I might be overthinking this.

I was just at the drug store and as I was leaving the cashier said, “Thanks. I hope you find your destiny.”  And I didn’t know how to respond because it’s a nice thought but if it’s your destiny you can’t not find it.  That’s how destiny works.  So maybe the nicer thing to say would be, “I hope you find your destiny to be rewarding and full of cheese and puppies or whatever it is you’re personally into“?  That’s probably too long but it still seems preferable to the “Have a nice day” sign-off because that’s always seemed sort of bossy.  You can’t tell me what kind of a day to have.  I’ll have whatever kind of day my destiny has in store for me.  OMG FULL CIRCLE.

Then I tried to explain all of this to Victor and he was like, “STOP TEXTING ME.”  But I can’t, Victor.   Because destiny.

Long story short:  None of this is my fault.

PS. I don’t have a picture for this so I’m going to share this photo of Hunter S. Thomcat:

screen-shot-2016-09-06-at-1-18-44-pm

I’ve been trying to teach him tricks to burn off a little fluff but he refused because Dorothy Barker was lapping him and people were all “You can’t teach a cat tricks because they refuse to look stupid” and I was like, don’t underestimate my cat, y’all.

screen-shot-2016-09-06-at-1-16-39-pm

And then people were like, “You taught your cat to eat cat food?  That’s not a trick.  That’s how cats survive.” But you just couldn’t see in the photos that Hunter was totally standing up for the treats. So he’s building up his core.

screen-shot-2016-09-06-at-1-16-15-pm

He’s looking thinner already.  Thinner and ridiculous.

PPS.  Those are his knees.  Not his balls.  It’s weird I have to clarify that.

 

152 replies. read them below or add one

  1. Maybe they meant “desitin.” That stuff for baby butts.

    Liked by 9 people

  2. Ok, I totally knew those were his knees. Cat knees. Also, cats don’t normally eat food from human fingers. I found this out at the vet once, so technically that IS a trick. And getting him to stand up is totally a trick, so he actually knows two. So there!

    Liked by 8 people

  3. I love that your cat has knees🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. At my fast food place they always say “have a bless-ed” day “bless-ed” not “blessed”. And now I no longer remember which way is right.

    Liked by 3 people

    Half a 1000 Miles recently posted Relationship Compatibility Question in a Jar.

  5. 5
    Jenni (aka Sassypants)

    He’ll be super model thin in no time!

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I read “I hope you find your destiny” in a very sarcastic tone. Like, clearly he’s not living his (have you ever worked retail? Soul-sucking) but hey, that’s fine lady. You go ahead and find your destiny.

    That’s probably just because I had a really annoying waitress at lunch, though. Yay, Hunter! Lookin’ good!

    Liked by 1 person

    actualconversationswithmyhusband recently posted We’re All A Little Lost, Sometimes.

  7. I love that on this crappy day, both because of the refrigerator dying and too many choices, and more importantly, being worried about one of our cats – actually two, but one we know what’s wrong thanks to several great vets, that you made me do that unexpected not quite silent wheezy laugh noise. Actually Hunter did. But now I’m getting teary thinking of our cats, so will look at the photo again. Laugh through blurred eyes.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Okay, so I totally call this last pose “meerkatting” when one of my cats does it. In fact, I yell it out every time I catch him so the neighbors will think either I’m crazy or they’ll think I’m hoarding meerkats. Frankly, it’s a win either way.

    Liked by 6 people

    lifevivified recently posted If That’s Not Love, Then I Don’t Know What Is.

  9. I would much rather be sent off with a destiny related wish than ‘Stay hydrated’ which seems to be a new way of saying bye here in California. I am not sure how this started but suspect it may be related to the drought.

    Liked by 3 people

  10. I’m going to start using that phrase, except I’m going to say it ominously. My retirement plan is to be a creepy old crone who offers mysterious advice, so it’s just practice, really.

    Liked by 10 people

    Amber de Pixie (@PixiesPocket) recently posted Kudzu Flower & Muscadine Wine.

  11. Hunter has a better core than I do. I have been outcored by a cat.

    Liked by 4 people

  12. I frequently post pictures of my cat and I too have to put in a footnote disclaiming that those are his knees and not his balls. I’ve become so accustomed to doing it that I didn’t even realize it was weird until you mentioned it and then I was like “oh yea… that is kind of weird now that I read it from someone else.”
    I also just spelt “put” as “poot”. I need a fucking nap.

    Liked by 3 people

  13. Didn’t you know cats are happier and healthier if they’re treated like they’re in a skinner box?

    (Not actual headline, but the Gizmodo story has a cute picture of a cat working for her kibble):

    http://gizmodo.com/cats-are-happier-and-healthier-when-you-make-them-work-1786057743

    PPS: I would expect your readers to wonder about the size of Hunter’s balls. They know you.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Meh. Just put the litter box behind him and wait for the problem to sort itself out…

    Like

    Jason Black recently posted Practical Plotting.

