It’s like a mitten for your hair. Attached to your vagina. For some reason.

The Hood Thong.  Because peeing is just too easy. 

Apparently.

 

I added the figgy pudding and gingerbread man to keep you from getting fired, and also to make it more festive.  You’re welcome. 

PS.  The original picture is safe for work if your work doesn’t have a policy against women wearing yarn pasties while holding fake boulders.  Call your HR office for clarification.

(A special thank you to Jana for sending me this and giving me the excuse to push my last post a little further off the top of the page.)

Comment of the day:  That looks like a seatbelt and a hoodie crashed in to a rock garden.  Hell, it just looks like it would really hurt your nether regions if you forgot and snapped your head too fast in either direction. I suddenly feel the need for some Goldbond Powder. ~ Mahala

140 replies. read them below or add one

  1. I really think the thick socks and high top reebok really accentuate the positives in that outfit…

    gingela5’s last blog post..You Know What Really Grinds My Gears…

  2. how awesome is that? does it come with a bigger bladder??

    churchpunkmom’s last blog post..The Boy Scout (Part 7)

  3. Oh, that.

    I already own a closet full of them.

    Let me know when you have something strange or unusual.

    Houston’s last blog post..I Admit It

  4. Wow, seriously? Where do people come up with these things? And where can I totally buy one? Do you think it comes in red?

    Amazing Greis…’s last blog post..BFL – Week 15…I give up!

  5. I have nothing to say about this. And yet I feel compelled to comment on it to symbolically acknowledge the horror of it all.

    Havi Brooks (and duck)’s last blog post..8 ways to have a seriously unpleasant conversation

  6. I’d really been struggling with Christmas shopping up til now. The nail polish really makes that outfit. Thanks, Jenny! You’re the best!

    mark’s last blog post..Somebody’s Got A Secret

  7. I need one, you know for those nights when I drink too much eggnog and mix it with wine and I have to pee all damn night. I’ll just call it lingerie

    mariah’s last blog post..Phew… That was a close one

  8. Wow. You look fantastic in this picture.

    juliejulie’s last blog post..Uncle Billy Takes Off – Pink and Gold Memories

  9. what the heck?!?! that’s retarded. i do not understand. haha

  10. If it came in red, I’d be all over that. Except not.

    for a different kind of girl (FADKOG)’s last blog post..gym class zero

  11. Everyone needs to keep their head warm when hiking mostly naked amongst iridescent white boulders, right?

    Heather’s last blog post..to thine own self be true: effort

  12. OMG, this is insanely hilarious. And to the genius in charge of that photo shoot: the boulders really add that special something, thanks for that.

    Kim@Galavanting’s last blog post..:: Mr. Galavanting in Antarctica

  13. purdy.

    I would totally wear that to the Golden Child Christmas worshipping, if they shipped to Australia.

    Dammit.

    And the socks just give it that total retro look. Rad.

    Kelley’s last blog post..Santa can bite my smooth white arse.

  14. Yep. I’ve already put it on my Christmas list. It will be perfect for going on job interviews.

    The Introvert’s last blog post..confusion

  15. I went to the website and had to fill in my name, e-mail, any comments I had and the answer to 2+2. I guess they need to know you are smart enough for their product so they don’t get a lawsuit from someone who couldn’t get out of it…

    Liz Caro’s last blog post..Heart Cry

  16. Every time I hang out in a thong, especially at Christmastime, I always think to myself, “Damn, my ears are cold.”

    So, this is perfect.

    Except that it doesn’t look penis-friendly.

    Though she does.

    Hello, Jenny the Bloggess.

    scott’s last blog post..Self-help Donuts

  17. – Christmas List –

    Grandma K
    Grandma S

    Check and Check.

    Christmas shopping is officially over.

    Broke But Still Drinking’s last blog post..Hand friends to the police or send them to Mexico?

  18. I totally wore that for aerobics in the 80’s. If those are reeboks.

    Happy Hour Sue’s last blog post..A Very BG Christmas

  19. The faux boulder looks more like she decapitated the Tin Man’s head and packaged it up for you. That would explain the hood. She’s undercover.

    SassyTwoSocks’s last blog post..some people just make me ask "why?"

