I kissed what?

So apparently this is what the scientists are working on now instead of a cure for herpes.  The kiss phone:

kissphone.jpg

 Basically it’s a cell phone that you kiss and it detects and sends your kiss to your partners’ kiss-phone and vice-versa.  It’s like kissing someone through a pair of giant wax lips, which is almost as hot as making out with drywall, or a puddle.  I totally want one of these just so I can be making out with my husband over the phone and suddenly say “Ha!  You’ve been making out with the cat, you sicko!”  And then he’ll be all “Yeah?  Well the cat’s been kissing my butt for the last 5 minutes.”  And then I’ll be like “Ew.  The cat was only on the phone for the last 30 seconds.”  And then we get a divorce.  Thanks a lot, kiss phone.  Now I’m divorced and I have no cure for herpes.

PS.  I don’t really have herpes.  I have that disease you get from kissing your cat after it kisses someone’s butt through plastic lips.  “Depression”, I think it’s called.

Comment of the day:  We still have things like AIDS and stroke victims, right? Can you really call someone who invents a kiss phone a scientist? When the s**t hits the fan and AIDS becomes airborne and the cure for cancer takes a turn and makes everyone zombies and we have only to rely on a ripped-up Will Smith to save us by choking his dog, at least we will have f**king kissy phones. Thanks alot “scientists,” my money’s on the zombies. ~DiscoJamboree

86 replies. read them below or add one

  1. There’s that cat on the sidebar again, it must sense when you are blogging negatively about kissing cat butts or something.

    Like

  2. That might well be the saddest, most pathetic invention known to mankind.

    Robin’s last blog post..Do SOMETHING…Because “something” is better than nothing…!

    Like

  3. LOL – that is too funny.

    carrie’s last blog post..Who is stealing my posts?

    Like

  4. Note: do NOT call 911 just because you really need someone to make out with.

    Like

  5. GREAT JOB SCIENTISTS! who is sending these scientists out to work on things like CGI for shitty super hero movies and kiss phones? seriously.

    i say everyone beats the next scientist they see with a wiffle ball bat or section of garden hose.

    furiousball’s last blog post..OK here’s my stupid beard?

    Like

  6. ummm… yeah. Okay now.. Put down the phone and no one gets hurt… Why would anyone let the cat lick their butt? Is it a grooming issue or some kinky fetish I haven’t heard about yet?

    Lauraszoo’s last blog post..rotten Tuesdays

    Like

  7. OMG, Bwhaahahahaha.I think you made me pee! (Not like that’s hard these days, but still)

    sam’s last blog post..From Behind the Facade

    Like

  8. That’s just creepy. (The phone, not the Bloggess.)

    Kelley’s last blog post..Learning to Blog (But I Don’t Have Wings)

    Like

  9. 9
    DiscoJamboree

    We still have things like AIDS and stroke victims, right? Can you really call someone who invents a kiss phone a scientist? When the s**t hits the fan and AIDS becomes airborne and the cure for cancer takes a turn and makes everyone zombies and we have only to rely on a ripped-up Will Smith to save us by choking his dog, at least we will have f**king kissy phones. Thanks alot “scientists,” my money’s on the zombies.

    Like

  10. Is this what they give you in prison if you don’t qualify for conjugal visits?

    kirida’s last blog post..My brain doesn’t recycle, it just dumps

    Like

  11. This is the kind of thing that makes me think that technology has already peaked.

    Jess’s last blog post..Bus shelter benches

    Like

  12. What’s next? A cunnilingus phone? A glory hole phone? A donkey punch phone? Awesome! We didn’t need a cure for cancer anyway. Way to go, scientists!

    The Introvert’s last blog post..texas weather

    Like

  13. The Introvert – Jesus, don’t give them all those ideas!

    Lotta’s last blog post..Monday Diet Reminder

    Like

  14. 14
    DiscoJamboree

    The donkey punch phone is at least practical. Maybe a gorilla mask phone?

    Like

  15. Back in the early 80s, my dad used to tell me his favorite joke:

    Dad: Hear that they found a cure for herpes?
    Me: What?
    Dad: Extra-strength Tylenol

    Huzzah for cyanide!