  15. At the checkout line, I said “Oh I don’t need a bag, thanks.”
    “Thank you for your honesty,” came the reply.
    I wasn’t sure what to say. So I said, “what?”
    Thank you for your honesty.”
    “sure.” tried not to visibly eyeroll or sound sarcastic. Though, I think they saw my mind do it nonetheless.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. I was so concerned with sharing that story I forgot my original comment.

    A clerk saying, “I hope you find your destiny” would be the perfect opening to a Philip K. Dick short story.

    Not nearly as interesting as Hunter’s balls, but more literary.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. 17
    fruitcakewriter

    I’m glad to see that you encourage exercise, but don’t fat-shame your cat. Perhaps you should compliment the cat on his fluffy, adorable knees. (Make sure you are looking at his knees and not his balls while doing this.)

    Liked by 2 people

  18. When cashiers say, “have a good day” I say, “Thanks and thanks for being part of it!”

    Liked by 2 people

  19. Maybe she meant DENSITY.

    Liked by 5 people

  20. We had a cat once that would fetch. And one that would fling toothpicks across the room, which was stupid but sort of impressive.

    Liked by 2 people

    Janet Coburn recently posted My Love Affair With Amber.

  21. Big hairy balls. (I’m ignoring your clarification, it’s my destiny)

    Liked by 2 people

    Brian recently posted Won’t tell me no lies, make me a happy man.

  22. 22
    ocularnervosa

    All I can think is “we’re all destined to die so was the cashier nicely saying Drop Dead?” But that’s just me.

    Liked by 2 people

  23. What kind of a remark is that? “I hope you find your destiny” I am sure some people wouldn’t even know what the hell that meant…LOL…anyway..I love the way Hunter S Tomcat is sitting..do you call him by his full name or does he have a nickname..that would be too long for me when I had to call him for some reason…

    (We call him “Hunts” quite a bit. Or HST. ~ Jenny)

    Liked by 1 person

    The Hellion recently posted LOOK FOR THE GOOD!.

  24. I had a cat who would sit on his actual cat butt with his tail sticking out between his legs! It was hilarious!

    Liked by 2 people

    withlovecare recently posted My Fur-babies.

  25. All I can now think of is a lost Destiny’s Child CD that you may or may not have lost and somehow the cashier knew you lost (or are going to lose) it.

    Liked by 2 people

  26. His balls would likely be on the other side. Unless he’s really learned a cool trick.

    Liked by 2 people

    Elyse recently posted Blowin’ in the Wind.

  27. My wife was an English major, and taught me the wonders of the Oxford English Dictionary. Telling someone to have a “nice” day, can be a wonderful insidious insult. Original meaning “A foolish or simple person; a fool.” http://www.oed.com/view/Entry/126731?rskey=gHhgLA&result=1#eid

    Liked by 1 person

  28. My destiny is avoiding me. On purpose. What a shit I have for a destiny.

    Liked by 1 person

    notquiteold recently posted Opinionated.

  29. I adore you! You make me laugh and, sometimes cry. Mostly when you are feeling bad. I hope you have less bad feelings in your life. We all love you. And Hunter has it nailed!

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Aw man, I hate it when you drop your destiny in the store and you don’t realize it until you’ve gotten home. And then you haul your ass back to the store and you check all the aisles, but you can’t find your destiny anywhere, so you have to ask the employees about it, and they’re like, “Nope, nobody’s turned in any destinies recently,” so you go home and maybe hyperventilate a little and then phone up the destiny company to have them cancel your destiny and issue a new one, and just as you finally get through to a rep there’s a knock at the door and it’s friggin’ opportunity and you’re like, “OMG opportunity, can you just NOT right now? I’m in the middle of a phone call.”

    Liked by 4 people

  31. Cats CAN learn tricks. Mine will sit, shake, spin, and give kisses. Only if treats are involved, otherwise he does not listen to humans for any reason whatsoever, tyvm.

    Liked by 2 people

  32. Me too am sick of “have a nice day” !!! I just flash em the peace sign and hope they read about the 60’s. Finding your destiny is not “a given”. Many reincarnations may (& probably will) be required. I bet the Destiny Wishers are glad they didn’t run into me.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. Go to this website.
    https://www.horseloverz.com/pet-supplies/cats/toys/feather-dangler-cat-wand?utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&scid=scplp14936746&sc_intid=200-371555&gclid=COeE1Ku0-84CFUgbaQodql8Mfw
    This is the only cat toy I can get my cat to play with as well as not destroy! It gets him lots of exercise.

    Liked by 1 person

  34. I think you should make a card with “Hope you find your destiny” with a pic of your cat doing its trick under it. I would totally love that card!

    Liked by 1 person

  35. OMG. You know what Hunter S. Thomcat needs?

    Lederhosen.

    Someone wizard that cat a teensy pair of lederhosen to show off those knees.

