It’s kind of like a World of Warcraft quest except instead of winning the Magical-Shield-of-Reckoning it ends with blow-j0bs and unfettered access to the internet

You know how when everyone is on twitter and you can’t get off and your husband is yelling at you that you’ve been on the internet for four straight hours and you’re all “I’ll get off as soon as everyone else gets off” but then more people show up and you get sucked into watching Garfunkel and Oates videos for another two hours and then your husband threatens to put you in rehab because you have “some sort of an addiction” and you’re all “Well, it’s not an ‘addiction’ when you play World of Warcraft for two days straight” and he’s all “That was a group quest and the elves were depending on me for my resurrection powers” and then he says something about how you haven’t showered since yesterday and you’re all “That’s not true” but you don’t actually say it out loud because you’re too busy responding to Wil Wheaton even though you know he’s never going to reply to you but it doesn’t hurt to try and then your husband stomps off doing that loud, horrible huffy sigh thing that makes you want to stab him in the face a whole bunch?

That sucks. for. everybody.  And that’s why I propose that all of us get off the internet this Friday at 8 pm Central for one hour to give our husbands/boyfriends/life-partners/roommates blow-jobs.  And I know you’re suspecting that I’m tied up in a corner and that Victor is writing this and I appreciate your concern but actually, no, it’s me and hear me out.  So we’re all off the internet at the same time so no one has to feel like they’re missing anything, plus when you give your honey a surprise blowjob he’s going to be all “WTF was that all about?” and then you give him this smoldering, over-the-shoulder glance and be all “Oh that?  That was from the internet”.  And then he’ll be all “YOU SHOULD BE ON THE INTERNET ALL THE TIME”.  And then we all win.

Also, if you are single then bonus for you too because you can download p0rn faster during that hour since everyone else is going be off the internet.  Or you could use that time to troll for other single people on twitter who are also not having oral sex.  Because now you have something in common.  I’m like the greatest matchmaker ever.  

Comment of the day: What are we suppose to do for the other 50 minutes? ~ QOTFU

240 replies. read them below or add one

  1. I’m in.

    Susan Lindgren’s last blog post..Back to the Grind

  2. My husband already wants you to sign his big ol’ bare chest. This will have him bending over for you!

    Jenny 867-5309’s last blog post..Scared mad

  3. I’ll offer to get off the computer if someone gives ME a blow job.

    Mr Lady’s last blog post..Housekeeping I’ll Actually Do

  4. I’m down with that — if you know what I mean.

  5. I’m not going to give anyone’s husband or boyfriend a blowjob. I don’t care how cool Wil Wheaton says you are.

    Also, guess who isn’t in the Hot Blogger Calendar? Wil Wheaton, that’s who. You don’t owe him anything.

    Backpacking Dad’s last blog post..A Composer of Unrivalled Skill and Inspiration

  6. I pretend to be off the internet every Friday at 8pm anyway, in order to give the impression that I have a life. This shouldn’t be too hard.

  7. The internet in general is a group quest for awesomeness. Same thing.

    Maxie’s last blog post..TMI Thursday: What’s That Smell?

  8. I think your proposition would make my husband so thankful that I read blogs.

    Can we make t-shirts for all those that abide? You know…. father’s day is around the corner and I have no clue what to buy him.

    OHmommy’s last blog post..I don’t care what you say. He’s happily married to a manipulator.

  9. How did you know my life story?

    POTFU’s last blog post..I use YouMail for my other cell phone’s voicemail (yes I…

  10. I can tell it’s you and not Victor, because you are truly the QUEEN of the run-on sentence and Victor could never imitate that. Not with with conviction, anyway. You… you run on with FEELING.

  11. this is the best idea ever. except, i can make him take a shower first, right? i mean, work ballz? no thanks.

    mylittlebecky’s last blog post..another cup of stickiness (tmit)

  12. 12
    Judy Doojie

    This is epic. I’d high five you if I could.

  13. I don’t know whether to be impressed or concerned that you’re allotting an HOUR…

    And, great…now I’m wondering if anyone has evah tweeted while doing the same….

    Robin’s last blog post..Happy feet…very

  14. My husband thanks you in advance!

    Lula’s last blog post..Here we go

  15. Okay! But my kids are still up at that time so it could be awkward. I guess I should point them in the direction of the helpful porn benefit that this worldwide sensation will allow. It’s time they learned how the world really works. I should be back online by 8:02.

    Jacquie’s last blog tu, Conan?

  16. Since I’m male and straight and unattached, I’ll beg off on the blow job part. But you go right ahead.

    OpinionatedGifts’s last blog post..California

  17. My boyfriend has a new appreciation for blogs thanks to you, and still doesn’t understand twitter, but I’m guessing if I explain it’s because of you and twitter that he’s getting extra head on Friday, he’ll stop asking questions.

    kateanon’s last blog post..pressure and pouncing

  18. *waving* Hi honey! It’s a date!

    Actually now I have no choice since I turned my hubby onto you.

    But dear, do remember that I have a sore throat and be gentle?

    Pop and Ice’s last blog post..I Don’t Like Tuesday

  19. This idea SUCKS. Get it? Because you know, you, um…right.

    Miss Thystle’s last blog post..Not Picasso

  20. What are we suppose to do for the other 50 minutes?

  21. Oh, and Eliza Dushku never answers me back, either. She’s probably pretty sure I’m a sicko living in a hole in the wall in my mom’s basement. If she’s given it that much thought.

    So….you know…stalk away at Wil.

    OpinionatedGifts’s last blog post..California

  22. I’m with Backpacking Dad. Now .. I vote to get off the computer to GET a blowjob. Much better IMO.

    Edward Traxler’s last blog post..Mayan temples reveal story of a doomed culture [Digg]

  23. Great idea! Though I may be instructed to spend MORE time on the internet, which is great and everything, but you just know that someone’s going to get all excited everytime I sit down at the computer.

    Karen’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

  24. and won’t it be fun to give my husband a BJ right there on the line in the restaurant kitchen where he will be working at 8:00 pm on Friday night. Won’t the other boys in the kitchen be jealous and think I’m the coolest wife in the whole world. What a great idea.

    momranscreaming’s last blog post..a Ferrari would have been fun though

  25. are you going to provide the man for me Bloggess? Cause there is NO way I’m blowing the dogs.. I mean.. first.. they’ve got no balls so.. of course.. no hard ons.. not like I’ve looked or anything.. but.. I don’t have anyone to blow

    comictragedy’s last blog post..What’s Up Wid Dat??

  26. At first I thought to myself, “I’m in. Another brilliant idea from The Bloggess.” – but THEN I started thinking about it, and really…if I did that it would just be bad news. I couldn’t help but start thinking about all my other bloggity friends that were doing the same thing (you, of course, would be wearing curlers). Then I would laugh, my technique would be all wrong, God forbid there could be teeth, and maybe he breaks up with me before this relationship has even really started ALL because you wanted me to give him a blowjob at 8pm. No. Absolutely not. I’ll have no part of this.

    Cory’s last blog post..Madeline Alice Spohr

  27. I’m out. But before you beat me to death, here’s why.

    When my SO bitches about me being on the internet it is really so he can get on the internet and jack off to whatever hockey blogs he reads. So then he would be getting a blow job and surfing the internet and how is that fair? THEN it will be like classical conditioning where if he bitches about time spent on the internet he gets rewarded by being able to both surf the internet and get a blow job at the same time and then he will expect it all the time and it will NEVER END!!!!

