Dead duck at 2am.

At 2am this morning I discovered a dead duck in my room.  If you know me you know this isn’t entirely strange given my penchant for ethically taxidermied animals but this was an unexpected, unclothed duck I didn’t recognize.  The whole thing unfolded on twitter so I thought I’d share it here so you’d know why you should follow me on twitter.  Or why you should unfollow me on twitter.  Depends, I guess:

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And I’m sharing all of this because it should make you feel better about yourself in comparison because if you haven’t realized there was a dead duck in your room for an indefinite period of time you are a far better housekeeper than I am.  You win.

PS. I just called Victor and I was like, “So do you know why there was a dead duck inside my flowers?” and he said, “Fucking what?” which sort of proves that he needs to be following me on twitter too because I had to repeat the whole occurrence and still he was confused.  Join the club, Victor.

UPDATED: It took a week but the mystery of the 2am sudden duck appearance is finally solved: Click here for the rest. #THEDUCKENING

141 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Do NOT ask Victor to follow you on Twitter. My husband finally joined Facebook, and now he is all, “What did you MEAN by that???” Totally not worth it.

    Liked by 9 people

    notquiteold recently posted Apologies.

  2. Well shit…

    And by that I mean please name him Quackers. And then get a mouse named Cheese.

    Liked by 14 people

    Quirky Chrissy recently posted Erratic Ramblings from More Strangers on the Train.

  3. Have you considered the possibility that sick animals are breaking into your home and dying there in the hope of being immortalised by the taxidermist’s art? If I were you I’d check for more unexpected corpses.

    Liked by 15 people

  4. I think the dead duck is a sign that Aflac is about to go belly up, so sell all your Aflac stocks if you got any.

    Liked by 2 people

    jwgoodman recently posted Run The Street.

  5. This just made my whole day. It is grey and gloomy here and someone was just passive aggressive all over me and I don’t care anymore because you had a dead duck at 2am. And the fact that Hailey didn’t think to tell you just MAKES it.

    Liked by 3 people

  6. OMG your life is hilarious! As are the comments of all your Twitter followers.

    Like

  7. Shocking…. that so many people are awake and on Twitter at 2:00 AM. I know what to do if a dead duck appears on my nightstand.🙂

    Like

    susielindau recently posted Dodging Bullets and Creepy Crawlers.

  8. Start knocking over the rest of the vases in your house, because that duckling needs a mother. And a best friend that’s a squid or something would be hilarious.

    Liked by 5 people

    Bookreasons recently posted The Reason To Avoid That Bridge.

  9. “How fleeting are all human passions compared with the massive continuity of ducks.”
    ― Dorothy L. Sayers, Gaudy Night

    Liked by 6 people

  10. You are making my recent release of a kitten into my household look like a sane decision…

    Like

  11. “The Curious Incident of the Dead Duck in the Nighttime”, a story for which, like the Giant Rat of Sumatra, the world is not yet ready.

    Liked by 7 people

  12. Aw, poor duckling. :`(

    Like

  13. I was catching this on Twitter this morning.
    “If you have a dead duck, we’ll all get a dead duck – it’ll be anarchy!”

    I still want to know if it came in the flowers as a decoration, or flew in there on its own…

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Props to Karendipitee…you can never have too many Inigo Montoya references in your life.

    Liked by 4 people

  15. The duck looks all coy and shy, how could you feel threatened? Poor ‘lil duck.

    Like

    Kristin recently posted Spike Jones's Kenzo ad..

  16. Oh thank you, thank you, thank you! That was the first good belly laugh since I found “Gayle” on YouTube. I need to check in more often! It made me think of this song my dad’s friend would song on car trips about a dead opossum in the middle of the road.

    Like

  17. I fucking love your life.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. The duck I get, but what on earth is up with that painting? I could not sleep with a portrait of a bear mauling staring me in the face. I worry about you sometimes.

    (I found it at a flea market. I prefer to think of it less as “mauling” and more as “aggressive hugging”. ~ Jenny)

    Liked by 4 people

  19. Did you check to make sure you found all of your Easter eggs from last year?

    Liked by 4 people

  20. Maybe Rory and Rory 2 brought it in on the Vespa?

    Like

    LadyPamelaRose recently posted Grrrrrrrrr….

