line is.

    bschooled recently posted Love is Blind (Thank God).

  298. You’re kind of like the Stephen Colbert of the internet. Which means you should probably be dreaming bigger like getting bridges in Hungary named after you and things like that because I’m pretty sure you could make it happen faster than he can. I cannot wait to see all the photos of this badass pony.

    latenac recently posted Hike #14 - Sunset Ridge Trail.

  299. 302
    altalinda

    I dunno. That’a mangy looking pony.

  300. Crap and a half, you are actually getting it? I am impressed, appalled, all of the above. Wow. Wherever will you put Pony Danza?

    Caitlin recently posted how my atheism works.

  301. ALSO, speaking of Pony Danza, remember on Who’s The Boss when Angela got a new car and Tony decided he wasn’t going be pussy whipped by Angela anymore (even though she TOTALLY WAS the boss) and when he ordered her car he ordered it painted red and she freaked out? This is just like that, but with dead ponies. So you should totally get it, but give Victor the option of a color choice. Everyone wins.

    Kelly@Sublurban Mama recently posted Picture Tutorial: Crap's about to get real..

  302. He’s not stuffed yet but your cats might like this doberman..

    HST so needs a huge playmate.

    HogsAteMySister recently posted On Loving Dogs.

  303. How about when you get the money to buy this pitiful looking pony, you then use him to raise money for all the abused and starving horses in Texas. With the drought and insane heat, it is estimated that record numbers of animals are dying in Texas. You can probably find a free dead horse within ten miles of where you live.

  304. First of all, I love Maggie because she shares awesome people like you and hello? She’s Mighty.
    Second of all, I love Lauren because of her sense of humor. (Hi Lauren! I lurk regularly & never comment.)
    Third of all, OMG PMS Comics had me at Bruce Campbell.
    Congrats on 3 stellar advertisers. Can’t wait to see what they come up with.

    I understand why Copernicus will not be riding the pony. No one wants to strangle a dead pony.
    Take the cymbals away from the monkey you eventually get, but keep the fez.

    Who else types OMG PMS? Just me, I’m thinkin’.

  305. What a remarkable Pony Ebay Saga.

    Hope you enjoy every ounce of your dead pony.

    The Nerdy Nurse recently posted Are You Living a Secret Life Online?.

  306. I vote for Pony Curtis, because then you can stage your own dramatic versions of “Some Like It Trot”.

    Ba-dum tsh.

  307. The “inevitable unicorn horn” was the icing on the cake of awesomeness that is this post.

    MommyTime recently posted Urban-Language Barrier.

  308. “…even fucked up dreams need to come true sometimes”

    This deserves an e-card or even better a t-shirt!

  309. 312
    E M Foster

    Best post about a pony ever. EVER!! Jenny, you rock!!! I know I’ve told you that before. I want to thank you for proving to my husband that there are other things out there beside yarn and material I could spend money on. After the taxidermied pony, my three plastic totes of yarn I don’t know what I’m going to with it all don’t look too bad. Actually, it might be four totes. I really don’t remember anymore. Even the Mary Kay stash is looking good I think. ;-D

    Kudos to your three advertisers helping your dream come true!! This post is just awesome all the way around!! :-D

  310. this sounds like an advertising bonanza. i cannot wait to see dead pony advertising EVERYWHERE. this is going to be a phenomenon.

    monica recently posted I don't know much, but I do know the Chupacabra (and he's not the largest rodent in the world)..

  311. This is my first time visiting your blog and I have to say, that I’m happy I have. This post made my day. I always wanted a pony when I was younger, but my mom wouldn’t let me have one because I wouldn’t take care of it. She should have gotten me a stuffed pony like this one!

    Felicia recently posted I’m Back!.

  312. The internet is awesome and I love all of this.

  313. Put a fedora on its head, a cigar in its jaws, give it a miniature tommy gun and you have: Pony Soprano.

    (Thank you and please remember to tip the wait-staff.)

  314. I watched this all unfold on twitter last night… Too funny to then see a midnight post.
    I can’t wait to hear regular stories about ‘Pony Danza’. I’m sure Victor will learn to love him too in time.