    You know what that means? It means that I will never be able to read your blog again because I will be on my knees beside the computer with my mouth full. THAT, ma’am, is my own personal version of hell.

    melistress’s last blog post..Slow Down, You Move Too Fast

  28. We’ll be camping with my daughters entire Kindergarten class at 8pm on Friday. Wondering how to make that work without scarring a child for life…

    Elaine’s last blog post..TWO whole day into "fire season" & it comes home

  29. Srsly? I’m trying to convince my husband that no one give blow jobs anymore… that they’re old-fashioned. You’re really fucking up my roll here.

    Amber Mc’s last blog post..I’m going going, back back, to A Z… a z…

  30. This is, like, the most evil genius idea EVAR. They think it’s for them, but really? It’s just a little present for us.

  31. My tongue isn’t long enough to give my husband a blowjob since he’s out of town.

    So I’m totally open to giving you or Victor one.

    Just let me know.

  32. my boyfriend would give you a high five. actually, i’m pretty sure all significant others will give you a high five.

    Allison’s last blog post..DVR was my friend

  33. 1) Do you peep in our windows. I SWEAR we’ve had that exact conversation.

    2) My husband has already had his semi-annual BJ. So I won’t participate this time.

    LizzB’s last blog post..Modern Magic!

  34. Are the boyfriends/husbands/whatever allowed to tweet their blowjob responses? That could seriously reclog the internet.

  35. BEST POST EVER! And that’s not just cuz I’m a guy… I mean, you mention online gaming, Twitter and blow jobs. You’re husband must be living in some kind of geek paradise.

    Andy’s last blog post..Undead Dog Dream

  36. If I’m single can I just masturbate for the duration?

    shine’s last blog post..Toilet Paper, Punctuation, Then and Than, and Why Things are Always Better MY WAY.

  37. Wow, I’ll join the crowd and say this is totally the BEST blog post I’ve read in a LONG time! I’m sharing this with everyone. Thank you SO much for putting this out into the world!


  38. Your husband is a very lucky man to be getting a B-jobby from such a funny broad. You make me laugh, and that takes allot. I owe my husband one for picking up dinner last night… when he wanted payment at around 10PM, I faked a toothache. That was mean of me, so okay… I’m in. Keep up the good work, you are great.

  39. 39

    OMG … This is the best idea EVER! You are a GENIUS. And my DH will worship at your feet … as soon as I’m done and back on the internet.

  40. Wait a second…the presence of World of Warcraft AND blowjobs in the same place? I think a black hole is about to emerge from my computer. I’m running away now.

    Fuiru’s last blog post..New Art Exhibition: Lost Cat by the Wilson Family

  41. hmm, i will be at a hotel with my girls but it does have a hot tub, so he might just have to accept a hand job instead. i’m not going underwater for that. fabulous idea though!!

  42. That’s not gonna work because my kids will still be awake. Could we make it 9? And do we have to post pictures? I’m all about the rules.

    Lunasea’s last blog post..We Like This Book

  43. Srsly? I already use this technique so I can stay on the Internet. When my husband gets all huffy and stomps around and demands that I get off the Internet I break for the 5 minutes it takes to give him a BJ and then he feels like he won and usually goes to sleep and I get right back on barely having missed anything feeling superior.

    Jennifer Taggart, TheSmartMama’s last blog post..Green your cleaning: make your own homemade scrub

  44. This post is relevant to my interests.

    SciFi Dad’s last blog post..And Now For Something Completely Different

  45. 8PM? What if we like our blowjobs in the morning? Why do we have to follow your schedule of blowjobbing? Selfish.

    Neil’s last blog post..What Happens in Vegas, Gets Blogged About in Vegas

  46. Methinks this is brilliant. Or. You know, if I had a brain that wasn’t turned to mush by The Internet then I would think it was brilliant. But my non-brilliant Internet-Mushified brain instead directs me to refresh my Google Reader again JUST IN CASE.

  47. I recently started Twittering to drive people to my famous blog and now I’m hooked.

    Hooked I tells ya.

  48. The gender dynamic of this scenario is reversed in my house. This wasn’t always true, though when it was my wife on the computer for hours on end it wasn’t Twitter, it was the Sims. I don’t think she’s realized the irony of being jealous of my imaginary friends on Twitter.

    Anyway, I know this isn’t your advice column, but since you haven’t answered any of my questions over there yet, I have one for you here. Should I send her this post “accidentally” so I’ll get a blowjob tomorrow, or should I instead go down on her?

    By the way, 8pm Central is 6pm Pacific, so expect some awkwardness as I tongue my wife in front of our two young children and possibly our nanny.

    badassdadblog’s last blog post..happy birthday, little brother

  49. I’m married. You know us married gals don’t do that kind of stuff anymore, right? Right?!

    Andria and Co.’s last blog post..Family Feud

  50. If I am already getting a BJ daily, what would my Firday @ 8 alternative be?

    One Love.

    Eddie Lynn’s last blog post..Yeah, I’m Famous

  51. 51
    Deirdre Bunny

    It’s been years since I’ve given a guy a blowjob, but I think I still have the hang of it. I’d be willing to go down on anyone playing a Dwarven Warrior in exchange for spaulders.

    Throw in an epic axe and I’ll swallow!

  52. I just told my wife that I would get off the computer Friday night so that she could give me a blowjob. She kicked me in the balls. Did I not read your instructions correctly??

    BusyDad’s last blog post..Next Comes "Can You Drop Me Off a Block Away?"

  53. I presume you are talking to your female (or gay male) audience with this one. Or else, it is an *interesting* variant on the “everyone take your phone off the hook at the same time so the phone company can blow the dust out of the lines” meme…


    EdT.’s last blog post..New York Style or Chicago Deep-Dish? The question is now somewhat of a moot point

  54. […] blogs. Especially Jenny, The Bloggess, and the girly crush I have on her. After reading what she wroteearlier, I think he’s going to have a crush on her also: You know how when everyone is on […]

  55. I’m so talented– I can give a BJ WHILE playing on the internet, so logging off? TOTALLY NOT NECESSARY.

    Y’s last blog post..I was embarrassed to post this, but then I thought "It is what it is and I am who I am."

  56. Im soo in! Its a wonderful idea!

  57. Brilliant idea. It’s like Earth Hour except way more fun and without all of the hippies.

    HA Guy’s last blog post..How To Not Exhibit Good Personal Hygiene

  58. Oh, and I’m doing my part, by spreading the word. *Sigh*

    Andria and Co.’s last blog post..Family Feud

  59. I don’t think it’s gonna work. Some people wil still go on Twitter because they’re big jerks.

    Black Hockey Jesus’s last blog post..Old Spice Puberty Day

  60. From one of your lesbian readers: If you don’t split hairs about terminology, women can receive blow jobs too. Head is head. So all you straight guys who are protesting, go give a woman head on Friday. It’s the same thing, silly.

  61. Already there. Hulu’s been sucking my brain but good lately, as well. Good to have you online with us, too, to explain it to the ‘others’. Now where’s that video again? -clicks link- 😀

  62. Excellent plan. When is National Cunnilingus From The Internet day?

    corrin’s last blog Blog Awards

  63. I’m going to tell my husband about this. Only I’m going to tell him that you said he was supposed to pleasure me and I’m going to tell him it’s every Friday for the next month. And I do not have to reciprocate. So when he emails to confim…you have my back, k ?

    WM’s last blog post..If I was a comedian this would all be much funnier…only I’m not and couldn’t even begin to dream up how to make it funny

  64. Two words that should never be used in the same sentence: “blow job” and “my husband”.

    Okay, I guess that’s four words, but you get the picture. Not happening. Not friday, not ever. Maybe for a new laptop.

