Dead Duck Mystery SOLVED

Okay, first? Click here to read about the mystery dead duck I found at 2am in my bedroom last week.  Because last night we solved the mystery.  And live-tweeted a crafting night that will not soon be forgotten.  This is why twitter exists:

screen-shot-2016-09-07-at-3-00-33-pm

screen-shot-2016-09-07-at-3-01-01-pm

screen-shot-2016-09-07-at-3-01-23-pm

screen-shot-2016-09-07-at-3-01-40-pm

screen-shot-2016-09-07-at-3-01-56-pm

screen-shot-2016-09-07-at-3-02-11-pm

screen-shot-2016-09-07-at-3-02-27-pm

screen-shot-2016-09-07-at-3-02-50-pm

screen-shot-2016-09-07-at-3-03-17-pm

screen-shot-2016-09-07-at-3-03-34-pm

screen-shot-2016-09-07-at-3-03-56-pm

screen-shot-2016-09-07-at-3-04-16-pm

So here’s what I’m thinking: Last year when I was on book tour I’d always come home with a suitcase full of long-dead gifted taxidermy and crocheted penises and haunted dolls and severed limbs and sometimes when I’m unpacking I don’t always have the energy to find a good place for these things and that’s why sometimes Victor opens a drawer and finds a unicorn horn or a bag of raccoon penises, but I suspect when I was unpacking all the drawers were full so I probably tucked the duckling in the fake flowers on my nightstand until I could find a safe place for her and then forgot she was there for a year until she fell out.

It’s anticlimactic, but so is life.

Maybe “anticlimactic” isn’t the right word.  I’m not a good judge of these things.

169 replies. read them below or add one

  1. So basically Twitter solved your problem/mystery. I bet Twitter solves a lot of problems/mysteries. Conclusion: We should all Twitter more.

    Liked by 4 people

    Quirky Chrissy recently posted OMG what is she wearing? She’s just asking for it..

  2. My favorite pic in this post is the one with Hunter S. SO NOT paying attention to the shenanigans taking place on the counter next to him. That cat has seen some weird shit. Love Her Duckness.

    Liked by 6 people

  3. 3
    g2-abd4f8635c0fbe6a4e9175f7e0474a1e

    Like

  4. All the props to “Beaky with the good hair”!

    Liked by 7 people

    Half a 1000 Miles recently posted Relationship Compatibility Question in a Jar.

  5. You make me consider setting up a Twitter account. Then I think, I already waste too much time online when I should be doing other things. Then again, it would give me something to do while sitting in car rider line waiting for my kids after school to keep me from killing the stupid people.😀

    Liked by 2 people

  6. BWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    I think I might type out all the twitter statements in different fonts and make a collage to frame and hang. All the exchanges are hysterical!

    Liked by 4 people

  7. That was a highly enjoyable evening of mystery-duck-goat-pube-hot-glue action. Words one never expects to write together unless one is a devotee of The Bloggess. I look forward to your next mystery dead animal craft night. Can we call it Crafting with The Bloggess: The Re-Duckening?

    Liked by 3 people

  8. That is the most adorable dead duck I’ve ever seen! Like a Beatrix Potter duck, only without the chatter.

    Liked by 1 person

    mydangblog recently posted My Week 101: In The Club, Calling 911.

  9. I so love you and I really should stop reading your blog at work, though if I get fired it would be worth it…

    Liked by 2 people

  10. Lmao

    Like

  11. If Twitter existed over 100 years ago, there would be no Sherlock. I wonder what Cumberbatch would be doing instead…

    Liked by 2 people

  12. Thank you for recapping your Twitter adventures for me!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. I love that your autocorrect lets you typo dick instead of duck.

    You know it’s the opposite for the rest of us, right?

    And yes, I just used typo as a verb. Figured this was a safe enough place for it.

    Liked by 6 people

    OwnLessDoMore.us recently posted I don’t mean to brag, but a cowboy made a pass at me last night.

