Check-Out-This-Shit-I-Made-Tuesday

So on Black Friday you’re supposed to go shopping, but for people like me who panic in crowds that’s like saying you can get 20% off a sweater but the sweater is stored in a big box of live spiders.  Then there was Small Business Saturday which everyone ignores because small businesses don’t have enough money to promote themselves.  Then yesterday was CyberMonday when things online go on sale but it’s never what you want.  I don’t know what today is supposed to be so let’s call it Check-Out-This-Shit-I-Made-Tuesday and you can promote anything awesome you made in the comments.  Link to the best thing you’ve ever written, or to your book that needs more eyes on it, or to your art that you sell on etsy, or the taxidermied mice you dress in clothing, or the painting or photo you created but never showed anyone because you weren’t sure it was worth showing.  If you made it, put a link or picture in the comments (with a sentence telling what it is so people will know what they’re getting into).

I’ll go first.  I made a haunted dollhouse filled with allusions to my favorite stories years ago.  It took me a year just to build it and another five to furnish it and it’s still not done.  Some of the stuff in the house is bought but at least half I made myself or broke apart, bastardized, repainted, etc.  I created secret tunnels and tiny books and stitched tiny rugs and learned how to make miniature wigs and sculpt dragons.

dollhousebloggess

Your turn.

PS.  Also, five seconds after I posted this I read on twitter that it’s also Giving Tuesday, so after you check this stuff out then maybe consider giving to a worthy cause.  Or give someone a compliment.  Or give me a fist-bump.  Whatever works for you.  Have you checked out World Builders?  Because it’s awesome and worthy of your attention.  I’m buying a goat in your honor right now.  I don’t know if we get to name the goat, but if so I say we call him “Mr. Pumpernickel” because it’s fun to say.

I think spellcheck just broke up with me.

There’s this girl online named Gemma Correll who draws pictures of cats and pugs and anxiety and stuff, and when I saw her illustrated map of an introvert’s heart I was like “Yep.  It’s just like this.  Except add more twitter.”

gemmacorrell

Then I went on twitter and followed her and tried to send her a tweet

g6

…but spellcheck was like “‘Friends?’  Nope.  I don’t think so.”  And I thought, “Am I spelling ‘friends’ wrong?” so I clicked on it and spellcheck was like, “Maybe you should look up ‘friends’ because you keep using that word and I don’t think it means what you think it means.”  

g4

So then I was like, “Fine, spellcheck.  I don’t what your deal is but if it makes you happy I’ll look it up,” and spellcheck was like, “Great.  Because it means this: It means you’re asking someone to like you who isn’t even related to you.”

g3

…and I was like, “Yeah.  I already knew that.  Why are you doing this?  I can have friends.”  And the spellcheck was like, “Yeah, you’re obviously not getting it.  Why don’t I give you some suggestions?…

g2

  …Did you maybe mean ‘fiends’?  Did you mean that you should be ‘fiends’ with this girl?  Because that makes more sense.”  And I was like “WHAT IN THE SHIT ARE YOU IMPLYING?” and spellcheck was like, “Well, I just…I know you.  And I’m trying to help.  Why don’t you just look up ‘fiends’ just in case?”  

g1

And then I was like “Wow.  Thanks, spellcheck.  I almost asked someone to be my friend when apparently what I really meant to say was, ‘Hey.  Love your work.  We should be  THE  DEVIL.’  Thanks for saving me from that near-catastrophe!”  And then spellcheck was like, “Whatever.  You don’t have to be sarcastic.  I was just trying to help you.”  And then I felt bad.  

And then I wrote this blog post and it’s basically one terrible run-on sentence but spell-check isn’t saying anything about it so I’m pretty sure that means spellcheck isn’t speaking to me anymore.  I think we’re in a fight and I suspect spellcheck is breaking up with me.  Hopefully we can still be friends fiends.

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And now, the weekly wrap-up of awesomeness:

SID3

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-awesome:

Shit you should buy or steal because it’s awesome:

This week‘s wrap-up is brought to you by the fantastic Kelly Exeter at A Life Less Frantic. If 2014 hasn’t treated you very well, then her short and sweet little book Your Best Year Yet can help turn things around for you in 2015.  She’s so confident of this, she’ll give you your money back if it doesn’t happen.  I bought a copy myself this afternoon and I’ve already underlined a few parts that I really needed to hear.  You should check it out here.

It takes a surprising amount of intelligence to be this stupid.

Victor and I are both giant fans of all things sci-fi but it drives him nuts that I once *cough*  mixed up the names of Star Trek and Star Wars, so now I do it on purpose.  This lead to a series of text messages I sent him today which he did not think were funny.  I disagree.  I think they are very funny but only if you get all of the weird, mangled references to Firefly, Battlestar Galactica, Star Wars, Star Trek, Buck Rogers, etc.  If you don’t watch these shows then you won’t find this funny because you won’t understand it.  If you do watch these shows you probably won’t find this funny because you’ll be screaming at me for fucking them up so badly.  Either way, everyone loses.  But it makes me laugh so I’m posting it.  I’m so, so sorry.

