It’s kind of like a World of Warcraft quest except instead of winning the Magical-Shield-of-Reckoning it ends with blow-j0bs and unfettered access to the internet

You know how when everyone is on twitter and you can’t get off and your husband is yelling at you that you’ve been on the internet for four straight hours and you’re all “I’ll get off as soon as everyone else gets off” but then more people show up and you get sucked into watching Garfunkel and Oates videos for another two hours and then your husband threatens to put you in rehab because you have “some sort of an addiction” and you’re all “Well, it’s not an ‘addiction’ when you play World of Warcraft for two days straight” and he’s all “That was a group quest and the elves were depending on me for my resurrection powers” and then he says something about how you haven’t showered since yesterday and you’re all “That’s not true” but you don’t actually say it out loud because you’re too busy responding to Wil Wheaton even though you know he’s never going to reply to you but it doesn’t hurt to try and then your husband stomps off doing that loud, horrible huffy sigh thing that makes you want to stab him in the face a whole bunch?

That sucks. for. everybody.  And that’s why I propose that all of us get off the internet this Friday at 8 pm Central for one hour to give our husbands/boyfriends/life-partners/roommates blow-jobs.  And I know you’re suspecting that I’m tied up in a corner and that Victor is writing this and I appreciate your concern but actually, no, it’s me and hear me out.  So we’re all off the internet at the same time so no one has to feel like they’re missing anything, plus when you give your honey a surprise blowjob he’s going to be all “WTF was that all about?” and then you give him this smoldering, over-the-shoulder glance and be all “Oh that?  That was from the internet”.  And then he’ll be all “YOU SHOULD BE ON THE INTERNET ALL THE TIME”.  And then we all win.

Also, if you are single then bonus for you too because you can download p0rn faster during that hour since everyone else is going be off the internet.  Or you could use that time to troll for other single people on twitter who are also not having oral sex.  Because now you have something in common.  I’m like the greatest matchmaker ever.  

Comment of the day: What are we suppose to do for the other 50 minutes? ~ QOTFU

240 thoughts on “It’s kind of like a World of Warcraft quest except instead of winning the Magical-Shield-of-Reckoning it ends with blow-j0bs and unfettered access to the internet

Read comments below or add one.

  1. I pretend to be off the internet every Friday at 8pm anyway, in order to give the impression that I have a life. This shouldn’t be too hard.

  2. I can tell it’s you and not Victor, because you are truly the QUEEN of the run-on sentence and Victor could never imitate that. Not with with conviction, anyway. You… you run on with FEELING.

  3. I don’t know whether to be impressed or concerned that you’re allotting an HOUR…

    And, great…now I’m wondering if anyone has evah tweeted while doing the same….

    Robin’s last blog post..Happy feet…very

  4. Okay! But my kids are still up at that time so it could be awkward. I guess I should point them in the direction of the helpful porn benefit that this worldwide sensation will allow. It’s time they learned how the world really works. I should be back online by 8:02.

    Jacquie’s last blog tu, Conan?

  5. My boyfriend has a new appreciation for blogs thanks to you, and still doesn’t understand twitter, but I’m guessing if I explain it’s because of you and twitter that he’s getting extra head on Friday, he’ll stop asking questions.

    kateanon’s last blog post..pressure and pouncing

  6. Oh, and Eliza Dushku never answers me back, either. She’s probably pretty sure I’m a sicko living in a hole in the wall in my mom’s basement. If she’s given it that much thought.

    So….you know…stalk away at Wil.

    OpinionatedGifts’s last blog post..California

  7. Great idea! Though I may be instructed to spend MORE time on the internet, which is great and everything, but you just know that someone’s going to get all excited everytime I sit down at the computer.

    Karen’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

  8. and won’t it be fun to give my husband a BJ right there on the line in the restaurant kitchen where he will be working at 8:00 pm on Friday night. Won’t the other boys in the kitchen be jealous and think I’m the coolest wife in the whole world. What a great idea.

    momranscreaming’s last blog post..a Ferrari would have been fun though

  9. are you going to provide the man for me Bloggess? Cause there is NO way I’m blowing the dogs.. I mean.. first.. they’ve got no balls so.. of course.. no hard ons.. not like I’ve looked or anything.. but.. I don’t have anyone to blow

    comictragedy’s last blog post..What’s Up Wid Dat??

  10. At first I thought to myself, “I’m in. Another brilliant idea from The Bloggess.” – but THEN I started thinking about it, and really…if I did that it would just be bad news. I couldn’t help but start thinking about all my other bloggity friends that were doing the same thing (you, of course, would be wearing curlers). Then I would laugh, my technique would be all wrong, God forbid there could be teeth, and maybe he breaks up with me before this relationship has even really started ALL because you wanted me to give him a blowjob at 8pm. No. Absolutely not. I’ll have no part of this.