    Liked by 3 people

    OwnLessDoMore.us recently posted I don’t mean to brag, but a cowboy made a pass at me last night.

  36. HUNTER’S FACE in that last picture, OMG. He’s like “uhhhhh…what do you MEAN, those aren’t my balls?!” Poor Hunter.

    Liked by 2 people

    Rhubarb Swank recently posted pterodactyls stormed the field.

  37. love the pictures.

    Liked by 1 person

  38. I think my destiny is hiding with my motivation.

    Liked by 2 people

    Michelle recently posted Kicking And Screaming Down Mortality Hill.

  39. Stop body shaming your cat. It’s his destiny to train you to give him more treats.😉

    Liked by 1 person

  40. I make my lazy cat Guchi stand up for treats. All she does is sleep in one of two spots all day and all night. She needs SOME kind of exercise. lol.

    Liked by 1 person

  41. One: At least she didn’t say “Off you Fuck!” Funnier but probably not the best for Customer Service.
    Two: Hunter S. Thomcat looks more dignified in a ‘Butler’ sort of way and less ridiculous.
    Three: At least Hunter let’s you take pictures of him. My Cat sees my phone and Off she Fucks!

    Liked by 1 person

    Mrs. Completely recently posted Spayed and Betrayed! Yes, There’s Coffee.

  42. When I was a cashier I was doing good to not say “here’s your change, get out of my store”.

    Liked by 1 person

  43. I hope my destiny is full of good coffee, eggs Benedict, rig eye steak, endless yum cha and Queensland nut ice cream with salted caramel topping!

    Liked by 1 person

    Gary Lum recently posted 3 highlights from this week plus a whole heap of other stuff.

  44. Obviously, Destiny is the name of your next taxidermied friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    Wolf of Words recently posted Running Away With The Circus.

  45. Weird to think that your explaining Hunter’s anatomy is part of your destiny. Bet the cashier had no idea…

    Liked by 1 person

    Manicmom recently posted Can Cyndi Lauper be my spirit animal?.

  46. Best incentive for training cats is delicious food! I use tiny bits of tuna on the end of a spoon, packed in water because lower calories.

    Liked by 1 person

  47. I hope you find your destiny’s child CD, because that was my jam back I the day.

    Liked by 1 person

  48. We have the three laziest cats in the known universe – one of them we suspect eats elsewhere during the day too. We bought a collar with “DON’T FEED ME” written on it, and he very quickly disposed of it (I imagine it’s hanging on a secret rack somewhere with all the other collars we have bought them over the years).

    Liked by 1 person

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  49. “I hope you find your destiny” is the sort of comment that would initially make me feel really happy and well-wished, but then later make me wonder if it’s some kind of curse. After all, one’s destiny is not necessarily positive. Now I think I might start saying it, just to see if other people would get as unsettled as I would. Yes, I am mean that way.

    Also, Hunter looks so. Darn. Serious. His body language screams “this is not a trick! I am a god! An upright God!!”

    Right. I’m in a strange mood today.

    Liked by 1 person

  50. Ha ha! You’re blogs are great!

    P.S. Love the cat photos!

    Liked by 1 person

    girlwiththeglasses2 recently posted Glasses..

  51. Those may be knees. I thought they were cankles. Whatever. HST is just right in my book.

    Liked by 1 person

  52. lol what an odd thing for a cashier to say. Yay cat pictures! I want to snuggle hunter s tomcat ^_^

    Liked by 1 person

  53. Perhaps the cat is training you. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  54. Aw, poor ol’ HST, gettin’ all stuck up in the bannister and shit. Bummer, dude. While you have a point, I like that the cashier is trying to mix it up a little.😉

    Liked by 1 person

  55. Our cat is 19 years old. When he was younger he would roll over or stand up on his hind legs to get a puffy Cheeto. He loves puffy Cheetos. Our friend had a cat who would fall over dead when shot with a finger gun. Cats can totally be trained. You just have to find the right incentive and be very patient.

    Liked by 1 person

  56. I saw an article today for stress balls that look like men’s balls and suction cup to the underside of your desk. I really couldn’t see the therapeutic value, but they looked like plain rubber. Maybe if they were furry like cat’s knees they would work better.
    http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/world-news/stress-balls-under-your-desk-8770233

    Liked by 1 person

  57. My daughter named our cat (who looks like HST) Kairi after some anime character, but I call her Fat Ass. Because she is. And she looks at me when I say it….so she knows….LOL

    Liked by 1 person

  58. 58
    Karyn Doherty

    My husband trained my cat ( Snapdragon Rosey-Nose Beloved) to sit up like that. Fine Italian hams were involved. God I miss that cat…..

    Liked by 1 person

  59. We taught our cat to sit, and he actually got the hang of it faster than the dog did. The only thing is he will ONLY sit if it is meal time. If you’re not about to feed him, he just looks at you like “what for?”.