*****

textbloggess

Just get through Thanksgiving.

Tomorrow I’ll be spending Thanksgiving with my in-laws.  I never cook anything because I can’t operate a stove without the smoke alarm going off but I did offer to make the turkey this year just so I could make this:

cthurkey

It’s a Cthurkey and it was invented in Texas, because ofcourseitwas.

My offer was declined for some reason.

Another year of not cooking.  Everyone wins.

 

Compassion is painful. That’s how you know it’s working.

I’m sad about last night for a lot of reasons.  And if you are human, and allow yourself to be so, then you probably are too.  Maybe it’s the verdict that upset you, or the destruction afterwards, or the long and difficult path that has led us here and has shown us we have so much further to go before we get to the place where we want to be…a place where kindness and compassion and vulnerability are the things which can be lauded and seen and encouraged and felt.  Or maybe, like me, you’re upset about all of those things and you feel too defeated to want to care anymore.

But if you’re like me, you can’t switch those emotions off.  It’s so much easier to turn those feelings of vulnerability and hurt into a shield of rage.  Rage feels powerful and strong.  It feels good.  And rage is important.  But not at the cost of compassion.  If, like me, today you woke up weary and wanting to become numb, or turn away, or lash out angrily at everyone involved then I feel you.  But I encourage you to keep compassion at the forefront.  Remember humanity.  Remember that your words and actions make a difference.  Remember that the majority of us are so much better than the worse things we see in the news, and that so many of us are leading a quiet revolution to be kind, and compassionate, and to listen to the hurt, and amplify the things that will make a positive difference in our world.  It’s a quiet revolution that will never be covered on CNN.  It’s a movement of people who redirect anger to kindness.  Who listen even when it’s painful.  Who take the hurt of others on ourselves and feel it so that we can become better people.  Who wade into horrible online threads and inject compassion and reason because we know that it can become contagious if done the right way.  Who hope that reason and empathy will somehow lead to a place which is safer for our children and grandchildren.

Yesterday someone sent me this photo and it’s stayed with me, and it helped.  If you’re like me, maybe it’ll help you too.

hope

“Could a greater miracle take place than for us to look through each other’s eyes for an instant? ~ Henry David Thoreau

I don’t usually write about serious things like this because I think of this blog as a place for us to get away from the crazy bullshit of the world.  A place to laugh and heal and be ridiculous.  But sometimes healing comes in different ways and I need to write this so I can let go of some of this angst and refocus on what positive things I can do next.  Like donating to the Ferguson Library, which has served as a quiet sanctuary for so many children and adults.

Tomorrow we’ll be back to ridiculous cat pictures and possibly a story about an alligator in my toilet.  And tomorrow we’ll still feel compassion for the people who are struggling, and will continue to do our best to enact positive changes in our own ways.

I hope to God both of those things are true.

EVERY day is Cat Day

Apparently National Cat Day was October 29th and I missed it, so I guess that explains why Ferris Mewler threw up in my shoe.  In my defense, it was just World Cat Day in August.  Why do cats need so many days?  No clue.  But to make up for whatever I did to offend the cats I’m sharing the pictures I took of Ferris Mewler, who was ignoring me badly in spite of the fact that he would starve without me:

NOPE

Is it just me or is he flipping me off in that last picture?  Because I think he is.

This is exactly why people prefer dogs, Ferris.

 

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And now, the weekly wrap-up of awesomeness:

SID3

Shit I made in my shop (Named “EIGHT POUNDS OF UNCUT COCAINE” so that your credit card bill will be more interesting.):

Shit that I’m vaguely involved with on the internets:

Shit-I-didn’t-come-up-with-but-wish-I-did-because-it’s-kind-of-awesome:

Shit you should buy or steal because it’s awesome:

This week‘s wrap-up is brought to you by Crumple + Toss, who are perfect for your holiday stationery needs. Everything from typical Christmas fare: nativities, poinsettias, and the like, to irreverent and hilarious selections guaranteed to offend.  This one is a personal fave.  Christmas not your jam? There’s plenty of Chanukah cards as well as “Happy Whatever” to cover your ass in awkward situations.  Come have a look around!

The things you don’t know might just bite you in the…well, not the ass, exactly.

Last week I was discussing the taint with my friends (as you do) and wondered aloud how that part of your body even got a name and one of my friends was like, “Seriously?  Because it t’aint your butthole and it t’aint your genitals.”  And I just sat there with my mind blown because I HAD NO IDEA.

This is exactly what friends are for.  To help you with your taint.  Not literally though.  Being a friend means never having to physically help with someone else’s taint. That should go on a greeting card.

Anyway, I was just thinking about all of the other things that I don’t know that are common knowledge and I wish I had a list of them but I don’t because I don’t know them yet.  So if you have any super-obvious things you found out much later than everyone else please share them here because that way I’ll feel better about myself and maybe we’ll all learn something.

The more you know…

PS. I just made my newest educational stationary:

card