Most unappetizing thing I’ve ever found on my windshield

in If I was a dog I'd be dead by now, Posts that will get me hate mail, Random Crap

Ew. 

img_2218.JPG

Now I don’t want ice cream or cancer.

PS.  I swore I’d never start twittering and now I’m totally doing it.  If you don’t know what twittering is, I can’t help you because I don’t get it either.  Apparently you can use it to broadcast whatever you’re doing but you only have 140 letters to do it.  So it’s like a blog, but worse.   I don’t know what I’m doing there but if you want to read shit like “Did you ever notice how many of the old Scooby Doo episodes involved real estate fraud? Was that a big problem in the 70’s?” and “I may have swallowed a needle” then it’s totally the place for you.

PPS.  Victor swears that I didn’t swallow a needle because he put all the needles in another water bottle that he thinks he probably threw away.  Regardless, he totally yelled at me over the phone for being the kind of person who might accidentally swallow a needle because she doesn’t pay attention to what she’s drinking.  Not very supportive for a guy whose wife just swallowed a needle.  Also I think he might be trying to kill me.  I mean, he just happens to leave a water bottle filled with needles on the counter on the very same day he’s flying to another State?  I’m not checking the mailbox while he’s gone either in case there’s a python in there.

PPPS.  Victor is coming home today, burglars-who-want-to-burgle-me, so just quit it.

Comment of the day:  Well, it’s better than “Together we can lick Herpes.” ~ Melissa

95 thoughts on “Most unappetizing thing I’ve ever found on my windshield”

Read comments below or add one.

  2. I, too, don’t get Twitter, but then again, I don’t twitter myself. Nobody cares about what I am doing anyway.

    I also don’t like chocolate coated cancer, in a waffle cone or not. Maybe Neopolitan Cancer in a bowl, but only cuz I like the variety.

    Maternal Mirth’s last blog post..BOYS: The One with the Cryer

  4. I doubt if he’s trying to kill you. You’ll be able to tell when he’s trying to kill you, because he’ll put big butcher knives in your water bottles.

  7. Watching your tweets (twits?) has been pretty entertaining – especially the pee shy moment. Although, I can’t really relate cause hardly anybody follows me back, (hint hint) so no one hears me when I twitter. annettek

    catnip’s last blog post..ticket to flop

  12. In his defense, they were small needles and I think he was still mad that I didn’t give him credit for coming up with the “all your blogs are belong to us” tagline.

  20. I don’t generally lick things unless I know where they’ve been…

    And Victor? Cut. It. Out. Just because Jenny took credit for your tagline doesn’t mean you have to kill her with sharp water. You might try licking her instead.

    Sayre’s last blog post..Spring smells like Piss

  22. Twitter?

    How many times can I say, “I’m doing laundry.”

    Or, “Today I tried a new detergent.”

    Or, “I’d better start some laundry before I’m buried alive.”

    Otherwise… Snow here. More snow. Yes, snow in April.

    Gretchen’s last blog post..One word for Spring…

  23. I can’t twitter… First, all this technology crap will make my head explode (or maybe my husband’s…he’s just starting to understand the blog thing. I can’t imagine what the conversation would look like to explain twitter.) And Second, who really wants to know that “Hey! I just wiped another poopy butt!” or “Be proud of me. I cleaned a toilet today.” That’s just TMI.

    Good luck with Guy. Maybe he won’t put needles in your drinks. Or maybe he will. He would definitely know how to remove the blog evidence, though. So maybe you’re better off staying with Victor.

    Headless Mom’s last blog post..The Farm

  27. P.S. LOVE that you’re on Twitter. Don’t worry. You’ll figure it out as you go. And if you don’t it’ll still be entertaining for the rest of us. Hell, just watching you and Guy’s conversations have been worth it.

    @beckymochaface if anyone’s interested

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..What I know

  29. Jenny, you never reply when I twitter at you…

    I don’t feel the love.

