I was waiting until I was inspired enough for a new post but then Ali and Greta got all demandy so I’m just going to write a bunch of random crap while I’m waiting for my drugs to kick in. Feel free to skip it.
Stuff I’m thinking about today:
1. My little sister has a tumor the size of an atomic fireball in her jaw which sounds…I dunno…delicious? It’s probably not cancerous so we’ve decided to call him Mr. Lumpy. But if he is cancerous we will call him Terrible John the Bastard King of Assholery. Also, I’ll feel really guilty about telling her that it’s probably a silent twin that’s going to come alive and murder her in her sleep.
2. Have you seen this?
It’s some kind of a nap/TV/stool for kids and it’s the coolest damn thing ever. I totally want one for Hailey but I want it to be the size of a refrigerator box so I can put her inside and sit on it. ‘Cause “Mommy needs to blog, sweetie”. But I mean, I’ll put air holes in it. And a place for the catheter. What am I, some kind of monster?
3. This weekend I met up with Liv and Julie in a fancy french restaurant and somehow managed to yell “Vietnamese F-ck Table” in front of a baby. Awesome. But the good news is that we solved several issues worrying me about BlogHer. See, I have a hearing problem and can’t hear anyplace there’s ambient noise so I try to read lips which doesn’t work at all at dark, loud cocktail parties. This is why (true story) at the last BlogHer party I made my friend Laura stay in the bathroom with me throughout the entire party and why almost all of my pictures have toilets in them.
Anyway, I mentioned to Julie and Liv that I was really nervous that I wouldn’t be able to hear anyone at the BlogHer parties so we decided I should buy a child’s Indian Teepee and carry it around like a giant hat and people can come inside one at a time and talk to me. Also I’ll bring my flashlight so I can read your lips. Or maybe I’ll put some taplights on my boobs because that seems more sophisticated. Oh and I might be wearing a veil too.
I’m pretty much going to be the coolest person there.
4. Two words: Franken-gina. I guess that’s really one word.
5. My spellcheck says “Assholery” isn’t a real word. How totally pisstastic.
6. BlogHer 08. Are you going? If not I think we need to put together some sort of virtual get-together. Maybe everyone meet here at a certain time and we break the servers or something.
Comments of the day: What is a BlogHer party, and should I be attending them? They sound pretty important. And, after all, I’m in the freaking JUNIOR LEAGUE, so it is just not a party without me there….ummm….except that there’s a reason my name is The Introvert, so I’d just be standing in the corner by the bar watching Jenny do the worm in the middle of the dance floor while the crowd shouts “Go Jenny! It’s your birthday!” ~The introvert
And my response: Okay people…BlogHer: It’s a conference that happens in July. You get there on Thursday and party. Friday you go to a few sessions and realize they are all kind of boring. Go get drunk with your friends. Saturday you go to the sessions that your friends or celebrities are speaking at and then you stalk them and give them love letters with pictures of them and your cat. Saturday night you tell everyone your deepest secrets and also accidentally flash some people. Sunday important stuff happens but you skip it to sleep in and then you go to the airport. Also there are cocktail parties. In a nutshell that’s it. And you should go. But if you can’t, I will still love you. Maybe even moreso because I will not have embarrassed myself in front of you. ~ me