Okay, you guys? I’ve been reading these Keep Calm memes for the last 80 billion (internet) years and I just want to scream, “I CAN’T KEEP CALM BECAUSE I HAVE AN ANXIETY DISORDER AND YOU CONTINUALLY TELLING ME TO KEEP CALM IS JUST MAKING IT WORSE AND NOW I’M SCREAMING ON THE INTERNET AND IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT.” Seriously, I’m not responsible for that. But I’ve made a new “Keep Calm” sign designed especially for people like me with extreme anxiety disorders.
You. Are. Welcome.
See. It’s a perfect circle. Or a vicious circle. One of those.
PS. I’m not glorifying drugs but – in my defense – some drugs are pretty damn glorious. Like, have you ever had a morphine drip? Because it’s like being frenched by a unicorn. A unicorn who has morphine-based saliva. But you have to rip your arm off to get it, so I don’t recommend it. Just say no to ripping your own arm off.
PPS. I think we could have won the War on Drugs with that slogan. “Just say no to ripping your own arm off.” Because first of all everyone listens to that advice, and secondly, no one wants to get involved in a class of drugs that ends with you wanting to rip off your own arm. Probably.
PPPS. “I want this on a t-shirt.” I KNOW. Here it is. Double-sided for Mother’s Day. Because it both promotes and discourages drug use at the same time, and that dichotomy acknowledges the complicated and multi-layered nature of motherhood. Plus, you probably need a t-shirt. It’s not always that deep, y’all.
PPPPS. As requested, magnets.