    Devil’s Daughter-in-Law’s last blog post..The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far From the Psycho Tree

  65. Yeah.. from 8-9pm? we’re putting the kids to bed… so, for one, I’m ALWAYS off at that time. and two??…. guess it’s a good thing we put that lock on the bedroom door finally!

    I’m in!

    (though I must admit.. I prefer Mr Lady’s idea..)

  66. Can’t we just 69 with our laptops?

    Meg’s last blog guess is as good as yours.

  67. I farted my arms off

    furiousBall’s last blog new service – the bad movie crapper

  68. Dying over Busy Dad and badassdad’s comments! I’m a World of Warcraft widow. Tomorrow at 6:00 (I’m in CA) is smack in the middle of dinner. And get this: one of my husband’s guild members (clan? crew? cult?) is staying over tonight through tomorrow. They’d never met face to face until this week. They guy has been telling my son to call him by his character name! Anyway, I’m not sure I want to ask this guy to keep an eye on my son while I blow my husband but it’s an excellent idea!

    Melanie @ Mel, A Dramatic Mommy’s last blog post..(Almost) Wordless Wednesday: Artsy

  69. I don’t know anyone who would disagree with you on this. Let’s do.

    Miss Rosa’s last blog post..The Perils of Aging

  70. This is one post I WILL NOT read to The Hubster. 😉

    Akilah Sakai’s last blog post..Ballerinas Wear Ice Skates … Sometimes

  71. Well, since it will only take about 2 minutes of my attention away from Twitter and the rest of the Internet, I guess I can do it.

    Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for children’s last blog post..Less Staff Sergeant, More Loosy Goosey

  72. My husband is out of town. What do you suggest I do?

    Kristine’s last blog post..Go On Now, Get Out of Here

  73. My husband already gets that enough. Why can’t it be something for moi? Like Diamonds. Or Cash.

  74. Blow jobs make the world go ’round, that’s what I always say.

    MJ’s last blog post..Reversing a trend {week 4}

  75. Is it required to actually be actively giving the blow job for the entire hour? Because people could get injured. I don’t want to have to explain to my boss on Saturday why my mouth is stuck in the bj position.

  76. I just saw I’m the 69th poster. N-A-U-G-H-T-Y!!

    Shouldn’t we all ‘get off’ Friday – literally – and use that position instead so it’s a win-win for both parties???

    Akilah Sakai’s last blog post..Ballerinas Wear Ice Skates … Sometimes

  77. ok, but I have TMJ, so I’m only going to log off for ten minutes.

    Marinka’s last blog post..Baking Soda, Vinegar, Maybe Oil for Flavor?

  78. What is this mythical blow job thing you are refferring to?

    William’s last blog post..Memory Lane

  79. My husband would be all “who are you and how did my wife hire an exact duplicate and she’s still on the internet isn’t she? I mean….. oh baby (whatever)”

    Either way I like it. Now I have to go find a doppleganger.

    harmzie’s last blog post..More Vaseline

  80. If this doesn’t happen in my household, can you please suspend my wife’s membership to the Bloggess Fan Club?

    (should this not happen due to the 3 week old twins in the house, I suppose you can hold off on the suspension, at least for an hour or two)

    cyniclite’s last blog post..Sleep deprived conversations continued…

  81. Since I’m gay and single, I’ll use the allotted hour to pay attention to my new blue dolphin.

    Jane’s last blog post..Eight Year Old Pedicurist, “The Dragon Girl”, Won’t Face Charges

  82. 82
    moonshine molly

    We each have our laptops and he never complains about me being online, in fact I’m pretty sure he’d complain if I tried to make him get off the internet for said blowjob. How about some kinky bdsm sex? Now that I think we can both agree on.. Course I may be gone for longer than an hour.. Thx for the idea!

  83. 83
    Mighty Hunter

    Should have written this post earlier. Oh well. *sigh

  84. Ok I am in. This better work b/c if I have to listen to one more pouty comment about my time on twitter/internet I was gonna have to withhold all offerings, all together.

    Lu’s last blog post..Sneak Attack

  85. We’re supposed to be in the movies at that time on Friday. That’s still ok, right?

    Chrystal’s last blog post..All Cried Out

  86. This idea of yours is freaking amazing!! I’m mad I hadn’t thought of it myself. Damn!!

    Tee aka The Diva’s Thoughts’s last blog post..Lord Help Me!

  87. Blowjobs are versatile. You can give those anywhere. 😉

    carpeviam’s last blog post..A change in race distances + RANT & RAVE

  88. Just curious — will Victor be live-blogging the happy occasion? A blow-by-blow account, if you will?

    Also, you’re usually so good about lesbian parity, how did we get left out of your original post? An update to add us in would be awesome!

  89. You expect me to give him something from the Internet that’s better than what I gave him for his birthday? He’d totally leave me for Wil Wheaton.

    Cat’s last blog post..I Could Say This Is Relevant To Something, But That Would Be Misleading

  90. AN HOUR??? Do I have to touch his balls too? It’s my fucking birthday tomorrow and don’t WANT to give Mr. Husband a blowjob, even though he got me that really cool new iPod Touch. Which I LOVE. More than blow jobs, I might add. Can I tke a valium and drink a little during this hour? I’m just saying you only said ‘8pm and a bj’. But what else can I do during that hour that includes him?

  91. I was once told that once I had a wedding ring on my finger, I’d never have to give a blowjob again. However, my husband and I have made such an effort not to conform to any marital stereotypes that I have spent four years making sure that wasn’t true. Also, my wedding ring is currently being checked by the jewelers for loose prongs or spyware or whatever they check it for, so it’s off the finger. So blow him, I shall. And I’ll have 55 minutes to spend reading or something before I can get back on the internet again!

    Jessica’s last blog post..Trading snow shovels for sunscreen

  92. Can you reschedule? My wife’s in overseas Friday and her neck and my thang are only average length.

    always home and uncool’s last blog post..Making "Chick Chat" Uncool

  93. OMG, I just had this fight last night. He’s all, “You can’t whine that I don’t pay enough attention to you when the only attention you have to give IS TO THE INTERNET.” And I’m like, “FUCK YOU, SOMEDAY I WILL BE A FAMOUS WRITER AND THEN YOU’LL THANK THE INTERNET FOR ALL THE MONEY YOU’LL BE ROLLING IN WHICH I WOULD BE NICE ENOUGH TO ALLOW YOU TO USE FOR PURCHASES THAT I APPROVE,” and he told me that I would not be getting any special touching, and that when I’m famous, if I don’t share he’ll just divorce me and make me pay him alimony and then remarry someone hot who doesn’t know what the Internet is. He will be BEYOND THRILLED at your plan. Also, he may imagine I’m you, which I think he does anyway since you posted that video.

    emvandee’s last blog post..LAMBURGER!

  94. I’m like the greatest matchmaker ever.

    Yeah, except you completely left lesbians out of the equation. AGAIN.

    CLD’s last blog post..Get Off Your Ass

  95. So I read him your blog post and he started laughing all Bevis and Butthead style. And still didn’t want to give me the unfettered internet access, but he works away from home, so really, WHY am I doing this when he’s gone all time and can’t bug me and my Internet additcion anyway? So now he’s expection a blowjob on MY BIRTHDAY. Thanks.

  96. I will totally be at a concert at 8 p.m on Friday but I’ll do my best. If I get arrested I’m pointing the cops in your direction.

    Emily’s last blog post..It takes a real genius (or someone who is afraid of spiders) to break a $400 vacuum

  97. group sex…group sex…group sex.

