So tonight I was walking my dog and thinking about what I should blog about this week because most of the posts in my draft folder are kinda half-written and don’t really have an ending and I was thinking that maybe I should throw myself in front of a car because that would at least give me something to write about and then I thought “Wow. There’s something really wrong with me. Maybe I need more meds”, but then I didn’t even have to maim myself because
I FOUND A MUSHROOM SHAPED LIKE A BOOB.
Probably the sexiest mushroom ever.
Fucking for real, y’all. It’s like God was all “Damn, what’s with the deathwish, bitch? I already gave you rheumatoid arthritis. That’s not enough for you? So selfish.” And then He’s all “You know what? Fine. Just throw yourself in front of a car. I’m out, dumbass.” But then He remembered my granny who is awesome and God-fearing and prays for me all the time and He probably sighed all grudgingly, like “Damn it. I totally owe Granny. Fine. I’ll give you this one.” Then, BAM! Boobie mushroom. And now I don’t even have to throw myself in front of a car. In fact, I think I could probably never post again and this blog would still considered successful just on the merit of this one boob God left on my lawn.
It's like when you see the Virgin Mary in a tortilla, except instead it's a boob on the ground. Either way, I'm pretty sure God wanted me to profit from it. Please send me a dollar.
PS. I took like 18 photos of the boobie mushroom and the whole time my neighbor was giving me this look like “The fuck?” and so I started also taking pictures of my kid and the mailbox and random shit to throw him off because I didn’t want him to notice the boobie mushroom because I was afraid he might have a blog too and post about it first. So yeah…I do think there’s probably something wrong with me. I mean, my neighbor doesn’t even speak English so even if he does have a blog we probably have a different audience. There could be some cross-over with my bilingual readers though so I don’t think I’m completely overreacting.
PPS. You know what? Fuck him. His granny didn’t go to church every Sunday for 70 years so her granddaughter could find this boobie mushroom. I am totally going out to smash it right now so he can’t put it on his blog, which may or may not exist.
PPPS. Okay, I didn’t do it. Partially because it felt wrong to destroy a boobie mushroom that God made. And also because when I was little I heard that if you squash mushrooms, fairies will attack you. Mostly that second one. I’ve probably revealed too much about myself here but you know what? Doesn’t even matter: Magical .boobie. mushroom. It’s kind of so awesome I could write anything here and no one would even notice. It’s like peeing behind the Pope. Most of the people there are too into the Pope to notice and if they do notice it’s probably because they weren’t paying enough attention to the Pope. It’s like a Pope test. If you’re distracted by a little urine you lose your turn with the Pope and have to go to the back of the line. If I was the Pope I’d have someone peeing behind me all the time. That would be awesome.
PPPPS. This may be my last post ever because where do you go from here? I’m totally like Eva Peron right before she got cancer.
Comment of the day: You should totally throw a thin white t-shirt over it and water it. Oh, wait, I forgot. I’m a lady. Don’t do that. That’s offensive. ~ harmzie
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That is stinking hilarious.
Word girl…Boobie Mushroom…AWESOME SQUARED man!!!! Awesome shit happens around you! Sweet!
Jenn´s last blog ..Brain Cloud
Not going to lie, I tried to read the PPPS and couldn’t even pay attention because all I was thinking was “OMG BOOBIE MUSHROOM” and then I looked back and noticed that you totally predicted this would happen. Maybe on top of all its regular awesome, the magical boobie mushroom also gives you superpowers!
Sarah´s last blog ..thedailywhat:Okay, Enough Kanye: Here’s a panda.[via.]
Umm, I was going to say…that is my boob. Before I started nursing. Three kids.
So, please give it back. Seriously. I want my boob back.
gwendomama´s last blog ..One Goof, Seeking His Ball…
It is true that God does give us signs. This would definitely be one of the more unusual signs from above. Although I’m not exactly sure that’s how it works with the Pope.
beth aka confusedhomemaker´s last blog ..Dude Where’s My Teleprompter? Pulling a Kanye And Other VMA Highlights
Awesome boobie mushroom!!! Just watch out for those fairies!
Man, you may have just discovered a new fetish. Mycoroticism.
Rob Z.´s last undefined ..If you register your site for free at
Does it leak milk?
My stomach hurts from laughing too hard.
katiebabs´s last blog ..I’m Going To Be On Blog Talk Radio!
“Peeing behind the Pope”…you’ve hit the glass ceiling of blogging, my friend.
Amo´s last blog ..Your Daily Deuce
Then again they do say God works in mysterious ways, magical boobie mushrooms would be right up there with mystery. And humor.
beth aka confusedhomemaker´s last blog ..Dude Where’s My Teleprompter? Pulling a Kanye And Other VMA Highlights
The most pathetic thing?
That mushroom is a more realistic looking boob than my own.
Audrey at Barking Mad´s last blog ..It’s Time to Take a Stand and Demand Some Answers!
that mushroom looks cold. It needs a tight angora sweater, baby blue.
Bridget´s last blog ..Button
I would totally dig up that mushroom and give it to the pope.
And then try and get me some action from his assistant George. Cause he is all kinds of hot. And a freaking SKI INSTRUCTOR. Which is porn for totally sweet arse.
I love boobs. Well, my own. That mushroom looks just like mine. Except mine is less flat. And full of silicone. And it’s not lying on grass. Thank god.
Susan Mercedes´s last blog ..What Not to Wear (to Work)
praise the lord – i’m saved by a boobie mushroom…. now, u know, i never ever thought i would type those words – Jenny is mah Saviour! hey, there’s an idea – start a religion! tax free, and all sorts of extras like having sex with whoever looks cute among your disciples… if Victor doesn’t mind, obviously
Sheila (@stinginthetail)´s last blog ..Editors are like elephants…
okay, here’s what’s wrong with me. i saw the picture of the boobie mushroom AND GOT FUCKING JEALOUS OF IT. because it is petite and perky and NOTHING LIKE THE EMPTY SACKS OF SKIN THAT A TUCK INTO MY PANTS AFTER BREASTFEEDING TWINS. so not only does my self-image avoid playboy and teen porn, but i now i have to avoid you too. for once, i expected more from you.