    Besides twitter is great for things like when you have you blackberry in the toilet stall and feel like the internet needs to know the guy in the stall next to you TOTALLY needs to eat more fiber…

    Houston’s last blog post..Sorry

  30. I probably shouldn’t put this in writing but someone needs to tell Victor that needles in water bottles leave evidence and if he doesn’t want to end up as some big old tattoed hulking guy’s mistress, he has to go with the more subtle approach. I suspect my man is using arsenic, because I am once again testing high for arsenic, though I can not for the life of me figure out how he is tainting what I consume. The next step for me is installing nanny cams near our food and beverage storage areas.

    clickmom’s last blog post..Dearest Internet

  31. Houston – I never reply to anyone because I get kind of OCD and would spend all day twittering. But I swear I’m reading.

    Atif Khan – I love Alltop. The only thing missing is a Pakistan section. Also a porn section.

  33. Ewww…yeah…and frankly, if I ever had the urge to “lick” cancer, I’m pretty sure I’d want to do it on my own. Doing it “together” would just be gross.

    On the other hand…maybe this could be the start of a whole new disease prevention marketing campain.

    “Together we can lick leprosy.”

    “Together we can lick clymidia.”

    “Together we can lick scabies.”

    What do you think?

    Greta’s last blog post..Tan Fat Looks Better Than White Fat

  36. 2 things that may or may not shock you:

    1. I don’t get Twitter. Like, at allll.

    2. I HATE Coldstone. I think it’s gross. There, I said it.

    ali’s last blog post..Buy Organic

  39. I hate to admit this, but I think I know the difference between a needle and a pin. I’m ashamed.

    As for Twitter. I love Twitter. No one listens to me either and I have nothing interesting to stay, but that didn’t stop me from blogging so why would it stop me from twittering. 😉

    laanba’s last blog post..Time will tell

  40. I don’t know, my husband’s gone a LOT, so maybe I wouldn’t mind if someone came to my house and burgled me.

    If I Twittered, it would bore people to death. Unless I was Twittering about being, uh, burgled. That would probably cause some excitement.

    Jennifer H’s last blog post..Whew

  41. All the awesome twittering seems to occur when I am sleeping. Damn living on the other side of the world!

    I just get all the ‘did the housework’, ‘going shopping’ ‘had a nice bowel movement’ crap.

    How odd to put needles in a water bottle, but hey, I just Twittered about finding a gun and a teletubbie in the fridge.

    Kelley’s last blog post..Pull my finger.

  42. This takes me back to an aqua hued plastic tumbler from Costco from which I quaffed considerable amounts of water before becoming aware of the incredibly HUGE FUCKING SPIDER in my mouth.

    amanda’s last blog post..Dark Side of the Moon

  43. You need to buy Victor a special gift… it is call a SHARPS CONTAINER and you can get one at pretty much any pharmacy. Tell him to put his fscking pins and needles in the SHARPS CONTAINER, and leave your water bottle for things that are meant to be there… like DRINKING WATER.

    BTW, welcome to Twitter.

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Riding the WAVEs

  44. Kelley – actually it isn’t that unusual for diabetics to put used sharps in an empty water bottle, if they don’t have a proper sharps container to dispose of it in. Don’t know if Jenny’s husband is diabetic or not, but as I said the behavior is not all that surprising. Distressing, yes – but not surprising.

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Riding the WAVEs

  46. pins in your throat? What, are you trying to sew inside out? That’d be an interesting trick. It’d probably go viral on YouTube within seconds. ;P
    Twitter…IDK about that place. I’m not sure I could handle the additional rejection. On the bright side, I do have a Facebook page (which may mean it’s downhill from here. hah!)

    The Pear Lady’s last blog post..Working out with my poetic license again

  48. It seems like I do more twittering while I’m stuck in the Atlanta airport than in bathroom stalls. But hey, next time I’m in the bathroom in the Atlanta airport, I’ll Twitter about it.

    OH & tell Victor I actually got the “all your blogs are belong to us” line. I’m such a geek.

    Lawyer Mama’s last blog post..Missing Her

  50. Check this out. Back in my wild days I woke up one night in the middle of the night in an unidentified bed. I was feeling seriously dehydrated and I saw a glass of water on the bedside table, so I drank it. Turns out the person who owned the glass (and the bed) used that water to douse his cigarettes in. For like a year. And I picked it up and drank it. The point of this story? I’m not sure. But be glad you just drank needles.