  20. ???????
    People are weird. And by people I mean the people who made whatever that is.
    So I went to the website for more information and they don’t have it there. So I emailed them and asked for more. I’m totally taking one for the team here.

    Ariel’s last blog post..Grace in Small Things

  21. Wait, no link to the original photo?

    Lexi’s last blog post..insert clever title here

  22. What’s wrong with it? It looks like a great invention. When I go nude hiking, my hoods are always coming off and blowing away.

    Sophie, Inzaburbs’s last blog post..Girls Night Out

  23. What’s with the 80’s aerobic footwear?

    kristin/kwr221’s last blog post..BITE ME!

  24. OK, but if you could please email me the original that would be AWESOME. Thank you.

    Why the hood? I mean, is someone actually going to wear this thing outdoors in the rain or snow? Fashion designers – they’re like artsy people’s crazy kid sister

    Memphis Steve’s last blog post..Sail Away, Bettie Page

  25. I’m sorry to be all “How was the play, Mrs. Lincoln?” but wtf kind of rock is she standing on?!

    Marinka’s last blog post..Tips for Holiday Hair. And Life, in General.

  26. Sadly, the futuristic thong hoodie doesn’t bother me nearly as much as the LA Gear and scrunchie socks.

    blissfully caffeinated’s last blog post..I can’t come up with a title for this

  27. I heard about this — isnt it part of Boulder’s new tourism campaign “you so won’t freeze your nipples off if you visit, we promise.”

    Theyre so edgy and progressive!

    Deb on the Rocks’s last blog post..Why, a Day Without a Gay is Like a Day Without Sunshine!

  28. That looks like a seatbelt and a hoodie crashed in to a rock garden… or something. Hell … it just looks like it would really hurt your nether regions if you forgot and snapped your head too fast in either direction. I suddenly feel the need for some Goldbond Powder.

    Mahala’s last blog post..Christmas Spirit, Holler Style

  29. Yeah…this is going to create a massive amount of pink taco wedgies.

    I can’t wait to get mine!

    Plunger Girl’s last blog post..Dogs for sale

  30. I gave birth to my daughter wearing the very same outfit. Boobs out for breastfeeding and everything!

    Akilah Sakai’s last blog post..Colin Farrell and Brendan Gleeson

  31. Alright then. I know what’s going on my Amazon wish list.

    Grey Street Girl’s last blog post..Winter Disappointmentland

  32. I am just so completely speechless. There are no words!

  33. Did you say you work for a religious organization?

    Wanda’s last blog post..Guardians of His Beauty

  34. Yes, but today is my day off so I’m probably in the clear.

  35. My vagina is now clamoring for its own mitten. Thanks a lot for that.

    Maura’s last blog post..This Still Throws Me Every Time

  36. Have you seen this? It’s semi related…

  37. I have a new blog. The other one has been abandoned–not due to my wishes–but because I am a cluster fu**.

    My vagina has been awfully chilly lately–this is the perfect stocking (not a psydo name for my twat) stuffer.

  38. PS: The above comment is the reason there is a no drinking policy for Friday afternoons at my office–spelling skills suck.

  39. Okay, so the way I read that at first was that it’s a mitten for the hair that’s attached to your vagina.

    Either way, I didn’t imagine that. Though I suspect my husband could have.

    Jennifer H’s last blog post..Light

  40. I’m not sure why you find this so bizarre, Jenny. Doctors and mothers have said for years that one loses the most heat on a cold day through one’s head, and one’s lips.

  41. Ok, I think I get it now. It’s so little red riding hood can be easiy spanked by the big bad wolf.

    I want Christmas pasties. You’ve started a fad.

    Rhea’s last blog post..Throwing a Fit

  42. You are an answer to my prayers. I have an entire wardrobe of body thongs but have always wondered what to do when I was having a bad hair day? Baseball caps look so stupid with body thongs, if you must know. Now I have a solution. Except I think I shall wear mine with cowboy boots. Better, no?

    Andi’s last blog post..Lauren’s Tree

  43. She’s making my vagina cold.

    Miss Grace’s last blog post..BOOK CLUB FAIL

  44. You are welcome Jenny. I think you deserve something special for Christmas. I can’t wait to see it on you! It should be your xmas card cover. OH! Maybe it comes in kid sizes! You could be matchy matchy with your daughter!

