It’s like a mitten for your hair. Attached to your vagina. For some reason.

in bizarre, Random Crap, stuff better left unpublished, terrible titles

The Hood Thong.  Because peeing is just too easy. 

Apparently.

 

I added the figgy pudding and gingerbread man to keep you from getting fired, and also to make it more festive.  You’re welcome. 

PS.  The original picture is safe for work if your work doesn’t have a policy against women wearing yarn pasties while holding fake boulders.  Call your HR office for clarification.

(A special thank you to Jana for sending me this and giving me the excuse to push my last post a little further off the top of the page.)

Comment of the day:  That looks like a seatbelt and a hoodie crashed in to a rock garden.  Hell, it just looks like it would really hurt your nether regions if you forgot and snapped your head too fast in either direction. I suddenly feel the need for some Goldbond Powder. ~ Mahala

140 thoughts on “It’s like a mitten for your hair. Attached to your vagina. For some reason.”

Read comments below or add one.

  15. I went to the website and had to fill in my name, e-mail, any comments I had and the answer to 2+2. I guess they need to know you are smart enough for their product so they don’t get a lawsuit from someone who couldn’t get out of it…

    Liz Caro’s last blog post..Heart Cry

  16. Every time I hang out in a thong, especially at Christmastime, I always think to myself, “Damn, my ears are cold.”

    So, this is perfect.

    Except that it doesn’t look penis-friendly.

    Though she does.

    Hello, Jenny the Bloggess.

    scott’s last blog post..Self-help Donuts

  20. ???????
    People are weird. And by people I mean the people who made whatever that is.
    So I went to the website for more information and they don’t have it there. So I emailed them and asked for more. I’m totally taking one for the team here.

    Ariel’s last blog post..Grace in Small Things

  24. OK, but if you could please email me the original that would be AWESOME. Thank you.

    Why the hood? I mean, is someone actually going to wear this thing outdoors in the rain or snow? Fashion designers – they’re like artsy people’s crazy kid sister

    Memphis Steve’s last blog post..Sail Away, Bettie Page

  28. That looks like a seatbelt and a hoodie crashed in to a rock garden… or something. Hell … it just looks like it would really hurt your nether regions if you forgot and snapped your head too fast in either direction. I suddenly feel the need for some Goldbond Powder.

    Mahala’s last blog post..Christmas Spirit, Holler Style

  37. I have a new blog. The other one has been abandoned–not due to my wishes–but because I am a cluster fu**.

    My vagina has been awfully chilly lately–this is the perfect stocking (not a psydo name for my twat) stuffer.

  38. PS: The above comment is the reason there is a no drinking policy for Friday afternoons at my office–spelling skills suck.

  39. Okay, so the way I read that at first was that it’s a mitten for the hair that’s attached to your vagina.

    Either way, I didn’t imagine that. Though I suspect my husband could have.

    Jennifer H’s last blog post..Light

  40. I’m not sure why you find this so bizarre, Jenny. Doctors and mothers have said for years that one loses the most heat on a cold day through one’s head, and one’s lips.

  41. Ok, I think I get it now. It’s so little red riding hood can be easiy spanked by the big bad wolf.

    I want Christmas pasties. You’ve started a fad.

    Rhea’s last blog post..Throwing a Fit

  42. You are an answer to my prayers. I have an entire wardrobe of body thongs but have always wondered what to do when I was having a bad hair day? Baseball caps look so stupid with body thongs, if you must know. Now I have a solution. Except I think I shall wear mine with cowboy boots. Better, no?

    Andi’s last blog post..Lauren’s Tree

  44. You are welcome Jenny. I think you deserve something special for Christmas. I can’t wait to see it on you! It should be your xmas card cover. OH! Maybe it comes in kid sizes! You could be matchy matchy with your daughter!

  52. Thank you for giving me the best laugh I’ve had in a VERY LONG time! Your commenters, too. I think the people who thought that was a good idea are the same folks who market thong underwear to toddlers… 😛

  62. So have you been to the original site? Here’s what it says: Hood Thongs are coming to a head and crotch near you!
    We have not gone into full production on the Hood Thong, but we are taking custom orders. This means a few things. a) You will be getting one of the most progressive, functional, temperature-controlled pieces of fashion around. b) It will be a bit expensive until we get it into China, but totally worth it in everyone’s opinion. If interested fill out the form below and we can work it out. Thanks.

    This bothers me on so many levels.
    1. the word crotch is in their slogan. I mean, ew!
    2. they call this “functional” (what’s YOUR function?)
    3. “until we get it into China”?!

    -sigh- I wish I had no scruples, then I could make buttloads of money selling crap like this.

    Mikki’s last blog post..Christmas with Celiac #7 – The Christmas Party

  72. So I wouldn’t have wanted to go through that waxing session! And how could she stand there and not think “I am so not getting paid enough for this!” And I want to know how many people were pissing there pants in the background?! I like the comment about spaghetti coming from her boobs.

  77. I clicked on that link and now my computer feels dirty. Why does she have spaghetti hanging from her boobs? And is she holding a bowling ball in a bag? And why is she wearing sneakers and socks, when everyone knows you’re supposed to wear Uggs with your vagina hood?

    New Duck’s last blog post..Toilet talk

  78. I’m fixated on her footwear. The sneakers and socks look an awful lot like something out of an early 80s Jane Fonda workout video.

    Not that I ever did Jane Fonda’s workout. Or ever wore sneakers and socks like that.