Joy´s last blog ..SNAPS september 6, 2009
Hi Jenny
xoxo 
Thanks for another fun blog post.
That mushroom is totally bizarrely awesome.
You could sell it on ebay!
All the best,
@RKCharron
xoxo
RKCharron´s last blog ..RKCharron: @PiaVeleno Congratulations on passing your Certified Financial Planner exam! It sounds extremely difficult. Love & Hugs
Wow. My teenage kid just came OUT OF HER ROOM and hugged me SPONTANEOUSLY to show appreciation. That is a miracle mushroom, probably the Virgin Mary’s right bazoomble. You should make your home a shrine.
Thank you for that. I am now going to stop squashing mushrooms and hope they grow in boobie mushrooms of my own.
Magical boobie mushroom?
Coolest. Fungus. EVER!
Anona Miss´s last blog ..Tonight’s dinner? Yum
So really what you’re saying is I’ll know that I’ve reached the high point in my life when I find a boobie mushroom. I think I’ll hold off looking for a while, cause I hate that whole premature climax shit.
Wonder if that’s an edible mushroom. Because really, the only thing cooler than having pictures of the boobie mushroom would be having pictures of you eating the boobie mushroom. But maybe that’s not such a good idea, even if it is edible, because people would be all “Oh Jenny’s a lesbian now” and that’s how rumors get started.
PrincessJenn´s last blog ..OverSelfPromotionalizing
At least is wasn’t a big saggy post breastfeeding boobie.
Denise´s last blog ..You Were Born For This Blog Tour and Giveaway!
I would’ve called 911 and screamed something about finding a mutilated boob on the lawn and the police would’ve shown up in a hurry. Then, they’d look at me scornfully and say, “Lady, it’s a mushroom.” So much for saving the day.
Fairly Odd Mother´s last blog ..All growed up
OK, you totally need to register boobiemushroom.com NOW!
WOW- I can’t believe it. Its like a plastic surgeon’s dream mushroom. It looks like the perfect little boobie-shroom. Way to go God!
Erika@MeSoupBlog´s last blog ..a cup of Apples- Make it Monday video
OMFG, I mistakenly started reading this while eating Cheerios… almost choked to death trying not to spray milk out my nose from laughing so much. Thank you, it was lovely
honey_is_evil´s last blog ..Welcome to Boobie Wednesday
I’ll never look at a lawn mushroom the same way…
My dollar is on its way.
Becky | LivingSexuality´s last blog ..The Erotic as Power
Funny, and completely disgusting.
heather´s last blog ..Presto Pesto!
More things I think God said when He decided to save your life with a mushroom: “Okay, so that’s pretty good work if I say so myself, but Jenny’s not going to write about it unless the boobi-ness is unmistakable and easily distinguished from a standard-issue discolored-at-the-top mushroom, and so BAM!, I just sent a tiny cold front to Jennifer Aniston-ize my little fleshy creation and, well, you’re very welcome Jenny and the rest of the free world. See? I exist.”
I’m hoping God saves me with a similar miracle.
That is one of the prettiest boobies I’ve ever seen. And back when I was 20? Mine were GORGEOUS. Wonder if that is a “magical” mushroom? Cause, then I’d be all, WOW and all.
Martie´s last blog ..I Used To Have A Sneaky Teenager, But Now I Got a Sneaky EIGHT Year Old?…
Am resisting the urge to start hunting in my own goddamned yard for mushrooms. No wonder I have been in such a blogging funk lately – all I did today was hang a bunch of frocking towel rods. Apparently, I need to grow mushrooms or get a life. Huh.
cagey´s last blog ..Wasted.
Wow. That piece of fungus has a better rack than I do. How utterly depressing.
Scary Mommy´s last blog ..The glass is half empty and I’m never answering the door again
You need to double-sided tape that sucker to your shirt and pretend to breast feed (what? I have no idea. A baby doll. Your five year old. Whatever.) in public and then when people get all OUTRAGED about your “indecent exposure,” you can tell them they mistook a MUSHROOM for your real tit and then they’ll be so embarrassed that they’ll probably forget you stuck a boobie-shaped mushroom to your shirt and pretended to breast feed a baby doll and/or your five year old in the first place.
May we all strive to reach the boobie mushroom, peeing behind the pope level of blogging success that you have.
Just Shireen´s last blog ..Here Lies…Well Not a Viking, That’s For Damn Sure
That is one qualititty.
What does that say about me that it’s probably bigger than my boob? If you find another one about the same size (because really, who has 2 boobs EXACTLY the same size? puleeeeeze) I will buy them, wear them, and call them Thelma & Louise & love them forever. Until I meet a man and he eats them.
shit.
Tug´s last blog ..Coors Field
Dude, there’s no mushroom in that picture, just your lawn. I think your pharmacist is messin’ with you.
Steve´s last blog ..#82 Remake
That is BRILLIANT! Although, your comment about DRAFT FOLDER, HALF-WRITTEN, etc. etc. has seriously freaked me out. Now I have to DRAFT my posts? That implies rewrites. And discards. Seriously!
Dude! Put that thing on eBay! People will buy anything on there; you could make a fortune! Or at least make enough to buy a slurpie or something.
Annabelle´s last blog ..*Insert Title Here*
Be glad you got a boob-shaped shroom. The closest I’ve come to something as that is when my I was picking up my dog’s crap and there was a turd that looked like Captain America’s shield, which she proceeded to step on before I could snap a picture.
I think my dog secretly hates me and wants me to die so she can have all the doritos to herself (she doesn’t need to open the bag. She just eats it along with the chips)
This is the best post in the history of the world. I hope I dream about it tonight.
KBO´s last blog ..Mazel Tov!
Nice Tit-shroom!! I heard in ancient gaelic culture if you find one of these, make a tea and drink it slowly while you say a little chant, you will grow monster gozangas! Either that or you’ll die. I can’t really remember the details……
Kate´s last blog ..Shorter days….
You know how fairies live in mushrooms? This must be the fairy strip club. The nipple top is the equivalent to the shapely silhouette.
Laurie Ann´s last blog ..Electric Laundry Land
Oh Boobie Mushroom, Shroobie Mushroom. Your dog poops in your yard? Mine has to do it in the mayor’s yard. And I am not picking that crap up.