    My husband? he lovez you. Nowz, he will lovez you moar.

    Wonder how many times this gets retweeted?


    T@SendChocolate’s last blog post..You can’t do the Time Warp again

  98. ROTFLMAO! Wow, just wow. The comments are hilarious as well.

    I guess I’ll be one of the desperate have no one to give a blow job to INTERNET geeks while everyone else is doing the deed. I’ll be thinking of you ALL. LOL

    Amazing Greis’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday – Guess what I’m doing this summer!

  99. My husband will not be home, so I can take advantage of the internet porn, I suppose. Thanks for clearing out the internet for me.

    a’s last blog post..Perspectives

  100. Yeah – I can do it…..and in the other 57 minutes I’m off the Internets I can get quite a bit of cleaning done!

    Mindi’s last blog post..Free Panty from Victoria’s Secret

  101. Fucking Brilliant.

    peedee’s last blog post..I’m Just A Girl

  102. by my calculations it’s about that time, anyway.

    don’t get me wrong, the boyfriend gets tongue action all the time…just not the whole time needed for the cake to cook…i’m assuming you know what i mean.

    anyhow. it’s kind of like when you get a parking ticket and you wait until the last possible day to pay it.

    yeah, start to finish blowjobs are like parking tickets.


    andy’s last blog post..where did you think crackwhore patrons came from?

  103. Somewhere The Daver is smiling and he has no idea why.

    Becky’s last blog post..Got Enough Guilt To Start My Own Religion

  104. Is that 8PM EST? That’s 3AM in the morning in my time zone.

    Zeynep’s last blog post..Utter confusion

  105. You are so completely awesome I can hardly stand it.

    Also? My face now hurts from smiling so hard while reading this out loud to my husband. I blame you. You and your insane humor!

    Hatchet’s last blog post..Twenty Months

  106. So this is going to sound REALLY odd, but the BF is not a fan of the BJ! I know right? I swear to god I am good at it too, he is just one of those really rare amazing men who don’t really care for them! Score for me right? So instead I’ll tell him it works the other way around so I’ll be off (Ha ha “off”!) the internet then anyway.

    Summer’s last blog post..Damn Doctor Knows Best

  107. Hubby will love this. I can see it now, he’ll suggest this become a nightly ritual…I’ll tell him he’s on crack. He’ll try to work his negotiating skills and be all “okay then, let’s make it weekly” and I’ll agree. Damn negotiating skills. If hubby wasn’t good at returning the favor, he would be so screwed – and not the way he likes it.

  108. This post was sponsored by Listerine wasn’t it? Scope?

    Are you TRYING to give us throat cancer?

    AnissaMayhew’s last blog post..Rice and Buttons

  109. Blow job = Head = oral sex. There, I fixed it for you. You’re welcome.

    Mommica’s last blog post..Now I’m an art connoisseur

  110. Well, I think it’s a great idea. Except in my part of the world, 8pm central happens on 11am the next day.

    I think I’m going to need to book a meeting room at work…

    mr sketchy’s last blog post..CLMs

  111. This is a win/win for us. He’ll be getting a blow job and then I’ll get a present because he’ll assume it’s our anniversary.

    Miss Yvonne’s last blog post..TMI Thursday: Yeast Ya Later!

  112. So I tweeted about it and Chris Gore retweeted it and then made a hash tag for it. There are only two entries that relate to it right now, everything else is some porn star talking about how she’s going to do three blowjob scenes or something, I stopped paying attention halfway through reading those ones. Anyway. There’s an #BJFriday now and it’s all because of you.

  113. My husband is already on the Internet. So do we give total strangers blowjobs? I’m confused.

    the slackmistress’s last blog post..RIP, David Carradine.

  114. Hells no. I don’t give blow jobs unless I’ve been gifted with jewelry or a weekend away with my girlfriends. But I’ll get off the internet for an hour to eat some ice cream or read Us Magazine. Sure. Why the hell not?

    blissfully caffeinated’s last blog post..Beatles Rock Band Trailer: Just about the coolest thing I’ve ever seen

  115. OH my god. I’m in. LOL!

    My husband will thank you…Weirdly enough.

    Seraphim’s last blog post..I’m alive.

  116. For anyone who hasn’t given a blowjob in a really long time >cough cough<. Check out blowjob girl on youtube. She’s wearing a green shirt. It’ll give you step by step instructions on how guys REALLY like it! Trust me. I’m doing what she says on Friday at 8pm.

  117. I am showing this entry to my boyfriend. Some days I’ll just be laying there in the bed, as naked as a person can get without being skinless (which I guess removes like a LOT of fat from diet), legs spread open. And he’s like “I’m hungry!” And I’ll point between my legs expectantly. And then he’ll turn to the computer and be all “I wonder what kind of food I can get from the Internet?” And my vagina gets all cold. And nothing sucks more than cold vagina (shut up, Frosty the Snowcunt).

    Actually, I made all that up. It’s usually the other way around. But you can get PIZZA from the internet. Has my boyfriend’s penis ever spurted pizza at me? No, thank GOD.

    Miss Cinnamon’s last blog post..these stories are pretty awesome

  118. (Don’t mind me, nothing funny in this comment, move along — I’m trying to figure out why CommentLuv isn’t showing my blog and latest post in the comments here. It’s not taking new registrations for a few days, so I can’t fix it on that side of the problem. On my comment (#87) I deleted the part of the path name for the old post before submitting my comment, so maybe that’s why no blog post showed. I’ve entered a more recent blog post in the “Website” box as a test and workaround. Then when I can register with CommentLuv I’ll see if the problem on their side is an out-of-date FeedBurner URL–maybe it needs updating. I use the same theme as The Bloggess and it’s not letting me enter multiple RSS feed URLs, which would have been another workaround option. By the way, Jenny, I do think it is generous and wonderful of you to have CommentLuv. Thank you.)

  119. The august issue of Hustler has a cartoon of a guy going down on his wife while twittering away on his Crack berry “Less twitter and More Clitter”…

    Marla’s last blog post..Whined & Grind

  120. 120
    Ms Equality

    Where’s my BJ and where on the internet can my boyfriend learn how to do it properly!

  121. ANOTHER blow job this week????

    and no i am not just blowing my own horn!


    ps…….Married people no longer give blow jobs? how’d I miss that memo?

  122. (OK, I think I have CommentLuv figured out now. Thank you, Jenny, for providing it!)

    A Conservative Lesbian’s last blog post..My e-book on navigating the health care system and making end-of-life care choices

  123. Anissa – Well, it might give you throat cancer but it might also help you conceive.

    You’re welcome.

    Mr Farty’s last blog post..Airline Price War Escalates

  124. HAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAH! The hubby is totally for this!

    wright’s last blog post..Free Ice Cream

  125. Well . . . . OK… I ‘ve always found your wisdom contagious.. . . .

    I guess I could always blow my neighbor while our wives are out shopping,

    I don’t even know the guy.
    This is gonna be really awkward. . . . .

    And what guarantee do I have the son of a bitch doesn’t twitter about it right after………?

  126. I can’t. My husband is on TDY.

    Plus, and I know this makes me a total prude, but it’s really hard for me to put my mouth on something that pee comes out of. I’ve also seen my husband’s hygiene habits so that doesn’t help his case either.

    Amber’s last blog post..The Big Bang

  127. I am too fucking fat and too fucking pregnant to give any goddamned thing a goddamned blow job. My husband can go suck his own dick. If I tried right now I’d just throw up and probably send myself into preterm labor. So, great sentiment, but no fucking way.