  14. Oh, I just laughed so hard I hurt myself. Marie Ducktoinette, what a ride! Thank you all.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. This post made my day. My coworkers thought I was dying as I laugh-coughed through it (getting over a cold). But it was totally worth it!

    Liked by 2 people

  16. I might’ve cackled out loud at a few places during the reading of this. Fortunately, my daughter is semi-used to this by now, being a long-time bystander to this behavior.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I’ve had a shitty week, very stressful. Reading this made me laugh out loud a lot! Thanks. I’m taking Furiously Happy with me on my trip tomorrow.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Thanks so much for this. Today is my birthday and I feel the universe has been conspiring to cause me to have the WORST BIRTHDAY EVER. This made me laugh which I needed.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. After reading that series, I have come away with: dead duck, pubic goat hair, anticlimactic. Sounds like a blind date I once had.

    Liked by 4 people

    Andrea G recently posted I Stopped Pulling Weeds and Let Life Grow.

  20. BTW, they don’t brand sheep… they get tagged and spray-painted.

    Like

  21. Twitter is Magical! It’s problem solving, spirit lifting & often like medicine without having to swallow a pill! Love you guys!

    Liked by 1 person

  22. If “anticlimactic” is how you spell “hilarious and genius” then that’s totally the word you were looking for.

    Best 18th C duckling ever.

    Liked by 3 people

  23. I would say I’ll sleep better after the solving of this mystery, but I’m pretty sure I’m actually going to have nightmares. I’m traveling this weekend. I sincerely hope I don’t come across arms or other dead things in my suitcase. Actually, you know I’m just saying that because I know I won’t, and I’m trying not to build up my hopes.

    Liked by 2 people

    becomingcliche recently posted Uh-oh!.

  24. 24
    Patty Morrissey

    First time I laughed this hard at your shenanigans was when the bitey rattlesnake went missing.

    Like

  25. I was there yesterday. It was magical. But like in a really fucked up way. Stil magical though

    Liked by 2 people

    Mila recently posted Labor Day Weekend – all you need is IKEA drill.

  26. we’re driving from Texas to Florida. stopped in BFE, Louisiana for a potty break, and now I’m cackling reading this.

    thank you, thank you, never change.

    Like

  27. I am so thankful for having you now, Jenny, in this age of social internet. Had you been born a hundred years ago, they would have locked you up and we never would have been able to enjoy your Pure Genius! Love you!!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  28. This has been extremely amusing and educational. However, I did for some reason immediately think “man, I wish I’d had my kids like that”. Like someone used my uterus as a safe place (man, bad judgment there DH) and I forgot about them for 9 months and they fell out. Also…why would butt or pubic hair automatically be less desirable?

    Like

  29. That’s it, I’m moving in with you. You lead a much more exciting life than I do. Bonus, I can bring loads of all kinds of craft type things, I can cook, I can bring my big kid who trained as a pastry chef and I promise not to question any home decor choices.

    Liked by 1 person

    Kara recently posted Timeless – First Look (Sneak Peek).

  30. So many good tweets there. Good to know the dead duck mystery is solved. I think when I retire I want a House of Taxidermy.

    Liked by 1 person

    Gary Lum recently posted 3 highlights from this week plus a whole heap of other stuff.

  31. The best part of this is that MadreLoca didn’t just give you a taxidermied duckling but a complete adventure full of discovering and then crafting with Mallard Antoinette! LOVE it!

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Okay…awesome…mystery solved

    Like

  33. Maybe Twitter is god.

    Liked by 1 person

    Michelle recently posted Kicking And Screaming Down Mortality Hill.

  34. The glue stick is the dick. Or maybe the microwave.

    Liked by 1 person

    Elyse recently posted Blowin’ in the Wind.

  35. I am legit curious what a bag of raccoon penises looks like. Well, I mean, I’m guessing the bag is just a regular bag. Unless there’s a special raccoon penis bag fashion line. And if there is, then, obviously, I want to see that, too. My original point was that I want to know what a bunch of detached raccoon penises looks like. Like, are they little? Are they striped? Do they look like little bank robber penises? I know. This makes me creepy. But you know what? Not as creepy as the person who owns the specially-crafted bag of raccoon penises. So, yeah, I win? I think? I have no fucking clue anymore.