    New Duck’s last blog post..We regret to inform you…

  52. You frigging KILL me. Especially with that needle crap. I’m following you on TwitTwat or whatever it is and now I’m paying attention to it again.

    mary’s last blog post..Sit and stay awhile

  53. I am afraid that my children would starve to death if I started Twittering.

    As for ice cream and cancer, I think the ice cream should be for the people who already have cancer. The rest of us should just buy them some.

    Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..Top Ten Things I Hate Today

  54. Yeah, somebody probably already said this, but I think I would rather kick cancer’s ass.

    The twitter thing…I don’t get it either, but I still signed up for it.

    Beckie’s last blog post..I cleaned something!

  59. Are they trying change cancer’s image? Make it more appealing?

    Did you know pigs eat cancer off each other? That flyer unfortunately reminds me of that. Yuck.

    Kyla’s last blog post..Quilts

  60. At least modern technology would allow us to locate the needle, if in fact you swalled one. Unless you did so while devouring a haystack, because you KNOW how impossible it is to find a needle in one of those. Otherwise, I think you’re going to be fine.

    AB’s last blog post..Unthinkable

  62. Seriously “Lick”? They must rethink that decision to outsource their PR to the Fetish Anonymous Group. I mean “bite”, “nibble”, “fondle until it’s so uncomforable it leaves” I get but LICK?

    motherbumper’s last blog post..Bedazzled Fafrazzled

  63. I heard about this twittering thing, but I still don’t get it. Another blogger wrote that she felt like she’d been cheating on her readers and confessed to twittering. I guess I have to catch up, I’m slacking!

    shoegirl’s last blog post..Mariachis and Tequila

  73. (Speaking of swallowing strange things) In my family, we’ve always put our lost teeth in a cup of water, and overnight “the tooth fairy” replaces the tooth with a bunch of change and, once in awhile, a dollar bill or two. Once when my sister lost a tooth, she put it in a cup of water like usual, and then in the morning she couldn’t find it. Turns out that my little brother was thirsty and drank the water… and, apparently, her tooth as well. She was a little traumatized, but luckily the tooth fairy still ponied up the change, even without the tooth in hand.

    seven’s last blog post..And The Finalists Are…

  74. I love the word burgled. It sounds fun, and a bit dirty:).

    My daughter had no idea what “lick” meant in the double connotation (one of those funny yet sad moments in the life of an expat). Do Americans still use that colloquialism?

    Kylie’s last blog post..You’ve got questions…

  83. Gross.

    It’s especially gross since I have always visualized cancer as looking like raw chicken parts with the fat still on ’em.

    Ick. Now I’m thinking about the chicken parts mixed up in ice cream and… gross. I can’t even talk about this anymore.

    Sensitiva McFeelingsly’s last blog post..Weekend Update

  85. I forgot you were deaf too! My favorite trick is to pretend I know what the other person is saying and make what I think are appropriate noises. This is lots of fun when you go “how fantastic” and they’ve actually just told you they have 4 months to live.

    I’m sorry for your sister! I’ll send good mojo her way.

    Lotta’s last blog post..All You Wanted To Know About My Pocketbook

  87. I “get” the whole twitter thing, ‘cept I’m too busy trying to follow and clicking on others links to actually hold any conversation.

    I’m going to San Fran 08 and want to meet you so I suppose I’ll have to stalk you out, lol

    Nancy’s last blog post..Does Comerica Park Need Excavating?

  88. At least a dozen people who make more in one year than I will probably make in five okay’d that Cold Stone flyer.

    Great, now I want to kill myself. Great job, Bloggess

    Ozzy Apples’s last blog post..Pandering

  89. My son has a cyst in his hard palate. We call it Lumpy too. I hope your sister’s is Mr. Benign Lumpy.

  95. Pingback: Yes, I realize Posey is a girl name but I thought he was a girl when I rescued him and the name stuck. His full name is Posey Von Lichtenstien though so he still feels bad-ass when people call his name at the doctor’s office. — TheBloggess.com

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