    Shut up.

    bejewell’s last blog post..Screw Yule

  79. That has to be the most ridiculous f***ing thing I have ever seen. Wow. It totally explains Bejewell’s outfit the other day, though….

  86. What? Am I the only one who filled out the form on the main website? Apparently a custom Hood Thong will be speeding its way to me soon.
    And for all the men feeling left out, they promise a male version later in 2009…. but you will need to send in extra measurements!

    yaya’s last blog post..Scoleciphobia: Say yuck to worms

  87. Thanks! I finally know what to get for my sister!

    And it will bring up childhood memories of her beating the crap out of me.

    Thanks for making my Christmas like I remember it!

    Kylie’s last blog post..It Gets Better…

  88. In the future, all women will wear hood-thongs and yarn pasties. That’s not the scary part. The scary part is that we’ll be wearing them with 80’s jazzercise socks and white hightops. You know, cause your ankles get cold when your ass is blowing in the breeze, and there’s only enough yarn to cover your nipples.

  91. No need for the pudding or the gingerbread man since this amazing outfit induces lactating spaghetti bolognese. Enough for all your puritan afflictions.

  96. zOMG… given that hooded garments used to be for COLD WEATHER, this one does seem a bit… inappropriate.

    And, if I EVER see this on “What Not To Wear”, I think I’ll just lose it, right then and there.

    ~EdT.

  100. Thanks Suz- I just blasted “How to style pubic hair” through my office because I didn’t realize that my volume was left on max. Ha ha… I wonder if I am fired?

    “No really… I swear it was work related!”

  101. I only want one if it has a nice thick pad of metal bra type hooks right between the legs. Now that would be heaven.

    Also, I’m hoping it comes with matching socks. Are there matching socks?

    clickmom’s last blog post..waking up is hard to do

  104. I don’t even know where to begin my commentary on JUST how fucked up that outfit it! It’s hard to render me speechless, but this just did it.

    The gingerbread man and figgy pudding were nice touches!

    ListenToLeon’s last blog post..McDonalds Goes R&B On Us

  108. So, people didn’t just wear socks and shoes with their g-strings (thongs) in the 80s? Oh.

    Sadly, this reminds me of some equally stupid underwear contraption called the C-string. It doesn’t have sides, so somehow you have to use your vaginal muscles to hold it in place?
    Yep, for more eye raping, you should look that up on Youtube.

    And does anybody else think it’s a little weird that nobody ever has pubic hair when they show this kind of stuff? Then again, these underwear models look more like human-themed coathangers than humans, and coathangers don’t have hair?

  109. I’m loving the fact that they take CUSTOM ORDERS…so if I want my hoodthong in red for holidays it’s totally do-able. Sweet.

    Anna’s last blog post..Finally!

  117. Someone else used my seat belt comment. But, still.

    ::dies laughing::

    Thank you. That was good.

  118. As I look at this, I keep getting stuck in a perpetual loop, where I will think, then nearly gag, then start thinking “Why? Why? Why?” all over again…

  119. …and apparently, it has rendered me senseless, as I wasn’t able to even write a proper, completely formed comment.

    Sorry ’bout that.

  121. Ok now look, here’s why this is awesome: sometimes I feel chilly and it’s really just my head and my feet and I mean, if I wasn’t wearing panties … Also if it gets really windy, none of my hair is gonna get mussed up … Also, obviously there is a superhero type effect making the wearer capable of lifting heavy things … maybe it’s a superheroine outfit: Impervious To Cold In Most Places Girl (Who Can Also Lift Heavy Shit).
    I’ll shutup now.

  126. You know what they say about making sure to wear nice underwear in case you’re in an accident? Well if you’re wearing this and end up with whiplash, do you have the ultimate camel toe? Just wondering so I can weigh my purchase decision more carefully.

    Jess’s last blog post..Cody

  127. So…when I first saw this I thought it was some sort of raw meat hanging from her tits, then I was relieved that it was only yarn pasties. I’m thinking this is pretty low budget, I mean, reebok high tops and scrunchie socks? crumpled up paper for boulders? Maybe they are trying to show the “timeless” elegance of the hoodie turned chastity belt but due to the low budget props, I’m not buying. FAIL.

    Kristin’s last blog post..Have you done this yet?

  128. I can’t remember the last time I was walking around thinking to myself “my head is cold” while the ladies just dangled free to catch the cold breeze.

  129. My favorite part of this entire outfit: the 1980’s scrunch socks and shoes.

  132. I think your buisness plan is 100 years too late. Durin the Golden Age of Piracy,the 1700s it was common for the English Navy to employ hookers on their ships at sea. Although I doubt those chicks had Sailor Moon costumes.

    Would your customers be required to tell the girls, “by the name of the Moon I violate you!” before closing the business transaction?

    Condo Blues’s last blog post..15 Habits That Lower Winter Utility Bills

  134. Pingback: “On Clothing for the Female Genitalia” by My Co-Workers « Volume: A Shabublating Series of Shabublizing Standards
  137. Pingback: Mom Blogs at MomDot » Top 50 Mom Blogs of 2008 11-50

  138. Good lord! I’ve been looking for that very look. Gonna get my husband one, too – he found it “interesting”. Does it come with a pouch in front for him?

  139. Huh. How ’bout that. Well. Um. Jeepers.
    That little image is going to stay with me for the rest of my lazy Sunday.
    Do I thank you or send the men with the butterfly nets?

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