    Liked by 4 people

    bekahrigby recently posted I Found A Plastic Eggplant On The Highway (So, Yeah, This Is A Post About Penises)....

  36. That was hands down the best dead duck gets a wig with a ship on it that I’ve ever read in all my life. This should be a children’s book. Except without all the dead and face stabbing. You know what? Never mind.

    Liked by 2 people

  37. As always, these exchanges and re-tellings affirm my love for The Bloggesss tribe.

    Liked by 2 people

  38. Woke up and found this! My favourite way to wake ever. Thanks everyone🙂

    Like

  39. I would like to announce that I am bookmarking this for down days because it is my favorite thing EVER and I just bought my first house. Sort of. I got a mortgage, at least. I won’t close until next month. I might print this and frame it somewhere. What kind of printer best prints out pictures of dead ducks wearing ships on top of goat (maybe pubic) hair? Because quality is important.

    Liked by 1 person

  40. OMG! I read the tweets last night, but it’s so much better uninterrupted. I’m so glad you all are my friends. I’ll be laughing for no reason for the rest of the day.

    Liked by 1 person

  41. In the future, whenever somebody asks me why I’m on Twitter, I’ll just send them a link to this post.

    Liked by 2 people

  42. Quack, quack, motherfucker.

    Liked by 5 people

  43. Thank you!!! for the most fun I have had all day!! Those quotes, both in and out of context have made my day! I needed that. My co-workers think I’m even crazier than they already did. But it was worth it.

    (Did this make anyone else curious as to what Hot Goat Hair smells like? No, just me. Ok)

    Liked by 2 people

  44. My kid has surgery yesterday and although he’s home now, he’s being a big baby. I mean, holding his neck, being crabby, etc. I literally bought him a puppy to make him feel better and now I’m trying to get him to do homework before I send him back to school and I have to go back to work. I’m going to get a duck tomorrow on my lunch break. May or may not be dead and I blame you, Bloggess. I needed this laugh!

    Liked by 1 person

  45. I thought that duck looked familiar. I sat behind her and her family at Vroman’s. She’s lookin’ good. I like her new alter-ego: Marie Quacktoinette.

    See how boring your life would be if Hailey never knocked shit over? Your daughter deserves Kudos (and maybe a little bonus in her allowance this week) for setting this one in motion!

    Liked by 2 people

  46. Oh you crack me up! Thanks for the laugh! I’ve had one of those days!

    Liked by 1 person

    Lisa Orchard recently posted A Case of Paronychia: A Slice of Life Post.

  47. Okay. Maybe it is the English teacher in me, but I don’t think you would call the wig a “goat wig,” as it was crafted for a duck. Therefore and heretofore (I have no idea what I’m saying now), the tweet with the wig glued to your finger is factually inaccurate. Love all of it, too.

    Liked by 1 person

  48. Thank you Jenny and friends. Best laugh in a long time. ❤️

    Like

  49. I’m currently dealing with accepting my dog’s cancer prognosis (not good), and this entire post made me smile and laugh when I didn’t believe I could. Thank you.

    Liked by 2 people

  50. That duck-in-wig is the best thing that happened to me all day. I don’t know if that says more about you or about my day…

    Liked by 1 person

    hazelhillboro recently posted Support Group a la Hazel.

  51. OMG I’m in tears!!! LMAO!! I was having such a down day, and then THIS. Freakin’ awesome (you and your awesome little duck)😀

    Liked by 2 people

  52. I’m most impressed by the fact that you had a duckling-sized toy ship lying around. Because you never know when you’ll need one…My luck, I’d have a robin-sized toy ship and that would be ALL WRONG…

    Liked by 3 people

  53. I can totally see how you could forget about your pube-goat-hair-wigged duck. I’ve stuck lots of stuff somewhere and forgotten. Clothing, liquor, phones, keys, food, glasses, friends, cars, gas caps, bills, tickets, receipts, a child once (and she was found totally fine btw).