    Liked by 1 person

  60. Once upon a long time ago I had a friend who named his cat Mr. F.B., which stood for Mr. Furry Balls. Thinking about it now, he was kind of ahead of his time because Mr. F.B. could have stood for Mr. Facebook. Except that Facebook hadn’t been invented yet. It was the 80’s. OMG I think my age just caught up with my memories! I need a glass of wine.

    Liked by 1 person

    Mona recently posted Breaking: Attention spans last 8 seconds – about the same amount of time it takes you to read this title.

  61. Your cat actually EATS cat food? Now that’s a good trick right there. Mine just gives me dirty looks when I tell her to eat her cat food when it’s like, 5 minutes old. Or else she eats it and then conveniently hurls it back up on my bed.

    Liked by 1 person

  62. Carl taught Dennis, the cat
    To jump to a fine Chinese mat
    When the cat heard the cue
    He obligingly flew
    But the mat slipped
    And Dennis went splat.

    Written for my brother and his cat who did several interesting tricks.
    My cats know to pull on a string with jingle bells by the back door what they want to go outside. That was a terrible trick to teach them because invariably they use it at 3:30am. And if I don’t respond fast enough they ring them very loudly.

    Liked by 1 person

  63. I don’t know I side with the cashier. I think if ur a total douche canoe you could possibly miss a great destiny. That whole free will making good life choices thing my mom would always bug me about. Also I work retail and when I’m working with a real a-hole I say “have a super sparkly day” in the most sweetly high pitched voice I can create. The customers love it and it annoys the fu** out of my coworker. I’m evil what can I say.

    Liked by 1 person

  64. Hunter is Outstanding in his Field.

    Liked by 1 person

  65. I don’t have anything really funny or meaningful to add. Just here to say hi and I hope you’re having a good brain day. Hi! Oh, I left the house and went to FIVE PLACES today. I’m exhausted but I have a book club meeting tonight. Ok, now I’m done.

    Liked by 1 person

  66. Ha ha! Thanks for the clarification. Maybe the clerk was a Puritan and she was just hoping you were one of the “selected” ones.

    Liked by 1 person

    Andrea G recently posted I Stopped Pulling Weeds and Let Life Grow.

  67. I’m with Beth. Having had such a crappy last couple of weeks, the image of Hunter getting his core on just made me snort. Also, he looks a little Old Concerned Man or something. Is he OK? Or does he just make that face when he’s in training and working up a sweat? He looks uncomfortable. Go! Go ask him how he feeeeeels!! I need to know!

    Liked by 1 person

  68. The look on Hunter’s face in the last photo says “Is this how I do it so I don’t wind up stuffed and riding the Vespa?”

    Liked by 1 person

    thesleepybeagle recently posted I Took a Bat to the Face.

  69. My cat will stand right up on his back feet and catch a treat in his mouth like a dog. He doesn’t have balls anymore, but he does still have knees.

    Liked by 2 people

    Julie recently posted I was an addict, but of a different kind.

  70. I had a cat that would fetch. So, yeah cat can do tricks. Also in terms of drug store conversations my most interesting to date went like this:
    Cashier (leaning in and asking in a sort of secretive way): Can I ask you something?
    Me (also leaning in because that is what you do and speaking in an uncertain, uneasy sort of way): Yes?
    Cashier: Do you go through the hand lotion pretty quickly?
    Me (confused): Um…yeah?
    Cashier: Because I noticed it expires in September.

    This was in like June so I guess that if I used that lotion now my skin would all melt off. Unfortunately I’m not sure which bottle it is so now I can’t use any hand lotion.

    Liked by 1 person

  71. Aww it’s Mewbacca

    Liked by 1 person

  72. Or maybe it was supposed to be ‘density’ like in Back to the Future.

    “I hope you find your density.”

    It’s a little more concrete anyway.

    Liked by 1 person

  73. I think “I hope you find your destiny” is an odd thing to say. I think they are trying to outdo themselves in trying to find new, cute ways to say, “thanks a lot! come again!”

    Liked by 1 person

  74. Until I saw the ‘stay hydrated’ thing, I assumed your drug store was in California. That totally sounds like a California thing to say. But no, you live in Texas. Did she say y’all? Cause then I would believe Texas. But Texas doesn’t really seem like a place where they would care about your destiny. Or maybe the clerk was from California, now living in Texas (which would explain the lack of a y’all). OK, now I’M really overthinking this. That’s my destiny. Apparently.

    Liked by 1 person

  75. I taught my cats high five, beg, sit , and to come at a whistle. And I’m very envious of people who have cats that fetch.

    Liked by 1 person

  76. Maybe Destiny is a person? I had something clever to add, then I looked down my window at the street, saw a pigeon walking beside a guy and for a minute, I was like, “That’s the tiniest fucking dog I’ve ever seen!! And then I realized it was just a pigeon and was simultaneously relieved AND disappointed. So now I’m all distracted. I’ll try to be funnier next time. But pigeon dogs…

    Liked by 1 person

    mydangblog recently posted My Week 101: In The Club, Calling 911.