    Molley Mills recently posted Electronic Free Zone.

  315. 318
    Jen Salvatore

    “Hold me closer *Pony Danza*”…Oh, if only, Elton John.

  316. I’d love to see the expression on the custom officials face

  317. Between the blog, the twitter, and the comments, I seriously HURT from laughing. Seriously funniest thing I’ve ever read on the Internet.

  318. Ok – I just checked the auction and you have competition – But don’t try to up your bid just yet! Wait til the very last second – then put in the absolute most you’re willing to spend……
    Hopefully whoever has decided to bid against you (the scoundrel!) will not have bid as high as you’re willing to………
    Ultimately – Pony Danza should be yours!

  319. 322
    Lady Penelope

    So the Lion won …

    (see 2008/2009 post with pic of lion riding horse)

  320. Sweet Jesus you are a wizard. I got nothin’ else.

    Kristen Mae recently posted Cicadas Are Sheep-Killers and I Might Be Going to Hell for Gluttony, a.k.a - The Cabin Vacation.

  321. I was all about using Pony Danza for advertising for the law firm we’re opening in Boulder. My partner does not share my enthusiasm and says that a taxidermied pony would be a bad advertising tool for a law firm. I disagree. Plus, we’re in Boulder, for heaven’s sake – they embrace this kind of thing there! Maybe not dead pony advertising per se but unique expression and all that.

    I’m totally going to win this argument.

    Jen @ Bible Belt to Boulder recently posted Finding our purpose on a paper cup at a farmer’s market. Of course..

  322. My friend and I have decided that you’re like a new pen pal – except we don’t write back. Reading your posts is just as much fun as if you sent something in the mail with glitter stickers on the envelope. Actually, better – we weren’t as funny back then. Well, maybe YOU were…?

    Want to know about something else creepy? A collection of 12, 000 elephant figurines. Down the road from Gettysburg, yup the one in the Civil War. A perfect match, wouldn’t you say? I was there last week: [Insert shameless plug here]
    http://americanathebeautiful.org/you-may-think-you-like-elephants/

  323. I’m thinking you could advertise your own book on it and then write off the cost of the pony on your taxes as a business deduction! Brilliant. I think I’m going to go back to school and become a tax attorney.

    Nikki Mohamed recently posted We're Having a Party Today.

  324. Good lord. I don’t even have words for the dead pony. There are no words. It’s just…wow. I’m speechless!

    Also, can you pretend that you really really need a VitaMix, a DSLR and a new car and then just quietly ship them to me? kthxbai :D

    Dangerous Lilly recently posted FixSation Couples Vibe – Not for Fat Chicks!.

  325. 328
    Cedarflame

    I have a number of questions to ask…

    1. I read your book, why can’t your father make you these things? There cannot be a lack of dead anything in Texas.

    2. How do you explain this stuffed stuff to your child?

    3. Are you going to be in need a pony saddle now for this?

    Well I guess that was not a number of questions…just a few.

    Wait one more…4…why the hell could you not come to Seattle? I am from the East coast…people read a hell of a lot more in Seattle and love quirky (it is politer than crazy ass) women.

  326. You might need another advertiser to pay for the postage from England!

  327. 330
    Cedarflame

    Yeah that was my 5th question…you know it is probably about 500 bucks to get that thing here don’t you?

    Really ride up and down the roads of Texas you will find a pony/.horse you can have posted or call the Estate of Roy Rogers and see what Trigger is doing these days.

  328. I would love to be a fly on the wall during discussions with your accountant. I would imagine it goes something like this. LOL

    And, Company X paid you $500 for what?

    A taxidermied pony.

    And Company Y paid you $500 for what again?

    A taxidermied monkey to ride the taxidermied pony.

    carol anne recently posted Caturday: My Little Writing Partner.

  329. So now that I’ve invested in waterproof mascara, I think I should spring for cowgirl boots to go with Pony Danza. I could send you mine — they’ve only been worn once.

  330. Umm, you do realize that the indicated price is 200 British Pounds, right? That’s about $311 US dollars. You might have to defer the monkey for a while.