Michele´s last blog ..Another Doll Quilt
Breast. Mushroom. Evar.
Is it really cold there?
Marinka´s last blog ..The Best Post Ever!
I would totally send you a dollar, but I don’t have your address. And you’d totally just spend it on Xanax anyhow. Then I thought that a dollar really isn’t even enough for a Xanax. So maybe I’ll just send you a Xanax. But I still don’t have your address. There might be something bad about sending medication thru the mail though. Course Wilford Brimley really wants me to get my “Diabet-ess” testing supplies thru the mail, and those are like medication, so maybe it would be ok?
I’m sorry, did you say something about boobies?
Rob Sumbler´s last blog ..Sumbler: Great ride. Headed home, then to Crunchy’s to clean up, then tweet up! #midmichtweetup
It is only fair that God made such an awesome boobie mushroom for you. He’s made so many phallic mushrooms that there’s even one named “phallus impudicus” (seriously). A google image search will bring up many wondrous examples.
I used to have an internet radio show where I interviewed people who sold weird stuff on eBay. The first one was a woman selling pictures painted by her turtle, and I thought that was pretty weird. But then I found the guy selling cow poop he picked up from Area 51 which he said had magical properties and could heal people which made me wonder why he didn’t have a late-night tv show where he would get calls and letters from people who wanted to be healed and he could put his hand on the cow poop and heal them by proxy. But that isn’t even as weird and wonderful as a mushroom boobie which I hope you didn’t smash because it could make you millions. You should put it in a little boobie mushroom PopeMobile and take it on tour and charge people to look at it, and the best part is everyone would be paying money to see your boobie and you don’t even have to strip.
Barbara´s last blog ..Train Wreck
I forgot to mention that the common name is “stinkhorn”. Sadly, I don’t see this catching on as a pet name for male genitals.
‘Shrooooooob!
anne nahm´s last blog ..The Freaky Toy Gods Smile Upon Our House Again
God so wanted you to have that boobie mushroom.
MammaLoves´s last blog ..Did I Mention I Knit?
Must… not… make… “pastie”… joke.
Fortunately, few enough of us grew up in the UK that the above even makes sense.
Don’t smash it! Let it grow, and soon you’ll have some gorgeous, naked super model sprouting out of your lawn.
…Wait, no, smash that bitch.
Wow. I’m gonna have to ask you to remove that picture from your blog, because I’m pretty sure God used my left boob as a model for that magical mushroom. And I only share my left boob with a select audience, (although my right boob is a bit of a loosey goosey so I’m sure if you give her a dollar she’ll give you a peek or three). If you choose to leave that pic up, at least give me the courtesy of an honorable mention and maybe some royalties? ‘Kay?
Jeniel @ http://www.whatswrongwithmommy.com
Jeniel´s last blog ..Homework-1, Mommy-0
What, no vagina?
Yep. That is a caucasian boob, or could be asian…nope… too big. definitely caucasian.
Jasmine´s last blog ..Stuff We Like
But I thought all mushrooms were supposed to be fun-gis. Fun-guys…. get it? BWAA-HAHAHAHAHA.
katie´s last blog ..Sunday football
You made this praying granny laugh — and almost pee her pants.
Where do you want me to send the dollar? Although I’m a Lutheran, I think if I send you a dollar I might get some indulgence points that the Catholics believe in.
If you don’t want to post an address, I’ll just drop an extra dollar in the collection plate on Sunday. I’ll paste a copy of the picture of your mushroom to the dollar just so God knows I want my points.
Bill´s last blog ..New Drug Combos for Obesity Treatment
If you find a 2nd tit-’shroom, you could wear them on Halloween.
Akilah Sakai´s last blog ..He Loves Me Despite
Forget those fake ass, chicken-cutlet bra inserts that cost real money, you could just go for a walk, pick up some free cleave enhancers and be on your way.
And then, at lunch, when your salad is lacking pizazz? Voilà!
Ginny´s last blog ..Did Casanova Have a Mom?
omG this is hilarious!!!!!!!
Nahl´s last blog ..
So, that boobie mushroom is totally the hottest mushroom I’ve ever seen. And now I’m wondering if that thought makes me some sort of Basidio-sexual/mycota-sexual or something like that?
Seriously.
Jennifer´s last blog ..Cicada
it would be pretty sweet to have nipples as pink as that shroomie-boobie has. damn that breastfeeding and child-bearing.
pamela´s last blog ..more drumrolling, yo.
HA HA freakin’ HA!
Even your lawn is R rated! It’s like you were destined to be crazy and inappropriate and now your lawn is joining in. If your neighbors think you’re as crazy as we already know you are, then they’ll think you put it there on purpose. Just act like the latest thing is having a boobie mushroom on your front lawn and they’ll be too distracted trying to figure out how to get their own that they won’t even notice how totally weird it really is.
LB @Wait, She Said What?´s last blog ..If I believed in omens, I would be worried right now.
Peeing behind the pope- man or woman?
Zoe Right´s last blog ..Tattoo
I hate my job. I like to pee. Are you hiring?
You should offer the magical mushroom as an appetizer at the next neighborhood meeting on a really pretty plate. See who takes the first bite and stay the hell away from that person.
Could you write more about the Pope? Every time you do my abs get a little more toned and my eyes a bit clearer from all the tears. And I need all I can get since my husband would probably rather fondle that mushroom over mine any day of the week.
Thanks.
Love´s last blog ..Testosterone will transform any good person into a sex machine. Believe me, I know.
BTW… Big fan, long time listener, first time caller.
That’s pretty cool, but wait until you see one of these
Tell me you picked it up. TELL ME YOU PICKED IT UP!
And built a shrine to it in your bathroom. Or your kitchen. Where the hell is it appropriate to build a mushroom shrine anyway? Somewhere dark and moist? Oh crap, now I’ve just grossed myself out by typing moist. AGAIN.
This is all god’s fault.
shine´s last blog ..I’m still calling it a dinner party.
Just when I thought this couldn’t get more random and odd. Good job.
Spanishmedievalist´s last blog ..On hunger
I’m trying to imagine the fairies that live under that mushroom!
Mik´s last blog ..Riding ON the bus
It’s like you stuck a fake nipple on it.