    Spamboy’s last blog post..Updates for March 9, 2008

    Like

  16. I’m not really sure what to say about that. I’m sorta at a loss. Cool. I guess?

    Sara’s last blog post..Boyfriend Abuse: Superbad Makes Me Violent

    Like

  17. I know someone who sold a lung for his iPhone who kisses it like that.

    Robyn’s last blog post..Random Pre-Spring Break Musings

    Like

  18. I want/need one of these to fulfill several aspects of my life. And the humor properties alone are endless. Not surprisingly this is just a stop on phones that do all sorts of inappropriate things to you, but those will be way more expensive and have vibrating options…Oh wait, they already have those, they just don’t make phone calls or take pictures.

    FYI: http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bloggessed

    Michael’s last blog post..What the Fuck Technorati??

    Like

  19. I’m not surprised. They already have all sorts of remote phone-controlled devices for, well, whatever you want. God knows the people in the board meeting would understand if you needed to step out to take a “kiss” call…or whatever else you might get.

    Jeff’s last blog post..Five Death Defying Feats for Naked Women

    Like

  20. OMG Michael, you totally did that on purpose! I will gut you like a fish!

    The Introvert’s last blog post..texas weather

    Like

  21. The kiss phone has got to be a better alternative for the guy who made sweet love with wet cement.

    Jana’s last blog post..Stop Snow Stop

    Like

  22. You’ve not only been Kawasakied, but you’re an Urban Dictionary term? I’m way out of my league now.

    (going to sulk in the corner. don’t mind the rocking.)

    Headless Mom’s last blog post..Headlessness Abounds

    Like

  23. What if you misdial and accidentally make out with a stranger?

    -R-‘s last blog post..I Like to Pretend You Care

    Like

  24. I’d like to see the number of men who are going to carry these around to get kissed by their gals. heh heh heh – I don’t forsee it happening.

    Karmyn R’s last blog post..Pea Planting Time

    Like

  25. I wanted to laugh out loud when I read your post, but the office is very busy and quiet today. So, instead, I had to stifle my laughter. This made my insides hurt because I wanted to laugh so hard. Then, I realized I had four cups of tea already this morning and had not used the bathroom. “Oh, shit” I thought as I stifled my laughter and held in my pee as my insides hurt. The moral of the story? I should never read your blog while I’m at work because I might pee myself and burst into laughter while coworkers look on in fear and concern. Thanks for that.

    Arwen’s last blog post..Two-fer Friday: BAD Roads

    Like

  26. But what happens when you have one and no one wants to kiss you? It’s a whole NEW level of depression.

    Woodlandmama’s last blog post..As the Merry-Go-Round Turns. . . .

    Like

  27. I love you people so, so much.

    If I had a kiss phone I would make out with all of you all. day. long.

    Except for you, Willowtree. You know what you did.

    Like

  28. GAH. WHY? WHYYYYYY?

    Between this and the fact that McDonald’s profits went up like 11%+ when they announced earnings, I now feel really, really depressed.

    ali’s last blog post..13 Years of Catholic School Taught Me How to Pontificate*

    Like

  29. This really is the reason that terrorists hate our capitalistic butts. True story: the spell check told me to change capitalistic to cannibalistic. Deep. Real deep.

    motherbumper’s last blog post..The Toddler Cell

    Like

  30. Eeewww, this brings a whole new dimension to drunk dialing….poor kiss phone.

    Like

  31. 31
    Just A. Reader

    You know what I hate? I hate hearing people talking on their cell phones inside the toilet stalls in public restrooms. This device could elevate that disgust to an even more uncomfortable level. Yes, it could.

    Like

  32. I don’t have a cat in my sidebar – I have an exclusive interview with Jessica Weiner. Perhaps she doesn’t like cat cruelty either????

    This could give a whole new meaning to “phone sex”. What’s next? A blow-job phone?

    Sayre’s last blog post..Little Boy Blues

    Like

  33. So, it’s like the blow up doll of phones.

    flutter’s last blog post..My archnemisis, the Altima

    Like

  34. Will wonders never cease.

    Maybe Eliot Spitzer needs one of those.

    magpie’s last blog post..An Unanswerable Question

    Like

  35. Oh I can’t WAIT to see what fun the pervs riding public transportation are gonna have with these. “Is that a kiss phone in your pocket or. . . Oh. Wait. It’s NOT in your pocket, is it?” And then I’ll use a pencil to dial 911 on the perv’s kiss phone.