  331. Well, when Victor is being an ass, you can place the pony in bed on its side A-La-Godfather!

  332. You should totally make the pony the mascot of the unicorn success club and or the double unicorn success club, and then you could hold meetings and it would look twice as awesome because you have a dead pony with a unicorn horn and a monkey rider behind you.

    I do think it needs some badass glasses, though. Bitches love bad ass ponies with glasses.

  333. Omg that Dead Ponty totally screams your name. Besides who else could keep the chicken company?

  334. ‘Pony Danza’ … I just drenched my keyboard with Diet Coke, AGAIN while reading this blog. AWESOME!

  335. Is Victor filing for divorce?

    Cheryl D. recently posted Life Well Lived: Looking Your Best.

  336. This made laugh so hard 3 ( count them 3 ) people moved away from me in the train …and it was the second time I’ve read it…. Thanks for making me being a social embarrassment fun…again

  337. What’s the shipping like on a dead pony?

    Kaitlyn recently posted Change the World.

  338. I find myself pondering how to construct a unicorn horn for Pony Danza.
    though part of the pondering is “hmmm, I’ll have to figure out how big Pony Danza actually IS… ”

    wings too maybe, because, I’ll crochet and put wings on ANYTHING.
    (though I think the oddest winged amigurumi thus far was the winged turtle.)

  339. Okay, I think we need a bunch of costumes for Pony Danza. Clearly a horn. And some wings (I think a pegasus would be a wonderful means of transportation, even if it had to be put on castors and pulled by a leash). And a tie dyed mane/tail wig (Hello! My name is My Little Pony Danza).

    Also, you should maybe hire him out as a prop for the best Christmas cards ever. Or the creepiest. One of those.

    Sarah recently posted Excess Personality Disorder.

  340. OMG I just saw this photo from Comic Con and had to share it with you: http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m7bmrfZf3g1rnak9zo1_500.jpg

    There is only one thing that would make this better. Twine.

  341. You have, by far, the most fabulous assortment of dead critters that I’ve ever seen. It’s truly impressive.

    Bodaciousboomer recently posted 30 years is a loooong time indeed….

  342. You must have the pony. you really must.

    Shiloh Walker recently posted The REUNITED…blurbage!.

  343. Don’t the KNOW who you are?!??!

    Niven recently posted As promised….

  344. they*. Don’t THEY* know who you are…It’s too early for me to be using technology.

    Niven recently posted As promised….

  345. Pony Danza … the one that got a-neigh.

    Yea, I know. I’m leaving.

    Fuzzygalore recently posted Blog Challenge: Girlie Motorcycle Boots and Shoes.

  346. This is the problem with tweeting/blogging about an item which is, clearly, solid gold. Too many people want in on the action now!

  347. Hate to say it, but ‘SHIPPING KILLS THE DEAL’.
    $470 to ship it to USA.

  348. 351
    ali wilcox

    Jason, I was just about to post that: Shipping is more than the current bid on the pony.

    (I figured shipping into the deal. THAT’S HOW MUCH I WANT THIS PONY. ~ Jenny)

  349. How much pony ad can I get for $20?

    mandi recently posted It's better that I wasn't there.

  350. In a related note: Happy birthday, Hunter S. Thompson (1937-2005).

  351. I enjoyed that so much. “Pony Up” had me on the floor.

  352. So, not to make this a more complicated decision, but you could always make an offer on this:

    (Leah, this is so awesome I’m taking down the link so no one can snipe it before I can save up for it. ~ Jenny)

  353. Wrecktacular said -
    Please make a T-shirt that says CLIPCLOP MOTHERFUCKER.

    WELL PLAYED Wrecktacular…well played!

    Lisa Victoria recently posted crochet:: may i have your attention please.

  354. Don’t bid again until like the last 10 seconds so then they can’t bid against you. and bid something odd like 314.27. most people bid with a 0 or 5 at the end.