  45. why on earth would anyone want to wear something like that!!!

    Sam’s last blog post..Telepathy

  46. Wow, you certainly would have to keep things, umm, neat and tidy down there to pull that off. Pretty though, really pretty.

    Ali’s last blog post..Family: Can’t live with ’em, can’t live with ’em

  47. Oh dear God. Whoever designed that prolly figgered that we would buy anything.

    Let me go poke my eyeballs out now. 😉

  48. I’m so glad I’m laid off at the moment.

    goodfather’s last blog post..Playing hooky

  49. Thank God she’s wearing that arm band. Otherwise she might catch a chill.

    By the way, I’ve seen more realistic looking Hide-A-Key rocks.

    The Cotton Wife’s last blog post..Why Oh Rye …And A Contest!

  50. Oh – and I Google the photographer (Dan Monick). Apparently he specializes in photos featuring women appearing to say, “What the hell is that rash??”

    The Cotton Wife’s last blog post..Why Oh Rye …And A Contest!

  51. I’m thinking I couldn’t pull that off. Then again, no one should really try to.

    Jim’s last blog post..By Request: The Corner Psychos – part 1

  52. Thank you for giving me the best laugh I’ve had in a VERY LONG time! Your commenters, too. I think the people who thought that was a good idea are the same folks who market thong underwear to toddlers… 😛

  53. 53
    Possibly Offensive

    Maybe they’re going for the devout Muslim market?

  54. that is just artfully nasty in a festive sort of way…

    designHER Momma’s last blog post..cracking pants…

  55. When I first glanced at it, I thought she was taking out the trash, and maybe she was wearing the hoodie to save the neighbors from her bed head.

    Dallas’s last blog post..TheDallas: Dancing in my chair. Listening to 12 Ghetto Days of Christmas. Laughing out loud!

  56. Why are her boobs throwing up spaghetti?

    Melissa’s last blog post..Everyone Needs a Hero

  57. Is the boulder-like thing under her arm supposed to look like a big happy face?

    Momma Trish’s last blog post..Parents just don’t understand

  58. You think that’s bad? You should see what the Big Bad Cyberwolf is wearing.

    Steve’s last blog post..Roadside Pareidolia

  59. this is the strangest underwear i’ve ever seen. and it’s slightly disturbing. so disturbing in fact that i can’t stop looking at it. like ewww.
    i think the white tennis shoes seal the deal fo sure.

    Mz. Nesbit’s last blog post..Hmm, those pears have an anger management problem!

  60. That looks so much more practical than the chastity hoodie I bought last season. The hardware gets rusty pretty easily. I’ll bet the item featured here is machine-washable.

    Orange’s last blog post..Sexism and Patti Blagojevich

  61. thank nancy reagan’s pussy someone finally invented this

    furiousball’s last blog post..what i’m not blogging about

  62. So have you been to the original site? Here’s what it says: Hood Thongs are coming to a head and crotch near you!
    We have not gone into full production on the Hood Thong, but we are taking custom orders. This means a few things. a) You will be getting one of the most progressive, functional, temperature-controlled pieces of fashion around. b) It will be a bit expensive until we get it into China, but totally worth it in everyone’s opinion. If interested fill out the form below and we can work it out. Thanks.

    This bothers me on so many levels.
    1. the word crotch is in their slogan. I mean, ew!
    2. they call this “functional” (what’s YOUR function?)
    3. “until we get it into China”?!

    -sigh- I wish I had no scruples, then I could make buttloads of money selling crap like this.

    Mikki’s last blog post..Christmas with Celiac #7 – The Christmas Party

  63. Does anyone even know what the hell figgy pudding is?

    Ms. Caddy Wumpus’s last blog post..Five things I did today

  64. Just…no. Ew.

    Mr Farty’s last blog post..Dying Of Man Flu

  65. and just today i was wondering what to get my 91 year old grandmother.

  66. i got to this entry through twitter and i thought you were talking about a merkin. surprisingly, or not, since it’s you, it was much more frightening!

    cachanchan’s last blog post..cachanchan: http://twitpic.com/s62l – I just woke up to this view!