    Liked by 1 person

  54. Like so many, I read this all on Twitter last night and laughed my as s off. I didn’t think it could get any better. I was wrong. @theologies for the win.

    Liked by 2 people

  55. This post wins all of the everything.

    Liked by 2 people

  56. I want to see you and April whatever her last name is but she does cartoon voices and ran the weird shit on Etsy blog for a long time. I would pay actual money to see you two hang out and do “crafts” and humourous non-sense.

    Liked by 1 person

  57. Furiously happy with this post! See what I did there?

    Liked by 1 person

  58. Ah, The Mystery of the Dead Duckling in the Nighttime, solved at last. By the way, what do the airline inspection people say when you pass through inspection with bags of dead things, fake nipples, and other oddments? Just wondering…

    Liked by 2 people

  59. 59
    XStacy Design

    Thank you for my salvation today!! Just in time…

    Like

  60. I have nothing clever to say. Yay for solving the mystery though!

    Like

  61. I am laughing so loud right now…i’m still at work though so all the loud is on the inside and it’s a little painful…thank you for you!

    Liked by 1 person

  62. I don’t laugh out loud when I’m by myself, especially when I feel so sick like I do now, but this made me laugh so hard that I scared the cats and tears ran down my…legs.

    Liked by 2 people

  63. I have a novelty Ghostbusters mint tin that I keep forgetting I’ve been using to store dead beetles. These things happen.

    Like

  64. Well, this was all fantastic. This whole thread was hilarious. Also, I’m glad the mystery is solved.

    Like

    Shari recently posted Writers Block?.

  65. Jumping Jehoshaphat!

    Liked by 1 person

  66. Um….. Quack I guess.
    I’m tired that’s all I have.

    Like

    Dann Alexander recently posted September Solitudes and Labour Day.

  67. Good question about airlines and dead animals.

    Like

  68. I was having a terrible day, and this cheered me right up!

    Like

  69. 69
    Hieronymus Agricola

    You’ve probably already seen it, but:

    (I hope that works.)

    Liked by 2 people

  70. I’m pretty sure hand sewing goat wigs onto dead ducks is what thimbles were made for.

    Liked by 2 people

    Jillian recently posted I'm inclined to agree with Lady on the Train #3..

  71. My day is ruined because I missed this live.

    On the other hand, my day is saved by reading it now.

    So confused.

    Liked by 2 people

    actualconversationswithmyhusband recently posted Go the Fuck to Sleep.

  72. As the owner of many goats on Quirky Goat Farm, I can testify that goats do NOT have long pubic hair. That looks like Angora goat hair. From the body of the goat, not the pudenda.

    Like

  73. Anticlimaxes are NOT funny. This? This is hilarious.

    Like

  74. My fave part was whoever said they can brand sheep because they aren’t made of goats. Literal snort.

    Liked by 1 person

  75. Omg you NEED to have a dressed dead animal fashion show so we can see all of your animals and outfits. You can call it Ducks and Designs or Taxidermy and Tiaras

    Liked by 3 people

  76. Omg, I’ve been really ill for basically a year and FINALLY got diagnosed with MS through MRI brain lesions whilst I wore a Hannibal Lecter mask. I read your books, I swear I love all of your adventures and mishaps. Your blog always puts a smile on my face and I literally can’t wait for the new coloring book and your other new book coming out. Thank you for cheering me up through this really shitty year!! You are GREAT!

    Liked by 1 person

  77. I swear to gawd, you and your tribe are made of more awesome than an entire bouquet of dead duck mysteries, with or without Marie’s pubic hair ship wigs. I LOVE YOU PEOPLE.

    Liked by 1 person

  78. 78
    Christina @reconnectsreiki

    Ah man, now I’m double-annoyed that my tonsils & I were at war last year: I missed your Vromans booktour-stop AND the gifting of this elegant duckling by proxy.😦

    Like

  79. Well. This is absolutely the most excitement I’ve had in months! So sorry that I missed it live! omg I’m still laughing LOL

    Like

    Lisa recently posted I slept all weekend to avoid fighting.