  355. You know , of course, there is a song, which should now be your love song dedicated to Victor ….. Written in 1909 by Bobby Heath and Charley O’Donnell and the chorus goes like this……

    “Pony Boy, Pony Boy
    Won’t you be my Pony Boy
    Don’t say no
    Here we go
    Off across the plains
    Marry me
    Carry me
    Right away with you
    Giddy up, giddy up, giddy up, whoa!
    My Pony Boy”

    (especially nice when accompanied on a honkytonk piano!)

  356. 359
    newtonsongbird

    All this is making me hear “Dig a Pony” by The Beatles in my head.

    ? “All I want is you…” ?

  357. Looking at that little darling I can’t help but think of “Yippee, kiyo, kiya, Mother Fucker!

  358. 362
    Alexandra

    Clip clop, motherfucker! that’s awesome!! It could be Victor, or it could be some pain in the ass losers trying to screw with you. I can’t imagine there are that many people who will actually pay for a dead pony once the auction ends. And like someone else said, don’t bid now- try to snipe it at the last couple minutes with odd numbered bids. You might get a second chance offer if the winner bags out of paying.

  359. 363
    Alexandra

    Also, I’m dying for the beyonce knock knock motherfucker and Juanita “souffle” magnet or card to be available in your store again. I want them as much as you want Pony Danza. Please?

    (They’re still there. You just have to log in to prove that you’re old enough to look at the profanity. :) ~ Jenny)

  360. If, for some reason, the stars do not align and Pony Danza is snatched up by someone else, I propose the following:

    Get Oprah Whinny on board…

    “YOU get a Pony!…and YOU get a Pony!…And YOU get a Pony!…EVERYONE GETS A PONY!!!”

    Hermione Snarque recently posted Asked & Answered.

  361. 365
    Lisa, not the sister

    Remember the towels, Victor. Remember the towels.

  362. The real question is why are you not buying these? Jeremiah and friends….l.
    http://www.ebay.com/itm/UNIQUE-TAXIDERMIED-BULLFROG-6-MAN-BAND-ACTUAL-BULLFROGS-WITH-INSTRUMENTS-/271015748753?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item3f19cc2491#ht_1187wt_922

    (Truth? I already own three of them. ~Jenny)

  363. Stable investment?!?! HAHAHAHA! PUN!

    LaurenPMS recently posted PMS Adventures #10: Groovy….

  364. Don’t keep bidding now! You’ll just drive up the price. Wait until the last few seconds — it’s called sniping. But you have to bid as much as you are willing to spend. (Um, yes, I used to ebay a lot…)

    StatMom recently posted Be back soon!.

  365. I have to say that I was with Victor up until you said “Al Capony.” I am too Italian for that one to not affect me! Here I am in my Gabriel voice (not that I know what that sounds like).
    Bloggess, you will have a stuffed son and you shall name him Al Capony.

    Nicki recently posted Remember Peeta?.

  366. If I had a blog and $350, I would buy an add, just to keep this saga going. It makes me laugh every time I read it!

  367. This may also be an option – might not take up as much room and make Victor happy!
    http://www.ebay.com/itm/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=160590330472&_trksid=p3286.m1934

  368. Pony X-Press! And then you can put all sorts of animals on him! The Monkey to ride him first, and then a squirrel or small bat…

    You can set up a fence and ringside seating and have all sorts of small, taxidermied animals waiting in line to get on a ride, and have Hamlet von Schnitzel be your ride/ring master.

    Think of all the fun things you could do with it!!

  369. I was literally just thinking about buying a pony. (Except I was looking at one that is, you know, alive. Minor technicality, though.) I said to myself, “hmm, I ought to add that to my bucket list.” Except I don’t have a bucket list. So I decided to waste my life on the internets instead: cue Bloggess. Then one thing led to another, I clicked the Camp Mighty link and found instructions for making a Life List! It’s like the world wants me to have a pony.

    Katy recently posted Elsewhere, part two.

  370. I’m telling you….FUNDRAISER! I need a shirt that sayd “Hold me close, young Pony Danza”. I have to have that shirt. Make it!

  371. Jenny had a little Ram…uh no, tht’s not right…

  372. I was laughing at this really loudly when I heard a voice from the next room. It was my honey saying, “You can’t have a pony.”