My dad killed himself … and no matter how suicidal or depressed or panicky-y I get, I will NEVER do it. Because he was an arsehole who couldn’t handle life, so if I die by natural causes it means I won.
Hope those pesky “jump-under-cars” feelings soon abate .. hey, who knows WHAT crazy thing God will leave out for you to find next week. Maybe a cheetoh shaped exactly like a clitoris.
edenland´s last blog ..My IVF Story Part II … The Shooting Star
Now there are ninjas AND mushroom boobs here? If that doesn’t make this the best fucking blog on the intarwebs then I surely have no idea what in the world will make The People happy.
I think you should go into business with a candy maker immediately and market mushroom boobs to all mankind. You can make them out of marzipan or something equally awesome. My business advice is completely without strings attached, by the way.
You should open your own etsy shop selling mushroom boobs, the Fabulous, Fungulous World of the Breast. I’d buy it and eat it sauteed in butter (I love mushrooms and boobs). That sounds a bit creepier than I meant it to.
angryyoungwoman´s last blog ..Sparkly Nephi
I masturbated while looking at that picture.
C.J.´s last blog ..Women I Love: 5/365, Madame Dick
Every time you squash a mushroom a fairy dies, stop doing that the gay community is persecuted enough all ready…ease up on the fairy carnage.
P.S. Your neighbor may be Jeffery Dahmer’s second cousin twice removed and that is not a mushroom.
there’s something middlin’-highly coincidental happening regarding my having *only just* written a post about my leftover angst over some fucko who i may or may not still be, BUT IN FACT, TOTALLY AM, trying to avenge for having mocked my small boobs as a teenager, and the mushroom boobie.
i think it’s God, too. i think he’s telling you to spread the mushroom boobie’s message, J. because if there’s one thing God loves, it’s boobs, and especially the little ones. he loves the little ones the best.
God loves my little boobs, is what this means. God is down w my almost-As.
SUCK ON THAT, CASEY. SUCK ON HOW MUCH GOD PREFERS MY MOSQUITO-BITES TO YOUR STUPID, BALDING SNAGGLE-TOOTH AND YOUR SCIENCE-TEACHER PAUNCH.
i owe you for this, Jenny. well, you and God. and your Granny.
I agree with the other people that you should totally sell it on ebay. People buy all kinds of weird and freaky things. Trust me, there is someone out there who is just dying to buy a mushroom boobie. I just don’t know how you would properly package such a thing or what section it should be posted in. I doubt the ebay help section will have something on this. You should call the ebay customer service number and ask them. I’m sure that would be a hilarious conversation. Please post it here so we can enjoy.
LB @Wait, She Said What?´s last blog ..Sex toy makers are now trying to cash in on necrophilia.
Seriously Jenny, how does this shit always happen to you? Oh and also, that mushroom has high beams
flutter´s last blog ..Remember
Dude, what are you waiting for? SELL IT ON EBAY. NOW.
SupaCoo´s last blog ..An Editorial
This remarkable fungus is officially the point where you and Steve from The Sneeze spiritually merge and have babies of hilarity to populate new galaxies across the universe.
I say you take a biopsy of this boobie and send it to Steve for “processing”. Don’t expect to get it back, or at least to want whatever you’d get back…
LiteralDan´s last blog ..Storybook Weddings: Elmo, assault, rampaging horses, and idiocy
Okay, that is a legitimate BOOB! Also, it’s bigger than mine. Sigh.
Brooke´s last blog ..Random Photos of Kaunas
OMG ! Great post you are one crazy ass funny …..boob finding blogger! Thanks for the laugh so need that !
Maybe you already live in faerie land and one of them is teasing you with this boobie mushroom.
M´s last blog ..Two Little Letters
Wow. God really DID want YOU to find that Boobie Mushroom….
That mushroom kind of makes me never want milk again.
I don’t know either.
LiLu´s last blog ..This Is How We Do Iiiiit. (Apparently.)
At first I actually thought it was a silcone implant on the grass then I thought why would someone throw away a perfectly good implant. Then I remembered Lorana(sp?)Bobbit and remembered that the person who found his penis probably thought the same thing…..funny stuff bloggess. keep it coming! you are awesome!
Wait, that’s definitely a mushroom, right? I mean, there’s not some naked chick buried there in a really haphazard way, is there? Some naked chick whose nickname at school was “Fungus Tits”?
Just checking. I do it cos I care.
Fuiru´s last blog ..Album Review – Leonard Cohen: The Remixes
I’d say that boobie mushroom is an impressive C cup. How many cup sizes is it gonna grow???
Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..Frozen grasshopper tastes like chicken.
Too bad there weren’t two! Two boobie mushrooms is always better than one. Maybe another one will grow…and then there will be a hand mushroom. YOU COULD BUILD A WHOLE BODY OUT OF MUSHROOMS! Then you could name it Veronica and really freak out your neighbors.
Shrooms Gone Wild.
For some reason this post sounds like a Tori Amos song.
“I’m just a fun gi.”
Some of the mushrooms are exact phalluses. . ?. . . it may be that nature is trying to tell us something here about gettin’ down and dirty in the moist underworld….or underwear . . . .
Anyway, always glad to hear you didn’t kill yourself over blogging.
There are much better reasons, after all.
Magical boobie mushroom, both awesome and delicious, except I don’t like mushrooms so less on the delicious side, unless this is a magical kind of mushroom in which case I could get on board because I could really use a trip.
Becky Mochaface´s last blog ..Tuesday Trivia: Food
amazing
Love the way your mind works; haven’t laughed so much since Dylan Moran was in town.
(wiping away laugh tears).
Don’t stop blogging.
Last year I found a PENIS in my yard! Thats right, but it really wasn’t … I was too distraught to take pictures, but I did find out what it was. Y’all have to google “stinkhorn mushroom” and see the pictures that come up. And yes, it does stink, and now I am all freaked out again, because what is going on with all the x-rated body shaped mushrooms? Must go lie down…
Haha, totally laughing my ass off in my cubical right now
That boobie mushroom is pretty perky. I should know as I’m the perkiest boobie owner in the world now. (I had reduction surgery … the result? Extremely.Perky.Boobs!) I imagine some non-perky woman will come along and pick that boobie mushroom and tape it right onto her chest. Then she’ll wear a shirt that is see thru only on ONE side to show off her perkiness which will be, after all, only a boobie mushroom. Don’t ya think?