  77. I try to fit in with regular people, I honestly do, but I don’t even know what I would say to the destiny thing. One wants to be nice to strangers when possible, but when they throw odd sentiments at us, what to do? I’m not even sure what destiny is, and I doubt that cashier is too clear on the concept. Is destiny the end point? If so, then it is everyone’s destiny to die. Is that what the cashier wishes? Or is destiny any of the high points along the way? Like the photos we choose for the album vs the ones we carefully hide in the garbage where no one will ever see them again. Is destiny the entire journey? Is it something assigned to us after we die by someone watching from the sidelines? But still, if cashiers are going to send us their best wishes, at least his one isn’t basing the comments on the products you buy. “I hope you find your destiny” is still preferable to, “I hope the rash clears up.”

    And on the whole cat balls thing, when I took our latest stray cat in to have him fixed, they called me back to pick him up because he was already fixed. He wouldn’t even look at me.

    Liked by 1 person

  78. It’s us. Of course you have to clarify! 😂

    Liked by 1 person

    Valerie recently posted To the Edge of a Precipice and Back.

  79. He’s handsome as he is.

    Liked by 1 person

    Kristin recently posted Two bowls of beans..

  80. Wifey and I were just arguing about why people love dogs and hate cats. Sorry, this is going to be barely related to your post.
    I do happen to love dogs, but I’m a pet guy… at least a mammalian pet guy… as long as they’re cats or dogs… anyway. We’re more or less cat people, but mostly because our cat, Gil Gunderson, is the most awesome and self-sufficient cat to ever live. Sometimes, when we’re on trips, our “sitter” will forget to feed him for a few days. Feathers in the dining room is evidence of what an awesome self-feeder he is. He’s independent and, when he’s around the house, it’s only because he wants a little love.
    However, folks in Idaho HATE them. Dogs are the best. Cats are to be shot at with BB guns by small children whose minds have been warped by their evil, rednecky parents. WHY?
    Don’t get me wrong. I love dogs and they’re awesome. But a cat has never almost killed me in an attempt to get some affection, nor has that happened to my toddler or my wife. In fact, our cat tolerates my evil toddlers attempts to remove his tail and even sits there and takes it when Garrett TACKLES him. No scratching or nuffin’!

    Liked by 1 person

    badparentingweb recently posted R.I.P. Badasses.

  81. Did you read this today?

    Like

  82. But what if I accidentally got someone ELSE’s destiny? How would I know? Maybe I’m not supposed to be a zookeeper. Maybe I was supposed to be a can-can girl.

    Also, you CAN teach cats things. It’s just usually the shoe is on the other foot, and they’re the ones training US.

    Liked by 1 person

    becomingcliche recently posted The Reason I am Not Speaking To My Sister.

  83. Today is a hard day. I needed this right now. Thank you!

    Liked by 1 person

  84. The pics of your cat are priceless! I loved this post. People are so funny, aren’t they?

    Like

    Lisa Orchard recently posted A Case of Paronychia: A Slice of Life Post.

  85. Does Hunter expect to drop serious lbs standing upright? Poor guy. I’ve been doing that shit for over forty years and have yet to drop an ounce that way. Hope he has better luck than me!

    Liked by 1 person

  86. Those would be amazing cat balls if they weren’t knees or tummy floof disguised as knees. On the question of finding your destiny, my class would be concerned. They just learned about fate/destiny and free will then found out that Oedipus and his mom were more than friends.

    Liked by 1 person

    kstewand4cats recently posted I have to burn my garden to the ground. Part 2.

  87. I am loving Hunter so much more than my own cat right now, who is being a total asshole. He ate his breakfast then puked it up in the middle of the carpet, and he even has a kitty door to get outside into our fenced in backyard. I don’t DO PUKE, so it’s going to have to sit there until my husband gets home. Cats are little bastards who know how to make us love them again after a few minutes. It’s such a rollercoaster.

    Liked by 1 person

    Lisa recently posted I slept all weekend to avoid fighting.

  88. Good kitty, Hunter, looking dapper. You sure have big “knees”.

    Liked by 1 person

  89. So, today I had my 2nd appt. with the nurse practitioner who is helping out with the new dr who has taken over my former psychiatrist’s practice. She is recruiting me to be born again. I smiled politely, inwardly screaming to get out of there. I’m sure Jesus is a good guy, and his team is full of well-meaning players. But I come here for Xanax, not religion, and my anxiety level was going up, not down. If this is my destiny, I need to throw a boomerang.

    Like

  90. I like the idea of saying something different as a goodbye. I will always remember leaving Ariel’s Grotto in Disney World and she called out to my daughter, “Enjoy your feet!” Needless to say, she always will…

    Liked by 1 person

  91. How long has your destiny been missing? Where did you see it last? Did you look behind the sofa? Sometimes the cats hide things there. I hope you find your destiny soon!

    HST is a real cutie, who would never get his balls mixed up with his knees.