  21. one thing is clear: a What the Duck? coffee mug or t-shirt is in order…

    Liked by 10 people

  22. What a fun and scary life feel you lead, thanks!

    Like

    Sin recently posted It may not be pretty.

  23. 23
    Misfit Dreams

    The duckling is a mystery and needs a friend. One can wear rainboots and the other a rainhat. Because that’s what friends do, they share.

    But I am fascinated by the bear hugging the woman. I can’t look away. I can’t decide if her eyes are screaming, “Dear god I’m going to die by mauling!” Or if she’s got “Bow chicks wow wow” music playing in the background and a honey filled picnic for her honey. I need this painting to stare at and love as my own!!

    Liked by 3 people

  24. If 2am is not the time for mysterious dead ducklings, then what would be a good time? 10am? When you’re having your first coffee of the day? 8pm? I like to know these things, in case I decide to send you a dead animal (ethically demised, of course).

    Liked by 1 person

    bookdragonette recently posted Adulting, the film.

  25. So obviously the question is “Who sent you the flowers?”

    Liked by 5 people

  26. This is the best part of my morning

    Like

  27. I also have “Dead skunk in the middle of the road” stuck in my head now.

    Like

    Michelle recently posted Parallel Universes, Nelson Mandela, and The Magic Red Store.

  28. I just pee-laughed at work.

    Thanks a LOT!

    Liked by 1 person

  29. And so..what is the rest of the story…how do we find out how and why it got there…if Victor doesn’t even know….you need to find out…and tell us…and I guess I should have been on Twitter last night…

    Like

    The Hellion recently posted Are You Ashamed Of Your Body?.

  30. What I want to know is how many times did autocorrect change the word “duck” to “fuck” for you?

    Because I’m guessing autocorrect works in the total opposite way for you than it does for some of us.

    Liked by 4 people

    OwnLessDoMore.us recently posted I don’t mean to brag, but a cowboy made a pass at me last night.

  31. Is it wrong that I am trying to read the titles of your books?
    Cute little duckling!! I love Hailey’s acceptance of finding a duckling in your flowers. It wasn’t even worth mentioning until questioned🙂

    Like

  32. So, who gave you those flowers?!

    Like

  33. Omg I’m sitting at work reading this trying not to laugh and failing miserably. My question is were did u get the flowers I was a florists and I don’t remember ever putting dead ducks in my flowers. This however was probably the best thing I ever read!!!!!

    (They’re fake flowers and I’ve had them for years. So weird. ~ Jenny)

    Like

  34. Brings whole new meaning to being a “lucky duck”. It is, indeed, a lucky duckling, to have found a place in the afterlife which is, no doubt, safer than the existence it suffered in its short life on this earth.

    I mean, it couldn’t have been more than a couple of weeks old before the undoubtedly horrifying cause of its death. It has clearly been watching you sleep for quite some time. I’m sure that’s more interesting than learning to swim!

    Like

  35. Poor sad dead baby duck. He just wanted to cuddle.

    Like

    Rhubarb Swank recently posted How To Torture An Oreo.

  36. No one has ever sent me flowers with a dead duckling in them before. I am sad. All new low for me. But someone gave me a book of monsters, so we can call it even.

    I appreciate Hailey’s resignation to the notion that her mother has dead things.

    Liked by 1 person

    becomingcliche recently posted Surviving Depression.

  37. I NEED the pattern for that amazing cross-stitch!!! Scratch that. We ALL need the pattern for that cross-stitch. Now that I know it exists, I’m incomplete without it, Jenny! Don’t leave me hanging ♥️

    Like

  38. “How fleeting are all human passions compared with the massive continuity of ducks.”
    ― Dorothy L. Sayers, Gaudy Night

    “The Massive Continuity of Ducks” shall be the title of my next book.

    Liked by 1 person

  39. I would love for Hailey to have twitter if only to relay these same exact stories from her point of view. Like “mom was asking me about dead ducks as I ate my froot loops this morning so…”

    Liked by 2 people

  40. LOL.. you have a painting of Julianne and the bear, of course.

    Like

  41. See, this is exactly why I can’t do Twitter – I would be sleeping when all the excitement occurred every time. And then I’d wake up to chaos and confusion, and that would throw my whole day off. Better for you to recap on your blog at 9 am, so I’m fully capable of comprehending what’s happened while I was asleep.