    Sara Rose’s last blog post..A Birthday Menu

  128. […] 4, 2009 at 5:13 pm (Uncategorized) Ms. Bloggess recommends going down tomorrow night so go read this then quickly pass the link around so that I can have the internet all to myself for a few […]

  129. 129

    Fantastic idea! We’ll have to skip our sons High School graduation but hey that will make his college graduation that much more special. WAIT I’VE GOT IT! How about blow-job Friday every week. I think we’ve got a winner here.
    TXPoppets spouse.

  130. Your thought processes amaze me… I’m in

    Sue’s last blog post..Vintage 1954 Screenland magazine Liz Taylor movies TV

  131. As a Lesbian I would like to say, WTF??? You could have said just give the one you love/lust/etc. oral sex on the 8th…but no, you had to be all straight sex about it. is it because you come from Texas that you hate the gay? If you did not hate the gay you would not be putting those big ass curlers in your hair and blow drying it yourself, you would have some hairdresser named Jeffrey, Bruce or Jamie doing your hair and he would give you really cool advice about clothes and maybe talk you into bright blue streaks in your hair. You limit yourself and your world so much by hating the gay.

    BTW, June is Gay Pride month, so I am just practicing my ranting and self righteous indignation…how was that? I felt i could have been a little more blistering and used bigger words to give it more power…but unlike most dykes my vocabulary is limited. I skipped vocabulary day at gay school, I just knew I was going to regret that some day.

  132. i’m totes in

  133. 133
    Feminist slut

    So what about the chicks? I’d rather recieve than give. IOW: Boys, start paying attention to the pussy.

  134. I think I just heard everyman in the world scream HELL YEAH!!!!!

  135. Risley, #129–

    If you want to rant at Jenny, especially about lesbian parity, which she usually remembers and definitely supports, you are going to have to go through me first. Plus, I already asked her about it nicely — give her some time to get to it!

    Why don’t you spend the time on Friday night boning up — yes, I said it — on the reason WHY June is Gay Pride month. I’ll get you started: 40 years ago this month, queens at the Stonewall Inn gay bar in New York City finally had it with the police raids and rioted for days.

    Or, have a pleasant evening shopping on the Interwebs at the sites purveying the lovely silicone sculptures our people have pioneered, almost — yes, I’m going to say it — single-handedly.

  136. “Oral sex” is not as funny as “blow job” and personally (yes, I realize it’s wrong) I’ve always used “blow job” interchangeably with “oral sex”. I think it comes from years ago on Mr. Show when Sarah Silverman demands to get a blow job for giving a blow job. And technically there’s no blowing being done either way unless you are doing it wrong (seriously, y’all. Don’t *do* that). Also, “hand-job” is totally gender-neutral for me too. I realize this confused the hell out of people when I’m having sex discussions but I can’t help it. “Finger-bang” is way too crude and cunnilingus is too hard to spell. Even spell check doesn’t have a suggestion for me when I write “cunnilingus”. Blow jobs for everybody…that’s my motto.

    Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to demand a blow job from my husband.

    PS. Skip to the end to see Sarah.

  137. Dear jenny. Hmm… internet or buying time… hmm… I don’t know. I’m not usually so longsighted as to see the benefit of this kind of reverse psychology plan. Anyways, your 8pm CST is probably when I’m asleep, so you’ll have to count me out. I’m not doing that one for the sisters.

  138. Oh, hey I’m totally in cause tomorrow 8pm your CST is like noon on a saturday for me, so I’ll be banned from the net anyway. Cause Mr Moi will be home.

    Little Miss Moi’s last blog post..At least there’s one thing I can’t feel guilty about

  139. That is an awesome idea, and if there were a man in my life he would most certainly be a lucky one tomorrow night. BTW another day y’all should mark on your calendar for this is March 14th, Steak and BJ day, like valentines, but for the guys….

    Trail MIx Cookie’s last blog post..Three sheets to the wind on a wickedly warm wednesday

  140. I don’t know. Fridays at 8 is when I de-jam my toes.

    Jody Reale’s last blog post..Fictional Ad Campaigns: Metamucil

  141. I’m more an “early morning fellate my husband sorta girl”.

    annie’s last blog post..Revision Boot Camp

  142. 142

    I just watched all of your posts on you tube and I think you are my new hero.

  143. I’m an amazing multi-tasker. Case in point: I’m giving my husband a blow-job right now, as I type this. He says “thank you”.

    Andrea’s Sweet Life’s last blog post..Tag – I’m It

  144. Now serving #133, conservative Lesbian, I live in Seattle, it is a gay mecca we all have rainbow flags tatted on our boobs and asses. Meet me at Toys in Babeland and we can discuss the ins and outs of the Lesbian lifestyle.

  145. Alright. But it’s going to be a hand job, I’ve got a gag reflex.

    Lotta’s last blog post..Ruby Red Vintage Glass Drops

  146. Um…yeah I was TOTALLY ‘IN’ even though I am married and you know….once you are married you just sort of prefer not to…especially when that person thinks its romantic to just drop their pants & stick their cock in your mouth from time to time….
    Still…I thought I should really make more of an effort, that was until I remembered what a cocksucker my husband & most men really can be……
    Now I am thinking I will set my alarm for 8pm & tell him to suck his own cock for an hour
    PS—- This message brought to you by the usual, annoying bullshit called a relationship

  147. Jenny,
    On behalf of all lesbians everywhere I would like to say we can accept the universality of “blow job” as a term for oral sex. From now on, if anyone gives you any lip about it, refer them to me, if you like. What we were asking for is inclusion in the list: “our husbands/boyfriends/roommates.” Wouldn’t it still be funny if it were absurdly long?: “our husbands/boyfriends/life partners/girlfriends/lovers/significant others/roommates” — the whole grab bag of people with whom a woman would be intimate if she could ever tear herself away from the Internet and from which comes the person on whom she would confer a bj in exchange for several blessed hours alone with her Internet and her Web people (which sounds like the inspiration for an awesome Halloween costume) and who would then be loathe to come between her and her Internet/Web people for fear of causing a lengthy drought in BJ Land?

    #141, my late life partner was from Issaquah, so I feel very sentimental about the Seattle area and its gay community, but I am on the East Coast, as a glance blog-ward will show. And I’d be surprised if I didn’t have about a 20-30 year headstart on you, as well. But it’s nice to be noticed, so thanks.

    A Conservative Lesbian’s last blog post..My e-book on navigating the health care system and making end-of-life care choices

  148. Wow! You are a woman of amazing influence. You make a suggestion that everyone get off the internet on Friday at 8, and what do I see on twitter? They’re shutting down Friday at 8 for “planned maintenance.” We all know they’ve been reading your blog, and that’s code for blowjobs. You’ve really started something huge, do you know that?

    Twitter Fail’s last blog post..Like Follows Like

  149. Victor needs to understand that you’re busy trying to change the world for all the lesbians! I mean, all he’s doing is saving mystical elves but you’re changing people’s lives!!

    You’re an activist and he should totally give you a amazing blow job for everything you do.

    Bow down Victor, bow down!

    LB @Wait, She Said What?’s last blog post..I cooked a tea kettle for dinner. What did you make?

  150. What are we supposed to do for the other 52 minutes?

  151. I’m down for giving BJ’s! I mean a BJ. A single BJ. Yeah, that’s what I meant.
    PS. Who the hell says BJ?

    Amanda of Shamelessly Sassy’s last blog post..Casanova

  152. My hubby just did a “Hail Bloggess.” I guess I’m in!

    Kristina Brooke’s last blog post..Tackle it Tuesday: Her Bedroom

  153. This will go hand in hand with my “If I Give 200 people $20 Blow Jobs, I have Enough $$ to Buy A Cheap Car,” so really, everybody wins.