    Liked by 1 person

  92. 92
    Marjorie J. Birch

    The whole destiny thing reminds me of an odd conversation I recently had with a realtor.

    I like to look at houses on real estate websites because it’s a socially approved (well, maybe not) method of going through strange houses. The trouble is, I got myself registered with a particular realtor and every now and then he calls me up to see if I want to sell my house and buy one of his properties. I always say no. (I don’t even want THIS house, buying a house is one of the biggest mistakes I ever made.) Anyway, we had a chat recently which shifted unexpectedly into religion…

    Me: No. I don’t want to buy a house. I’d sell THIS one except that I have cats and the landlord mantra around here is No Pets No Pets No Smoking No Pets… I wish I’d never bought the house. I’m held hostage by bills and possesesions…

    Real Estate Agent: Well, you must always remember that the earth is the Lord’s and we are as vapor…

    [Me: (thinking) WHAAAAAT, how can this man be a realtor and believe this…???]

    The conversation continued in this manner, because I haven’t got the heart to be really sarcastic with people who seem to be sincerely spriritual, until I excused myself by saying that it was nice chatting with him, but I needed (and perhaps it was my DESTINY) to pull some weeds out of the Lord’s earth.

    Serves me right for baring my soul to a realtor…

    I worked a cash register at Ptarjee. The things I said to people… but never “I hope you find your destiny.”

    I did once offer to sing “Don’t Cry for Me Argentina” to a guy if only he would sign up for a Red Card. He took me up on it, but I insisted he sign up for the card, first. He wouldn’t do it. And the world was spared…

    Liked by 1 person

  93. I love you! Not in a weird stalker way but in a way that my brain feels like it relates to your random wonderful thought process.

    Liked by 1 person

  94. I think by “find” she meant “found,” and, by “destiny” she meant “tampons,” “cream corn,” or “raisin bread.”

    Liked by 1 person

  95. I’m so glad I found you. You are so funny and I really enjoy everything you post on all the sites.

    Liked by 1 person

  96. So now you have me wondering . . . was the clerk’s comment a friendly “I hope you find your destiny” or a seething I’m-so-mad-at-you-because-you-made-me-change-a fifty-dollar-bill “I hope you find your destiny. Now it’s a cliffhanger.

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    candidkay recently posted Dust in the wind.

  97. I thought the Hunt Man and Mr. Ferris Wheel were already 100% nut-free…

    Love watching you train the beasties. We do clicker training with the cats at the shelter. I’ve been slacking with my foster kittens, though. I had puppies too and they needed the training more (bitey little shits), but they’re ripe and now it’s time to focus on the cats.

    BTW, I’ve had really good luck feeding my tank Natural Balance Fat Dog. She’s now svelte (for a pibble) and looks great. NB also makes Fat Cat kibble. I’m hoping they’ll make some Fat Human next, it’s been a zaftig summer for me.

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  98. Hunter S. Tomcat is wicked cool – and has a great sense of humor clearly:) EEEEK i’m really freaking out tonight have an appointment with a Psychiatrist tomorrow, and am NOT feeling good about it at all – wish me luck.

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  99. The comma splice in my last sentence is going to make me crazy; it should be a semi-colon instead of a comma after “next.” Maybe that’s my destiny.

    Liked by 1 person

  100. OMG! I get the same responses out of my wife when I text spectacular thoughts!
    By the way, I’m really glad those are knees.

    Liked by 1 person

    chiefj42 recently posted You’ll Never Find Your Super Power While Wearing Clothes.

  101. I remembered a commercial for cat food balls. [insert joke here] Maybe this will help. Now if only someone can put my food in an exercise machine… ;D
    https://www.amazon.com/PetSafe-SlimCat-Meal-Dispensing-Blue/dp/B0018CG40O

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  102. Maybe she meant Destin Beach? Now THAT would be a nice send-off. After 20 years in retail, the best I could manage was “Have a nice day, and fuck off.”

    Liked by 1 person

  103. Maybe you misunderstood the cashier. They don’t always speak clearly. Maybe she said, “Hope you find your chest, honey.” Or perhaps, “Hope you find your epiphany.” Or “Hope you have a dusty fanny.” Just saying. After 27 years of standing at the airplane door saying “bye-bye” “bye-bye” “bye-bye” almost anything might have come out of my mouth.

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  104. 104
    Plant Based Runner Girl

    Those would be some large and in charge balls, so I think it’s good you clarified.

    Liked by 1 person

  105. 105
    Plant Based Runner Girl

    Also, I really think you need to see this GIF. It’s relevant: http://giphy.com/gifs/flawless-humans-reenactment-8PjhTquocZDgI

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  106. At Walgreen’s, no matter what you buy, the cashier looks you in the eye and says “Be well.” It’s a little startling when I’ve just purchased a movie theater size box of Milk Duds, a 42 ounce Slurpee and a PedEgg. Is it that obvious?