    Cory’s last blog post..Madeline Alice Spohr

  11. I’m out. But before you beat me to death, here’s why.

    When my SO bitches about me being on the internet it is really so he can get on the internet and jack off to whatever hockey blogs he reads. So then he would be getting a blow job and surfing the internet and how is that fair? THEN it will be like classical conditioning where if he bitches about time spent on the internet he gets rewarded by being able to both surf the internet and get a blow job at the same time and then he will expect it all the time and it will NEVER END!!!!

    You know what that means? It means that I will never be able to read your blog again because I will be on my knees beside the computer with my mouth full. THAT, ma’am, is my own personal version of hell.

    melistress’s last blog post..Slow Down, You Move Too Fast

  12. This is, like, the most evil genius idea EVAR. They think it’s for them, but really? It’s just a little present for us.

  13. My tongue isn’t long enough to give my husband a blowjob since he’s out of town.

    So I’m totally open to giving you or Victor one.

    Just let me know.

  14. 1) Do you peep in our windows. I SWEAR we’ve had that exact conversation.

    2) My husband has already had his semi-annual BJ. So I won’t participate this time.

    LizzB’s last blog post..Modern Magic!

  15. Are the boyfriends/husbands/whatever allowed to tweet their blowjob responses? That could seriously reclog the internet.

  16. BEST POST EVER! And that’s not just cuz I’m a guy… I mean, you mention online gaming, Twitter and blow jobs. You’re husband must be living in some kind of geek paradise.

    Andy’s last blog post..Undead Dog Dream

  17. Wow, I’ll join the crowd and say this is totally the BEST blog post I’ve read in a LONG time! I’m sharing this with everyone. Thank you SO much for putting this out into the world!


  18. Your husband is a very lucky man to be getting a B-jobby from such a funny broad. You make me laugh, and that takes allot. I owe my husband one for picking up dinner last night… when he wanted payment at around 10PM, I faked a toothache. That was mean of me, so okay… I’m in. Keep up the good work, you are great.

  19. OMG … This is the best idea EVER! You are a GENIUS. And my DH will worship at your feet … as soon as I’m done and back on the internet.

  20. hmm, i will be at a hotel with my girls but it does have a hot tub, so he might just have to accept a hand job instead. i’m not going underwater for that. fabulous idea though!!

  21. Srsly? I already use this technique so I can stay on the Internet. When my husband gets all huffy and stomps around and demands that I get off the Internet I break for the 5 minutes it takes to give him a BJ and then he feels like he won and usually goes to sleep and I get right back on barely having missed anything feeling superior.

    Jennifer Taggart, TheSmartMama’s last blog post..Green your cleaning: make your own homemade scrub

  22. Methinks this is brilliant. Or. You know, if I had a brain that wasn’t turned to mush by The Internet then I would think it was brilliant. But my non-brilliant Internet-Mushified brain instead directs me to refresh my Google Reader again JUST IN CASE.

  23. I recently started Twittering to drive people to my famous blog and now I’m hooked.

    Hooked I tells ya.

  24. The gender dynamic of this scenario is reversed in my house. This wasn’t always true, though when it was my wife on the computer for hours on end it wasn’t Twitter, it was the Sims. I don’t think she’s realized the irony of being jealous of my imaginary friends on Twitter.

    Anyway, I know this isn’t your advice column, but since you haven’t answered any of my questions over there yet, I have one for you here. Should I send her this post “accidentally” so I’ll get a blowjob tomorrow, or should I instead go down on her?

    By the way, 8pm Central is 6pm Pacific, so expect some awkwardness as I tongue my wife in front of our two young children and possibly our nanny.

    badassdadblog’s last blog post..happy birthday, little brother

  25. It’s been years since I’ve given a guy a blowjob, but I think I still have the hang of it. I’d be willing to go down on anyone playing a Dwarven Warrior in exchange for spaulders.

    Throw in an epic axe and I’ll swallow!

  26. From one of your lesbian readers: If you don’t split hairs about terminology, women can receive blow jobs too. Head is head. So all you straight guys who are protesting, go give a woman head on Friday. It’s the same thing, silly.

  27. Already there. Hulu’s been sucking my brain but good lately, as well. Good to have you online with us, too, to explain it to the ‘others’. Now where’s that video again? -clicks link- 😀

  28. Yeah.. from 8-9pm? we’re putting the kids to bed… so, for one, I’m ALWAYS off at that time. and two??…. guess it’s a good thing we put that lock on the bedroom door finally!

    I’m in!

    (though I must admit.. I prefer Mr Lady’s idea..)

  29. Dying over Busy Dad and badassdad’s comments! I’m a World of Warcraft widow. Tomorrow at 6:00 (I’m in CA) is smack in the middle of dinner. And get this: one of my husband’s guild members (clan? crew? cult?) is staying over tonight through tomorrow. They’d never met face to face until this week. They guy has been telling my son to call him by his character name! Anyway, I’m not sure I want to ask this guy to keep an eye on my son while I blow my husband but it’s an excellent idea!

    Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy’s last blog post..(Almost) Wordless Wednesday: Artsy

  30. Is it required to actually be actively giving the blow job for the entire hour? Because people could get injured. I don’t want to have to explain to my boss on Saturday why my mouth is stuck in the bj position.

  31. My husband would be all “who are you and how did my wife hire an exact duplicate and she’s still on the internet isn’t she? I mean….. oh baby (whatever)”

    Either way I like it. Now I have to go find a doppleganger.

    harmzie’s last blog post..More Vaseline

  32. If this doesn’t happen in my household, can you please suspend my wife’s membership to the Bloggess Fan Club?

    (should this not happen due to the 3 week old twins in the house, I suppose you can hold off on the suspension, at least for an hour or two)

    cyniclite’s last blog post..Sleep deprived conversations continued…

  33. We each have our laptops and he never complains about me being online, in fact I’m pretty sure he’d complain if I tried to make him get off the internet for said blowjob. How about some kinky bdsm sex? Now that I think we can both agree on.. Course I may be gone for longer than an hour.. Thx for the idea!

  34. Ok I am in. This better work b/c if I have to listen to one more pouty comment about my time on twitter/internet I was gonna have to withhold all offerings, all together.

    Lu’s last blog post..Sneak Attack

  35. Just curious — will Victor be live-blogging the happy occasion? A blow-by-blow account, if you will?

    Also, you’re usually so good about lesbian parity, how did we get left out of your original post? An update to add us in would be awesome!

  36. AN HOUR??? Do I have to touch his balls too? It’s my fucking birthday tomorrow and don’t WANT to give Mr. Husband a blowjob, even though he got me that really cool new iPod Touch. Which I LOVE. More than blow jobs, I might add. Can I tke a valium and drink a little during this hour? I’m just saying you only said ‘8pm and a bj’. But what else can I do during that hour that includes him?

  37. I was once told that once I had a wedding ring on my finger, I’d never have to give a blowjob again. However, my husband and I have made such an effort not to conform to any marital stereotypes that I have spent four years making sure that wasn’t true. Also, my wedding ring is currently being checked by the jewelers for loose prongs or spyware or whatever they check it for, so it’s off the finger. So blow him, I shall. And I’ll have 55 minutes to spend reading or something before I can get back on the internet again!

    Jessica’s last blog post..Trading snow shovels for sunscreen

  38. OMG, I just had this fight last night. He’s all, “You can’t whine that I don’t pay enough attention to you when the only attention you have to give IS TO THE INTERNET.” And I’m like, “FUCK YOU, SOMEDAY I WILL BE A FAMOUS WRITER AND THEN YOU’LL THANK THE INTERNET FOR ALL THE MONEY YOU’LL BE ROLLING IN WHICH I WOULD BE NICE ENOUGH TO ALLOW YOU TO USE FOR PURCHASES THAT I APPROVE,” and he told me that I would not be getting any special touching, and that when I’m famous, if I don’t share he’ll just divorce me and make me pay him alimony and then remarry someone hot who doesn’t know what the Internet is. He will be BEYOND THRILLED at your plan. Also, he may imagine I’m you, which I think he does anyway since you posted that video.

    emvandee’s last blog post..LAMBURGER!

  39. So I read him your blog post and he started laughing all Bevis and Butthead style. And still didn’t want to give me the unfettered internet access, but he works away from home, so really, WHY am I doing this when he’s gone all time and can’t bug me and my Internet additcion anyway? So now he’s expection a blowjob on MY BIRTHDAY. Thanks.

  40. My husband will not be home, so I can take advantage of the internet porn, I suppose. Thanks for clearing out the internet for me.

    a’s last blog post..Perspectives

  41. by my calculations it’s about that time, anyway.

    don’t get me wrong, the boyfriend gets tongue action all the time…just not the whole time needed for the cake to cook…i’m assuming you know what i mean.

    anyhow. it’s kind of like when you get a parking ticket and you wait until the last possible day to pay it.

    yeah, start to finish blowjobs are like parking tickets.


    andy’s last blog post..where did you think crackwhore patrons came from?

  42. You are so completely awesome I can hardly stand it.

    Also? My face now hurts from smiling so hard while reading this out loud to my husband. I blame you. You and your insane humor!

    Hatchet’s last blog post..Twenty Months

  43. So this is going to sound REALLY odd, but the BF is not a fan of the BJ! I know right? I swear to god I am good at it too, he is just one of those really rare amazing men who don’t really care for them! Score for me right? So instead I’ll tell him it works the other way around so I’ll be off (Ha ha “off”!) the internet then anyway.

    Summer’s last blog post..Damn Doctor Knows Best

  44. Hubby will love this. I can see it now, he’ll suggest this become a nightly ritual…I’ll tell him he’s on crack. He’ll try to work his negotiating skills and be all “okay then, let’s make it weekly” and I’ll agree. Damn negotiating skills. If hubby wasn’t good at returning the favor, he would be so screwed – and not the way he likes it.