    Like

  42. Dang it! Was up at 2am but not on Twitter and missed this whole saga. Duck needs a name, and maybe a small circle of salt around his feet. At least he’s not lurking in the flowers anymore, waiting to strike.

    Like

  43. 43
    sweetbutnutty

    This is the only time in my life I figure I want to figure out twit. I have a desperate need to know about 2am dead ducks magically escaping the forest of flowers and trying to pretend it’s all shy and cute so you let down your defenses. Nefarious and tricky…I shall name it Loki.

    Like

  44. The bigger question is: WHERE CAN I BUY THE PATTERN of RORY on your night stand?????

    (I think it might be one of a kind. It was a gift. But maybe the girl who made it will read this and share. ~ Jenny)

    Liked by 1 person

  45. This could so happen to me except in my case it would be alive and I would wake to my2 dogs either barking because they were terrified or wanting to play.

    Like

  46. Thx for the laughs this morning!!!

    Like

  47. My boys brought baby pheasants into the house one time. They got loose.
    You’d be AMAZED where you will find dead baby pheasants…
    I guess this might be different.

    Liked by 1 person

  48. 48
    Mikki Blueyes

    I’m so sad I missed out making a hilarious twitter comment somewhere in this. I feel like I missed out on a great party somewhere. But then I’d have to think one up, and then I’d be up all night, and then I’d feel more hungover at work today than I actually do, even though I didn’t drink… ugh these sober morning hangovers at work really suck. I’m done adulting. Can I just go back to bed now? Yay long weekend coming up! Thanks for the morning laughs!!

    Like

  49. The Duckening. Love it

    Like

  50. 50
    Lifeofaf_ckingunicorn

    Get with the program Victor! LOL!Thanks for sharing Bloggess!

    Like

  51. Your housekeeping is fine as long as you don’t find dead humans.

    Like

    Elyse recently posted National Dog Day.

  52. Much detective work would have to be followed if I found a dead duck on my nightstand. I would simply have to get to the bottom of it.

    Like

    Half a 1000 Miles recently posted What’s Your Pot Roast?.

  53. Stuff it if it wasn’t already. Dress it in a cute outfit- how about a vintage airplane pilot leather helmet, jacket and goggles

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    Like

  54. This is better (and cuter) than what I was thinking in my head. I pictured a dead mallard, bloody, flying through the window. Now that’s some fire-and-brimstone SHIT!

    Like

    BipolarOnFire recently posted Coloring Keeps Away The Crazy.

  55. That flower arrangement does not look like a duck hideout. Seems like a shifty duckling.

    Like

  56. […] taxidermied animals but this was an unexpected, unclothed duck I didn’t recognize. The … Continue reading → […]

    Like

  57. And here was me thinking it was a threat by your local neighborhood murderous swans. Kinda a like, “See what we do to babies who annoy us? Guess what we’re going to do to YOU? Muahahaha!” 🐥

    Like

  58. Seconding the “Don’t add SO to Twitter.” It never ends well. Never.

    Like

    Dory recently posted Um, HELLO! McFly, you in there?!?!.

  59. I always find so much to think about in your posts. Is there blood running down the woman’s arm in in rivulets in the painting’s from where the bear paw is hugging her?

    Like

  60. 61
    Laurie Stoker

    I have two live ducks. Would you like to have them?

    Like

  61. I love how the duck being unclothed is necessary to say while simultaneously deepening the mystery.

    Like

  62. So sorry I missed all this! It’s even better than the time Ken found a deer jaw bone in our backyard! (Still haven’t solved that one–general consensus is that a vulture must have been carrying it in its claws on its way to Vultureland and accidentally dropped it).

    Like

    mydangblog recently posted My Week 100: Don’t Blame the Weatherman, Titus Can’t Catch.