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    TexasTrailerParkTrash recently posted Join the Club, Kids. The Line Forms on the Right..

  107. Bye Buddy! Hope you find your dad!!

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  108. I am in love with Hunter, balls, knees, everything. He’s gorgeous. As to the cashier, I speak sarcasm as my first language, and have a horrible time keeping it in check when people say meaningless crap after a transaction. Have a nice day WAS overused, but some of the weird shit people have come up with to replace that phrase are even worse. Just say BYE already!

    Liked by 1 person

  109. Aw HST is so cute. He reminds me of Puss in Boots. Not at all like those demon cat standing on two legs videos.

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  110. Thank you for this! It made me laugh until I cried😉

    Liked by 1 person

  111. My destiny was to stumble across your blog. When I need a boost, you always cheer me up. You are marvelously talented – so cat training should be no problem for you. Your destiny is to be you in all your glory.

    Liked by 1 person

  112. If it was supposed to be Desitin instead of destiny, try Monkey Butt.

    I need to put my Samwise formerly of the Gray Pants on a diet. But he complains … loudly … at 3am.

    Liked by 1 person

  113. You’re going to have the buffest cat. Is that a thing? Buffest? Autocorrect is telling me it’s not a thing, but then it also doesn’t like me to write autocorrect, so…

    Liked by 1 person

  114. I have been in a funk for a while,but your books, blog, and tweets always make me laugh, thank you.

    Liked by 1 person

  115. 115
    Charlene mcgregor

    What if her name is Destiny and she was hitting on you in a way that you’d either get it and make a move, or you’d ponder it and over think what she meant by it. It’s bloody genius, if anyone needs me I’ll be at city hall changing my name to Destiny.

    Liked by 1 person

  116. If somebody gave me that “destiny” line, I’d probably shoot back, “Oh, great. Now I have to find my destiny? I don’t have enough on my plate?”

    Liked by 1 person

    digbydigz recently posted The Summer of the Wasps.

  117. 117
    Supercatgrrl

    As a vet tech, I’ve totally seen balls that big on a Tom cat, but they totally stick out behind, not in front… Funny one recently had his tail amputated and now his balls have nothing to hide them from site and it’s really hard not to stare at them (and imagine drawing a face on them)… If it weren’t against confidentiality rules, I totally would have taken a pic to show you! Also, my cats are trained. They come when I whistle x-files theme song or the Star Wars theme song, and I used to have them trained to sit, but then they decided that they would only do it for food. Clicker training cats is also a thing: http://www.catbehaviorassociates.com/clicker-training/ if you want to learn to do it!!!! Sorry, I talk a lot about cats!

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  118. The clerk could also have been saying “I hope you find your Destin,” as in Destin, Florida. I’ve been there. It’s a trick to find the part that is ACTUALLY Destin and not some whimsically-named suburb or condo development. Especially when your driver prefers to drive around a Florida city block until the local cops wonder WTF, Illinois driver, and follow us until we make our way out of town. But I hold no grudges for that 2-hours-outta-my-life-I-will-never-get-back episode. Nope. Not me.
    My three-year-old kitten sometimes gets his head temporarily stuck in between the newel posts of our staircase. He acts all panicky until I get up and rub his ears, then when he’s had enough, he twists his neck and frees himself. Cats stuck in stairs tend to be false alarms.

    Liked by 1 person

  119. Oh my gawd Jenny I love you.

    Liked by 1 person

  120. Cats are amazing at tricks! Mine high-five, play dead, and hop up onto the barstools! oh, and come when called… unless they don’t feel like it. Actually– all those tricks are ‘unless they don’t feel like it’, or they can’t see the treat, or it’s not the treat they want, or one of the other cats is watching…. fine. my cat’s aren’t amazing at tricks. they’re amazing at tricks…. for cats.

    Liked by 1 person

  121. So as the responsible pet owner I know you must be – I presumed Hunter’s balls were long gone? No more kitten making! I knew those were his knees.

    Liked by 1 person

  122. Omgaaawwwwdddd! That is toats adorbs! If he really learned to do that for a treat, I am IMPRESSED!! My cat just kinda acts all ordinary. I’m not nearly as cool or awesome as you, though. YOU FUCKIN’ ROCK AND ROLL!

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  123. 1) Apparently those balls were Hunter’s destiny.
    2) I actually trained my cat, Khaleesi, to roll over on command. And by “trained,” I mean she does it about 1 out of every 10 times I politely ask her.
    3) I know that correlation does not necessarily equal causation, but do you think that maybe the cashier at the drug store got into some of the drugs, thus prompting the odder-than-usual sendoff. I’m just saying, I never get that kind of response at the yarn store.

    Liked by 1 person

    bekahrigby recently posted I Found A Plastic Eggplant On The Highway (So, Yeah, This Is A Post About Penises)....

  124. Try feeding Hunter small bits of cheese. It might make him stand up more.

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  125. Your cate is so cute!