  373. I fear the poor pony will just end up as a scratching post/climbing gym for Hunter S Thomcat. Another thumbs up for Epiphanie Bags. My parents gave me one for Christmas last year and it is marvelous.

    Karon recently posted Ready to Perform.

  374. Dear Victor:

    Homeless people ate your wife’s pet duckie when she was A CHILD.

    Let her have the damn stuffed pony.

    Love,
    The Ones Judging You (i.e., EVERYBODY)

    Leslie recently posted UPDATED: I Swear I’m Not Phoning In This Post—I REALLY Am All Dorky-Excited!! Also, Albanian Hackers Must Have Seriously Low Standards..

  375. Just curious… Did your Mom smoke crack while she was pregnant with you Jenny?

  376. If he was slightly more portly, you could call him “Horseon Wells”. Though with panache like his, height/weight proportionality is irrelevant.

  377. 384
    Yogaticha

    Not a pony….but its WEASELS!!!!! http://www.etsy.com/shop/ATangleofWeasels

  378. While you may have missed out on this particular dead pony, there’s obviously some other amazingly awesome stuffed animal (heh) that you’re meant to have.
    Maybe a zebra. Zebras are like ponies with tattoos and mohawks.
    They’re punk ponies.

  379. And I just realized that you haven’t lost the bid yet, so feel free to disregard my previous comment.
    Although I still think a stuffed zebra would be a great idea.

  380. I think you should advertise I love my muff products on the pony. Who doesn’t want to see I love my muff written on a stuffed pony.

    http://potentiallycrapblog.blogspot.co.uk/2012/07/i-love-my-muff.html

    Potentially crap blogger recently posted I love my muff!.

  381. If it doesn’t work out with Pony Danza- you can work on Miss TiggyWinkle…
    http://tophattaxidermy.com/taxidermy-mrs-tiddywinkle.htm

  382. Suggested Monkey Rider name: Spurious George

  383. Remember the all-important rule of eBay: wait until the ABSOLUTE LAST MINUTE to bid — then put your absolute top bid on it. Then no one else has time to outbid you. (Okay, sniping auctions is mean, but if it’s something you absolutely NEED, like a dead pony, I say go for it.)

  384. OMG, Victor! You totally need Pony Danza to go with the rest of your menagerie! Don’t you see the hysterical and ridiculous amazingness that this Pony will bring? Do it for the fans Victor!!! Jenny, you totally need this Pony. I want to pet him.

    Devon recently posted Fire In Ice by Devon Stewart.

  385. Careful…..I have had my suspicions for quite a while now that the d***n bidder (as shown in the bidding history) that is bidding against you and who has only ever made one purchase is actually a shill. They have a 0% positive feedback but yet they seem to show up over and over, here, there and everywhere. I have “let” them win on more than one occasion and every time I get a “second chance offer” because they don’t ever follow through with their bid. And this has happened both on the U.S. site AND the U.K. site. It’s very suspicious.

    I’m just sayin….

  386. And now I can’t get that danged English nursery rhyme out of my head:

    “Ride a cock-horse to Banbury Cross,
    to see a fine lady upon a white horse.
    With rings on her fingers and bells on her toes,
    she shall have music wherever she goes.

    A ring on her finger,
    a bonnet of straw,
    the strangest old woman
    that ever you saw.”

  387. 394
    Puppygirl

    Tell Victor it’s all okay– the seller accepts returns!
    (You just have to pretend that what you got was not exactly as described… dead?!!?? I never ordered a dead pony… that’s ridiculous… what would I do with a DEAD pony???!??)

  388. A pony is well and good but what you REALLY need is a stuffed kangaroo scrotum keyring. It makes your car sound extra ballsy when you start the ignition.

    http://www.ebay.com.au/itm/Kangaroo-Scrotum-Key-Ring-taxidermy-/261069705909?pt=LH_DefaultDomain_0&hash=item3cc8f792b5#ht_861wt_1154

  389. My favourite part is at the end where it says ‘buy more than one and save on shipping’.

  390. I’m surprised you can have so much taxidermy without Ferris eating all of it. I have to wonder if the only thing between me and a collection like yours are my (well fed) cats and their compulsion to eat anything that looks remotely important to me.