  67. 68
    Lumpy Rutherford

    EEEWWW, just EEEWWWW

  68. I think the Ugly Christmas Sweater holiday theme party has some competition!

    EdenSky’s last blog post..I know I aced that exam…but still

  69. Ooh… figgy pudding…

  70. I am getting my mom one for Christmas.

    texasholly @ June Cleaver Nirvana’s last blog post..Let’s shop with Holly!

  71. So I wouldn’t have wanted to go through that waxing session! And how could she stand there and not think “I am so not getting paid enough for this!” And I want to know how many people were pissing there pants in the background?! I like the comment about spaghetti coming from her boobs.

  72. Hmmm. Wonder if they make a crotchless one?

    derfina’s last blog post..I can’t think, therefore I bleme

  73. It has stolen my speech.

    deidre’s last blog post..Top Five: Robert Downey Jr Edition

  74. I am at a total loss for words beyond – WTF?

    annie’s last blog post..It’s Friday. Here’s Your Update.

  75. So wait, now to go to the bathroom you not only have to take down your pants and underwear, but you have to take your hat off as well? Are these people trying to give us all pneumonia with the sudden cold?

    Dani’s last blog post..Life lesson: you should never sing “frosty the snowman” in the car…

  76. I clicked on that link and now my computer feels dirty. Why does she have spaghetti hanging from her boobs? And is she holding a bowling ball in a bag? And why is she wearing sneakers and socks, when everyone knows you’re supposed to wear Uggs with your vagina hood?

    New Duck’s last blog post..Toilet talk

  77. I’m fixated on her footwear. The sneakers and socks look an awful lot like something out of an early 80s Jane Fonda workout video.

    Not that I ever did Jane Fonda’s workout. Or ever wore sneakers and socks like that.

    Shut up.

    bejewell’s last blog post..Screw Yule

  78. That has to be the most ridiculous f***ing thing I have ever seen. Wow. It totally explains Bejewell’s outfit the other day, though….

  79. Obviously this product fills a market need. I can’t tell you how often I’ve said to myself “I wish my underwear was attached to my head”.

    Momma Trish’s last blog post..Parents just don’t understand

  80. that’s it, I’m done.

    flutter’s last blog post..We’re all crazy

  81. Well, the gingerbread man looks mighty happy.

    Musing’s last blog post..Highlighted Blog: The Jannaverse!

  82. Wait – are we supposed to caption this? Because I seriously have no. words. HAHA

    Mona N.’s last blog post..Countdown to Christmas: Obligatory Gourmet Crap

  83. Huh

  84. Oh my frikken God.

  85. What? Am I the only one who filled out the form on the main website? Apparently a custom Hood Thong will be speeding its way to me soon.
    And for all the men feeling left out, they promise a male version later in 2009…. but you will need to send in extra measurements!

    yaya’s last blog post..Scoleciphobia: Say yuck to worms

  86. Thanks! I finally know what to get for my sister!

    And it will bring up childhood memories of her beating the crap out of me.

    Thanks for making my Christmas like I remember it!

    Kylie’s last blog post..It Gets Better…

  87. In the future, all women will wear hood-thongs and yarn pasties. That’s not the scary part. The scary part is that we’ll be wearing them with 80’s jazzercise socks and white hightops. You know, cause your ankles get cold when your ass is blowing in the breeze, and there’s only enough yarn to cover your nipples.

  88. Does it hook up with velcro at the bottom?

    Anndi’s last blog post..it kills everything else…

  89. Bingo! Thanks. I’m now done with my Christmas shopping list. Do you think they have this at Target?

    Distractions’s last blog post..I Don’t Get It — Joe the Reader

  90. No need for the pudding or the gingerbread man since this amazing outfit induces lactating spaghetti bolognese. Enough for all your puritan afflictions.

  91. Uh, sorry- who actually *wears* that and for what purpose exactly??? I’m stumped.

    Jen W’s last blog post..And he even had some interesting stuff to say in 2008

  92. Thank God her belly button is covered up by the strap. Otherwise it would just be obscene.

    The Cotton Wife’s last blog post..Why Oh Rye …And A Contest!

