You know how some people are always like, “Oh, I wish I could fly” like that would be so kick-ass? I bet it totally wouldn’t be. I bet it’s like people in wheelchairs who are all “Oh, I wish I could run” and you’re like “Well I’ll tell you, it’s overrated.” I once had to run a mile in junior high and I totally threw up all over the track. I bet it’s like that if you’re a bird too. Like, it looks all kick-ass and soary but really it’s hard and your boobs get in the way and later you hurt in places you didn’t even know existed. Like your…I dunno…wing fingers.
I wonder if birds ever throw up if they have to fly too much? Don’t birds throw up into their babies mouths anyway? I wonder if any of them ever get really sick and their babies are all “Don’t let that shit go to waste!” and the mama is like “NO, THIS IS REAL VOMIT. I just flew a mile for fuck’s sake! You don’t want to eat this.”
PS. This post came from an extraordinarily large file titled “Shit that shouldn’t be published”.
Comment of the day: I tried taking up running last year. I thought my iPod would be the perfect motivator, but I was too cheap to buy an actual case for it, so since I don’t have much in the form of boobs, I just put the iPod inside my sports bra. Now when I want to skip a song, it looks like I’m fondling myself. ~ Duchess Jane