    Marcia recently posted Stop-Action - Original Artwork - Acrylic Painting by seriousface.

  391. fun fact.

    I live near to Stockton on tees where this horse is :-)

  392. Have you gone to ebay and searched for taxidermied animals? It scared me that there are over 300 pages of them. And most of them are “used” and not “new”. What constitutes use of a taxidermied animal, thereby rendering it “less than new”? Do we even want to know?

  393. I know I’m totally missing the point, but who ate update 6? I mean dead pony, whatever. But what about six? What happened to one of the ten best digits out there?

    (I think update 6 was that I don’t know how to do math. ~ Jenny)

  394. Too bad, I already envisioned seeing you walk the pony (on casters, with a rope from his halter to your hand) down the street or even to a 4-H Fair.

    Erica recently posted Amy’s Evo12 Recap – Sweet, Inspiring with a Splash of Daredevil.

  395. The Bruce Campbell tag was perfect, I love him. <3

  396. TIL: There is an entire section of eBay dedicated to dead animals. (For non-Redditors, TIL means “today I learned…”)

    Also, I am totally in love with this red Lola bag on Epiphanie! Much more useful than a dead animal, especially since I don’t know if I like the idea of sticking my wallet and keys up a pony’s butt.

    April recently posted Have you ever been wrecked?.

  397. Oh no! I was literally disappointed when I realized you were outbid! :(

    Admittedly, I cheated and scrolled down before I was done reading. :)

  398. Ok, so I’m seeing on Twitter you now have 16 ponies in mind. Which basically means you are now bidding on a Carousel. It would be awesome if you got your own Carousel. We could all wear our red dresses as we ride the taxidermied ponies around and around while Victor-scaring-music plays in the background.

    Judy recently posted And Then My Head Exploded With Joy.

  399. So, due to circumstances beyond my predicting, I’ve decided my office needs Al Capony more than you do. I’m sorry. But I cannot explain how much good it would do here!

  400. If you give a discount to artists, I’d gladly chip in $150. Because I don’t know why, but I want you to have that dead pony. Perhaps because I am a socially awkward plagued-by-panic person myself. Or something. Or- of course – I would like to bask in dead pony karma.

  401. In the middle of the afternoon, I found myself wondering about the status on the taxidermied horse auction … some might be concerned but I thought it was awesome to have such a fun thing to consider.

    Though, I didn’t share the thought with the people in line with me. Because that would be weird.

    Jen @ Bible Belt to Boulder recently posted Letting the scenery and the fun of Boulder speak for themselves.

  402. The best way to get the winning bid on Ebay is to use an AUCTION SNIPE service. There’s lots of sites that do it for free; I like gixen.com. You tell them the item number on ebay and your highest bid. Their program is set up to enter your bid for you in the last 3 seconds of the auction so no one else has time to outbid you or jack up the price while you wait for the auction to end. Works every time. Good luck! :)

  403. Wo, I’m with Jen, duckling army! Those are so cute! I have a duck thing, though, sorry I abandoned you on the pony thing.

    Janika recently posted Is anybody else watching Lost all over again?.

  404. I wanted a Pony all my life and I too beat that dead horsie; first with my parents, then with hubby. The best I got was a Loaner Horse that in reality was my neighbor girls’ but hey when boarded on our 2x acres, if I could see her (da pony that is), she was MINE. Lesson: check fencing. My Little Pony was a LEANER and the grass WAS greener on my side of the fence…

    Diane Donovan recently posted Senior Moments.

  405. Did you know that buying taxidermy could be illegal? Weird, but true. Not surprisingly, there are laws in place to protect endangered species and migratory birds.. but the regulations are pretty intricate and vary from country to country and from state to state. One poor guy got busted for selling a deer head on Kijiji:

    http://forum.kijiji.ca/about6811382-0-asc-0.html

    Not sure if your pony is endangered.. seems a bit unlikely, but really.. who knew?? One thing I found is that antique taxidermy is exempt, but you need to have proof that its over 100 years old.