  63. You know you can buy holy water online right? http://www.directfromlourdes.com/

    Like

  64. I have never had any desire to have a twitter account until now.

    Like

  65. How polite! It taxidermied itself before moving in – unlike an asshole mouse that moved in to my house. The cat chased it and lost it and 4 weeks later my bedroom was infested with huge blue/black flies. THAT mouse wasn’t polite at all! You must have stellar karma. :o)

    Like

    Mrs. Completely recently posted Let’s Have Coffee! You Won’t Believe What Just Happened!.

  66. Call your dad. He may have a little secret!

    Like

  67. This gives me life today. Thank you for that.

    Like

  68. 69
    ocularnervosa

    To me, the best part of this story is Hailey knocked over some flowers, a dead duck fell out and she didn’t think twice about it, didn’t even consider it something worth mentioning.

    Like

  69. I was expecting a full-sized, adult duck. Am now saddened by the baby duck. He’s hella cute, though, so of course you’re keeping him.

    HE FLEW ALL THIS WAY JUST TO SEE YOU!!!

    Like

    actualconversationswithmyhusband recently posted He Knows… Coffins.

  70. That is the cleanest nightstand I have ever seen. Why is there no dust on it?

    Like

  71. Oh Victor, try to keep up.

    Like

    Manicmom recently posted We’re Mostly Perfect For Each Other.

  72. That is a seriously cute dead duck. I think the tooth fairy did leave him.

    Like

  73. WTD? My apologies for thinking the bear picture was a street artist portrait of you and Victor. You not being the huggy bear…

    Like

  74. Love Twitter but had to stop because unfortunately I have a job that requires me to not be tweeting all day. One time my mom woke up at 2 AM because a bat flew in her hair. She was never the same after that.

    Like

    Kelly's Cancer Beat Down Blog recently posted There’s a Bump On My Coconut Dammit.

  75. i’m still confused… so, he’s (choosing a sex for the sake of this sentence, cause i hate the idea of calling a living (or once living) creature “it”)) not stuffed but simply passed away without decomposing? I’m sad if he wondered in and passed away, but confused too.

    Like

  76. [Steady bass guitar rhythm begins.]
    Speaking: Somewhere in a Texas bedroom The Bloggess is starting to feel like housecleaning has turned its back on her. It’s 2AM.
    Singing:
    It’s 2AM, Victor’s gone,
    She’s sittin’ there starin’,
    Twitter is on.
    She’s got so many animals she’s lost track of them all.
    Yeah there’s a duck on the loose,
    Quacking on my stand,
    Wrapped up in feathers,
    Pecking at my hand.
    Cannot be sure. How have the cats not noticed?
    Help I’m steppin’ into the duckling nest,
    Too much has happened
    For me to get an easy rest.
    My chicken’s been lost
    And there are candles in my hair.
    How can I sleep
    When I don’t know what’s there?
    And you are gonna freak
    When the stuffing hits the beak.

    This probably just makes things worse and to make it even more disturbing this is not the first time I’ve written parody lyrics to Golden Earring’s “Twilight Zone” based on someone else’s blog post. What is wrong with me?

    Liked by 1 person

    Christopher recently posted No Escaping Destiny..

  77. A spider fell out of my calendar last night. You win.

    Like

  78. OK, that duck had to have been taxidermied at some point, because if it hadn’t been, there’s no way in hell that it would look as good as it does, assuming that it’s been hiding in your vase for any length of time beyond about 6 hours or so at all, which still leads to the question of how the hell it got into a vase of flowers in the first place. (Also, are you sure it was at some point in time an actual live duck, or is it just a really good fake duck? I could kinda almost see someone making something like that for crafting/home decor… Finally, should you ever decide you feel like being extremely generous to a fine cultural institution, check out the Museum of Bad Art–I suspect they’d be the perfect home for that painting on your nightstand, and no, I’m not kidding, they actually do exist and really do collect and display art, although they don’t take just any old piece of “WTF is THAT supposed to be?!?” that ends up at their doorstep. Give me a holler the next time you’re in the Boston area, and I’ll take you through the Somerville Theatre branch if you’d like, OK?

