Last week I sent a fan letter to Steve from The Sneeze because his brilliant corn smut post is what got me hooked on blogging in the first place. I told him that if he didn’t want to be my friend I would become his nemesis and I warned him that “I can kick like a mofo. And by ‘mofo’ I mean ‘small hamster’. A furious, furious hamster.” And then he actually wrote me back and admitted that he was scared of hamsters and asked how he would go about being my friend and I sent him this response:
“I’ve been thinking about this and I’ve always found that the best way to seal a friendship is to swap blood. We can only do it thought if you’re willing to come to Texas because I think it’s illegal to mail vials of body fluids across State lines. Unless we can mask the smell of it with something else. Like maybe pot? Please mail me a vial of your blood wrapped in pot. I’ll have to give you my P.O. Box address though because I don’t give out my real address. Too many freaks out there.”
Then he never emailed me again and also he didn’t send me the blood or the pot. It’s like you can’t even trust people anymore.
PS. Still working on my memoirs. Just finished chapter 4, which would be more impressive if I’d finished chapters 1-3 first, but it sounds way better than just saying “I’ve written one chapter”. I’m pretty sure this is why George Lucas skipped right to Episode IV in Star Wars.
PPS. I just finished chapter 2. Technically I just copied and pasted the online directions for syncing up my iphone but it’s done. I don’t know why people complain about how hard it is to write a book.
Comment of the day: Um…Jenny?? Everyone knows you’re supposed to wrap the blood in bacon. If you don’t have any bacon, use fruit roll ups. If you don’t have any fruit roll ups, use cat hair. If you don’t have any cat hair, stop eating it.
No wonder Steve never emailed you back. ~ Greta