I know this might come as a shock to some of you but last night I had a revelation and it will change the way I write. I was outside contemplating the sunset when I realized the pure perfection of the world and my place in it. That’s why starting today I will no longer be using profanity and all of my jokes will come with a moral. Like this one I just made up:
“EXACTLY, asshole. Maybe you should go to church every once in awhile.”
And the good thing about this joke is that you can actually use it on strangers when you’re doing missionary work so it works on two levels. Also I have this other joke about repenting where it’s all “What happens if you don’t ‘pent’ enough? You have to RE-pent” but before I get to the punchline everyone’s all “Wait. What does ‘pent’ mean?” and it messes up my flow and so then no one laughs and I’m all “YOU KNOW WHAT? FINE. It’s pretty obvious you don’t love Jesus at all. We’re done with you” Then I make a big deal of writing their name down on my list of people that I will ask God to curse with gonorrhea. Of the face. That way we’ll know who they are by sight and can shun them. So, you know…get your shunning boots on.
Comment of the day: No, really, Jesus Who? ~ Aprylsantics