It’s Sunday which means it’s time for my weekly wrap-up:
This week on Ask the Bloggess:
- Sexomnia: No one’s falling for it, asshole.
- I was on a lot of drugs when I wrote this but it’s still vaguely valid.
This week on my sex column (which is satirical and relatively safe for work if your boss isn’t a douche canoe):
This week on the internets:
This week on Good Mom/Bad Mom on the Houston Chronicle:
This week on shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:
- If Murdered. If you die, make sure you have a voice.
- Axe Cop. ”That 5 year old writes better than you do.” Thanks Victor.
- Flawless.
This week’s wrap-up sponsored by the teams at Mamavation & EarthFootwear who probably spent the day rescuing drowning kittens.
{ 30 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m leaving the first comment here to say that yes, I’m accepting sponsorships for the weekly round-up but the deal is that I get to write whatever I want about the sponsors. It’s really a terrible idea. And also a very entertaining one. To me. Probably not so much to the people sponsoring the weekly wrap-up.
Would you like to sponsor a weekly wrap-up? No. No, you really don’t.
Don’t feel bad Jenny. That five year old writes better than all of us.
I haven’t even clicked on the link and I’m super-curious what Mamavation is. I hope it’s a movement that inspires smoking-hot chicks to have intercourses with lonely guys under the guise of procreation.
Maybe I need to quit reading “Penthouse Forum” so much.
Bad Guy Zero´s last blog ..This Strip Mall Has It All
On that five-year old…well, duh…if they don’t outdo the parents, the kid doesn’t make it off the playground.
The Pear Lady´s last blog ..What Do Your Books Say About You?
Okay, now I have to start saving up so I can buy a wrap-up too. Or maybe some shoes from the company that saves drowning kittens. Those both sound like good investments.
I scored above average. I’m definitely insulted. Or you’re all prudes. THIS IS AMERICA! Maybe I should have submitted myself from another country…
Amy´s last blog ..WTF GAP
Erm, what exactly would be involved in a sponsorship?
Steve´s last blog ..#125 Truth in Advertising
Okay. Victor and I need to have a talk. A serious discussion, if you will, about the fact that it is NOT okay to tell people that you love, or who love you, in this case preferably both, that something or someone is better than them at whatever they do.
I don’t care who does this. Parents, boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses, friends, children, aunts, uncles, random strangers on the street, that weird guy who hangs out in the tree next door, I don’t care. NEVER TELL SOMEONE THAT THEY DON’T DO SOMETHING WELL ENOUGH OR THAT SOMEONE ELSE DOES IT BETTER THAN THEY DO!
Especially don’t tell this to writers. Don’t ever, EVER tell this to writers. Because once you say something like that enough, we start to believe it. Victor and I are gonna have a come to Jesus meeting sometime soon if this keeps up.
*growl*
(hopefully your readers understand that I am not making a threat. Hopefully.)
Everytime I go to a baby shower, I feel like I’m in Groundhog Day. The best baby shower I went to was one thrown by the gay Puerto Rican grandfather to be, with an open bar and his brothers in straw hats and suits hitting on all the girls. It has ruined me for all baby showers to come.
Bridget´s last blog ..I have watched my quota of Fox News for the year.
LOVE that Mona Lisa picture. Absolutely love it! It’s so much better with your face, it’s a shame da Vinci didn’t have you available. (Oh, btw, did you hear the latest theory that it’s really a painting of himself in drag? ) Fave Photoshop EVAH!
Seriously, how much does it cost to sponsor the weekly round up? I am really interested.
in other non-sponsoered news The Bloggess Code will one day become an award winning book and movie that “true” Christians will come to protest and the rest of us will not care about hte religous implications.
Also my favorite swear is now “Jenny H Bloggess” ..Please change your middle name to something like Horatio or Hester because that would be cool.
William´s last blog ..Bedtime
Ugh. Who wasn’t on twitter too much this week. I need to install parental controls on myself.
Do you accept sponsorship in kind?
Just checking. Not that I am volunteering anything.
LCM x
London City Mum´s last blog ..Ending the week on a high and loving note
Having weekly sponsors doesn’t mean that you are not drinking mint juleps or champagne cocktails any more, does it? That would be very disappointing.
A Vapid Blonde´s last blog ..Sensible Shoes Are Not For Spies
A sponsorship is $250 a post and I get to write whatever I want about you. It’s a dangerous proposition at best.
Real sponsorships where I regurgitate a boring, pre-made company slogan are also available. They are 5 billion dollars each. Unless you pay in advance for the month. Then they’re $4.5 billion dollars each. Because that’s how professional business people do it.
This is totally unrelated, but I saw this and thought of you right away.
http://manbabies.com/popular
manbabies. amazing.
You should tell Victor that if you read the “About” page carefully, it turns out that the five year old “writes” the stories in the sense that all the details are in his head and his 30 year old brother just asks him tons of questions until the details come out, and then big brother organizes them into a story. So, basically, the five year old “writes” the stories the same way that most over-achieving third graders “make” their own Science Fair Projects — which is to say, “thanks for the project, Dad! What’s this weather-pressure gizmo thingy called again, in case the teacher asks?”
MommyTime´s last blog ..When A Six-Year-Old Asks
I feel the need to mention that there was just a Super Bowl commercial in which a beaver was fiddling for a bunch of people, followed by a group of men fishtailing a car to return an Orca whale back out to sea. I hope you are as confused as I am.
People pay you to probably write something of questionable benefit to their business? Sweet.
annie´s last blog ..I Am Not an Evil Stepmother
I’ve said it before. I’ll say it again. I covet your mad graphic skillz. All I can do in life is fit two raw eggs in my mouth simultaneously. Sigh.
Elly Lou´s last blog ..Kingston by Starlight
That photo of you is stunning. I love it.
amy2boys´s last blog ..Click
Oh. My. God. I am so jealous that i didnt come up with the “If murdered” site…That is the coolest thing i’ve ever seen. Ever.
Levon´s last blog ..A bitch, pure evil and a rapist walk into a room…
I agree with Amy2boys – I love the Mona Lisa Bloggess portrait!
Lynn from For Love or Funny´s last blog ..I can handle 21 inches
in fairness, i bet 5 year olds write shitty sex columns
furiousball´s last blog ..2 hour delays
Mona LISA…..Mona LISA. Seriously how much more blatent could you be that you would rather be me. It’s just because I’m so awesome.
I’ve been here about 4 times now on this post alone and only just now realized that the Mona Lisa looks an awful lot like you. I guess I’m not very artsy, since I didn’t notice that before!
Littlemissenglishteacher´s last blog ..Introducing: Liam Michael
I can’t believe you interviewed Nina Hartley. My wife is jealous, but it’s probably all for the best because she would have just ended up making out with her.
jdg´s last blog ..A brief rant about my tone deaf family
It’s Tuesday, which means I am really slow getting around to reading this.
~EdT.
EdT.´s last blog ..‘Tis the Season for Attack Ads
And yet, I can actually see companies pay good $$$$MONEY$$$$$ to have you ridicule them. You know, “any exposure is good exposure” and all that.
Too bad I didn’t think of this first…
~EdT.
EdT.´s last blog ..Foodie Friday – More CAKE BALLS!
So apparently it’s actually a kind of bad idea to read Axe Cop when you’re delirious from a fever and everyone else in the house is sleeping because they’ll wake up and stomp into your room all like “Stop laughing you crazy bitch” but their hair is all messed up so it just makes you laugh more which doesn’t improve their mood.
Jessa´s last blog ..Faux-tography