Bizarre voicemail I got from my husband this morning:
“There’s no ‘I’ in threesome, Jenny. You’ve gotta just forget yourself. Stop being so goddamn selfish.”
It’s gonna be a great day.
MY BOOKS:
Subscribe to the bloggess, y'all.
Archives
MY INSTAGRAM
ALL THE COOL KIDS ADVERTISE HERE:
I fucking love these people & not just because they support my wine-slushee habit:
There is an I in vibrator, seriously, look it up.
furiousball’s last blog post..i hate my mouth
Threesome? I think I need to have a little talk with Victor…
Sayre’s last blog post..Fun Monday Assignment for February 18th
So Victor’s into TEAM contact sports?
This post has gotta be true…no one can make this stuff up!
Robin’s last blog post..Putting the FUN in Fun Monday
Victor and my husband would definitely get along. 🙂
thordora’s last blog post..I have a new love.
So, all you have to do is reword it, thusly:
“Honey, you are invited to watch Min’s pool boy get it on with me.”
See? No “I” in the threesome, just as he said…
~EdT.
Ed T.’s last blog post..ED Action Moment: 17.Feb.08
“There is an I in vibrator.” I just shit my pants laughing so hard.
Nikki’s last blog post..Fun Monday: Happy Anniversary Edition
There’s one in “divorce” too, but using it in a sentence might send the wrong message.
AB’s last blog post..Sunday “To Do ” List
Did you point out that there’s no “we” or “us” in threesome either?
-R-‘s last blog post..In Honor of Presidents? Day
“No I in threesome”, great song by Interpol, I hope he’s referring to that!
*clicks tongue*
And here I am thinking how SHARING and GENEROUS you were being to think about a three…..if that’s what he really wants…..
I’ll stop now.
daysgoby’s last blog post..I may never be a real grown-up
Does he know about our sixsome? There’s an I in that!
Simply Jenn’s last blog post..Today I went to a women’s college basketball game
Jenn – You were in a sixsome? Details, please.
If you really want to know the rules of a threesome, and not go to hell, click this link.
http://www.sexinchrist.com/threesome.html
Lotta’s last blog post..Mullet?
I googled “threesome” to see what I could find – the first hit was on a site called http://www.askmen.com. Rule #3? Keep yourself busy. So, be sure to let Victor know that if he feels he’s being ignored in the process then he simply needs to keep himself busy. “Just forget yourself?” Honestly!
Er…um…speakerphone?? See now, I don’t leave voicemails. I do send emails to my husband at work. I will often randomly write BLOW JOB in my sentences to 1.) see if he’s paying attention and 2.) freak out whoever may be looking over his shoulder.
Greta’s last blog post..5 in 5
Just forget yourself already okay!
doahleigh’s last blog post..Why I support who I support
There is an I in “I don’t care what you say. I am not being selfish. I am taking care of myself so that everyone else stays happy.”
There is an “eye” in Spam. Along with various other rendered parts.
Spamboy’s last blog post..Updates for February 17, 2008
Would you be Krissy or Janet?
Jeff’s last blog post..The Dumbest Collection Call Ever
I think that may be the greatest thing I have ever read. Well, other than some of the other posts I have read. The letter I does not appear in a lot of words, it’s more common than say, U or X, but not as common as A or E or S. I guess you could always commend him for his knowledge of letter value in the English language.
Michael’s last blog post..Monsters everywhere
There is no ‘i’ in Jenny, either, vIctor. Who’s the selfish one now? Huh, huh?
Sandy’s last blog post..President’s Day, U.S.
There is no “I” in “Batswana;” however, there are like twelve “I”‘s in Mississippi, or four. And as we all know, Mississippi is the birth place of the 3some.
Yes, I’m always careful when I get one of those machine voices as I’m never quite sure I’m in the right place. [coward] So I usually redial just to be on the safe side before I leave my message.
Cheers
Maddy’s last blog post..AAP
Jenny, how quickly you forget our theoretical love sextupangle (huh?). You, me, my cleaning lady and everyone’s husbands. Not an I in that entire sentence. But TOTALLY and I when added all together to make our sixsome.
Or did you mean that one time in college…..?
Simply Jenn’s last blog post..Today I went to a women’s college basketball game
HI I came over from Mom-o-matic (Any post with “threesome” in it ought to be good 🙂
Too funny, your response could have been, “You’re right, but I get to pick the other guy.”