Twenty Four At Heart´s last blog ..Patience?
I’m coming to steal your mushroom. I’m sorry to do it because I really like you, but I didn’t get my boyfriend anything for our anniversary and I just KNOW the perfect gift is a magical boobie mushroom.
Jen @ lifelove’n'wine´s last blog ..Munchie Mondays – Ravioli Lasagna
Saved by the boobie mushroom! Praise Jesus!!!
MommaSunshine´s last blog ..Everyday Love Stories
That boobie mushroom needs a 24 hour webcam, so we can watch it and enrich our lives through it’s Godly beneficence.
I beleive the original bible verse was “God so love the world that he gave boobies. Really. Boobies. What begotten son? Boobies.”
P.S. My boss just walked into my office and asked if I was looking at porn. This is probably my last day…
Karen´s last blog ..Caaaaaable Guuuy!
Booby perfection indeed! It’s funny how God or Mother Nature or whatever entity is in charge, throws down just the right message at the right time. I have Parkinson’s, and like your RA, the whole freakin’ thing pisses me off to a somewhat lunatic degree at times.
And then up pops a Booby Mushroom, and all is well again!
Linnnn´s last blog ..Soccer. Balls. Son of…
I once found a mushroom that looked like a penis.
Then I remembered it was just me laying out naked in the backyard looking at porn.
moooooog35´s last blog ..Motivational Filler – Last Call
Would you be interested in selling this mushroom? Please email me ASAP with a desired price, if you have one in mind.
It’s better than the Virgin Mary in a tortilla, because you found the Virgin Mary’s boob!
vakadesign´s last blog ..Aquamarine Waterfall Pendant – $375.00
I blew milk out of my nose,
And I wasn’t even drinking milk.
You. Are. Genius.
Sharkey!´s last blog ..Hung over and dancing
I always knew God was a boob man.
Brutalism´s last blog ..Your Gubmint At Work
You should totally throw a thin white t-shirt over it and water it. Oh, wait. I forgot, I’m a lady. Don’t do that, that’s offensive.
harmzie´s last blog ..Max Power
I don’t believe it. You photoshopped that baby! That is too unreal. And you crack me up, sister. The Pope Test. Classic.
Momish´s last blog ..Momish Googles: Pneumonia
The next step is to contact the police so you can coordinate security and traffic control for the thousands of pilgrims that will now come to your yard to see the Holy Mushboob that God and your Granny made that saved you from throwing yourself in front of a car to end the RA which God only gave you in order to lead you to the Holy Mushboob and people will roll their wheelchairs and walkers with the tennis balls on the bottom into your yard so they might touch the nipple of the boob and BE HEALED from yes RA but also much ookier and more embarrassing afflictions especially the fungus-related ones. Where do you live again?
pjwaldron´s last blog ..More Things That Keep Me Up At Night
Dude, I think I ate a boob that looked eerily similar to your yard boob last night. Is that wrong?
shauna´s last blog ..The post where I play the part of Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible, but I’m not a weirdo. OK, that’s not exactly true, but…never mind
I heard that if you squash mushrooms, fairies will attack you
Say what ??
Oh I am soo screwed…….
Your boob mushroom and my decrepit nipple mushrooms should totally rub up against each other. On the internet. For profit. http://tiny.cc/x70F1
Cat´s last blog ..The Trouble With Technology…
Maybe a stripper exploded in your yard. They are called “implants,” ya know.
always home and uncool´s last blog ..Survival of the Frantic
Fascinating. Looks like God’s keeping abreast of your blog!
Gary R´s last blog ..Before crossing: Look left, look right, look left again
Congrats — you’ve been Pharyngulized!
Emma Hernandez´s last blog ..More Dumb Advice: “Why Your Resume Gets Tossed”
I used to date a real boob that would get drunk and pass out on the grass, but I like your boob much better!
That’s what you call “really milking a story”
I am sorry ton have to point out that THIS is the sexiest mushroom ever.
http://unmitigated.typepad.com/unmitigated/2009/07/technically-its-a-fungus.html.html
But yours comes in second.
Middle-Aged-Woman´s last blog ..Random Tuesday Thoughts: The Ice Pack Edition
Let’s try that again, shall we?
I am sorry to have to point out that THIS is the sexiest mushroom ever.
http://unmitigated.typepad.com/unmitigated/2009/07/technically-its-a-fungus.html
But yours comes in second.
Middle-Aged-Woman´s last blog ..Random Tuesday Thoughts: The Ice Pack Edition
Um, is that your daughter’s shoe? I would love to hear what you said when you ran inside to get your camera…honey, hurry outside with mommy I have a special surprise for you…it’s magical.
Someone left a link to this in my comments and can I just say? It’s only Tuesday and already the week’s been real long and reality entirely too real and this just about made my day. Week. Maybe even my month. Thank you. Awesome.
Lene´s last blog ..Too Far. Just Too, Too Far
I wish God would give me a boobie mushroom in my yard
instead all I get are sickly looking mushrooms that I wish my husband would destroy already. But now I’m thinking, maybe we should leave those mushrooms… maybe one day we’ll get blessed with God’s sexual mushrooms, and if we do? Then I’ll totally go to Church. Until then though, I’m sleeping in on Sunday mornings.
Megan Erwin´s last blog ..Ignore This, lol.
That is the kind of love God never shows me. I’m gonna have to have a talk with my granny. Who I don’t call “granny”. Mostly because she’s dead and I don’t talk to dead people because I’m not that freaky kid in that movie, but also because I never called her granny. But I would totally talk to her if she could put a boobie mushroom on my lawn. I need blog material, too, you know!
Shnerfle´s last blog ..How to Teach Your Children Vocabulary
eBay! No way! Clearly God sent you that mushroom so you could start a new religion. You could pray over the boobie mushroom on TV while gently rubbing it to make your callers boobies look as beautiful as the boobie mushroom. And don’t forget to take Visa and MasterCard.