  45. Well, I think it’s a great idea. Except in my part of the world, 8pm central happens on 11am the next day.

    I think I’m going to need to book a meeting room at work…

    mr sketchy’s last blog post..CLMs

  46. So I tweeted about it and Chris Gore retweeted it and then made a hash tag for it. There are only two entries that relate to it right now, everything else is some porn star talking about how she’s going to do three blowjob scenes or something, I stopped paying attention halfway through reading those ones. Anyway. There’s an #BJFriday now and it’s all because of you.

  47. For anyone who hasn’t given a blowjob in a really long time >cough cough<. Check out blowjob girl on youtube. She’s wearing a green shirt. It’ll give you step by step instructions on how guys REALLY like it! Trust me. I’m doing what she says on Friday at 8pm.

  48. I am showing this entry to my boyfriend. Some days I’ll just be laying there in the bed, as naked as a person can get without being skinless (which I guess removes like a LOT of fat from diet), legs spread open. And he’s like “I’m hungry!” And I’ll point between my legs expectantly. And then he’ll turn to the computer and be all “I wonder what kind of food I can get from the Internet?” And my vagina gets all cold. And nothing sucks more than cold vagina (shut up, Frosty the Snowcunt).

    Actually, I made all that up. It’s usually the other way around. But you can get PIZZA from the internet. Has my boyfriend’s penis ever spurted pizza at me? No, thank GOD.

    Miss Cinnamon’s last blog post..these stories are pretty awesome

  49. (Don’t mind me, nothing funny in this comment, move along — I’m trying to figure out why CommentLuv isn’t showing my blog and latest post in the comments here. It’s not taking new registrations for a few days, so I can’t fix it on that side of the problem. On my comment (#87) I deleted the part of the path name for the old post before submitting my comment, so maybe that’s why no blog post showed. I’ve entered a more recent blog post in the “Website” box as a test and workaround. Then when I can register with CommentLuv I’ll see if the problem on their side is an out-of-date FeedBurner URL–maybe it needs updating. I use the same theme as The Bloggess and it’s not letting me enter multiple RSS feed URLs, which would have been another workaround option. By the way, Jenny, I do think it is generous and wonderful of you to have CommentLuv. Thank you.)

  50. The august issue of Hustler has a cartoon of a guy going down on his wife while twittering away on his Crack berry “Less twitter and More Clitter”…

    Marla’s last blog post..Whined & Grind

  51. Where’s my BJ and where on the internet can my boyfriend learn how to do it properly!

  52. ANOTHER blow job this week????

    and no i am not just blowing my own horn!


    ps…….Married people no longer give blow jobs? how’d I miss that memo?

  53. Well . . . . OK… I ‘ve always found your wisdom contagious.. . . .

    I guess I could always blow my neighbor while our wives are out shopping,

    I don’t even know the guy.
    This is gonna be really awkward. . . . .

    And what guarantee do I have the son of a bitch doesn’t twitter about it right after………?

  54. I can’t. My husband is on TDY.

    Plus, and I know this makes me a total prude, but it’s really hard for me to put my mouth on something that pee comes out of. I’ve also seen my husband’s hygiene habits so that doesn’t help his case either.

    Amber’s last blog post..The Big Bang

  55. I am too fucking fat and too fucking pregnant to give any goddamned thing a goddamned blow job. My husband can go suck his own dick. If I tried right now I’d just throw up and probably send myself into preterm labor. So, great sentiment, but no fucking way.

    Sara Rose’s last blog post..A Birthday Menu

  56. Fantastic idea! We’ll have to skip our sons High School graduation but hey that will make his college graduation that much more special. WAIT I’VE GOT IT! How about blow-job Friday every week. I think we’ve got a winner here.
    TXPoppets spouse.

  57. As a Lesbian I would like to say, WTF??? You could have said just give the one you love/lust/etc. oral sex on the 8th…but no, you had to be all straight sex about it. is it because you come from Texas that you hate the gay? If you did not hate the gay you would not be putting those big ass curlers in your hair and blow drying it yourself, you would have some hairdresser named Jeffrey, Bruce or Jamie doing your hair and he would give you really cool advice about clothes and maybe talk you into bright blue streaks in your hair. You limit yourself and your world so much by hating the gay.

    BTW, June is Gay Pride month, so I am just practicing my ranting and self righteous indignation…how was that? I felt i could have been a little more blistering and used bigger words to give it more power…but unlike most dykes my vocabulary is limited. I skipped vocabulary day at gay school, I just knew I was going to regret that some day.

  58. So what about the chicks? I’d rather recieve than give. IOW: Boys, start paying attention to the pussy.

  59. Risley, #129–

    If you want to rant at Jenny, especially about lesbian parity, which she usually remembers and definitely supports, you are going to have to go through me first. Plus, I already asked her about it nicely — give her some time to get to it!

    Why don’t you spend the time on Friday night boning up — yes, I said it — on the reason WHY June is Gay Pride month. I’ll get you started: 40 years ago this month, queens at the Stonewall Inn gay bar in New York City finally had it with the police raids and rioted for days.