  80. I saw the duck on the wig and immediately thought, “It’s the Quacken!”

    Liked by 2 people

  81. OMG!! THANK YOU, THANK YOU, E V E R Y O N E !,

    Like

  82. I probably should not mention this, but as a birder and a proud member of the Facebook Bird Misidentification Page, never ever try to learn about duck sex or duck penises. You will not be able to look at a duck again without cringing.

    Liked by 2 people

  83. It NEVER occurred to me that you were wondering whether the hair was from a goat’s pubes. I’m a sick, sad person.

    Like

    Chuck Baudelaire recently posted Back Off, Drunkards of Twitter.

  84. This is your best blog since you told the airport employee to have a nice trip too. It should come with a warning to not read at work or in public.

    Like

  85. OMG I can’t breathe! Love you all!

    Like

  86. In the past I’ve said “I don’t get twitter,” and “I have no interest in twitter” and “why would I waste my time on twitter?” Just read this post. I take it all back. Signing up for a twitter account now.

    Like

  87. I was so unhappy and then I saw this, thank you Jenny!

    Like

  88. best post ever! I think I peed a little from laughing. Glad you found out where the dead duck came from🙂

    Like

  89. I raise angora goats, and that is definitely mohair, which comes from angora goats. The best way to use mohair as hair for a wig is to use a felting needle.

    If you want one, let me know, I’ll mail you one. Along with some mo mohair.

    Like

  90. And again, you’ve improved the world.

    Like

  91. “How do they brand sheep and not have them go up in a flaming poof?” This is even funnier if you know the British definition of “poof”.

    Liked by 1 person

  92. Thank you Karen for the duck penis warning. Of course I googled it and now will not sleep for many hours.

    Liked by 2 people

  93. I don’t have a fingerprint on my left index finger due to an ugly glue gun accident. which is exactly why The Viking won’t let me have a blow torch or a flame thrower. Apparently I need supervision.

    Like

    Mrs. Completely recently posted Spayed and Betrayed! Yes, There’s Coffee.

  94. I so love y’all! Crappy day all fixed, just like the duck’s pubic hair wig!

    Like

  95. Has no one noticed that, with this awesome wig, the duck now looks like Donald Trump?

    Like

  96. I really really really needed that good long, laugh-til-I-cry read. Thank you, Jenny! You’re awesomesauce as always!

    Like

  97. I clearly don’t tweet enough. Been avoiding because I keep getting push notifications highlighting Trump”s tweets and I don’t care.
    Now if these notices read along the lines of @thebloggess glues goat hair to fingers. Includes pictures, I’d have dropped everything else.

    Like

  98. Oh my god, Beaky with the good hair just made me snort laugh. My 21 year-old does not appreciate this post, but I do. So, so much.

    Like

  99. BEST. POST. EVER. Now I wish i was on twitter. Mallard Antoinette, awesome! Let them eat breadcrumbs! Vive la reine des canards!

    Liked by 1 person

  100. That was a pretty amazing journey! Thank you for sharing.

    Like

  101. 101
    Unfinished Muse

    I want to know why, out of ALL of this the only thing that showed up on my Twitter feed was basically – don’t microwave glue sticks. I’m a teacher. I figured that one out a long time ago and I thought – thank you for the useful reminder – how did she know Chicago was so hot it was basically melting all of our crayons and glue sticks and making life miserable in my non-airconditioned school? The children may even be turning into melted water glue sticks instead of becoming Twitter educated… but I had no knowledge AT ALL of dead ducks, goat pubes, or cool craft nights. Thank goodness for the blog bc Twitter clearly hates me and wants me to remain ignorant!

    I still appreciate the reminder on glue sticks, though…and crayons…and pencils…and children… they all melt. I saw it today in my various classrooms.

    Like

  102. 102
    Chrissy Rudd

    Thank you so much, I needed that laugh! That’s about how all my crafting/domestic skills go down!!!