    Like

  79. Christopher: You’re a freaking genius, and that’s what’s wrong?🙂 (You really don’t want to know the stuff we were all setting to various Nine Inch Nails songs back in the day on alt.music.nin, but hey, at least we all–and by “all” I mean everyone on the newsgroup and Trent, too, who was apparently a frequent lurker–had a seriously sick and twisted good time.)

    Like

  80. Dude. Whoever sent those flowers must love the shit out of you. If you bought them for yourself? Still counts.

    Like

    Rory recently posted Why Are Manic Episodes So Chaotic?.

  81. I’m not sure if I should say holy crap or holy quack. If I saw a dead duck on my nightstand my soul would leave my body.

    Like

    Taylor recently posted Can you talk like your butthole is being tickled with a feather?.

  82. 83
    Leslie McDaniel

    Maybe the duck needs a friend…. Slittens! Part Sloth, Part Kitten http://www.sadanduseless.com/2016/09/slittens/#more-39408

    Like

  83. The duck is so cute that I’d be thrilled to find it on my nightstand. The painting, however…beautiful, but OMG BEAR!!! Not sure I could sleep with that nearby.

    Like

  84. So…Um…Did you solve the mystery? Where did it come from? Seriously, I need to know now.

    Like

    Shari recently posted Writers Block?.

  85. One time, I found a live baby possum in my bathroom drawer. (I can prove it, too. I have a photo. I just don’t know how to post it here.)

    Liked by 1 person

  86. Hailey knocked over the vase, a dead duckling fell out, she presumably posed it upright just so on your nightstand, didn’t tell you about it, and you’re worried how to parent the situation effectively. There’s got to be more to the story. Or a family of ducks living near wherever the flowers came from.

    Not to be cheeky but you did give me a much needed laugh.

    Like

  87. Someone who loves you snuck into your room a lonnnnng time ago, planted the duck, and has been waiting ever since for you to notice.

    Like

  88. WAITAMINUTE I was thinking that Victor had sent you flowers when he headed off on a business trip and put the duckling in there as an extra joke.
    Kind of creepy if the florist did that on her own.

    Like

  89. Is it possible that you bought it for yourself, and forgot about it? You know, like the cobra.😉

    Like

  90. Just spotted your response that you’ve had those fake flowers for years….so next thought: have you had a visit from a prankster recently?

    Like

  91. Definitely don’t let him follow you. I agree with a lot of commenters above, it rarely ends well and almost always ends with, WELL WHAT DID YOU MEAN BY THAT?? YOU DID WHAT?? YOU ARE NEVER ALLOWED TO PLAY WITH (_____) AGAIN. NO YOU CAN’T STEAL A TRUCK FULL OF FIREMEN, I DON’T CARE THAT YOU “FOUND” THEM. FINDERS KEEPERS DOES NOT APPLY.

    Like

    Cassie recently posted cards against humanity and why walmart sucks.

  92. 93
    XStacy Design

    My sympathies…awakened by a very live munchkin kitten this morning (loosely called that at 3:30am) but damn if he doesn’t make a fine pot of decaf:)

    Like

  93. 94
    A Small Abnormality

    A plant…

    Like

  94. What a cute dead duckling. Hopefully, it was ethically prepared so you can keep him/her in your bedroom.

    Like

    Gary Lum recently posted Slowly roasted lamb shoulder on the last weekend of winter.

  95. One of my friends found a dead hooker under her bed during a bachelorette party in Vegas. She was not stuffed, it was not cute, she did not live Tweet the event.
    Honestly, I much prefer your story.

    Like

    bekahrigby recently posted I Lost Jesus In An Abandoned Grocery Store....

  96. In other news…NYT: The Bride and Groom Are Kittens. At Death They Did Not Part.
    The show “Taxidermy: Art, Science & Immortality” at the Morbid Anatomy Museum in Brooklyn offers a cat tableau by the Victorian Walter Potter. [http://tinyurl.com/hecxhye]

    Like

  97. And I only ever wake up to random dead mice in the center of my living room. I don’t know if it’s the dog or the cat that brings them in – but only in the middle of the night – and leaves their bloody little corpses in the exact center of my living room. Regardless, I’d prefer a dead ducky.

    Like

    Lisa recently posted I slept all weekend to avoid fighting.