    Like

  36. Dude, puhlease tell me it wasn’t Bubba he was kissing. That would just be wrong. Oooooh, unless it was post-taxidermy. (hmmm, then it would still be wrong).

    (P.S. Sorry if we’re not at the “laughing place” on that one yet 🙂 )

    Greta’s last blog post..Scales of Justice?New Weight Loss Rules

    Like

  37. Introvert – I am sorry, I waited, and waited, and waited(to be truthful my attention span is about 4 seconds) and no entry was made, so I did it. I’ve gone a bit urban dictionary crazy. Gut away, I can take it.

    Michael’s last blog post..What the Fuck Technorati??

    Like

  38. I’m so glad I wasn’t drinking my coffee when I read this…it would be spewed all over my poor laptop!! Do they make a lick-phone to clean that up?

    Claudia’s last blog post..Sunday ramblings…

    Like

  39. Dude that is just wrong on so many levels. And sad. And ew. Ew.

    Sandra’s last blog post..Fantasy Schmantasy

    Like

  40. Michael – it’s cool. I totally forgot I was supposed to do that. I am glad you remembered…for the Bloggess’ sake.

    The Introvert’s last blog post..texas weather

    Like

  41. Those are the biggest drag queen lips I’ve ever witnessed on a walkie talkie.

    Tootsie Farklepants’s last blog post..I Must Confess…It’s Tuesday #7

    Like

  42. I’m so afraid of what my sons would do with those lips…and they’re 3 and 6! Creepy!

    jen’s last blog post..Know what this is?

    Like

  43. I just want to say that Disco Jamboree should have a blog. That zombie comment was almost as hilarious as your post, Jenny. 🙂

    Melanie’s last blog post..Scanty

    Like

  44. That is demented. Seriously demented. I cannot imagine giving tongue to a phone?!

    Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..Tit for Tot

    Like

  45. Creepy. No other word could possibly describe it.

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Tuesday Trivia: Music

    Like

  46. as if having parvo wasn’t cool enough…sheesh

    Like

  47. I see a future with a lot of teenage boys with their phones down their pants and the ringer on vibrate.

    anne nahm’s last blog post..Repression: It Is What’s For Dicker? Dinner. I Meant to Say Dinner.

    Like

  48. Uh… I guess this means the Parvo is all better???

    Houston’s last blog post..Goodbye Stealth Fighter

    Like

  49. That thing is just perverted crap. But, it is great for blog fodder! LOL I’d ask why someone would invent it, but I don’t think I want the answer. 😛

    Oh, and Willowtree and Jenny…will you two make up already? Willowtree, hurry up and kiss Jenny’s butt. You know you wanna… ;P

    Like

  50. Dude. I don’t think I’d be asking to borrow that cell phone.

    Kyla’s last blog post..My kid IS weird

    Like

  51. That’s SO gross.

    seven’s last blog post..“Holy” or Holey?

    Like

  52. 52
    Jerseygirl89

    Are there really no other problems to solve?

    And if we’re going to use phones for intimacy, can we just skip to the sex phone? Because there are days when I’m too tired for that, but usually I can manage a kiss.

    Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..Yet More Evidence That I Am Incompetent

    Like

  53. This just makes me feel so sad…

    Julie Pippert’s last blog post..For my friend, on the occasion of her 37th piece of trying news

    Like

  54. I have no words for this.

    Jenni’s last blog post..Fakers

    Like

  55. Yeah but does it give tongue?

    Maggie’s last blog post..Un-black listed

    Like

  56. i feel SO much better now, knowing that technology has reached this advanced stage. i was beginning to despair that we would never evolve beyond the clapper.

    janet’s last blog post..Not ME, but still MINE

    Like

  57. One ringey-dingey… two ringey-dingey…

    I don’t even want to guess the ring-tones on that mutha…

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Love Potion (for Client) Number 9

    Like

  58. okay. that’s just freaking bizarre. i like your disease better than herpes. i think i have it too.

    Like

  59. Who the hell configures digits on a phone like that?

    And why does it have a showerhead on the top?

    Jeff’s last blog post..Shower the people

    Like

  60. does it tickle like blowing into cellophane?
    (hey.. thats kind of a play on words cell-o-phone)

    Pamela’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Peg Leg

    Like

  61. those scientists are so high.

    Like

  62. 62
    ThatGreenyFlower

    Ok, I want to see a HUG phone, complete with gigantic arms. C’mon, Science!