  93. It’s always important to strap your vagina into a safety harness when you’re out boulder toting. Didn’t you know that?

    HeatherPride’s last blog post..Keeping House for Sprite’s Keeper

  94. I’m kinda wondering what shoes I would wear with the Hood Thong. Thinking condom-shaped shoes that vibrate.

    Mom on the Run’s last blog post..Is Blogging a Job?

  95. zOMG… given that hooded garments used to be for COLD WEATHER, this one does seem a bit… inappropriate.

    And, if I EVER see this on “What Not To Wear”, I think I’ll just lose it, right then and there.

    ~EdT.

  96. OK, so just WTF!? is going on with CommentLuv!?

    Oh… never mind.

    ~EdT.

    Ed T.’s last blog post..Reexamining my faith: Causing my brother to stumble

  97. Notice she’s not holding a fake boulder in her right arm, which is apparently wasting away.

    Stacey’s last blog post..It’s Beginning to Look a Lot Like Smallpox

  98. How is that marketed, exactly. A futiristic hoodie? A space aged seat belt?

    phd in yogurtry’s last blog post..to which this mom is left speechless

  99. Thanks Suz- I just blasted “How to style pubic hair” through my office because I didn’t realize that my volume was left on max. Ha ha… I wonder if I am fired?

    “No really… I swear it was work related!”

  100. I only want one if it has a nice thick pad of metal bra type hooks right between the legs. Now that would be heaven.

    Also, I’m hoping it comes with matching socks. Are there matching socks?

    clickmom’s last blog post..waking up is hard to do

  101. This is disturbing me on far too many levels.

    Livy’s last blog post..? Too many tears have had to fall / Don’t you know I’m so tired of it all? ?

  102. Gingerbread boy’s smile is a little suspicious. Methinks he’s not too unhappy with that woman’s nipple poking him in the butt.

    apathy lounge’s last blog post..Baby, It’s Cold Outside!

  103. I don’t even know where to begin my commentary on JUST how fucked up that outfit it! It’s hard to render me speechless, but this just did it.

    The gingerbread man and figgy pudding were nice touches!

    ListenToLeon’s last blog post..McDonalds Goes R&B On Us

  104. now I kind of want to put cute holiday clip art on all my softcore porn.

    jdg’s last blog post..Recession holiday contest!

  105. I see by the reflector strip on the front that it’s safe for jogging…good to know.

    Jessica’s last blog post..Because nipples exist.

  106. Man…I was hoping this picture of me didn’t show up again.

    Jen @ Mommay’s Mayhem’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday 12.10.08

  107. 108
    Procrastinateher

    So, people didn’t just wear socks and shoes with their g-strings (thongs) in the 80s? Oh.

    Sadly, this reminds me of some equally stupid underwear contraption called the C-string. It doesn’t have sides, so somehow you have to use your vaginal muscles to hold it in place?
    Yep, for more eye raping, you should look that up on Youtube.

    And does anybody else think it’s a little weird that nobody ever has pubic hair when they show this kind of stuff? Then again, these underwear models look more like human-themed coathangers than humans, and coathangers don’t have hair?

  108. I’m loving the fact that they take CUSTOM ORDERS…so if I want my hoodthong in red for holidays it’s totally do-able. Sweet.

    Anna’s last blog post..Finally!

  109. But where will I keep my wallet?…Oh, riiight.

    EdenSky’s last blog post..I know I aced that exam…but still

  110. That it disturbing on so many levels. Now I’m going to have nightmares.

    Becky Mochaface’s last blog post..Month 2 Day #12

  111. It’s that thing fastened like a seat belt? Idunno. Looks like some serious chaffage to me…

    tokenblogger’s last blog post..My first blog post…

  112. Is it wrong that I kinda want to buy a couple as gag gifts? ‘Cause some of my friends would find this hilarious.

  113. WTF?!? Is that supposed to be sexy?

  114. Wow. This is like a dickie. Except the name doesn’t make me laugh as much. I hope they have an all-black model for the ninjas on my Christmas list.

    Kari’s last blog post..Winter(ish) Wonderland

  115. It’s only a matter of time before we start seeing those in rap videos. On whatever music station still plays them, anyway.