I sure hope this isn’t your last blog post. People who can write something this train-of-consciousness hilarious are exceedingly rare.
If it cures your RA, I’m totally going to start my hunt for boobie mushrooms for my husband. What a lucky guy he would be! Eating boobie-shrooms and feeling better. Score!
Seriously hilarious!! And it would only happen to you, wouldn’t it??
Kara @ His, Hers, and Ours.´s last blog ..Monday Musings
Do you realize that you have seen a vision of blessed Saint Agatha of Sicily? From Saints.SQPN.com (“notes about your extended family in heaven”)– ” Young, beautiful and rich, Agatha lived a life consecrated to God. When Decius announced the edicts against Christians, the magistrate Quinctianus tried to profit by Agatha’s sanctity; he planned to blackmail her into sex in exchange for not charging her. Handed over to a brothel, she refused to accept customers. After rejecting Quinctianus’s advances, she was beaten, imprisoned, tortured, her breasts were crushed and cut off. She told the judge, “Cruel man, have you forgotten your mother and the breast that nourished you, that you dare to mutilate me this way?”” She is often depicted carrying her breasts on a plate. I’d say she’s trying to get some attention, and YOU are just the person to do it. The BVM has had her day in the sun.
Still another Laura´s last blog ..Quote of the Day
Huh. I mean HUH. Sooooo it is true! Everything is grown bigger in Texas?!
Christina´s last blog ..Weekend Hodge Podge
That’s not only a mushroom that looks like *a* boobie. It’s a mushroom that looks like *my* boobie. I know because it looked familiar, so I took my shirt off and was just pressing my boob up against my computer screen (you know, to compare them side-by-side) when my boss walked in. So I asked him to look at my boob and then the mushroom boob and tell me if they’re similar. He said yes. Then he gave me a raise.
FunnyGal KAT´s last blog ..A true friend…
OMG I died laughing reading this post!
Jen´s last blog ..Milla the Killa, He’s a Thrilla in Manila
I have to quote this back to you in case you have no clear idea what you have accomplished here:
“It’s like peeing behind the Pope. Most of the people there are too into the Pope to notice and if they do notice it’s probably because they weren’t paying enough attention to the Pope. It’s like a Pope test. If you’re distracted by a little urine you lose your turn with the Pope and have to go to the back of the line. If I was the Pope I’d have someone peeing behind me all the time. That would be awesome.”
One of the best analogies, coined terms, new concepts, EVER! This, m’lady, is what the Internet is for.
(In case you are wondering why I am in full-on kiss-up mode: Hear that knock on your door? My kids are selling cookie doughs for their school fundraisers this week. Thanks!)
p.s. My MIL is a devout Catholic who goes to church like, every day. On Tuesdays she goes there twice. I will make sure she is ok with this new analogy. And if not, I’ll make sure that you and I are on her prayer list….)
submom´s last blog ..How come others got a long letter from a Nigeria princess and I, this?
Diet Coke out of one’s nose does NOT feel good…
Excellent post…goddamn…
Man, that is one BOOBIE mushroom! When I saw the title of your post, I also thought you had come across a breast (or implant) left after a murder! Glad it wasn’t so traumatic, except for the part about the deathwish. God TOTALLY sent you this mushroom as a SIGN… (I don’t know WHAT sign though)…
When I was little, I was afraid to touch mushrooms because I thought I would get high. And get warts. Then I would go inside, and my mom would totally know that I was high because she could see the warts all over my tiny body. There’s no covering that shit up.
BUT, being the little gay girl that I was, I totally would have touched that mushroom boobie. And liked it.
Worth the warts.
Had I found a lawn boob at my house, my post would have been about me getting arrested naked in my front yard. Now it will be about me getting arrested naked in your front yard. But let’s face it, we all knew that was eventually going to happen. The lawn boob has just expedited the process.
MayoPie´s last blog ..Sure, I’ll rush right in. Let me just grab my bat.
So my day was totally in the fucking shitter until I saw the boobie mushroom. i’m now in much better spirits and will NOT have to sell my children to the highest bidder on eBay. Thank you boobie mushroom for saving my family.
Shaun´s last blog ..2 Years and Counting
I was more impressed before I realized that the shoe belonged to Hailey, at least I hope it does. If not you should reconsider your shoe options.
Fucking hilarious.
I have no way of telling you about my kid that likes to touch boobies and then yell GROSH without coming across all weird.
He’d love this mushroom.
More than I love Scott Bakula.
Betsey´s last blog ..Team Jake Needs To Kick Team Eddie’s AZZ, I’m All Team Louis and Can’t Believe I’m Even Bothering…
I can’t even imagine what your search terms come up with. ROFL
megscole64´s last blog ..Counting Down the Days
Ah, that’s where the other goddess went to . .she’s been missing a few days.
Gwenny, bearer of twin goddesses of the Cult of Gwenny the Pooh’s Tits
Lucky bitch. All I have is penis shaped mushrooms. Hey, if you have a second mushroom like that and I bring over my penis shaped mushroom……
Mama Dawg´s last blog ..Not Here Today
I’m really not sure what it says about me that I’m now desperately craving a portobello sandwich.
Bejewell´s last blog ..Because of 9/11, I Made My Husband Gay on Facebook
This could be a safe and sane replacement for saline and silicone breast implants. Just seed the patient’s bosom with a bit of transplanted fungi, send her out into a heavy rain storm, and the next morning — voila! She wakes up with Fungi Bags.
Also, if a group of say, college cheerleaders, who were all similarly enhanced, were to, say, crash in the Andes, “Alive!”-style, this is the kind of breast augmentation that could stave off cannibalism for months, and add a delicious savory note to your melted-snow-and-boot-upper soup.
Scott C.´s last blog ..Apparently Roger Dean Wasn’t Available
You so totally should have taken that thing to a local plastic surgeon and been all “I want my boobs to look like this!” Bickety bam, two blog posts from the boob ’shroom.
You’re welcome.
Coal Miner’s Granddaughter´s last blog ..So Now I’m an Anthropologist
For some reason, boobie mushrooms just replaced flowers in my mind. Instead of flower bouquet, boobie bouquet (say that 10 times fast) field of flowers, field of boobies, “let me just put these flowers in some water”, “let me just put these boobies in some water” ….Its funny to think about, but not really that funny, but yeah it kinda is that funny….