  154. I had a blow-job once. Before the internet.

    Whit’s last blog post..Chick Chat – Now With Penis!

  155. Oh, if only I had a husband/boyfriend/roommate, I would SO do this. 🙂

    Becky’s last blog post..Feel your boobies!

  156. Can we all get off the Internet to give Wil Wheaton a blow job? Cause I’m up for that.

  157. […] The Bloggess, if or when you are listing the parties eligible, it is preferable to cast a wide net, like so: “our husbands/boyfriends/life partners/girlfriends/lovers/significant […]

  158. I promised The Bloggess my support have now delivered it with my post, “The Blow Job Equivalency.”

    A Conservative Lesbian’s last blog post..The blow job equivalency

  159. Very funny post :).

  160. I suspect you are a bit of a genius – best thing i’ve read in ages – cheers 😉

  161. I got my days mixed up and now tomorrow is gonna be so boring on Twitter.

  162. What’s a blow job?

    Lynn from For Love or Funny’s last blog post..The sky is falling

  163. Just kidding!!

    Lynn from For Love or Funny’s last blog post..The sky is falling

  164. I will sacrifice my hubby’s bj so that I can make sure the rest of you (especially YOU Blogess!) are holding up your end of the bargain!!!!!

    MYSUESTORIES’s last blog post..You Think I’m Hostile Now, Wait’ll Tonite!

  165. Wow. You’re so influential I think Twitter’s going down on Facebook tonight but clearly they missed the directions… it’s 8pm CENTRAL time… *tisk tisk*

    POTFU’s last blog post..I use YouMail for my other cell phone’s voicemail (yes I…

  166. 166

    alright, how much did my husband pay you to write this?

  167. Best. Post. Ever.

    Falstaff’s last blog post..Choices, Part 13

  168. Best. Idea. Ever!!!!!!! If I’m going to sacrifice the internet for an hour, it should be for a good cause, such as perfecting one of my very bestest skills.

    Lori’s last blog post..Fame, But No Fortune

  169. Best idea I’ve heard all week. It cements my decision to give myself an Internet timeout this weekend.

    Lynn @ human, being’s last blog post..Days of Grace: 93/365

  170. Can I just say…I love you. =) No seriously. You say things I think in my head, but when I put down on my blog…would probably LOSE me readers…but you. You are so funny and genuine. Love it. Thanks for the early morning blush and giggle. Have a great day ma’am!

  171. …do I have to cuddle after?

    William’s last blog post..Cease and Desist

  172. I’m very excited that it appears this will be the last post before your version of our official People’s Party announcement. So every time someone comes here to look at it and decides to check out your previous post, this is what they’ll get.

    I’d like to apologize to PBS in advance. Then again, you met Jenny last year and you should have known this was coming. Plus, you more or less pay for all of the drinks so I can’t help but think that you not only condone her behavior but also encourage it.

    As we all do.

    PS- I’m thinking maybe it would be more effective if you just added a PS to this post and said “By the way, this reminds me of The People’s Party coming up this year.” To say the response would be a blowout would be an understatement.

    Megan {Velveteen Mind}’s last blog post..About This Baby

  173. My husband totally gets you now. This is the post that won him over. Finally.

    Shawna’s last blog post..Miss Fortune

  174. I’ll be at work, but hey-what the Bloggess says, goes!

    All Hail The Mighty Bloggess!

    Michael’s last blog post..Game Fifty Four: Winning With Half A Heart

  175. OK I’m in… but we’ll be at Flemings tonight at the time with my ex boss and her husband. I’m just hoping that when I go under the table to do this, I don’t get mixed up and open up the wrong fly!

  176. LOL, you hit the nail right on the head. Sounds like my household.

    Deanna’s last blog post..Fabulous Friday

  177. first

  178. I’m pretty sure that even though you substituted a 0 for an o in both porn and blow job, all those people who google porn with blow jobs are still totally going to show up on your blog. If I were you, I’d be pretty excited to see what kinds of awesome word combinations you get. Like “blow job porn” or “porn while getting a blow job” or “cat porn.” It’s totally gonna happen.

  179. In light of the card my guy sent me last night, I am 100% behind this idea. Or should I say he’s 100% behind me? I digress. But maybe you should revise the rules and make it 8pm Pacific Time. Twitter will be down for scheduled maintenance. Earning points without missing anything on the internet? That’s a win-win if I ever saw one.

    “We will be down for one hour of planned maintenance starting at 8p Pacific Friday.
    Twitter / Home (5 June 2009)

    The Smartest Girl In The World’s last blog post..[beginning in the middle]

  180. Jenny, this is a great thing you are doing. And my hubby wonders why I want to move to TX just so I can stalk you. Pretty sure once I read this blog post to him he will be packing the moving van. I can just imagine the men across the world meeting up with their buddies Saturday for golf (or at the bar or whatever the hell men do together on a Saturday morning) and saying “Did your wife spontaneously blow you last night and say it was from THE INTERNET!?!…huh…Your’s too. Wow. WTH”.

    PS. Who are all these wives that don’t do oral? No wonder divorce is so rampant! Ladies, keep your man’s belly full and his dick sucked and you won’t find out he’s doing his secretary behind your back. I’m just sayin’. That goes for the gals who like gals too. Keep your lady happy (which is infinitely harder than a hot meal and a 2 minute BJ but you made your choice!) and you won’t find out she is screwing her secretary (or the hottie next door or some guy, I know… eww…but it happens).

    Shit did I really type all that instead of thinking it. Crap I need coffee.

  181. So funny you mention this. I just wrote a post myself about my internet addiction. I think a BJ would be the perfect gift to my hubby for my additional web time. You’re a genius. Of course BJs work for many other apologies too- I’m going out with the girls tonight and that might be the perfect parting gift before I head out for dinner and drinks. Hmmm. . .thanks!

    Hope’s last blog post..Down in the Dumps (MMSM)

  182. Did you see this?
    @twitter: We will be down for one hour of planned maintenance starting at 8p Pacific Friday

    HOLY SHIT – You TOTALLY control the internet now!!!

    jlcs621’s last blog post..Donations

  183. Since you control the internet now, this actually means we will also have to think about Oprah giving Stedman a blowie. Blurg.

    jlcs621’s last blog post..Donations

  184. Ok, since my wife and I will both be raiding Tempest Keep at that time, how are we supposed to accomplish this? I mean 69 is all good and stuff, but jeez… it’ll make healing the raid a bit difficult.

    Also, how does one go about writing a crazy (but totally NON-stalky) fan letter to The Bloggess? I must be too stupid to find an email address or something.

  185. I wonder if I can get into a relationship before 8pm central… I love a good challenge.

    Brian’s last blog post..Sex, Lies, and BK Burger Shots!

  186. omg… if I can get my husband off of wow long enough- I’m SOOOOO in!!! bwahahaha…. I can give up the wrong people on the internet for one night!! 😀

    Potty Mouth Mommy’s last blog post..[insert clever title here]

  187. The internet is the only thing B and I fight about, ever. It makes no sense. I mean, I’m not jealous of his Madden and his hookers, so…

    I’m in!

    LiLu’s last blog post..Maybe It DOES Have To Do With How Dorky I am… And That’s? Okay.