    Lisa Walsh’s last blog post..Thelma & Family

  116. Someone else used my seat belt comment. But, still.

    ::dies laughing::

    Thank you. That was good.

  117. As I look at this, I keep getting stuck in a perpetual loop, where I will think, then nearly gag, then start thinking “Why? Why? Why?” all over again…

  118. …and apparently, it has rendered me senseless, as I wasn’t able to even write a proper, completely formed comment.

    Sorry ’bout that.

  119. Well thank goodness it’s got a hood. Because she clearly has no body fat, and I’d hate for her to freeze to death on her hike. Though with the figgy pudding and gingerbread man, at least she won’t starve.

    Sallyacious’s last blog post..I Am Either a Hideous Failure or I Am Transcendent

  120. Ok now look, here’s why this is awesome: sometimes I feel chilly and it’s really just my head and my feet and I mean, if I wasn’t wearing panties … Also if it gets really windy, none of my hair is gonna get mussed up … Also, obviously there is a superhero type effect making the wearer capable of lifting heavy things … maybe it’s a superheroine outfit: Impervious To Cold In Most Places Girl (Who Can Also Lift Heavy Shit).
    I’ll shutup now.

  121. Did she incur the wrist injury through the donning of this outfit?

    amanda’s last blog post..Snarky Gratitude

  122. This would perfectly compliment the willywarmer (under fetisch) for New Year’s Eve party costumes!

    mrtl’s last blog post..under the buzzer

  123. Is there something wrong with me if I think that is really hot?

    A Free Man’s last blog post..Florida-style politics

  124. Uh.

    I…don’t get it.

    Deutlich’s last blog post..Not Quite Right

  125. You know what they say about making sure to wear nice underwear in case you’re in an accident? Well if you’re wearing this and end up with whiplash, do you have the ultimate camel toe? Just wondering so I can weigh my purchase decision more carefully.

    Jess’s last blog post..Cody

  126. So…when I first saw this I thought it was some sort of raw meat hanging from her tits, then I was relieved that it was only yarn pasties. I’m thinking this is pretty low budget, I mean, reebok high tops and scrunchie socks? crumpled up paper for boulders? Maybe they are trying to show the “timeless” elegance of the hoodie turned chastity belt but due to the low budget props, I’m not buying. FAIL.

    Kristin’s last blog post..Have you done this yet?

  127. I can’t remember the last time I was walking around thinking to myself “my head is cold” while the ladies just dangled free to catch the cold breeze.

  128. 129
    Different Jessica

    My favorite part of this entire outfit: the 1980’s scrunch socks and shoes.

  129. Now I finally know what to wear when I’m moving boulders.

  130. And the athletic shoes and thick white socks *totally* make the outfit.

    Lori’s last blog post..A Little Help

  131. I think your buisness plan is 100 years too late. Durin the Golden Age of Piracy,the 1700s it was common for the English Navy to employ hookers on their ships at sea. Although I doubt those chicks had Sailor Moon costumes.

    Would your customers be required to tell the girls, “by the name of the Moon I violate you!” before closing the business transaction?

    Condo Blues’s last blog post..15 Habits That Lower Winter Utility Bills

  132. Clearly you need to become a personal shopper. My hat is always blowing off and I totally need this. Thank you.

    Lotta’s last blog post..Picture Day: Kids, X-Rays and Bedroom

  133. Wow. That is awesome!

  134. Hey!!

    This reminds me of the other thing that lululemon was trying to promote last year. It was zany like this but obviously minimally memorable.

    Kristen’s last blog post..The Best Laid Plans…

  135. […] to chug vodka straight from the bottle…….oh, and show us cool inventions like the thong hoodie. Who […]

  136. 138
    Observer 27

    Good lord! I’ve been looking for that very look. Gonna get my husband one, too – he found it “interesting”. Does it come with a pouch in front for him?

  137. 139
    Lady Penelope

    Huh. How ’bout that. Well. Um. Jeepers.
    That little image is going to stay with me for the rest of my lazy Sunday.
    Do I thank you or send the men with the butterfly nets?

  138. It was really insightful.
    Thanks for such a nice content.
    Cheers
    BTW if anyone interested more have a look theshoesfinder thanks

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