  406. “I also need an ethically stuffed monkey to ride it. ” Yes, you absolutely do!!

    One day, I’d like to have a monkey butler. Not a dead one, though, a live one. Make that a toilet-trained live one. Nobody wants a monkey butler who flings poo. You know they’re only gonna do it when you have guests over.

    Rebekah recently posted Industrial Spider Web and Hex Nut Earrings Handmade by HardwareHoney Jewelry by HardwareHoney.

  407. Holy crap….Pony Danza! You are awesome and I fully support your need to buy a dead pony even if it’s just for entertaining the lot of us.

  408. 416
    1LMichele

    So so glad I have found this blog! Super funny & witty with a twist o’ messed up.

    Beyonce most definately needs a companion. While Pony Danza is genius I also think Pony Bennett could work for your advertising needs as well. He could croon a song of the advertisers choice or I’m sure some of the talented people here could find the appropriate song to correspond.
    Clip Clop Mofo! LOL

  409. Wow—a stuffed horse. Just what a girl needs! Um…I guess, LOL. You did look at the shipping costs, right? I mean, shipping a 5 foot horse is expensive!

    I can see it now:: Discovery channel special: The Weirdest Items Shipped Overseas — One Dead Horse coming right up next, after this paid advertisement on Mane and Tail shampoo

    hehe. I should advertise my book on it—LINKED–The Prophecy Series Book One — This is what the Evil One will have done if he’s not careful. Yup, that’s it. How much are ads, again?

  410. Did anyone else notice… there is no update # 6???

    Keaven Neely recently posted The Power of Vulnerability.

  411. You’re just….you’re magical.

  412. Dead pony advertising is a stroke of pure marketing genius. I can’t think of a single product or service that doesn’t gain in credibility when pitched on the haunches of a small dead horse. Veterinary services possibly. But even that could work, assuming the copywriting was done tastefully. Victor is dead pony wrong on this one.

    SK

  413. Well, I need to know, did you get the dead pony or not?

  414. I really really wanted you to get the Pony, just for the story of how Victor reacted when he found out you won it and that it would be arriving at his home. Some of the best parts of your stories are when Viktor sighs! Brilliant!

    -The End

  415. 423
    Michelle G

    What can I say, I think you have just out-beyonced yourself. I do believe that Pony Danza and Beyonce will have a love child. I do wish Victor would just see the all the joy and bliss that would come from having Pony Danza around. He just doesn’t get it sometimes. If I wasn’t so broke, I’d buy you 10000 dead ponies, and then you can have a whole village of dead ponies. You have made my day better, and I love you for it, in a totally non-creepy way. Also, I heard you are coming to Toronto!!!! I am so excited!!! Will you sign my book???

  416. Just finished your book, loved it. It was like one of the voices in my head finally got published!

    About the pony, it’s a good thing you got out bid, somethings just not right about that phonypony. Seriously even dead ponies don’t have necks that skinny. Ponies are known for their chubness and this pony is an imposter, you would have not gotten your advertising money’s worth.

    I do however have a live fat pony available, who, per square inch, is an ad man’s dream (I was going to say wet dream but I never use that term except when I fall asleep in the shower which never happens but it did finally rain here last night and I have been on a Madmen marathon so we could string that together if we wanted but I don’t want to anymore).

    The pony’s name is Blue even though he is red. When I asked my daughter at three months what color pony she wanted she clearly said Blluuue and although I searched for a blue pony this was as close as I could get. This may however effect her driving skills since as you know, no one stops for blue traffic lights, unless they are behind you and flashing and then only if you are driving a hybrid because outrunning a cop car is tricky although with a hybrid they might run out of gas sooner. Of course I would be polite and wait for them to pull over and gas up.