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  126. Sorry, cat. Well done. Jenny, I think you find your destiny: coach cats. LOL

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  127. We taught our kitten to attack, playfully, when we tucked our hands inside our sleeeves whilst rubbing her belly. A tiny kitten batting om nom nomming on your arm is adorable … a full grown cat not so much!

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    Eleanor recently posted A Letter to Myself, Part One..

  128. 129
    paulasplacewheredreamsgotodie

    In the words of George Carlin, “Have a crappy day!” It takes the pressure off of trying to make your day ‘good’. My chances are I’m gonna have a crappy day anyway.

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  129. I just hope you don’t find my destiny, since it likely involves travelling.

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    bookdragonette recently posted Journalling-observations.

  130. Darling Jenny. If you didn’t overthink things, the rest of us would have nothing to contemplate and ponder on.
    Then I would have to let my voices come up with thoughts and ideas.
    Like, why don’t you just get a banister with wider post intervals?

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  131. fat pets > skinny pets any day

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    Slagzy recently posted Art is to Vegetables as Entertainment is to Dessert.

  132. I guess I’m of the school where if you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything. I don’t say anything. Leave ’em wondering…. or fearful. Yeah, fearful is better.

    Liked by 1 person

  133. Jenny, watch this funny cats

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  134. Yeah. And what if it’s your destiny to stub your toe or get hit by a bus? Then it would be a sucky kind of farewell. So maybe, “I hope you find your destiny, and it doesn’t suck,” would be better. Though I have higher hopes than just not sucking. It would be nice to wish folks better than that. But it is kind of low pressure that way. Maybe that’s not such a bad thing.

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  135. When I get told to Have A Nice Day I have to restrain myself from snarling back, “you first!” Which is partly my own reaction and partly George Carlins. Mostly I just say,”you, too.” Which is okay until they say, “thanks for coming in” or some other phrase that doesn’t quite work with YOU, TOO! The other day someone told my son to have a good first day of school. He said, “you, too” and then got very mad at himself for his auto reply. Sigh.

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  136. I’m going with those who think the cashier said “density” because Crispin Glover works at your drugstore now. Pay attention. There’s a guy who can teach cats some tricks.

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    Christopher recently posted It Was A Kick All Right..

  137. So Hunter S. Thomcat is trying out for Meerkat Manor? That is what my family calls this stance, food or no food. Love his stripy belly. I wonder, is it my destiny to love cat bellies?

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  138. Except for that unsightly white spot under his neck that could be my cat, Al Catpone…aka Scarface.

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  139. Rather than saying “have a nice day” I like to say “Make it a nice day”. But it IS kinda bossy too. But nice bossy, and it puts the nice day thing in your own control. Or does it?

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  140. If those are your cat’s knees, it has some pretty weird anatomy.

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  141. […] know how to respond because it’s a nice thought but if it’s your destiny you … Continue reading → […]

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  142. 144
    Princess Judy

    Oh my gawd! Hunter is doing The Squirrel! We taught our cats to “squirrel” to get treats. It was amusing for a while but then we quit doing it, except for Jack. Now when we’re eating or cooking he’ll stand up on his hind legs and look hopeful. Since he’s older than dirt (he’s an old wobbly kitty) we feel bad and tend to give him something. Oh, I just realized that he trained us!

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  143. And here I thought you were teaching him to wolf whistle (cat whistle?). Of course he’d have to use YOUR fingers to do that, because, well, cat fingers?

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  144. It’s totally a trick. At our house if the cat wants a treat she has to “gopher up” for it. Using paws to help guide the treat or hook onto my fingers is considered poor form.

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  145. 147
    Caroline Frost

    Hunter is utterly adorable and if those were his balls they’d be utterly adorable too! By the way I think your cats need an important friend/sibling – The President of course. Don’t let Victor talk you out of this. Sorry Victor

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  146. Maybe your destiny for that day was to text Victor about destinies?

    Hunter is so cute! And he isn’t chubby, he’s just very fluffy.

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  147. Hey, this is totally a thing. Two of my cats can sit up and beg. My dad taught our Siamese cat how to do it, so I kept the tradition alive with my set. (My cats are also really fat. Because America, I guess.)

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    KatieComeBack recently posted Searching for Butterflies.

  148. Maybe the pharmacist said “density” because it has something to do with the medicine he gave you? CHECK the bottle label immediately. We also have an orange tabby who is over-fluffy. I think all orange tabbies must be emotional eaters. It just makes them even more lovable and huggable. And I also love to see animals stand up like little people. If only there there were more standing little animals in our daily lives than actually grumpy humans stomping around the world would be a much fluffier place. xoxo

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    sarasmile101 recently posted It’s FRIDAY I’m in LOVE…!.

  149. Hahahahaha the last comment just makes this.
    Thanks for the clarification :’-) xo

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    Amy | Toothbrush Travels recently posted The Art Of Slowing Down.

  150. Not sure which is worse, but if you were at Disney, they’d say “Hope you have a magical day.”

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