    Like

  63. Oh great. Just great. I thought I would make it through life without ever having to indulge my fetish for french kissing an alien spider. Is this available through Verizon?

    BusyDad’s last blog post..Part of This Nutritious Breakfast

    Like

  64. What I want to see is the scientists come up with a phone that will let my co-workers in California send me some of their coffee and donuts during business meetings.

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: a change in perspective

    Like

  65. That is so wrong.

    Carrie’s last blog post..Just Like Them

    Like

  66. Bizarre…Hope we never get those here. I will never ride on public transport again.

    Kylie’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

    Like

  67. Scientists don’t really do anything important. There’s no money in that.

    Simply Jenn’s last blog post..Why I should, or shouldn’t, or should or shouldn’t

    Like

  68. That has to be the most unsanitary thing I’ve seen in a long time – outside of actually kissing a cat’s butt, that is.

    Where’s the Animal Cruelty Cat when ya need him?

    preppygirl’s last blog post..Once Upon a Time…

    Like

  69. CRAZY!! But I can think of a group of people that need this!http://www.chron.com/disp/story.mpl/headline/nation/5611970.html

    Shoegirl’s last blog post..I’m Sooooo Starbucksing!

    Like

  70. Hmm, this reminds me of how the summer I spent watching daytime soaps as my sitter talked on the phone and did her nails. I discovered that adults kissing simulated the exact sound of my dog cleaning itself.

    amanda’s last blog post..Eliot, you broke my heart.

    Like

  71. I’m still thinking about how much fun this would have been when I was in jr. high. holy crap!

    30andflirty’s last blog post..The Movie Meme

    Like

  72. Didn’t they have these at Emperors Club VIP?

    Justin’s last blog post..O NOES! TEH SPYDER ATTAKS!

    Like

  73. Dear. God. I’m sitting in my evidence class trying to catch up on all the blogging I missed in the last two weeks and I just snorted out loud at your last post. Brilliant. Thanks for making a postpartum lady nearly pop her coochie stitches.

    New Duck’s last blog post..One day old

    Like

  74. Sorry to bust your bubble Michael and Introvert, but the definition of Bloggessed is a wee bit different.

    It started at comment 50 by moi, then 51 by A Mom Two Boys, then was defined at 67 by EdT in this comment section.

    “It’s time to coin a new term, folks and fellow geeks. To be “Bloggessed” = to be featured on TheBloggess.com, which results in your server melting under the ensuing avalanche of hits.

    Gary Kawasaki: you have been Bloggessed.” –EdT

    Just thought you should know. *evil laughter*

    Like

  75. Seriously is this true?

    Treasia’s last blog post..Where did the time go?

    Like

  76. Sorry to burst YOUR bubble, Hatchet, but I coined that term on my own blog before y’all posted your comments. So there.

    The Introvert’s last blog post..the good ol’ days

    Like

  77. You guys are so cracking me up.

    And yes, Treasia. Sadly and embarrassingly, it’s true.

    Like

  78. *sigh*

    I just…

    *sigh*

    We’re so doomed. DOOOOOOOMED! 😉

    Fuzzball’s last blog post..Hmmmm

    Like

  79. I will burst so much bubble, I defined it without permission! So I win! Cause I did it. So there.

    Michael’s last blog post..What the Fuck Technorati??

    Like

  80. That would bring a whole new meaning to all the times I tell my husband to kiss my ass…

    Redneck Mommy’s last blog post..Big Love

    Like

  81. I want to know how this is functionally that different from a pocket pussy.

    Spirophita’s last blog post..50 before 50

    Like

  82. that is the RADDEST thing i have EVER seen!

    Hottdog’s last blog post..What in the H E L L is wrong with you people?

    Like

  83. YYYYYEESSSSSSS Your Majesty!!!

    Flea’s last blog post..Scavenger Hunt

    Like

  84. Haha, that’s quite interesting. I love the little notes you wrote on the screen shots. I almost looked up Human Parvo until I saw the disclaimer.

    Sue’s last blog post..The U Comment, I Follow Craziness

    Like

  85. Uhm, I love you. Like a lot.

    Call me on the kiss phone tonight? 🙂

    katie’s last blog post..links for 2008-03-19

    Like

  86. That’s an interesting article. I just wondered if you could tell me where to find more info on this topic ?

    Like

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