Me: Did you see my latest Ask the Bloggess column?
My mother: Oh. I thought that was just a one time thing.
Me: What? Why would I have a one time advice column? That would be the worst advice column in the history of the world.
My mother: I thought it was just a one-time joke.
Me: IT IS NOT A ONE-TIME JOKE. I AM A SERIOUS COLUMNIST.
My mother: Of course you are! Ha ha!
Me: That wasn’t a joke either.
My mother: Oh. It’s very hard to tell with you.
Me: *sigh* I know.
My mother: So you know that big wooden box that your father keeps rattlesnakes in?
My mother: Your father. He was keeping all his rattlesnakes in that big wooden box behind the taxidermy shop but when we had that last tornado we were afraid to leave the house in case the box had gotten broken and there were snakes everywhere.
Me: Wow. So were there?
My mother: Oh no. They were all fine. But we won’t be keeping live rattlesnakes in a rickety wooden box from now on, I assure you. Could you imagine if those rattlesnakes had gotten sucked up inside the tornado? It would have been flinging live rattlesnakes at people all over the county! That would be the worst tornado ever.
Me: Why would people be standing outside in a tornado?
My mother: Well. It’s Texas.
Comment of the day: We don’t have tornadoes here in Alaska. Or rattlesnakes. Just earthquakes and bears. Remind me to never keep my bears in a wooden box. Because of the earthquakes and all. ~ Mommica