Brandy´s last blog ..This one gets a little graphic…
This was made by Ore-Ida, not God.
Perhaps there was a vagina in the box hedge?
dubiousMa´s last blog ..Twitter is a Hard Nut to Crack
http://tinyurl.com/klqoum
OMFG. I spent last week obsessing over Zombie Penis Mushrooms ™ that I found in my back yard. I was totally alarmed and disturbed thinking of what might be UNDER the mulch… I posted the blog this morning, then saw your boobie-mushroom. What does this mean??? Is it a Zombie Boobie Mushroom????? Just what the fuck are these zombies up to??????
(PS: When I told my husband I was on my way home to take pictures of Zombie Penis Mushrooms ™ he thought that was… odd. THEN, he said it sounded like a very Bloggess-like thing to do. I said thank you, but I’m not sure it was a compliment. I’m suspecting he’s as big an asshole as Victor.)
Lori´s last blog ..You Just Never Know When Zombies Will Pop Up
You know what’s really cool about that shroom? When you stare just below it, at the line by the grass, the boob seems to grow and shrink. Like the psychdellics of the mushroom are oozing through the computer screen.
AWESOME.
See it? No? Just me and my own personal acid flashbacks?
tracey´s last blog ..15 years is a long time to wait for a hug…
Maybe if you wait a few days another one will grow and you’ll have a pair. One will be slightly bigger than the other, just like in real life!
Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy´s last blog ..Gettin’ My Frugal On: Coupons Are Awesome!
I picked a Buttercup.
Why anyone had left a Buttock laying around I’ll never know.
Can I take mushroom boob to my areola reconstruction surgery?
3b1m´s last blog ..3B1M: Is Hot Dog on a Stick a national chain? Clap if you know what I’m talking about.
You know if it’s still around you could sell it on E-bay! Really, you want to make a dollar?
I have seen CRAZY shit sold on E-bay, why not a boobie mushroom? I’ve seen crackers, safety pins, paper clips, you name it. Hey, it’s worth a try. Maybe you COULD make a few dollars. 
Perhaps this is what happens to Alice when she visits Wonderland too many times??
Zanna´s last blog ..Poll: When do you go to Disney?
I want to know what kind of fairy lives under a boob mushroom? Stripper fairy? Porn-star fairy? OB/GYN fairy? Plastic surgeon fairy?
The mind boggles.
Sherry
Sherry Carr-Smith´s last blog ..Presidential Brainwashing FTW!
Wait…are you standingup or squatting when you pee behind the pope? No seriously it seems like squatting would be cheating since you can hide behind his robes.
Great, smart, hilarious writing.
I love the picture but I love your description of the “picture taking” more! Hilarious!
Jane´s last blog ..Tunes for Tuesday – Sometime Around Midnight
it’s not a god, it’s your own descendants.they’ve got time machines and nanobot technology. they can go anywhere & anywhen whenever they like and create what they like. they mostly like to mess with us for a bubble. but what can you do? (a: try and be nice, like us they like nice people and are so nice to them).
the above is all true, i swear, i read it in a comic book.
jkhdfk´s last blog ..let’s hear it for science!
I’m kinda traumatized… but nevertheless entertained.
Mireille´s last blog ..Viva Las Vegas
Funniest I have read in forever… brilliant stream of laughter.
Ok you can TOTALLY dry this and sell it on ebay!!! Maybe you will become independently wealthy!!! I have to say I could not even read this …I was totally distracted (well and laughing so hard I nearly peed myself but that is not hard to do after three kids… sigh).
Amber Schmidt´s last blog ..September 14-20 is Invisible Illness Week.- Kyleigh’s Version
Oh my. Your posts tire me out and energize me at the same time, I laugh so hard. Am so glad you did not die today. I need you.
Thank you.
Caroline´s last blog ..Rescue Dad Sticker
That’s it…I’m coming over and cutting this thing up for a big mushroom sandwich. Let the fairies fend for themselves with the ‘regular’ mushrooms. ;D
The Pear Lady´s last blog ..Supporting the library challenge
Beware those faeries! They’re evil little feckers and if you squish their mushroom they’ll probably steal all your mail or paint moles on your face while you sleep..
Best to avoid their wrath and let the boobie mushrooom grow to full fruition and then buy it a d-cup bra
LOL
Paul OFlaherty´s last blog ..What XP Netbook Manufactures Aren’t Telling You?
It’s a poisonous boobie mushroom. That species (Chlorophyllum molybdites) will cause severe gastric distress and bloody diarrhea if consumed. In fact, it’s the most common cause of mushroom poisoning in the US.
I’m a mycologist, FYI. I just collected three boobie mushrooms on the lawn of a small church near Tallahassee, FL just two weeks ago.
There has got to be some way to preserve that titty!
tokenblogger´s last blog ..The four am blues…
It’s a poisonous boobie mushroom? Somehow that makes it so much better, right?
Susan´s last blog ..Susan says Yes
Put a pastie on it and a little bit of glitter and go tuck a buck under it.
LizzB (@hereslizz)´s last blog ..THE Most Embarrassing Moment!
I want to lick and suck your boob.
You totally deserved to be the person who found the magic boobie mushroom.
Anita´s last blog ..The Real Deal
You must find a way to preserve the fucking awesome mushroom boobage!!!
MadWoman´s last blog ..Random Tuesday – Guests, Driving and Gag Reflexes
neat
Does this mean that I haven’t found my own boob mushroom because my Grandma is bad? Cause if so, Thanksgiving dinner plans for this year just took a turn for the worse.
LS´s last blog ..Decisions, Decisions
That’s awesome! LOL
Olivia´s last blog ..You Must Act On Your Dreams
This post is so epic.
A co-worker of my husband’s once found a penis shaped mushroom. He called the cops thinking it was left over from murder…. Too funny!!!!
God does have a sense of humour people!
Best laugh in years. Right on girl.
cheryl mansson´s last blog ..Tracking
Wait, you walk the dog?
Peedee´s last blog ..You Really Should Read This Blog
You should have someone peeing behind you all the time anyway. It could be, like, your trademark.
mommica´s last blog ..Apologetic
A mushroom boobie?! Excellent. But where’s the other one?