    Or, have a pleasant evening shopping on the Interwebs at the sites purveying the lovely silicone sculptures our people have pioneered, almost — yes, I’m going to say it — single-handedly.

  60. “Oral sex” is not as funny as “blow job” and personally (yes, I realize it’s wrong) I’ve always used “blow job” interchangeably with “oral sex”. I think it comes from years ago on Mr. Show when Sarah Silverman demands to get a blow job for giving a blow job. And technically there’s no blowing being done either way unless you are doing it wrong (seriously, y’all. Don’t *do* that). Also, “hand-job” is totally gender-neutral for me too. I realize this confused the hell out of people when I’m having sex discussions but I can’t help it. “Finger-bang” is way too crude and cunnilingus is too hard to spell. Even spell check doesn’t have a suggestion for me when I write “cunnilingus”. Blow jobs for everybody…that’s my motto.

    Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to demand a blow job from my husband.

    PS. Skip to the end to see Sarah.

  61. Dear jenny. Hmm… internet or buying time… hmm… I don’t know. I’m not usually so longsighted as to see the benefit of this kind of reverse psychology plan. Anyways, your 8pm CST is probably when I’m asleep, so you’ll have to count me out. I’m not doing that one for the sisters.

  62. I just watched all of your posts on you tube and I think you are my new hero.

  63. Now serving #133, conservative Lesbian, I live in Seattle, it is a gay mecca we all have rainbow flags tatted on our boobs and asses. Meet me at Toys in Babeland and we can discuss the ins and outs of the Lesbian lifestyle.

  64. Um…yeah I was TOTALLY ‘IN’ even though I am married and you know….once you are married you just sort of prefer not to…especially when that person thinks its romantic to just drop their pants & stick their cock in your mouth from time to time….
    Still…I thought I should really make more of an effort, that was until I remembered what a cocksucker my husband & most men really can be……
    Now I am thinking I will set my alarm for 8pm & tell him to suck his own cock for an hour
    PS—- This message brought to you by the usual, annoying bullshit called a relationship

  65. Jenny,
    On behalf of all lesbians everywhere I would like to say we can accept the universality of “blow job” as a term for oral sex. From now on, if anyone gives you any lip about it, refer them to me, if you like. What we were asking for is inclusion in the list: “our husbands/boyfriends/roommates.” Wouldn’t it still be funny if it were absurdly long?: “our husbands/boyfriends/life partners/girlfriends/lovers/significant others/roommates” — the whole grab bag of people with whom a woman would be intimate if she could ever tear herself away from the Internet and from which comes the person on whom she would confer a bj in exchange for several blessed hours alone with her Internet and her Web people (which sounds like the inspiration for an awesome Halloween costume) and who would then be loathe to come between her and her Internet/Web people for fear of causing a lengthy drought in BJ Land?

    #141, my late life partner was from Issaquah, so I feel very sentimental about the Seattle area and its gay community, but I am on the East Coast, as a glance blog-ward will show. And I’d be surprised if I didn’t have about a 20-30 year headstart on you, as well. But it’s nice to be noticed, so thanks.

    A Conservative Lesbian’s last blog post..My e-book on navigating the health care system and making end-of-life care choices

  66. Wow! You are a woman of amazing influence. You make a suggestion that everyone get off the internet on Friday at 8, and what do I see on twitter? They’re shutting down Friday at 8 for “planned maintenance.” We all know they’ve been reading your blog, and that’s code for blowjobs. You’ve really started something huge, do you know that?

    Twitter Fail’s last blog post..Like Follows Like

  67. This will go hand in hand with my “If I Give 200 people $20 Blow Jobs, I have Enough $$ to Buy A Cheap Car,” so really, everybody wins.

  68. Can we all get off the Internet to give Wil Wheaton a blow job? Cause I’m up for that.

  69. Best. Idea. Ever!!!!!!! If I’m going to sacrifice the internet for an hour, it should be for a good cause, such as perfecting one of my very bestest skills.

    Lori’s last blog post..Fame, But No Fortune

  70. Can I just say…I love you. =) No seriously. You say things I think in my head, but when I put down on my blog…would probably LOSE me readers…but you. You are so funny and genuine. Love it. Thanks for the early morning blush and giggle. Have a great day ma’am!

  71. I’m very excited that it appears this will be the last post before your version of our official People’s Party announcement. So every time someone comes here to look at it and decides to check out your previous post, this is what they’ll get.

    I’d like to apologize to PBS in advance. Then again, you met Jenny last year and you should have known this was coming. Plus, you more or less pay for all of the drinks so I can’t help but think that you not only condone her behavior but also encourage it.

    As we all do.

    PS- I’m thinking maybe it would be more effective if you just added a PS to this post and said “By the way, this reminds me of The People’s Party coming up this year.” To say the response would be a blowout would be an understatement.

    Megan {Velveteen Mind}’s last blog post..About This Baby

  72. OK I’m in… but we’ll be at Flemings tonight at the time with my ex boss and her husband. I’m just hoping that when I go under the table to do this, I don’t get mixed up and open up the wrong fly!