I have a couple people who will no longer check voice mail on speaker because of me 🙂
g-man’s last blog post..The sickies are back
I’m a little curious as to why he was thinking about this on a Monday morning.
Sauntering Soul’s last blog post..Fun Monday – Turns out, my part of Atlanta is not full of funny signs.
Now, that’s what I call Fun Monday. V needs to mind his Ps and Qs.
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..The one with the butt probe?
Victor is so uninvited to our next gathering.
Unless he writes a book report that proves he read all Cosmo articles ever published that prove selfish women=happy women.
🙂
Julie Pippert’s last blog post..Almost Famous
If that strategy works, I’m going to start a religion to worship your husband so he can show us the path to fulfillment.
“Come and follow me,” sayeth the Lord Victor. “I am the way, the truth, the meat in a Bloggess sandwich.”
Amen.
Suddenly wanting to be picked as one of Greta’s and g-Man’s best friends! ROFL.
Jenny – you should never include your spouse in a 3some… always causes too much trouble with “I”.
well, I hate to say he’s right…
So I won’t.
flutter’s last blog post..In the shadow of dreams
There is an “I” in menage a trois.
Avitable’s last blog post..Days of Blunder
you are selfish. i mean, honestly, i’d settle for a two-some.
There is an “I” in selfish.
reminds me of a stupid kids joke…..
What do you call a fish with no eye?
FSH. Doesn’t work that well in print.
Catizhere’s last blog post..Two posts in one day! It’s a freakin’ lenten miracle
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Thanks Jenny! I needed that more than you know.
Houston’s last blog post..Cali
Um. Question.
Why is it that all the really interesting people are crazy, but not all the crazies are interesting?
Mr Farty’s last blog post..Birthday Boy
Hilarious!!
Sounds like something my husband would say to me.
But then, it also sounds like something I would say to my husband.
Redneck Mommy’s last blog post..Don’t Blink
I think I’d be tempted to respond with, “I sure as hell don’t see U in threesome EITHER!”
or “there’s a whole lotta I in ASS KICKIN’!”
I don’t know if they’re actually RELEVANT responses, but they make My day!
Original post – excellent.
Comments – priceless.
🙂
Gaddamn. Furiousball read my freaking mind….
That’s what I get for sleeping and not stalking you.
Kelley’s last blog post..Boo’s homework.
Shit. I want to leave a witty comment, but there’s no way I can top “there’s an I in vibrator.” I think I’ll go surf around the “Christian Rules for Sex” site instead. Then I’ll check out Mr. Farty, because the name makes me giggle. I’m pretty immature like that.
You not only have the best blog, you have the best comments too!
zenmomma’s last blog post..Toot McGroot and his all pachyderm marching band
Dude, my husband would totally leave me a message like that. Or better yet, send it to my work email for the IT guys to get some vicarious thrills.
LawyerMama’s last blog post..The Electric Kool-Aid Effexor Trip
there is an i in icky too. (oh, wait, is my prudishness showing? there’s an i in THAT too!)
janet’s last blog post..Roo. Just my Roo
I miss your other blog for a coupla months and return to find it’s become Studio 54.
Far out!!
I believe my ex said something very similar to me. Although maybe it was more literal. er…yyyyeah.
Defiantmuse’s last blog post..The Revolution Will Not Be Televised
Is there some sort of menage a trois planned for the evening?
You might mention there won’t be an “I” in husband once you gouge his out with a spoon.
Candy’s last blog post..Post-Op
I love your conversations with Victor.
Love them!
Hatchet’s last blog post..Bite me!
WTH?
lmao
number one way to cure the threesome fantasy? find a picture of the fattest, nastiest naked or half naked woman you can find, send it in an email to vitor saying “i finally found someone to have a threesome with us! she’ll be over at 8 tonight. what do you think?!”
Biddy’s last blog post..there is NO way this can be true
Does your husband hang out with my husband? Over there in hopeless fantasyland?
Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..Wanna Toke?
There is an O in threesome… and isnt the “O” the entire point of a threesome anyway??????
But if the I is the point, have a FIVEsome. That has an I in it, and it is much more fun with more “friends” (also with an I)
That. was. HIL-arious!
“There’s a ‘i’ in vibrator”
“and one in divorce”