Note that he doesn’t even say “Hello”

My husband calls me at work all the time and most of the time I just let it go to voicemail.  Here’s why:

*ring*

Me:  This is Jenny.

Victor:  Hey, why don’t they make chocolate slurpees? 

Me:  Um…what?

Victor:  Chocolate slurpees.  Why don’t they exist?

Me:  They do.  They’re called Mocha Frappuccinos.   

Victor:  Nope.  Not the same thing.  Frappuccino’s don’t have that little spoon on the end of the straw like slurpees do. 

Me:   Those are Icees, not slurpees. 

Victor:  Next time I go into Starbucks I’m going to be all, “I want a spoon on my straw, a-hole!”  How else are you gonna get that little last bit in the bottom, huh?  Spoon straw!

Me:  ?

Victor:  They need to join forces, 7-11 and Starbucks.

Me:  Mochaslurpeeccino?

Victor:  Or maybe a slurpamachiato. Now that would be an Unholy Union. 

Me:  So did you actually need something from me or…?

Victor:  Doo-Doo, Wa-Wa. 

Me:  Huh.  What was that? 

Victor:  That’s my Anti-Christ music.

Me:  Of course it is.

**********

Bubba update:  He’s home and he seems much happier but he still can’t use his back legs although his thighs are starting to work more, and the purple foot is way pinker.  Yay!  He’ll be living in our bathtub for the next 6 weeks.  If he can’t get back at least one leg by then we’ll put him down.  And before you judge me, it’s a garden tub, so yeah, it’s pretty swanky.  Also, we had him shaved so he’ll be easier to clean.  Mindy was all “Oh God, you aren’t going to show your poor, shaved tub-cat on your blog are you?” and the answer is:  Of course I’m going to show my shaved, paralyzed tub-cat on my blog.  That’s pretty much what blogs are made for.  I’m surprised you didn’t know this.

bubbakins.jpg

72 thoughts on “Note that he doesn’t even say “Hello”

Read comments below or add one.

  1. Tell your husband to just take some extra spaws (stroons?) from the quickie mart and keep them stocked for his trips to Starbucks. Like you’ve got nothing to do but solve his world problems on your blog?! You’ve got an ass-bald cat to care for!

    DD’s last blog post..no. 585 – Pick a Winner

  2. Your Husband is a phenomenal thinker and I would follow him to heck and back about a Slurpeemachiato.
    As for Bubba, it’s not funny, but it’s funny. I’m glad he is doing better.

  3. Glad Bubba is home and making your life oh so much easier! Maybe he just needs a slurmouseiatto or something like that!

    Thanks for the laugh, Jenny.

  4. Aw, poor angry shaved tub-cat. I hope he keeps getting better.

    And your husband has a good point. I guess Starbucks thinks they’re too fancy for spoon straws… Pretentious pigs.

    claire’s last blog post..2007 Year End Meme!

  5. Bubba! I am unhealthily obsessed with your health updates. Also your owner, but whatever. Feel better, smush face.

  6. in my experience, persians are pretty darn happy with a lion clip: they get loads of attention for their weirdness and they snuggle close. i think bubba looks slammin’.

    oh, and why is it that it’s GUYS who are always after the girliest damned drinks at Starbucks?

  7. My husband and I have those conversations via email, or text message. I swear, teaching him to text was both the best and worst thing I ever did. As usual, y’all’s conversation cracked me up. You’re right re: the frappuccino totally already being a chocolate slurpee, btw.

    I am glad to see that Bubba is home with his mama and doing a little better. He looks very handsome with his new buzz cut. 😛

  8. That conversation is hilarious. Slurpamachiato, hah! (You guys should trademark that right now so you can claim your big money later.)

    Glad to see Bubba is home and recovering.

    Nancy’s last blog post..Some progress

  9. Such conversations are a good indication why it would be a Very Bad Thing(TM) to go off and sell people caffeine concentrate in a 44oz cup.
    Besides, I think Sbux tried the death-by-chocolate drink some time back. Just looking at it too intently could give you diabetes!

    Oh, and didn’t I see Disgruntled Bubba in a movie several years ago?

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Oops…

  10. Bubba cannot be sulking about the shave because he looks too fab.I know cats know when they look fab.

    I believe that is the classic “no photos because your camera sucks the soul from my body” expression popular with cats and small children directly related to me.

    I’m glad he’s home, in all seriousness and hope he improves. (hugs) to you because we love our pets.

    I’d get a slurpamachiato. With spoon straw. Although…maybe a spork straw, because I like the kind with stuff added in, like at Sonic on Valentine’s Day (brownie bites and cherries).

    Julie Pippert’s last blog post..Twitter-do or don’t: 5 Reasons why I haven’t “Got Social Media?”