  73. I’m pretty sure that even though you substituted a 0 for an o in both porn and blow job, all those people who google porn with blow jobs are still totally going to show up on your blog. If I were you, I’d be pretty excited to see what kinds of awesome word combinations you get. Like “blow job porn” or “porn while getting a blow job” or “cat porn.” It’s totally gonna happen.

  74. In light of the card my guy sent me last night, I am 100% behind this idea. Or should I say he’s 100% behind me? I digress. But maybe you should revise the rules and make it 8pm Pacific Time. Twitter will be down for scheduled maintenance. Earning points without missing anything on the internet? That’s a win-win if I ever saw one.

    “We will be down for one hour of planned maintenance starting at 8p Pacific Friday.
    Twitter / Home (5 June 2009)

    The Smartest Girl In The World’s last blog post..[beginning in the middle]

  75. Jenny, this is a great thing you are doing. And my hubby wonders why I want to move to TX just so I can stalk you. Pretty sure once I read this blog post to him he will be packing the moving van. I can just imagine the men across the world meeting up with their buddies Saturday for golf (or at the bar or whatever the hell men do together on a Saturday morning) and saying “Did your wife spontaneously blow you last night and say it was from THE INTERNET!?!…huh…Your’s too. Wow. WTH”.

    PS. Who are all these wives that don’t do oral? No wonder divorce is so rampant! Ladies, keep your man’s belly full and his dick sucked and you won’t find out he’s doing his secretary behind your back. I’m just sayin’. That goes for the gals who like gals too. Keep your lady happy (which is infinitely harder than a hot meal and a 2 minute BJ but you made your choice!) and you won’t find out she is screwing her secretary (or the hottie next door or some guy, I know… eww…but it happens).

    Shit did I really type all that instead of thinking it. Crap I need coffee.

  76. So funny you mention this. I just wrote a post myself about my internet addiction. I think a BJ would be the perfect gift to my hubby for my additional web time. You’re a genius. Of course BJs work for many other apologies too- I’m going out with the girls tonight and that might be the perfect parting gift before I head out for dinner and drinks. Hmmm. . .thanks!

    Hope’s last blog post..Down in the Dumps (MMSM)

  77. Did you see this?
    @twitter: We will be down for one hour of planned maintenance starting at 8p Pacific Friday

    HOLY SHIT – You TOTALLY control the internet now!!!

    jlcs621’s last blog post..Donations

  78. Since you control the internet now, this actually means we will also have to think about Oprah giving Stedman a blowie. Blurg.

    jlcs621’s last blog post..Donations

  79. Ok, since my wife and I will both be raiding Tempest Keep at that time, how are we supposed to accomplish this? I mean 69 is all good and stuff, but jeez… it’ll make healing the raid a bit difficult.

    Also, how does one go about writing a crazy (but totally NON-stalky) fan letter to The Bloggess? I must be too stupid to find an email address or something.

  80. I’m officially OUT, even though I said I would before but Mr. Husband royally pissed me off last night and I still had regular sex with him, but I’m NOT sucking on his peen for anything. NOPE. Not gonna do it. Not even for the used lawnmower he bought me for my birthday. It’s a riding one, so it’s cool. No cup holder for my cocktail, but he says he can make one. He can make anything. I think he’s Amish or something. Now if one of those furious lesbians whould come over, I’d make some sort of mutual deal out…just saying. I’m an equal oportunist.

  81. Hi- just started enjoying your blog and read back in some older posts about your RA. SO sorry! I have had RA for over 7 years now (diagnosed at 27). WARNING: lots of history and medical advice! Prior to my current (second) pregnancy, I was on just Kineret (daily injectible) and fish oil. it doesn’t work for everyone but did miracles for me. If you are not feeling much better in a couple of moths from the methotrexate, read up on Kineret and the TNF inhibitors to see if you are okay with the risks. The faster it gets under control the less likely you are to have any permanent damage. A lot of doctors use Enbrel combined with meth as a first line defense. I started with plaquenil and diclofenac (anti-infammatory), then added sulfasalazine. worked for awhile, then after a weeklong illness had a flair and needed stronger meds. added kineret (I was really nervous about methotrexate for the hair loss and chemo reasons). Eventually to get me to 100% the doctor wanted to add the meth. I got so sick from it, was depressed, and was planning to start trying, that I stopped it after 6 months- though it did get me to total remission. I stayed at about 95% with the kineret and others. Throughout infertility I dropped to just the kineret and fish oil pills, and just did fish oil pills while pregnant. It took me about 2 years to get everything under control from the initial diagnosis, and I had some really rough patches in that first year. I had a revelation one day when my doctor told me with the current treatments available, I should be virtually pain free. I thought somehow suffering was part of having the disease. Regular exercise has been key to me. A healthy diet helps but is not the answer, as some web sites migth tell you. best of luck in managing this disease. It is really so much better than it used to be!