    Like

  103. I learned about animal anatomy, crafts, AND history – it’s like a Discovery program brought to life…thanks for a very entertaining series

    Like

  104. Simply awesome thread of tweets…nuff said.

    Like

  105. So….. Should I not bring you a gift on your next tour?

    Like

    wandlesswanderer recently posted Wandering Fake Stars.

  106. Okay, this is sooo not an anti-climax! Learning that celebs are just like us, in that they too forget to unpack after trips and have overful drawers, while also learning that at your house they are full of crocheted penises, severed limbs and other tributes lovingly bestowed by our weird tribe is the best.

    How strange is this horrible year so that the saga of the rediscovered dead duck and it’s goat hair Marie Antoinette wig is the sanest things I’ve read on the internet today?

    Like

  107. I probably shouldn’t chime in here, but I raise goats. I can tell you all about their pubic hair, and more. Like wayyyyy more. My husband would roll his eyes here – he hates in when I talk about that stuff, especially when I explain to people how I castrate them. The goats, not the husbands, I mean.

    Liked by 1 person

    Corina recently posted Harvest!.

  108. Absolutely fucking hilarious! I love being in your world, Jenny!

    Like

  109. I lost it at “Beaky with the good hair.” Also, how are all of you so damn clever? It would take me hours to come up with quips as perfect as these.

    Like

  110. You ROCK!!!

    Like

  111. 111
    ocularnervosa

    And here I was hoping Angela Lansbury would show up.

    Like

  112. 112
    Yamima Osher

    Dear Bloggess,

    Nobody in this world can make me laugh the way you do. It must be love. Yes, yes – I LOVE YOU! Keep up the great work and remember that those of us “out here in the dark” love you to hell and back (even when you feel lost in the dark yourself).

    Liked by 1 person

  113. It’s entirely too warm over here and I should clean and get to therapy later, but I am glad I made my stop here. Your blog is hands-down becoming my favourite place to come and laugh my head off.

    Quack, quack, motherducker.

    Like

    bookdragonette recently posted <em>SPN</em> 6×01-6×04.

  114. I am disturbed that when you thought you were holding goat pubes,(how do you spell pubs?) you were not wearing gloves. EWWW

    Like

  115. It was essential I read to the end. I am still not sure why people give you dead animals, but I’m sure I’ll catch up. I was a little worried about why you had it in the first place. The real bonus at the end was when you referred to ducky as ‘her’. Is it only the wig that has her calling it her, or do you know something the pictures don’t reveal?

    Like

  116. I love a good mystery.
    And, now, ducks with gluey, wig/hair/people finger problems…

    Like

  117. I’m so glad you posted this! I followed the whole thing on Twitter – both the finding of the duck and the miraculous #CRAFTNIGHTBITCHES but was still left with questions:
    How did the duck get home unbeknownst to you?
    What did Hailey tipping over the flowers have to do with it?

    Your summary paragraph at the end has relieved my troubled mind.

    Like

  118. You should totally offer these in your shop! Now I want one. Sans facial piercings, of course.

    Like

    chiefj42 recently posted Misdiagnosis or the Interconnected Nature of Everything. Being Married to a Shrink..

  119. I might have to join Twitter just to follow you. I needed this laugh so so much. I love what you did with the duckling. Inspired.

    Like

  120. You’d THINK that goat/sheep p ubes would be less desirable, wouldn’t you? Nope. Urea is a very good mordant (chemical that makes dye bind to fibers) for wool/hair, so the urine stained wool/hair from that part of the critter has actually been sought after through the ages because it comes off the animal ready to dye. The more you know…

    Like

    lokispeaks recently posted Norns’ Nighties–Another Package.

  121. Marie Ducktoinette is feeling a bit peckish. She demands cake now.

    Like

    LadyPamelaRose recently posted Grrrrrrrrr….

  122. […] the mystery. And live-tweeted a crafting night that will not soon be forgotten. This is why … Continue reading → […]

    Like

  123. Once again I am laughing my ass off at work. THANK YOU! Here I thought I was nuts making a Santa hat for a Smart Car. Nope – you can duckwalk this one. Next time try a craft glue.