  11. Victor’s insane…you should upload your voice mails for an audio blog.

    And Bubba? And the “shaved ‘cat'” comments…

    oh, my…visually, verbally HEE-LAIR-EE-OUS!!!

    Robin’s last blog post..Bacon Tomato Cups

  12. Slurpees are vile. Icees are the bomb though. An Iceemochachino, now there’s something the world is missing out on. Oh, and I think you, Victor, Hailey, and Posey should all shave off all your hair too. You know, like a show of support.

  13. At least your husband calls you from work. I have to call mine to find out ANYTHING. (like are you going to be home today?) And then when we are done talking my husband always says to me “Thanks for calling” like I’m some old acquaintance.

    Karmyn R’s last blog post..Weekly Delight – Caught in the Act

  14. Thank god cat’s don’t have that whole opposable thumb thing going for them. If they did I’m sure they’d figure out how to take pictures of us as payback for all of the time we took pictures of them when when they were in compromising positions.

    When ever my husband threatens to shave our cat I warn him that they’ll pay him back by pooping in his shoes. The whole pooping in shoes thing seems to have caught on, so now whenever a cat wants something (ie the bathtub turned on for a little drinky drink) and we refuse their meows the other person immediately shouts POOP IN YOUR SHOES!

    Yes, we clearly need help. Further confirmed by my intentions to show this picture of Bubba to my husband as he seems to have fallen in love with that vacuum cleaner commercial where the husband says “well, you can’t shave a cat.”

    I don’t know what it is with my husband and shaving pussies. *cough*

  15. Furiousball’s comment made me snort cupcake up my nose. Thanks, man.

    So today I was driving Tacy to kindergarten, and we passed a woman walking a dog in some semblance of a dog wheelchair. The dog’s hind legs were strapped into this wheeled contraption, and he was walking with his front legs. Of course Tacy was fascinated (and saddened, sensitive little thing) by the sight, but her big question was “Do they make those for cats too?”

    Which in turn made me think of Bubba. Because if you can find a cat-sized version of that same wheeled contraption, I think he’ll be good to go.

    mothergoosemouse’s last blog post..Cupcakes, balloons, and party hats – it’s finally time!

  16. Bubba, in spite of that sour look, looks pretty good with his shaved body. The little lion tail is too cute. I used to shave my brother (body builder, parts he couldn’t reach).

    Victor? It’s a man-thing. My husband comes off the wall with weird stuff like that too…

    Sayre’s last blog post..From My Mouth to Your Ears

  17. I missed the post about Bubba too, so I was unable to adequately “read” his expression in this latest photo. Luckily for me it looks like the expressions he has in all the other pics and so his…uh…untimely incapacitation sort of explains what’s going on. He looks to be in a foul humor.

    “Miss Kitty” Beaverhausen’s last blog post..Happiness All Up In Here

  18. Hello.

    This is totally irrelevant to your topic, but thank you for stopping by my LiveJournal and giving your kind words. It’s nice to know that even a total stranger cares about my existence. I’m speechless, and it made me feel that little bit better about myself.

    Thank you very much.

    ~ Takato

  19. I was going to post a comment about the cat wheelchair but mothergoosemouse beat me to it. People seem to feel really strongly about cat/dog wheelchairs – they either love them or hate them. I think they’re cool. Anyway, if you just type “paralyzed cat cart” (without the quotes, of course) into google, it gives you a bunch of websites that have these carts for cats, and also some youtube videos.

    NewDuck’s last blog post..The object of my desire

  20. Oh man, I hope he does ok! And I’m pretty sure Todd would tell you that I’ve called him at work with similar stories to tell. So except for the penis thing and all – I would say Victor and I might be kind of alike.

    Lotta’s last blog post..Mommy Rescue

  21. You know, he has a point about the spoon-straw. There’s be a lot less of those awful vacuum-y noises in Starbucks in the summer if they’d just put out for the spoon-straws.

    And I’m glad your tub cat is on the mend – hope he soon surprises you by springing out of the tub and landing on your lap just when you learn to ignore him and go to the bathrom without eying him nervously.

    kittenpie’s last blog post..And the Beat Goes On

  22. Hi Jenny,

    Long time reader, first time commenter.(?)

    I do believe that Icee has some sort of frozen coffee concoction now. I remember seeing an ad for it at the Valero corner store last night.

    I immediately thought of your husband.

    That sounded wrong.
    You know what I mean.

    Love your blog.
    You crack me up.

  23. I never thought about the straw spoon…his got a really good point there.

    Awww poor pussy cat. Glad he is getting better.

    Thanks for the laugh. love it.

  24. Mochaslurpeeccino?

    LOVE IT!

    You and husband both are so hilarious! I stumbled on your site by accident but I love what I’ve read so far…

  25. I wish my hubby would call me to murmur hilarious nothings in my ear. I get a text sometimes… does that count?
    ps luv yr blog

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