    SS’s last blog post..All’s well in the uterus; but not on the homefront

  82. My hubby is on a ship in the middle of the ocean, and because of all the Navy jokes that are out there I am taking precautions ( in case it is never know ) and NOT telling him about this. ‘Cuz I so totally don’t want any of the guys in his shop area on board to get any ideas. But I will totally diddle myself to raunchy internet pictures ( that I am saving right now to my desktop ) of Hugh Jackman and David Bowie for the hour. This has to be good enough, ‘cuz I don’t have a dog, and my only lesbian friend is two states away and I checked on airfare and there is NO WAY I can afford to have her flown out in time. Way too expensive. I’m too cheap to buy a man ( or woman ) hooker so yeah. Other than that, I’d say that this has to be your best idea EVER.

    Jessica A.’s last blog post..My taste buds/bladder are such sissies…

  83. I’d smash my laptop to kick off the “Friday Night BJs” effort. Of course, it would be the 10-year old back-up laptop, but who is checking processor speeds, right?

  84. Wow yeah, great idea. I totally am with you here, really into this! I absolutely plan to implement according to your clear direction (sort of like the hand of God kinda direction), except for the blow job part…right, and also the part about consciously staying off the internet. That may be tough. Maybe though what I could do then at some point when I’m not on the internet, would be to pleasure myself at some time in the future while thinking of your idea….
    You know though, that might throw me off my game so…..
    What the hell, why don’t you answer questions like that in your sex advice column? You know, like techniques for staying on your game and all instead of losing it to mental aberrations thinking about Twittering (tweets?)?
    Sort of lost where I was heading, hm?
    Semper fi

  85. I sent you a tweet but wanted to be sure you saw this…I SHUDDER at the power you yield woman! I logged into twitter this afternoon to see this note:

    We will be down for one hour of planned maintenance starting at 8p Pacific Friday.

    Apparently twitter is run by all gilted husbands that really want some head tonight..LMAO!!

  86. I read this post to my fiance.
    Fiance: So should I push back dinner ten minutes?
    Me: 8pm CENTRAL time.
    Fiance: Oh.
    Me: And who says you’re getting a blowjob anyway? I don’t spend much time on the Internet.
    Fiance: Yes you do!
    Which is totally a lie, but now he feels like he’s missing out on some huge blowjob orgy.

    Stacey’s last blog post..Fitness Friday: Week 4

  87. I want to know how you get the little people icons beside their twitter names. That’s what. Then I want to know exactly when 8pm “Central” is because until yesterday I thought I was Pacific because, yes, I’m geographically challenged. And now I have birthday parties in my agenda book all starting at 5pm. When really they start at 2 or something. Please don’t tell anyone…. It’s an embarrassing little problem….

    Haley-O’s last blog post..P-P-P-Poker Face: The Bloody Eye (Viewer Discretion Is Advised)

  88. Oooh, I’d better hurry up and get off the computer, then! You are the greatest. I can’t wait to see how happy my wife will be when I tell her about the Internet’s gift… though I have a sinking feeling she may be less than impressed with how she makes out in this deal. Cause I’d be right back on here and then she’d be confused.

    But then I’d read her some of my blog posts, and she’d be so happy she made that sacrifice, because only then could she get the sweet, dreamless slumber that only my blog posts about stories she’s already heard can bring.

    LiteralDan’s last blog post..Arsonist Bridezilla drags victims from burning safehouse

  89. Okay, I’m writing fast because it is literally 7:59 on Friday night. I never ever comment because you already have like a cazillion and I know that you don’t really read these comments and I’m never funny. But I had to let you know that I DO read, but I don’t comment, and I’m going to give “Poor Joe” his BJ now. He’s suddenly very impressed with your blog.

    Lin’s last blog post..Frogs and Friendship

  90. By the way on the cable station WGN they are playing Red Dawn. I wonder if they are trying to prevent you from giving Oral to Victor. You know instead of being distracted by the internet you will be distracted by Pat Swayze and C thomas Howell.

    William’s last blog post..Cease and Desist

  91. This is the Best. Blog. Ever. I’m sending today’s inspirational message to my wife right now. And if you ever run for president, you get my vote.

  92. Consider it done. No really. My husband (who linked the post to me) says thanks.

  93. You are a genius. A mad genius, sure, but a genius nonetheless. (Also? Not that the whole internet needs to know this? But I am a big fan of the surprise blow-job. We’ll be celebrating our 18th anniversary in a week, thankyouverymuch.)

  94. My wife (ammer – see above comment) has been asking me to catch up on reading this entry for 2 days, but I never did. And now, she just noticed the time and was upset that she forgot something, and then bugged me again about this entry. So, I’m finally reading it now and I have 2 thoughts.

    1 – Crap!!!!
    2 – Wait, according to Jenny, this was supposed to be a surprise blowjob without any prior explanation, which means it was her responsibility, and I have no fault in forgetting about this at all. But, now that I do know about it, I have the right to be upset with her for not meeting her responsibilities as a wife.