  188. This post is HILARIOUS….lmao @ “That was a group quest and the elves were depending on me for my resurrection powers. ”

    Yona’s last blog post..Community Involvement

  189. This was the most incredibly funny post I have ever read. HI-LARious.

    Loukia’s last blog post..Favourite pictures for a fabulous Friday

  190. Oh. My. Gawd. I freaking love it.

    Rachael @ Warm Hearts’s last blog post..I really should be sleeping

  191. Apparently Twitter is going to be down for maintenance 8pm on Friday Pacific time. If you organized it for that you truly wouldn’t miss anything and the husbands would be none the wiser.

    IrishChickenSoup’s last blog post..Whew! Look At All This Dust!

  192. I gave up Blow Jobs for lent. Can I just go get drunk instead?

    Connie @ Young and Relentless’s last blog post..Another Reason to Love Denver

  193. I’m officially OUT, even though I said I would before but Mr. Husband royally pissed me off last night and I still had regular sex with him, but I’m NOT sucking on his peen for anything. NOPE. Not gonna do it. Not even for the used lawnmower he bought me for my birthday. It’s a riding one, so it’s cool. No cup holder for my cocktail, but he says he can make one. He can make anything. I think he’s Amish or something. Now if one of those furious lesbians whould come over, I’d make some sort of mutual deal out…just saying. I’m an equal oportunist.

  194. Hi- just started enjoying your blog and read back in some older posts about your RA. SO sorry! I have had RA for over 7 years now (diagnosed at 27). WARNING: lots of history and medical advice! Prior to my current (second) pregnancy, I was on just Kineret (daily injectible) and fish oil. it doesn’t work for everyone but did miracles for me. If you are not feeling much better in a couple of moths from the methotrexate, read up on Kineret and the TNF inhibitors to see if you are okay with the risks. The faster it gets under control the less likely you are to have any permanent damage. A lot of doctors use Enbrel combined with meth as a first line defense. I started with plaquenil and diclofenac (anti-infammatory), then added sulfasalazine. worked for awhile, then after a weeklong illness had a flair and needed stronger meds. added kineret (I was really nervous about methotrexate for the hair loss and chemo reasons). Eventually to get me to 100% the doctor wanted to add the meth. I got so sick from it, was depressed, and was planning to start trying, that I stopped it after 6 months- though it did get me to total remission. I stayed at about 95% with the kineret and others. Throughout infertility I dropped to just the kineret and fish oil pills, and just did fish oil pills while pregnant. It took me about 2 years to get everything under control from the initial diagnosis, and I had some really rough patches in that first year. I had a revelation one day when my doctor told me with the current treatments available, I should be virtually pain free. I thought somehow suffering was part of having the disease. Regular exercise has been key to me. A healthy diet helps but is not the answer, as some web sites migth tell you. best of luck in managing this disease. It is really so much better than it used to be!

    SS’s last blog post..All’s well in the uterus; but not on the homefront

  195. Love the idea. But then again, what if they’re on the internet?!?!?

    Kim’s last blog post..It’s Award Time Again!!!

  196. I don’t think it’s really a selfless good deed when Twitter is down for an hour at 8pm tonight anyway.


    bbkf’s last blog post..Like when old ladies do make up and wear hats made of cushion…

  197. An hour? Not event the whole of the internet could convince me to give a bj for an hour.

    Michelle’s last blog post..Sand Dunes

  198. My hubby is on a ship in the middle of the ocean, and because of all the Navy jokes that are out there I am taking precautions ( in case it is never know ) and NOT telling him about this. ‘Cuz I so totally don’t want any of the guys in his shop area on board to get any ideas. But I will totally diddle myself to raunchy internet pictures ( that I am saving right now to my desktop ) of Hugh Jackman and David Bowie for the hour. This has to be good enough, ‘cuz I don’t have a dog, and my only lesbian friend is two states away and I checked on airfare and there is NO WAY I can afford to have her flown out in time. Way too expensive. I’m too cheap to buy a man ( or woman ) hooker so yeah. Other than that, I’d say that this has to be your best idea EVER.

    Jessica A.’s last blog post..My taste buds/bladder are such sissies…

  199. I just re-read this post a day later and its still fucking brilliant.

    peedee’s last blog post..Yup, you’ve gone and broke it

  200. @bbkf # 193

    Maybe this was Victor posting this then?

    melistress’s last blog post..Slow Down, You Move Too Fast

  201. Jenny, this self imposed adbstinence from Twitter has nothing to do with the scheduled downtime does it.

  202. I’d smash my laptop to kick off the “Friday Night BJs” effort. Of course, it would be the 10-year old back-up laptop, but who is checking processor speeds, right?

  203. Wow yeah, great idea. I totally am with you here, really into this! I absolutely plan to implement according to your clear direction (sort of like the hand of God kinda direction), except for the blow job part…right, and also the part about consciously staying off the internet. That may be tough. Maybe though what I could do then at some point when I’m not on the internet, would be to pleasure myself at some time in the future while thinking of your idea….
    You know though, that might throw me off my game so…..
    What the hell, why don’t you answer questions like that in your sex advice column? You know, like techniques for staying on your game and all instead of losing it to mental aberrations thinking about Twittering (tweets?)?
    Sort of lost where I was heading, hm?
    Semper fi

  204. 204
    Jessie G

    I sent you a tweet but wanted to be sure you saw this…I SHUDDER at the power you yield woman! I logged into twitter this afternoon to see this note:

    We will be down for one hour of planned maintenance starting at 8p Pacific Friday.

    Apparently twitter is run by all gilted husbands that really want some head tonight..LMAO!!

  205. I read this post to my fiance.
    Fiance: So should I push back dinner ten minutes?
    Me: 8pm CENTRAL time.
    Fiance: Oh.
    Me: And who says you’re getting a blowjob anyway? I don’t spend much time on the Internet.
    Fiance: Yes you do!
    Which is totally a lie, but now he feels like he’s missing out on some huge blowjob orgy.

    Stacey’s last blog post..Fitness Friday: Week 4

  206. Oh wow. This will be my husband’s favorite post of yours by far. Yah so, that whole example? That was about me, right? Sounded like my life. Am I allowed to do this: during the designated BJ hour?

    Jones’s last blog post..Best Buy Father’s Day Giveaway

  207. I want to know how you get the little people icons beside their twitter names. That’s what. Then I want to know exactly when 8pm “Central” is because until yesterday I thought I was Pacific because, yes, I’m geographically challenged. And now I have birthday parties in my agenda book all starting at 5pm. When really they start at 2 or something. Please don’t tell anyone…. It’s an embarrassing little problem….

    Haley-O’s last blog post..P-P-P-Poker Face: The Bloody Eye (Viewer Discretion Is Advised)

  208. since when do I call my blackberry an “agenda book.” Oh never mind.

    Haley-O’s last blog post..P-P-P-Poker Face: The Bloody Eye (Viewer Discretion Is Advised)

  209. Oooh, I’d better hurry up and get off the computer, then! You are the greatest. I can’t wait to see how happy my wife will be when I tell her about the Internet’s gift… though I have a sinking feeling she may be less than impressed with how she makes out in this deal. Cause I’d be right back on here and then she’d be confused.

    But then I’d read her some of my blog posts, and she’d be so happy she made that sacrifice, because only then could she get the sweet, dreamless slumber that only my blog posts about stories she’s already heard can bring.

    LiteralDan’s last blog post..Arsonist Bridezilla drags victims from burning safehouse

  210. Okay, I’m writing fast because it is literally 7:59 on Friday night. I never ever comment because you already have like a cazillion and I know that you don’t really read these comments and I’m never funny. But I had to let you know that I DO read, but I don’t comment, and I’m going to give “Poor Joe” his BJ now. He’s suddenly very impressed with your blog.