Just when I thought that I couldn’t love you more…BOOBIE MUSHROOM!
On my way home from the dog park today I was getting out of the car and noticed my breasts were tender and sore. I thought “Hey, if this is cancer, I can blog about it!”
What is wrong with us!
Amy´s last blog ..Things I Hate About Myself Yet I Go on Living
Laughed so hard I cried. I needed that on a boring afternoon at work.
Why would a killer leave a bosom behind? Those are the best bits.
Mr Farty´s last blog ..Updated: Ezee-Keyzee
I can’t stop laughing at this–if you squish a mushroom fairies will kill you. It’s terrific. That’s the kind of veggies that typically sprout out in the middle of my yard…I’m off to check for body part-shaped fungi.
Daphne´s last blog ..Green Beans are good for you, M+Ms are good for me
This is by far the funniest post I have ever read on any blog!! I love you and your unconcern for obscenity in the name of comedy, and making me hold my poochy belly, crying laughing in my study!
This is just too awesome. It’s not everyday someone encounters the boob in it’s natural habitat.
I showed this to the Hubs and he’s all “that boob’s had work done, look at the color, that pink is all wrong”. He would know, he’s kind of the household boob expert.
Titty ’shrooms and Eva Peron. This is why I love you!
I totally stole your serial killer pic. More people have to read this. “Attacked by fairies,” brilliant.
cbullitt´s last blog ..If They’re Just Going To Pop Out Of The Ground, I Need More Mulch
One word… Nice
Wow. I found a Freudian Stem growing in some leaves the other day. Seriously … check out the mushroom in my yard. http://www.twitpic.com/gfl67
Rachelle´s last blog ..New Mexico Souffle
I had a Freudian Stem pop up in my yard last week. Check out this shroom …
I think that dead hobo is setting a trap for you so he can get his finger back.
Jen´s last blog ..Already?
The only thing I can say is OMG!!!!!
Jennifer´s last blog ..Football and left over spaghetti
My boobs totally look like that. Well, the left one anyway. And that’s because I have green hair on my chest.
Lizulfisa´s last blog ..4.28 minutes of musical bliss
Lucky you. My lawn sprouts male mushrooms: http://www.fungi4schools.org/Reprints/Photoset01/Phallus_impudicus_Stinkhorn.jpg
Obviously you are in a good luck phase of your biorhythms or something, so I’m thinking you need to go buy a lottery ticket today. Who finds this stuff, huh? Jenny The-gonna-win-the-lotto-Bloggess, that’s who.
Velma´s last blog ..He’s A Sneaky Little Bugger With A Scary-Good Vocabulary
Boobie mushrooms?
I’ve never seen such a thing.
I find myself feeling oddly jealous of your boob mushrooms. What a marvelous thing to have growing in your yard… and a hilarious conversation piece!
Kimi´s last blog ..What For Art Thou Inderal?
This may be the
onlybest reason for living in SE Texas; we need to alert the person in charge of tourism marketing… Boob Mushrooms! HA Top THAT Paris!Aria’z Ink´s last blog ..My Childhood Keeps Dying
I think you should pick it and pin it on your sweater and when people stop and stare you could be all, “What? Is my extra boob hanging out again? I notice YOU don’t have an extra boob. How sad for you. I’ll have my granny say a prayer for you so maybe God will send you one.”
-or-
You should totally stuff your bra with it, and then Victor goes to feel you up spores would explode out all of the place and you could be all, “Damn, my granny told me that would happen if I let a man feel my boobs. Great. Now there’s boob spores all over the place.”
How come I never find a boob mushroom when I have writer’s block? NO FAIR!
Anna´s last blog ..Goodbye Jello Salad..Hello 80s
That’s better than the Jesus someone found in their dog’s ass. Seriously, the anus was Jesus’ head. Also, the dog was a pug so maybe it was a sign for you specifically. Maybe God really is trying to tell you something. Or, possibly someone photoshopped a picture of Jesus onto a dog’s butt. That’s probably more likely. Either way, check it out: http://www.dhadm.com/content/butt-plug-jesus/
blissfully caffeinated´s last blog ..Because it’s funny, dammit.
I don’t believe in God coz he broke my toaster, just cos I said on twitter that Easter had pagan origins. So your boobie mushroom is probably from Astarte or Venus or some other goddess: I thiink they have about a zillion boobies. it might even be a spare 1 they’ve given you. God giving you RA then a mushroom boobie? NO WAY. It’s a boobie goddess!
Drolgerg´s last blog ..Agony With Aunty Drolgerg
insanely hilarious!!
I read this book by Stephen King called, “Lisey’s Story” and in it the main female character got part of her boob removed with a hand-turn CAN OPENER.
Which is exactly what you’d expect in a SK book.
And exactly what I thought about when I read this post. “Oh, lookee there. Someone’s can-openered off their boob.”
I’m thinking, you could sell tiny pieces of it (you know, like a speck) to women who are hoping to grow better boobs. You know, like a natural alternative to breast augmentation!!!! See, God wanted to make you RICH by giving you that boobie mushroom! You can grow decendents of it, and sell their genetic material to the scientific world! Before you know it, you’ll be having the next Billy Mays selling it on TV commercials for $19.95…but wait..they’ll even throw in some extra dirt and MOSS to grow the things in, all for one low price!! I can just see it now. Women who are sitting up late at night watching breast augmentations on Discovery Health will see the commercial and in their desperation, each one will order like 50 boobie mushrooms. Ok, I’m going to go out in the rain and do some shroom hunting. Maybe I can find an erect penis-shaped shroom?
Leah´s last blog ..A boobie kind of blog
You’re my new hero! The very ground you walk on spouts mammillary glands! Like the milk of the Bloggess. And also you made me laugh so hard my gallstones started hurting.
pixielation´s last blog ..beetle on a sunflower
I found lawn nipples in my yard, and had to post too:
http://adinajp.blogspot.com/2009/10/lawn-nipples.html
Adina´s last blog ..Lawn Nipples
Hilarious blog!
Brilliant! And linked.
cmblake6´s last blog ..TITTEH!!!!!!!!!!!!