    Blue is currently living with a nice family around the corner as my daughter has outgrown him. This is not in anyway saying he does not have advertising space available, it’s just she’s a big girl. I would be willing to sell ad space on her as well.
    We have a few options, 1. You could wait for him to die, have him stuffed, put him on wheels and tow him to texas. But ponies live a long time and he is only 20 something which is around 60 in human terms which means he has a ways to go and I think he’s thinking of remarrying a younger filly so you would have to take both of them and since he is attracted to long legged super model types she would cost more to feed, unless you wait for her to die but she would be much younger and by then you would be well past your pony phase because as everyone knows, we all grow out of it eventually. Except for me, my parents are still waiting on that.

    I apologize for the run on sentences but my mind has been a bit stifeled (sp?) lately at work by a manager that thinks I am incredibly immature and not the least bit funny. Thanks it’s been fun.
    I just realized I only gave you one option. Oh, well you’re creative you can come up with another. Also I have to get ready for work and it takes awhile to quiet myself down.

  417. I have had “Hold Me Closer Tony Danza” stuck in my head ever since I read this post. It’s kind of awesome.

    Emma recently posted Buzzards of Justice.

  418. Didja get it? The suspense is making me all tetchy :P Oh, nope, never mind. That’s just a side effect of my meds. Or it’s just me. Meh.

  419. 427
    Danielle Nelson

    You need to hear the song “Dead Horse Trampoline”!!!! Google it – Justin Roth recorded it!!!!

  420. Who fucking had the balls to outbid you?! We’ll all collectively harass these people to surrender Pony Danza that is rightfully yours. *grabs her flaming torch*

    Melissa recently posted You do plan to have dinosaurs on your dinosaur tour, right?.

  421. 429
    Carpenter

    I may be late to the party on this one, but I think that owning a stuffed pony is step one towards building the scariest/ awesomest Carousel ever. It would take a lot of dead ponies though.

  422. I’m sorry you didn’t get the pony. Can’t wait for the next fun thing you buy!

    Melodie recently posted Shameless Popery vs. The Oatmeal.

  423. How about a sleuth of airborne teddy bears?

    http://www.englishpen.org/bears-for-belarus/

  424. It’s too bad you couldn’t get the dead pony. But you gave me an idea for when my daughters start begging for ponies…I’ll just try to find a taxidermied one of my own. You can get everything on eBay! ;p

    Ashley Ann Eubanks recently posted Journey and Jealousy.

  425. Well obviously you need that pony! Too bad ebay does not have a way to guage how much you actually need something. Like if you were dying and needed a kidney transplant and someone was selling one the person dying should get dibs over the 19 year old kid who just won the lottery and wants to blow and bunch of cash on a kidney because he thinks it would be cool. I bet the other people bidding didnt even understand the possibilities or had even named him yet. And for that matter if you take the time to name the pony that should give you even more priority over the kid dying because he needs a kidney, or pony.

    Nikki recently posted Should these things piss me, or just when I have PMS, or doesn't it matter?.

  426. “That’s the beauty of this pony. IT’S ALREADY DEAD.”
    Great line, baby!

    The Hook recently posted #111: The Most Terrible Invention in Human History….

  427. Oh Jenny. How many times can I tell you I love you? Let me count the ways….. You are just too awesome!

    Becki recently posted A Taut Legal Thriller You May Have Missed The First Time Around.

  428. I am still stuck on “It’s a stable investment.” Best post ever.

    P.S. I had a real pony growing up. You didn’t miss anything. Sometimes I fell off (or just got stuck in the saddle), sometimes she kicked me, and then one day I went to feed her and she’d gone to the big barn in the sky.

  429. Thank you for this magnificent post! Luckily I wasn’t drinking anything when I read it, (and thanks, I was in a very bad mood lol) but this was just great!!! Even my 2 year old came and sat next to me to see why mommy was snorting like a crazy person! Yes, I SNORTED!!! Great story, and congrats on your pegasus!

  430. I hate to be THAT person, but technically that’s not a pony. It’s a miniature horse :) (Yes, there is a difference)

  431. Adding to my previous comment, therefore, you CAN get it, because Victor said you can’t have a pony – not you can’t have a miniature horse. Technically.

  432. So many responses to the pony story! Reading them all makes me a little horse.

  433. A little hoarse

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