  98. Shake the flowers! What if there’s more?!?

    Like

  99. So, I think demons prefer to take on snakes and vicious spider bodies. Dead ducks are just so yesterday, you know? You’re safe:).

    Like

    candidkay recently posted “Hey Mom, you forgot something”.

  100. 102
    Safety_third

    Autopsy that duck.

    Like

  101. Is Ambien the sleeping pill that causes people to shop in their sleep for flowers and dead ducks? That conversation is the only thing that makes me a little sad to not be awake at 2am.

    Like

    kstewand4cats recently posted Dumb ass.

  102. My cat brought a live one in once😦

    Like

  103. 105
    Barbara Kennedy

    Oh, Jenny, I an so jealous. All I ever find is a few dead spiders and the occasional ant. Obviously not putting out the right bait.

    Like

  104. Um… It’s better than those scary clowns.

    Like

  105. http://www.nytimes.com/2016/09/02/arts/design/cats-taxidermy-morbid-anatomy-museum-brooklyn.html

    Just thought you would appreciate this and didn’t know how to get it to you besides here.

    Like

  106. That string of tweets was beyond awesome, but @snarkyhumanist wins, because that last one was a PERFECT capper.

    Like

  107. I can’t believe I’m the first person to say this, but it’s not dead; it’s just restin’. Beautiful plumage, innit?

    Liked by 2 people

  108. My husband not so subtley implied that I am as bad a housekeeper as you are. I said there’s no dead ducks in our bedroom. He replied that he couldn’t be sure that there wasn’t. He can be such a bastard sometimes.

    Like

  109. […] Then theres this, from my favourite person (just ahead of Ducky) Dead duck at 2am. | The Bloggess […]

    Like

  110. I have no known ducks in my house. However, I am currently being besieged by a plague of flies. Apparently, if a mouse (I hope) dies in your wall it will bring on the plagues of Egypt rather quickly. The current variation begins with the first plague: mice in the laundry room (or large, loud spiders). This was followed swiftly by the plague of horrible stench. So far we are on plate number three: enormous flies swarming the laundry room, sunroom, and kitchen. They are slowly migrating throughout the house.

    I think I would rather have ducks.

    Liked by 1 person

  111. You found a random dead duckling on your dresser and I was dive bombed by a beetle today the size of your dead duckling before a group interview. Nature is one crazy lady this week! WTF Nature…W…T…F…..?

    Like

  112. 114
    Lady Macbeth

    So the moral of the story is that you should have awakened Hailey to asked about the dead duck by the flower vase, proving perhaps that children always know more than their parents, no matter the circumstances.

    Like

  113. Oh how I needed this after reading about the flat Earthers.No, I’m not sure why I torment myself like that either. Thsnks, Jenny. You always make things better.

    Like

  114. That duck IS the terror that flaps in the night.

    Like

    Elizabeth recently posted 10 Things I Need to Make this Fall.

  115. I’m pretty sure if my son knocked a dead duck out of my flowers, he would hunt me down immediately to demand WTF was going on. But your daughter just… propped him up all cute like and went about her day without even mentioning it? huh.

    Like

  116. … i would have woken my kid up to ask… then again how did it get in the flowers?!

    Like

  117. You’ve seen the article below, yes? I hope you have a chance to travel to Brooklyn to see the works of your spiritual forefathers.
    The Bride and Groom Are Kittens. At Death They Did Not Part.
    http://www.nytimes.com/2016/09/02/arts/design/cats-taxidermy-morbid-anatomy-museum-brooklyn.html

    Like

  118. I wish there was a way to reply to other people’s comments (if there is, I can’t see it), but this is to MZ at 112, as I have a fly-swarm remedy for him or her. We were swarmed by flies once like a freakin’ biblical plague and I googled them to ID them–if your swarm consists of a slow-moving, big type of fly, they are a blow-fly. Ours were specifically earth worm-attacking blow flies so we were in no danger that they’d bite us (blow flies are VERY specific about what they’re willing to eat, apparently.) Get a canister vacuum cleaner and take off whatever tool you have on the end so you are holding just the tube with a big, sucking maw and put some kind of dust in the bag if it’s a fresh bag without the dust from housecleaning already in it; baby powder would be good. You need something dusty in the bag to clog their ability to breath to kill them, because you are going to vacuum them up, right out of the air. My swarm loved to congregate and swarm at windows, so it was easy to just suck them right into the vacuum cleaner. They don’t even try to escape.