    Lin’s last blog post..Frogs and Friendship

  211. By the way on the cable station WGN they are playing Red Dawn. I wonder if they are trying to prevent you from giving Oral to Victor. You know instead of being distracted by the internet you will be distracted by Pat Swayze and C thomas Howell.

    William’s last blog post..Cease and Desist

  212. This is the Best. Blog. Ever. I’m sending today’s inspirational message to my wife right now. And if you ever run for president, you get my vote.

  213. Consider it done. No really. My husband (who linked the post to me) says thanks.

  214. You are a genius. A mad genius, sure, but a genius nonetheless. (Also? Not that the whole internet needs to know this? But I am a big fan of the surprise blow-job. We’ll be celebrating our 18th anniversary in a week, thankyouverymuch.)

  215. My wife (ammer – see above comment) has been asking me to catch up on reading this entry for 2 days, but I never did. And now, she just noticed the time and was upset that she forgot something, and then bugged me again about this entry. So, I’m finally reading it now and I have 2 thoughts.

    1 – Crap!!!!
    2 – Wait, according to Jenny, this was supposed to be a surprise blowjob without any prior explanation, which means it was her responsibility, and I have no fault in forgetting about this at all. But, now that I do know about it, I have the right to be upset with her for not meeting her responsibilities as a wife.

    WazNeeni’s last blog post..Arrogant Dickhead

  216. Just had a giant fight with my husband. Oh well.

    Can you do this again next week?

  217. Preparation and planning out the window. Hubs fell asleep.

    All that Jawzercise for nothing. Anyone need me to crack walnuts with my teeth?

    Karen’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday

  218. I TOLD you I wasn’t going to participate because A: it’s my birthday and I don’t think I should have to suck on his peen, B: he royally pissed me off last night and C: bought me a used lawnmower for my birthday (riding…OK and an iPod Touch, which is totally cool). But I gave him regular sex and he…wait for it…thought it was a gift TO ME. Never mind that Twitter (ie The Internet) is STILL shut down…who is STILL sucking dick?? Can’t the PTB turn it back on?? I’ve got wittisism’s to post…Bloggess: i demand: WORK YOUR MAGIC and get this shit taken care of. NOW. (or tomorrow…whatever you can fit in).

  219. 219
    Just A. Reader

    I’m so jealous. I’m still 3 days away from a blow job. Unless you can e-mail me one. Would you, Jenny? Would you e-mail me one?

  220. What if I already gave and someone(s) owe me? I should stop giving this shit away for free.

    curiouslyrandom’s last blog post..Disappointment

  221. Has anyone ever told you that you’re a lot like Ellen DeGeneres, except raunchier and actually entertaining. And you’re probably not a lesbian either, but other than that you’re EXACTLY like her.

    Mike’s last blog post..Internet (noun); Definition – Pervert Magnet

  222. Wow, the best advice I have ever heard! There need to more like you, hopefully this goes viral and infects all the women in the world!

    Jim Gaudet’s last blog post..Costa Rica Sunset

  223. My husband hasn’t been on Twitter for a week and all his pals are @-ing me with “wtf?” and stuff, which makes me all “Am I @nosredna’s keeper? He has to work, people!” but now I can just say, “Oh, he’s in the bedroom waiting for Jenny to call another all-internet BJ event. ” Also, could throw in a long blond wig special offer with this “marketing” event/trend you’re starting? I’d buy one from you.

    juliejulie’s last blog post..Malibu Stacey’s Hot and @juliejulie Cheats

  224. Now that the event has safely passed, I’d like to investigate this further. How do we know it wasn’t Victor writing the post? Say something only Jenny would say…

    LiteralDan’s last blog post..Arsonist Bridezilla drags victims from burning safehouse

  225. I have read this post at least 4 times since you wrote it. I adore you and your writing. Now if you could stop having a life and just write some more, that would be great.

    Although I must say, I keep trying to explain random miracles that happen in day to day life to my other half by claiming it was from the internet, but apparently a poop in the shape of Jesus doesn’t cut it. Guess I’ll have to get on my knees for more than just prayin’ huh?

  226. 226

    My SO was out of town this Friday, so I postponed it to next Friday, and I promise to make her scream out your name. 🙂

  227. Okay… but do we really have to do it for a whole hour? How about blow jobs for like ten minutes then dunkin donuts or a cigarette or whatever does it for you for the last 50 mins? Or how about donuts AND blow jobs, AT THE SAME TIME??? Gotta go–I’m SO turned on right now…

    Just Barely’s last blog post..Slugs, Beer, and a Post that makes no sense

  228. So… how did it go? Did it suck as much as you thought?


    Ed T.’s last blog post..Getting Rid of the Bodies, in a "Green" manner

  229. Holy shit, you’re f’ing hilarious! How am I just now finding your blog/advice colum/sex column???? Anyway, I’m in except for that my boyfriend will just think that I want something since he thinks thats what random blowjobs mean. Only it’s not, and I don’t but I’m going to give it a try, because Who the hell doesn’t like random blowjobs??? Maybe I’ll get one….. Gotta go give this a try…. I know I’m late anyway…

    Asha’s last blog post..Confessions of a Bad Mother

  230. While I think this is an awesome idea, my partner is working at 8pm Central Time. She is a caregiver assistant for a client in a nursing home. I suspect if I were to show up and go with the plan most of the residents would be oblivious to our ‘goings on’.

    Lola’s last blog post..What’s Wrong With Our Youth/Get Off My Lawn

  231. good.idea. “WILL WHORE FOR FACEBOOK TIME” t-shirts are in order!

  232. I can’t let my husband read your latest post – he will be so dissapointed to see that we missed last Friday’s event! Anyways, just discovered your blog and I think it’s hillarious. Hopefully we can get a rain check on the Friday BJ/Blackout party.

    Mountain Momma’s last blog post..PookieMomma

  233. jenny,
    you know you totally fucked me with this post right? RIGHT? the beast clicked the link from my blog to yours and read this. he chose TODAY to read you after all this time I have been trying to shove you down his throat??!?? and now I have to shove him down MINE?? you have no idea how unthankful I am. right. now.
    i still love you and all, but really???? why jenny??? why??????????????

    Dana’s last blog post..Ode to Neosporin

  234. Ok- maybe I missed it somewhere, but did you have this plan and THEN Twitter decided to jump on it and do maintenance at that time… or did you know about that beforehand. Hilarious either way.


  235. Wow. Say the word blowjob and your comments almost triple.
    I’m single so if you want to send me a hot guy to give a blw job to, I’d be happy to partcipate.

  236. That totally reminds me of something…

    Last week I was bitching with a colleague about how this guy we work with is a douche, like major D-Bag, and he ends the bitch session with, “yeah, that guy is such a blow job.” And I’m all, “How is being a blow job a bad thing?”

    Worst. Insult. Ever.

    SassyTwoSocks’s last blog post..Men. [alternate title: Why acronyms exist…]

  237. This is honestly the most awesome thing that any human being has ever written in the history of the planet.

  238. Bossy adores this idea minus a couple of the details, like going offline and the b.j. part.

    BOSSY’s last blog post..Ten-Word Tuesday. Potluck Style.

  239. That’s a fucking awesome idea. My husband and I were having the exact same conversation last night. But then I went back to Twitter and he went back to Wii. But tomorrow night, it’s on. And then I’ll be free to Twitter, Facebook and blog for the next week. Men are so easy to please. I mean manipulate.

    Kami Lewis Levin’s last blog post..Handing Over the Reigns

  240. […] A fine quest! RT @TheBloggess: Okay, seriously? We all need to stick together on this one. Who’s in? […]

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