    WazNeeni’s last blog post..Arrogant Dickhead

  95. Just had a giant fight with my husband. Oh well.

    Can you do this again next week?

  96. Preparation and planning out the window. Hubs fell asleep.

    All that Jawzercise for nothing. Anyone need me to crack walnuts with my teeth?

    Karen’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

  97. I TOLD you I wasn’t going to participate because A: it’s my birthday and I don’t think I should have to suck on his peen, B: he royally pissed me off last night and C: bought me a used lawnmower for my birthday (riding…OK and an iPod Touch, which is totally cool). But I gave him regular sex and he…wait for it…thought it was a gift TO ME. Never mind that Twitter (ie The Internet) is STILL shut down…who is STILL sucking dick?? Can’t the PTB turn it back on?? I’ve got wittisism’s to post…Bloggess: i demand: WORK YOUR MAGIC and get this shit taken care of. NOW. (or tomorrow…whatever you can fit in).

  98. I’m so jealous. I’m still 3 days away from a blow job. Unless you can e-mail me one. Would you, Jenny? Would you e-mail me one?

  99. My husband hasn’t been on Twitter for a week and all his pals are @-ing me with “wtf?” and stuff, which makes me all “Am I @nosredna’s keeper? He has to work, people!” but now I can just say, “Oh, he’s in the bedroom waiting for Jenny to call another all-internet BJ event. ” Also, could throw in a long blond wig special offer with this “marketing” event/trend you’re starting? I’d buy one from you.

    juliejulie’s last blog post..Malibu Stacey’s Hot and @juliejulie Cheats

  100. I have read this post at least 4 times since you wrote it. I adore you and your writing. Now if you could stop having a life and just write some more, that would be great.

    Although I must say, I keep trying to explain random miracles that happen in day to day life to my other half by claiming it was from the internet, but apparently a poop in the shape of Jesus doesn’t cut it. Guess I’ll have to get on my knees for more than just prayin’ huh?

  101. My SO was out of town this Friday, so I postponed it to next Friday, and I promise to make her scream out your name. 🙂

  102. Okay… but do we really have to do it for a whole hour? How about blow jobs for like ten minutes then dunkin donuts or a cigarette or whatever does it for you for the last 50 mins? Or how about donuts AND blow jobs, AT THE SAME TIME??? Gotta go–I’m SO turned on right now…

    Just Barely’s last blog post..Slugs, Beer, and a Post that makes no sense

  103. Holy shit, you’re f’ing hilarious! How am I just now finding your blog/advice colum/sex column???? Anyway, I’m in except for that my boyfriend will just think that I want something since he thinks thats what random blowjobs mean. Only it’s not, and I don’t but I’m going to give it a try, because Who the hell doesn’t like random blowjobs??? Maybe I’ll get one….. Gotta go give this a try…. I know I’m late anyway…

    Asha’s last blog post..Confessions of a Bad Mother

  104. While I think this is an awesome idea, my partner is working at 8pm Central Time. She is a caregiver assistant for a client in a nursing home. I suspect if I were to show up and go with the plan most of the residents would be oblivious to our ‘goings on’.

    Lola’s last blog post..What’s Wrong With Our Youth/Get Off My Lawn

  105. I can’t let my husband read your latest post – he will be so dissapointed to see that we missed last Friday’s event! Anyways, just discovered your blog and I think it’s hillarious. Hopefully we can get a rain check on the Friday BJ/Blackout party.

    Mountain Momma’s last blog post..PookieMomma

  106. jenny,
    you know you totally fucked me with this post right? RIGHT? the beast clicked the link from my blog to yours and read this. he chose TODAY to read you after all this time I have been trying to shove you down his throat??!?? and now I have to shove him down MINE?? you have no idea how unthankful I am. right. now.
    i still love you and all, but really???? why jenny??? why??????????????

    Dana’s last blog post..Ode to Neosporin

  107. Ok- maybe I missed it somewhere, but did you have this plan and THEN Twitter decided to jump on it and do maintenance at that time… or did you know about that beforehand. Hilarious either way.


  108. Wow. Say the word blowjob and your comments almost triple.
    I’m single so if you want to send me a hot guy to give a blw job to, I’d be happy to partcipate.

  109. That totally reminds me of something…

    Last week I was bitching with a colleague about how this guy we work with is a douche, like major D-Bag, and he ends the bitch session with, “yeah, that guy is such a blow job.” And I’m all, “How is being a blow job a bad thing?”

    Worst. Insult. Ever.

    SassyTwoSocks’s last blog post..Men. [alternate title: Why acronyms exist…]

  110. This is honestly the most awesome thing that any human being has ever written in the history of the planet.

  111. That’s a fucking awesome idea. My husband and I were having the exact same conversation last night. But then I went back to Twitter and he went back to Wii. But tomorrow night, it’s on. And then I’ll be free to Twitter, Facebook and blog for the next week. Men are so easy to please. I mean manipulate.

    Kami Lewis Levin’s last blog post..Handing Over the Reigns

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