    Like

  124. I love how NO ONE wonders why you have goat pubic hair in your craft room at the ready for …whatever occasion may arise requiring a poof of goat pubic hair.

    Like

    Jess @ NoPithyPhrase recently posted I'm Not Even That Caffeinated Today..

  125. This was SO good! Really good – excellent really.
    And “Beaky with the good hair” totally WINS the internet. I spit out my water. Hooray for dead duck crafts!

    Like

  126. This is simply amazing. Best thing on the interwebs all week.

    Like

  127. I love your blog! I just wanted to let you know that we featured you in a list of 100 best Humor blogs. You can find our article at the following link:

    http://healthymomsmagazine.net/2016/09/100-best-humor-blogs.html

    We would appreciate it if you shared this with your readers, followers and fans.

    Like

  128. OK, I guess I am the only one who is curious as to why a vase of fake flowers is a good storage location for a dead duck.

    Liked by 1 person

  129. Mystery Dead Ducks and Crafts. It’s like one of those mystery dinner theater things. Except when this mystery gets solved (or not, the mystery is not the important part here), you get to take home a goat-ship-headed Marie Antoinette, sans life.

    Like

  130. Does this make Beaky a dumb blonde dead duckling?

    Like

  131. Must start hanging out on Twitter more. Sorry I missed this.

    Like

    Jen recently posted I’m Just Making a Sandwich.

  132. Mix a little fabric softener with warm water, then wrap or rap it around a toothpick and let it dry overnight or use your blow dryer.

    Like

  133. Omg I’ve been sick as a dog for days not being able to move but this just made my whole life better. Thanks

    Like

  134. Perhaps Jenny HAS found her destiny in creating historically themed taxidemied animals. Would there be a market for this? Hell ya! Right in TheBloggess’ Shop.
    Go to Ireland to see the butt-spray-painted sheep!

    Like

  135. Really, we can all be total dicks sometimes. We’re just all trying to be ducks instead? With wigs? Ok the metaphor is falling apart.

    Like

    Wolf of Words recently posted Media Update 9/8/2016.

  136. That is fantastic! I once dressed my chicken up as Marie Antoinette for a 4-H costume contest, only my chicken was alive and chicken heads cannot support a wig no matter how hard you try. Also live chickens will peck the hell out of you. It was a truly epic chicken wig too. Such a heartbreaking childhood experience.

    Like

  137. 137
    Steve the Fan

    1) I hope my friend Hazel has already read this, otherwise the message I’ve just sent her will confuse the hell out of her: ‘Was just reading about ducks and goats’ pubic hair and it reminded me – do you still have my craft shop loyalty card?’
    2) Matthew Hall – As I got to the final picture, I was totally thinking ‘Mallard Antoinette’. If I’d seen all this live on twitter, I would hate you for beating me to it. As it is, thank you for being there!
    3) How about a T-shirt with a picture of Mallard and the caption ‘DID YOU GIVE ME THIS DUCK?’

    Like

  138. You know how they send Earth stuff out into space, like music and literature to show the aliens all about us? This post needs to be on the next shipment.

    Liked by 1 person

  139. Well all I can say is thank God for Twitter….:)

    Like

    The Hellion recently posted “Workin’ For A Livin”.

  140. I make my bf read your posts so that he knows what he’s getting into in the future. So far I’m just trying to find a monocle for a bobcat…

    Like

  141. Ooh, I happen to own a tiny, tiny flatiron!!! I bought it in one of the many, many gifte shoppes you find in Colonial Williamsburg (not complaining, the gifte shoppes were among my favorite parts of the tours.) Let me know if you wanna borrow it for future dead duck wigs.

    He’s not so much pinin’ for the fjords as telling the masses to eat cake if they have no bread, I guess.

    Like

  142. I’m laughing so hard! I might pee my pants!!

    Like

    sjhebig recently posted Just Be You, Or So I’m Told..

  143. I have been having a shitty, shitty day, Jenny. This makes it SO much better. Thank you.🙂

    Like

    mommatrek recently posted This is why I can’t lose weight.