    Like

  119. “This seems like a premature use of the word ‘solved’.” Is my favorite thing on the whole internet today. Good job, internet.

    Like

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  120. 122
    Bigtimemamma

    Is it taxidermied? A dying/recently deceased duck would have had a distinct aroma once. It is right next to your bed! Just saying

    Like

  121. Creepy as fuck duck, yes, but… can we please discuss the framed Rory/Beyonce art to its right?

    (And by “discuss,” I mean “Add it to your Zazzle shop so I can buy many of them and distribute them to friends as needed?”)

    Like

    Smug Singleton recently posted I could totally sit with you..

  122. You had better start keeping a machete under the pillow. This might just be the start of the Duckling Apocalypse!

    Like

  123. The fact that there was a dead duck in your flowers isn’t nearly as surprising as it probably should be.

    Like

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  124. So where did the duck come from????

    Inquiring minds need to know.

    Like

    mommatrek recently posted Are you FREAKING kidding me, Slate?.

  125. I happen to like your bear picture, he’s just hugging you (her) and forgot to trim his nails. So… is the duck dead and decomposing, mummified from sitting in a vase of flowers in the hot texas air, stuffed, or taxidermist. Inquiring minds WANT to know. Love ya

    Like

  126. 128
    veganbeachbody

    The duck is a little creepy, in a cute way. Kind of like Eleven in Stranger Things. Even creepier is the fact that someone stuck the duck in the vase expecting that you would find it. I hypothesize that Victor and Hailey have teamed up to mess with you.

    Like

  127. Check the duckling VERY closely… I saw this in a movie once… Oh wait – that was a falcon. Never mind.

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  128. Marvelous story.
    Your nightstand is SO much cleaner and better looking than mine. I could probably fashion a duck from the dust bunnies…
    I have that waterlily lamp! I love it; it’s one of the first things I ever got at Costco. Now they just have mattresses and luggage in that section. sigh

    Like

  129. Well, that’s not something you read about everyday. I imagine Duckling and Rory will become firm friends, less convinced about a positive relationship between it and the cats/Dorothy Barker though …

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    RachaelDewhurst recently posted The magic authors can conjure up..

  130. I woke up today in a “what’s the point?” kind of mood. A few hours into my day, I read this, laughed, realized it doesn’t matter and I should just do my best to enjoy the day. thank you.

    Like

  131. At least you get cute dead animals. I get every sick animal on our block wandering onto my property and THEN dying! Just my house. Just mine. The neighbors are started to make comments.

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  132. My best guess – you bought the duck and vase of flowers at the same time and stuck the duck in the vase for convenience and then completely forgot. Happens to me all the time.
    Meow meow meow

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  133. This whole situation was entirely hilarious! At first I thought it was going to be a duck you find floating in the middle of a pond and I was like, “HOW DOES THAT GET THERE WITHOUT SOMEONE NOTICING?!” Lol!

    Like

  134. Wait, so you STILL don’t know where the duck came from?? Now I’m worried. It’s like he was the patrol scout in your flowers and once he was discovered he didn’t want to give up his buddies that are outside the house waiting for the signal to attack.
    Also, I may just make a twitter account for the sole purpose of following you.

    Like

  135. 137
    Michelle Davis

    if you have victor follow you on twitter, you will no longer be able to tweet about him without him coming into your office asking why the hell you keep talking about him on twitter where all of your followers can read about how he never understands you.

    Like

  136. 138
    Tired Mother of Twins

    My money is on your father. Perhaps he leaves a small taxidermist present hidden in your house every time he visits….

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  137. […] first? Click here to read about the mystery dead duck I found at 2am in my bedroom last week.  Because last night we solved the mystery.  And live-tweeted a crafting night that will […]

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  138. If I was ever going to join Twitter, it would be to follow you! This is HYSTERICAL!

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  139. If you are interested in topic: earn online without investment ZOOM – you
    should read about Bucksflooder first

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