  144. It’s probably just me, but every time I see the full duck photos, I think, where the hell are that duck’s shoes!?

    Like

  145. Dang that duck photographs much better than me

    Like

    deliriouspancake recently posted I’m back from the dead.

  146. Wait…I said quack! Let them eat quack!’

    Like

  147. No, no, no Dory. This totally should be a children’s book, face stabbing and all.

    (And reading this at 4:00 a.m. while trying to laugh quietly enough to not wake my house guest was really hard.)

    Like

  148. Best thing I’ve read all week – I love it!

    Like

  149. I am so happy I there the night the duckening was set in motion!!!!!

    Like

  150. So this made me laugh til I literally cried. After a day confined to my room with migraine/postdrome, this injection of silliness was a real spirit lift🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  151. OMG I am DYING. I almost woke up the kids, from laughing. I also have bronchitis, so my laugh sounds like a 10 pack a day smoker with COPD and lung cancer.

    I freakin’ love you Jenny. I’m also jealous that my neighbor across the street knows you personally.

    Like

  152. This, right here, is reason enough for me to finally get a Twitter account.

    Like

  153. Okay, THIS is EXACTLY why I refuse to get Twitter! I would NEVER get any work done! Sitting and reading all of this… ROTFL!!!

    Like

  154. I didn’t know I wanted a Twitter account till this. Well done!

    Like

  155. I just laughed my way through the entire post : )

    Like

  156. This just made my day at work and made me wish I understood twitter. Where did you get a tiny ship?

    Like

  157. Thank You for brightening my day. Is is weird that this brightened my day?
    Oh well. .. Who cares I laughed til I cried. Thanks again.

    Like

  158. Holy crap. After reading this, I wanted to comment that you need to write a book. Then I remembered that you already have written two hilarious and genuine books. Now I am wondering what I would do without your blog in my life, haha.

    Anyways, it’s good to know that the dead duck mystery has been solved!

    Like

    Taylor recently posted What is the first thing you would do if your oven caught fire?.

  159. This right here is why I love the internet. It brings people together in times of crisis. And this has so much crisis. And crowdsourced real solutions. WE COULD RUN THE WORLD

    When I super-glue, I usually end up stuck to the bottle. I should really start with that part, because efficiency.

    Like

    KatieComeBack recently posted Searching for Butterflies.

  160. My friend just linked me to this (well, to the first dead-duck post). This is the first time I’ve been introducted to The Bloggess, and I have to say, what an introduction!! Wow. This is hilarious. I can’t believe this is someone’s life!! Such an interesting adventure.

    Like

  161. Am I the only one who is baffled that you have miniature tall ships just lying around the house waiting to become 18th century duck wig enhancements? Or does one just accept the availability of such things as part of the Bloggess universe?

    Like

  162. I’m so sad I missed this live twitter chaos.

    Like

    Bronnie recently posted “Art washes away from the soul the dust of everyday life.” Pablo Picasso.

  163. this might be my favorite post of all time. Ever.

    Like

  164. The Bloggess and Twitter is my second favourite combination.
    Soz – had to put you second because bread and butter is life xo

    Like

    Amy | Toothbrush travels recently posted The Art Of Slowing Down.

  165. You people (yes, all of you know who you are) are so damn amazing and I really needed the laugh from this post!! It’s been a rough September and I finally got my chance to catch up with TheBloggess…who has the best Tribe ever! Thanks everyone for being you.

    Like

  166. Of course, I just googled “Marie Antoinette dick” and was not disappointed.

    Like

  167. A friend of mine found the rest of Ms. Antoinette’s flock. In a place called the Bone Room. Hanging out with a saber toothed cat.

    Like

  168. OMG. I am reading this while on a bus filled with 4 th grade students (who are watching Alvin and the chipmunks- most annoying choice possible) on our way to Sacramento for a field trip. I had to put sunglasses on to cover the tears of silent laughter rolling down my cheeks

    Like

1 trackbacks

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s